In this episode I’m joined by Yalila Espinoza, one of my most revered counselors and mentors in the field of psychedelic shamanic sexual healers and researchers.
She was first on the podcast in episode number 4, where we talked about how to take a clinical approach to psychedelic sexual healing modalities.
In this episode she shares her personal story of healing and transformation with plant medicines and tantra as well as wisdom teachings to help both seekers and practitioners on their paths of healing.
Please visit her website at:
As an integrative health advisor and speaker, I guide leaders to manage their energy for innovative change in their romantic and business relationships. I have invested the last 15 years to weaving my PhD research results, trainings with mentors, and client feedback into my SOMA & YES on-line programs. I utilize solution focused tools, plant teachers, and life coaching skills in my practice with individuals and organizations. You have the opportunity to:
Release misaligned stories and perceptions.
Remember to listen and trust your body.
Revitalize your connection with nature.
AI Generated Transcription:
(Want to help with corrections? Please contact me to learn about rewards for your efforts!)
Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin podcast episode number 89 I am here with you Lila Espinosa who is one of my first counselors and mentors on my path towards really trying to figure out how to alchemize Cynthia genic shamanic Neo shamanic ceremony and ritual and ethics and container sort of best practices with a clinical perspective as well on that and also the the sexual healing in the Baton tricks and weaving all of those things together in a way that would be you know something you could write a scientific white paper about as research and so you know the first entered the first guest I had on a podcast starting it all off with you either where we we talked about I sort of clinical approach to sexual predation and the use of sacred plant medicines and ceremonial containers to shed light into the astral planes were a lot of this sort of negative energetic parasitism is happening for a lot of people and how we can start to modernize our tactics and I was very influenced by your work you Lila as having seen some of your videos online and we consulted a bit and then we’ve just been yeah on Parallel paths have been a couple of your workshops over the years and have just kind of watched you were offering Blossom more and more and just there’s so much beauty that you have to offer but I really would love to have you just take a lot of time sharing your whole story is really amazing and really humbling and then we can talk more in detail about what you’ve been up to and what you’re planning so people can connect and really hold that to get continuing kind of omage and attribution you know I really have to say I bow down really deep because I could say in a lot of ways I might not even be walking the Earth right now if it wasn’t for some of the wisdom that you have collected in that you are in the shared with me so you know what a powerful medicine so thank you for that again and please sell yeah go ahead and really beautiful to see your pass blossom in witness your transformation and its energies always moving and dancing between you know people and so it really energizes me also to see yourself and other people expanding and moving the the division forward collectively we will we will be stronger and more Innovative together so yeah thank you and I love how you you know open up the space to share a story and you know recently I’ve been thinking about like what is my sister and how do I even express it differently now than it maybe I would have 3 or 5 years ago you know that people watching YouTube videos of me giving presentations that I could debit conferences and one thing that I’ve noticed is how I am now feeling more transparent and comfortable and really sharing my story in a more intimate way and you know that it’s really important to do that because people have have come into my path and see that they’re sharing a lot of Shame and guilt and confusion the more that I can be honest about you know where it come from it just like puts and he’s in a lightness into did the exploration that we can have together and so you know really looking at the bigger picture and my mission being to really put my focus and my my love into reconnecting I’m humans with nature and so that we can learn like how to be nurtured by nature and really seen our bodies as supremely intelligent and the temples of you know so much information and and and also you know the secret Temple or I’m Sexual Energy exchanges and of course you know learning at with the plant teachers and other kinds of psychedelics that really have shown me many different dimensions in terms of what that means to be a sexual being you know so I really bout to put solve it the plants and sea of trees and you know calls and also human beings who have been my teachers and mentors for sharing their love with me so that I’m able to return and exchange the energy and transmits you know whatever would be helpful and useful for people so that being said that I definitely encourage whoever is listening to this to relax and and really find their Center in in their body and enlist in with their whole body and really it don’t take in what resonates and then just leave whatever doesn’t in and so that just again puts like more of like a relaxation and to the discussion and it is severe it can be very intense for people in fairy you know it’s it’s it’s critical I think for a lot of Our Lives actual aspect and yet you know some people will we’re all at different places right sofa to respect each individual where they are and that you know we’re going to find a way differently and that’s wonderful you know different path leading to the remembering our own truth and so you know from me in a really seen how the sexual trauma that I fear in the physical trauma that I experience as a child you know being raised in different foster homes and then luckily be adopted into more of a stable family and you don’t now seeing the effects of that that wounding that happened young really of the sea plants have been trying main healer you know cuz one of the key aspects that I realize is that I did not trust you and being so after all that physical sexual abuse that was you know caused by those who are supposed to care for me and love me the ones that I wanted to trust to do that but that actually didn’t happen so there is a breakdown you know in in that bonding attachment. And so I didn’t trust humans and you know and I I was lucky enough to go into different modalities and Buddhism and you know city is psychotherapy and I worked in the hospital on the medical model for a while so I need to learning different modalities around health and wellness and yet it was really only when I started to drink various plants including Ayahuasca and peyote where I actually was able to surrender and you know and trust that they had my best interest at heart and that they were going to be healing and in such a deep and internal way that then actually help me to open up to trust humans again and you know some people would say well trust is an internal job like if you got to trust yourself and I heard that again and again you Lila just just trust yourself and then you’ll know how to trust that but for those that have come true sexual trauma and something that said that simply isn’t so simple you know so there’s these the you know the of experience and have built up and it’s almost like having like layers of like Linus Charlie Brown distorted lens through which we perceive reality and you know and so that actually can accumulate over the years because then we have the sexual trauma at one point they were making poor decisions later on around her sexuality and then again and adulthood and so were through this process of healing dissolving and smearing these layers of a misalignment right so it’s a no for me taken 10 years to actually be able to even have some sense of what is real you know and how do I feel my body in a full way how do I see my body as a sacred Temple and then remembering and then forgetting again and going to another lesson of like not treating myself while or not treating someone else well and be reminded and going to another layer of of that learning and clearing the wounding and and be coming into until I’m in again so you know being very clear that everything is energy and just learning how I was exchanging my energy with other people and running my energy in my body you know all this the years of drinking plants and learning Tantra and you don’t having a wonderful sexual initiation experiences with different Ventures and and you know in a community so really having a variety of experiences that has led me to this place is like being more you know open and more like trusting that you know I will find my way and other people will find their way so it’s like a a softening you know softening and and being able to actually listen more to my body and to the energy of others so you know there’s there’s many aspects I would say in terms of my personal story of healing and the primary focus being returning back fully into my body this is what why do psychedelics help me to do is be fully again and my body instead of disassociated and Incredible Gift because I’ve chosen to be human in a body right now and so really to to learn how to fully live my life is for me to really fully be in my body and in cherish cherish all the different aspects of being in body that’s beautiful I totally share your sentiment and it is something that people take for granted and and neglect and misuse really there’s a deep humbling to be broken in these ways and then put yourself back together with the help of plants and all of the initiations you’re mentioning and that finding that trustworthy reputable support people supportive Community with with Integrity yeah that sounds beautiful and I have some questions for other talks you’ve given where I fill it would be really instructive to to touch on some things is it is it okay if I bought some high school okay so one of the things you mentioned in a previous talk is this idea that at some point in your sexual development your love life you felt that you would become a black widow that you would just kind of consume man in a way and I’m curious I think a lot of survivors end up either being hyper-sexualized or asexual some pretty extreme on the Spectrum so I’m curious if you could talk more about what it was what was your process or thought process or even like they’re over some people would say that it’s totally up to you know like you’re being possessed you that you’re you’re checked out of your numbed out so just to give people some check list of wow maybe I haven’t had abuse flashbacks but I’m patterning this Behavior so should I go get checked out you know by someone like you Lila who would be able to do a good diagnostic yes excellent question so I see it as in terms of our Sexual Energy the response from wounding which again you know people don’t need to necessarily perceive themselves as having sexual learning if they were sexually abused if there’s rape or whatever I see that special woman is actually present for a lot of us because it’s coming to know families incestral is societal wounding like so there’s all those layers which we can maybe disc you know in terms of for the energy of like either constricting and becoming asexual or expanding to the point of becoming over-sexualized you know I feel like this is a natural response to wounding or misaligned energy and so I noticed that you know I was constricted for us until I was twenty and then just came out of my shell and was you know I would say early 20s it’s actually responsible however I noticed that I I was I was feeling numb and I didn’t really know how to connect with my partners in a heart-to-heart level so I would I would enjoy sex and I could have you know a lot of sex and I can orgasm in all these things but it there was a sense of like this this fiery and animalistic kind of connection which is wonderful and its own but just that hurt connection was missing and therefore the death that I can actually go into with my partner was limited and so I remember being like 30 and being with a partner who out you know we were very much in love and living together and we would have sexual activities like together everyday and yet he once said to me you know I like where are you it feels like I’m like you’re you’re sort of acting in the role like a prostitute your sort of like going through the motions but I don’t feel you and that was a wonderful wake-up call because I was like oh like what am I feeling in this moment and then you know in my thirties like recognizing that you know in my earlier years I was actually had Jean at knee to feel in control and so the way that I express that need was to you no pick him a male just happened to be mad that I did this with and like have them as a at Target and so I was like I’m going to you know get that person and I’m going to let you know do this to them being a female it was somewhat easier to take that role because men didn’t feel threatened by me they’re actually very like awesome how refreshing that have a woman who looks like chases me and knows what she wants so I got a lot of positive feedback from that which fed to you no further choices in in in that area I would like the idea of conquering and so you know how I saw that as in some ways trying to balance out the the sexual disempowerment that I had felt before and you know really hurting myself and perhaps the other people at the same time in that it’s interesting that I actually chose man this is this is where I would say you know just wonderful fortune that at least I chose men that were kind and generous with me and actually loved me and wanted more from me than I was actually able to give so I would be the Runaway Bride in some ways I would start to get close to someone and then just take off very quickly and so that lasted like a trail of Partners didn’t like what what happened here like what I thought she was really amazing and we had a good connection and you know it was just seeing how my attachment the people was it was like ambivalent attachment so I’d be like come here to me I want you and then like push away I’m done and you know I feel like many of us have run into Continuum you know different layers of that kind of dynamic and so you know one of the things in terms of like self evaluation of like okay do I feel fully in my body when I’m with someone can i gaze with them you know when being sexually involved with someone you know what is my response like after what is my decision making and choosing a partner what is my response after you know why I have a sexual liaison with someone so just like tracking a when’s behavior is helpful and also asking for Reflection from partners and friends and family you know because I could not see what I was doing and you don’t having people share with me like how my behavior was affecting them you know finally having my mother say I cannot meet one more of your boyfriends are our mates because there’s so many of them and she would try and get attached to them and then they be gone so she’s like I can’t meet them anymore so that was again like oh okay what am I doing like why am I going through men like this and also you know that the term of Black Widow I felt like you know I will instead of an odd thing to reflect on but that I was almost like a nervous to actually go deeper with someone because I wasn’t sure what would happen to them you know like I wasn’t sure I could to fill the role of a loving partner in a sustainable way so I’d rather just like you know get in there and have like an intense experience and then you know shove them away for their own good kind of thing so it was a lack of self-love of self-worth you know not trusting myself and and also you know on the shamanic path about the whole other story because it can get very complicated when you’re learning different shamanic techniques when you’re an apprenticeship and involving the sacred plant medicine you know that our energies open up in a wavy become very sensitive and intake in a lot of energy of other people so you know that was a whole other phase of like actually helping me to be more aware of how I was exchanging my Sexual Energy in that pattern of hunting Men actually stopped you know after maybe four years in the past because I saw way more concretely and intensely the consequences of my behavior and of my decision-making and you know I say stop it did stop it and then I really went through a phase of like literally going along plant do you get this I think it was a. Of like three years where I didn’t have any sexual connection with anybody and that was bizarre for me so I feel like I really blast that I’ve had the experience of being very slow and quiet and you know focusing on my healing my body and my spiritual connection to very expensive and you know going to festivals and you know traveling and really being sexually open to what you know a lot of different situations it’s a long a long answer in your I’m kind of studying this more deeply now because it’s more it’s coming up for a lot of colleagues clients just in my ongoing research I just about the show something is really been hitting me hard that sits on the other end of the spectrum is is the is the the sort of from the I guess I will call it a form of side effects cursing or something where you know how many how many women out there who are overweight but say have made a decision in the childhood mind that Daddy will stop touching me if I become less attractive and it becomes a a way to just be armored in this so that you know there’s like a story that comes out if you could go back to yourself at that time what would you sort of prescribe you know now but in addition to the plants and everything but it’s far as just like a session a counseling session with someone this morning who’s a client you know we were I was basically sharing how you know there’s all these different layers of wounding such a wounding that happens right from birth and so no partly it you know we do the best we can to live through Transitions and yet it catches up to us right so there’s going to come a point has and being humans at most often we will wait for a crisis right to actually be mindful of what is the inner dialogue and how are we behaving and actually reach out for support and you know the crisis being either you know an accident and disease divorce you know where something else and so what I was saying it at this morning is that you don’t we have all these sexual transitions in our life that are not honored and so what if I were to go back to myself and you know I was 2520 you know I would say you know less take some time to honor where we’re at you know in and engage in some kind of ritual you tend to the the the energy body or physical body like 10 to the wounding like go to a repair process and you know not just with myself but with a can a counselor or you know of some kind of practitioner that that knows about sexual energy and and rituals and actually honor those pieces and bring back the pieces that have been torn away so they they called like Soul retrieval so many people are walking around out there whole soul and and no wonder we get into complex challenges and Chaos so really going to your post to mend this chair and bring back this piece of me in humidity in ritual and then be able to see more clearly and be able to actually learn better decision-making tools you know being able to actually be inspired to live differently or live in alignment you know with with our Purpose with our truth and so that would be something that I wish I had had and that I think that is extremely important on Asus I don’t like cultural level and in that really it’s it’s together it’s in community that we’re really going to heal and this will help to dissolve the shame and the secrecy you know that’s so many people carry and that actually is so tax on our bodies and psyche right and so that’s really the the Crux of how is it that we then reach out to addictive you know substances are addictive patterns or you know just knowing we don’t want to do it but we’d end up doing it because we’re trying to cope the best we can with what we have an end you know part of it are our best selves or not even like with us you know they’re connected with you know the family trauma than sestrel you know lineage and so I’m just you know about down to everyone who who is finding their way the best way they can write without the support they need and we are very industrious and tenacious of beings and any in really seem like wow we could as a society really brings so much more I’m healing and playfulness you know that’s the other thing healing doesn’t have to necessarily be like terrifying you know terrible process healing can be I’m so liberating you’re asking me is actually the suffering that we carry and suggest really be supported by Community to step through the threshold going through the wounding you know being held by love and safety that you know once we’re through a tree like oh wow you know I can’t believe how different I feel you know I can’t believe that I made it through you know so that’s part of the initiation piece that the initiation but you know by definition going through the threshold you know so being one way of being and then you go through no Dark Night of the Soul or whatever and then you come out and actually shedding you know the layers of Illusion and because remembering who you are again and then you are a whole person right and then the initiation peace being that you know once you’re through that threshold your health and community and actually honored for who you are as as just simply you as an infected being the pit stop for the Soul II it to have helped achieving or accessing sexual wholeness before you go out and get yourself in a bunch of trouble with your skewed what you’re taking from childhood in and so now it’s it’s it’s sad and ironic but really what used to be a a rite of passage into the joy of experiencing being a grown-up and having a wonderful array of sexual experiences that are culturally sanctioned and and diverse in fulfilling a nurturing and all these things that it used to be in our perspective and ecological perspective on on sexual initiation in our ancestral past before patriarchal civilization was say and now it’s it’s sad because so many of us want to restore initiation but really we’re not starting with the Clean Slate or not starting with the healthiest late we’re talking about extreme I mean it would be initiation into recovery from your sexual wounding throughout childhood whether it’s just circumcision and whether it’s Billboards whether it’s sexual trauma and abuse so you’re definitely one of the most qualified people in my network of fellow pewter practitioners Scholars and researchers and so I would really love to hear you take plenty of time to sort of fleas she is to take a step back seeing the bigger picture of seeing this all his energy and you know in terms of like an ideal initiation ritual you know first I feel like there needs to be so much more education around Sexual Energy in general and you know it’s it’s interesting how when I first started offering Pro sexual initiation programs that many men you no say in the thirties and forties would be put off and not reach out because they’re like no I’m not sexually when did you know I wanted to see themselves that way and that’s what it’s really a Charged area so I know she had to take stuff and focus on just teaching some of the basics about energy and communication so that’s like the first level that I feel as a society we need to focus on and that Ashley is refer impossible because it’s not so threatening by the mainstream authorities or Educational Systems you know so I feel like it is possible and that waited for me the important thing is to learn how to meet people where they’re at so they feel safe and taking the first step so you know I started off being like everyone needs sexual initiation and amazing if like in their teens they could like choose you know how they wanted to have their ritual whether it was riding a horse in the middle of a field with a community sending around like latinas easing community in Europe just Fanta I interviewed been actually and I was like yeah beans and yeah it just seems so weird and whatever so I’m like okay I’m going to you know start really simple and you know it can be as simple as person wherever they live you know if it’s a small town or they don’t have much money it’s like the first step you know get a few friends together in your home and have the focus Beyond sharing your first sexual experience storytelling a storytelling night you know could be in your home or Community Hall Road ever and get people together to share stories and sound so simple and it is so powerful just have enough space to share one story and then seeing how their similarities you know with other people in that Circle can be extremely healing right so there are ways to actually connect with each other and you don’t go through initiation that doesn’t have to be some like strange far-out shamanic you know kind of situation it can be Simply Be witnessed you know in in Sharing one’s true story and feeling safe enough you know it to do that you know it and any other hand like if if there is a potential for you know fundraising for a different heiner complementary sexual education program that would be where I would focus my energy in terms of bringing back and did the initiation through transition you know when we have a baby you know different cultures celebrate in different ways and so I’m just speaking in terms of what I know of in North America do you know also bringing circles and people together you know after people have a miscarriage you know after people go to menopause maybe for men you know their sexual desire their sexual functioning changes you know is it possible to bring people together and just like say hey this is what’s happening to me let through it could be through you know I sound healing or making or just move dance or moving or something where it’s just like okay here’s where we’re at let’s move the energy so that one person is not carrying it you know all the Thousand becomes like a heavy burden right so you know how beautiful is the indigenous traditions where they actually brought the perpetrator or you’re the one who is harming others are causing friction in a community and how they bring them in Into The Circle of Care and you know they have people there to hear their story and and to love them up you don’t have to find a way of treating the issue is like a collective issue so so now you know doing that free app for people where there is there is a movie criminal activity or heal people who are really harming each other in a physical way but we can bring people together where you know it’s is folks who are carrying the shame or guilt of something that they’ve done and being able to hold everyone in in that Circle and that alone can bring such healing in the community that I’ve heard of some communities that are able to do this and so many more people so that they can hold this face right it would be beautiful to have the academic background and if you don’t mind it be cool to spend a few minutes actually trying to model and chart out a bit what some of these Cycles are cuz you just mentioned one that that I had never seen a community address before the idea of the transition of male menopause they call it sometimes you know for me there was no there was no guidance around my first wet dreams my first directions my first ejaculations my first experiences that were consensual cuz there were a lot that weren’t before that you know where I was abused in if we kind of map this out there is really there should be songs for everything they should be songs and dances and of course herbal preparations for different things because one of the blessings that I’ve had in my life is to go through a nine-month sexual initiation program myself because I’m like wait a minute I’m like studying this you know doing PhD research in it I’m like talking about it at conferences and I had to be hung I humbled myself and I’m like wait a minute in my own you no initiation progression and so I was like I need to go through my own initiation and so taking at 9 months in community going to different rituals learning how to hold space excetera and one of the activities that I assumed was like a no-brainer or is like it’s not going to mean much for us to write a letter A love-letter to the opposite gender and then also the next step was to write a love letter to are under it was just so wonderfully liberating you know and so like you know I’m popping out for someone say going to still like Ashley simply write the letter and then in a circle in a circle of people you know of safety and in love is for people to actually read their letters you know with with with in front of everyone and and and what it means to then as a man like reflecting on where you come from and then what it means to actually move forward you know it and in the blessings of the the transformation of one’s body once taking Septra to be witnessed by women so I think the two often a couple turns to each other and like things that they can actually figure things out themselves and actually feel sexually you know stimulated + sexually you know that piece and you know just care for buy one other person and I I feel most often is impossible so it’s really to have a man may be going to these changes and then in the circle like hearing the reflections of other women and like what what that means for women collectively and for the Man 2 leave that but wow there are blessings in here I am still loved if you know I’ve kind of lost her you know just connected to the my Hughes where I was very Tetra but to have that reflection not only for one other people can be extremely powerful boosting interesting topic and territory that I haven’t heard discussed a lot and I like where this is going and I wanted to share a little bit more ask a couple things if that’s okay on this topic so have you heard of something called the Coolidge effect it was it was disgusting insects it Don and I’m going to I’m going to not even attempt to try to tell the story of where it came from but it is an interesting phenomenon that has been discovered in nature and it’s been extrapolated to two human males but basically there’s a high level of interest that starts to wane sort of naturally really at any age in a relationship separate from the timing of menopause but let’s just say sexual novelty wears off over time we will call the love curve or the honeymoon phase or whatever but it’s actually physiological kind of pattern and then in farm animals it was very obvious what are breeding that there’s a massive performance a sort of it was the Fountain of Youth for males is sexual diversity and Novelty and so if a couple is monogamous together for years and years and years and not acknowledging that that is a natural factor in an actual curve they could be setting themselves up for a lot of suffering and it’s it’s sort of a I guess a scientific rationale to be more open-minded when it comes to sexual expression and so some people can say oh you’re just a scoundrel and you just want to have an excuse to cheat or something I’m not into you know committed monogamous relationship so I’m not I’m not pushing those boundaries but I’m just worried we’re looking at the gender the discourse and everything and really that the opposite side of that though is that well if you’re a woman and you want your man to be hard all the time you know and he can’t do it or he’s bust some in best in you or insects in general or whatever then if you had an open port to go in and seek Young Bucks you know if a couple with aging together and they said you know what honey you’re not doing it for me the way you used to I’m not doing it for you the way you used to and even Gary Noll said and he’s a you know he’s like a a researcher of all things Health and Wellness in physiology sexuality and he said answering a question for this older couple what do we do if we’re not you know into each other too much what I said bring it bring in a twenty-year-old into the bedroom and see what happens you know interesting if you think out of the box and there is more community and access where were acknowledging that there’s East natural cycles but if you’re really not you don’t have to be or this is my offering for something to you too to address and talk about is dressing U Cycles is if there weren’t such if you weren’t so imprisoned in this constructive monogamy and saying you don’t love me if you’re not attracted to if you know what I mean that’s just not fair it’s not fair on either side so what are your thoughts on on kind of I have had many clients you reach out for this reason of lack of sexual connection lack of interest on meth head couples comes to me and you know honestly I feel like I’m still be getting on this I do and so I’m very mindful of like what you know that I’m still learning still learning and I was blessed to have time in the San Francisco Bay Area to actually go pretty deep into educating myself you know academically and personally in terms of the polyamory relationships visiting different communities really getting a sense of how are people making decisions and going to their lives and end in the different phases and say the first thing I have to say is that each person really is responsible for finding their way that is an alignment with their true so you know polyamory monogamy whatever in between it all depends on the person and the couple right so I don’t I think what works for some people may not work for others and you know I bow down to all the couples who are able to be married for 30 plus years and feel that great love for each other and their sexualize may be different from what I want or think is good but they have deep love and they found their way and also bad on to those couple of so you know have open relationships and and find their way into greater love and deeper love and you know so I feel like if we can talk more openly about our needs and what was happening and have it lasts of a taboo then we will feel more inspired and and safer to Ashley Explorer what are these different options you know when one studies no different sexual Traditions there are many kinds of permutations that communities have tried and have worked for them you know how many different kinds and that and that it’s some of them have been shocking baby to contemporary Western Minds some not some they’re open and they really want to try it on. So I feel like it’s really the first step is to Johnny no one’s needs and to learn how to communicate them and then to be supported in Exploration I just got a big gray my know cuz I feel like what this could become really is is is a theme park of sorts where you could have some sort of safe container to a lot of people would be if he used to cuddle party kind of motif where there’s no swapping of fluids no risk of really any kind of you know transfer transmission of disease and if it was kind of rotational more like speed-dating you know people weren’t necessarily get attached but the idea that let’s have a this is how they did it in the South American tribe were they had what they called shared fraternity and they practice sexual Hospitality let’s let’s be adults Who Made Who do make believe and what would it feel like to have a visitor come and have your wife and your best friend’s wife fighting over which of them is going to be offered voluntarily with with Glee to the guests to be the the Ambassador representing the health of the community and possibly to increase the diversity of the gene pool so there’s an ecological population ecology Dimension to some of these customs and then you might discover hey we should start swinging because this is a shih tzu immersion into what were really not even allowed or dare to even imagine anything different and I’m going to love the time so I guess the problem is to experience out of the western box are really risky and dangerous and that’s a problem for high as you mention that we are living in a particular time in North America where we have the privilege of actually speaking about this and exploring it and really be aware of all those that do not have that safety and where there is a lot of sexual violence that is still going on so that my point being that really really needs to be so much mindfulness and creation of safety because what one person would think is like an exploration you know testing out you know could really be harmful for another person and and you know in terms of safe containers that you never know where sexual running lies and that it you know it’s really pertinent for those in the circle to have some train people who can hold space because you might innocently be going about experiencing then someone has a flashback or something happens you know and you want to be able to guide that person within the group to the the shore to the safety of the shore and if so yes I just really want to acknowledge all those that really have this desire to try out and explore and yet you know they’re there just it’s It’s tricky to to know how to feel safe with certain people and certain groups and you know one of the Prime examples is that you know with that I watch the ceremonies and other spiritual groups where women and men go for healing and exploration of you know the psyche and Consciousness and yet are sexually traumatized and you know I’m harmed and by the Healer by the skilled you know practitioner and yet now there’s another layer right of trauma and you know what does that mean for the community so it’s just a very concrete example of something that I’ve actually Whitney where you know you’re at you’re taking certain indigenous cultures and you’re trying to mix you know interweave different modalities and exploration and for the community to really talk about you no potential pitfalls and this is the way that we’re going to address them to keep everyone as safe as possible that’s that’s really thank you for that for being one of the good guys out there shepherding this experience of initiation I mean I was just yeah there’s is a shaman or the sorcerer are they a guru or the Predator I mean it’s and I’d like to think that just learning Tantra from women is 99.9% safest protection for anybody same thing probably with the medicines and I’m kind of always wanting to that made a joke recently I mean there’s a lot of men in Township who have just developed Powers let’s say the sexual powers and have the Shakti but are not really doing the Davey sadhna so maybe they’re not really getting a lot of direction from the from goddess about what to do with their multi-orgasmic prowess and so they just use it to become sex addicts into just conquer and colonize and build Empires and of broken hearts and an empty bank account send gossip in Madness and I feel my calling having been broken more as a Survivor I feel like I’d rather see a priestess class that oversees all of these things sex medicine Health power politics weapons land at Oracle Priestess class you know rather than being a compulsive with my sexuality I’m trying to actually facilitate this 64 yogini Mondello kind of just suppressed lineage of chocolate on show where they were figuring these things out and basically one of the most Valiant attempts to restore a deeper more Prime Bonnabel like matriarchy for all these to be for these powers to be interested in too so I guess I should ask you you know I know that you did that research I’d like it if you would talk about your your PhD thesis research which is a lot to do with this stuff and then we know what you’re seeing on the horizon of women taking these powers back and men being in service and volume down and you know building the infrastructure for women to run temples and really be the trustworthy trusted class with all this stuff wonderful wonderful vision and you know first I want to say that I can only speak for myself in that I trust myself and I’m certain I trust myself the whole safe space for people and I still have my lundi that I am dancing with and and learning how to honor the Shadow and and weave it in with the light and that only reason I think I’m able at this point in my life you served in in such a comprehensive way is because I actually have experienced feeling like the victim you know feeling like a Survivor experience feeling like the perpetrator as well you know so and also the Savior so I feel like you know opening myself up so you really dive deep into those archetypes and learning how to weave them these different parts within myself so that their allies and actually stronger to be in service is is that really the only way that I that I personally can can make offering so just just a note that yeah beautiful vision and that women still with the routing can be skewed in the way that they also offer things in and and I love how you said Sandman hold the infrastructure and and be in service that way for the women to really take the leadership in in communities because we do need everyone involved and in order to shift the Paradigm so you know in terms of the PC research I focus on North American women who have been in I watch the ceremonies and actually involved in plant deetta’s which is based in the vegetative leave Smosh I’m shamanic tradition and you don’t feel free to go to my website youtube.com y a l i l a.com to get more info on that I don’t know but it is a it’s a practice that the women that interviewed have been involved in I’m basically focusing on their sexual healing Journeys and how the erotic energy of plant features help to inform them of remembering of themselves as erotic beans and really seeing that these plants in body in a masculine energy you know I’m showing us how these intelligent life-forms are actually holding and and merging these energy can then be replicated in the human reality so that was really beautiful Journey both personally and academically and you know then really seeing how I could best yo go to my own sexual journey and mentioned you know having to really look at myself honestly and go to my initiation and continue to do that you know to really fill in the gaps in and take back the missing pieces in my life and then how to offer that for other people and what I noticed a lot of folks would come to me for concert teaching what was interesting is that we actually had to go through a 6-month process just to prepare themselves to actually clear at some of the misaligned energies and being around you know the family special piece that’s often missed to even get to the country breathing the kind of Lenny you know techniques etcetera because it’s sort of like you know the new shamanic and effectiveness of let’s learn Tantra a way of life you know how we’re relating to life, people forget that they actually know it and embodied way it’s necessary to go through these first steps and so I found that I was actually wanting to jump into an area that people weren’t ready for so then I created the sexual initiation program and you know basically focusing on the seven energy centers and having and different rituals for each Center and that could take quite a while for some people you know there is a lot of material there I actually want and are ready to go into it so I backed off from from that offering and actually created to other programs that are more of an introductory level to get people prepared for the sexual initiation program and one of them is like basic information and it’s called the yes penny for your energy systems and like basic information to teach people like just reflecting notice what’s happening in their body and in their relationships with other people and nature so you know starting off with the very basic teachings on energy really focused on you know people who may be brand new to this area because I was having living in the San Francisco Bay Area I had a lot of clients who came from the business World from the tech world and this is all very new to them like you ask them what are you feeling right now and they’re like I don’t know or like imagine yourself as a tree in there like I don’t know how to do that are really tweak every different language and you really getting learning how the techies think you know and different layers of structures and learning how to actually educate and transmit the information so that they can get it and then also creating a program called soma and this is focus again on sometimes people are not ready to go on a psychedelic Journey they’re not ready to run eyes Alaska ceremony I’m not a I’m not a Ayahuasca Pusher you know where so I can talk, being an introductory level of teaching for people to learn about plants and trees in their own backyard and that there are allies that are around us at all times including simply connecting like walking barefoot on the grass or on the other Senator you know Earth their ways of connecting and actually healing our bodies and psyche that are very simple and so creating a program where people can actually whatever they live you know these are both online programs to wherever they live being able to learn some tools around alter building connecting with elemental allies meditation embodied practices you know starting with the basics and really the key being that there in community and so that they’re actually sharing their Journey they’ve been able to like your stories and information with each other because I’m one person I don’t I can’t hold everything or know very much so really having the support of the other intelligent beings in the group and that this will help prepare you know people who may feel isolated you know me feel new to this area that they can actually start the conversation you know within themselves within their Partnerships and in their community and then learned that the contract teachings you know you could say that some of the material is Tantra but you know as I said before like we’re getting in the way and making it accessible to people has been my focus on this site I feel what’s so missing and so wrong is that it should be more like what were used to with The Apprentice of but Save The Karate Kid kind of coach Phil template where you don’t even know you you’re just doing something that focuses your attention you’re doing the wax on wax off your learning A movement but you were sort of being invited to Pond you know riddles even and it’s not just you don’t just buy the whole package and get it all and have all of the secrets on your lap as long as it takes you to download the file you know it’s it’s kind of be more metered out and some people aren’t they have to be you know let’s say restricted from access to things that they’re not morally or intellectually or spiritually capable to to to do right with so I really appreciate that you’re that you’re developing these these in these areas where where is a lot of other than you know on structures that say maybe don’t have his as many as well-rounded of a perspective is this is a you have everyone’s doing great work I believe I love you with all my other guests are doing but I I got to say again I mean for me and my mission and what I’m hoping to create in the world really you were one of the five salute you very highly because this is what I was when I’m thrilled to hear about is this you know very very soft full careful, painstaking meticulous teasing out of of all these different micro wounds and how we address them and this is great and wonderful I really appreciate that you’re in adult kindergarten with all this stuff as you know so we got to be humble with his with his power and we’re so far from the the Grandeur of our ancestors in in the shamanic traditions and in the country traditions and so you know they were holding lineages passing-down things really keeping this fabric together in a life spanning generations and they were even in there in a lot of their minds coming back to do more work over the course of multiple lifetimes in trying to pick up where they left off and you know that’s a way different bird and Andres mobile of responsibility with power than most people have who just want to be out there playing with matches you know putting don’t they don’t know what kind of curse is there putting on people what kind of spell they’re casting in and I’m one of them to it’s a very you know humbling kind of the thing to see how many people have wanted to just be benevolent altruistic good not manipulative not self-serving these are the first and you know what I’ve felt is extremely important for me to have compassion for myself as an adult you know kindergarten Explorer and compassion for others and as you mentioned there are many paths people teaching in different ways and that as we received this Transmission in such and such a fast way compared to you know our ancestors use the wisdom you know Basket open is that we really have patience with ourselves and others and compassion because we are all learning we we’ve had a he’s missing piece you know in our Evolution that that’s been suppressed you know and so now we’re opening up and we’re learning how to navigate this information the power and you know really proud of my focus being also with these programs to talk about leadership so what does it mean when we’re gaining this information and power and how to actually being authentic and body leaders you know so that were in service in in the highest and deepest way possible like that’s in alignment in a with what is need it in the grander scale So yeah thank you for for mentioning that awesome so what do you want to tell us that before we wrap up finally again your website and maybe some things you have planned I definitely want to just have a clearer sense of if I let a listener who wants to get started with you what it what are all the options and what is there to choose from and then from my perspective I’m just curious what you have planned and you know I’ve been doing a lot of Media stuff and feel like that’s kind of my calling and I’m wondering if you have what kind of media projects you might have for his 2 to look for to look forward to well it’s interesting because I feel like the creative juices are flowing very beautifully and me these days and I have so many ideas in my task these days is to stay focused on a few offerings and to learn about timing so yeah the media have all kinds of interest you know just and I’m really excited so I will wait to talk about those maybe next year you know really looking at the bigger picture and terms of what I see in offering the in the best way possible for me and and the people that are drawn to me is to focus on integration and so I’ve an accessibility so the the easiest way to get connected my website you Lila. Com way e a l i l a.com so the first step in the easiest way is there is a psychedelic integration monthly group so anyone that’s interested in psychedelic I and integration he’s able to I’m go to the EULA. Com members page and sign up and it’s all online there is a community at Facebook Community Forum there’s you know I’m going to be giving teaching video teachings every month and it’s an easy way and you know for someone to put their foot their toe in the water kind of thing in connecting with me and in the community just really noticing that one of her people will come in and out of circles and Retreats and programs but then not hearing from them again and I I just adore Folks at that I need and being able to serve and I’m just like so curious like what are they up to and and knowing that they have so much to offer community so that’s the first thing psychedelic integration online members group then I mentioned the two programs the Soma three-month online program and then the six-month Yes program again you can find info on my website now the I do give Retreats I’m limiting them to for a year and so having a retreat in British Columbia wine in California when in New York and one in Hawaii I just got back from Hawaii and let it be my first Retreat there which was amazing I just the energy there so really trying to focus on those four areas and then the rest of my focus on the in-between phase so really giving people you know tools to integrate well and to step into greater leadership role so you know I give private sessions in person mostly online because folks are coming from different different areas and I live in but finding a way to actually make it accessible for for a lot of different people so so that’s that’s what I’m up to I do have some projects that I spending more time in this year that are exciting that that again I’m going to keep it a little bit quiet right now I’m because I feel like I’m pregnant with them and so just want them to to grow in my belly a little bit more and get stronger but I do look forward to sharing with you again in the future and for the first time ever and now 89 episodes but I feel like I’m going to make it a tradition there’s the spirit guiding I think this our knowing each other and I think it would be great to ask you know that this listenership is growing and I feel like I’m not just a voice in the wilderness I’m curious if you have any needs that you’re looking for in terms of anything I mean it could be anything but I feel like now whoever is really moved by this conversation with you Lila and wants to not only access their services or maybe if if they have a skill or a physical object or resource how how can people Supply you and make your mission that much easier if you know of and just don’t be shy could be anything be given a course of beautiful thank you for the opportunity and I love how you say Mission and really it’s whoever shares of mission in reconnecting with the intelligence of you know other than human beings and the intelligence of our bodies first of all and let whoever I’m also feels passionate about the role of leadership a new paradigm a leadership right now you know just looking at the political changes and and all kinds of changes that we’re going through and that more people are really needing to take responsibility and step up you know to really bring and their gifts and shine all right now so anyone who feels that calling I definitely welcome the connection and you know for those who have skills in technology marketing building my weaknesses I would love to connect with you and you know I’ve been blessed with a lot of beautiful people right now who are training with me and I have an awesome assistant right now so really at who are people who are interested in working on a team you know collectively to nurture you know that this Mission and let’s see also you know anyone who is passionate about a holistic health and wellness like even practitioners are skilled in different modalities I’m really interested in you no First Nations health and wellness the are Vedic you know health and wellness Western medicine you know I came from the hospital and medical model and see the power of them of that knowledge not wanting to Discount that you know that whole model but really want me to bring the best out of that model and and also of course that the shamanic Technologies and how to merge shamanic Technologies with the modern Technologies in in business and in artificial intelligence actually I’m interested in that area as well so really are harnessing the best of technology so all of those you folks who are tech-savvy very interested in connecting with you and in general you know anyone that feels like it would be great for me to connect with someone in your community you know I trust your intuition and your inspiration so please reach out you Lila. Com and the email is support at you Lila. Com so thank you so much for opening that that that the possibilities for a for all of us that have cilia one last thing I would add to that it said you were a very highly skilled and trained really unique skill-set for clinical research if if so if you want to talk a little about that cuz that’s my dream if anybody’s out there and want to help me and her going to sort of follow up on where we started you know a few years ago with some visioneering around what we would do to actually start ghostbusting perpetrators and healing on both sides of the victim perpetrator saying there’s some some clinical work to be done there so do you want to talk a bit about that such a great reminder thank you because I am a researcher at heart and I now have systems in place where I’m tracking information for all the people that are coming through programs do I need to do research yet so definitely anyone who is a writer a researcher who can collect data and collect stories and amalgamate them in a way that’s actually very accessible for folks out there I I have done quite a bit of research and academic writing and yet now I feel more inspired to to put my focus in other areas and Sophia connecting with those researchers and writers would be amazing and I feel like that is the beauty of transmitting information right not only to podcast and you know videos blogs Etc but the other really creating innovative ways to move this revolution you know forward would be really amazing is talk I’ve been waiting for a while and just for the right time seems to be now we both got a lot of beautiful things that I’m going on and so again I I just thank you so much for being there for me and my Dark Night of the soul of my my hour of need you know several years ago now and really it’s again a big thanks to you and homages and appreciation for helping to facilitate more success stories of recovery and I just can’t wait to hear what you have next in and we’ll definitely be in touch so thank you so much Aloha podcast please go to www. R2park.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple that provides ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Township Park. Com Thomas Day