Tag Archives: sexuality

Escaping the Matrix and Living the Dream of Wild Romance TPP244


In this episode I share an important announcement that I’ve fallen in love with a land project and will be living the dream of romance with the wilderness

My Non-Verbatim Show Notes:

working on a land project

from now on daily reports, maybe stack them up if their short

my state of nature to be in the hills, the forest, the trees

most actualized life chapters, where I’ve been blessed to serve gaia and some sort of wealthier than me matriarch of a peace of property

there’s often been a romance novel cover mystique going on

i’ve been an ecological gigolo to some extent, luckily not the situation now

hasn’t always worked out the best

now clearing up karma, and maturing, and growing up stuff, more aware of red flags

in twilight of 30s feeling, this is the next best chapter

peaks and valleys of life

peaks when out there, feeling free, devotion to nature spirits, deep listening to the will of the ancestors of the land

i’m a paint brush for the land, soil repair, soil building, interdimensional source of healing, being a bandage on the land

in harmony with the human needs, the land needs, the soil needs,

social permaculture design, dabbling feng shui,

i really feel the energy flows when there is order brought to the disorder

the disorder of junk and clutter and generations agricultural paradigm shifting, so many different hazards, and decaying and rotting materials, really becomes a meditation to keep the surface of your skin intact, when you’re harvesting scavenged materials, when you’re gathering and macguevering, and a-teaming up a design

beautiful multidimensional, fully immersive art project, those are the peaks

the valleys are the times when i have to do the daily grind in the city, which i have been doing, almost full time, mostly urban permaculture installation work with various crews, in that sense morale is always dragging, its great to have solidarity, working for clients, seeing the transformation, flipping lawns to gardens

nudging the paradigm slowly, being the flagship project in suburban neighborhoods, it’s fulfilling and rewarding, more than most jobs

been blessed to work with super flexible and gracious teams,

understanding of LA traffic and respect for need for autonomy

crews have been so grateful for my help, and flexible with my schedule

installing drought tolerant native plants, sculpting land for rainwater catchment, all different techniques applied to make a site more sustainable, but at the end of the day, we’re still installing pvc, still using toxic glue that kills your brain, there’s this juxtaposition of the conventional paradigm, and the ancient futuristic permaculture paradigm, i strongly dislike to be such a purist radical, but i want to be doing this work and this play and this art in a more taoistic sense, not treading so hard on the earth, not just blazing in, what’s expected as contractors,

the hustle, the life of the contractor, cheep beer, nightly ejaculation, coffee every day, junk food

i want to be the barefoot gardener, who listens to the plant, doesn’t use any toxic material, re-use materials on site, an artisan approach

it’s a huge luxury because few people want to pay for workers to work slow

being a worker, whether your boss is an angel or demon, i’ve been very blessed

but it kills my soul not to be working for myself

at the end of every day you’re back to square one, making very little progress on your own property or your own garden

it’s draining and demoralizing

i’ve been very frugal, so that i can save and hodl crypto and to the hodl plus strategy from the bitcoin podcast, you’re not spending frivolously on anything, cutting expenses to the bone so you don’t have to sell off, do good by your future self, let your days be gifts to your future self, dollar cost averaging, stacking sats, always adding to your stash of whatever fraction of bitcoin you squirrel away for the future

assuming the overall uptrend is going to continue

on and off about 15 years I go from working for other people on their sites on their projects, just doing a daily grind to having way more spacious freedom to put all of my effort into a single site which feeds me, which shelters me if possible, which serves the intent and mission of the owner of the property, where you feel like a samurai gardener, I’m a landless peasant in the grand scheme of things, but when I can break free of daily grind of traffice, and commuting, but be steeped in an ecosystem where one day builds on the next

you develop this map of all the materials, where the plants are where the water flows, what the neighbors are like, what local sources of seeds and compost, and it becomes a grand theater

as adventurous as any video game ever was, the holistic fulfillment of it, moments where things really snap together is way beyond a video game, it’s not virtual reality its reality

you get to have heart opening, experience

every time you bump into a new plant or critter you hadn’t noticed and you get to study their beauty and no one tells you your slacking off cuz your vibing with a creature

tarot card reading, spoiled to take a step away from steady pay check, leap of faith, but knowing it’s the right thing for my soul to be focusing doing what I know best

this time under far better sexual political dynamics

its been a huge problem in the past

what do you call the drummer who breaks up with his girl friend, homeless

build karma, not destroy it

a lot to appreciate, significance of transition

it’s the bug out location, I’ve been living in bug out mode

prepper’s have a language of bug out bags, bugging in, bugging out

dug in for another round of zombie apocalypse training camp survival paradise, lots of fun

forest garden of eden music video as archival footage/portfolio/demo reel of my permaculture projects

shows the timeline of my evolution, urban, suburban, rural projects

feel like it’s the crown chakra of a career, feeling like I won the game, of course it’s just another level and the game continues, but you finish a level and you’re on to a new one, really in resonance with life energy

not as much of a horny whipper snapper

dakini said you go from testosterone arousal to oxytocin arousal cycle

I’d rather just do me tonight, I don’t feel pressure to go out and get laid somewhere, never successful at hooking up, never had a one-night stand

all that is to say, I’m still not interested in settling down with a woman, but settling down with the land, without feeling like a loser if not getting laid every night

many years of involuntary celibacy, I had no game
some blame I could point at those who traumatized me, but have to point at myself for not manning up sooner

dakini says you’re shifting your sex drive towards oxytocin

20 years of holding up a “Free Boners” sign, eventually had to take it down because it’s all gone, if you didn’t jump on it, it’s gone

a woman’s got to put in effort to turn me, because it’s not like it’s my first rodeo and I’m going to have a panic attack, because “it’s actually happening”

thinking about coming of age, a woman’s body is an enigma during puberty, a woman’s body is like a ufo, it’s that alien

then it’s a balance after you’ve been deflowered, do you get spoiled, do you take it for granted, do you lose that awe, and honor and respect?

Twins movie, cynical line about how virgins respect women, then lose it once they become players

hitting the nerve of the tragic sense, in the words of Garth Algar, I’m no longer a stranger to the ways of the woman or something to take effect, how long do you retain that sense of awe and wonder

I feel like it’s been painful, but a healthy balance to go through this life mostly celibate

I told myself the other day, no matter what women did, how long it lasted, how it ended, at least you know that you told the women you love that you love them, that’s all you can do

there’s always a list of people you’re chasing, and people who’re chasing you, people you’re running from and running to

Kenneth Ray Stubs on the podcast said to the effect of, when I was younger I was too horny to meditate, it took until I was older to be able to do the advanced spiritual practices

Growing up I didn’t catch the jokes about men’s waning virility, now they sting when I watch movies where those jokes were made

the first lost erection feeling like a transmission drops, WTF!

Was making love, pretty stoned, it could have been that, but at the age of 35, what’s wrong with me, I’m not feeling completely mind blown, lost the youthful sense of 100% immersion in electrifying stimulation, maybe we lost the spark, but it was unexpected because my lingam had never been uncooperative before, never been asexual but had to imagine that’s the feeling of dissociation from the actualized

then there’s the coolidge effect, men become sugar daddies to younger women, older women become cougars to younger men

I didn’t intend for this podcast to go this direction but it’s on point because, you can’t leave the city if you’re still chasing women, because you can’t see beyond the weekend

the need to get off, the compulsion to ejaculate, the compulsion to not be alone, to not be single, the horrific discontent to not be in a relationship

dating apps hamster wheel, slot machine crank of dating apps, mining old friends to see if their single yet, all consuming, ego self esteem, hormones

luckily I never was too spoiled, definitely still women who make the “shwing effect” happen like clock work, so it’s not game over, but it’s an interesting limbo state of I’m still extremely passionate I still feel a lot of eros, but it’s less hormonal and it’s more of an oxytocin mode, so the way women want to feel emotional attention that’s what turns me on, often that’s the gripe and why tantric men are in demand because the should be able to speak to the heart

in early days, of man I’ve got blueballs, or I’m going to prematurely ejaculate, a man is trying to calm himself down and meet the shakti, shakti can be raging like a stormy sea, but you gotta be the storm that creates the waves of shakti, bring the energy in

now I feel more like a woman
not interested in having drunk unsafe hook up sex, jealous that I missed out, but not interested any more

turned down a lot of sex in the last few years, we need to spend time designing a designer way to share energy and practice sex magic

not all women have the patience for developing a deep practice

now with a bit of financial security, ability to grow and compound financial permaculture and financial continence

deeper practice in resonance with the tao

in order to garden safely, or safer, not getting scratched, so many hazards, staff infection, getting sliced up, bundling raw garlic into gauze, blazing through, same energy approaching women

it’s a beautiful sweet spot to have some savings, make a property profitable and pay for itself, do sweat equity, multiple value and revenue streams, things start as a trickle, like a spring, a tiny drip, you can do a bit of earth works and store more water

financial healing, establishment of wealth and a slower more mature, more mid lifey kind of energy and approach

I think this is gonna be a good decade, a new way of inhabiting the body, more taoist and slower paced way of working on a land project

do the best permaculture, some people say don’t do anything on the land until a year of pure observation, just meditate and watch patterns

they say 99 hours of design and 1 hour work, verse 1 hour of design and 99 hours of work

the yield you get from more observation, you have a deeper more expansive diverse way to get the most elegant solution

kick down fertility system, one animal’s output because input for another

never before have I had such grace walking a piece of land where I can just move very slowly
in emergencies and disasters you do have to hustle, but if you don’t rush and you don’t run, and you’re not hustling daily, you really have a million times less chance of injury, and breaking things, tripping, hurting someone else, spilling something, over pouring something, every clumsy cartoon thing, it always comes from that financial knife at your back,just digging into you, I need to hustle to finish this job because it’s by the job and not hourly, or I need to be busy because everyone else is busy

its not healthy, it’s not sane, it’s super dangerous

chronic backpain, usually manageable, use some yogic practice

this will be the year of me developing an “on the mat” asana practice, up to now I’d rather being doing combative dancing

haven’t felt called after many exposures to different teachers of “yoga”, but I probably will be doing it more, probably realizing I have been missing out, time to get on the mat to get the benefits of that practice, looking forward to that, all comes back to feeling less rushed, less of a hustle

entrepreneur pushes boulder uphill, the wage earner is running on a hamster wheel

you push the boulder uphill moonlighting, and it slides back down while you’re on the day job hamster wheel, not many get the boulder cruising down the other side of the slope

most people lose their ass for 5 years before they turn a profit, you should be prepared

a lot of gratitude I have for this opportunity, hopefully not having to rush and hustle and speed around and be dangerous, I think I can swing it so there’s a nice balance of going back to work in the city and top off supplies and accounts until I get to a point where there’s a functioning business model producing revenue

glad to document via the podcast, not going to start out with video teaching, not trying to keep up with the Jones’ on social media

after a humble paleo meal of canned and jarred food at the low end of the health food market, no grain, no dairy, no added sugar, I can do a podcast update

hope not to offend vegans, vegetarians, it didn’t work for me, I still have hell to pay, I feel better, body works better, long standing conditions that are not pleasant that most people have, allergies, weak immune system I feel like I’ve strengthened, I feel better now than I did in my 20s

become a bit of a home brewer, its not a vice but it’s a moderate pleasure that I indulge in, holistic debauchery

luckly weened off cheap beer, never really like being drunk, really didn’t like being hung over

falling in love with home brew fermentation, participating with a biological process, gardening the process, it’s a beautiful thing, it’s a blessing, helps to get through some of the lonelier nights, and helps me be intoxicated with the love of the goddess

incel in the flesh, but blessed in the astral realms with dakinis, the romance of the goddess

nice to have some party favors and ritual elements that help to open the 3rd eye and the heart, losing the inhibitions towards the divine feminine sex goddesses, enjoying a more private more solo practice, not feeling the sharp pain of missing the party on friday night, missing the opportunity to socialize and make an appearance, collecting phone numbers

I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it, for me and most men, you’re gonna feel pressure, I dont’ know about next generation, porn and video games causing apathy towards sex, but anyway no way for me to talk about gardening with out talking about sex goddesses, and porno, etc.

intention to refine the masculine energy to put it to work on something constructive

I often think of the feeling, of being on my knees, putting care planting a nursery potted plant, I’m creating its home in the soil, doing this yoni puja this breast massage, that’s the Mr Miyagi, wax on wax off, that’s the permaculture tantra, what I would be teaching my teenage son if I had one. I have a duty of care for people coming of age who discover my work.

I gotta think responsibly about the Deenagers

Gardening as a pathway of restorative justice for sex offenders, a way to train sacred sexuality

Better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war

a lot of sex education to be gleaned form a permaculture training experience

the 9th form of capital, sexual permaculture thesis, designing for the energy sector of sexuality in a way that is post-monogamy, post-theological control, post-shame, post-guilt, post-patriarchy, getting to more of a sex at dawn paradigm

always made a joke of about a nude permaculture design course

doesn’t have to be a silly joke, there’s nude yoga

there is a place where this hippy, free love, LSD 60s sexual revolution, now there’s more deeper connection to shamanism, tantra, and permaculture

more intelligence with ecology

people are opening up with relationships, more influenced by tantric practices, despite distractions of social media, video games, and porn, there’s quite a refinement of the seed forms of the 60s

on that trajectory of what was started with my parents, they weren’t the wildest party animals but they were on point with back-to-land projects/training centers

things are evolving

it makes me think about 2012, I was a 2012-er, hard not to be after all the Terrence McKenna, that was a huge pressurized urgent, move fast and break things, that can be very dangerous in a horticultural landscape, we got through it,

I tried to accomplish a lot, I developed the ability to lead by example, I don’t feel the need to tell other people how to live

I think I can be content with this oxytocin based sex drive, with really delicate and deliberate romantic cadence

integrating gardening, heart gardening

I’ve tried to involve lovers in the process, some have been on board, others not

Always tried to seduce women into the garden space, to have them fall in love with the plants and the soil and become as clinging and needed to the land as much as my heart or cock

May only the greenest and purest of hearts and souls and minds be a part of my dark green magic from here on out

I have the blessing to play my cards right and put in my best efforts

Try to live by the 4 agreements, hopefully the problems to have will get better and better and the solutions will as well

learning to study patterns, ala the Permaculture Designer’s Manual

spend a night on youtube watching permaculture videos

Bill Mollison and David Holmgren, developed the design science, it’s like a bundled package of ecology and anthrology, engineering, earth sciences, economics, an amazing array of interdisciplinary approach to sustainable human settlement design, zero waste, there’s a lot to unpack

the simple way I can put it, whereas Ted K. went into the words and became coercive, Bill M decided to apply the wisdom of the forest and fight back with positivism, designer ecologies that function as elegant and efficient as a forest

it’s movement, sometimes think it’s elitist, its not religious, it’s not ideological, it’s scientific

if you’re gonna be an architect you’re going to have to learn all kinds of different roles and laws of how things work

we’re building civilizations with toxic materials, slaves, requires wars, and all kind of hell, we could be building our settlements according to design principles of nature

making sure there’s zero waste

you could live in a designer forest where everything that you placed in that designer forest is useful or beneficial, food, fiber, fodder

hydrates, seeds, extends itself

use the template of the wild forest, in that template you plug in edibles, medicinals, benefit that plants, animals, the soil, agro forestry is another term

not square gardens of patches and rows, not fields, not orchards, not monocrop

that’s the least efficient, most lethal and toxic

Just like Bruce Lee, Jeet Kune Do, bringing stuff together

There’s no other game in town, it’s an open source technology, not controlled by a central entity, it’s a decentralized movement by design

saw a beautiful luscious wild RABBIT, seemed quite healthy, I got a sense from seeing it that it was very happy and healthy

cackling of COYOTES in all directions

SQUIRRELS scurrying about

a shiny LADY BUG, unmistakable red dot, always a reminder to my analogy about the goddess Kali as a beneficial predator that helps you control the garden pests, as above so below, as within so without

found a big sprawling cuban oregan plant, respect to the Sunset Nursery for supplying my first plant, my favorite local nursery

CUBAN OREGANO like a succulent, big juicy flaps, meaty, has texture

lone BLACK SOLDER FLY larvae, made a new compost bin for it, affinity as the smokey ash black reminds me of my encounters of the dark goddess


Bromance with lead designer/land keeper, holism, spirituality, martial arts, being fuck yeah stoked about everything you’re vibing on, whether biking or skating or punk shows or girls, the excitement and enthusiasm for working together in a really harmonious way, playing fort, having that be doing this really fun stuff and trying to be productive and profitable, and create value, community, and education

Don’t like the word retreat, would rather be making an advance, what if Burning Man and the Rainbow Gathering happened at Occupy Wall street?…

The word retreat is not my favorite word for spiritual gatherings or workshop gatherings, for lack of a better word, we’re both on that path of building a robust spiritual holistic, regenerative tool set, guinea pigging things on our selves, battle test our immune systems, our diets, not just lead by example but all take on clients

my dual life as a sort of renaissance sex worker of sorts, don’t know what to call myself now, sort of artisan, somewhere between a professional and hobbyist in that realm

this is a place where my dear brothers could circle up for some deep men’s work

don’t want to be a cult leader, taking extreme precaution from becoming a cult of personality

precluding that possibility is a part of design

excess manure is lethal poison if not designed to integrate in a dispersed manner to feed the soil

music icons vs cult leaders

ethics and responsibility of meme producers

its all about rotation, it’s all about decentralization, the term is an ensemble cast that’s the solution to patriarchy, to dictatorship, share the love share the power, share the influence, know when to delegate, know when to lift other people up above you, I’m gonna try my best, by all means accept feedback, look at shadow

I left the same work crew in 2014 to go to the northwest to live out the dream of romance with a piece of property

When I left Babylon then, my dear eco-bro said, “Do Good”, so I’m gonna try to do good again this time

Permaculture or tantra, like ida and pingala, they’re complimentary

Trick and Treat: Decoding Halloween with Devika the Techy Tantrika TPP219


Devika the Techy Tantrika Pic

In this episode I’m joined again by Devika the Techy Tantrika for a Halloween themed show where we explore cross-cultural approaches to the spirit world beyond the veil of waking consciousness. We discuss the phenomenon known as “black tantra” and compare notes on how concepts of good, evil, occultism, and more are dealt with in various tantric traditions. We look at the degradation of spiritual intelligence in the modern world, and the implications of turning your back on the spirit world. We question the notions of dark and black as negative and take a less dualistic perspective on the diverse natures of demons. Our discourse on the mystery of the dark goddess Kali leads to an effort to understand and decode the famed history of sacrificial practices. I share a few sensational headlines from the Indian press on scary stories of gurus practicing business as usual black magic to help remind the neo-tantra “bliss bunnies” that patriarchy has plundered the more feminist ethics of ancient shaktism.

About Devika:

Devika J. Singh/The Techy Tantrika is a Tantric Sex and Self-Relationship Coach as well as a Performess. Her diverse creative endeavours as well as her views on holistic sex, intimacy, self-relationship and self-care have culminated into the one-on-one online coaching practice she has today. Devika’s unique take on traditional and Neo-Tantric practices along with her continuous dedication to providing commentary on tech trends that affect the way we date and intimately connect shine through in her YouTube video series where she provides Tantric sex and dating advice to her audience.

You can find Devika’s YouTube sex+dating advice video series at youtube.com/thetechytantrika

Follow her Instagram at:

You can also find out more about her coaching practice and writing at devika-singh.com

Gender, Sacred Sexuality and Spirit Work with Lee Harrington TPP215


Lee Harrington Pic

In this episode I’m very pleased and honored to be joined by the highly accomplished Lee Harrington, he is one of those very precious “where have you been all my life” kind of sapiosexual soul mates that you feel like you could talk with forever and ever.

I knew this was going to be a deep, profound, enlightening, and transformative journey. His  perspectives on sexual healing, liberation, and empowerment are vast, multi-dimensional, and infinitely thought provoking. I’m looking forward to many ongoing explorations, it felt like we barely massaged the surface.

He shares his personal background of transitioning from being born assigned female to becoming a man,  developing personal practices and group opportunities to experience sacred kink, working as an adult performer, becoming an international sacred sexuality educator and advocate, and so much more.

Our dialog felt like a free-style jam where we riffed off each other’s musings, laments, and future-positive affirmations and visioneerings. It felt like a bit of collaborative improvisational spell craft; all intended to expand love, acceptance, compassion, and co-operation.

We dance with language and he provides insight into ways to evolve the terminologies we use to define “us and them” and when appropriate, transcend to more of a continuum than a dichotomy. I’m hopeful with the application of Lee’s wisdom teachings, we’ll move towards an unprecedented global village where a new “us with them” paradigm will replace the “us and them” and “us vs them” binaries.

About Lee:

Lee Harrington is an internationally known spiritual and erotic authenticity educator, gender explorer, eclectic artist, and award-winning author and editor on sexual and sacred experience. He is a nice guy with a disarmingly down to earth approach to the fact that we are each beautifully complex ecosystems, and we deserve to examine the human experience from that lens. He has been an academic and female adult film performer, a world class sexual adventurer, an outspoken philosopher, is a kink/bondage expert, and has been blogging about sex and spirituality since 1998. His books include “Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond,” “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Realities,”“Playing Well With Others: Your Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Negotiating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities”(with Mollena Williams), “Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé,” and others.  You can find Lee’s podcast, tour schedule, free essays, videos, and more over at www.PassionAndSoul.com

Independent Motherhood and Empowered Birth Work TPP179


Laura Sermeno Pic

In this episode I’m humbled and blessed to be able to explore the raw realness of a wombyn of color struggling to navigate and resist patriarchy, white male privilege, and mono-normative love and relationship styles. My new heroine  sheds light on many of the shadows of injustice that she has faced and fought throughout her life and her journey as an independent mother.

She shares about the beauty and magnificence of her natural home birth and the incredible role her doula played in the process. She makes a call out for support of her efforts to study the birth working arts so that she can be of service and give back to the community.

She holds sacred space for me to open up about my ethnic impoverishment and we celebrate the enriched experience of culture that she has as a Mexican-American East Los Angelino.

Please support her Go Fund Me campaign here:

And check out these links:

About Laura:
Laura was born in East LA, raised in Sur El Monte –UCLA matriculated, educated by her people only, from the classrooms to the streets. She studied Xicanx Studies and Spanish at UCLA, and within undergraduate studies she began to unfold her art of poetry and went on to perform original pieces.

Professionally trained as a legal assistant, Laura took a break from capitalism beginning of 2017 to both create and nurture a newborn, born July of 2017, and felt completely underwhelmed with returning to life in an office. Having had a beautiful, calm and empowering home birth, she is now on the path to joining other mamas on the journey and educating them as a friend and a doula.

AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin podcast episode number 179 I am being joined by at Laura cermeno and she is a sovereign independent mother who I recently have kind of bumps elbows with on social media and she like the kind of stuff I’m doing I like the kind of stuff she’s doing and just synchronistically around her run over recent posts you know I I got a sense of the purposeful mission of being an independent and Sovereign mother that she’s working on also to be a birth worker in to get sort of a community supported or our crowd Source funding of contributions so that she can step up in that role and being serviced in a good way and that is really impressive to me that’s those these are the kind of empowered women that I’m working to build the technical infrastructure in the financial infrastructure to support in in ways that allow for more freedom and and indignity really so that there’s just not this constant compromise and sort of pressure to find a man or a v hitch to a man or the family pressure of where is the this all the psychic external Authority from the toxic masculinity that that is just an economic privilege that shouldn’t really exist so I had them or the community comes in to support women you are doing this kind of work in my opinion the better the world is going to be the better it will be making the world a better place so I’m I’m putting my money where my mouth is I don’t know about anybody else but with that said that’s my soapbox speech for the moment and I will say Lord thank you so much for your kind of being a stranger to me but but being willing to come in until your story and share and hopefully we can get some some good promotion for you as well so please go ahead and tell us about how you’ve evolved awesome I just turned 26 my little Hometown is kind of bug predominantly Mexican neighborhood I grew up I am also from independent mom most of my memories of my childhood was just being with her though we know a stepfather just coming to play when I was about eight years old and still currently still in our lives but for the most part I did see myself as a child of a single mom or independent mom who is very strong and I’m really a lot different from her own background from basically a traditional Mexican home from from a Pueblo from a really small area and you still can’t just a carry on these very men Center traditions and some typical gender roles and very kind of backwards Catholic beliefs so I did grow up with with those beliefs and them at least it’s a tempting of Swing. Urinating me with those beliefs although I do consider myself is to be honest, I didn’t know what the word was but I did know that if things are unfair I wasn’t very interested in heaven as much as my family tried to teach me to cook and clean for Imaginary future partner that would have a pretty much rejected those things when I was around my extended family so my mom never protected those things onto me so I think that kind of help bringing sing both sides really I love you supposedly was your car is no my mom was a struggling mom she had wanted to drop most of the time and despite all those things I did Destiny have a harsh of bringing my mom was also flawed herself but I made it to UCLA wanted to study to become an environmental lawyer didn’t really know how to get around to that but ended up sending check on the city so you feel like although I did still have the tendency to want to go into the legal field which actually did end up going into and despite all that I’m an artist and a poet and a creative at that point in my life who did my baby’s father for years out of college be going out like I spent the day blush and all those things and I very much as interested in kind of The Next Step specialist inside after someone like me to kind of accomplish something like a dream from school like that I thought was pretty much bet I could you know do other things I guess and one of them was very much you know starting family so I’ll save you a lot of activism work at UCLA with an organization called occupy UCLA I was also part of the Bruins I’m going to spray quality there so when I was kind of a practicing their two sisters are there Mexican Oaxaca and they just talked about big mothers and so on one episode that they did speak about home birth and I want to listen in on that and they say they spoke to her mother her name is Lauren boy she still practices as a midwife in Los Angeles Pacific Lane Redondo Beach and she’s recently had moved back to Los Angeles from maybe around ten years of experience and work with communities in Oaxaca although she’s American she has good credentials to me because she was taught by my people if that makes sense so that made me feel like Asian is a language patient was a culture might be more than a lot of others who have just lost touch with their culture and so that definitely empowered me to continue on and I believe I did reach out to her before I even was pregnant so that I can make sure that you know I was able to lock her down because I figured you’d be pretty popular after that podcast so that’s why I landed speaking with her and she ended up being my Midwife who delivered my son I’m so mean I don’t know how to fast forward to now but the home birth was spectacular there was a point where I thought I’m not going to make it in the sense that I’m ready to go to the hospital maybe to make things easier but once my dual arrived I would say she was the most instrumental in getting me to finish with my goal of having a natural number is amazing so her name is Jenny solo it’s been a year and 4 months since my son was born for the first year I was full-time being a mom stay-at-home parent and the past 4 months have been attempting to become more independent been 4 months since I left my partner and I just had to revert back to the LegalShield because that’s what I had experienced in so I did not enjoy it anymore so that’s where we are today I’m just floored and humbled and I’m kind of in shock that I’m that I’m witnessing in myself hearing all of this in feeling like Sperry I’m just Gathering my thoughts right now because so much of what you said or are considerations and concerns that a lot of a lot of men don’t turn into when they’re just doing ball games and barbecues and video games and when I dropped out of that world a stint was very in my formative years in college was very much transform bye-bye feminist lovers who really put me in check and it made me think about and try to grow sensitivity to a lot of these issues till is it just a little bit just to kind of help if you will accompany you to kind of put my contacts in in this mix cuz it’s it feels like from from from one perspective this is really awkward because what is a what is a white dude know about any of this stuff unless unless you really cared and why would he even care and I do care because you know my I have you know since I’ve had I’ve been a victim of patriarchy and various ways that makes me very sensitive to other victims of patriarchy and the the healing the thesaurus cultural healing the the gender ceiling that needs to happen it’s is very near and dear to my heart is so it’s it’s kind of made me care and be concerned and actually want to I mean of all the superhero archetypes and all the vet like violet masculine heroic bulshit if there’s a way to be a hero that is not always sexy and not always is glamorous and not always has violin it’s really like how do you how do you get humbled by the stories and understand the need to flip the script and really start to take whatever privilege you have and put it where it’s needed the most and that’s kind of what you’re talking about that’s what I hear you know this is trying to to make it against so if you don’t mind Alaska this journey that you have taken I don’t want to I don’t want it to be gossipy or dramatic or anything or but feel free to go off if you want to but I am I am curious what and whatever way you want to express it that the breaking apart breaking up Breaking Free however you want to describe it what is that look like for you having can you walk us through kind of your the psychology of the happy-ever-after kind of Disney thing was that going on or where you you know I just just whatever you could say about how you how you discovered you had to come part ways and there’s a fork in the road it with the relationship and now you have I don’t know if you have child support coming in I don’t know if you have like what level of estrangement or or or sort of like a financial duress you might be in so we can get a sense of how best to support your super heroic efforts if you if I dare say basically I don’t think that we ever really were in the happily-ever-after although we were super connected by the idea of really like my miss both of us really wanted to start a family and we met during active this time it was funny how you see yourself as Waco White Privilege Connections in certain like moral things and kind of political things but our communication never built back up our trust never built back up I guess I reach some normalcy but I think what really set me off towards the end all the way I believe we’ve been breaking up for like a long time probably even during the pregnancy there was still like some issues just basically getting along then maybe just things that weren’t fulfilling and if she know we were to be honest with one another it was it lasted even longer than it than it had to but towards the end actually on my son’s first birthday party when are joined together mind being the bigger 35 + people his relatives came by we had just gotten the house you know he actually is a lawyer law field and so I was a stay-at-home mom at the point at that point trying to break free also it was like a great especially our son but things kind of devolved I can’t believe it really was his mom trying to start shit and you know wondering asking one of these people leaving you know in my home and instead of Nino I don’t know that being squash for like maybe my partner kind of getting a little bit better he felt like you know he needed to give his response or whatever because we’ve been celebrating him drinking for a while and you don’t even smoke was being funny and I believe literally every person was enjoying themselves operate on her problem not a problem that’s why I like sarcasm but you know my partner’s response was after I was nothing helpful I wouldn’t say I was being helpful but that’s right my response he decided to kick out my family and that was a breaking point for sure I believe I talked about breaking up that night will you continue to go to couples counseling which was something that we’ve already started alright believe he started much too late couple weeks past actually I will not go back the very next day my grandmother from my grandmother who wasn’t present at the party from My Father’s Side passed away from cirrhosis and you know I dealt with being embarrassed by my partner in front of my family and then you know another relative dying you know still trying to go to couples counseling and all that and really getting no type of support One account for themselves my grandmother’s Memorial came and I wanted to celebrate go out you got a babysitter so we can go baby dancing and relieve some stress my partner were not by being we’re not getting along with and despite you know me really being in need we did not seem to go on that Alsace you know decided to go for a drive alone and got donuts with a friend and came back or came back going towards my house now calling my partner again and ask them what his plans were and he said that he was going to go to a strip club instead of either spend time with me or do nothing really but he really needed to make a statement about you know me leaving him and saying that he wasn’t a pleasant person or support that that night so you know me leaving and be independent memes like I a deserved I guess for him to go ahead and go and do something as disrespectful as it was possible for him to do something like that and he did it so because I asked me and I also think this is going to be good for a relationship to it she responded what relationship and so I kind of like where’s my hand I would say there was definite self-sabotage there and it was all so liberating you know maybe in a way he know scapegoating him for his actions and me for you needing to leave but yeah that was a definite and it was just like indicative of like a huge problem that we already had had him something that I wanted to get away from him not showed it to normalize. To my son I mean I just yep that’s how that ended thank you so much for sharing that and there’s so much going on there and it’s honestly there’s a bear up there are a number of parallel situations that I’m somehow in the crossfire or in the middle Evan in some way or another where I get it and I will I’m starting to starting to get it starting to understand that that these fractures that happen in just the whole notion that we have of the nuclear family and that whole white American picket fence line two and a half kids and dog and a cat and two cars in the garage and in that hole Mystique it time it’s problematic for a lot of reasons and what you just feel like I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong right now by opening in holding the space for you to share this story in a way that will reach people all over the world who are going to have a vibratory emotional resonance with just the crisis here in because you you I’m sure you will write a book you will have your Memoirs whether you whether we’re kind of taking notes now and putting out a little bit of it now or if it comes out all later but this is some it’s it’s it’s a sadly tragic typical pattern and I feel like the the word that and I have this this it is I have this fantasy this utopian fantasy that we can somehow as an entire species returned to a dynamic where women are really super into into each other’s emotional needs and it in each other’s physical needs and in and even a Time sexual needs I’m not afraid to say it I will say that it’s not it’s not it’s not a big secret that lesbian lovers take care of each other longer and better than most straight male lovers and it’s just one one dimension here but but overall I’m just seeing that the the vulnerability and the susceptibility to these douchey patterns that can just be catastrophic if it’s just that I have been trained by my feminist friends and lovers who are female body and in that they’ve been taught me that it’s like so many women are trapped in in these fucked-up Dynamics with men because they don’t have solidarity and Sisterhood amongst each other to the point where where men are just think if they come and go it doesn’t even fucking matter because they don’t have any property rights they don’t have you know your bank account password they don’t have there’s not at this whole mythology around you know my you need to view need to impress my family and my family needs to get babies from you to put their name on so that we can give her so I mean whatever the race I mean dinosaurs say whatever but but that’s not even getting started with the racial politics of course just the patriarchal patrilineal you know we named We pre-stamped the mail the mail server name on the children and we we want to control the sexuality of all of all females because they’re either going to be cranking out babies that we don’t own or they’re going to be cheating on are you know prodigal son you know we don’t want the Princess Luna with a princess running off with the family jewels in shacking up and falling in love with some poor man if some other race or something and then there’s so many that are going on I don’t know if any I’m just kind of going off because these are the bigger patterns in a bigger size but like what you talk what you’re saying like this is very well I just want to say I guess in a in a supportive way as best I can that what you just described about your particular Journey with these macro Dynamics is I just want to applaud you for for you know stepping up and taking a stand and taking a risk in and going out on a limb for your own dignity and sovereignty and I hope that the dudes in the doghouse and he’s going to try to like not are you know I’m not going to be projecting my my couples counseling services on TV right now I don’t know what is the destiny is that I was supposed to have them but certainly some growth and learning on on his part and I hope that his heart is open to that and I will say you know if you ever hears this if you ever meet Smith at like you know he can spit in my face but I will still give him a hug because we can go and have her men’s group or whatever to bring it back to the world again just I applied you I’m I’m seeing a bestseller here already so take good notes and and when I will just put best best wishes after he comes you know falls into the 2 to the matriarchy and in whatever way you’ll make sense but from this point of what you shared now I’m wondering so the the leap of faith into Independence and being single and what is that look like for you financially and legally and an emotionally didn’t like what have you kind of designed for yourself is the strategy to move forward without move forward with a cup with a new paradigm for yourself of what community is going to be like and what a family is going to be like in maybe yeah I mean I can only imagine I have a few other folks I said who are in similar circumstances that that I hear from a lot but it sounds like you know you stepped up and said hey hook it up I’m doing something good I’m going to take care of everybody’s going to be cuz you remove by that so so definitely luckily for now I’m not going through any court system to try to get any reciprocation from baby’s father he’s pretty open pretty good he is providing child support although we have some reason talks about cutting back on that at my like probably most vulnerable time right now so when things aren’t perfect but I enjoy you know the 50/50 split that we do have I think that’s healthy for my son that’s healthy for me to have some much-needed time to recoup and kind of like clean up my space and have me time luckily I found a place leasing out of 4 bedroom house with some friends some really good like-minded friends that I am having you know that Community with and that’s 5 minutes from the daycare by mention the baby father not my favorite place but you know I’m glad that it’s going to work out that way I’ll east of the Prime Meridian Community me and my partner are going to have to be in a family no matter what here and physical demands are so far not really though you know I would definitely recommend for those who do have those issues like you need to go to court my cell phone for that system but particularly what’s going on meeting child support is crucial to start as soon as you can. I’m I’m kind of make sure that things are fair you know things can be fingernail that clear you don’t know people’s Financial anything until you really get them down in a way not the same situation for everyone but luckily I’m having luck with that I never had my own place you don’t like my own place but you know I’m on the lease or where me and responsibility is a double edged sword but being cool with that and being able to do it even just excited about that I definitely am now the opinion that monogamy doesn’t work I’m opening you know myself up and I’m starting to date a little bit but for the most part I want to maintain like not a typical kind of unhealthy ways where you know because you decided to like someone now they have a say in your top of me and things like that I don’t I don’t Vibe with that and I’m just trying to meet people were kind of the same way as far as Community I mean like food sharing meeting other mothers connecting online especially now since I’m one reason Kratom has probably for myself and I do see myself hanging out with my friends and kind of wanting that energy around my son as well so for now it’s it’s that way I don’t I don’t I don’t leave men out are you not going to go the same type of again yeah that’s what I am well I’m glad to hear it pretty much all of that that’s it could be so much worse and probably not that that much better and some of the stuff I’m actually hearing it’s it’s there is it’s it’s funny because or I should say it’s funny but I’ll say that the tragic comedy is that a lot of what what a conventional or conservative certainly white bread kind of patriarchal mortified to hear most of what you’re saying cuz it would just be the end of the American dream and to me it’s like the end of the American Nightmare so I’m actually happy to hear that I honestly believe everyone can find most likely find a little something a little bit better for them scary part is leaving I guess well that’s a deep study and and I think about that Austin and I I’m just trying to build up the most elegant toolkit of intellectual and emotional resources to help people kind of feel supported in these kind of decisions one of the things that I found was a great resources there’s a polyamory weekly podcast and I don’t know it’s been awhile since I’ve been away from them but they were gone for quite a while and they interview the woman who called herself a relationship Anarchy and non-hierarchical relationship Anarchist which was and she just broke it down so hard core in and that cuz you could be relationship anarchists and be rebelling against a store Terry and lovers of course but but she was even taking it to a level of like I’m not going to have a primary partner does not going to be a sort of you know a favoritism kind of dimension of a hierarchy at the way that you get with people who do the primary partner thing which I’m not saying it’s good or bad but I’m just saying wow this is the potential is Limitless for how free you can actually be used at the Quizlet see citizen in that system essential and and so so yeah I feel like a lot of the toxic Behavior happens in this sort of void or vacuum where couples are in this secret hell realm called privacy where people shut their doors and close your blinds and they don’t want they feel like it’s inappropriate for them to to kind of do like a sit-in strike and say no until you all resolve this issue I’m not going to go to work I’m not going to leave the room I’m not going to give you your privacy to tear each other apart I’m going to ask you present and and so call me utopian call me an idealist but I feel like that Sisterhood and Brotherhood and everything in between hood is all good in the more the merrier to have people holding each other socially accountable for for misconduct and for just micro micro oppression and abuse and everything so yeah glad to hear that you’re are more Collective household and I certainly can commiserate with the that next leveling of responsibility to be to be on the lease because then you actually have to be kind of like a a job site manager 2 or something you have to take on these others wish that we would just like it was just the land and the people that children got my anything–but so so yeah now that we didn’t answer we’ve kind of mentioned a couple times the campaign that you’re doing so now will probably be a great time to give you full space to just talk about what you’re hoping to get from what the support you’re looking to to access from from those who can shave off a bit of their of their means to help you get something blue strapless with your all about it jobs Aliso maybe a little bit over a week now I was terminated from pretty terrible workplace I’m I’m pretty blessed I’m leaving and you know now just thinking about the perfect opportunity to try to switch to something more meaningful more creative less to do with the government and substantiating pretty must have systems I don’t actually mamaw really believe in so and I did I I mean I’ve been kind of thinking about some sort of spiritual work with other spiritual guides in other folks and they’ve always going to tell me you know you have this play healing thing like soda spiritual work and what they were doing I mean psychic reading room but then I was like I don’t think so you know so yeah for the most part and I’ve always been a writer. I also staying so try to do those things you know somebody is coming not much but and then just speaking to my Doula I also met with her and she kind of walk me through the process and I looked up some specific trainings that I really thought would really help some of them are for certification someone is not although certification I hear this not also not required I feel like you know parents definitely wanted to have some sort of certification so why not I’m so yeah for now I mean the main when I like the workshop that I like is not a certification one but it has so much it’s called sumi’s touch it’s a workshop at his family’s touch it still see only do it raining Crown cost $750 and all of the resources are online so I mean you study but he get the resources online so I should be able to you know keypad and potential clients another big part of the training is actually going in on where it’s which you know middle Midwest most likely kind of mitigate that you know there can’t be like 10 people on the room besides you know family members or whatever so you know it has to be kind of specific and you know birth work to do with all of this and so I shared that those costs for apprenticeships just for one birth of roughly 500 each so you know that they’ll send me back a little right now so she right now because if not I’m still trying to get email part-time job to maintain education and kind of community work that’s what that’s why I have approximate around $6,000 like kind of a beginning him out but I think you know once I get into it’ll be a lot more feasible you know no longer asking the community but if not you know give I want to give give my work to two families I would completely need to know a free Doula like that’s my gift back after I completed some training and yeah I do want both birth Doula and postpartum doula certification so that I could help free during birth and then postpartum healing looks pretty much my spiel about the GoFundMe I pray that you get all of the abundance that is coming to you and I really appreciate the way your structuring the the perks you know to be able to be in service in and it’s really like a Pay It Forward kind of thing of people can help you out they will know that they have you to have their backs and I’ve known a couple of doulas in my life and certainly known women who have worked in the women’s sexual health field in the reproductive Health shield and pardon my French but a lot of what what they’ve been up against is a real shitshow and I just watch and watch the the mainstream institutions just chew them up and spit them out in the pharmaceutical corruption and just there’s so much real evil going on once you get into that medicalized anything. I am so we don’t know most of us what we don’t know about what we’re missing out on about home birth and having really wise which is an herbalist and and Medicine women who have dedicated themselves to these pads and if you want to talk about taking a power back from patriarchy this is such a one of the deepest wounds are one of the most I guess I would say for my perspective which is a really I really twisted for most of intervention from the the way that they put you in the stirrups to the others are so many things that I think it was just a total medieval torture horse or something else so can you teach for the people listening and I don’t know if you will get you know a ton of support just you know from from the audience I’ll try to get this out as soon as possible but I’m certainly going to put in what I can to help you move forward with your goals but I would like to just have you just kind of share with us for the record kind of what what is the what Define a doula and independent provide more of a definition and and talk about really how how relevant is that we have a doula on every block or whatever is the goal you know what I mean I really like its etymology like it means a woman of service or something like that would she really really wrong with that but you know obviously in the picture I get at 11 and someone wants to be there for you and not not just a service but more like emotional like support I believe that’s one of the most beautiful things, I didn’t think about needing a doula until it was probably 6 months into my pregnancy and you know what the things are and who could help me in the prices in time became very anxious do you know why but I just realized maybe because of my issues with my ex and I needed a more emotionally attentive person that just knew it wasn’t was going on and I will you not shave my ex still he was very much present and helpful I’m I did too heavily rely on just my Doula process so because she is entrenched in me a Mexican traditional practices of Reno labor and then she’ll sit does placenta encapsulation and she does feeling ceremonies at the end which are traditional Tim and Janice Mexican communities because they’re in the traditional to some indigenous communities definitely she’s very in touch with those types of things and for the most part I believe it was mainly her touch some of her words that are touched during spring surgeons contractions that kind of made them my mind go away station was about like 50% reduced and just having that constantly every now every 5 3 2 5 minutes like that touch that reassurance it was brief but it was powerful and I wasn’t seeking anyone else out other than her and I don’t think that if she was not present but I would have done you know the full natural hunger I don’t know if the goal is to have one on every block but at least four people to know what I do want is what to do what does do those are not the ones license to help bring out the baby anything medical although they do Monitor 40 days postpartum ceremony maybe their knowledge is that are carried out through very many generations through a special spiritual people spiritual healers family-to-family it’s not about a social-media thing although it is becoming one I am particularly wanted that because I don’t believe in science is not created by women about women I don’t think more people can know about our bodies than ourselves and our intuition far beyond what the cerebal can tell us far beyond what we can read about in nail science textbooks or something like that especially her mother is healthy with no complications. Things will be fine you know that science of fear is stronger than the actual evidence based science dualism cells can produce for you regarding you know labor and delivery just in the home so that’s why I want to do what I want to do awesome I feel the warmth in my heart. Nice and kind of my mind playing out to the cinematography of of what you’re talking about and if you are you good to go at 5. This is been a fast almost hours are you good to go a little further or something that is because you mentioned social media it’s it’s kind of I guess ties in with this kind of fun well I will see the you’re also talking about science and technology and and how might how feminism has inform my attitudes towards technology and whatnot so just kind of say briefly that I I think there’s a lot of Now new space for ethical hackers of all colored hats to look at the the big data conglomerates and monopolies that are sucking our private information out into the corrupt backdoor deals and just makes Orwell look like Bambi or something you know it’s like it’s worse it’s worse than I ever imagined it’s more Insidious and more Twisted in in sadistic never imagining and yet it also this whole moment we’re in with with some the internet with social media I’m I’m old enough to know what it was like to have to read a book or go out and socialize to not be bored a lot has changed I see this blessing and a curse and then obviously the curse of aspects are pretty obvious certainly anybody listen to this anybody is addicted to refreshing a need an app for anyting guilty of certain degrees of that we can if we have a hack your mindset to this situation than we can we can use a little bit of digital Alchemy in in in figure out how to make these systems work in in the benefit of the people in the benefit of people of color in the benefit of the oppressed of all varieties in and really it’s it’s the potential I think to reclaim and redefine Beauty on a lot of levels so something that you were very I would say there is a bold and beautiful about is the you or I seen your Instagram and you’re doing herbal baths with your child you know you’ve you’re doing breastfeeding you were flying your stretch marks and I believe there is a lot of room and a lot of potential to reclaim the the beauty of mothers and Andrea Lee break the beauty myth molding and smash the patriarchy in that sense so I’m just curious if it’s not out of my you know appropriate balance to to open these topics if you want to talk about how you how you want to or how you were thinking about and strategizing about kind of re beautifying motherhood in in the whole kind of plastic Barbie Perfection kind of thing I feel like my probably never fit the mold and you know what Barbie stuff that’s hot issues with my image and and what I want to see I guess then in a pregnancy in a major key for while I from Los Angeles I feel like I was especially at that point because I had been breastfeeding and things have been going so well and I was producing a lot of milk is losing a lot of calories I feel like I was like my body what did have a hard time with it actually was a stretch marks because they’re so dark for so long and maybe they’ve been fighting this year but at the end of the day because I’ve been mice like who I am who I hopefully have portrayed myself to be it myself you know throughout this talk I like what’s in the mirror like I can’t deny a picture for the most part those images they came about kind of want to win all those thousands upon thousands of pictures of other pictures are affected my culture I’m not just my culture it was actually an article about Latinos and changing the United States predominately do think Mexican and not the problem itself my Mexican culture I mean how could I let you know how can I kind of like I wasn’t cheerleading I wasn’t picky I was just listening to kind of like creative directors and and also one of them being my Village any Silva. Imo’s pictures I couldn’t deny that for myself a friend of mine. For my son and you know it at the time I’m pretty sure I was very self-conscious but I’ve ever gotten of me and my son and regardless I don’t think that you can even think about Barbie that have skated my son and there’s no way that you can deny that kind of love what I write in my diary and actually feel about myself sometimes I mean everyone has those monsters and it’s not it’s settled in the other thing is like I’m making him a photo with my son and it’s not sexual at all and so those types of conversations we were blessed and that my picture came to fruition through National Geographic so they actually were able to okay that photo and have it in place of the name of an article which I particularly make sense with the rest of the words in the article so captivating in a way it captures kind of like innocence in like kind of like giving like specially because yeah that’s what it that’s what the whole process is giving your body an alarm for a time and then all the time after that where you’re breastfeeding you’re also very much giving your body and your energy but yeah I’m super lucky that my Doula Jenny silver had previously worked with a National Geographic photographer and they were interested in cultivating raised images for a specific article about kind of power which was reshaped to talk about Trump’s America basically I’m so yeah I mean it away my photo resurface there and it is in the magazine July 2017 you’re after my son was born so that was pretty powerful yeah that’s pretty much a part of me wishes that you would just keep talking forever so I don’t have to help myself for like being choked up with tears right now and we like that yeah this is this is really powerful and I said I want to be too Starstruck that that you’re a Nat Geo and Neji was so near and dear to my heart I feel like doing the Wayne’s World I’m not worthy thing is that just a little bit more about my do love if you know like something with her in there because Stephanie like know that power and you know all that staging and ran to actual herbal bath like those images and like that sacredness of hours but you know that’s something from her and I think that comes out of the picture yeah I like I always the picture like National Geographic a lot of like animals but just being in touch with all types of Nature and like you know that type of stuff like being in arima super powerful and I think that again it’s like a lost tradition in my car trying to reclaim that now. It’s been around you know these things are not scary but just letting you know we have more power right on well I will say I have it is not been challenging for me to be. Don’t take this the wrong way or anything but I would say there is a man in this world I’ve always felt like it was not a chore but else but a privilege to a good refers to be meditating on the the beauty of stretch marks and just feeling the texture and not is a sort of like oh oh pity party you know you don’t get to be in Miss Universe it now or whatever it’s like such a bullshit but it’s a Well there should be a Miss Universe for for that and if you actually cared you know you would appreciate that so I feel like that if you haven’t anyone listening if you haven’t worshipped stretch mark belly before then you’re missing out the music sits it’s a mystery and something to to meditate on in into yeah it’s 11 so I appreciate that and I guess maybe your last sort of from save me hear them thinking of would just be 2 maybe I’m kind of a this is this is a big kind of klusterfuk of questions I guess you could say that I that I have I’m a white man to grow up in the Northwest and one of the whitest states in the union and I was always drawn to the Mystique of LA to all of the Hollywood movies that I watched his latchkey kid and all that stuff and now I’ve been down here for almost maybe more than 15 years trying to just connecting and you know you’re going to laugh but it’s like things like I really connected as a young child with movies like La Bamba and later got into Blood In Blood Out which is also made by the same the same dude who was who is his kind of enamored with being I don’t I wouldn’t forget to send him but I’d say certainly my case that has he said he grew up grew up around and experienced a lot of Latino culture for me there were bits and pieces growing up but but just being a fight dude totally disgusted with the emptiness of my own non-kosher at 8 just felt like I want to just be the ugly ducking duckling and check up to whatever other intact kind of familial or sort of tribal structure as I can find so I’m kind of like a Joy’s the the parties and I’ve always kind of like exactly I haven’t tried to Vienna. The Mexican because I’m in LA and I’ve Had My Moments in there to see if you would know that I just that there’s been some funny like West Side Story type moments and funny like that is pretty funny but it it it it does speak to this bigger kind of picture thing what I want to say about it being the klusterfuk of a question is like to bring it back for you is like you know I see indigeny small and sort of thumb Anarchy feminism in just at the tour to Mexico with punk bands and I’ve gotten to really for myself see the the this just the fact that 49 1492 is every day somewhere in the world and there’s places where that that that Battlefield this is like the battlefield of indigenous language is dying against Spanish to English in seeing punk bands play punk in steampunk in and totally indigenous tongue that may or may not be fully documented by anthropologists but it’s a the and also the fact that like a lot of the Latin American punk rock seems that I got to experience were not everybody was all pumped out a lot of people were just like regular working class citizens and they were all participating in that because it was like the a way to celebrate I got more of that more deeply connected fabric of culture and what not but I guess you know what I worried where this is going and I appreciate you being very with me versus myself I feel like I could ask you this question and I can’t I can’t always ask people this question cuz it’s too controversial into explosive you know but the question really is you know how do you in your you’ve broken free from a lot of the shackles of thinking that Catholicism in patriarchy and the state and and all these other institutions that that try to turn indigenous people against their own skin color against their own Traditions you know you were fighting that fight right now and I just I’m curious what you would say and what your thoughts are what you would share for the the occupied and the occupiers the colonized in the colonizers wherever you might be in the world like what what is what words would you have to say for to empower people to break free from these religious controls and spiritual and sexual all that stuff and so I don’t know you know what comes to mind but how can people be of service that are not you know my condition is some people who are indigenous how can they kind of stand up and break free and not sell out and whatever you know conform or whatever that is definitely a huge question I don’t consider myself like any kind of Representatives regardless of my identity. You know like like similar to you I think I don’t necessarily write people off because they’re white although have a lot of comrades and friends I do but I do think that there’s be home folks or not a business that you know there’s a void there’s there’s a feeling there’s a there’s a reason why we’re all kind of going through a shift and realizing like this is not a certain different types of things for ourselves and having kind of like technological kind of looks like talking but not enough kind of like doorways to like get through to like the type of world that we will be one of those kind of far out two different things I mean it sucks but now the main way you can contribute to the world you want to live in right now is funds his fundraising is bleeding charity work but more like you know who needs to be uplifted that’s maybe you know if you can think about it the current structure for the current capitalistic structure are not valued in the same monetary way but they’re doing more for the community and the types of work and the type of world that you want to live in in the future like that type of stuff right so like less kind of thing people eyes like a disadvantage or whatever it’s more like kind of like Goods what can you give when then what can you what can you go back to people who have donated to me just like that other people who again or more just that I want to see what’s up to so you know like you know anyone that’s looking for a doula you know how I am in that position where I think I do need to attend for free things like that so for people who are indigenous of course just again where the mouth speaking to people speaking to people about birth rethinking births or I’ll be home for a worm anything that deviant from you you know but not necessarily kind of like reinforcing those structures on each other that type of thing but that judgment what became an entrepreneur for yourself so you know it’s just being you not being imaginative enough and you may be wanting that for yourself in your life right like that’s why people come out here with negativity or or should I just be mindful of your energy where you place it in and why you’re giving off something that’s not super ideal my world’s just blind optimism but you know I think we definitely need more optimism and I am definitely like a punk I really like happy Punk right now from a world where you know I’m from the same world as y’all but I definitely think for the revolution what I want to bring is this breath work and what I want to bring is more positivity and it has to be blind sometimes why not you know we just need that when you believe in God but definitely line ourselves up to receive those changes by way of saying all the the mess ups we have in our own brain like deconstructing kind of like the actually try to make a difference I think that’s pretty much it is to you for decolonizing your bedroom and decona is in your mind and decide to colonizing these dimensions of bed sometimes overlooked and I appreciate everything you have been saying in will be taking good notes in and I can also commiserate about punk rock and I’ll say that I like I said happy Punk I’ve actually kind of put the thought experiment out there what if what if in some bizarre sci-fi future the punk the punk rock an Arco Punk Revolution actually succeeds and we are living in tribal Neo tribal Utopia and there’s nothing to complain about what kind of music are we going to read me and are we going to be playing these like death metal Melodies about Doom and Gloom or we going to be free country weaving the musical fabric that used to be just ceremonial songs and and ways to get through seasons and get through life cycles and things so so I’m I’m there with you and I if I am looking forward to hearing the chi music that you hopefully will create an account of lyrics and poetry that you were right and hopefully that will be part of that transition towards post-apocalyptic Punk kind of phone oh yeah well. Cool will definitely have more time again I think will be great to have you back to even come in and talk about some of the as you do your trainings and as you have more experience has to come in and share and just get more people kind of Switched on and activated around in this and amazing well thank you so much for your platform I appreciate it so much more than you know but I definitely would love to come and reconnect it somewhere cool so I guess I would say that I just want to help put in my final words and then leave it open to you to say whatever you like to close out with and certainly will put a link to your campaign in the show notes and anything else you like to have shared their yeah and so I would say it’s interesting residents that I have with with your story and that I actually I went to the University of Oregon and that was where is it premieres environmental law conference happen every year and it was just an orgy of environmental lawyers and I got to expose to all of these campaigns in all of these struggles and all of this super high level but it was great cuz it was like you had all these super Elite privileged white intellectual academic Scholars and then they were using the budget of the university in this this this conference annual conference to to bring in indigenous environmental Warriors from all over the world to tell me the story so you know that was it a very beautiful thing and I feel like something that is the I want to see a buzzword but like a key term from from that world is well everything is is our environment and the environmental justice in this order from the cultural ecological issues that you’re talking about it’s like yeah you talking about the legality around the environment of the womb and how they how to clean clean that up so I feel like you were definitely I mean I can see the the parallels there and in whatever dimension environmental law Shield work you want to explore I’m sure that the the grant funding and the interns and that you no tapping into all of those those hungry Minds in the people that want to study things and you know you just have to spend it right and you can have a PhD thesis if I can see it so you review right yeah but now I I just actually study that I actually did research on mental racism in low-income communities I’m in certain communities but I think my closing thoughts for sure are just that Albert’s that’s the beginning of our culture and if we are experiencing experiencing or like that I meant to me if you know I’ve been through this process and make sense to me but if you think about it you know I think about it logically and all the beginning of society begins with Creative Kids of this cage think of work like this is like the first step for a new Society right like and even in your own interpersonal lives where can we drive power and how come we Empower women to have empowered birth and not just you know that one day but you know checking in having Community being accountable to them you know I’m kind of Usher as Elders that experience them but also have some advice for independent mother and said I would say and I’ll start with self-care is your number one goal that’s super difficult and over myself a camera that usually ask for my son because I know I could feel depleted if I wasn’t so caring I definitely was a different kind of mom and that’s something I didn’t want to pass on I would say start creating that works around you find other end of town mothers like you share resources like food would sharing and child caring if that’s feasible of my ruin us to Burnt out from work for when you need it I said I would say don’t have too much of a pride issue personally but when you ask for help then people will know that you need it and regardless of of that Party Factory think that because we have a little little people to attend to you know it doesn’t really have a place all the time when numbers are my final words alright well thank you so much I’m looking forward to next steps and we will talk more about the survival women project soon and and hopefully that can be another another connection point two more networking and more resources to help you move all this stuff for so thank you for being being willing to come on the show and hopefully a lot of people will get a lot from this and I really do want to bring it all the way back down to the thirst with a lot of the stuff and I appreciate that so yeah I have a wonderful rest of your evening and we will be in touch very soon thank you for listening to the touch of Time Podcast please go to www.drudgereport.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and if you want a podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple that provides ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Tantra Punk. Com Damas de

Responsible Psychedelic Sexuality with Leia Friedman and Matt Hollander TPP168


Leia and Matt Pic

In this episode I’m joined by a lovely couple for a round table discussion on responsible psychedelic sexuality.

We discuss:

  • our personal approaches to consenting psychedelic self pleasuring practices with ourselves
  • how and when psychedelics and other sacred plants are appropriate for them in their relationship
  • the shadow of alcohol and hard drugs
  • patterns of unconscious sexuality of the punk movement
  • sexuality in the neo-hippie subculture
  • the shadow of guru worship
  • cults around spiritual leaders
  • student/teacher sexual dynamics
  • exploitation of followers
  • predatory behavior patterns in ayahuasca communities
  • the dangers of free love
  • ego and peer pressure
  • corruption of those taking money for sexual healing or spiritual guidance
  • patient/client dating time delay requirements
  • examples in other professional sectors of ethics and code of conduct standards
  • sexual political economy
  • boundaries around involving state authorities in restorative justice
  • Psychedelic Patriarchy video
  • incident denial when survivors come out
  • creating supportive space
  • reporting incidents of abuse by emailing: hello [at] psychedelicwomen.com
  • the role of trained mediators
  • can sociopaths be rehabilitated?
  • calling out celebrities
  • accountability, hide or be accountable
  • admitting when wrong
  • the no more hiding now project
  • the logic and morality of triage in emergency response
  • standard operating procedures trained and drilled as a form of preparedness
  • sharing tools for building incident response social infrastructure
  • grey areas of consent
  • potential for redemption of perpetrators through service work
  • personal hard lessons with sexual misconduct
  • functional and dysfunctional investigations
  • gossip, drama, telephone games
  • appropriate scrutiny of public figures
  • compassion for those who’ve fallen from grace
  • the shadow of shunning and displacing perps
  • harm reduction, success stories
  • shamanic ceremonial healing for perps and ex-cons
  • when survivors aren’t ready to bring it to light
  • how people take sides, defend perps, and subvert advocates
  • asking the victim what they need
  • not assuming you know how/when you should apologies
  • consent in the process of justice
  • How Psychedelics Informed My Sex Life and Sex Work by Annie Sprinkle:

About Leia:
Leia Friedman, M.S. is a teacher, writer, and connectress. She is the cofounder of Boston Entheogenic Network, host of the podcast “The Psychedologist: consciousness positive radio,” the integration resource list volunteer coordinator for MAPS, and a permaculturalist. Her work focuses on phenomena related to the human experience of consciousness through the lens of social and environmental justice. Leia is exploring ways to bridge the diverse and multidimensional intersections of psychedelics and ecology while residing at Happy Acres Farm in Sherman, CT.

About Matt:
Matt hollander is one of the founders of BEN the boston entheogenic network, a psychonaut and the singer of the boston hardcore punk band ancient filth. He is interested in the intersection of radical politics psychedelics and non duality.

Please check out their projects:

AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin podcast episode number 168 this is going to be a very interesting and enlightening episode I’m joined by Leah Friedman who is the psychologist and she is an adjunct professor of psychology a psychedelic Advocate and permaculture list among many other wonderful beautiful and amazing things that we will learn all about shortly and also one of her Partners in in life and in love and his name is Matt Hollander and he is a psycho nut punk rocker opening bands for 15 years currently the frontman of ancient filth is that correct and he’s been booking shows and doing events and also helped start the Boston and Thea genic Network very interested in the intersection of radical politics and Consciousness and freedom of Consciousness so to give a little bit of background before we get all started with this there was a recent psychedelic Symposium conference in Los Angeles and I felt like I normally would be all over attending but I had some some duties I had to attend to and I felt like you know I feel like I may be at a higher point of Leverage to just connect with some of the presenters look at the people representing and see what they’re talking about and then maybe fine folks of interest to invite on the podcast rather than go and and actually be there in person and kind of broke my heart that I wasn’t there but then I just felt like you know something good will come out of it and this I need the results of that was looking into some of the things going on around that around that event and in the movement and I wanted to check in to this phenomenon of there being sort of research and resources around collecting testimonials about sexual misconduct from psychedelic shamanic practitioners whether they be doing a sort of time for type work or sexual healing type work Hands-On work involving some some psychedelic medicines or just people who are in the second ochimana community and their basic Authority and power than maybe you know consciously or unconsciously of using and misusing in sexual ways and Dynamics and certainly just how patriarchy which is the backdrop to everything how that how that infects and Ben poisons even our best intentions in ceremonies and in communities so a lot to how about that is so you know really what we talked about as the shadow work and you know in and sacred sexuality the shadow work is is uncomfortable but necessary to to deal with and also add two cities are the slipperiest of slopes for sure for sure for certain in psychedelic work and in sexual sexually works I’m always thrilled to have conversations that further this discourse and get people who are her passion in about these issues and then I can’t I can’t think these two folks enough for being so and residents with my personal background were talking about my favorite things punk rock and theologians permaculture you know what what more do you need to peel and save so maybe that’s what we should call Us episode but yeah we’re really doing our best here I would say and it’s just been a blessing to connect and we’ve had some fun some fun talks leading up to this and what we’re going to attempt to do is just have a bit of a round table and this is I think the first time I’ve done this and also it’s a blessing because he is going to on her podcast the second ologies podcast is going to rebroadcast or we could even call it like a punk rock style split 7 in released and I favorite kind of thing so so that was my my typical exhaustive intro and now I’m going to turn it over to Leah to address the audience of her podcasts and we’ll give her it to the floor to introduce well usually to start off my episodes I just I have an introduction which they’re all make an introduction before this so everyone on my show just heard the introduction and I go this is bent on truck say hi that’s really all I do So High by and say hi I am my name is Ben Lawson I go by the name Tantra punk as a stage name and I am your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment and you can find out a lot more about what all that means at Central Park. Com where I have a podcast and I create educational instructional videos and sacred trance dance music and I also come from a long history in the punk rock and metal movement and I have been in numerous bands and him sort of reconciling all this stuff in my at my personal life and professional life and I and I would say that to a degree I am a somewhat semi-professional practicing sexual shamanic practitioner with certain credentials to my name of being a certified Tantra counselor Under the Tent request School in San Diego and I’m also a certified permaculture designer and a lot of other Badges of Honor I suppose along the way but I’m doing my best to stay in service and to stay as humble as possible and integrate as much input from other people because we’re really talking about some of the the slippery of slopes doing this kind of work and I’m so I’m here to kind of be roasted in a way I think I’m open to being roast Temp and life and also to just explore all of our different experiences so yeah so what are you mad do you want to talk a bit about yourself and give us more of your background then we can all kind of kick get going at Hollander GTA has been working with anxiety I’ve also been in the punk rock scene in Boston for around the same amount of time to play Radical politics and non-duality and just trying to understand what is the score find my place in this crazy world we live in if your network of Boston group that brings together people from all talk about how do you spell experiences and support and he can go and and talking where do we hear your band ancient filth on music is on on the bandcamp for free to listen to download and yeah I’ll survive lyrics I got the lyrics vs you would be so kind as to step into the matriarch roll for as long as you’d like you can kind of set us up and start to dry out you know what is most present for for you and your thinking around these topics and then you know I feel like we can just go from there if you’re comfortable with that I would think that’d be great, I mean I can lead I don’t think we have to gender it in this case. I’ve been thinking a lot about consent lately and people in the community ourselves building up our ability to understand what is the S and what is know and I think it’s particularly relevant in altered state it’s obviously relevant in sexual play in sexual experiencing even with the self just that idea of giving yourself consent to go on a personal experience is something I may never have considered but I think that is a practice we should all look at so I think any conversation about sexuality and psychedelics especially those two together have to start with consent and I don’t know I mean been like if we want to do this as just kind of a conversation maybe we could start with talking about that maybe we just talking about what it feels like to be neurotic self-exploration on drugs and no one can tell you that you’re not telling the truth you know no one can no one can contend with it if it’s your own private experience so actually last night I would say I just was coming right off of a of a pretty profound Journey myself so maybe I can do a little bit if I can slam poetry how does that sound when should we start from yeah what you’re saying the very very very rude of consent being a very personal personal thing right yeah yeah let’s start with you and then see where that leads to I think you’re a little on are integration why not what could go wrong I’ve been given permission by the the Hindu Tantra goddess Kali to kiss and tell and she’s definitely a very probably type of creature and loves all the other goddesses and what likes to watch me play with other goddesses in the human and non-human forms and whatnot but I always feel like by coming down from mushrooms with your my drug of choice I feel like I having to face the mundane world and get back into traffic and get back into J jobs all that stuff it’s always a step down from the glory of being in Union with worth it yeah they the sexy dark Goddess that that has been invoked in the jungles of throughout India for since time immemorial mean for going back twenty thousand years at least in the archaeological record the indigenous Pagan hunter-gatherers have been celebrating the the Earth mother goddess and and certainly discovering and playing with the erotic forms and really having a lot of magical ritual involved with that so as a as a white boy in the American West and the 21st century it’s you know the way that I’ve encountered her is been quite an adventure and I would say it’s it’s the if if there is one thing I’m here to do its to correct the history in the Indiana Jones Temple of Doom movie where he goes to school he goes to a Kali Temple and they get it all wrong and it’s all backwards cuz instead of liberating children and slaying demons she is the demoness goddess whose enslaving and saving children and corrupting everyone the only thing they did get right about that movie is that and I’ve had to think about it a lot because it is considered by Hindu Orthodox Hindu Kali worshippers who are worshipping a very demure and very domesticated form of the goddess in temples throughout India and then in homes now they’ve stripped a lot of the wild sexual nature away from her but even the most yeah but there’s a huge backlash of that movie amongst amongst them Orthodox Hindu Kali worshippers because it’s so offensive and so I such a colonized view of the Goddess but what’s what’s so what I found so interesting after studying their critique of that movie that film and after watching it again I realize wait a minute there is a deeper truth that they were conveying here without even knowing it and a lot of Kali worship say all is mAh meaning that even the door even the most Sinister things about her inner nature and you know people out there to sociopath psychopath if you’d look at them as teachers and you know at some level they just need to have the demon whisper come in and tickle tickle the demons out of them so that they can be activated into the light and there’s like a deeper love story of transformation that’s involved in this but if you watch that movie again you will notice us deeper deeper critique that they are offering is that the reason this with all went awry and that the thuggee cult emerge to practice you know they were basically thieves who were worshipping the goddess and trying to extract magical powers from her in a perverted and corrupted way doing human sacrifice and now it really was the problem with that whole picture is that it was all male priests and they they wedged the female priestesses out of the Pagan spirituality of psychedelic goddess worship and they replaced it with the Brahmin is stick hierarchical empire building male priest lead only the priests could speak the language and write the words and they they pushed the feminine out of the goddess and can’t even believe what they did but you see it it’s like oh yeah it’s it’s all men doing this Puja ritual where they’re sacrificing people that’s the problem now if I can come back and bring my love story with the goddess to you know eventually bring Harrison Ford to the Kali temple in Laguna Beach for him to bow down and meet the goddess then we can redo that script and and I’ll be happy to continue that Legacy and in the right way and show her and her Grandma Lori said that’s that’s for the best that is divided that I’m rolling off of after being in Union with the guys last night and I don’t know what that means and he has no one but it’s just yeah I’m doing my best to just go with the stream-of-consciousness oh yeah that’s my that’s my contribution to the self-loving Psychedelic critical component of this convo I feel like it’s a great pitch for like a Trippy porn and I think we should roll with it if it was a joke but it was Indiana Jones and the Temple of poon ticket downtown okay I need to shut up now please next to the same thing and maybe you want to share what were you thinking I did I just have an amazing experience on LSD and MDMA where I was I was there to pleasure it and can you tell us more cat sounds like you’re going to MIT you’re going to do a remake of Stargate with Kurt Russell definitely made my mouth 35th and having the world come all over my face a giant waterfall they don’t call it the Milky Way for nothing right yeah I said once someone and someone ask me actually Rak razam who is highly esteem shamanic facilitator and documentarian end in a conversation about this kind of stuff that we had in the previous podcast know he asked me once he’s like how do you know that Kylie is not a demon how do you know that she’s not disguised in some way and I’m like well the proof’s in the pudding man I mean it’s the samadhi the Bliss that you didn’t you just you feel like you’re on the spin cycle in the cosmic Yoni and you know you feel is so all right how are you so are we ready for Lissa testimonial confessions I hope a lot of Catholic listening in the confession Booth of it’s like the opposite of profane as it gets when it comes to psychedelic trippy and Wild As It Gets for me is I just completely become a plant and I don’t know maybe plants they must have sexual feelings actually with those beautiful flowers that they produce to get bees and pollinators to come inside and pickle them and gather their Harris Teeter their dust or whatever but I haven’t had much sexual fantasy in trip but I know that you know I’ve I’ve struggled I have thrived I mean I’ve gone through my entire life with body dysmorphia and this is like some of my oldest memories of being in a body are dysmorphic of kind of like a wrenched image of myself in this form and when I took LSD for the first time and most times that I’ve taken it afterward I had a sense of being like free and and yet like inhabiting and grounded in my body if that makes sense like being free from it but also like being bully in it and I have worked with that sense because this is what I think is unique in that empty a genic or the altered Consciousness experiences like the ability to access that state of thinking afterward is only just as remembering what it felt like to be that way you can’t necessarily call it in all the time but it’s like the the roads are the roads have been traveled once before I like the the neuronal pathways have at least been touched and so tapping back into that I’ve had a lot of sexual Liberation do do psychedelic experiences of of inhabiting my for more of like of the embodiment so that that’s what I would say to the point I think it is my ability to receive and to be in pleasure comfortably has definitely been helped by psychedelics that’s very interesting and you have a psychology background so I feel like it’s sacrilege to even invoked his name but because you’re a psychologist you would be very familiar with this like what what I hear you describing his brain gives me flashbacks to the brief study of Freud that I had to do in anthropology it was like kind of a sidebar in that in that training but I remember distinctly and it’s kind of triggered by what you’re saying this you know there’s there’s not a whole lot honestly that I agree with you about his is DC to species but one thing that does ring true to me is that notion that sexuality begins before puberty and it’s about just pleasure in the body and how you discover that like I used to play with my belly button and it used to just give me the surges of of overwhelming arrows that no one around me could figure out but it didn’t seem you know cut the logical just seemed like a is better than cartoons why not in that would be a form of self-expression and discovery of a Rosetti that kind of like you’re saying if you know the money. She doesn’t have to be genital Focus doesn’t have to be about friction fucking with somebody or something and can be about inhabiting and feeling deeply into the sensuousness of your whole being and that sounds like a great a great kind of approach to it is that is that ring a bell for you and we want to go off of that with your bring it into the lens of psychology osher yeah well I do think that as that we are sexual beings from the beginning and end part of part of our sexuality I think of a place by the cultural climate that were raised in and what most of which is sex negative unless you’re in some kind of countercultural family or our you’re just not as much as I think to be encouraged to discover and self pleasure yourself or like sexual play among children is almost always frowned upon and and preventing I’m not necessarily advocating for that because there’s like a Content issue again kind of go back to it but then again when gauging in sexual play with little friends that I had when I was five six little other little girls and little boys and or like to close do you know that I understood my boundaries enough to only do things that felt comfortable to me but I think what you’re asking about the experiencing of pleasure I think like there’s a there’s all these different droppers to pleasure for me there can be right like being in a place that but doesn’t feel like the right setting for her pleasure that kind of like Stoppers my ability to experience it or list of things on my mind that I have to attend to like gets in the way of feeling turned on above Like Loving what’s going on and then another thing that would get in the way is body dysmorphia so to be able to access the sense of embodiment with Timmy with useful sexually because allow me to like unstopper the flow of treasury note the to take off the reducing valve for the the sensations that are possible your asthma is sexual partner not feel free to us well that question as soon as we’ve been together and we’ve been exploring a lot of these issues of the you know definitely let you know cuz I you know I think you know like I know most amazing thing in the world and I and so it’s really amazing to be able to you know do you know gorgeous and and really help them come into their body and it’s just it’s such an amazing thing for both of us to experience something like that and do you know but anyway. So you don’t even need a permit you don’t need a license what’s the powerful sex worker goddesses that I’ve ever met she is such a a heroin to me in one of the things that she said which is so apropos this conversation is that she would like to say this the sort of bit of wisdom she had and she basically said you know you can it’s legal for you to go down to a gun shop and buy a gun but you can’t buy my pussy that’s how powerful my pussy is you can buy something but if you go to the Hampshire pretty soon you’re going to be able to buy both with your favorite cryptocurrency so I know that’s funny letter fireworks from liquor stores that are you staying out of that is so great I am so there I’ve had I’ve had enough with everything I just said and I even thought of how it would be nice I like what you said this is important to to know what you said about you we do need those winter months to actually heal and until it’s I feel like the people are running on such hyperdrive in LA because there aren’t it feels like there’s really no season so there’s no introspection there’s no self-reflection there’s no getting close with the family or with the Beloved at it with the land you know being a part of those Cycles so I really do feel like I probably I probably fall in love so much that I won’t care to leave so even if it’s freezing cold because I’ll be around the campfire you know I’ll be around if you know this the the wood stove or whatever maybe so I know it’s gorgeous and it’s so cute really you’re the season Majestic earlier today and not because of smog smog 6% Caucasian but that was a bit of a culture shock for sure Caucasian it turned out which is which also further to the stigma of the same kind of like if there is such a thing as middle class in Hollywood now I feel driving I guess it depends on who’s driving I got there in four and a half but you can get all of the action all of the food everything I could to make sense to to be posted up legally in New Hampshire for so many reasons and then I can imagine it I kind of imagined that it would be the Vegas or or like you’re saying but I’m surprised that there isn’t a more of a booming adult Production Studio house industry given that you could it’s it’s bad. It sounds like it’s about as far as away is Vegas and everyone fled to Vegas when the the kind of life started taking enforceable effects in the LA County area so that’s a question I have for you is it you know if you’ve been following the the regulation around and this sort of the big money the big money clinical groups who are trying to shut down the street on the health but with the health department as a sort of there their battering ram into the industry I’m curious in New Hampshire are they is it is there any specifications from the health department or health code that that are trying to set the rules for the industry for the porn industry there it is it is the Wild Wild West out here we are more people more to join you know start producing they would have to try to regulate but I don’t know if they would because I really don’t think they would I adhere to the same you know guidelines as as far as testing goes the only difference is I need to get tested we we provide them with testing we make sure everyone we we go through this last we have this very detailed checklist I think it was inspired by Nikki Benz and if possible the only difference is we’re not paying Los Angeles or Las Vegas free small company but you know we talked about splitting, according Talent from Vegas and Los Angeles and you know kind of responsibility regulating type of business you just have to have trust that all people are you know I’m doing the right thing around that is because yeah I think that I think like Outlets sexually here you know I said you know if you will actually liberated place like you know I even thought about you some Leaf peeping directed in the professional studio shoot up or down with your spouse just that sounds like a great guy honestly before you even were saying this stuff I could I was just it was a premonition that you would be talking about this because I I just felt like you were going to probably end up working in some capacity with the Chamber of Commerce of wherever whatever region or whatever sort of municipality or me to Sally’s and actually help that like what you’re you can’t you know you can’t afford your Public Works projects you know your new parks are being closed down for whatever reason well here we got the screws it’s going to be amazing yeah I can see it now and start building and I’m almost filling my gas tank to start driving out there right now I can of gas its people have been wanting you know it’s been it’s been on my not just a to-do list but actually really it’s it’s it’s the lot a lot of the stuff is is I can see it happening and also I I I want to if it’s not already being taken for some other obviously a worthy cause I feel like the love Free or Die state is going to be the hashtag that I talk to Subway to get a handle on that it’s all you it’s you if you can take that and run with it if she if it works but I feel like that’s good it’s the best I feel like you have a lot of love but I like a lot of love yeah I know I feel it I feel I feel you said you were a Healer and you seem you seem like very empathetic yeah this won’t this to me you know all of the trauma that I have witnessed that I’ve experienced ice I can imagine that this is would be a place for people that veteran died literally I mean you know they call it in the adult industry we say that you’re a civilian if you’re not in front of you in if you’re not in front of the camera and doing the stuff for on the street or wherever you’re a civilian and so if that’s the case which I really truly believe it is then we need to have VA programs in hospitals in a note and benefits and we’re doing a public service for helping living out everyone’s fantasies for them if they don’t have the courage or the resources to make them happen so for that I like to be treated with this much if not you know as much love and respect and dignity and resources as veterans violence and brutality in Warfare civilians is military yeah that’s cool yeah and we aren’t we aren’t we know we were lying about reliving some sort of childhood, it wasn’t about servitude or Surrender sometimes it was just the process to the session would be the process to get to the Aftercare to get to that hug to get to that approval of being told you did a good job you know and when I realize that I thought there’s so much more I’ve actually I’ve had plenty of clients for a while there it was kind of weird they were widows widowers their wearers like I was attacking little words that were in various ways and people don’t understand that Sexual Energy can be incredibly therapeutic and healing you know when there’s something fundamentally wrong with that especially you know I mean now I mean Dairy mention you know I mean every day and I just kept having these handmade in handmaid’s tale things going through my mind and and now to be apart of Swap and to be keto on the inside track knowing what’s going on with this legislation here to decriminalize effort I am filled with hope and love all over again no more despair or fear I feel like this could really I meant to be alive right now at this time and to be here and now in this state I feel very very honored and lucky absolutely why I feel very honored and lucky that we are having this conversation you were exactly the voice of the representative that I wanted to find and connect with its in this is really an amazing amazing invigorating conversation and I just I just want to thank you again so much and you know we’ve got a little bit of time left I think we covered most of what I was super excited and looking forward to discussing I guess I would like to ask if you want to talk about the kind of support that you need from people in the area from people abroad people anywhere in the world listening to this but what what do you need to help your chapter really get to the to the point where were you have all your dreams are coming true and you know you have the people power and the skill sets what were you what are your pain points and what do you need so that that can just be put out there and it is a prayer absolutely absolutely awesome and I’m sex worker Outreach project is a nonprofit we do accept donations we accept recurring donations donations I mean just to be an ally to a sex worker to be supportive and you know aware that their work is real work and emotionally laboring work to know the sex work as a form of emotional and physical labor and that nobody story is is representative of all sex where you know and I think that the presence of sex workers in social movement come together and try to fight this and you have to fight what gone but it is a tubal refuse up sex workers bank accounts and it’s happened the money seems suspicious that’s unacceptable yeah yeah that’s you that’s the way to to bypass So Many Factors whether it’s the pimp violence or the banks or the state or even Amazon not wanting your wishlist to be you know used for compensation whatever it is the terms that you have to been in bed will I have to say that the my biggest public service announcement for anybody that might be in your network who listens to this is that I really hope that anyone listening who is a sex worker who has the u.s. exposed to these Financial choke point issues invest time in studying the whole cryptocurrency movement starting with Bitcoin and in aetherium but but you can accelerate that process if you start to look into joining the platform of spankchain which is bringing together all of the activism all of the the really Advanced cryptocurrency solutions for being your own bank literally being your own bank where you have peer-to-peer Financial transactions you can sell they will be yeah they will be providing a lot of solutions for the industry and for the producers and performers to be empowered independently and off the rails of the money system we don’t need to do our dirty work without your dirty Fiat is how I feel McGregor’s Outreach project we have like a meme donation thing you can donate cooked difference NFL Karma Dakshin and and how how sex workers are the difference between trafficking educate yourself some people have been looking for what seems like an ideal future to me or all of the the glory and the beauty of the healing in the transformation that is possible and also the the sort of in the streets marches and the activism going to take to get there and a couple of I guess you’re silly but up at the memes have come to me and one is it you know people I remember chanting in the streets protesting Wars and logging and you all kinds of pollution would not the people we would always chant whose streets are our streets and I can hear this echoing Cruise sheets are seeds coming out with our seats and then you can also got allies and civilians involved right thing that ever since I started looking into it swapped but I’ve ever felt like we’ll all of the the Financial Funding necessary to do real political work lobbying in legislation and all that stuff I feel like there’s got to be a way to solicit the the buyers of sex work the purchasers of the material that the funeral of the client’s right of the clients are you so mean maybe PornHub can put a donate button to swap you know somewhere I mean set stuff like that I would love to see the financing for all of the stuff that you have in your bucket list of dreams to make come true for this industry and for this movement that that the money if the people who can afford to pay for their further their fetish or for their experience or for their media everybody and you know what I mean I come from the the green business Eco business startup kind of seen in in LA and it was a no-brainer that you would want to launch your startup having a dollar of every purchase or a percentage of your purpose so that you could have the the pr potential of putting out press releases were you talk about how you give back as a social impact or I mean even PornHub has done a lot of cool stuff like that and I don’t mean to keep harping on them but because they’re the biggest conglomerate really that the industry absolutely and you know that they’re behind them right that I was either going to let my contact continue to be over there in cream to the channel myself because it because you know we can continue and have more follow-ups to this conversation but I certainly would love to explore some of your insights in the industry and I have some yes yeah I wanted to add you know how that Whole Foods you know if you have to you have to be a squeaky wheel gets the grease and House of weird that you were is this is thrilling to me I know that there’s a there’s worse things in the world than having pornstars solicit you on your doorstep like door-to-door canvassing for help me on Monday to take your singing telegrams you know what the my name is you could use the conservative rhetoric against him and say we’re here to clean up the adult industry sign here and give us a check what do you mean well I know where else next workers never would never when they used to pack meat and the muckrakers had to blow the whistle and that’s how we have ratio any conservative how do I I subscribed to say the r word regulation but I will say any sort of public outcry about working conditions that’s all we need you know and Industry within the industry of people like you who know what performers need what the issues are and can represent that and it’s not coming top down it’s not coming from you know sideswiping from weird organizations with too much money trying to push agendas where they don’t belong and some people know what I’m talking about there and some people don’t but it’s what they did with the keywords you know trafficking of course people wanted to sign off on that piece of aeon I support you know anti-trafficking laws of course I do and so what we could do is we could eat give them a dose of their own medicine like you said hi we’re going to clean up your industry and fine hair like that cuz that’s how they do so many things when they say you know that people don’t read the fine print when they when they sign initiatives to get on the ballot you know they read the sort of sensationalist headline that skews the facts to some moral kind of you get boxed in Morley by the by the by the headline of whatever it is and so that it’s it’s like appealing to logical fallacies for anyone to want to do that but yeah I mean this is really it’s actually truly the holiest and most most sort of medic there’s there’s a way for all of the people to I mean excellent performers have the legal space to do this right then then the medical aspect will I think it’s going to naturally organically become a safer environment if you’re not having to be underground in the hide from you know the the filming commission and fucking cops and at the neighbors and you could actually have facilities that work up Captain staff and you know and fungus were like just clean to the places I mean that’s what people say about the all of those secondary crime things that go along with Vice and things being underground and the black market economy you know if when you when you legalize drugs all of those secondary cramps go away and so this is a war on sex and we need to end the war on drugs and the war on sex and these problems will sell themselves in the free market so it’s going to happen New Hampshire you know get ready full medical benefits of cannabis right and I’m actually is for you I think what will happen is that is that is that the Cheeto person will get a reverse gangbang by a bunch of Tantra see the goddess and he will want to transform United States into one giant orgiastic goddess Temple to heal the planet from all the patriarchy that’s my that’s my vote I’m going to put that are you trying to turn me on now I try I try not to but sometimes I can’t help it it just happens thank you for that well yeah so we it’s been one of the most delightful hours of my life at sharing this time with you and I’d like to ask you now to give us the links to everything that you want to share and that you’re involved with and close this out with some final words calls-to-action slogans from the front lines whatever you like to share please take your time. Thank you it’s been an honor and I’m I’m I’m pretty sure my cheeks are going to hurt from smiling too so that’s as wot USA. O r g basically you where you can find me I just would like to do everything I can and vegetation Security building in Albuquerque beautiful thank you awesome alright I see well yeah let’s let’s call it a podcast and let’s be in touch and I will I will be in touch again very soon thank you so much and have a wonderful evening. Smiley and you’re coming over here thank you for listening to the touch upon podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition of sustaining and improving the podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Tantra Punk. Com Thomas Day

Solving Slutty Girl Problems with Lorrae Bradbury TPP102


Lorrae Bradbury PicIn this episode I’m joined by the illustrious sex blogger Lorrae Bradbury of Slutty Girl Problems. She shares her story of finding empowerment and support for her lifestyle of sexploration using social media platforms, a strategy that eventually led to her building successful sex blogging enterprise. We discuss many dimensions of cultural evolution around sexuality, love and relationships. She offers a vast array of practical tools and life hacks that help sexually adventurous folks break free from shame, ignorance, jealousy, boredom, and more.

Please check out her website at:

About Lorrae:

Lorrae Bradbury is the founder of Slutty Girl Problems, a website and brand empowering women to embrace their sexuality, without shame. She’s a also a writer, pug-cuddler, wanderlust-er, and festival hopper. Follow her adventures on Twitter and Instagram: @Lorraejo.

AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello Darrell Evans welcome to Tantra Punk podcast episode number 102 I’m here on Skype with Laura Bradbury the founder of sluttygirlproblems, which is an amazing sex blog and then I got to say I thought I knew a lot about sex and sexuality and all those the interplay in the modern world and I looked at her website and I seriously feel like I’ve been living under a rock so check it out and see what you’re missing and I hope we’re going to get a lot of new insight and fresh perspectives all from Luray now if you want to tell us about your background and how you became a sexuality thought leader after having me and I’ve always had an interest in sexuality as growing up I’ve always been curious about it and both professionally and personally wanted to learn how people thought about sexuality and thought I was in college I studied psychology and women’s studies and really wanted to focus on how young women are socialized to think about our sexuality we’re bombarded with so many different messages on about sexuality being shameful but it’s something we shouldn’t be talking about that we have to hide that we can’t tell our partner as what we desire and that if we are having sex I am working to be shamed and called a slut and judged for it so kind of growing up with all these messages about sexuality and having this steep interest to explore my own sexuality was really a conflicting for me because you want to be a good girl and you want to you know I’ll follow the rules but you have this yearning an urge to do something that’s so what are off the beaten path and Against the Grain and I started to come to this realization that it shouldn’t be it shouldn’t be against the grain it is really going with the grain because it’s our natural urge hits you know how everybody is want to connect with other people and it’s a big piece of emotional fulfillment whether it’s inside a relationship outside of a relationship I just be able to express that part of yourself so I started my website as initially a Twitter account when I was in college and I was just kind of anonymously talking about all the funny weird facts the awkward things that happen when you’re having sex when you’re having sex with strangers and commenting specifically shameful messages and trying to kind of eliminate them and tell women like it’s okay to be having these experiences I’m having them my friends are having them and hear the place where we can all talk about it and not feel so alone I’m starting to slowly chip away at that flexion and culture and connect with women all over the world who wanted to explore their sexuality to and we’re feeling like maybe they didn’t have an outlet to talk about it so when that started to grow I felt like I was just on to something and that women really do need a space to connect and learn more and feel empowered and their sexuality so I turned the Twitter account into my current website and started to create content that you’re able to really dive more into sexuality more than you can in the hundred forty characters that Twitter gives you that and it’s really a testament to how in this information age with all this technology anyone really with the passion can step up and become a thought leader and certainly you were addressing the most near and dear issue to most people’s hearts that there’s been such Silence about so again thank you so much for stepping up in that way and do you want to talk kind of give us the car audio tour if you will have your website and what people can be discovering there we really tried to cover the vast array of different sexualities so we have Sunny call and we have really end up guys and sex texts and we have pieces that are more political talking about women’s issues in women’s right but we try to cover everything from you know Kingston said tell you just how to do you know kind of basic sex techniques and sex position and then we even do like movie commentary pop culture commentary and we have until like different products and that might help to enhance your sex life and we even have like Community forum for people can ask her own questions and get and reader responses so if you need advice you can play right into our advice column or you can just ask Bella members on-site what they would do in your situation and so we really transgo uncover everything that young man and a young man come to our site to it’s not an old The Old Man and old woman come to our state to so it’s it’s not necessarily gender or age difference to buy anyone can come and learn more about sexuality and kind of diamonds anything but they want to explore awesome you act like I said I am I feel like dizzy from looking at it and there’s so much you’re so many resources there it’s I think one of the richest website experiences I’ve had in a long time and it’s well-designed so it’s really want your titles that goes wow these are these are the the sexploits of the usually hear men bragging about but from a proud and empowered female perspective it’s really exciting because yeah most people I guess they’re still trapped in shame or just fantasy really so to see this stuff all come to life in a place where it’s very well nested together there’s a lot of clickbait that’s really yeah healthy and and Valley will actually am one of my favorite projects that I’ve worked on was for another magazine and I interviewed women about their back sexual stories and Abby’s one-on-one interviews and women sharing kind of these intimate moments where some of them are like funny or a little risque like having sex in the back of a car or I’m having sex in the baseball Dugout or you know having sex with their professor and it was really cool to have women coming forward with these really exciting fun stories that show that it doesn’t have to be dressed in a relationship with your monogamous partner that it can be you know in the dungeon of a sex club and all of it is fine and all of it is great and all that is solid and and that is definitely what we aim to show so glad that is coming across to evolved Consciousness in a similar way as to what you’re doing I like to use the analogy that we have a you know a dietary appetite that’s pretty you know it’s pretty fast and we don’t want to eat the same we wouldn’t want to eat the same thing for every meal we wouldn’t want to eat at the same restaurant every time we eat out and we wouldn’t want to starve ourselves either so this honoring of the lower half of our bodies as needing nourishment that’s very spontaneous diverse Adventures fulfilling and healthy that this is really important so you really giving some avenues for people to explore do you want to talk more about some of your favorite content there you’re some some highlights in addition to what you just provided Som one of the things that were really focusing on moving forward and tet 2017 is talking about a lot of Rights issues that kind of relate around sexuality it’s not just women bright spot and things like birth control and equal pay but I’m talking about LGBT rights rights of sex workers and people in the media rights for people to be able to access like a portion and contraception and positive education so I’m we definitely been really concerned with some of the changes that are happening in policy and want to keep getting a retard not only information about that but Avenues where they can get involved and where they can sell to make a change and right there as senators and work on a state level to access the rights that they are entitled to a lot of that work which I am really excited about in the upcoming year as a way for us to get more involved in our communities and aside from that really just relates to our mission of wanting to provide information and get women and then the help and resources that they need to have healthy sex lives and if our own country and our own government isn’t able to provide that kind of sex education you know we’re not getting a grade sex education from our schools and we’re not getting it from porn so there needs to be somewhere in between can learn about it and realize that it’s not what’s in the movies and it’s not you know just hidden under sheets in the dark and light on that as well awesome I totally agree with you and all of those things and it seems like would you would you describe yourself as how would you describe your personal sexuality if you had to choose you know any of the words that are out there non-monogamous or open or are or single or whatever it might be I’m just curious cameras relationship monogamy has never really felt like quite the right fit for me and polyamory and exploring that has definitely felt like the the better fish so I’m really excited to you at explorer that now who knows if it’ll be a good fit in 5 or 10 years but try not to think that far ahead and I’ve always been very interested in exploring different Dynamics and you know power exchanges and a different Kinks and you know always been really open to try what I’m interested in or what my partner’s interested in and sometimes I end up not liking any of it and like all right I tried it once and I don’t want to but I think that’s a really exciting piece of your sexuality is that you can try it or not try it and learn some more about what turns you on what turns you off and then incorporate that into your relationship I think we’re really kind of scared sometimes to go outside the box and try something new whether it’s a new toy or like the more I think even people are concerned kind of dive into tantric sex for fear of being maybe two connected to their bodies or their partners and it’s so exciting it’s like our body is this playground that we have the keys to and we got to do whatever we want with it and give everything to try and I feel like why it why not why not oh and if I don’t like that ride I don’t have to ride it again awesome yeah that is very refreshing perspective and it’s it’s a I feel like I’ve been studying this new shift in generations and I feel like the gender binaries are dissolving and the relationship and classical marriage constraints or are just dissolving almost organically without a big fight like it didn’t take having to go to a bloody civil war with the Bible Belt states to get people in the urban cone still have rights although a lot of people have fought and died and been incarcerated and then shamed and lost their jobs and had their children taken away and all kinds of battles have been fought for sexual freedom and rights across the spectrum of you know queer queerness and all them all women’s rights for it to their bodies and so we’re sort of standing on the backs of giants you know we we look at like our parents generations and see so many unhappy marriages and someone else’s relationship and we don’t want that for ourselves so and it’s great to be able to create your own structure and hopefully that the world will kind of start to evolve as well and Port all different types of configurations for a little more so you’re you’re living the dream life a lot of people there are projecting themselves out of their primary partnership relationship to have fantasies that maybe we’ll never be for sale because their religion says it can’t be or their family on one or both sides has that it would be so shameful and so devastating and and it’s it’s really this bubble of fear around losing your property or giving up having some something be threatened and there’s just this whole fear of jealousy and the fear of the collapse of family structure because of Scandal but can you talk about how people are are designing their own paradigms and living in their own playground and figuring out how do you know make finances and family and in the domestic sphere actually function with with more diverse sexual relationships happening is that you know a family I don’t have a house and berries location independent so I’m I’m really at you know I work for myself though I’m very privileged in that way and don’t have to think about you know if I work for a conservative company and you know it had children that could you know cause like problems in a divorce what would it mean to come out as poly or bisexual and I think that those are all incredibly valid fears and concerns I especially like professionally if it’s going to impact your career I don’t think it should be that way I don’t think it should be an impact in your career at all but unfortunately right now so that would be going through that would be to come out where you can and come out where it’s safe to come out and find your community like within your larger Community there’s always resources online where you can find like meetup.com most major cities have a polyamory Meetup Group reaching the other people like you and it doesn’t have to be like in your workspace or in your immediate family are with your immediate friends if you’re concerned with destroy a relationship you can kind of explore that in the safety of these communities people that are already interested and are going to be that kind of safe haven for you so I think it’s a wonderful life especially if you’re not sure if this is something for you to meet other people learn about their experiences and get that one-on-one advice without having to make an announcement in your personal life before you really decided if that’s what you want that is great advice you will be cool to see people I mean sometimes that your people joke about okay maybe we can have a threesome honey on your birthday you know and then it’s like okay that’s that’s that’s reasonable to think of the box I know there’s also this Festival I believe it’s in Southern India where it’s kind of like a weekend of anything goes among his consenting adults sexuality and and you just see people go there like it says this this is beautiful and then people and families go to support their family members getting their freak on upside down and backwards however they want for that time and then it sort of I don’t want to say get it out of their system but it allows for that expression to be contained and held by the culture in a non-destructive and you know it’s not in the shadow it’s it’s celebrated but people also have to go back to their mundane reality for the most part 4 like that all the time even though I love having multiple partners that explore my sexuality I still have to work like everybody else so yeah and I think that that is really an incredible text Florida and somebody has an inkling or a desire to express that it’s definitely worth exploring and not you know we’re pressing because I feel like that’s something that kind of hurt you over time like maybe for a little bit you can you know keep going and not think about it but kind of knobs that your minds like I wish I had tried that I’m starting to be able to you know try all these things if you are in a monogamous commitment the further and further you get into a monogamous. I think it’s worth exploring it as soon as you have a desire to redo a little research find out how you can dive in and take those baby stop towards getting it realized awesome so you studied you did women study so I’m hearing in sensing that you have a strong feminist foundation and I’m curious if you could talk about how that that training informed your work and sexuality and what to what are maybe some of the The Cutting Edge philosophies and critiques that are coming out of the women’s movement so yeah I’m in ISM has always been a big part of my life since I discovered that I was 7 is before I knew what I was telling us was studying it academically and professionally at was a big help to my own journey of just understanding why women are in the space that they are and why men are in the space that they are and how it’s affecting all of us so negatively men as well and that those some tools that we can use to make up make that better I think one of the biggest pool that we have is just our voices which is been a big part of flooding problems for me is using that voice to get a sex-positive feminist a message out there so it really does influence my work in every way and wanting to help women and specifically wanting to help him in avoid the shame and stigma that I have felt around exploring my sexuality and and to come to a more enlightened understanding place about it and I just sent a huge huge part of my journey and my medicine and my personal passion so you know despite what men’s rights blogs and conservative media want you to believe feminism is having a huge movement right now it is a huge 3rd and young women are joining a fight that’s been going on for so long and I think transforming it to be more inclusive with intersectional feminism for so long women’s issues have kind of focused on you know upper middle-class white women and their issues you know for instance when there was a big push for women to be able to work underprivileged women have had to work the whole time that the fight wasn’t about that it was about privilege women and I think we’re starting to look more at an intersectional feminism and how feminism can help everyone not just the elite and getting more perspectives into their taking marginalized voices and focusing the conversation around them in their struggle and finding solutions that work for everyone not just a few I think that’s the new frontier of feminism right on yes something that I feel is a new dimension as people become more accepting of sluttygirlproblems or they figure out I had to transcend them and overcome them it really comes back to classical feminist concept of Sisterhood being powerful and in really actually creating the Sacred Space in the safe space for the what the witches were burned for was having knowledge and power and wisdom and spiritual power autonomy and they were able to throughout many cultures not just be oh you’re not you know you’re here you’re a widow or your husband beat you so much that you ran away and then you’re forced into total degradation and total other ization within the culture and Annette would tend to be the place where actual reweaving of women’s empowerment would would happen because in the absence of that oppression and tyranny of the Patriarchs they would actually we know figure out how to to work together to carve out a survival and and actually thrive in I’m wondering if you’re seeing more of a potential for women who are kind of dropping out or or or running away or Breaking Free from patriarchal marriage systems and you know patriarchal Dynamics with the boss with their bosses you don’t actually finding that with more permission to have more diverse sexual experiences in gratification is basically the potential for women to United have solidarity and to please each other sexually so there’s less seduction into you know being in service to men who were abusing them does that answer without being a technology that we have now and all the resources available at our disposal has given us so much more knowledge than we once did I mean before all you had to go by was your family and your friends and your partner and now if you’re going through a bad situation or just have a desire that you want to explore you can identify it you can go online and you can come find a community of other people so friends and people that were like gay or bisexual and might not even know that other people feel this way and I just want to there’s something wrong with that now have the internet and communities where they can go and find so many other people and obviously now we know that so many people have all different sexualities and I think it gives us a great way to connect an explorer that and definitely and the feminist movement I think there’s a patriarchal culture tried to create competition among women rather than a community of women and feminism is making big strides to be more inclusive and eliminate competition and Foster you know where all voices are heard and all perspectives are valid and more space for discussion and understanding that’s awesome you I could do you want to talk about maybe some examples of some positive case studies or just observations of how women are starting to transcend that that competitive mindset as I know it’s really so it can be so toxic and damaging and can be even more Insidious in certain ways than just telling me that the men are pretty easy to just get them to to kind of be setting to satisfy them they’ll pass out the leave you alone but if if women are fighting with each other it can be a real nightmare you know it when when women are using their powerful wits to cut each other down and to attack each other so yeah I need hopeful inspiring Transcendence stuff around that would be great to hear were socialized to slap shame other women even when were women ourselves and I think it’s something that you know our writers talk about that and you know we baby walking on the street and see a woman who is expressing herself through her dress and her actions and you have this little piece in the back of your mind that’s like what a slut and you shouldn’t be thinking that but like you have to kind of be aware and catch yourself and you know I’m guilty of it as well on Sand Evolution process for me personally to be mindful of my own thoughts and be mindful of how I’m treating other women and thinking about other women and I think personally I’ve come a long way and once you start being mindful of your own thought you can work to address them but if you don’t even know that you’re thinking that are you think that your thoughts are valid and you have nowhere to start so I think it’s an individual Journey for each person and that the more knowledge and awareness you have around that and the more you can work to address that so now you know when I see a woman expressing her sexuality if I have a friend that’s like she’s such a slow whatever girl she is so empowered she is enjoying herself she is having the night of her life she can remember this night forever like she’s having a blast like we do not need to touch her at all like she could have just went through a breakup she could have never had a relationship in her life and just wants to live it up when it is not our place to judge or I make a comment on that so I think if you are the kind of person that goes through being a little silently judgemental be aware of that and wonder why why do I have these thoughts are they productive is it coming from a place of insecurity is it coming from a place of fear or not understanding and it’s hard work to do on yourself but I’ve work to do it on myself and retrain those negative messages and it just helps me look at the world in a better way where I can support other women and their choices and not feel like I have to cut them down to make myself feel like I’m you know somehow Superior so I don’t know if that’s like a pig case study but I think everybody individually is kind of their own their own case study of introspection and trying to change their own you know perspective and value system and how they interact with the world beautiful yeah absolutely and that’s where quintessential spiritual practice self-knowledge and hacking your own will hacking the thought stream that is really not made up of your essence in a lot of cases it’s really programs that have been placed there by the dominant cultures Machinery in on that note that it’s it it’s a daily battle because as you’re fully aware he can be two steps forward and five steps back because you look at a billboard that makes you you no question your skin are your body or whatever it’s just an ongoing daily battle really so I noticed that you were pretty deep into studying the just pop culture from celebrities to start analyzing music and movies so do you want to talk about are there any what should we be hopeful for what should we be worried about in in the pop mainstream kind of culture in trying for so long there’s a lot of independent documentaries that are getting more attention on Netflix and Mike on TV and on the internet at there’s just a lot more. Getting out there about adult work adult workers rights and that industry which is really exciting on because obviously likes a lot of sex work is still illegal and you know the majority of it if not illegal is highly frowned upon when I think sex work is you know something that you know if I’m going to be critical. We have to examine it but certainly not just wash it all as bad so I think that polyamory sex work are kind of starting to come into the spotlight a little bit more and got more media attention more thoughtful documentaries and really excited to see that moving forward and change and kind of public perspective of alternative sexualities and I think especially with the younger generation helping them understand different configuration more so I definitely think the media is moving away from more traditional representations and becoming more diverse in the type of content that we consume that’s good to hear cuz I’ve been like I said I feel like I’m living under a rock and part of it is that I’ve been I’ve been I’ve been in Retreat mode from the mainstream pop culture it really feels like it’s you know that from violence and videogames to just the derogatory use of women and in a lot of the the more mainstream pouring and all that it’s it’s a celebrity kind of never-ending pageantry and popularity contest of just more shallow and less spiritual Pursuits it’s it’s been a big turn-off for me but that but I I I have seen also this positive trade in the morning dependent me the other cure saying it’s it’s feeding back into the the mainstream and they’re going to see the if sex cells then why not expand our concept of what it is because it’s so much more of a bigger Marketplace when you serve the underserved Market places within sexuality so I’m curious if you have you this is I think this will be the the most Paradigm shattering phenomenon if there were more pop music Divas who are writing about writing songs about the lifestyles that you’re describing have you have you discovered anything like that that I should be aware of it we should know about does a fairly have though I think we do have some great model already like Beyonce Rihanna I think are incredible models of kind of empowered sexuality and music I hopefully will see a lot more of it definitely I think the music industry it’s a lot harder to be an independent voice than this is I like wheat we have outlets for you know like journalism and for documentaries that are independent to kind of get out there but you know it’s a long way to go I think before it’s and mainstream movies and entertainment but to be honest I’m a bit and Retreat to from it I really turn into very mainstream I try to keep my media consumption two more empowering sources and interesting that you mentioned mainstream foreign as well because there’s a big movement now towards feminist porn and it’s not necessarily what it sounds like I think a lot of people when they hear feminist Forum think that it’s going to be like a romance novel but and I’m that the mission of feminist Warren is to have a show like active consent in the moment so a lot of hornets they just kind of like get to it and nobody talks about it and everything is on the table and it sets up the false expectation that when you have sex it’s like anything goes just do whatever and everything is going to be pleasurable in the woman is going to love it and you don’t even have to ask but I’m coming this morning showing like hey does it feel good like can I keep going like can I put it in your application of lube or like somebody being like that doesn’t feel quite right let’s change positions and I mean it doesn’t it’s not that I’m sexy and I’m still into like the normal sexuality like it’s still hot and when we do it in our own lives it’s still hot and in fact talking about it and what’s not makes it even better and those on this point it’s kind of restructuring that. Framework of how we view sex to make it a little bit more realistic and have a more realistic expectation of what to expect in socks without losing that hot sexy I can get a thing that so many people love about traditional mainstream porn estate in sentiment I’m in the world of transforming that Paradigm and came up for me which is a kind of classic feminist term about entitlement and it’s it’s a what porn is take porn is like entitlement on steroids if you think about what a man is trained to believe about that that narrative that that that unspoken Narrative of the mainstream porn kind of experience which is that a woman is just thrilled to be to be splayed out and to be used as like a rag doll for the Mills pleasure and just the idea of having that much attention from a dude is enough for her to just shut up and take it and that’s the thrill and that’s the right but really the reality is nobody even if you want to be humiliated they’re still negotiation and has to happen for that to be safe so earlier conversation and it’s no fun if a conversation is one-sided I guess you have this is this some kind of feel like this is a shopping spree or something I’m there so much background in so I guess something that that’s coming up that feels like it would be useful to two addresses just the inner dialogue around when you are in moments of intimacy with more than one person and you have there’s different Dynamics within that do you have some tips and strategies for helping both internally helping or figuring out how to kind of navigate in and not silence the voices of of jealousy or insecurity but actually you know massage them dance with them let them be Express somehow you know and and also to to Foster those skill sets in other people who are just beginning to integrate into that because that’s really another Frontiers how to get I think most people do fantasize about some form of group sex but the barrier to entry is their own what’s going on internally so wondering if you have good advice for all that are like for their birthday I actually a while I love the idea and spirit actually thinking practice and it doesn’t always work because you need to really talk about what you want out of it and what you don’t want out of it while you’re come you’re not and setting those boundaries of all of the partners in advance to make sure that it’s a happy experience for for everyone so for instance and like let’s say you had a male female female threesome I think that a lot of people try to you might want it to be all about the guy and just both girls kind of worshipping the guy or maybe it’s more about the two girls connecting with each other and I’m having exploring. Connection while the guy is kind of just more of an additional partner that’s there to support the setting up what you want that Dynamic to look like in advance and also let’s say you have a monogamous male female couple that wants to have a threesome with another female determine what do you feel comfortable with both Partners doing I think a lot of people think if you’re jumping into a group sex or three sons a couple swapping that everything just have to be on the table and end it doesn’t you can say you know that this is our first threesome and I’m okay with you no touching and making out and fingering and eating our hands a pleasure each other but you know let’s save penetration an oral sex until later when we’re more comfortable and just kind of have this amazing experience where you’re just rolling around with another person exploring your bodies and touching and enjoying each other and other ways and move up to those steps that feel a little bit more jealousy and juicing and a little bit more difficult because it is definitely hard to see your partner have sex with somebody else at first but it’s not something that you just want to dive into without talking about it and and I think it’s great to take those baby stats and especially when it comes to gel communication is just so important and reminding yourself and your partner how important you are to each other and that exploring somebody new doesn’t mean that there was something missing or wrong with you and that’s a big part of polyamory for me is I know who I am as a person my personality is actually and I’m very bold and open and express myself and my partners are never going to have someone with me that’s kind of like shy and passive and you know a little bit more demure and that kind of koi sexy I’m like your face kind of sexy tell myself like you know I want them to have that experience I want them to enjoy other other people other connections other types of interactions that I know that I can’t provide and it doesn’t mean that what I provided is invalid or wrong or not enough it’s I can’t be everything at once and in a way having that polyamorous connection is kind of a relief because I don’t have to worry about are they unhappy with me and my personality because they can’t get everything because they think they can go out and get everything with multiple people and it kind of takes the pressure off for you to be at your partner’s everything thank you so much for saying that yeah the the rewards outweigh the risks when done right for sure and it’s yeah it’s such a beautiful time to be exploring all this cuz like you said there’s three welders sluttygirlproblems. Com where you can get some Advanced Training and let you know something that came up while you’re speaking is just the idea that if you wanted to be doing Advanced martial arts techniques you would need to go through a system where you’re going to be initiated into higher levels and you can an easy example is karate going from a white belt to a black belt and what you’re talking about these you know getting to that point where there is more intense exit penetration in in in sharing it a more intimate and deeper level it would make sense to burn your way up to those Advanced stages by having gone through some pretty metered out process and something else that comes up is it to ask you about do you see that people are building the skill sets that they’re less dependent on getting shit-faced drunk to have liquid courage and beer goggles to have any fun and definitely I mean alcohol is a biggest way to kind of let go of inhibitions and quiet that voice that’s telling us that what we’re doing isn’t okay and you know it really tells us you know everything’s okay do whatever you want to rely on alcohol and definitely sucks is a lot more enjoyable when you can remember it after 2 support developing good boundaries not dissolving them with alcohol and then that’s another important Point why would you spend why would you go on vacation if you weren’t going to have any souvenirs if remembering it at all so it’s just wonderful so you know I’m deep in the the Tantra world where sometimes it goes to the extreme and people are I guess you could say well there’s a form of spiritual slut-shaming on in the world warriors were people are supposed to be exploring and opening up and incorporating the sexual energy into your spiritual practices there can be at another form of another layer of shaming people around being too sexy or to Abundant or whatever and end that’s a whole nother conversation book but 2 to bring it into a question for you I’m just curious what you were observing as far as peoples spiritual practice around sexuality with or without any words or Traditions attached to it but just for example I would say that whatever tradition you come from spiritually or whether you’re in a religious practice or and you have your own speaker practice that the common denominator that works well from my perspective and I’m curious to see if you would agree is that if you have a let’s say a relationship loving relationship with nature or the true gardening or hiking or meditating out and in nature and you have some connection to what you feel is the Divine loving energy of the cosmos however you name it then you were less dependent and needy and you’re less of a vampire to get the energy from one relationship partner who you think owes you the world and you’ll kill yourself if they betray You by having fun with anybody else like that’s kind of the curse that were in and so I’m wondering if you were yeah what are you what are you seeing is positive spiritual you know so I think that’s really important and that’s so interesting that you feel like an energy vampire because I feel like a lot of people do treat their partners that way that we expect our partners to be everything and everyone and you know there are Confidant there the person we hang out with their the person we go to on your side and it’s great to have all those things but it’s also really important to maintain your interest your hobbies your friendships your connections with other practices that you have whether it’s Hobbies Are Spiritual practices or simply connecting with yourself and I definitely feel like you not that were we aren’t all like whole all the time with ourselves like not happy with myself and you know it looking for that extra support but in general I think we need to be aware of it and ourselves for getting our needs Matt not expecting everybody else to get the mess for us which I think is also a big part of you know Polly for me is expressing myself and not expecting people to read my mind for what I want because it’s just not possible when you have multiple partners to expect him to read your mind giving with one partner that’s such an unrealistic expectation I think spiritually to if you’re in a spiritual practice I believe that you know your sexuality is just as much a part of you and ingrained in you as your personality and your spirituality so it’s definitely all connected and I’m bringing that Dynamic and being able to match them and is so powerful it’s not something I’m very good at all I want to learn more about and experience because I think it’s incredibly enlightening piece of sexuality for so many people to be able to channel and something greater than ourselves and that moment so let’s books more fucking yeah I let the let the new scriptures be written from the peaks of ecstasy in the bedroom what is God look like while you’re having an orgasm I feel like I know what that looks like but I want to hear what other people feel like I said I’ll have you know you say oh God oh God when you’re coming and all that but there’s a lot of brain research that says that you’re the same spiritual molecules are being released during Peak spiritual experiences by train meditators in caves who are celibate Masters in Same Love Making chemical so do a do you have what it what are some of your most ecstatic experiences if you care to share so actually I think I’ve only started to explore that very recently I think I previously in a big part of bloody girl problems for me was kind of this like anonymous Saks like one night stand hookup culture like drunken college thing and you know I’m moving past that in my life now and exploring new Dynamic so having this kind of connected experience of socks where it’s like it’s mind-body relationship connection is very very new for me and honestly has been and I’m a little bit scary to dive into because you’re so used to having this like purely physical experience and then you start to match that with like you’re at your loving tender emotions and it’s going to be more present in the moment and try to use the focus so much on just the physical sensation of sex which I think is definitely important but reminding myself like oh there’s a partner that is like doing this with me right now and like looking at them and reminding myself that like all I really like this person and like they like they’re having pleasure too and I’m trying to kind of get that connection more out of it so I think I think I have a lot of learning to do from from you and your podcast and I Tantra teachers to connect with that more it’s still a part of myself that needs a lot of work but I will add there’s plenty of there’s plenty of time for guy problems on my podcast so she could and it’s a lot of the same stuff just helping helping people and be present and be conscious and NB open to expanded Consciousness and really to bring your bring the issues in your personal life and relationships into the lovemaking ritual to literally incinerate them and sort of pressure cook them so that you can experience just pure Divine Bliss and once you start to attain that nectar of sexual spiritual enlightenment and you just want to go and write you start to think in love poetry in the people that you were criticizing you know in the end in the line at the the coffee shop becomes instead of criticizing people for what they’re wearing you you actually want to compliment them about it because you’re so full with joy that you can’t hold it in and I think that just you know whether or not you have a a guru who teaches you to repeat mantras thousands of times or you just sort of reverse engineer your own Bliss a lot of people are are are finding this it’s not necessary to to have really strict and rigorous expensive training but actually to Jimmy it is kind of what what do you have to get trained to do and most time trick Traditions is is actually shed the baggage of the culture which is like piling on all of these distractions and all of this sort of plaque in your mind that blocks out your the connection to Bliss that you had intrinsically before it was sort of beating out of you by the culture so you know ya all roads lead to the Ecstasy when you let him so cool will thank you again so much for your time I feel really just engorged with hope and in my heart is is just yeah it’s expanding to get to know that you’re really providing these great resources for people and then do you want to say some final words and closing and and also again plug the website and also your social media if you know all that good stuff and I’m so inspired to learn more about Tantra and you know it develop my journey I think we’re all on a journey so the more resources out there the better I so interested people are interested in checking out the resources on my site and he can find us at sluttygirlproblems. Com we’re also all over social media are Twitter and Instagram is bloody GRL Probz schroth on Tumblr and and within 2017 possibly launching a podcast or YouTube channel we’re still kind of working on that exploring how to do that so we can keep up-to-date on our website and I sign up for email list to get our weekly update and we share all of our best posts there so that we would love to have you I said all right well thank you so much have a wonderful day and we’ll be in touch take care. Country Park. Com can cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to see me and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess time for supper by Tycho logical employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email band at Tantra Punk. Com Thomas Day

Egoitis TPP09


tassalli_shamanThis is a spoken word recording of one of my “Holisticore” column entries in Profane Existence Magazine. I address the pathological state of “egoitis” where many modern/western people end up stuck for most of their adult life. It’s indicted as the cause of the failure of most of our relationships and the cause of our misery. It’s not an abstraction, it’s a living parasitic amalgamation that disempowers us when we think, speak and act unconsciously.

The Divine Goddess Created Our Species to be Homo Sexydelicus

In hyperspace all of my intellectual understandings of the feminine divine gush out of my normally linguistically confined cortex and flood my body as I dance naked to psytrance music at a thunderous volume.

All that tantric theory comes alive and I become the sacred dance of Shiva and Shakti. The god/goddess energies flow through my delicate fleshy human frame and it feels like every cell is writhing in orgasmic ecstasy.

Without entheogenic amplifiers that plug me into the transcendent currents of the earth and the cosmos, the visual fantasies I daydream about are fleeting abstract projections. But with them, the pineal juices flow and the third eye conducts an orchestra of orgiastic imagery not on the typical 2d screen of the minds eye, or even 3d, it’s multidimensional.

When I conjure up images of female beauty, I don’t just see frames of the center folds that the patriarchal culture has tried to sell me that flatten my experience and make me a consumer of an objectified product. I don’t have a thin and shallow lust for the culturally conditioned standard of beauty. I actually become the feminine divine. I shape shift into a curvy breasted being made of milk and honey.

I’m somewhat androgynous, about 25% gay, but not particularly fem, I just like the way it feels to engender the sacred union internally, which is the prerequisite to be achieved before hoping to create sacred union with a partner. It’s a fractal phenomenon, self-similar at all scales. Learn to balance the feminine and masculine within, then build outward with one or more others. The potential to consciously perform the balancing act of energies is what allows us humans to grace the predator/prey landscape of life on earth with magical divine co-creativity.

At one point of extreme trance dancing, I realized that having rented the Carmen Electra strip-tease workout video wasn’t just out of some giggly horny impulse. I actually like to dance that way, it feels great, it kills the toxic destructive male ego to stir up the feminine divine within. Without the need to be macho and constantly hold back the natural drive to be peacefully sensual, a man can know true freedom. Sacred sensual erotic dance is for everyone. In essense, it says to the divine feminine what Terence Mckenna said to the Mushroom as it came on to him, “Take me I’m yours, take me I’m yours.”

I think about how much psychic energy gets expended everyday in the world just to maintain homophobic masculine identities. What a tiring waste. In the movie Eyes Wide Shut, there’s a poignant scene where Tom Cruise is walking down the street at night kind of taking a weird dream-like tour of bizarre manifestations of human sexuality. At one point a mob of frat jocks walk by and verbally attack him in a frenzy of explicit homophobic hate speech. I see this a lot, because there is no healthy acceptable outlet for men to experience their femininity and explore their innate curiosities, they’re constantly frustrated and obsessed with verbalizing and visualizing aggressive homosexual acts with each other. They’re constantly accusing each other of wanting to engage in what they say is unthinkable, yet there they are thinking about it all the time.

Back to my own trip, I grew into liberated politics as a punk runaway that would go into the local all ages queer nightclub in Portland to avoid the curfew and be safe inside the strobe–lit, techno pounded walls until sun-up. There I was exposed to a vast array of genders and sexualities, all entraining to the beat, dancing and expressing a kaleidoscopic rainbow of divine masculine and feminine beauty. It was sexydelic and I loved it.

It was many years later as an anthropology student that I discovered the existence of the little known primate species called Bonobos. They’re pigmy chimps that make love not war. They resolve conflict and maintain peace and egalitarian social bonds by having non-reproductive intercourse across sexes, constantly. They’re also an extremely rare example of primate matriarchy. Through elaborate circles of sisterhood, they keep the male ego in check and never let the males believe that they can dominate. Males are meticulously trained to remain humble and respectful. It’s as if the females know instinctively that the male ego is a dangerous volatile force that has to be carefully managed to ensure the absence of violence and domination.

As obscure as they are in the primate world and in the collective consciousness of our culture, they just happen to be the most genetically similar to us of all the other primates.
We didn’t directly evolve from them, however it stands to reason that we evolved along similar paths. If you buy into the obsolete orthodox Darwinian evolutionary religion, you’d have to believe that Bonobos and humans arrived at their/our unique extra-reproductive sexual instincts by some errant genetic defect for which nature hasn’t had a reason to squeeze out of the gene pool. But I this is monkey shit. To help bury the idea that life forms are purely the result of purposeless random mutation, I like to reference an analogy I heard on a Tony Robbins tape once that went something like: to believe that there’s no intelligent creator of life is like believing that the Webster’s dictionary is the result of a random explosion at a print factory.

Entheogens provide the experiential percept, rather than the belief-based precept, that there is a divine force of creation, or many perhaps. Who/what/where-ever they/it/she/he is/are doesn’t matter to me as much as the fact that some form of organizing consciousness is actually pulling us forward into an ever more complex biological being that can experience ever more depth and texture of sensuality.

We’ve lost all of the defensive and offensive biological weapons and shields. We don’t have fangs, claws, spikes, venom, talons, etc. We don’t have an exoskeleton, we don’t have a shell, we can’t run very fast, we can’t see behind us, we can’t smell our enemies, or sense their vibrations, we can’t see all that well, we can barely even defend ourselves against the cold.

If we’re not here to fight or flee, what “f” word does that leave?

We are the naked ape. Why? Because somehow a few genes failed to switch on somewhere back down the evolutionary ladder, that’s definitely part of it, but not the whole story. There is always a dynamic dance going on between environment and consciousness, but in the case of humans, there is so much more going on. The rate of drastic change that led to our neo-cortex, our nervous system, our linguistic apparatus, simply does not compute within the temporal/mathematical framework of random mutation according to evolutionary theory. Our DNA was definitely a designer piece, somehow injected into the primate world.

Every culture on Earth is an attempt to explain this mystery. For most of human history, cultures embraced the mystery and approached it in a state of love and reverence, not fear and violence. One of my tantra teachers describes a rough dichotomy in human culture. He says that prior to a few thousand years ago, all human cultures were inherently tantric, they lived in a sensuous way, enjoying life through the body and connecting to the divine through it. Then as the patriarchal dominator culture emerged out of domestication and civilization, a new relationship to the body began to colonize to globe: asceticism, the denial of the body as divine, the living in the head, in the ego. As the male ego’s obsession with control lost its balance with femininity and nature, the body and all of its magical wonders became just a vehicle for reproduction and war to accumulate ever greater amounts of artificial power and wealth. Study eco-feminism to get the most complete story you can find on this shift, suffice it to say here that this tragic twist of fate has betrayed our nature, our biology, and our designer’s dream to make sweet love to all of us through our peaceful, bare, defenseless, goddess worshipping bodies.

Terence Mckenna wrote and spoke at length about how the shift from partnership to dominator cultures was also rooted in the loss of connection to sacred plant medicines which help to regulate and diminish the male ego. He also points out that with the systematic eradication of the shamanic meme, a pharmacological shift happened as well. We didn’t just lose the ethnobotanical leash on the male ego, the leash became a whip that aggravated it with the rise of alcohol, which has inflamed the male ego.

Where there are plants there is peace, where alcohol is poured there is war.

There are so many aspects of the true fall of man to explore. I just wanted to name a few.

The main point of this writing is not to focus too much on the causal chain of historic and prehistoric events, but rather to look at the end result.

The naked ape that was designed for peace and love is now dominated by an insidious reversion to the alpha male syndrome. This is not human nature, we haven’t always been at war, the primitive are not the savage, our hominid ancestors didn’t club women and drag them into caves by the hair.

We evolved beyond patriarchal primate behavior long ago, and developed co-operative, psychedelic, loving, ecstatic proliferating goddess worshipping cultures that had managed to live sustainably as gatherer/hunters in virtually every different type of terrestrial environment. In short, through the mechanisms of peace, love, and plants we were able to cooperatively adapt to diverse environments without the need to conquer and colonize. It was not our nature to become conquerors and colonizers as a species, but sadly the potential to revert to a dominator mode has always been latent in our DNA.

Now we’re horribly off course and have wasted so much imagination, creativity, ingenuity, and innovation not to further our connection to each other, the earth, and the stars as we had for so long, but to create an epigenetic de-evolutionary descent into battle mode.

This is not to say that there was never any violence or weapons or warriors, but in shamanic warrior cultures there were limits to the destructive urge, there were still councils of elders that regulated the individual and collective male egos. There was still a tantric paradigm. People still had spiritual connections to the land, to each other, and to their bodies so warfare was not just a game of kings to whom young men were just chess pawns, it was dare I say, sacred violence?

Anyway, it dawned on me one time as I got into my divine feminine psytrance dance, that we were evolved to be beautiful and vulnerable so that we can experience more in life than a constant game of cat and mouse between predator and prey. As I was dancing and feeling so infinitely sensual there alone in the dark, with amplified senses and perception I could see into other dimensions. I became aware of the looming presence of predatory hyper-beings who were rushing toward me like alien insectoid sea creatures. They could sense my shell-lessness, my sweet squishiness and they were intent on devouring me. I felt truly helpless, but as in all altered states, you have to get a grip and seal the fear valve quickly before you fall into a dark abyss or get dragged into one kicking and screaming. You have to morpho-generate pretty pictures of unicorns and rainbows and you’ll instantly evoke the goddess and she’ll be there to protect you and ward off all the evil spirits that would do you harm. It’s as if in hyperspace, you’re not seeing things that aren’t normally there, rather you’re seeing things that are always there. The hyper-beings that feast on and metabolize human psycho-kinetic energies come in many forms and can only be seen with certain psycho-microscopic lenses as Timothy Leary might say…

In the interdimensional ecology of hyperspace, some beings perceive and treat us the way western society perceives and treats livestock, some beings conduct painful experiments on us the way vivisectors do to lab animals, some of them are intrigued by us and welcome us as lost travelers and act as guides into other realms. Many of them love us and want to share our bodies and experience ecstasy with and through us. But to all of them, we must surrender and let go of the shadow self. A mind full of negative thoughts and emotions is like blood in shark infested waters, while a mind full of love is a like a seeping maple tree in a forest full of deer. The mystery of enlightenment is solved by becoming lighter and stripping away the scar tissue, the toxic residue, the thought viruses, the ego, the resentment, the hatred, the guilt, the shame, the fear and be nursed like a baby in the luminous ethereal omnipresent arms of the eternal/infinite feminine divine.

Coming back to “reality” it was very clear to me that to be naked apes is very dangerous. We had to take really good care of each other to survive for 200,000 years or more. We had become very close in our tribal relationships and relationships with plants, prey species, etc.. We are so fragile, so interdependent. We’re so incapable of surviving alone, we’d be dead in days or weeks without the constant love and care of the tribe. We’re as defenseless as worms, but in trading in our shells and claws, we received the gift of the most prolonged intense pleasure potential of any other form of life on earth. And we were given the gifts of our unique highly complex brains, and our hands, our linguistic apparatus, etc. We are here to love and create, not hate and destroy. It’s as if the scared male ego wants to use our creative capacity to turn everything into a claw or a shell. Either hide from his true loving nature, or beat it out of someone else.

What a shame.

Imagine what we’d have accomplished by now had we stayed Gaian minded, egalitarian, tantric, goddess worshiping. Imagine if all of the grand wonders of civilization were done in the name of the goddess. What would our largest structures and statues be shaped like? What depths of innerspace would we have explored? How many people would be in a “nuclear family”? How many sharp, toxic, and otherwise lethal objects and substances would there be to teach every child to fear? What would be the number one cause of death? What would high tech computers be made of, and what would they be used for? Would we fly with fighter jets or with levitation? Would we swim in nuclear submarines or as mermaids?

I subscribe to Terence Mckenna’s time wave theory which states that the universe is an engine of novelty that over ever shorter epochs of time produces ever more complex integrated biological and cultural forms and systems with peaks and valleys of novelty fractally positioned throughout. So there is a fundamental law of nature which is, in a dirty word, progress. As an anarcho-primitivist I always fought the idea of progress as an enemy but now I see that it’s not that simple because to me it’s perhaps one of the only undeniable laws of nature. So you can’t stop progress…but you can stop patriarchy.

Patriarchy and it’s perversion and diversion of primate evolution is what has thwarted Gaia’s project to advance our species from the warlord chimps to Homo Sexydelicus, the naked entheogen seeking biological sex machines that we were each born to be, when we are born to be wild.