In this episode I’m am joined by Kristen Boyer. She caught my attention in a you tube video of a panel discussion on eros and entheogens. She described a recent chapter of her life as a profesional shamanatrix. I had dreamt of such an archetype several years ago as I began to be intiated into the mysteries of sexual healing with psychedelic goddess worship
She has graciously blessed the podcast by sharing a bit from her memoires and engaging in a visioneering session with me on a more holistic and empowered future for dommes and their clients.
I have always been a natural counselor and teacher by design, and have been interested in motivating and supporting others in achieving their highest levels of happiness, wholeness and success. Shortly after earning my MA in Creative Arts Therapy at Pratt Institute in New York, I fell ill with chronic illness followed by abandonment of my spouse (which were undoubtedly connected to my health problems and had to be addressed on a physical, emotional and spiritual level). I felt my life crumble before me. In desperation to stay in New York City, I took up a job as a professional dominatrix as an attempt to reclaim my power and supplement the high costs of city living. I applied my psychotherapy training and facilitated a glorified version of drama therapy that allowed my clients an outlet for their shadow sides to be vulnerable, acknowledged and accepted without judgment. I found that deeply wounded clients were magnetically drawn to my empathic intuitive ‘girl next door’ persona. I found I was naturally gifted at holding space for some of the darkest, and most concealed wounds to be seen and healed. My dungeon time was not long-lived yet these experiences have inspired me to transmute and integrate some of the darker, shadow sides of my clients while balancing spiritual and psychological health.
Shamanism and soul retrieval work began to magnetically draw me in and I quickly realized that this was my life’s work. I was trained in many shamanic healing modalities, the most powerful of these techniques being soul retrieval. Learning how to facilitate soul retrieval was the missing piece of my healing practice…click here to read more
Please connect with Kristen and access her services by visiting her website:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear love his welcome to Township on podcast episode number 56 I’m here with Kristin Boyer and she is a shamanic healer and a very interesting lie to me also has a history of doing work as a Dominatrix and when you put the two together you have a shamanatrix and I think that’s a real endearing term I actually envisioned the need for that myself a few years ago and I thought that was a beautiful archetype in you’re actually the first person who I’ve discovered that has use that title so I’m very interested if you if you like to Chris and tell us a bit about your background and then we can talk about how you Blended those two modalities and I’m so excited to be on your show they said thank you for having me so to explain a little bit about how I got into this work there’s a little bit of a backstory that I find is became a very strong story my life that helps me to get to where I am doing this demonic Soul retrieval and it’s Soul empowerment work that I do now that I grew up with a very tight lace fundamentalist Christian family in in the suburbs of Pennsylvania and I found that there was just this very controlling very sexually submissive as Ben also repressive energy that was in my household and so as I was growing up I felt like I wanted to rebell against. But I also felt a little bit controlled by those forces so there’s always this theme of submissiveness control feeling disempowered in that way that I grew up and when I was 24 years old I got married to this man who I thought was the man of my dreams right he was as wonderful man from Scotland I had met when I was 16 years old on the family vacation and we became pen pals we stayed in touch and it was during the time that I was in graduate school studying creative arts therapy at Pratt Institute in New York City that I reconnected with this man and at that time he came to visit me we fell so deeply in love all over again just like when we were 16 17 years old and we decided to be crazy young kids and start a path towards getting married and getting a green card for my my partner so we got married and soon after we were hitched he just completely changed and I began to see his true colors and I felt truly that I had been tricked by a sociopath he quickly went through my lifesaving which wasn’t too much of the time but was all that I had to my name and as soon as all of our rent money was gone he got on a plane to Scotland without me knowing so I came back from work I had been working as a nanny working with children who had deep emotional disturbance we’re on a lot of medications because of course then the nanny agency I work for I had this extensive training in Psychotherapy psychology create our therapies and they put me with these very challenging children so I came back from work and I found that he and all of his belongings had completely vanished and I went to the store with trying to figure out how to stay in New York trying to figure out what had happened and I was able to become a little bit of a sleuth and you connect via Facebook and interwebs to find out where he was and what had happened and his his best friend reached out to me and said I’m really sorry and I offer my condolences I didn’t realize things weren’t working out but Tommy’s on the plane to Scotland right now and you know I’m really sorry about that and so at that moment I realized that he was completely gone and I was in this really tight situation so at that time I was going through the shedding of ight I thought this was going to be my life getting married having a family you know the white picket fence and all that stuff that I don’t necessarily believe and I’m really happy that Bishop’s in my life happened so that I could let go of that old dream to make space for this new one and what ended up happening was was working as this nanny with these is really highly stressful cases and some of the nannies that I had play dates with pulled me aside and they said Kristen you are a hot mess and you can’t be with these kids right now you’re about to crack and I said absolutely I was excusing myself to cry in the bathroom when there are other nannies around that gets rid of look after the kids for me and I came back and said this is this is not a good situation for me to be and I’m not quite sure what to do cuz I want to stay in New York the issue was that my parents were very rigid and they didn’t agree with me marrying outside of my Christian religion and I knew that if I went back home that they would just crush the rest of my soul and I realize that I have had this was what I Now understand is it was almost like I was losing parts of myself losing parts of my soul as I know understand it to the lens of the work I do but at that time I thought you know my soul has been compromised I feel like I’ve lost parts of myself in this marriage and the destruction of this marriage and even with the work I was doing with these kids I was just it felt like parts of me were just checking out or leaving my body because the situation I was in was just a sera and I thought if I went back to my parents house in Pennsylvania that it was just going to ravage and rape the rest of my soul so I knew that that was not the solution and I was trying to find a way to stay in New York and that’s when these nannies that I had these pleaded with pulled me aside and said Kristen you’re falling apart you need to think about doing something else and hey you know I don’t want to make you feel weird I don’t want to embarrass you or anything but maybe you should think about becoming a professional Dominatrix and at that point I just need to know I picture it in my mind myself in this black leather outfit with a whip and it’s like a dominatrix I think that’s what I think that’s what that is before I could even respond to the other nanny said you know what I had a friend who did that and she went through a really hard breakup and she processed her feelings through the work she made a lot of money doing it I think you should give it a shot and I looked out of myself and I will only be 25 and look this good with lines and so I thought you know what have I got to lose already lost everything what else have I got to lose and so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to get in touch with someone who had already done that work and one of the nannies put me on the phone with one of their friends she wouldn’t give me her real name and she was very secretive about it she said you know this work is not for the faint of heart but if you’re good and if you can really connect with these people then you can really hit the jackpot and so I went into this work not being very educated about it so I decided to read some books on how to do BDSM in a very safe way what people are looking for Understanding Psychology behind because I was always very excited about the psychology and I had worked with a lot of drug addicts I’d work with a lot of sex addicts at Bellevue Hospital and the chemical dependency and mental health clinic for one of my internship so it already had this background with working with really intense stories and also working with people who have had sexual addiction so I thought you know I think I’m pretty much grounded and what I need to know to be able to handle most situations and I went to the dungeon I found the dungeon that one that has been highly recommended I went in there and they said you know I gave them my resume and they said that it dropped it on the floor and said just pick a name when do you want to start and it rolled off of my lips Karma my name is Miss just Karma so when I got into the dungeon I realized that people were coming in with these really interesting stories and it took me a few sessions to realize that a lot of the stories that my clients were bringing to me were stories of this empowerment that had actually happened to them so for example I had this one individual who is this really tall very good looking older man may be in his early 50s salt and pepper hair and he had a very deep voice but then he would go into this character he always wanted to play the same scenario out where I would be his babysitter and I would be his babysitter who would force him to touch himself and I would switch narrate this whole scene where I wouldn’t be directly of using him but I would be creating these situations that were very very sexy were very erotic but we’re also triggering something and I know this this because he had this really big strong voice book he would talk about it you would talk like as a little boy years old there was something that just wasn’t bridging together as far as young as a little baby with the way that we were doing this role play and it was interesting because I have a password I was sexually abused by a neighbor by babysitter so it was almost like whenever he saw me he would pick me because he knew and it was interesting because most of the other jobs were really intimidated by this particular situation I felt very uncomfortable around taking on clients who had these really interesting story than maybe it’s something that I attractive because I needed to play out my own stories but I was Finding with a lot of the client’s house working with they had very similar stories that they wanted to play out every single time another example is there was this older gentleman who wanted us which scenario and a switch scenario is where one person plays the dominant one and then they also play the submissive why then you either changed the role within the story or you have different stories that you play out and there were certain to be able to ship those roles and there was one particular gentleman who always has the same idea of what he wanted to do first you wanted to do a role-play where I was an indentured servant and my husband had passed away and I had to take on his hours of Labor before I would be able to be set free and that was one of the roles in the second one he wanted to play which was I was either mrs. Schmidt or Mrs Smith’s mother and he went on to say that he had these foster parents and his foster mother in the spa your mother’s mother was were the ones that he was primarily being raised by and that he described it so that our characters they were very very harsh very hard and punishing on him especially his foster mother’s mother who had this energy of being very sexual would be naked all the time great provocative it was for the back to Lori and then would punish him for almost nothing and so I was I was chose to embody that character because you could feel the essence of this person exists and it’s almost like just tapping into this frequency of becoming that character and I’ve experienced that when I’ve done family constellations there is therapies where you can take a role for someone else to play a family member and it’s like you don’t have to know much of the backs or you just need to tap into the vibration of that character is and then you express that in a way that you are playing out an old roll or giving a person a opportunity to break that role and so it was Finding was these clients as commercial dungeon we’re coming in with these stories that were truly truly in a sense disempowering and I found it a lot of them are trying to find ways to make this consensual either by playing it out but this time it’s okay because permission decided okay I’m playing with an adult who I find attractive who knows the rules and I can communicate with and I was finding these scenarios where the people didn’t actually know how to change the stories some of them tried and some of them wanted to switch the roles and change the dialogue but most of the time my clients would come in with the same script literally our had people who were coming in with a script and if I went one line two lines off of that script they would break down and we have to start over again from the top, and of course I’ve done all this work and you know the creative arts therapy is Rob doing movement therapy art therapy talk therapy and in this sense to me this was imma therapy and we were playing out stories and I found it not only were my clients stuck in this Loop of an old traveler an old story that they were playing and still I was too I was looking at my store in my lens of feeling unwanted feeling like I had been abandoned feeling like I couldn’t be myself from my family and I was revolted against all of those stories and I was creating a Persona it through mistress Karma to reshape how I felt by feeling powerful feeling like I was in control feeling like I was wanted and desired and what was interesting was when I tapped into those vibrations are I played out those rolls I felt like a superhero but I would still go home at the end of the night and I was by myself cry myself to sleep because my life was falling apart at the seams and all of the other areas but when I could play and tap into a character that was truly empowered I felt empowered but I character wasn’t able to permeate my entire life and I found that I was still stock and instead I was so they’re dividing into the sub character that was empowering me and giving me strength and then this other more honest South seeing where I was at and feeling hopeless and feeling like my heart was blocked and that this play was helping me to put his dance around where I was hurt and make connections with people in a fun way but I was still protecting something and not being truly authentic because I was afraid of being hurt so long story short I’m working in the dungeon and this is around 2012 and there were a lot of planetary shifts if you say I’m not really too sure what the blame it on the all the sudden my intuition became sharper than it ever has been before and I guess in retrospect of always have had this additional sense to send spirits and all the sudden I was seeing ghosts in the dungeon literally full-body apparitions and I saw these fragments of people who have been coming into the number being punished or hurt and I began to see this fragmentation of these you know now I understand is so parts that there was some trauma happening and people are separating the parts of their souls and I was seeing if I was having the lights turned on and off on me is it a comical way during sessions that we worked into the session but realizes this is a ghost and they were jiggling the door knobs and you know trying to get my attention in every which way and at that point I just almost as if I could hear them whispering to me get out of here go leave you it’s not safe as if the ghosts were telling me that it’s not safe and I wasn’t sure if it was because of them or if it was because there were some illegal operations going on in this particular dungeon and there was a lot of close calls with the cops and all sorts of things unitedness tell me when I get wrapped up in that energy but at that point I just decided okay I don’t know why but I think it’s time to go and so I left the dungeon and during that time I had been putting myself through school as a holistic nutritionist and housecoat and so at that point I had already taken on some new clients and was working in the health and coaching fields and I was also taking a bunch of classes at this holistic Learning Center in New York City where I was doing for the work-study program so I was able to assist as an assistant with classes so I could take them for free and at that time all of my clients were talking about Shamanism shamanism really know that much about Shamanism it just sounded like something I was told to stay away from as a kid because no demon is armor you know who it is of her all these things that my parents would have shamed and the church shamed is there different these are not okay and there was something that was attractive about this word and all my clients kept telling me about something called Soul retrieval and I I didn’t know what that was but it sounded really powerful and it kept showing up everywhere for someone who’s never heard about Shamanism someone who’s never heard about store to will it was literally everywhere I looked I would walk into the place where I was interning and they had a booger and it was literally jump off at the Shelf at me every time I walked into the room is all I could see and I knew that there was something to it and so at that point I began to read Sandra ingerman book on Soul retrieval mending the fragmented self and she’s a psycho therapist you have the same training as me looking at the soul as having these different parts of ourselves that if we become traumatize we go through a situation that is truly not ideal it could be a really hard partnership we’re fighting with that partner a lot it could be having some kind of sexual or physical abuse from her child in a car accident where the situation is really hard on us on our souls in that part of our soul actually say I don’t want to be here anymore and we’ll innocence check out or disassociate if we’re looking through the lens of psychology and I was looking at this and say oh I disassociate here and here and here looking for my childhood looking to different parts of my life looking through this horrific experience I have with my marriage and realizing that part of my soul my soul laugh and realizing that I had so much so lost and I needed to learn more and it was at that time that I saw that there was a training for soul retrieval and it was like I haven’t had it yet I knew I have I have to go and you know me while I’m taking these classes on Shamanism and I’m connecting through the beat of the drums going into the state of brain waves state to through meet with my power animal is my spirit guide something I had never thought about doing before so that went to this class and began to learn it and all of my Spirit guides came to me and finally you’re here to quit your job this is your life to me like I was the teacher asking me and I you know they had more training than I did in many cases and here they were coming to me for the answers night I just like I knew that it was it was really wacky experience and what ended up happening was I saw the training for soul retrieval and it was you know about $3,000 to get the tickets to New Mexico and to pay for the program in the housing and my flight cost and I said well I need $3,000 and within 3 days I had $3,000 because I had been introduced to another client I was still doing the dominatrix work I was doing independently now and I have one client just couldn’t get enough of me for that particular week and within that week I had made my rent for the next month and I had made 3000 extra dollars and it was for the training I knew it I needed a few days before and here it was so easy so I ended up going to I had to do all this preliminary training this woman so the turn me away initially and then she came back because I’m so sorry my Spirit guides told me I have to train you and I need to put my judgments of whether you’re ready or not a side because you are supposed to do this training and so long story short I end I’ve been completely supported by the universe to do this sort Uber work and what I found with that was not only was it so empowering it got me my power back from a many incidences in my past I had alluded to having some sexual abuse with a neighbor that repeated itself as a father and as I was in the doll that got raped by one of my neighbors and going back to the original wound getting my power back from how when I was five to seven I wasn’t able to stand up for myself and getting my power my innocence my Purity back and then being able to get my power back as an adult from what it happened to me and going back to my marriage and going back to the church and taking some power back that I had given away because you know the Church of shavings my body or shavings me as a woman being in my power and I ended up getting all this power back from different parts in my life and I also was getting this message to write my story so I began to write about being a Dominatrix and writing all of these different scenarios and role play partaking in writing about my past and just creating a story this Memoir of my life and realizing that the ending was unfolding as I was writing as I began to learn about Shamanism Soul retrieval it occurred to me that I could shift out of this old pattern of this empowerment not by playing or talking or painting my way to my power in fact all of those tools that I learned are so helpful for cultivating awareness of what is missing or how it last for all of a sudden I had this additional tool about how to get your power back so we look at indigenous societies and we look at cultures all around the world I was trained primarily at least initially in a practice called core Shamanism where we look at what are the core beliefs what are the core practices there consistent cross-culturally that are all pretty much and that’s an bolts the same even if every culture does it slightly differently and what I found was all these cultures had a practice cold sore tooth what it was believed that moment to travel within a few days and if you miss that Feud a range in this case we do it many years later and sometimes for our ancestors who are not able to do the work for themselves we can go back to that space of the original wounding of the original disempowerment and we can actually get that power back you go into this non-ordinary state where it’s almost like it’s we’re on our way to shopping list under three planes there’s the lower World Topper World the middle world in the middle world is where there’s us and time does not exist we also see that ghost and fragmented Soul Parts get stuck here so someone is how to travel part of their soul leaves that part of their soul become stuck so you can access this particular route through the shamanic lens and you can gather up that person’s energy and its purest form the part that left because of the trauma and then physically bring that back and blow that into the person either in person or long-distance it works just the same and that person can been in body that part of themselves that they lost and I was finding that looking at my own life and looking at the clients that I had been working with and seeing these stories of this empowerment that’s what we were trying to get at we were dancing around what part of your power is lost what part of your Purity what part of your confidence what part of yourself love it depending on what happened you can access that particular emotion in its fullest vibrant healthy form and bring it back and I found that what I was doing like many of my other clients were trying to fill this void where they felt like part of the show was missing and they were trying to figure out a way to make it okay a way to make a consensual or a way to create the space for them to become more aware of what was missing and something else I found it very interesting that was happening in the dungeon was that I was connecting with people beforehand we go in and meet them and agree to whatever scenario you would be playing out what kind of role play scenarios that was what I specialize that I was specializing in role-play so I got a lot of Storytelling through the work that I was doing and my clients would have the story in a very specific role play and we would agree on it when it says Shake on it and then I would say you know what kind of outfit you want me to wear what kind of personality do want me to come in or just come into the room just embodying that character that they wanted me to work with and when I was Finding was these people were seems really great okay wonderful we have a wonderful agreement here and we’re consenting to this particular store line I would come back in and it was almost as if the person that I talked to was no longer in their body their eyes would change their eyes would sometimes go black or dark and it was almost like they were no longer in their bodies and especially during episodes where they wanted to be severely beaten or severely punished or become very submissive to a degree that felt like there was another story playing out that was actually quite traumatizing I would see that their eyes would change their was almost like there was something in them that was feeding off being hurt or feeding off the emotion of being punished or spit on or disempowered in some way and it took me many years to actually put together the pieces and realized that in a lot of cases where people have lost their power from an actual trauma when their soul leaves the other energies can come in so we can look at those as psychic attachments demons you can look at that as just inviting sadness or anger or jealousy whatever label you want to put on it it’s sort of a spectrum of what cancer to come into that space But I found that there was something in them that was no longer connected to that playful part I was talking to that I was making a deal with and that there was something that was lower vibrational that was entering into the body or maybe just shifting over because they were triggering this part of this empowerment that was just feeding off of the cycle of being hurt or replaying the abusive situation and so I remember feeling very uncomfortable very comfortable making an agreement with someone coming in and stealing I don’t feel safe anymore this is not the person I agreed with and this person now feels very scary and make sure that in some of these situations I was in an empowered roll truly and not just playing one so that I could make sure that I could keep my safety because in some cases it was almost like a situation so I began to realize that as I continue to do the shamanic work that these energies can come in and that some of these people were so the acting out of this other lower vibration place and not necessarily wanting to go and heal the story but wanting to perpetuate and see something that was still wanting to replay the story if that makes sense wow do you feel like you have me a more sure about that the journey or can I give some some thoughts and on what we’ve come share so far. So I’d be happy to hear your Reflections and answer anything in more detail that use it getting chills because I really I really wanted to hear these words spoken in another voice cuz I’ve had these experiences really on multiple sides of a lot of what you’ve talked about I’m I’m a Survivor it took me years to discover sexual healing through Tantra and soul retrieval through psychedelic Shamanism and ceremony and and I have been leaving those paths together and having a lot of the same Revelations and also taking a more clinical psychotherapeutic approach as well to be able to translate these esoteric principles and phenomena into language that can be medically standardized in a way so that we can treat it in a way where would the work you’re doing is truly a knowledge so this is like my big passion is to hear these words spoken the way that you’re saying I’m with that Authority in that and the credentials to get this to progress cuz we need to be able to offer Hands On Healing we need to be able to offer these very deeply involved like you say the role-playing and you’re not going to get that in most of the boundaries that are set up in you know the psychotherapeutic in psychiatric Industries really so thank you just so much being on this Edge synthesis and a few things that I want to explore a little bitter or zoom into will be so I when you sit when you’re talking about the the changeover that you can see in the eyes shifting when you get into these these states with the client I’ve kind of use the language that it seems like a discovery is that evil will fill a vacuum of love and that love is the disinfectant from the parasitic attachments or for the parasitic attachments to get kind of scraped off like Barnacles off of a I’d like use the metaphor fewer if you go down to any doctor you know when you see boats moored at the slips you’ll see people that are in you know scuba gear getting paid to scrape off the Barnacles and the seaweed and all the things that attach to it that would slow it down in the water and that’s the routine maintenance thing like this soul is the same way it seems where you have to do if you don’t have a self-care practice or you know shamanatrix to call you’re going to have those things growing because it’s an ecosystem in the astral plane so do you want to talk about maybe what time since you have some of the Clairvoyant abilities what are you if you’ve been able to you know see and maybe describe a little bit about what these entities or these organisms use