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Mindfulness, Nature Immersion, and The Pacific Crest Trail with Jessica Moon TPP241

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Jessica Moon In a Boat Smiling

In this episode I’m joined by Jessica Moon for a conversation on mindfulness, nature immersion, and hiking the Pacific Crest Trail for 5 MONTHS!

About Jessica:

Jessica Moon is a Stress Management Coach who focuses on Mindfulness and Nature Immersion as vehicles for powerful healing and evolution. From many years in corporate America to hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, Jessica has a broad range of life experiences that has provided her the insight to guide and transform in her one on one coaching practice. She is an advocate for mental health awareness and diversity in the outdoors, and active in building her local community.

Instagram: @jessicamoonco

My (non verbatim) notes:

TP: Jessica Moon, old dear friend, along the ride of tantra punk journey since very beginning around 2013, was shocked to find that name hadn’t already been turned into some sort of persona online, hopefully I’ve done my best

she’s way beyond a supportive friend, an inspiration, somebody who’s kept me on a very ethical and conscious path, has given me lots of great feedback

talk about her path, eco psychology, forest bathing, many ways to look at benefits of spending time in nature, deep personal journeys of long distance hiking

extra bonus, you might recognize her silky voice as the voice of the outro on all of my episodes, does a wonderful job of doing the wrap up details, its a treasure to have that mystery voice be on the podcast

JM: working on getting people outdoors, help people see benefits of being immersed in nature, millennials , anyone can benefit, remove barriers to help people really benefit

start when I younger and in college I was a sexual health peer mentor for my university, worked with my peers to educate them on health topics, disseminated health and hygiene products through the outreach center, help become more empowered

after graduated, joined nature center, help plan ecological programs and events, natural conservation for the city, got to work with variety of people

it was a very beautiful experience to be intimately connected with these people, very active motivated hikers, some people who’d never spent time even at a park

really wanted to help people have a more enjoyable, more intimate experience with natural world

then got into corporate world, for about 5 years, it was good to learn a lot of skills, but definitely aching, stress, heaviness of not having that immersion that I used to have

caught up in career, societies idea of success, lost connection with self, deep connection with natural world

year, decided to hike pacific crest trail, had been training, reconnecting with mountains, beaches, when I took the leap, and left for the trail, such a transformation from being immersed in the wilderness, back country for 5 months, feel completely at peace now that I’ve had that experience, affirmed, not everybody can take that much time off their life

but any amount of time is so beneficial, now that I’m back, into the science, philosophy, how to get more nature time into our busy lives, liberating motivating

TP: want to get into the drama of this whole arch of preparing, doing some permaculture the other day, mentioning we were gonna talk about this, the PCT, how do people survive, you can’t bring a semi truck water tank that drives behind you, what are the amenities on the trail, he said people will send selves care packages, I don’t really have a clue

JM: the resupply logistics, first, instead of one really long trip, think of as series of 3 to 5 day, sometimes more than 7 days depending on snow, how quick you hike, generally 3 to 5 days, given that , hiker hunger, metabolism working so hard, never felt hunger like that before, if you think about it as you’re going town to town, long series of small backpacking trips, you can self packages ahead of time, my strategy was I resupplied in town, if you’re lucky, supermarkets, sometimes just gas station, generally you know, or if you didn’t ask around, anticipate that, if you go get into a town with a big grocery store, buy food, ship it forward, only did for really small towns, didn’t want to eat pop tarts and snicker bars, backpacking food, if you don’t go really expensive route, has a lot more nutrients compared to options like instant ramen, after a while, can’t eat this any more, try to mix it up, hit up bulks, blessing to find bulk section, keeping an open mind, would have been hard if I had any dietary restrictions if I was vegan or gluten intolerant, I would have done more sending myself ahead of time, its really not that much cheaper or convenient to send yourself the boxes ahead of time, you’re tastes change

you don’t have a car, last thing you want to do is walk more

TP: from prepper survivalist world, lot of people in fantasy land, vision of how their gonna be so fit, prowess, bad ass, when zombie apocalypse happens, but they’re not conditioning in the mean time, but the experience of doing this endurance drill, makes me think everything has to be so tightly economized, efficiency, variables to consider, you’re probably better prepared for anything to go wrong, then people who make a whole life style out of being a prepper, tripping me out

could you tell me about some of the sort of dietary life hacks that you came up with, as some one doing this frugally, out of necessity, on a budget, how to have healthy food and not junk food

JM: does take a toll, body type can’t just eat anything, when I was on trail, I was like omg I can eat chips and candy, I really felt terrible, I really need to take care of myself, I was like okay I really need to change the trajectory of my nutrition, took a lot of supplements, glucosamine , multivitamin, try to pick up juice shakes, I needed that because when you’re on the trail, you have to consider weight right, weight expense and convenience

for example, you can get tuna packets, just a staple for hikers, thing about them, not terribly expensive, but not cheap either, on cost, in the circle of the through hikers, most people agree it’s about $1000 a month, on a tighter budget its possible to hike less, you’re gonna be spending less time in town, if you’re a social person its a fun part of the experience to explore the town

if you’re on a tight budget its definitely possible to do the hike on less, buy the food in bulk previously

dehydrating food at home and sending forward, people get sick of the same food, but you can spend a lot more on the trail as well, stay in hotel, one bed vs 6 hikers, or alcohol, or deserts, depends on person, average person not super luxurious is about $1000, barrier to entry is not accessible to everybody, it is a big trip, felt very privileged that I had opportunity

TP: bullet points, staple macro nutrients, can feel you on the weight and price, on that path as urban survivalist, trying to figure out what my pallet will enjoy and what my guts will handle, I could have the most Bourgeoisie, organic fresh catered diet to the maximum degree of what I know is the ideal, but if I did that I wouldn’t be able to do anything else, joke about “whole paycheck”

but I do believe in my heart of hearts that there are life hacker ways to have extreme frugality, but have extreme nourishment, bulk, group buys, I’m curious for you, fats, proteins, carbohydrates in that framework, stuff you could tolerate the longest, didn’t make you sick, sweet spot of weight and cost, ramen doesn’t cut it

JM: biggest thing for me, that I bough dehydrated vegetables, basically a soup mix, in bulk, just add it to everything, find the vegetables that you like, if you have a dehydrator, I would say incorporating vegetables into your diet no matter what, can eat dried meat, jerky, bison bars, sausage, tuna or chicken pouches, but if you just have that, you’re lacking that balance,

really enjoyed dried, pre prepared beans, really not that expensive, compared to bison bar, or higher end nut butters, just dried beans, make sure they’ve been dehydrated as cooked beans, they’re like bean flakes, if you’re vegan or something, or if body can’t tolerate fat anymore, its really high fat out there, powered humus also an option

sunflower seeds are really cheap

also drink powders, couldn’t handle the sugar, protein powders keep you full

cheeses work really well, lactose intolerant, but a popular lunch was a flour tortilla, summer sausage, and hard cheese

things like spam, powdered eggs, dehydrated milk, I really enjoyed dried veggies, dried fruits

chilli mangos was a treat, new technologies for much lighter, dehydrated and freeze dried veggies and fruits

really liked raw stuff, everything was so dry, and processed, but things like nutritional yeast, everything but the bagel package, sauce packets, miso soup, chicken noodle soup, powdered taco mix

lots of sodium and preservatives, but they’re light, cheap, last a long time, if in a pinch they have something to offer

I just bit the bullet and got green juices, or super food mixes whenever I could afford it

avoid ramen, so many other things available, entire bagels, last for a few days, instant rice and potatoes, always a staple, nan flat bread, corn tortillas don’t last very well, whole slices of bread, couscous was really popular

you have you’re good old trail mix, mixing it up and making it different, you really start to despise it

TP: shifting into more paleo and keto trend if you will, and so I’ve been experimenting a lot with build seeds, grinding into a more palettable form, powdered tahini, from bulk sesame seeds, grinding down to pumpkin seeds, mixing with coconut oil, like bread and butter, get that experience but it’s low carb, more protein, then having that fat, thinking about weight factor

were people bringing tubs of coconut oil or was it just too much weight, olive oil or other oils, calorie dense but you can’t eat that that much of it

JM: lots of oil, add a scoop of coconut oil to your meal, delicious, add more calories, seen people carrying full glass bottle of hot sauce, to spice things up, seen someone carry a glass jar of coconut oil

when for lighter right

went for single use coconut packets, a light way to incorporate into meals, trying to avoid highly processed carbs, I don’t make me feel that great

nuts, sunflower seeds, chia hemp and flax seeds also in my diet

they’re just delicious

TP: sprouting seeds and recycling water?

JM: read about a woman who sprouted just in a tupperware, poked holes, put a piece of cheese cloth, had fresh greens all week

broccolli, peas, lentils, alfalfa, also there was a time where there was a bunch of rain, miners lettuce foraging in oregon, what if I just threw some of that in to my ramen

TP: what level of foraging is legal/desirable, plant ID nerds, not gonna survive 100% but hope they wouldn’t be too restrictive about that kind of stuff

JM: I really can’t say, if we’re allowed to, it’s a protected trail, but in oregon you have to have a permit to forage for wild mushrooms, also, I definitely eat the huckleberries on the trail that were everywhere, just so many

TP: some things are invasive too, its a benefit

JM: thank you these giant berries we’re going into the trail

if I had a little more confidence in local flora and fauna, know for sure you can’t hunt, if it was permissible I’d totally lead a group, let’s get launch, wild mustard, miners lettuce, local invasive plants, didn’t have personal experience foraging, other than the berries

TP: people not yet in romance with nature yet, remember when I didn’t feel a romance with nature, grew up playing in woods, at the beach, wasn’t a deep yearning to connect with something I’d never known, didn’t feel deprived, took it for granted, video games started to eat my childhood, I don’t want to say disenchanted, I can commiserate with the people who feel like they feel more excitement from video games, socializing, hipster strips, when go out to nature I’m bored, cynical earlier in life, then rekindled romance through gardening, seeking healing, would love to have you in your words, help people feel into the shifts and transformation and deep soul tissue healing that’s happening, if you could romanticize the journey

JM: I think just to start it off, if you’re not in love, or find yourself bored, but you’re stressed out, want to work on health, nurture it better, just like to share, some of the research that is, where we are right now with nature immersion is where yoga was, in terms of more mainstream, widespread, growing body of research combined with intuitive understanding, tipping point, health researchers, government, very progressive, bring nature to people’s every day lives, it can lower stress hormone levels, reduce nervous system arousal, enhance immune system function, decrease anxiety, improve mood, help with aggression, accelerate healing

highly stimulated in this world now, if you want to try, give it a chance, big study, 20k people, people who spent 2 hours a week in green spaces, parks, neighborhood with a ton of trees, just hanging out and removing yourself from urban environment, traffic, noise, any kind of natural environment, either all at once or spaced out, like taking 10 minutes on launch break, fresh air, giving self space

attention restoration theory, allows brain to restore, allows cognition, your brain giving it space and time to relax, when you go back to desk or work, cognition levels are much better

little things like that, if you’re not someone who gets super excited, its such an easy thing, give yourself 10 minutes, 2 hours a week spread out, try it

when we make something important, our health, mental health, emotional states, spiritual states, at very least, relax and think, relax and not think, taking time to do that, make it important, have that connection with natural space it will begin to show itself to you

a friend that is not trying to tell you what to do with your life, or unsolicited advice, they’re just there, allow you to work through whatever you’re going through

natural world all of the patterns that exist in that space are things that as humans we’ve evolved with, all very familiar

one quote I really love, from scientist who was a pioneer for forest bathing Japan, “we are visually fluent in the patterns of the natural world, because we evolved in the scenery of the natural world we can process its patterns easily, it is this fluency that relaxes us”

TP: stress less, talk to the nature painting, talk to the landscape

JM: with my own business, researching so much, why isn’t this more popular, why isn’t this more well known

allow attention to restore our brains, to chill out, thinking tests better, in New York, some crazy busy place, even just looking at pictures of nature, videos, listening, put on headphones listen to nature sounds

all of that is beneficial, so it’s like why not

not the most stimulating, in terms of instant gratification, but if you make your health, mental health, emotional state, a priority, 10 minutes a day for you to level up

TP: PSA for gamers, as of just very recently Santa Cruz has joined Oakland, decriminalize entheogenic plants and fungi, the whole suite of plant derived entheogens, still federally highly regulated, but just like cannabis, this movement is growing very fast, #decriminalizenature, I feel like for me what shift was the romance with nature 10xed when I started to integrate dancing in the garden with psychedelics, because all of that dopamine you’d get from slaying dragons in a video game world, you’ll be that thrilled just watching the flow of nature, and being a part of it, and doing your own shadow work, and having nature spirits help you with that

don’t want impose that narrative on our work

JM: hemp will save the world environmentally

TP: what are some of the more cinematic moments

JM: very very beautiful views are conducive of these type of moments, knowing that when you’re looking out on this beautiful landscape, mountain peaks, feel very small, but very connected, look out and see all these pieces of me, subatomic particles, everything is me, and I am it, really grounding type of experience to have, look out, wow all the issues I’m struggling with or limiting factors, or negative head space, all that just dissipates, because you put things into perspective, look into the night sky, see the stars, and you just, sense of awe, and admiration, and deep respect, when you are just so connected, just in tune

TP: I feel that, live for those vistas, any times where equipment failed, or got soaked, freezing, suffer through a night, moments of triumph

JM: I would say nature is cruel but powerful mistress, so like, in the same way that it will guide me into this revelation about absolute awe adoration, at the same time I’ve been cold, and hungry, and so defeated, but I think those are the moments when we’re struggling, going through change, extreme internal conflict due to weather and terrain, you’re able to grow, I have so much respect for nature, those experiences teach you how to tap into your grit, drive is more important than intrinsic motivation, which is fleeting, tap into own tenacity, hardship

when things are gravy at home, stressed out from work or life, but physically when you are drenched, no placed to put your tent, or snow, post holing thigh deep, on side of mountain gotta get off but sun is setting

even just being out there and pushing yourself is honestly the best way to make a transformation, quickest and most impactful way

meditation is very powerful and important, but holy moly I just did that, very immediate evolution when you experience that kind of physical challenge

just think about it, anytime you get pummeled in the ocean, I respect you so much, I will not through trash in you, I’m just a naked human, a flesh bag

TP: break up, death of loved own, quitting smoking or drinking, seems like any kind of major shift or transition even if its just a week, sounds like you’re a great person to be an evangelist for this, and it’s not a pill that you just take and pay big pharma to have you on a pill for the rest of your life, hopefully get off anti-depressants, I can feel that

we’ll have you back to talk more about your business, thought about doing meet ups, I was just exposed to night hiking, maybe we’ll be looking forward to what you have to offer, more than welcome to promote

JM: for now, instagram up, jessicamoonco on instagram, hoping to launch officially next month if you are stressed out, want some mindfullness guidance and encouragement to get out doors, definitely check me out, jessicamoon.co forthcoming

TP: heart ached when you told me you were in a corporate career, didn’t hear the exhuberance in your voice when you told me about it, glad it served you well for business administration, training for solopreneur, blessings to everyone who thrives in that environment, having known you at the peak of your youthful enthusiasm for exploration and breaking rules and being a rebel, I’m so thrilled to know that everything is coming full circle for you.

I had similar story of it being incongruent with spirit/soul being in a cubicle, but knowing when I was in corporate environment I was mining the experience so I wouldn’t just be a broke ass hippy, I’d know how to take a penny and make two pennies with out

JM: thank you so much for having me, thank you so much for your attention and hope we can get out doors, level up, hope you have a beautiful week

TP: been a treasure and blessing, much love to you and all your beloveds

Lab Report: Shaktification as Non-Invasive Demonectomy TPP232

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sexual-healing-with-psychedelic-goddess-worship In this episode I share a lab report from mid 2019 which documents an important break through in my sexual healing with psychedelic goddess worship research. The mixed and mastered version of the Psychedelic Goddess Worship track on the Sexorcism the Tantric Opera album proved to have powerful potentials to induce what I’m calling “shaktification as non-invasive demonectomy. My (non-verbatim) show notes are below.

Non invasive is used for surgeries, the body is not penetrated

Man cave, goddess temple lave, unclinical lab, produced an album to create the vibrational landscape for a non-invasive demonectomy on my self

multiple sessions, increasing doses’

could solve the problem of how do you induce a non-invasive demonectomy, that’s effective, unlike the techniques of the dominant paradigm of exorcism, the catholic church and their protocols

with an understanding, time does not heal, if untreated the infections only get worse and in the case of men, there’s a higher potential of survivor-perpetrators

for women, less likely to harm others, but will often harm themselves, that’s the handy work of the demons that were inserted into them in acts of abuse and molestation

demons express themselves in female survivors much less as sexual offense

in males, less divine feminine grace, cults of gang rape, women don’t usually form thug cults of rape

don’t know of any witches who are known to have done that

but men, gang up and bully runts on football team, and geeks in the classroom, they gang up and rape the cheerleaders, their so susceptible and when you get survivors in that mix, its that much more of a cascading effect

it should be axiomatic, if that infection doesn’t get disinfected immediately, than you are harboring, just like Geiger shows us, is the “face huggers”, that’s what he’s talking about, it’s all demons, their parasites, inject themselves into human host, sexual aliens, if there was a xxx Giger, that’s me, showing what’s going on

gotta figure out how to interrupt the larval cycle, to interrupt the propagation

some times sexual penetration is appropriate, however there are times when it’s not

there’s a magical power that flows through, the goddess kali shaki, and the magic mushroom, what I can demonstrate and have footage of, is capturing the rapid seizure like convulsions that occur with the shakti is invoked, not just shivers, not just normal kriyas, a controlled seizer

a presence of mind, it’s possible to surrender, but be prepared, yoga, martial arts, dancing, landscaping, know my body and have agility to phase in and out of possession states

not faking, not faking, not a parlor trick, not a magic trick, not putting on a show

I have the ability to shut it off, goddess has been earning trust from me so I can surrender more
use elbows to brace neck, stay ahead of the sense of more intense movements

set and setting for combat training, you could use padding, or train on the beach

design consciousness of low impact, the sand absorbs impact, avoiding pavement

expecting to trash around, expecting to be taken for a ride, do due diligence to be warmed up enough

not be in a contortion to snap their neck, people doing jiu jitsu, they’re aware of when they’re in danger, and maneuver out of it

gotta be bad ass ninja warriors

it’s possible, I’ve proven to myself, that adding more people is beneficial, but in the dilemma of when you can’t add anybody, what do you do, well this seems to be it, maybe not the only thing, but could be more effective than calling the local priest exorcist

they did the deeds themselves and now they’re gonna do the exorcism, you brought the demons you’re not taking them out

sexorcism that doesn’t involve any inappropriate touch or any touch at all

it happened to me to a degree never before experienced

it’s happened before, but not to this extent

she’s like an infinite array of octopoid, insectoid, she has the ability to move you in a lot of different ways

she’s going in and doing a demonic abortion

what she’s doing is what an abortion doctor would do

as sad and heartbreaking as it can be, that’s what goddess kali is doing the demons in the chakras, she’s sucking and pulling them out

these are fully formed, although I do see often that there are multiple life stages, there are hatchlings, old ones, etc. we don’t know how long they live

shamans probably have a clue, but we’re grasping in the dark, but that’s what’s happening

if you watch sexorcism the tantric opera where there’s a lot of hand laying on people, sometimes just the aura, it’s a lot of handy work, but what has been achieved to an extreme with me, is that with the track “psychedelic goddess worship” singing the mantras along with it, its raiding the demon nest, allowing kali to do the demonectomy, extracting these violent creatures, shifts in the amount of demonic load, measurable, this is like colonics

I think I made an important discovery, a hands off, solo, non-invasive demonectomy, you may want to try this yourself and go from no medicine, to cannabis low to high dose, then mushrooms low to high dose, and experiment with the music, looping the track psychedelic goddess worship in setting where you have people watching over you, and you’re surrounded by cushions, and you have martial arts/yoga background, be agile like a cat to prevent injury, if that’s you and you’re suffering and you’ve not found healing in toxic relationships, in psychiatric drugs, or yoga postures, or vipasan, or being saved by Jesus, or getting an exorcism, or singing hare krisna, or doing a detox, I say try everything else , this is a last resort

these are things that I”ve seen that will turn you white, like Winston from Ghost Busters

old school orthodox sri rama krisna order kali worshipers say things like think about it, people go to kali when they’re crushed, when they’re hating life because “it least there will be peace”, they’re harangued by demons, you go to the kali temple and there is peace, hopefully not a patriarchal priesthood

I emphasis female kali priestesses in my work, trying to get back the secret mantras, and decode the art,

the braminization of the goddess, “she was a tribal deity who was absorbed into vedic pantheon”

she was/is a village goddess

decolonize your tantra

get back to psychedelic village level goddess worship

occupying armies, languages, soma, occupying, absorb goddesses take them away from the people then feed it back to them and it’s all corrupted, bastardization by priest craft, put in empire of ego, male ego

I bow down to women who are priestesses, sorting it out, pagan villager medicine woman shamanism craft, that’s what we want to get all the way back down to

the pure hearted matriarchs of the village, witch craft

I’ve said it enough times now, how to translate this, we need to give a voice to the witches and let them do it laboratory conditions

I’m just the messenger, the source is the dakinis and yoginis, who are in state of grace simply because they dont’ have a penis that can be weapons

I don’t have a clue about what was really going on with the cult of the 64 yoginis but there seems to have been a ratio of men to women where women are quite obliged to run the show, quite obliged to minimize and intelligently design with the shiva energy, operating within their coven

I will only get better and better at doing the scholarship on these claims

women are blessed and women are cursed and we need to address this without the backlash

we can be brothers in prostration to the goddess, and experience our masculinity in its most potent form

we’ll get hardest erections when we worship the goddess

ritualized sexual matriarch, that’s probably a useful simplified term

a more rapid depiction

high dose mushrooms, safe-ish setting

looping the track psychedelic goddess worship, mixed and mastered version

never before got as far

turned into an astral battlefield, astral combat, very much like scene in big trouble in little china, when Lo Pan fights Eg Shen, astral avatars battle on their behalf

I got into contortions, spontaneous mudras, like speaking in tongues with your hands, never been trained to do, never done before, seeing my fingers become like black widow spider legs, beautiful sacred geometric formations, like weaving a spider web, as I invoke her more and sing her in more, I become what looks like a mix of black soldier fly and cobra, slithering sounds, autonomically happening the more I surrender, seeing myself as sort of dragon fly mixed with black widow, seeing now how you can allow yourself to be, in a benevolent manner, but possessed, so she can devour demons through you

co-presence between dimensions, I had to think omg this is the fly, I’m Jeff Goldbloom, but that was so gruesome and hideous, but this was beautiful, how could that be re-imagined so it was totally beautiful…so the triumphantness of the incredible hulk, still shocking and bizarre, but whats’ the more beautiful transformation where you see it as totally beautiful and elegant, nothing horrific about it, what would that be, there’s a shape shifting character.

it’s like super mario brothers when you get the tanuki suit, you jump on the mushroom and then basically you become big, you go fast, you have super powers you jump high, game play is enhanced, and with the tanuki suit you get this magic item, this feather, if you get it you can jump and almost fly, you get lift off like a helicopter, its been a long time but the thing I’m pointing to is, imagine you have the power to shape shift, as powerful as incredible hulk but not as nasty and freakish as the fly, it’s not like a horror movie like Freddie Kreuger, nightmare on elm street part two where he comes out of the guy and just sheds him, that’s the ugly version, that’s not what I’m talking about, she’s elegantly sharing my space, I am her she is me, queen bee, cobra snake, transitioning to that with the beauty and elegance of the tanuki suit. Maybe in the Star Trek movie where Kirk ends up getting it on with a shape shifter, she was totally hot, she was actually a beast that can shape shift, imagine that you could totally shape shift into a creature and have it be seamless

it’s possible to invoke the goddess and for her to embody you, and not just putting on make up and pretending to be her iconic formation
I normally see her outside of me, this time more than ever, she enveloped me, I’ve been enveloped by her, clamped down on me, fucking me to purify my chakras, but still being outside of me, penetrating, workign through me, she can swim through me, but like being enveloped by a jellyfish, about to get teeth into my chakras

but this way, she is in my like thundercats

another bad version is like the Edgar suit from Men in Black, demons wear me like the Edgar suit, but Kali wears me to extract the demons from the Edgar suit so I can just be Edgar again, then she’s in the suit, but not possessing to do harm

Sufiana didn’t report becoming the insectoid being, but she described herself rolling out her tongue and hissing, the deity possession trance state, the shamanic healing state

I documented that process later, being very limited financially, very limited with legal sanctioning if at all, having some blessing and bold outlaws to join forces with me, not me manipulated a cult, but me offering educational tools, not involving my dick

I keep my pants on for people who are not my lovers, is that fair, that’s probably a fair way to say it, if you’re my client my pants are on, if you’re my lover, that’s negotiable

back to the non-invasive…able to move massive chunks, being rattled like a freight train, by her, squeezing and working with her to do the contracts, she’s doing the work of the abortion doctor, while I’ll in contracts and pushing out at the same time, it’s so harsh, but you know there have to have been abortions throughout time in crude conditions, certainly not modern legally sanctioned conditions, where the intent was to kill the fetus during the contractions of labor

she’s an insectoid alien goddess, with blackskin, and bejeweled eyes, like the tantric scriptures say, read the 1008 names of Kali and you’ll see the depictions

I need artists to help me with this, graphic novelists, visionary artists

if you could see a woman in labor, shaking convulsing, contracting, seizures and convulsion and simultaneously a female abortion doctor reaching in so as not to leave pieces inside trying to get everything out in one whole piece and eating that thing, but it’s not a baby it’s not in the womb, it’s demons in the chakras

an interplay between goddess kali as the hungry abortion doctor, it’s her doing what she’s evolved to do which is eat demons, I’m serving my demons to the goddess,

an interplay of surrender, and the embodying of the goddess through allow her energy and body to enter your body in a way that is non invasive, she is invasive but in a good way and in a welcomed way,

but no instruments, no cutting devices, no fingers, hands, sexual contact by humans, that’s the best way to describe what’s happening
been in this state many many times, what was different this time was the force

this was the first time I was able to do what I wanted to do all these years, was able to carry it out, to a potent degree, get a massive chunk of demonic biomass, with love and power and strength and courage of the goddess inside of me, her power to purge me, with her mandibles, ready to feast, and it being a much much bigger portion, to the degree that I got the sense that her stomach was full, it had only been oderves up to this point, they were just taking out small grains of rice with chopsticks, she was going in their with her salad tongs to get massive platefuls at once, she got so full, I felt like okay I’m exhausted, she’s full, but after these big chunks got out, hadn’t happened before

very light, blinding to the 3rd eye, sheaths my vision, no more seeing the demonic monsters coming out of me, that make alien look like bambi, all of it, once this massive chunk was taken out gets replaced by this beautiful white light, scaring me, did I damage my optic nerve, I’m just seeing pure white, fuck, there’s some kind of damage…no this is the loving light, dont’ freak out and panic now, go with it, enjoy

instructed to use my own hands, placed fingers against root chakra at the perineum, while the white light was there, use the power to seal the chakra, using massage, using this light healing energy, to use mudras, palm chakras, finger chakras, to do this healing work, like cauterizing a wound, the shakti through palm chakra and finger chakras whill the white light is there, wow, fuck yeah, anatomical surgical orthodoxy, what we think about when we talk about a chakra tune up

these analogies to auto mechanics and surgeons are very apt

you’re doing the work with her, auto-non invasive demonectomy

I had the power and free will to move my body, re-adjust for comfort, drink some water, get up and just make sure the door was locked, again, not ideal conditions

there you have it, what I’ve been working on for years, one of the most glorious since 5.5 year ago initiation with Sufiana

I would like to just be living in the world that we created, to never have been separated by financial duress, within the realm of reasonable periodicity, with medical staff, scientists, medical researchers, the Bangladesh UN security force, that’s what I fantasize about, having the support to do it right

this is like version 0.0001 of the technology, this is not ready, I don’t know what it’s ready for, if you’re suicidal right now and it’s a question of you killing yourself and you dabbling into what I’m talking about, I’m willing to take that risk, this isn’t medical advice, this isn’t therapeutic/psychiatric advise, I’ll make all the disclaimers, in the spirt of YOLO, (actually its not yolo because you live many times) don’t do this in the spirit that everybody wants to see the machine elves that Terence Mckenna talks about, this is a little more extreme than that, do this because it’s life and death for you right until we get the point with research to where so mild version exists, like salsa there will be mild, medium, hot, warning label, extreme hot

if you want to dabble because you’re an extreme case of demon infection, they’re in those hard to reach spots, there’s that song where my demons hide, you want to know, It’s possible to find out, I’m not gonna tell everyone to follow my path

Kali Mandir satsang, a lot of these scriptures, don’t think that they’re all agreed upon by all the priests and priestesses, there are things that are written in stone, but a lot of the scriptures were people exploring and taking notes, like a yogi could be saying “when I said this mantra, at this place and this time in this way, I got reversed gang banged by hot astral dakinis, and I don’t know if this will happen to you, this is me I’m doing me, you do you, I don’t want to implant thought forms and skew it, and contaminated the control group, I’m just trying to build on my own research, I love what the yogis say, talking about female astral non human entities, coming down purifying his soul and doing all this healing work, sounds like what I’m talking about and if he were on mushrooms he’d be able to describe in greater detail, or maybe he was a yogi that attained an endogenous psychedelic state

nothing new here, I’m saying things that have been suppressed for by patriarchy demonic war lords for 1000s of years, but were open source tech as sexual shamanic witchcraft, held by cultures of the world, just business as usually to maintain a shamanic community

when its a matter of infestation of lower chakras, there’s some modality that’s not creepy, predatory or abusive, to somehow empower people to have auto-non-invasive demonectomy sexorcism, auto invasive demonectomy sexorcism, I’ve milked my own prostate, kali possessing me, shards of light coming in, healing, demons coming out, most stunning gorgeous arrays, beauty is subjective, every woman and aspiring woman who ever put on make up with the intent to beautify herself, what every single one strives for is what can be seen when you invoke the goddess with these mantras, and with 3rd eye open with mushrooms

me doing me, phenomenologically, in my own bubble, the most beautiful feminine facial features, and graceful sensual movement, and just every woman or aspiring woman aspires to be, that’s what I’m given, that’s what I’m seeing and if it wasn’t for seeing that I would have ended me life a long time ago on this journey, the brutal beautiful truth is that you gotta go through hell to get to heaven, for the sake of what I’m saying now, I’ve seen the most grotesque creatures I could ever possibly imagine, and take all the monsters ever made in art and film and multiply that by a hundred, and you maybe will get close to how freakish and grotesque and disturbing and mortifying, miracle you’re not catatonic seeing this, the antidote to that hideousness, that makes it tolerable, to look at it as you’re pulling it out, the unpleasantness of removing a tape-worm, the unpleasantness of disinfecting that wound with that pus in it, and all of that, I know there are places in the world where there are blood parasite or urinary tract parasites, pulling a barbed fish parasite out of your urethra, that should feel pretty hideous and I bet that what I see in these ceremonies induces a similar level of mortification, disgust that you would have if you had to do that, while I’ve had to endure that hideousness, if you ever see the electron microscope of blood parasites, imagine if they were just, if you were in a realm where you were shrunken down to be in a massively dense cluster of all kinds of different blood parasites the ones with the circular mouths, and the ravor sharp thorny looking teeth, and weird suckers and pincers, the most alien, bizarre, monstrous, aquatic looking, arthropod looking blood parasites, imagine you were shrunken down a million times and being eaten alive but what, in scale wise becomes these giant giant monsters, then that’s what it feels like and looks like in there, I’m afraid to teach anyone to do what I have done because I fear that they would ever come back from that state of visual disturbance to where they wouldn’t just immediately slit there own wrists and literally rip there own eyes out,not knowing that they can’t reach far enough in to pull their pineal gland out, are you gonna crack open your head and pull your fuckin 3rd eye out and stomp on it, that’s what you’re gonna wanna do if you fuckin see the shit I’ve seen, omg, its nothing the shamans of the amazon don’t see every fucking day, it’s business as usual to have to confront these grotesque forms of life, if you know that you are bigger than them and you step back and you go no I’m not the shrunken millionth of a size me inside of of their world, their inside of my world and I can step up to them like standing up to a bully and I can exorcism them and I can purge them with the medicine, of course you have icaros in south America , and you have mantras in India, how to have syncretic shamanism, sacred sexuality and healing work, lets bring the best of the cultures and not be left with the patriarchal douche-baggery of suppressing the feminine

seeking the path of the goddess here we are, here I am

I get to see the antidote to that hideousness which is the extreme beauty

what makes it all worth it is the sweet beautiful blessed honor of beholding and being imbued with and making love with and being possessed by and suited up by, I have been suited up by the most loving most beautiful, most exquisitely constructed bioarchitecture deity, I don’t know maybe you gotta be the kind of person that things ants and bees are cute

this is the way to look at it, if you’ve ever thought of how in cartoons they’ve made ants and bees look pretty and feminine, and then sexualize that and m ake it into a super hot, goth, metal, sort of like, matrixy club, goth industrial club, shining latex, everything we think about the dark erotic, she is the dark erotic cartoon bee spider, just a cuteness and sexiness and a otherworldliness and an alienness, how many sexy beautiful loving aliens have we seen in sci fi, someone tell me, some show me some, I’m sure they’re in different comics and things, some of the arists they’re doing it, they’re bringing it, astral ecology with Tom Denney, his artwork is the cover of my book, you only have to wait until my book is released to see what I’m talking about, the beautiful feminine alien insectoid goddess who will turn you on, turn you inside out, but but you right back together, surgically restore the soul parts, tuck your chakras back in to your astral body, kiss you goodnight, tuck you in, all the works, the motherly maternal aspect, the sexual healing dakini wild, again, I’m saying nothing new, because you go to an orthodox kali puja and they are saying kali we love you you are the mother, you are the lover you are the friend, and not at all invoking, you hear the word mofo all the time in this culture, all over the world, I don’t know what’s going on there, this is not a Fredian Oedeple kink or neurosis, this is very different and it’s it’s own thing, I kind of went through my messiah complex already, at first I wanted everybody to fuckin know this, because it defeats the tyranny of all patriarchal world religions, more powerful more profound, more radical, more anarchistic, more revolutionary than any prophet, any christ, any saint, in buddha, any yogi,none of them delivery this unless they’re deep into the worship of kali or the tantric goddesses, of which kali is often considered to be the mother matriarchy, the queen bee of the many goddesses of the tantric pantheon, which is influenced with the vedic pantheon but has interplay ultimately with the village goddesses

the beauty is out there, the truth is out there, the beauty is in her, the truth is in there, you’ll see her the way I see her in Tom Denney’s book and on the cover of my book and I didn’t commission him to do that, he did that because he is tuned in as an artist, the way Terence Mckenna describes it to be an artist who sees the future, who can tap into the astral plane, or have the astral plane tap into them, wish me luck

pray for my protection, I’ll be doing my best to sheriff the perimeter of our reality and clean up the infection sites and to fortify the souls of the next generation and to really hospice the souls of this generation, where I am feeding and nourishing many goddesses and keeping myself as humble as possible with as small as a physical footprint of property ownership as possible, with as few possession as possible, and if surrender my money and wealth as it comes through as I have been doing to my beloved priestesses and trust that as long as they hold the sword above my hands and my head and they chose not to let the sword fall on to my arms and onto my neck than I will be continuing to do my work in a good way, and they will be the beneficiaries, they will be my sexecutioners if the time comes, each with their sharpened swords, ready to take a whack, so be it

Exploring the Lifestyle of a Phone Sex Artist with Sensual Sharon Somers TPP217

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Sharon Somers Pic

In this episode I’m joined by Sensual Sharon Somers for a fun and exciting exploration of the lifestyle of a phone sex artist. We learn about how the industry works, what it takes to make it, what to expect, how she’s been able to make it for years as a small business woman, the freedom and efficiency of home business operations, how she compassionately entertains and soothes the bizarre and often wounded sexual psyches of countless men, the patterns she’s observed, the broader ramifications for a more sexually healthy and expressed society, and much much more!

About Sharon :

Sharon has been a phone sex operator, recording artist and writer for adult websites for 11 years now. Her voice is well known online for the recordings of hundreds of erotic short stories she has done that are posted on her own sites and on erotic short stories sites.

https://erotictalkphonesex.com/index.html

https://eroticaudiorecordings.com/

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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello Debra Levin podcast episode summaries who is a phone sex artist extraordinaire that’s all kinds of erotic audio and I reached out to The Exodus Community on the forms of extras. Net to see if there are any folks out there would like to do some self promotion and increase I had you keep folks on this podcast and had a few people step up and want to be on the show and then she’s one of them and I’m excited to share this beautiful wild Amazing adult industry with her and learn about 11 years I believe career in doing phone sex and an erotic audio media and I’m also in that game so I always love to meet other people who are doing doing that work and share that talk shopping and learn about some of the tricks of the trade so with that said Sharon do you want to tell us about it whatever detail is appropriate to come ask your true identity and to allow you to have your stage name but just curious if you could tell the story of Sharon Summers if it’s not totally your personal thank you very much for having me first of all being like a lot of ladies in the business unfortunately I got into it because of financial desperation granted that’s not the reason all women get into it but a lot do it, the last chance type of job for some people so I found myself doing that but I I found out pretty quickly that it actually fit perfectly in with my life I wanted something where I can work from home have the freedom of hours to login logout whenever I wanted if I need to go out for the day have a dentist appointment or want to go to the theater to see a matinee I don’t have anybody’s permission I can just log out and go and I love that kind of Freedom it it really just fits in with my nature so I started doing that and then very quickly after getting into the phone sex work I started doing the erotic audios and so clients will submit their stories that they’ve written about their fantasies and I will narrate them for them and they have those to enjoy and listen to over and over and over I mean want to call is over it’s over I don’t record calls or anything help clients don’t either but when they have an erotic audio they can just listen to that anytime they want that’s actually surprised me how many have said oh yes I do he’s a few times a week and I’m like wow you’re really getting your money’s worth out of those and I started doing writing for adult websites I had always written short stories for my own enjoyment before I ever got into anything at all. I’ve been writing short stories ever since I was a teenager and so I wrote a lot of the material for the earlier adios that I did before I mainly started doing one’s the clients submitted their work to me to narrate and so there was an owner of a phone sex company that was interested in posting some of my audio is on his his phone sex site from her clients that we’re waiting for collars and what not and so he said did you write these then I suggest and he said would you be interested in writing some blogs promoting my phone sex websites and I said of course I’ve never done it before but I’m willing to try so I’ve been writing for various phone sex websites for over 10 years on a weekly basis another operators as well because not all ladies enjoy the writing that they don’t have an aptitude for it and some companies actually will require the lady to submit a couple of written works a week because it helps a site with their search engine optimization Drive clients to the side against them higher up in the Google rankings and whatnot so they need somebody to write all this content and ladies that don’t like to write themselves will find somebody like me and I will write it for them then they pay me to do it so I do that in addition to the phone and the erotic audio said I do it’s so fascinating I just feel like we could be on Shark Tank or something right now or some other kind of really found your Niche and you it sounds like this is a calling for you and there’s so many layers of opportunity in ecosystem of feel like you are like pitching to Angel Investors and you’ve got a business plan you’ve got all these things kind of dialed in and and yeah just there should be a training program because it sounds like a dream life really isn’t it built the business unfortunately or fortunately for the veterans like me it has an extremely high turnover of women that we’ll try it some will only last a few hours some will last a few days so I’m a few weeks it’s not that common to find women that have been in it for the long haul like me and yet I know a couple of other ladies that have been doing it for 20 years 35 years have really been in the game from way before the internet even when it was just people working out of little Pocono call centers and whatnot I’ve always worked at home but when it started out before the internet people were working in these call centers I can’t even imagine doing a job like this then I call center it would be crazy but I know some of them have got this experience but a lot of girls that will try it they can’t deal with it they can’t deal with the needs and wants of some of these callers cuz they can be pretty unusual to have the kind waste so they will they’re just their socks off day they can’t do it so it has a very very high turnover of women that do it what do you think it takes to be one of the long-term success. I love to know what what you feel like Nikki. The power well I can only speak for myself I don’t know what motivates other people I think for the ones that really find out quickly that it fits in well with the lifestyle that they want to work from home have the flexibility of ours what have you they make it work and that was the boat that I’m in I never went to college I had never worked from the time I finish high school until I got into this I had only ever looked after my grandmother from the time I finish high school so when you’re here for a number of years you’ve never worked a day in your life your options are kind of limited on the flea and easy I certainly didn’t want to have to go back to school I hated school it just that was not what I wanted I mean who exactly is going to hire somebody that has zero experience you know what are your options McDonald’s or Wal-Mart really and I definitely we knew I did not want to do that so I told myself from day one failure was not an option that I had to make this work and I have made it work there certainly ladies that are a lot more successful profitable than I am but I get by I get by just fine and it just it fits perfectly so I knew that I had to make it work and it definitely helped that I do the audio is in the writing because that supplements my income there’s some lady said they only do calls there’s lots of them that don’t do any audio at all most certainly don’t do any writing so I’m very glad that I have those other things that I do and I do non-adult voice work as well not a lot the majority of the voice works that I do is adult in nature but I still have several companies that I do small jobs for for PBX phone systems where you know you’re doing Prince one for accounting press two for human resources guy do stuff like that as well as those I have several of these small little jobs of months I mean they’re just tiny little things but I always figured no matter how small the job is like that even if this company is only paying me $10 a month that’s $10 I otherwise would not have it all adds to the pot at the end of the month that’s how I look at it so yeah you know sometimes I’ll get 20 of reading some months from a company other time so only be a couple but they all out outfits how you have to look at it and you never know somebody that you’ve worked for they make it some kind of a lead for you of somebody else that wants somebody to do something like this and they’ll recommend you so there’s all kinds of different things by I love the voice over work I do the most boring job I ever had for voice-over was I had to take the series of audios on english-as-a-second-language oh my God that was just torture it really was a job get through it it was just the most boring tedious thing but I’m not there to be entertained I’m there to narrate their script I realized that I’m not there to have a great time so you just get through the work and and that’s it and I’m grateful for all these little voice over jobs that come my way adults or vanilla weather brings up a good point which is that anybody who has or whatever reason the occasion to even dabble in anything they don’t industry it’s going to give you a lot of life skills and negotiation skills communication skills business personal finance all kinds of even even legal sometimes contract writing and reading skills and so I looked that you’ve been able to Branch out and just sounds like you’re living the dream of the freelancer who’s actually been able to make it and then I never have to work for the man in a way that makes you feel like you’re stuck in a cubicle 95 or something him at school, she’s like you don’t know how lucky you’ve got it I wouldn’t say I’ve living the dream you know talking to guys and every day and night about their 2 inch penis as I don’t know where that would be considered living the dream but whenever it talking to the grates on my nerves and I can’t listen to one more of them complain about how they have a 2 inch penis or some other bizarre problem I have I just keep telling myself these people you know your bread and butter people that I’ve told the first thing that they will say is all you’re so lucky to be able to work from home that is one thing that everybody says one of the first things when I when I tell people that I do that they’re they’re jealous they want to be able to work from home and they can’t and some of them I got long commutes and I mean I love live theater I go to Toronto several times a year to go see shows and lots of times I’ll be sitting on the train I go on the commuter train in the morning and these poor people there like slave helicopter laptops own and everything doing their work on the way to work and sometimes they’ll tell me oh yeah I take the train for an hour there and an hour back or there was one way to deceive in 2 hours each way I thought what kind of life is that to be commuting one to two hours each way I wouldn’t do that for anyting you know my commutes for four feet from the bed to the chair her basically I just can’t imagine people having to commute like that in their whole lives are wrapped up in this is like dark when they leave the house dark by the time they get home that’s not a life for me so I’m very very grateful I can work at home awesome yeah well I actually had they said I’ve done been this work quite a number of hours myself and I said some of the best money I’ve ever made and you always get those repeat clients and they just kind of stuck in a loop of like a broken record of the fantasy and I just want to pump you full of the money like your pinball machine or something really interesting you bring up the point about that the man with small penises and you feel like you have developed weather maybe it’s inmates you or make you feel like you’ve been able to be in some sensor a priestess of spiritual healer something some way of therapists in the sense that you’re helping people move make some progress in their their fantasy lives there and their body image of king of size issues that you get that fine that the people can rely on you for some of that type of nutrient your healing energy when I was in school so this job has fulfilled a lot of fat but it’s funny that you say about Sin all the different pant suits I remember when I started I was so worried thinking how am I going to think of a difference little scenario to spend for these guys every single time they call Will it quickly became apparent that I’d say about 90% of collars when they call they basically want the same call over again and I thought so many times for it to be so much easier if you just recorded it and replayed it because it’s almost like to know the letter to be exact sense of what they want you to say they there’s very few that actually seek a lot of variety in their fantasies most of them want to go through the exact same fantasy every single time so it’s like you can do those calls with those types of collars practically on autopilot because you know exactly what they want once you’ve done it a few times you know you have the script basically in your head and it’s funny the way that some of them just want the same thing over and over and over and I’ve had some clients for the whole 11 years and there’s still the same way it’s like every time they call they want to talk about the exact same thing so it’s kind of amusing to me honestly that there that predictable write it that I’ve had the same experience and I suppose if it’s something that doesn’t seem really self abusive or harmful then I’ll go along with it and and humor them and everything but I can’t I send it that’s them in some direction of of transcendence of of something if it’s really troubling to them a really sort of negative in some sense that but she also can’t be judgmental right so so you can you without holding anybody specifically or any specific can use talk about some of the general patterns beyond the obligatory small penis calls and maybe even talking about that it’s like what are some of these patterns that you’ve observed over that many years of what what what what’s going on inside of the mind of you lose man you know we don’t know how much, babe what what percentage of the population they really really really represent you know if statistically but but it’s great to be great to hear from you sound like what some of the the patterns are people can relate the lives of others definitely patterns that emerge once you talk to some of these people and totally different guys that have nothing to do with one another and they basically have the same fantasies the small penis humiliation calls it that’s one of my most popular calls that I get I get more of those practically than any other type of call and the pattern does quickly present itself you know this poor guy Mother Nature has shortchanged him there’s nothing he can do no matter how much money he’s willing to spend no matter what kind of surgeries he’s willing to endear there’s not really much that he can do he’s got a small dick and he’s always going to have a small deck and it is so ingrained in their minds that women are going to reject them make fun of them mock them other men are going to belittle them that I swear if these men had their greatest prayer answered and they woke up the next day with an 8 inch penis they wouldn’t know what the hell to do with it because it is so part of their psyche that they are small and inadequate to please a woman they wouldn’t know what to do with it they really wouldn’t they would be very uncomfortable there’s been several of these guys that I’ve said well why don’t you just go to an escort and they’re not going to reject you as long as you’ve got money they’re not going to reject you and they get so uncomfortable when I said that that they will do everything but a dance to get away from you know me saying that so I tried not even bother saying it anymore because it’s just falling on deaf ears they don’t really want to go to any woman that is going to accept them because that is foreign that is uncomfortable and that is unfamiliar and they don’t want it and if they did go to some escort that would take them no matter how small their dick is they would be probably as limp as a dish Rag and not able to do anything because they’re on foreign territory they’re only used two women laughing at them in or telling their girlfriends and making fun of them it’s it’s so so part of their nature now, but that’s all they’ve known their whole lives they don’t want anybody to accept them and and I said especially with a guy that’s just slightly undersized if he says I’m 5 in the North American average erect so I’m like well as small but it’s workable it’s not worth rejecting somebody over and they they don’t want to hear this they do not want to hear acceptance on any level they’re like oh no know if it’s under a tin they’re to be reasoned with they just want to be mocked and made fun of but that pattern very quickly comes out especially with those ones that group more than any other there’s there’s definite patterns guys into spanking fetishes were usually caught by mom masturbating and spank him with the punishment and even though mom may have been dead for the last 30 years they’re still beating off thinking of getting you know spanked when they were a kid for getting caught that pattern quickly came out to that that one’s very predictable if a guy has a spanking fetish the chances are he was spanked as punishment well yeah this is I would have to I would have to be honest and say I’m not a trained psychotherapist your psychoanalyst or anything but are you acting sad devil is an armchair philosopher at least of all things psychological and I think a lot of people into it the the earliest erotic experiences 10 to do the most hard wiring for the rest of your life and it’s very very interesting to see what that serve cocktail of experiences and things going on internally the chemistry and and how that sort of gels into something that creates that that template that people get stuck with running so they have you had the experience of actually seeing anyone find any well even anyone that has a desire to say hey I’ve got this recurring fantasy that I can’t break free of but I want to and can you help me kind of work through some material and gets to the point of sending me some people might say freedom from it or just having some something to even compare it to cuz if that’s all they know then they don’t even know the outside of that that Fishbowl could be my friend there was one color that comes to mind when you say that if somebody to have a fetish that they really did want to break free from he had actually gone to a psychiatrist he was so upset by it and he wanted to stop it but he couldn’t and the topic that I absolutely hate and I hate when guys ever call I usually just tell him to call somebody else he was an adult baby and these guys put diapers on and they they wet their pants and and go to the bathroom in the midst of disgusting and this guy was so upset that he enjoyed doing this he said I come home after work I put on my diaper I sit on the floor and I know I rub my cock and then I go to the bathroom in my diaper oh my God it’s just disgusting so he he was he was crying on the phone he was sober Afton upset about this and he’s like I’ve actually gone to a psychiatrist because I just don’t know what to do to stop and he’s like well the psychiatrist told me I’m not hurting anybody yes it may be kind of icky but at the end of the day I’m not hurting anybody nobody knows about it it’s not affecting anybody’s life so I’m just probably going to have to live with this attraction to this fetish and carry it out it will and I thought well the psychiatrist is right he’s not hurting anybody but it is pretty gross but I guess there’s worse things that people could be doing but I really don’t enjoy collars that wants to talk about God cuz I I have a strong X Factor about that topic but there’s people doing all kinds of weird and believe me you really don’t want to know what your coworkers are friends or neighbors or anybody is doing behind closed doors they tell me what they do behind closed doors and I’m horrified it at a lot of the stuff they tell me and nobody in their life knows about it they keep it a secret and I just get it’s amazing how they unload all this stuff and I can understand they can’t tell their wives because she kicked them out they can’t tell their friends because they would never be looked at the same so they and they wouldn’t have the nerve to tell a psychiatrist you know looking face-to-face with them these things so they find girls like me to share these desires with that they can’t tell anybody else and in a way to great honor that they are literally telling me their deepest darkest thoughts especially when there a personal client where I take their credit card information and I know their real name I know their address I know I know all this personal information so it’s even more flattering that they’re entrusting me with this deeply personal information and giving me all this trust you know what some company where they call and they can say their name is John Smith and you have no idea who they really are that is as Anonymous As It Gets I have no way of knowing when they’re calling a company like that but when it’s a direct dial type of call like I have on my own line and a couple of other lines that I work at you do have their real information and I always think you know you’re lucky I’m an honest person if you ever got some lady that decided to go Rogue and blackmail you you could be in for a whole lot of embarrassment at some of the things that they tell you but that one with the adult baby fetish he definitely really wanted to stop that but he just for whatever reason wasn’t able to stop but he just was addicted to it and some guys are addicted that is the word I would use to some of their fetishes and they know that it’s not healthy they know that is not say some of the activities that they’re engaging in and it’s like a drug they just can’t stop themselves when I think some of these guys are telling me the Craigslist personals was closed down a few years ago it was like the end of the world for a lot of the faithful to call me believe me because it was such a huge part of their sex life they would be going on these personal than having random sex with strangers and some guys say oh yeah I met this guy on the Craigslist personals and I met him in the back of his van and Home Depot parking lot good way to meet a serial killer the risks that some of these people are taking to satisfy their sexual desires if it’s honestly quite horrifying sometimes yeah I’m with you on that I would say one of the one of the creepiest scenario that I have to encounter so far in my career doing phone sex on the side is that this thing I didn’t even know it existed but he had the kind of invite me to it he had to basically prep me and you kind of give me the script ahead of time a verbally so that I would know what scenario he wanted to be kind of dropped into and in and it was the whole bug chasing thing of you heard of that already dealt with it and I mustn’t there with you on this Theodore baby thing I just want to get to 314 because Freud was all about that sexuality is actually anyting in the body that could be described as pleasurable in that begins with weather in anal repulsive or whatever that is so people just get attached to maybe don’t grow up acceptors all theories to about your whole personality being shaped by how long you’re bursting experience was whether he was a C-section or whether there was fecal matter that you were exposed to the process of blood that can determine so many things is really shaping everything that is there’s a it’s quite a bit by bit material but I honestly think that the way you’re describing is it’s like the entire Orthodox world of academic psychology and sociology if if they’re not getting PhD in this field basically studying what you’re talkin about then they have no clue because like you’re saying most people do not talk about this stuff in any other don’t then with their trusted phone sex are they all squeaky clean but I really liked on the niteflirt I remember once on the nightfort website they had kind of like a an intro little animated video clip and it’s just the kind of promote obviously the platform and kind of explain how it works what not but there was like an intro beginning to it where it showed a bus stop like a cartoon bus stop I’m just a couple of random dudes and whoever and MMA put out thought Bubbles and it was a little cartoon characters of the fantasy that they’re all thinking of separately at the bus stop and it was like all the quintessential Kink BDSM archetypes in leather and you know bondage and whatever else but it’s just like the idea that is really what’s going on if you see if we’re honest you know you could be in any crowding and everybody sort of having these thoughts for them yeah do you think that I guess you I’m curious how you would describe the sort of spectrum of you seems to be people who some people would say they don’t have anything other than vanilla you know really team like missionary romantic style pharmacies in made in that could be totally true but then there’s a whole group of people who are may be in denial or they’re fighting to suppress more homosexual or more violent or just whatever types of Tennessee’s and they may never experience it or talk about it or even like play with it much in their Fantasy Life interest people who are open and out and experiencing it in the Kink community and then there’s people who seem to be kind of release Kirsten stuck in their own world where their stuff is just running their lives and they can’t they don’t have really a healthy weight it to express that I’m just wondering if you were to just have to take a guess at the general population would save America are like helps what what ratio do you think if there is a people in different you can kind of take it however you like this what would be your if you were the Surgeon General of America and you had to be issued a report talking about the state of American fetishism and she is it we’re looking at him or you say well I don’t know about exact percentages and obviously it would be different for ladies than it is for men I do occasionally get a lady, but I get so few I can’t generalize with them as much as I can with the men because of the sheer lack of volume of women for me that I talk to but for men I would say I would say well over 70% have some kind of a you know a real king I do get ones that are just vanilla and they only want the most basic you know sex oral just very very vanilla and that’s fine I’m happy they’re very easy there’s nothing growth and talking to those guys but there’s ones that are so far off the map and I do not even cater to the more extreme ones I if if somebody’s wanting to talk about something really bad and I just don’t do it and tell him to find somebody else but some there’s definitely a lot that have a kink there is there really is and they just they can’t share it with anybody so over 70% of got some weird little fantasy and that I guess weirdness is subjective isn’t it I hear so much weirdness that may be what I would consider practically normal somebody that the civilian not in the adult industry would think oh my God that’s so weird I like her own doesn’t seem weird so I think we’re nothing normalness is all very subjective you can’t really say well the percentage of weird this percentage is kinky but there’s so many it it really surprises me how many guys that call that want to be with another guy that’s one of the top fantasy Sig I have the guys have as well as they want to talk or you don’t have a guy fuck something I’m I was shocked at that when I first started in the business that it was that widespread I mean it’s a very high percentage of collars and it’s also very high percentage of callers that are wearing ladies underwear and I never expected that I had no idea there were so many men that were wearing ladies panties under their clothes it seems pretty high from the number of guys to tell me that so those two things really stand out that are way more common than people would think yeah it’s it’s so it’s so sad in its to me and said that it’s the culture of the dominant culture so repressive it’s not just allowed to to be in body in your feminine aspect you’re coming inside in a more outspoken Republic Manor in and stole that idea that you have to hide it under your clothes and you can’t just be like hey we got Casual Friday what’s up family and Tuesday and see all kinds of measurable issues in society but you know it’s also makes me think about how the whole notion of the private citizen right to privacy and then the public officers and officials in in politicians and whatnot it’s expected that that well within reason everything that they’re all of their interest all of their past all of anything that can be dug up about their life history is fair game to scrutinize and I don’t know maybe and certainly in in more queer friendly districts like West Hollywood or the Castro I’m sure that it’s actually a selling point to your dear constituents to be a letter or something but for most of the rest of the country you would not be elected or you will be impeached her or else it is or whatever asked to resign if it were to come out that any of that any of the things you described in in in or just anything that would be considered an aberration from that vanilla whatever you would see anything beyond that would get you in deep trouble socially and politically and yet all those people who have that power they’re the ones going to the Doms and even some of the most twisted like yeah if people had any idea who exactly people would be surprised who was calling there was a chief of police that used to call me and I thought if your chief of police would you not buy a Visa gift card and just tell me your name is John Smith rather than give me your real name and your real credit card. That was the first thought in my head and he actually send me a picture of himself for his uniform and I thought are you insane do you realize the amount of embarrassment if I went rogue that I could cause you your whole Precinct to be laughing your ass off that one is one of the top ones that sticks in my mind thinking why would you be broadcasting and all I never would have known that you were you sending me pictures of yourself and you before that one really I thought was amazing it was another guy that was a district attorney in a major city and he was telling me this and I thought wow I could really cause you embarrassment if I wasn’t a trustworthy honest person and yet they’re telling you they’re real David at all this information I got all my God this is just wild it really was and there was even this very low-level celebrity oh my God I never heard of this guy but I looked up his name and I quickly found its website and mainly does direct-to-video stuff that most people wouldn’t know who it is anyway and what he wanted to talk about was so horrific that I wouldn’t do it and I don’t have a lot of limits are a lot of taboos but I have some and he was Way Beyond my limits and I thought wow buddy if your fans ever had any idea what you were into you know that they’d be with torches on your lawn I was so horrified at what this guy wanted to talk about and I thought in this is a celebrity and even though I had never heard of him somebody that had co-starred in a movie with him I certainly did know who it was cuz I watch her on a spa for all the time and I thought wow I’m sure she has no idea what her co-star is into and it just these these people to have any kind of level of being well-known and either their field of work or their Community you would think that protecting their anonymity would be of utmost importance but they really don’t seem to care so it says It’s amazing so I don’t follow Sports in anyway and he told me that he was he was wanting racial humiliation he was a black guy and I get a fair number of racial humiliation calls as well that’s one way specials it’s and he had found my website and saw that I offered this in and so he was telling me all about this so you know it was a small table wasn’t anything spectacular but I just thought wow you know if somebody follows Sports they would probably heard of this guy and here he’s calling and paying me good money to call him one racial slur after another it just says listen to me I can actually it really is so they aren’t worried about their identities or anything well yeah they make this public service announcement this is now the 21st century and there’s something called cryptocurrency and there’s ways to use VMware Anonymous step handrails and also to encrypt messages and I’m at the point now where I’m kind of going off of the Rails a bit branching out from the the platforms that take a huge cut of your earnings to provide that sort of thing at least that degree of separation with your identity and you’re just letting me within the last I’d say year 2 years has the encryption encrypted messaging app ecosystem really matured and made them user-friendly now is user-friendly enough and intuitive enough for people used on a mass scale and the Snowden Revelations have helped to accelerate the mass adoption and the development development impetus for peer-to-peer in Crypt open source technology platforms that are accessible by apps on a smartphone and then also now there’s so many different ways to do cryptocurrencies and now a stablecoin cryptocurrencies where you don’t expose people to the volatility of price fluctuation that’s a mouthful but I’m wondering if you have are you it’s apps to Tabitha like you say there’s a lot of risk and even if you did your best to not reach or allowed to be reached any of that data that you have some level of responsibility over as you conduct your business to know it’s an interesting opportunity now to to Really Leverage The Power of encrypted promises encrypting free speech of of words and of money that smell possible for people still just curious if you looked into any of that I know it’s kind of where I’m blinded I don’t even own the self to keep private insecure Issa does not use anything with high-tech and then you’ll be fine by myself I have my laptop and my corded landline so sore throat is this a cell phone because I don’t leave home that often so if I’m at the dentist or the hardware store for an hour or two I think I can afford to be out of touch with anybody for that short of a Time if it’s that important it can wait till I get back home and I’ll be able to talk to him then but I would never be doing calls out and about and I know some girls do I’ve read posts of girls doing in the aisles at Walmart and the grocery store it and I think how could you do that but hey if that’s how they want to run things that’s their business but I would not do that I wish I would not want to be doing that I was outside of my home and possibly have somebody over here me and you never know how long a collar is going to beat you. Weather is going to be 3 minutes or 3 hours you have no idea so it’s just not practical to me I would not do that so if somebody calls me I am on a corded landline in my house that’s the only place I’m ever going to be when they call but yeah all that Tech stuff is so it’s sort of a Escapes Me well if you ever have clients that want to you know I want to have you if you feel like a doll just put it out there to you I can be your your text liaison in a department is trying to be at least at least on the curb if not ahead of the curve but but certainly not is as up to speed as I can because yeah there’s a kind of feel like there’s a lot of a lot of people who are younger who mistakes with thumb how there really not having a good sense of host of keeping their identity and they’re just people are very frivolous about how much personal information they share in on internet was called it back POF plenty of wisdom and actually on that note not to go too far into the dark side but have you had any I’m sure you had some but you know what what what advice would you give note having the level experience you have about about real creepers or did you know that my make you feel let me before you have a chance with this type of mop cut them up or hang up on them if they were to get threatening or to just get weirder abusive or anything like you have any I don’t want to get all Sensational with horror stories but maybe more practical in a sense of Life what do you have a saltwater bath ready to jump into if you feel creeped out or do you have some sort of self-care and what’s the deal with the shift whether it’s creepy or not what’s a very lucky that I don’t really attract clients like that different girls attract different types of collars very much so it’s like Baskin-Robbins there’s a different flavor for everybody and I have never even come close to having any color that was stalkerish or interested in you don’t meeting or anyting I’m a very honest open direct person probably much more so would be good for I am so direct with clients if they ask me something and I’ll tell them the truth usually and other girls are more like they are there Persona they are never going to break that fourth wall to them and is a role they will never admit you know this isn’t them or whatever it says I’m just not like that and a lot of guys like that sense of reality others as sort of a bubble and they will never call you again because you’re too much reality they’re not looking for that they’re looking for Fantasy so I have never ever ever had anything remotely like that and yet I know some girls have had real problems with that very serious ones I mean the horse everyone’s and I think well maybe it’s because they’re playing this role and they’re insisting that they really are this character and it’s just all too real to the guy and I’m like oh you know that’s that’s not how it is consider more of a flooded reality so I don’t have that problem with my clients at all I’m glad to hear that that’s that’s music to my ears what would you say knowing the girls who have had that experience of living able to shake them off or what are some Clyde I honestly don’t know because they’re just running their business totally different than I am so unless they decided to move to my business model they’re going to keep having this problem I mean some of these girls will say oh I’ve got this whole back story that my character lives in such and such a place and she’s such and such an age and you know she went to this school and and she did this and that and I’m like really you go to all this trouble I might I’m just me if a guy calls I’m just me I’m not putting on any stories I say I live in Ontario Canada which is true I don’t tell them the town that I live in cuz they don’t really need to know that but I’m not making up some story about what I did or what I didn’t that that’s just not me it’s just not and yet there’s a lot of girls that they write this whole back story this like a totally separate character and if that’s how they want to do it that’s fine and I know a lot of them do that’s what they feel comfortable with they don’t want to give any real information that’s fine and I don’t give much to the ones that I do but I’m just me no matter what guy calls them if a guy says I won’t Lobby been in a gangbang recently haven’t you wanted to be not going to get what he wants because I’m too based in reality like I said some guys like that some guys don’t you want to talk about any anything you want to close with would be great or just call it a good a good first episode look forward to connecting my phone sex site is erotic Talk phone sex. Com and my erotic audio site if you want to order a custom audio is erotic audio recordings. Com some people can easily be able to contact me there if they’re interested in setting up a call well if the button says available love usually available if it says that I usually remember to set that right you can just call the number if you wanted to do a call and if you wanted to order an audio guys will email me usually with their script to get an estimate which I can do from the word count I can give them a very close estimate as to how long it will be in the price and then we go from there all right I love that will custom audio clips Galore sounds like you you’re really got this workout and it sounds like you graduated from the dependence and Reliance on 3rd party platforms and you’ve got it all sorted in house is that right on your website or how does that are you part of a network or is it all kind of have my own sci-fi I am available on many many sites that I do calls on but I only I only promote my own site because it is of or benefit to me easily if a guy comes to my own site so even though the price a guy May pay would be the same say $2 a minute which is pretty standard if he calls me through some site I might only be getting a third of that if he calls my sight I’m getting ate almost every penny of that so where do you think I’m going to direct people of course I’m I don’t even tell them what Play Time on or what names I go by or anything I only ever tell them Sheeran on a rush and that is the only place that you will find Sharon Sharon all right all right are you ready to go find her on the on that website and appreciate you again it’s been a time to be on the shoulder and a lot and look forward to next time I see you again so much and thank you so much for having me www.sprint.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition assassini and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple viper bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email ben.com namaste

Lose Your False Mind, Find Your True Self & Learn to Feel Good Inside with Craig Lewis TPP214

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Craig Lewis pic

In this episode I’m joined again by long time friend and brother from the heart of the d-i-y punk scene Craig Lewis for a update on his adventures in travel, personal growth, recovery, mental health justice, spirituality, sexuality, and much more.

There are many profound spiritual truths and gems of sacred wisdom shared. I’m always deeply reaffirmed that our shared deep roots in the ethics and spirit of resistance from the punk rock movement have kept us motivated to fight the good fight and love the good love.  It’s invigorating to catch up with Craig and compare notes as we push ourselves ever forward towards our own evolving definitions of what it means to be spiritual warriors.

About Craig:

Craig Lewis is a rebel and he chooses to live his life built on a foundation of gratitude, peace, love, kindness, spirituality, accountability, honor, forgiveness and acceptance. He is currently living in a mountain in Mexico, seeking truth, healing and connection. Without question, Craig continues to rise ever higher on his mission to be the living proof to all, that surviving the impossible, is entirely possible.

Craig recently published his book ‘Better Days’ in Finnish, Dutch, Spanish, Tagalog and Thai, with several new translations on the way including Kiswahili and Italian.  Find out about his many books, posters and more here: Sanityisafulltimejob.org (under construction) and also via email.

Craig actively trains mental health workers, educators, people in recovery (and all interested people) throughout the world and is excited about benefiting your organizations and the lives of all via his experience, wisdom and fearlessness. 

Medium Blog: https://medium.com/@punx.in.recovery
Whatsapp: 528332944654
Punx.in.recovery@gmail.com

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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello David Lebovitz welcome to Township on podcast episode number 214 will be getting some major updates from our international Man of Mystery been on the show a few times before Craig Lewis you said old friends are going back many years in the anarcho-punks seen in the more radical conscious seen and he is standing in the world of pure support and mental health and really growing and transcending beyond the the system’s way of administering public policy around mental health and really taking the power back and using a DIY Spirit to do so and last time or what we’ve been since we’ve talked last I know a lot of Adventures have unfolded and and a lot of Mystique and a lot of intrigue so with all that said Craig take it away. What’s been going on with new oh my god brother it’s been I think the last time we spoke was in February to do to do a proper the discussion like this was in February of last year so it’s like I don’t know if 15 months are 16 months ago if I’m not mistaken yeah so yeah man yeah it’s been one heck of a crazy wild ride and I now live in a mountain I am in the south of Mexico and I am in a place it’s a bit hard to get you unless you have any intention to go there you make a plan and I have an apartment I got a place to live that’s affordable and I have a terrorist live off the plants and the mountains all around and hunting birds and cats that visit and live with me I don’t think the language and I’m learning and I’m just for the first time for lots of reasons this finding some sort of I don’t know how to describe it some sort of acceptance of the rationality of everything and finally some sodas thanks and all of it to be able to be in the moment and take that and transform into whatever this I dream about and end desire in a nutshell that’s where I’m at this is awesome and you sound better than ever and I know you’ve been through so much some intense inner struggles and external struggles and now to be at that place of peace and sounds like relative kind of resolution to to be posted up somewhere and then I actually have this is something I’m really fascinated in which is the economics of being a traveler in the in the modern age in the sort of how you can are you figuring out ways to economize with your resources and find ways to make your money last longer by being posting up on your travels places where you can just kind of make it stretch and last longer when can you get into some of the economics of that of that way of life cuz it’s very fascinating to me I’d love to do more traveling myself oh yeah I will check this out, man it’s a freaking disaster III what economics are we speaking of like it’s funny I landed here with a backpack okay I I had a little bit of money to just place to get a house and I’ve been like it’s been a very challenging experience to find some sort of sense of any sort of like this world episodes like some sort of solid foundation on a music and this whole crazy like a year-and-a-half will plus I like all over the world husband Ace Financial how do I describe it I don’t have like a mighty long time ago this is been like I don’t want to I do want to break up Bon Jovi cuz this is been like what we would that when they would sing in 1986 this is what they called living on his neck no other way to describe it because that’s exactly what I know to be true but so this is all crazy like how do you live how do you survive how do they make this happen I don’t think I had a choice and I think the only way I was going to heal and I get to the next place in my life to get to the next place to get to the next place what’s the not know what the heck I was doing and just trust that I did letting you know you know me I give like the roundabout Circle answer that’s like the opposite of the answer you’re seeking or the or the S you would expect or anticipate the question but that’s what you get for me so that’s my answer brother what actually did I half expected something like that where it was more I can see the strategy and being uncertainty Jake and the spontaneity of going where the wind blows you know and in following just moment-to-moment that’s that’s the dream I mean that’s the most Freedom you could ever have is to not be bound to even your own plans of your own expectations of anything in and just really trust a if I’m blessed then I’ll get fed and in Shelter tonight and if I’m not then I’ll have to wonder why with the empty stomach on the cold side park somewhere a man and I don’t like that empty stomach and I also want to just briefly go back a second before I go forward the moment I said that the answer that you were expecting I knew that was the incorrect thing to say and I immediately followed by saying the opposite because I knew that you’re not expecting that it’s like this like comfortable thing that we do when we’re communicating we make use of something that we put into the conversation but actually that’s bullshit you are understanding me more than most people would so thank you yeah crazy life man this whole reality is just you can live and people will see your heart and don’t understand that the language or how you look or you come from or any of these things they don’t matter what matters is that you can communicate from what is truly what they knew in your heart that they will see that and they will accept that and that’ll bring you the protection on the help and the loves and that everything that you need for real I love a man yeah that does that leaves Faith conduct actually reminds me something funny why I say this with all due respect cuz this fellow is one of my dear friends and we’ve sent drifted apart but but we used to be tight Bros and it was funny in a way because he came from a way more stable family and had he works really hard to be an overachiever and I watched him work harder than anybody so I don’t say that he was like a born with a silver spoon in his mouth or whatever he wasn’t he was privileged but he also was pushed to to Really develop himself but she did all the extracurricular activities and did the honours and did all this crazy prep work and and and built himself up so that he could be ivy league material to go to college and then he’d end up finding a program at a state college or State University that that he was happy with and we know I’m happy with location happy with the programming cetera and I me I dropped out literally in sixth grade was in and out of rehab and got maybe another couple of former formal semesters of high school and then dropped out again after that and then I a couple years later I got a GED and then we both end up starting at the same State University together at the same the same time and I had that been the complete antithesis of the discipline and academic rigor that he put in and we both started the same place even though we had to come about it until we different ways but I also was getting straight A’s and was dedicated so I think this is just you know that all that is to say there’s people who are rich and unhappy and don’t know what to do themselves and they’re throwing all kinds of money away and all kinds of drugs and experiences and you’re going at this is international expiration with you’re surrendering to a to the Divine forces that are guiding your your your destiny and that and I’m always impressed I’m always jealous Pac-Man you ear like living it up with the fuck all you got to do and I’m going out there listening who wants to know how to how to do it on doing are you going to do like why am I crazy like I thought I thought I had and this is the opposite of what I however I should I should restate that live your dreams like to be free to live their dreams you have to have like the Living Like Blood Parts select thing beating out of you and you have to take it and learn how to take it standing up and then smile and how does a gold medal physical and emotional heart function but for some reason on Earth why don’t you just finish it down was it yesterday in the morning and you say because I want to know of a solution and all you got is like you and Siri are you going to still that hard up with something of beauty they’re going to just like let it become like like Houston broken and like crap the pieces like a kisses ceramic that shatters and so many ways that you can’t apply the consumer D art form to like naked better to make it more gorgeous from before I don’t want to let it get to that man in so I didn’t it shows different that’s all you can do right on Manuel what does I think that’s a good sort of just catching up with bed and instead of setting the tone butt so tell me what what have you what are some of the the you’ve been through some nightmare scenarios give us some adventurous kind of thrilling updates on the record and say cuz we are because I don’t say it just lost my mind National way for me or anyone in a kind of situations that I found myself in such as being normal and that’s remember I did it start out normal normal I need to really not know what with all those pills in the nozzle Octonauts and not normal shit was it normal that had that brain injury was it normal that everything went crazy wasn’t normal so here I am like at the base of my life or the beginning of my new life not normal and so like I’m just so freaking proud of myself then I’m alive in Christ figure it out somehow that it was okay to be fucked up in the eyes of others that it was okay to like cars had your relationships and your familial connections and your volume note to Garrison in old friends and colleagues at all if that is okay. Burnt to the ground that it doesn’t actually matter I took to stick around that that and I can’t believe you this is just a process like a moment to moment. This is hard to do the Okemos but I decided to be okay with it cuz I like the sound of that word okayness like okay I want to see I don’t want this palatable how to build in my life just want to go to handle something because well it’s not great but thanks for that you know that okayness and dust you choose to be so all this shit this happened man I can admit that I know that some of it looks real wild and it looks one way and it could be another we live in a reality where we look at the freaking news in the United States obviously something is wrong in society is this also confused and 504 West so you know what I got it I got to stay right there you you have just stumbled upon a masterful mine hack and I am seeing from the outside Dimension as you’re saying but basically what you just described is that we live and we live in this world where the ships hitting the fan and there’s a lack of people feeling a sense of okay now and I really feel like we need to become more comfortable with with all week and we need to deal with our shit so we can feel the Okemos if you catch my drift I catch your drift Iko something’s been plaguing me on the inside because through the process I got it I want to admit it putting you and everyone in that everyone if you are not including everyone that’s a funny thing you know why cuz I respect the heck out of you and I’ve been like it’s been such a long exhausting journey of knowing you that for me is included me being embarrassed and people mixed with you who I just noticed this man was like surviving so much better than me and I keep coming this beautiful human being that I only dreamed like 3 years ago or whatever we got to reconnecting and I am pathetic and somehow believe I have you feel like we’re on the same level of me I mean I have nothing but but like respect for you by Prince you’ve accomplished so much and you’ve accomplished things that I am still still dreaming about accomplishing so it’s it’s a mutual you know Mutual sensitive of respect and admiration man it’s always so it’s the way it should be mad it’s like to skateboard is trying to learn learn new tricks together you know thank you man and thank you and the reason why I came I was about to say what I’m about to say this because the process of the journey this is bent for me is not just included me it’s included lots of other people sung by choice and then probably just a son who just ended up in the crossfire of my life because of other reasons that they may may may not have been aware of or been aware of their participation and and and it’s not okay to not swear on the show oh my God they say it’s because because I hurt all the time give a presentation on anyways and so that’s kind of what kind of what works for me man and his wife said that like cuz I look up to you as somebody who has just like refining for himself and it’s showing the whole world like this is what it looks like to be in a process of yourself and be better with better and better and better I was like my God I could never be anywhere near the degree of what are some sleep when you go through the process of becoming you when you’re like burns down and you don’t know what to do in the fall Society is his his his either confused with you you’re a huge mistake the doctor that’s a Schism you just get into situations that could be desperate and you might not know that you’re desperately might not know you getting into you might not know it’s going to happen next cuz how could you and then you get into this situation where you get into things with people with money and then Todd relationship stuff cuz I was like a weird dude already have to learn how to be like in today and all this crazy shit that I don’t know about your kid and like you’re always conduct yourself in the way that you wish and I wish you felt embarrassed that like this like how did you get here like one of these crazy stories amazing stories that I want to share with you a few but it wouldn’t be fair to me to the universe who knows me and watches this happen at the end of my reality who was the recipient or have experienced just knowing somebody in whatever way when they go into the burning down with your going through the process of Awakening that’s an ugly and painful and frankly does a lot of people who got caught up in that and I would every day with the with trying to like become more pure knowing how screwed up things worth time and knowing that your casualties to getting to a better place and that’s just a preface if you will to talk and but all the good cuz frankly like recently somebody had posted something online in response to something I’d written and they said they dude guy Craig I was like yeah really you ask cuz this wasn’t for me I’m in the process of doing fasting from social media and the more I take a step back from it the less I want to return back into that that mine state and f deleted some accounts I’ve just taken some apps off my phone Note sometimes I bring them back or not but I know a lot of the frenzy that you would get sucked into with trolling and drama online at school it’s Way Beyond normal human capacity to have any level of that kind of interaction and so I think everybody got everybody’s got taken for a ride and I think there’s only a few people who who. So I just burnt out but but really Purge that that toxic soup of emotions that comes from being in that frenzy and actually has the wherewithal to create distance so I’m wondering I mean you wrote the book on on peer supported mental health and now it seems like you’re going to have to write a book all about how to either navigate or avoid or moderate social media right wow the funny thing is that a you’re right about the social-media thing dude I want to write letters I think I love the fact that we can communicate and all this shit then it is just destructive Beyond any any you or you do understand cuz we’re taking the brakes and destructive Beyond any capacity that I have to use to find a better word with my. If I may say so Larry man like I totally feel that makes think about it it’s not constructive most the time when you’re not dealing with people who have skin in the game to a point where they feel like they’re they have to be accountable to not overdo insults and overdue criticisms it’s like if you were a tribe living together and you knew everybody everybody knew each other since birth and everybody was mutually interdependent for survival then you would have restraint when it comes to the extent of abuse that you would tolerate that you were perpetuate but when you’re totally disconnected then you have no skin in the game for survival with you with a group of people it is literally the most unconstructive way to process emotions information actual important social issues and Community issues that come up so please man yeah go out let’s just open that can of worms and laments profusely about that I think people need to get some that shaking out of that Paradigm will be well I think it’s constructive thing to do with all this beat it because there’s so many to choose from in my in my soda. I was thinking about that you asked me to write a book about social media like crazy out-of-control the truth is always some truth behind what’s going on that’s funny or not funny or not is that this really happens I like a guy ask you know if I hear you perfect out of control destructive I wish you could see right now and if you like like lights flashing I’m actually having my hands in the air like I am the king of the awful idle control crazy person public meltdown we shouldn’t be who I am today if I celebrate that ships the best baby should be a book or went to learn how to not do what I did cuz maybe my way is not the right way for everyone but the reality also is the Crux of all that is that the freaking internet and that social media chaos that I was unprepared for is it crazy person adult trying to find his way that was destructive they probably not just for me probably thousands of people or more out there who taught Derek distances that collapsed because they didn’t know how to manage cuz how could you learn if you didn’t know how yeah that is so Insidious it just creeps up and with so many things now I mean that it’s it’s cliche to talk about how the dystopian sci-fi of the 1980s which was what really Prime me for being prepared to deal with this time and being a warrior in this time and it digital Warrior and I still despite that training of of being skeptical of corporate fascist media Empires and what not I I live drink of plenty of their Kool-Aid and now I’m really thinking about how much I’ve leaked about my interests my desires that people who have wanted to be involved with romantically and the processes of all that stuff is basically being molested by those social media Giants and and I’m glad that I did not take it to the extreme to let people do which is actually like a lot of negativity and a lot of drama and a lot of accusations and yeah I feel like there’s a state of grace that is refusing to to participate in that in that should have been punk rock an Arco pump DIY 101 I mean we were always rebelling against the mainstream and back then it was the mainstream media and it was the one directional media of of the power elite news organizations and there was ziens and I like the way that social networks online could be decentralised but there was it there was actually an addict his backbone to that where it was people who were peer-to-peer building forums and building networks in chat rooms that were they weren’t being puppeteered by these these forces that are really there to serve the state ultimately to Amy so ever you want to talk about just let us bring this back to it to who we really are a man as like as anarcho-punks who were trained to think critically about technology and about corporate Fascism and the mainstream and then watching and watching ourselves get sucked into it watching other people get seduced and sucked into it and like how do we resist how do we repeal and fucking in Break Free then yeah yeah I respect you all Whenever there were born okay and basically what this comes down to is the difference between a fanzine and a Zine so we grew up grew up in this like reality where your existence fish eat that text that need within your soul and your spirit your heart to have an understanding to connect with the world in a way that brought you the feeling of like you belong that you were part of something that mattered that was what we call fancy right if you want to like try to give a little bit of a I don’t have described it with the word is a metaphor I don’t know when there’s also looks like her internet and then I just went over that and then it’s not meant to or with your is a 2018 something like that it is the difference cuz in the context of social media excetera that. That’s a defined difference between when you are living in an era an era where you haven’t desperation that is coming from this blooming devastating oppression that I have a sense about cuz we know as opposed to living in an era in a society where you yourself are being basically programs and I’m not trying to talk about some sort of like cuz we don’t we can’t see it happening is happening in Plainview people to be trained to be a certain way so that’s why you were programmed to almost beat our own enemy and what we were going up with back in the day and I’m just going to help my do by David Guetta in the late 1980s I’m not going to beat around the bush here about that it was different we tried to communicate and understand and learn and educate and Shear in very different ways that did teach us a way to be in the world that I’m certain you will agree allowed us now we have success as I’d like free people quote the same doing and be because we’ve learned in in times in through methods that were popular then and almost unheard-of now up the punx to that brother yeah man it’s funny cuz this whole thing about fake news it’s like back in my day was all fake news what he’s talking about like you wouldn’t trust any new source anyway and there it is just as weird commingling now everybody being sucked into the Demi celebrity trip to of of the the platforms that make you yawn I’m I’m kind of in recovery from from drinking the Kool-Aid to man sex you want to keep up with it that we were ejected all that and anyway I don’t want to get hung up on that on that topic but I know that a lot of the suffering that you have disclosed to me privately comes from just being Dogpile on the internet you know yeah it’s because I started get rid of all those people where they got rid of me or with mutual or it wasn’t but either way it happens does it is disconnected people don’t make you feel good and just I just it’s Ash and it that have to happen if I feel personal about anything I ever did cuz I did was like face reality here but not always been an easy field person and that I had to use I have to push people away because of my own craziness and Highway but nonetheless coming to bite my tongue well yeah sounds like you have a healthy sense of taking responsibility for things as one thing I love talking about is if there’s no there’s no bifurcation really in your personality you know you are who you are and you don’t the candy coat that very often sounds like for people to get in love it or leave it for one moment I want to make a statement here at that you’ll agree it’s okay I’m completely I’m completely nuts and I’m definitely if you can put this in quotes but I mean I propose cuz it’s I think it’s a great courses true and in quotes right here I’m good crazy I think for the first time in my life like yeah so what I know this is a bit crazy like I can look so what about yesterday right now and tomorrow and the next day I could just make more good crazy happen I’m so sick and tired of that crazy and I could learn to hold burning down of everything so I could get rid of that bad crazy what do I do whatever I have to do including and a much to the weather for next to the disdain for the right word but it’s good enough I come from it with truth which makes it pretty hard core but also I’m doing it because I don’t want to have it be an issue anymore so that’s craziness go out of control on the internet and then have a V8 if you will occur Abernethy Bridge with some that is very necessary if you need to heal then so be it but I’m also purifying so deep deep traumatic abuse that I experienced and if I’m not going to have a really group of participants or people in my life is one of his old stuff it’s still going to come out and I sure as heck ain’t going to end my life because our or go crazy in a way that’s going to get me locked up in a bad way Lawrence OB I’m going to put my shit out there I’m going to speak the truth and I’m going to let let that be how people figure out what’s up what’s not what matters and what doesn’t button in no way shape or form do I do any of this because I want to it’s because healing comes from getting out of your system to things that aren’t making you feel toxic and that can include interpersonal stuff you can food a thousand different things and I and not going to be silent if being sounds will keep me sick so speaking truth whether its preferred welcomed or not it is actually putting an end to the hurt and that that does also result in and include who serving of ties with many sometimes it’s unfortunately intentional but who matters here for me more than me just like anyone anyone else is the matter for them most at first you need to matter to themselves first and then most importantly so that’s life and I’d rather just choose the most Ford and let the let the heck’s come because the more I get hit the more I’m sure I’ll Never Smile act like its neck and that right there I believe that everyone else had the world to learn how to do and it’s Graham said out of would never put this on lips Alston and Lasting here sorry I go on and on I’m not sorry actually grateful for that time the more people learn the Dakin’s like punched and kicked their way out of the traps that they feel themselves and that doesn’t mean that’s because if it’s a whole process of getting yourself to where you need to be I want everyone to know that everyone can do that it’s going to suck but if I can do this in a Hertz at continuing low I mean living evidence that you can continue to land on your feet than everyone else can too and I don’t care for what I have to say you can do to go live your life and do the best you can be in frankly that’s what I’m doing so fuck off but still please do your thing so you can have everything that I’m going to yeah that was a time and experience as each day goes forward to live in that happiness cuz I want it and you can have the same thing so like fuck I’ll see you later come on back whatever but piece that sounds good man well I know some people who were listening to same I feel kind of lost on what what it is what kind of dancing around here if you don’t know how I know you know you can obviously be as candid or as reserved as you’d like but I feel like it is I would say correct me if I’m wrong but in a broad sense you you stood up to seven justices in the world and that kind of cause the shitstorm of not okayness that week but you prevailed your okayness prevailed over there not okay Miss in the midst of a shitstorm online and not just on its just oh my God can you break that down for us to whatever extent you know isn’t they’re breaching confidentiality or probably not actually not in jeopardy. The funny thing check it out how about I have the moment there who doesn’t you think you have to do when you produce this thing later that they released you have to just two levels and now you know you might take a note oh my God yeah man and just try to keep it brief cuz I can’t be a maniac about this I got to try to come best light for my good for yours in the whole world that you’re you’re Mania Mania Maniac don’t know what was basically I got freaking screwed for doing my job and it’s okay I went to work I was working as a mental health worker I loved what I did and he might stem from the first report back to the Survivor background I was trained and frankly Grant I’m glad it all happened because I couldn’t I don’t have a day job working someplace and having a bad Vibe by the rules of the system which ultimately dictate working in another house feel like I was I was working at this mental health place that was running all about people live experience week we’re all certified peer specialist I love what I did and was your place different part of the state but I buy a new company little did I know that the guy I was working with what’s the sticker McDonald’s scary misogynist I wasn’t familiar with like that degree of creepiest and I was also supposed to be professional and I was getting paid and I had to work another place you working at the mental health worker you have to adhere to certain rules and guidelines of course cuz if you don’t I’ll call Nicole borders new teachers Nursery School teachers in a kindergarten doctors excetera East you have you aware of abuse of a person or in your care if you will or but you have suspicions of it which is also legitimate your required by law in laws law whatever you can take it or leave it what lies you believe in cuz look in the United States right now it’s crazy how ever this is something that we all hold true when you working in the in the human services are helping professions that said it was my requirements that I had no choice to make a report because there was a situation that just frankly was as it turned out was bad this is not an acceptable thing for some people that I expose this in a series of extremely disgusting things occurred and I ended up looking like the bad guy and they really made this The Narrative we will and papers well and ultimately they found out that the report I made was true they found out to the guy that I’ve reported was documented by independent clinicians Adams facility that didn’t work for a company contract in this pretty I’m kind of providers giving groups support groups and then they knew because my report was the same as theirs and they never put it to the facility that my report was already known so they knew they had a guy in there who was behaving a predatory waste for months for two months then he got caught again but but other people who documented the sexualised behaviour and once they had found out that my report was true of any of the guy who is the supervisor my supervisor without telling anybody. Even the assistant director of the HR Director secretly after I didn’t report and it put it back into the same place where I’ve reported what he was doing then he got caught again twice too much later I feel like I’m describing once they had knowledge that I was telling the truth well that wasn’t acceptable and that was the end was me as I knew it was the end of my career as I knew it it was the end of everything I knew and this is during the same time. That after 28 years of my life being intentionally harmed by psychiatric medication for the purpose of keeping me quite I was able to get off of all this I cash medications in fact with the insistence of a team that’s more than one psychiatrist insisting that it was a medication making me sick and they need to take all the diagnosis on my file and the whole nine yards man 20 years of my life on a bunch of bulshit give him his pills and you need sick many everyone throughout my life experience 28 years I mean tonight to you need when I met you in person at all the crazy thing happened at that show moving forward but this is all under the clown under the fog of psychiatric pills that were given to me to shut me out to keep me quiet about Happy with a child adapt a bunch of psychiatrist now when that time. Ike 2008 1314 look at my medical documents and look at me and look at the book I can read and look at how everything does not make sense and say you don’t have these conditions that you’ve been medicated for all your life that it was known you for 28 years as a person drugged you need to go out these pills cuz they are making you sick you’ll never have a chance to have a better life to continue to take the pill this is being sent to me of yet by psychiatrist is it we’re changing what your diagnosis on your medical record you do not have these conditions and I went and I saw my primary care physician in the file and right there just as they said debunks debunk ebox trauma course the charm is there cuz well that’s what happens if you 20 years to be confused this thing with the job is happening at the same time. That I’m getting off these pills and I’ve gone to heels with vinegar text mountain people that my community are angry at me also just left me for side of my job and then I go to Europe for the first time the person I was traveling with to give a presentation a t a take a conference I first time ever going to Europe dream come true after that conference I went into a sauna and Upsala I managed to me within 10 minutes my body had had basically detox rapidly and from it within the fat cells in my body after 20 years of taking psychiatric medication like tearing off the doctors help I did Poison myself in Riga Latvia and I was never the same since I started to slur my words and I was fried more more crazy stuff happen ultimately with all resulted from this is that I lost my home in January 2018 that’s my cat January 2018 I already lost most of my friends call these people thought I was crazy I got into Financial stuff also get social things like most my friendships are getting more and more the tax I lost a bunch of my personal stuff and most people like it truly care about and I still do you know what a live with no real idea what I’m going to do to try to listen to travel the world and find a way to create a new life find a way to connect with other people to find a way to Love by the way to connect by the way I create a new business and Nueva to survive using the foci are offered in different languages and also the English language like you crying and Kosovo you know it Poland and and giving presentations are in and talk circles in in in in you name it healing from trauma healing from abuse how to survive being possible he has been crazy sometimes I misunderstood all the time trying to learn how to be because I never learned as a child I never had a coming-of-age I was drugged for 14 on to all the cells have the same time I totally feel comfortable in my own country I don’t think I can work this is presents about me just like it’s like psychosis around me that like this guy why was he sick while he was mentally sick of these other word but in fact maybe I was drugged how can you explain to somebody week like that wasn’t you it wasn’t me but it looks like you sounds like you I can’t quite I said the pills pills were what were making me so fucked up or how am I supposed to know the difference your right respect all I can do is say you’re right you experience that crazy shit with me and that was real few doesn’t matter if it wasn’t me it was because of I was poisoned for my own good of course that’s what happened so I can only say goodbye and I can’t change that to this is the reality the past four years is always have these things happening in the world disconnected from people from people that have no more going to call ain’t going to call anybody you know is going to pick up that’s how do you find whis when you don’t feel comfortable in your own land cuz you your language is English it’s a dominant language in the world and and you’re a guy easy to just try to reconnect after all these years of chaos you supposed to be a certain weight verifications of you you can escape to past so what are you do what did I do what the heck out of there as I said travel the world very difficult very painful very lonely very hard very beautiful and in that 15 months how do they communicate with people with languages that we do not share what do you do how do you find your weight you can’t just go crazy like I did in a couple years was the way somewhere West getting killed in the airport in Paris I lost my shit you can’t do that you have to learn how to connect on a spiritual level that you can’t communicate people will know your energy just like a cat or a dog you can’t let them experience you went away that you’re going to be repelled by how you learn how to do that how do you learn that’s what you learned and that’s what the story that’s what the backstory is the backstory is a story it’s like five or six what’s it like in your own way with wreck somebody happening at the same time and just by the grace of whatever it is you believe I resulted it was Ulta didn’t me finally getting to the point of saying screw it almost going to go live why can Liz get a Visa they did and take a little money had and get a a place that was furnished and so I did and how I live in a community and I need some friends and that’s the story that’s that’s what you’re asking me it’s like a 15 minute monologue but that’s what the story is it should make enough sense of all this meat is missing tons of pieces that music house ugliness lost torture resulted and be speaking about all we have prior to keep me answering the question if it was up to them that being a store that I can talk about with a smile and with some sort of like humor because I know what resulted in like where I’m at now thank you so what is the advice you have for people who are whistleblowing in organizations where it sounds like sounds like you were is a recipe for disaster in that because anyone could say that your credibility under those circumstances everybody in a situation is the pot calling the kettle black and in a sense so for people who are direct me totally just a source of your strength to overcome oh my God it was it wrecked me I can’t believe them alive direct me so much that I’m laughing about it because it’s like well at the very least it’s always warm here like every piece of shit wasn’t nice to me back in Massachusetts I guess what in the winter you going to pay for that heat and for those of you out there who struggle so I don’t have to deal with that anymore thank you thank you I could have stand I’m coming around to this myself which is that I feel like there is there was a time where I felt like I had to go out there and I had to add jatate and and have a high risk tolerance and a high risk appetite for being involved in the potential for liability of the potential for things sort of backfiring it in in in in doing my work and now I feel like I survived some pretty epic chapters of risk and now I’m finding myself more risk-averse and less risk tolerant and wanting and actually being able to say no but I’d rather not put myself at risk by not that I’m totally disengaging from everything but I will say that that the the duty that I felt I had to be out there in the mix of a lot of chaos I don’t feel that that I feel like I I slay that Dragon I slay those demons and and I can live with myself comfortably not feeling like a coward and not feeling like I was avoiding those those efforts and I wondering if you feel now and it is something that make people can resonate with that they can learn powers that you know you don’t have to fight every battle you can choose your battles as long as you fight some battles and even if you don’t win you survive but you know you did what was right you don’t have to keep doing that forever and you can get yourself the fuck out and go and retire from The Madness of fighting a lot of struggles where it’s a losing battle sometimes and you can just enjoy the face so you know live to fight another day you know you know they say Don’t run you can run away and live to fight another day or you could stay in a place that you’re not going to get out of one piece nnn regret it so I don’t know just want to say that I congratulate you for for doing the right thing and then getting a fuck out of there before you did actually get completely destroyed you know yet well you know what me and your trusty Craig motherfuking Lewis you know that’s what happens when your trusty Craig fucking crazy person Louis I just don’t need that to be sampled probably just got myself some was going to have fun with me with that but that’s okay it doesn’t have a certain that what was the question Bedford just let me be me to take two more of a general commentary and sense of wanting to see the bigger picture which is that sometimes I guess I was seeing if I feel the same way about the politics of insurrectionary Street protests and you put yourself out there and you put yourself in a meat grinder lot of people do and they end up in really serious trouble that they didn’t bargain for that it’s not really sustainable certain forms of resistance are not really sustainable there’s new waves of of people who are going to come up into that but you have to know when to win to what’s the country song what’s the country song when you know how to hold them oh my God yeah it is you don’t talk about anything yeah yeah quit while you’re ahead and I was going to quit while I was ahead I should have just never done shit about the so I made a decision take out the stand on my two feet and stand up when I knew was true and for what I knew was the correct thing to do and to what someone ever did for me when I was 15 years old and then that horrible facility being feminized and section leak destroyed and and and humiliated and have a whole life taken when I was 15 in those two so they locked me up in just got too many times I had no way weather right I didn’t even know if I believe in the Universal God whatever they want to call it if I want to call it whenever I look to you for my my my my my my peace I didn’t know dude in 2015 that’s what I was doing that was a sending that to a better place cuz of what all I was experienced by me throughout my life but there was no way there was no way any any shape or form that I was going to permit and using my legally-protected role as a mandated reporter there was no way I was going to permit what I was witnessing happening in front of me to people who were the victim of assault and simple ways I was when I was a kid and when I was a kid I asked for help and no one helped me I would love to rot and take it there was no way and 2015 that I was going to break from my responsibilities and I just didn’t legal responsibility responsibility responsibility but the opportunity to make sure using my power that I had been given by becoming certified to work in the role of I had been working in there was no way I was going to go to deviate from that there was no way I was going helping that individual with a moment of peace when I was not afforded the very same thing that I deserve as much as everyone who’s ever been a situation like that woman was deserved and I stood in my two feet and I would do the same thing right now again because it was the right thing to do and I will always go to look myself in the mirror and a camera and whatever I never that was right now looking forward to move on and it doesn’t matter that like I got crushed in the process and it come on how many people are going to listen to this I thought his back but I want to hear about like awesome stuff like so what like what kind of fool of myself are so funny and it’s true what kind of fool thinks it’s a good idea business right now you all know them for one important reason it is important as a valid and it’s to be honored and respected but it does not mean you should do business-to-business okay and you don’t do people like yourself what’s a crazy people that word with deep affection Love because as professionally as I previously identified I want to be good crazy so maybe good crazy so that’s where I go to stay However maybe not everyone’s good crazy maybe I’ve not always been good crazy not truth what a terrible idea to work intimately with people cool ultimately it’s true cuz he went to humans ultimately it will save their own skin for doing the right thing because not everybody is not their fault it’s the reality is reality. Everybody grows up with like a street addict or knowing how it is to be closer to the bottom and I fortunately or unfortunately I am how you stated feeling perceive things many of the people that must have people that I was involved with what are of a higher class if you will or better way of living or a different kind of environment that allow after Sosa to delete it I never had it so I don’t blame them for Being Human but certainly did lack of understanding of what it meant to do what was right was more within me as a person who was straight talk and someone who grew up in just I guess nicer and perhaps more supportive of surroundings which I did not Amen brother that’s the truth right on that what I think yeah we should I think we should call it a show at I was at Adventure I was expected nothing less than and definitely you delivered on bringing bringing the the the healthy crazy that healthy and powered acknowledgement of what it takes in like hey was the word of of CO2 I remember that song Still if we’re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy right so I believe that I believe it I feel it I’m the same way I’m definitely letting go on some innovations that have helped me back and I’m feeling more free and more wild and less less compromising to people who may not agree or understand what I’m trying to do and there’s a way to there’s a I think there’s a way you’re proving it and I’m I’m catching up to you honestly about getting to a point where you just you give no fuks about being a walk in your truth in speaking your mind and people don’t like it they can they can shove it up their okayness yeah and I’m okay with that closing statement a lubricated sex toy and gently massage it as they relax the sphincter into their anus until they filled okay no I don’t want to use shoving it up your ass says this is your word is because on the township on podcast we are all about putting the anus back into Okemos and putting the penis back into happiness all right have you seen the movie the interview Seth Rogen when they go to North Korea and they interview the North Korean dictator they say that they hate us cuz they ain’t us all the ants talk is that this is going to be listened to and I can ask around closing statement obviously my lots of curious people about Craig Lewis and better days and all this crazy nonsense stop podcasting a plus with all the craziness it’s hard to get work when you’re up when you’re allowed muffins supposed love for myself it’s awesome but all the people are the characters in the world I want to see I love you and I’m grateful for every person who has ever existed in my life including every person who has not been nice to me with every person who is abused me iPhone I am quitting the worst ones and I don’t want you all my life but I do forgive you because that’s the best for my. You’re my love for myself and also I just also think it’s very relevant necessary because I know this would be listen to cuz people whose voice and I’m staying right now will you love me or hate me or whatever it is it’s okay it’s okay because things have been crazy and I wouldn’t want to have to hang out with me sometimes the way things were but I can’t imagine being someone else it was horrible I was going through a living you know what I don’t want to say that word because I choose to like try to be better doesn’t mean that always succeed as you all know that you can I I’m grateful to be here today laughing about it crazy just going on I think some things that come out of my mouth that bow that’s pretty intense stuff sometimes I like using my brain is sometimes you say things that are little bit much so what I’m grateful to be here now I’m grateful to everyone if I’ve hurt your feelings or offended somebody will the problem with a reason but I also feel like that’s not okay so I do apologize for being hurtful because when you’re fighting a battle and you feel like you’re you’re experiencing or you’re proceeding being under some sort of Oppression you do things are sometimes don’t always make sense and you fight me ways that not everyone’s going through Fluevog so I will recognize this truth that goes for everybody including how I’ve communicated with you in the past and I have not been easy so this trip this accountability this acceptance of yes it’s not been pretty getting to this place and I am I in a gray spot now I’m working on it and it’s because I chose to be what I wanted to be and I tried to walk my talk and my Straight Talk sucks sucks sucks so I’ll leave you with this liked my dear friend and be host to talk about just suggested you can just get that lubrication and like jet me like take care of with best the love that you deserve because you deserve to feel good inside and however you find a way to feel good inside I know the tundra parked behind and I think it’s fair to say that I’m behind that to oh my God that sounds crazy that wasn’t even planned that I’m sorry but yeah oh my God I think it’s happened in my brain and that was thank you Universe this is crazy I don’t know what to say if it doesn’t get any simpler than put the anus in Okemos and put the penis and happiness and we will all be living in it beer peace more peaceful or more fulfilling more abundant world man so I think that’s that’s that’s what I asked what it comes down to and and I store is the next time I bought the world travels but that’s what I thought that’s what the best and I want a wonderful rest of your evening and we’ll be in touch again soon I love you so much and I love you so much for listening to the touch of Time Podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition assassini and improving the podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple after bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email said I turned your punk. 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