In this episode I share the original Warrior Tantra introduction lecture from early 2017
My Non Verbatim Show Notes
Our relationship to violence is highly distorted, very unrealistic, we have the horrors of the battlefield in military conflicts throughout the world
secret hidden violence of fathers abuse children and spouses
violence in cartoon, video games
is a such a thing as healthy or sacred violence, expressed in martial arts around the world,
principles and ethics of defensive fighting, to defend self, land, family, way of life, community, is tempered with a feminine wisdom
the ideal for all militarys nation states, who have at least paid lip service to the idea that we’re not trying to be barbaric, colonize, conquer, might is right, warlord organized violence to build empires, supposedly in the modern world we’ve evolved past that ideology
beautiful martial arts systems, at their core essence pushing forward that ethic, appropriate violence, sacred violence, not be abused for one’s own self gain
most spiritual traditions, discipline, being a warrior is different from being a soldier, being a defender of a culture, of your people, hoping will evolve to all people and all life
to be a spiritual warrior is to overcome racism, sexism, homophobia, borders and boxes, unnecessary antagony between lifestyles, regions, histories
many of the would be warriors, who have been trained to be soldiers now are fighting battles that are rooted in old paradigms of thinking where there was much less expansion of consciousness around love and acceptance and compassion, this is all the great spiritual battle that’s taking place all over the globe, for 1000s of years, impulse to create peaceful harmonious regenerative communities that are not expansionist, striving to maintain ecological balance, and the cultures using violence to conquer, colonize, take land by force, rape and pillage
the call to action for this brand, a lifestyle, an upgrade to both being a martial artists and being a tantrika to be practicing warrior tantra,
I’m hear to open up a discourse to merge sacred sexuality with sacred violence, I’m not a guru, I’m not going to have all the answers for everyone on their individual path
but what I will do with my training and my knowledge is to create a space where we acknowledge that the dimensions of combat and warfare are beyond our physical bodies
it goes into our emotional space, our intellectual space, our sexual space, many dimensions where we can be attacked so it is only reasonable, logical, sensible, to develop defensive tactics in all areas of our life
violation is very complex, and we can be violated through sound waves going into our ears, from light beams going into our eyes, wounds from physical violence that heal faster and more complete than wounds from sexual violence, it’s a continuum, and there’s multi dimensions
what you may or may not find in a martial arts studio or training system would be some of the more spiritual components that you would find in tantra or sacred sexuality where you’re creating boundaries and owning your space, on multi dimensional levels and mastering arts for self preservation and protection, in multiple dimensions of your being
there are places where you can go and learn how to be a better lover, be a master of your inner emotional state, spiritual trainings and traditions, sexual mastery wisdom traditions, and there are places where you can study the arts of defending the body, using weapons, blades, sticks, firearms, your own bodies natural weapons, in the original what I would say is the roots of tantra, these two, now polarized, are you a lover or a fighter, in the early days you were both, people were less dependent on military, state, government, police force, systems, people had to defend themselves and their community on a daily basis and it was really all down to earth
the arts of loving, the arts of fighting, all very deeply intertwined, every person was included in some of the earliest forms of martial arts training, this is what I believe we can restore is a very localized systems for teaching sacred sexuality and teaching self defense and martial arts, bringing it all together
self love self esteem, really the core of it all
it’s a positive feedback loop, a positive upward spiral of self love, conditioning your connection to the divine loving yourself more and more, having the physical confidence of training so that you can defend yourself in all kinds of battlefields, seen and unseen
defend your sacred self love and your integrity, bodily integrity, sexual integrity
the sanctity of the boundaries of your body image itself, we’re being attacked in so many ways, always attempting from billboards to boyfriends, to girlfriends to all the kinds of porn, you can develop a sense that these negative assaults on your divine self loving sense of perfection as you are, they’re attacking and corroding that inner essence of self acceptance and love and beauty
you could be a really good mma fighter or boxer or combat soldier and still have a brokenness inside that makes you susceptible to false leaders and fighting for the wrong reasons, its really an opportunity to balance those aspects and build a foundation of deep powerful, timeless eternal self love that will radiate a defensive field around you
through physical combative training and physical conditioning, combined with the spiritual, emotional, sexual defensive training and conditioning I can speak from experience I’ve had to defend myself in mortal combat scenarios, I had to fight for my life when I lived on the street, there were times, other compromised circumstance, I can speak from that experience of being a warrior on the street, and also as a survivor of abuse I’ve had to
escape kidnappings, escape from arrests when I was sometimes an outlaw, I’m here to help people avert those catastrophes
you should never have to defend your body from a lethal attack, and you should never have to defend your body from a sexual attack, I’ve done both, I’ve survived both and sometimes in the same context
we live in threatening world
if we have system of self defense that evolves and understands that new threats are emerging everyday, the martial arts systems that were developed 100s if not 1000s of years ago
in some of the tantric scriptures it was very explicitly warned that we were approaching a time where the threats of sexual violation by men are going to increase, by horrific, on a mass scale
the corruptibility of male sexuality by in very clear terms, its a state of possession
whatever scientific faith you wna tto have about whether or not the demonic realm and demonic entities and species are real or not real, that’s optional
I’m not going to impose any belief system around where these forms of sexual violence are coming from, but it’s just a matter of doing a bit of research on the data, that we are in a world that is more threatening to women and children than ever, on a mass scale
the most intrusive vector of these patterns of violence, it was television, now its the internet, its the effect of high speed internet pornography, is the bleeding edge of what in the hindu tantric scriptures, the sort of prophecies about this time, they didn’t predict the internet, the development of photography, cameras, films, but I dare say they would not be surprised that the intentions of the entities that they had been in combat with spiritually, that they wrote great epic scriptures and mythologies about, the need to have a spiritual warrior practice to defend against the entities that are hell bent on making hell on earth mainly through every form of violation imaginable
they are understood to be very creative, and merciless
and you see that in the porn that people are addicted to, that young boys are being initiated into as their default sexual education
it’s a very horrific, systematic, fracturing corruption of male sexuality, and the stats on abuse are just staggering
its propagating and spreading like a virus
the need for women and children to be trained in practical self defense and I say more importantly in practical self defense than in martial arts systems that were designed for a different era
they came from a different place and different time where the the threats were different
so my point is to say that, new adaptations of the martial sciences have got to be designed to meet the threats of the modern era
the idea that we were gonna be inundated with demons, hell on earth, infecting men, women have to take up arms to defend themselves and their children against these men, I call them rape zombies
the horror stories I hear from just people in the dating world, something is off, the men seem to be glazed over, hollowed out, and the shit that comes out of their mouth
and the acts they attempt to conduct in the bedroom, the psychology of date rape
that’s where we’re dealing with, these hollowed out shells of young men, and old men, who, in the tantric terminology, their heart chakras have been shut down in encrusted, not just blocked, but actually strategically infested and debilitated, by real trans-dimensional biological entities that are not necessarily transmitting through the tv set, this the great leap, until we have the science to prove it
you can compare my statements to your own personal experience, talk to women who’ve been abused, anyone who’s a survivor, who’s had to stare down that hollow, unloving, uncompassionate, manipulative, psychopathic, sociopathic, gaze of a predator
anyone who’s had that experience will most likely help people who haven’t had that experience, and help the perpetrators of these crimes understand that they have been hacked
whether from watching porn, or watching violent movies, or watching violence going on around them, its not that the demons jump through the television set, or through the screen from porn, it’s that we’re all vibration, we’re all frequency and vibration, in the unseen surrounds of our physical environment, physical body, potentially infinite overlapping dimensions where non human intelligent entities are always attempting to take up space in our energy field, thereby become parasites, and extract our energy in order to feed themselves and their families, live in their parellel dimension, sucking our energy from us, and I don’t like to use the words holy and unholy, but in order to be a defender of your body temple, and effectively protect those who are most at risk of sexual violation
there are skills and art forms designed by the tantrics 1000s of years ago to buffer those influences from the underworld, if you want to use a classic shamanic term
although its not technically below us, its not below the floor, it’s not down there per se, we’re in a soup of beings all around us at all times
if we engage in practices of self purification then we become less susceptible to the penetration and influence of all different types of being that are just swimming around us on or in the astral plane
the tactics of self defense, if in order to defend yourself you had to understand at all times there are intelligent parasitic entities floating around all of us, there are places where their ability to perforate and puncture our auric field our energetic shield, that’s around our body, it can be trained and conditioned and developed to be less penetrable
obviously if you just do an experiment and go down to the local dive singles bar, and you do some practices of meditation to attune yourself to your own energy field, you can start to sense attacks from people’s eyes, from people’s words, from billboards, messages all around you, its more than meets the eye
what’s happening is when you react to people places and things around you you consciously or unconsciously shift your vibration in that shifting of vibration you are then potentially susceptible to these attacks
they always say, dress warm in winter because you’ll catch a cold, it’s not actually that your temperature will give you the cold, its that the cold viruses are all over you and all over the place everywhere and your immune system, when it’s not compromised by your body being cold, it has the power to just continually fight off all those attacks, and you don’t even know it you’re just happy and healthy and you’re not sick you don’t have a cold, but the cold viruses are all over you, and what it is that protects you is the health of your immune system
if you drink alcohol, your immune system is being debilitated by your drunkenness
the point is that to walk through this world as a spiritual sexual warrior you have got to own and love your space and develop that fine tuned awareness of what causes you to compromise your sexual spiritual auric immune system
if you have a strong sense of purpose and you have a strong connection to the earth and to the divine, however you structure that from whatever tradition, you will become practically immune to all forms of attack, most forms of attack occur when your energy is skewed
a lot of women who get repeatedly raped and end up in repeated abusive relationships, when they’re questioned and speak honestly about these patterns, there’s a really sort of self destructive, self sabotaging urge to just be put out of the misery of existence, and so just falling into every trap, falling into ever more cascading emotional, physical, sexual violence its heart break to watch those patterns unfold for people
you can’t just put a gun in their hands, or even just teaching them physical combatives, although when a woman shoots a fire arm, something magical happens, that’s goddesses’ honest truth, there is a beauty in that experience of for the first time and I speak as a survivor, the first time being able to feel like, wow, there is a range of defensiblity of my body temple that doesn’t depend on my physical size, it’s the great equalizer
this program of training, is going to address all of these ranges of attack, classically in martial arts you have close range, mid range, far range different words in different systems, for example if someone’s approaching you, a side kick to the knee is what Bruce Lee would say, the longest weapon to the nearest target, you wouldn’t wait to elbow them, appropriate distance would be throwing out that kick
a billboard is one form of attack, a billboard presents a body image that is an unrealistic ideal that would require plastic surgery, enhancements, or reduction or whatever, hyper representation of physiques, just not representative of average people, that’s a form of an attack
on all genders, all genders are kept in this constant inner battle of whether they’re going to be loved based on how their body looks, and whether they’re going to be successful in world of power and money and wealth based on how symmetrical their facial features are, what their voice sounds like, things that are superficial, its difficult for most people to measure up to those so called standards
to be a warrior against being punched in the gut by the site of somebody you think is more attractive than you, to be set off course and out of balance, its an attack that will leave you open and then susceptible
that feeling can lead to you going to the bar, having a drink because you don’t feel good about yourself, and then you wake up the next day in a hospital because your drink got rufeed, or whatever, stories of compromise they all cascade and get worse, the more abuse anyone experiences, the less power they have to stand up and rebuild that protective auric shield around all these negative influences
worst of all, there’s all these ranges, all these avenues of attack coming at us from the external world, but the real curse is when they get internalized, and they become voices in our own heads, and we start to listen to what we think is our own, multifaceted self
you see someone walking down the street talking to themselves and their crazy, meanwhile whether or not you move your lips or make sounds, if you’re having a dialog with yourself when you look at the mirror, or you do something that makes you feel stupid, that you should be embarrassed about, instantly their comes the voice which not always is the most friendly voice and is sometimes your worse enemy
the world I want to live in is world of rape free zones
conditions that are conducive to rape are studied and analyzed and designed against
I would love to see a feminist revolution that takes all the weapons, power, land education systems, everything back from the patriarchal power structure with a swiftness, an abrupt insurrectionary uprising of women who organize together in sex strikes, and build new nations with new boundaries and reclaim the maternal birthright of really meticulously designing male egos that are in service to the earth and the elder councils of women who they adore and fear as all boys feared the wrath of their mother, doesn’t get much simpler than that
the distorted relationship we have with organized male violence, from street gangs to the mafia, every single cult of violence that men have organized and lead, only exist because mothers have been prohibited from sustaining a nature prehistoric tendency to collectively design how they want male aggressive energy to flow through their designed social ecosystem
its a horrible perversion of force on this earth for their to be male violence of any kind that is not guided by the wisdom of priestesses and elder women who are sustaining traditions of goddess worship that connect every bodies mind body spirit and sexuality to the divine wisdom that is feminine, is compassionate and nurturing
it is possible that every act of sexual conduct that a male engages in in his entire life time could be absolutely a blissful meditation
imagine that boys and young men and young adults and elder men, all lived with the same fear and humility towards all women and the divine feminine, never having been allowed to develop a self serving ego, and being kept in a constant state of bowing and being in prostration to that feminine power, as the superior and highest supreme power that’s what the schools of tantra that we’re drawing from in this warrior tantra program are all about and its my pretty well studied opinion is that every problem we’re facing in the history of the planet is the result of the perversion of that power dynamic
I don’t know a lot of female rapists or child abusers
I don’t know a lot of women who are designing weapons of mass destruction or cutting down trees on a mass scale, these are all symptoms of a power structure that has been hijacked not by the sacred masculine but by the toxic masculine
that if not kept in prostration to the divine feminine, will become a horrific evil menace to all life on earth
its the stories the mythologies, the cursing of women through religions that have feared women in the wrong way, there is a good way to fear women and the divine feminine, fearing that you won’t have the stamina to please them fully, that should be the primary fear
the way to solve that fear is to train your nervous system to be able to hold and embrace ever more powerful waves of divine feminine sexual energy, the kundalini shakti energy
that is the task of men, to be in prostration and in fear of the goddess in a manner that makes them want to put down axe, put down sword, grab your cock, with guidance of elders from long standing traditions, how to become a god, a peaceful loving, compassionate, gentle, caring earth worshiping, goddess worshiping powerful warrior who is capable of conducting defensive violence among many other things, but at the beginning and end of the day you’re there to kiss the feet of the mother goddess in all her forms, we’re a long way from there being positive peer pressure between men to be a better love, a more dutiful lover, a more prostrate lover
there was a time when all the cool people we’re doing it, the in crowd was doing it, goddess worship, prostration to the divine feminine, the glory to be accessed by ritual love making, where the impulse to harm and to rape and abuse was so well buffered so that a woman could trust that while making love to a man she was making love to the divine masculine aspect, that he has ritual invoked and through his practice of goddess worship he is essentially earning the access to be able to be possessed by the divine feminine energy so a woman can feel safe because she’s in the vibration of the goddess that has been invoked ritually by her lover
don’t have to believe any of this spirituality, any of these esoteric principles, we could all be starting from scratch
if every spiritual book instantly disappeared from the planet and we all just had the world we’re living in now, the technology systems, the political systems, erased all the mythology, if we had to start from scratch its a very simple reboot
the men who are careless recklessly unconsciously taking and not giving with their primordial sexual drives, if their in the reptilian brain with the remorselessness of that lower level of animal instinct, there are other animals that are compassionate, that are loving, it’s not just to say that humans are compassionate and all animals are below us
within all of our neuro anatomy, there’s a potential to devolved into an uncompassionate, self serving, sociopathic mode,
we have to acknowledge that in this modern world, it’s gotten worse, this tendency for males to conduct themselves in an uncompassionate way, it’s being rewarded, by media, by male peers, by the law in lot of places still, women as property and rape toy,
some places in the world where it’s safer to not be married because if you’re unmarried and you’re raped you can press charges but if you’re married you’ve joined a rape contract and you’ve signed up for it, so most likely you’ll be prosecuted
the world is extremely warped and the violence that’s being done on every level is all coming back to that fundamental distortion of the relationship to the human mother and the divine mother, circumcision
lack of breast feeding you so the hostility of men against women, nature, and animals, it’s very systematically built into most of the males walking the earth today, those who’ve been circumcised, those who have been deprived of on demand breast feeding, they are the enemies of life on earth, and for a reason, if you were an intelligent demon lord who wanted to come to earth and figure out how to make the most pain and suffering for all of life and really make a game show or a casino out of watching the misery unfold, the debauchery and hellish extreme violence, the raping of infants in places in Africa where there’s a mythology that they are less likely to have HIV/AIDs so they’re preyed upon in horrific cults of infant rape
female genital mutilation, all of these sores, all of the abuse happening on native american reservations, extremely high rate of alcoholism and these clusters of child sexual abuse where public officials come into work in government office job, and complain about how their child bit their penis while they were engaged in routine servicing
it is a very designed hell on earth that we live in and the forces that we’re up against, they don’t, in my experience they don’t respond to treatment with pharmaceutical drugs, with bibles, with exorcists, in my experience, my personal experience and in my studies, what we’re up against, what we’re doing with is such a merciless insidious force from the darkest pits of creation, its should be no surprise that in tantra the supreme goddess deities are the warrior goddesses the one’s who’ve adapted to address the ever evolving strategies of the demonic realm
mythology of kali and durga main warrior goddesses par excellence, there’s a lot of symbology there, a lot to read between the lines
and if none of this spiritual language works for you, watching this, there’s an even simpler frame of reference which is bonobos and chimpanzees, that’s a whole new mythology where if we had to scrap every spiritual text, every wisdom tradition, go observe behavior of chimps and bonobos, very close primate cousins, we happen to have more in common with bonobos than chimps, on dna level
however more exposure and contact and study was done with the chimps so they became the model to justify patriarchal violence and rape
I speak with boldness and confidence about my personal revelations about who and what is running the show of sexual patriarchal violence on earth, and who really owns this casino, who really owns this rape culture, it’s not the best attempt humans have made to figure out how to get along, and to share resources and to love each other and make love to each other, this is not the pinnacle of our consciousness around power and gender and sexuality,we’re living in the mass global entertainment driven patriarchal paradigm, it’s not progressive
you could say there’s more empowered roles for women in cinema, more queer roles, all that is a step in the right direction, towards our primal mode of loving, acceptance, equality, egalitarianism
In this episode I’m joined by the illustrious and alluring Ravyn Ryder, a highly accomplished guidess of so many things pleasurable, shamanic, entrepreneurial and much more. In this episode we do a bit of an experiment whereby I volunteer to help beta test her innovative therapeutic modality involving eroticized hypnosis for healing. We catch up a bit on her endeavors, commiserate about the need for healers to do self-care, then she facilitates my opening up about deep childhood trauma, ill-fated sexual initiations, negative hard wiring through early stages of masturbation, how I may be able to use hypnosis techniques to re-parent myself retroactively, and much more.
This was a bit of a preliminary session in that it was mostly for me to open up to her so that should could take my input and go back to her alchemical laboratory formulate a program customized for my exact needs. So this is technically part one of what may be a multi-part series where she demonstrates the scope of her offering. I, of course am thrilled and honored to be blessed with this opportunity to be a part of her creative evolution, and I’ve been wanting to explore the hypnosis field much more as my experience has been minimal to date.
The hope is that our spelunking the sexual underworld and taking a proactive and constructive approach to confronting the collective subconsciousness of rape culture will lead to healing and transformation for all victims, perpetrators, and the future generations.
Ravyn Ryder is an Erotic Artist, Writer, and Sensual Educator. She has worked in the past professionally with men, women and couples as a Sensual Bodyworker, Dakini, Dominatrix, Courtesan and Long-Term Companion.
She is the creatrix of Body Ryding®, a sensual massage training sequence used to empower women by teaching erotic body slides, full body massage and the art of seduction.
She is a trained Tantric Educator and is a certified Practitioner and Trainer in the Art of Bondassage®. She has studied Swedish, Thai, Lomi Lomi, and Tantric massage with amazing healers all over the world.
She has worked with Shaman’s in Central and South America doing entheogenic medicine work in constant pursuit of personal growth and eager humbleness to learn more about the divine inner and outer universe. She has just recently returned from a 4 month stint in Central America and with a desire to shed light on both the beautiful and ugly complexities of healing with plant medicines, she is working on her first novel—an intimate memoir of her recent experience.
She has a degree in Behavioral Science with a minor in Marketing. She is a certified Life Coach, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Practitioner and is trained in Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Along with bodywork and training, she offers personal coaching to men, women and couples desiring to cultivate more pleasure in their lives.
Happy Valentines Day!
This episode is the audio track from the Holistic Sexual Health instructional video featuring Alexandria Baker. We geek out on best practices for sexual health from a holistic perspective. We address the fundamentals of protecting your body temple from sexually transmitted infections, ethical disclosure and management of persistent infections, safer alternative approaches to “hooking up”, and much more!
Here is an info graphic that helps illustrate my approach to love and relationships:
She’s a southern California sex educator, Hatha yoga instructor, ethical luxurious natural beauty and skin care entrepreneur, model, and performance artist.
Please visit Alexandria’s website and Youtube channel at:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear beloved Smoke on the township on podcast episode number 185 I’m doing an episode to commemorate Valentine’s Day I have a the audio track from a video that I did with alexandrea Foxcroft and it is to sex Geeks talking about how to have holistic Sexual Health considering many factors of what’s going on on the surface of the virology of sexually transmitted infections and also the psychology of relationships and the building of intimacy and various stages that can help help to prevent disease and unwanted attachments and really it’s it’s based off of something that I’ve called the spiral of intimacy in the past and I will include the graphic in the the episode pages is a graphic that I like to use to give people more opportunity to think out of the think out of the box when it comes to do the bedroom in really how to protect your body Temple how to be smart and safe and have a safe and sane Valentine’s Day so hope you enjoy it on this day do you want to talk about what now what are some of the standard kind of approaches to teaching safer sex practices it’s been in my life evolved since the real big HIV early days and you know now we have these superbugs that are you know antibiotic-resistant and so there’s a whole new threat landscape that I need to be educated about so yeah wait what are you what are some some basics from the field so I grew up in a private school and semi-synthetic sex education was very minimal it was taught in a class called marriage and family and it was pretty much one day of if you have unprotected sex you are exposing yourself to the risk of Gonorrhea chlamydia herpes HIV and the emotional distress that will come from knowing that you had sex outside of the Sacred vows of marriage and we didn’t get that education on what to do to prevent STDs or STIs and fortunately in public school systems many across the country they do give an overview of okay if you you if you were going to choose to have sex here is hot what you can do to stay safe this is a condom this is how you put it on using some sort of genital proxy like I like a banana or maybe eat something that’s in another thing that’s in the shape of a penis so that you can see how you unroll it and put it on and I didn’t have that education myself this is just from talking to friends and talk and text for its how this is what what these classes are like but we still don’t discuss what pleasure is and how to have an experience that is beneficial and positive for all parties involved and so that’s where I would like to see our next step of sex education come in and very infrequently do we talked about oral barriers which are just as important as using condoms for men and condoms for vaginas and these are important components to bring into the sexual conversation so that we can stay safe and stay healthy even have pleasure while doing it and yeah we love that so that’s that’s really important and I would love to shift the conversation from when you get an STD this is bad you did something that’s wrong too things happen I get colds I’m sure you’ve had the flu before it’s an illness and with a lot of these STDs and STIs you can take an antibiotic get a shot we had medication that allows you to live a life that’s fairly normal or very close to normal if not just as normal as before you were diagnosed with this STD or STI and so it’s not this horrible life ending thing and to pull back on that shame in that stigma will be fantastic and that also comes from being more comfortable with talking about it and be more comfortable talking about it with friends or with Partners or people that you’re thinking of having sex with just to normalize that dialogue more and start talking about condoms and start talking about the different kinds of protection that you’ll use and it can even be discussed in a sexy way like I’ve certainly had a bit of metal for play with talking about okay play well all by my favorite kinds of condom and you buy your favorite kind of condom and we’ll see what feels better and we’ll see what we like that’s like that it can be a little PC thing definitely definitely won’t I feel like this is the the kind of attitude approach this really a valley re-evaluating and really honoring the gift that condoms are you know in history of the world I can commiserate with the masculine perspective that it can sometimes make it can sometimes interrupt cycles of arousal and make make arousal difficult to achieve or to sustain that usually affecting people as they get a little bit older and it’s not so much of a big deal younger but then you know there’s a million excuses for why people want to be inconsistent in their their practices which is where you get in trouble you know is is to make poor decisions and so there’s that there’s that potential issue is also just the idea some people say wearing a condom is like wearing a ring gear in the shower you know that me and this bring out some of the heating stuff at Big O’s on and there’s excuse excuses and this is what I want to say and talk to you about a little bit so I see fluid bonded partnership which is the I think the a sweet and sexy but also clinically kind of accurate way to see if you’re not using a barrier than your fluids are coming into contact him and you’re being bonded it at a deep level there and so it also lends that concept of like well you should be very spiritually bonded and very ethically bonded with whoever you were fluid bonded with because there’s a high level of trust and responsibility that goes with that so this is kind of something to a line of thinking like that you know what process with you yeah which is that a lot of people don’t really preserve they don’t hold their sexual health is very precious and obviously if you get drunk and you’re blocked out then even if you did hold a precious Steven capacity to having a sloppy sex with people while you blacked out so what I would love to see people have is this a deal that being fluid bonding with with one or more persons is a very sacred very precious very requires a lot of trust and a lot of Integrity to hold to hold that title because if you have that title with someone and they expect a high level of discipline and integrity going both ways you know you can’t if you were to share that food botanist with too many people at once that don’t have integrity then you end up reaching the purpose of having that bond in the first place you know what you say and you may have you met both have the same status of the same can you may both have HIV and they both have different forms of you know HPV or HSV and you can look up the alphabet soup if you don’t know it later but being fluid bonded doesn’t just mean that you’re afraid of everyone else and you’re never going to have sex with you when I was cuz I cure the you managed to avoid all temptation and now you have the Slate clean you know slate to work with that’s one reason to have that I do want to hold on to it or it could be the you that you both know that you are carrying something and you would feel better about not exposing other people to it and feel better about just having that openness with each other and that was another another aspect of it but to a question for you from this line of thinking it would be how how would you possibly help people get to a point where they say themselves I’m going to be hyper-vigilant about barrier protection with strangers and people who I don’t know and trust and I’m going to sample and experiment and explore the world and and have fun out there at parties and you know wherever out in the wild you know get the freak on and have your fun while doing it every pleasure while doing it but having that consistent barrier practice them and knowing you put gloves on at the cellar bar and I think at home you take the clothes I do get what you’re saying and if I’m hearing you correctly from your point of view it’s like if you want to go out and be freaky and have fun like that at sex exploration do it be safe without it be smart use protection and in that relationship where you are more committed and you know each other sexual histories and you’ve had that discussion so that you are aware of the risks involved you can remove this barrier so that you can reap the rewards of having sex without needing to use a condom and I am very much of the camp that when you have sex with someone especially when you are fluid bonding having sex without barriers you are establishing a spiritual connection you are allowing yourself to enter their energetic fields and exchange that energy and receive their energy and give your energy and to do that I like to have a sense of who that person is and what they bringing with him and giving to me so that I can share with them something that’s really important and sacred to me which is my my Sexual Energy I find that exchanged very sacred and very important and with the reward of having really good fulfilling sex with someone that I trust and I have that intimacy with also comes the risk of potential pregnancy with certain people or potentially getting a venereal disease and that’s why it’s really important when you decide to remove the barriers to already have that trust and that knowledge established like getting STD tests had that conversation allow that to be part of your practice with your partner so that you know what you’re getting into and you know it you’re potentially exposing yourself to and if you have the same as to DS I said is that something that you to decide consciously together and if you wish to go out into the greater world you have that at the Clone Wars fonts ability to keep your fellow man safe fellow men women however you identify safe because we’re all in this together and we can slow down prevent the spread of diseases with that conscious awareness of okay I am getting into a situation that’s the heating up is feeling sexy I can either choose to be protected not have sex or run the risk of exposing myself and my partner’s to whatever it is that I carrier they carry and you know that with watching this you you’re you’re making yourself aware of this and I hope that you can continue this conversation so that we can break down the stigma of these conversations that might be awkward at this point but make him a little less awkward when talking to your friends about it talk to your family about it was that you who you can have these conversations within we can normalize it so that we can be healthier for ethical sexy people awesome yeah I feel like there’s this pattern of young guys in the locker room talking about getting the first base and second base third base and see if along that line of thinking is if it could be more more of the idea what to say that there is a hit if unprotected an unprotected is not as of the Food Lion has more positive sounding and unprotected sex like a scary and dangerous it invokes that that energy of fear but the I think we all know that it’s a hindrance to use condoms but there is a cost-benefit and a risk-reward algorithm you have to run in your mind the pros and cons with any person anytime and if if the real gift if the greater gift you could give to someone else is the gift of your body skin to skin contact all the way a hundred percent you know with the potential of conception being even there it’s it’s a that’s the real that the Deep this the greatest gift you can offer like you were saying if you’re going to share that it’s not going to be frivolous you’re going to guard that and really be measured about who you share that with and so it’s I guess the point I’m I’m feeling here is just that it’s a lower Stakes proposition to say to somebody that you might be interested and say hey I don’t know if I want to inherit all of your karma all of your jeans all of the diseases you may have that you know about or don’t know about so why don’t we start with having sex with a condom in to see how that goes for a while and then we can maybe shake hands if it doesn’t work out for a long-term thing or a family thing or whatever thing and then we won’t be having to either hide or explain something to the next person that we have that level of experimental kind of like a trial. You know I mean if your if you don’t if you had if you have casual sex with people and you’re looking for a long-term lover lover than basically you’re sampling the population in your having this little child. So if another reason to have like that at least temporary approach to consistent protect used to protection is it like this is how I kind of simplified is just that you know there are people there people who I love so much to where I would suffer with them by their side with whatever they were suffering with and the and it would be worth it to me and I would send I would feel good about an okay with it that even if we broke up later even if you know something we split apart and I’m like that for the rest of my life I carry a piece of them which happens to be some in a little bit of DNA code that’s a virus or something and I will carry out with me for the rest of their life and I will always look back and think about how the story of me having that was it I love this person so deeply that I wanted them to feel like inhibited to share themselves fully with me and I wasn’t like keeping them at a distance and that was like a beautiful thing and we shared that consciously as opposed to being like oh man I had this hit-and-run what states have a 7 do I don’t know their name I don’t even remember where they are and now I’ve got this thing I have to deal with and I’m going to feel like crap about it and I’m going to want to lie about it or hide it and not shiting you know that that’s the worst is to actually have something get it in a way that doesn’t feel healthy you know energetically and then cover it up and conceal it for however long and that that’s where the from a tantric respected the karmic consequences of Deceit you know it’s bad it’s is not just the physical test that you do know for all that so so what are some myths and misconceptions you’ve had to encounter as an educator and just in life you know think reasons why people are four ways that people are or not taking things slowly through I guess when I go to college campuses and I educate one of the most common things that was at first like really people think this is when we offer free condoms so so I don’t need that I don’t have any STDs but they’ve never been tested or if they don’t have a partner that they talk about this way or they think that just because they don’t have an STD then they they’re not going to come across someone who might so really even if that person that you’re getting to know smells great looks great has an awesome attitude seems really smart they may have an STD and STI that they’re not aware of her that they are aware of that they’re not sharing with you and so when you get into it sexual situation you’re exposing yourself to whatever they might and they can either share that willingly if they know about it or they can keep it a secret willingly or just be completely unaware so to have condom have Paw protection using oral barriers here just setting yourself up for having safe sex practices that allow you to continue to have great sex I hope have sex that doesn’t have that that shame that he might carry or that fear or just that thought of while maybe this is going to be the time that something happens and it’s I find it easier and it just more pleasurable when I’m not worried about worried about that I know that I’m keeping myself safe that’s just one thing that I that’s not on my mind when I want to be fully present in the moment with my chosen partner do that young and I think with another so a lot of people will try to get away with the bare minimum or something of the sort of a cop-out or some cognitive dissonance around it that only happens to Immortal people ordered on crustacean whatever it is like whatever like you said it’s kind of a a pretty weak system of logic to have its really self-defeating so another kind of myth that I think should be busted or explored at least it’s just the idea that all I get tested once a year you know so I’m fine when hey it’s really the best I mean that the best you can share with your that’s our answer for my perspective it’s a hypochondriac if you start out in the sexual risk exposure game with the assumption that everybody has everything and condoms pretty much prevent almost everything almost all the time and when used properly then you are not subject to anybody’s trickery or deceit or falsehood around that’s why I’m fine and I don’t need a condom for I get tested very regularly and same thing it’s it anytime you have exposure you could have been tested two weeks ago if you were exposed to someone since then and sometimes it takes a while for for your system to start to show signs that are detectable by STD STI tests that you that you have something so even if you were tested a month ago and we’re clean five months from now you might show that you’re positive for something it’s all good information to have believe me I looked like to know someone and someone has a working knowledge of the different STIs that are out there a difference between bacteria and viruses and by having the knowledge and knowing what to ask for knowing which which tests are often omitted fruits and let’s talk about making barrier sexy and what did I see after that because you need to put that in your your survival kit can I mean we can make putting on a condom a sexy thing it can be done with teething I gazes or really sencha Longs Drugs or it can be like that’s hard and dirty however you want it however you and your partner working together and so that’s more commonly used form of oral barrier when you’re giving someone head but we also have oral barriers for a vagina or for the anus and it’s something that’s maybe not used as often but I can also be a sexy thing where we have ones that are flavored ones that don’t have the complete XC taste so so how do you bring up the conversation about STDs and STIs with someone that you’re thinking of having sex with actually I devised a little graphical illustration that called a spiral of intimacy and it has a spectrum from low to high risk and low to high risk responsibilities of risk and responsibilities so starting with being separated and say meditating together or coming closer and dancing together and then the the sort of familial kind of back massage and then I’m more of a sensual full-body massage then going to erotic massage and then the different degrees of being able to stimulate manually so there’s a whole appreciated area of getting to know someone sexually through masturbation and it’s like GSU would like to know what it’s like to have sex with you but I’d rather watch you have sex with yourself first so that I can observe your orgasmic cycle and I can know when you’re faking it then you’re too nice if that ever happens I like to remove the incentive for that to have to ever happen because it’s like it doesn’t have to be a you know that’s not the main goal about it the more it happened so just don’t worry about it so have you know the fundamentals and play split so bring it up it’s kind of like I mean a lot of times for meat lot of times women have tried to mount me without a condom and I had to say excuse me if you’re getting something and I forgive them because I know that I do deeply know in my heart of hearts that their Primal body is like please impregnate me while I’m in my Prime and I will jump from do to do to do to get that need met as of wimpy know and I respect that is powerful and so I don’t I don’t shame that went when it happens but I do say you know what season you know this is a formality that we cannot Overlook here but I feel like once you once you get Beyond The Shame of talking about sex in general it’s in New York when it gets to a point where it’s appropriate like it’s not creepy or not out of context to just start talking about the stuff I feel like it’s really there’s been nobody in my life and in recent years you kind of vibrating attract people obviously have like Consciousness but also it’s like a are any day is a good day to have this conversation I guess like it’s it’s that it doesn’t doesn’t feel awkward to me because I have been at a point where I’ve discovered with a partner getting tested oh no I haven’t been tested her if she hadn’t been tested and then we discover the cheese you know she has a lifelong infection you know that that is as yet not curable and so are adapting to that and having to be a good lover through that that’s challenging you know and there may be a day where the tables turn on me and that happens and you know I have to do and work through that so it’s I think it’s always it’s always rewarding to it to do it in and do it right have the conversation and just set up the plan and the more confident you are and your knowledge of yourself and where you’re coming from and you know you’re selling practices like if I was real shady about this stuff and I didn’t know and I was like doing a bunch of shady things and lying to people then I probably would never want to have a conversation so I think that’s a really that’s that’s something that I appreciate and I like and it would be great if that type of Mines that could be adopted by more people in that there are varying levels of intimacy and places that you know you’re going to get with someone puts that you wish you could get with someone please set you know you’re not going to be with someone and based on that you can have that conversation when you find it appropriate FaceTime like where you are End Zone here like a friends with benefits on this level of the pyramid you take a step up here and you’re kind of like maybe you’re given doing a little bit of mutual masturbation and then you go here and it’s kind of like okay barrier love making Anna. Sir to take the barriers off and now you’re doing sex magick and now you become God got us and you left off into the infinite eternity of the whole because whether you have all these different people you know who you shook hands when they didn’t want to go to the next level or you asked him to go to next time when I said I you know what I’m going to that level of somebody else and you still have people all of these different levels and then you have all these people still potentially coming in for the friendzone infinite infinite opportunities for education and the and I appreciate that you bring up fee the practice of mutual masturbation or solo masturbation and observing someone doing so that if she divorced me I love it I love it and it’s a great way to if you don’t have a condom if you don’t have a dental dam if you are not sure that you want to touch them or be touched by then but you still feel the sexual spark so you’re curious watch each other masturbated so it’s a great way to see someone really enjoy themselves fully friends don’t let friends show me your style show me show me my show you the flea mind kind of thing but now I think people are we really got to get in that direction because that wouldn’t that would release a lot of energy and and be totally safe and and I’ve I’ve had that thought and I feel like it shouldn’t be too much to ask you know it’s like it’s a lot to ask for someone to have sexual intercourse of any kind that’s a big big ass and it should stay that way but a lot of those things below that it should be we should be really so much more open and then we can explore homosexuality lot easier that way to you now it’s like you don’t have to go to the freakiest the freaky places to to know you know what what you want whether you like to or not but to never have any exposure you know and getting to know other people that can be part of that beginning practice that instead we’ll get there at some point so any last thoughts at 4 now I think I would say that this is just a very rainstorm any kind of introduction to the report or the Namek that we’re creating which is the model and demonstrate healthy fun conscious you know out-of-the-box thinking about these these treacherous things that are really just tiny little pesky things that we can control a manager for smart so more and more to come and this is just the beginning and so too cuz this one out do you have any last words you want to share for $10 ideas here so okay okay good ESO one of the reasons why I was an eye roller about dental dams even though I knew better and I understood that reason for their existence was because the the price for each one made me think about like how much the fun I want to have an amount of money I could afford to have that fun and it’s just going to make sure I so but now as I evolve my thinking and it had just been I don’t know where I learned it from but but it’s been I think of sex geek hacker thing to use Saran Wrap because it’s dirt-cheap literally and it said very very effective for that you’re almost never going to pierce it even with your teeth you know you would have to really try hard to try to damage and break that and also because it’s so abundant in the size compared to a dental dam you can roll out plenty of extra so we can kind of like create really tuck it in the crevices between the thighs and really get it so cuz I want to make a mess on both sides and I want to have a broad canvas and I want to be all over the place and I don’t want to worry about it sliding off or if I’m cuz in you know you just get you know your mind gets in the way so so we’re looking for sponsorship you know in a research Grant hear the trip to create massive rolls like the size of the wear house and rolls that are flavored Saran wrap that can be package and ship you know that also buy degradable cuz we don’t want the fish in the ocean to end up choking on our comrades email come on so much fun for anyone involved now we got to clean up the oceans and figured ecosexuals and crepe more Earth friendly Solutions on going so yeah that’s a good a good prayer clothes I would country kiss that we just practice no barriers needed thank you for listening to the touch upon podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples up here by Tycho logical employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email fan at Township Park. Com Thomas gay
In this episode I’m honored to be joined by Alejandra Aguilar Avelino, an advocate, educator and service provider at the East Los Angeles Women Center. We met there recently at a Sex Workers Outreach Project event and she gave a moving speech to explain a piece of art she created in solidarity with the victims of sexual violence. Her extensive experience in community support work is truly profound and she shares some very deep and intense insights on the intersections of religion, sexuality, economics, and politics.
We explore the efforts and potential to organize male clients of sex workers to show more solidarity and do more to support the health and well being of sex workers, and she shares some of her hopes and dreams for expanding the scope of services and outreach in the future.
I was very grateful to learn from her and to share a passion for improving the outcomes and quality of lives for sex workers through their whole life cycle. I’m hoping that her work and that of her peers and colleagues will be well financed so they can carry on doing such important work!
Alejandra Aguilar Avelino immigrated to the United States from her native Michoacán Mexico when she was eight years old. Alejandra has more than 16 years of experience in the field of Community Education. Alejandra’s beginnings were with Planned Parenthood Los Angeles as a Promotora Comunitaria. Alejandra had the honor to serve as Secretary and Chair of ALIANZA, the Los Angeles Caucus on HIV/AIDS in Los Angeles County.Currently Alejandra is the lead health educator, HIV counselor and support group facilitator at the East Los Angeles Women’s Center where she does HIV Navigation services. . Alejandra also provides support services to HIV-positive women and is an active member of several community planning bodies dedicated to the empowerment, health and well being of people. Alejandra has presented in several conferences at local and state level. Some of Alejandra’s passions are continuous learning, the empowerment of Latina Women, and she fights tirelessly against Gender Violence and Reproductive Justice. In her spare ?me Alejandra enjoys spending time with her family, hiking, reading and expanding her own small online business which she also uses as a tool to help other women reach economic independency.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin welcome to Tantra Punk podcast episode number 184 I’m being joined by Alejandra Aguilar and she is the health educator an HIV counselor at the East Los Angeles Women’s Center and we sort of met at a recent sex workers Outreach project event on December 17th which was the international day to end violence against sex workers and there was a beautiful creative artistic kind of community building event that was held there and that was the first time I had visited the East last night Women’s Center and I was very thrilled to know that that the place exists and of the great work they’re doing there and Alejandra was hosting the event through the space and has some really powerful and moving things to say about the work that she does in support of women’s health in and sexuality health and education and so I was very moved and thought I’d reach out and see if she like to tell us a bit more about her personal background and about what the great works that are offered at the center there so I’ll a hundred thank you so much for joining me looking forward to hearing more about your story thank you thank you Ben and thank you for inviting me to be part of this podcast so as you mention my name is HIV counselor at the East Los Angeles Women’s Center and yeah I recalled that for a little over 42 years and one of the things that we always want to let people know is that this is a place where women silence is hurt for the community has their silence and so we decided to open up our space so that sex workers and their allies and come in and and have a safe place to meet and so I have been working in the field of HIV for in reproductive health for a little over 14 years and you know when I arrive to this country when I was 8 years old and one of the reasons why I’m very passionate about advocating for Women Health is because specially for the health and well-being and the needs of let me know is because many times Latinas specially Latinos who are aware of the services that might be out there to support them and so one of my one of my reasons for being an ally in in the the support of sex workers is to be able to avoid the needs of women especially one of the things that I did was I was a child care provider even though I was a child myself I used to babysit that the children of many sex workers women who were immigrants who worked up at sex workers and so I got to see a lot of the needs that a lot of the new show of the women and definitely a lot of them are children and so you know as I was getting older I decided to to look into this route of being of service to to the community by advocating for the needs of your penis growing up I got to see how special immigrant women for sexual abuse that shows fault interpersonal violence and definitely sexual explotation and when I started working at the East Los Angeles Women’s Center I thought this is perfect I get to work for an organization that is aligned with my beliefs and here I am 14 years into providing Services Organization advocating for the woman’s name well that is so powerful and thank you so much for sharing that and specially about your personal background ATS really moving to me I know that there that there is a lot of really strong feminist history and in feminist movement history around women sexual health and and support services and also and sort of sort of vaguely aware of different tensions that there have been within the feminist movement around 7 is sewer or not as supportive of sex workers or of women who were involved in the adult industry and some some who maybe are more supportive some curious if you have had to navigate any of those those politics within the women within the women’s movement about the sort of taboo subjective of the sex industry not necessarily you know I am very fortunate to be in this organization I’m very fortunate to have a strong network of providers that believe in advocating for everyone and when we say everyone it means every single person regardless of what they’re definitely here at the women’s center we do not see people for what they do we see them for who they are and so when we see when we see you know a sex worker we see them for who they are first and foremost a human being have to keep for them or what you would like and definitely no I haven’t encountered any of that it does not mean that it’s not the doesn’t accept them pretty sure there’s so many people that have encounter with you but I myself have not I’m really glad to hear that because I got that Vibe definitely that there was no judgment and no no sort of distance or or or judgment you about about that because it is so it is so much a part of life and people want to ignore it or people want to just hiding from it but it’s it’s a real serious issues I appreciate it very much that that you hold that space and and I want to thank you for doing that so if you could help us understand a bit about what the the most vital needs are of those those women who are doing work in the sex industry what are some of the things that people should know about as far as what they face on a daily basis and even ways that that people who are maybe just wanting to support them where are they they want to be allies how they can also be supportive but would definitely I cannot speak for everyone but I can’t I am able to speak for those who I have been fortunate and humble enough to provide services doing these are the Immigrant Latinos who work in the bars on the country has most of the time you asked about their needs what their needs are definitely there’s a lot of me to to provide them with resources resources and when I say resources what kinds of resources and support that they need to let them know about the right and to let them know that if they have been abused molested in any way that there is are places that can help them if they need just a space where they can just feel safe that there’s such a space about what we hope to who provides many of the women that we service the well-being overall well-being we are always concerned about their health their physical health or emotional health because we know that it can take a toll on their health specially those who work at night all we know that is if it can be difficult for them to to take care of that their help because the majority of them are also mothers and because they are mothers you know many times Latinas put the needs of their own meat how can I say it they put their needs before the needs of anyone else and they last one but they’re nice and so I want to advocate for them we also want to let them know that they have rights we hope to educate them about the right within the women that we service some of them are hiv-positive and so will support them we support them by providing resources for their help for them so that they can receive the services well thank you very much again for doing that work in something that I that I have been made very much aware of by my association with women who who would be considered those very strong feminist critique of the patriarchal economic structures and just the way capitalism works and how how this Empire is really built on on its own built on the backs of immigrant labor and and and from what you’re saying it’s also built on the bodies of the sex workers who who serve a lot of different types of male laborers and I’m wondering what if you care to share from your personal perspective what are some observations are inside sore or strong feelings you may have around what the what the role of men who may be there maybe they are sex buyers or maybe they are temps or maybe they are you know what and then you can any level of that economy do you ever have the opportunity to to Enlighten them or two to help them become more active in doing the support work for the for the women or what what is your feeling about the men who are just kind of you don’t hear a lot about the John’s or the Pimp C male a male and get you component we are thinking by myself a big advocate for making change in our communities mobilizing one of the one of the things that I do is when I am able to speak to groups of men and provide them with information writing with resources to do is to let them would like for them specially if they are consumers of the services of the women who are sex workers Michael is for them not to think of the women as object to know that there’s a story behind them that there that these women might have gone through many struggles am I making sense yes this is amazing I love to hear it to hear more about it cuz I feel like it’s so lacking it’s so lacking in that people actually try to educate them and whether it’s about using condoms or or being just mine. I’m being respectful this is Range Community and to use their voice to Advocate from them as well to use whatever privilege they have as meant to protect them to advocate for them that’s definitely one one of our pools and one of the things that we hope to accomplish is for for men to go beyond those gender roles that they are putting the moment they are born we want them to understand that they can break out of that box I agree with you yes wow so if that that thank you so much for sharing those insights that they’re really really touches my my heart and soul because I feel like I’m as myself as a sex worker myself I’ve been mistreated and abused and certainly I would have loved for the very wealthy the wealth of the wealthier of my clients to to be giving back and supporting nonprofit organizations that actually create a better life and more resources 400 why wouldn’t you why wouldn’t you give back to to like a trade Association it was helping you have a good experience in helping you get your needs met so hopefully yeah I’m excited to hear about what you’re doing over the other people will do that kind of Outreach as well so if we could talk a bit about the I feel like it’s it would be important to give some context for people listening to this what what the scope of sexual assault really looks like from your perspective you’re really seeing and I again am I feel very honored to speak with you knowing that you’re you’ve chosen to be putting yourself in a position to have so much exposure and really be very empathetic and very compassionate towards people who are in times of Crisis and some of the the most extreme trauma and current crisis so you could help to sensitize the listeners of this podcast to do some what it what is sort of typical cycle is when you have someone to say come in for services who is in trauma or crisis and in kind of what whatever is appropriate you know for you to share but that I think would be good for us to understand that means we started in 1976 and actually disorganization begin you know it was first bilingual confidential 24 hour 7 days a week crisis hotline to be able to service and provide support to survivors of sexual assault what we do is we have a hotline and call if they have just been assaulted molested or phrase taking cold even if it happened many years ago in another country we provide supporting the support looks something like this we we do Hospital accompany me to go to the hospital to provide support to the Survivor of rape and we’re able to see people all ages for survivors from a baby to someone well over the age of 90 we see that again we see them for who they are we see them as human beings Survivor and we are basically there to support them we allow them to have a safe safe space to come in and speak support when and if they’re ready mix someone is ready and they would like to come in and receive support we can provide them with counseling therapy and again we never tell them what to do we are there in their healing journey in the journey to heal I said we’re walking hand-in-hand with them so where’s that the healing path and soul Moana singing about in 2016 I remember in 2016 we provided services to over 10,000 women and children on the hotline movie about 2,200 called so we’re pretty busy if ever since that Open Door hotline has never closed and twice a year would provide training for people to become sexual assault advocate so that they can help survivors they can do hospital but also so that they get the keys for the needs of survivors important so after all of this exposure that you and your colleagues and peers with organization in and near the community of people that you’re connected with her your allies in Von forcement in the justice system and that the hospital system and the the sword I guess there’s also the social services and Family Services sectors of thumb of the county and in local local governments I’m curious if you could talk about some of the powder and some of the insides whatever you’ve been able to kind of a phone some conclusions you may have arrived at just about to the patterns of abuse and where you feel like the most effective interventions can occur on the preventative side of this issue how to do there’s definitely a lot to do but we definitely one of our one of them nothing’s that needs to happen to be able to to end sexual assault and domestic violence definitely HIV we need to end violence against women and homophobia swell we definitely know that if we end violence against women we end homophobia we are very well and then into the HIV epidemic we are definitely going to see Alright by very much agree with that and tell me what comes to mind from me for my personal experience in for my studies and I love to hear what you had what you would have to stay from your perspective Which is far more I would say far from a highly developed than mine because of the position that you that you’ve taken up and and I would say with what are your thoughts on the you mentioned machismo that’s something that I’m interested to hear more about what what that where that comes from and what you would how you would advise people to deconstruct that that sort of some aspect of violence in and then also alcohol and Andrew role that you feel that plays or substance abuse and how that feeds into the violence well it’s definitely a collaborative effort of everyone social service providers to law enforcement to every single every single person has a responsibility to an hour in one of the things we have are you aware of basically the women from targeted community wengage and Outreach and education and what they do is they increase awareness of sexual assault and resources and domestic violence victims and their families but they also bring awareness and so one of the things that that we have here in our organization in mind you all women that can be women that are actively working a sex workers women for HIV positive Housewives just about anyone and they go through this training where they learn about their culture how their cultural experiences shape their identity with a lot of focus on the Latino cultures and Value Inn in the experiences that they might have had growing up and still one of the things that we encourage them don’t is to look at what what are the values of culture that contribute in a positive way to to have better communities to to make them feel safe right it in to make a change in the world and to keep those we encourage them to look at the one that can be toxic that can be done that perpetuate and we encourage them to to look at both and decide which ones they want to keep which ones they want to transmit to other generation so we start with that beautiful well thank you for doing that as well in I’m curious if we could go to the next question which is the just to the prevalence of alcohol and domestic violence I think is pretty well well known that a lot of sexual assault and violence happened in in circumstances that are sort of fueled by drunkenness and I’m curious if you have thoughts on to substance abuse and alcoholism and how that how that affects the work that you do and the the the women that you support but we do know that it art again you know what we need people were there as we don’t we do not follow up a model of trauma-informed that means we are not going to shame people if they have issues with substance abuse know we can help them try to get to the root of why they’re they’re using or why they’re drinking rice I can tell you definitely my perspective from what I saw growing now I can tell you that issues with alcoholism are very prevalent with the with the women who work in the bar and the emptiness sex workers because that is part of their work in order to make a living they have to drink with the client and so many women that start working in the barn and the emptiness when they start working in the bar on the time peanut they have never you know in their life they have never had a drink but once they start working out of their job it’s how they make that living and some many of them develop alcoholism that’s one of the things that I saw and so you know if you if you asked to do it that many have a history of abuse or trauma that it don’t even know that they have this history of abuser, they don’t even know what to name those feeling you know very bad idea that depression you have a very difficult situation for for the person you know when one of these again that I hate that I was able to see I was able to see because of the lack of support and empowerment and resources available to this woman I saw in a bunch of this day I still seen any of them Works who no longer work in the calendar because there was no support there was no one to assist them teach them how to how to make a budget how to save the money or even how to invest some of them and not only that but a lot of them ended up with issues of alcohol yeah I hear you and that actually comes at least to my next question really which is about what you see as some of the the positive outcomes and the I would say to be clear I don’t believe that it’s wrong to be a sex worker ever see for myself fight I am the part of the six work industry so there are some people would say well you just need to go to church and you need to quit the lifestyle and and and you need to leave it all behind you which I’m not I’m not here to say is this is right or wrong but but I will I will say that I’m very interested in what what six I think about the concept of a success story or someone who has overcome substance abuse or alcoholism and if they choose to remain active in the sex industry but I from a healthier place or if they choose to move beyond that I’m curious what you what are some of the pathways that you have facilitated or witnessed of of women who have become really empowered either is former sex workers or or or sort of sex workers in recovery what are some of the success stories that you would say that you’ve been a part of each other’s privacy and confidentiality if I can tell you that there’s this particular woman who is what after she became involved and after she was able to gather with other women saw other women like herself all about the right person for most of the human bean learn that there is nothing to be ashamed of learn to speak remind learn to Advocate Parker cell I was able to see an amazing transformation this is a person who now is able to speak up for herself this is someone who is able to negotiate pay for sex which I think it’s amazing to see this is someone who if she feels that someone is making her feel ashamed because of what she does she’s able to speak up she doesn’t know her head as she used to be for not just that but her priority priority priority herself above anything else in that include making better decisions when it comes to drinking that our decisions for her mean eating what you drink tea not not drinking as much as she used to before that you will forget to take her medication doesn’t make sense that is In N safety she she has been able to say she now has a savings account which is tremendous you know because now she’s planning or for the years I had to fight absolutely well I’ll take you out to other women beautiful well that’s that’s very good to hear and thank you again for doing that and just maybe a couple few more questions one will be going back to the the other half of the equation which is the the male role in and all of this into client role so I sounds like you’re yeah you have a lot of experience working with women who were in that that culture of the bar and cantina world and so like you said that there will be drinking is just part of the job and I’m curious if you if you could reach into the heart and soul of the the male clients and understand where they’re coming from and if they would maybe intergenerational trauma or or personal issues that they may be dealing with in and if we were to make if we were to all be working together to create more empowered and more conscious and then we’re healthy men and male clients and then maybe they would maybe this sounds ridiculous I guess but but I would love to see a world where where sex work is is legal and where people clients and and and service providers could meet up at a healthy juice bar or something or like a farmers market or something you know where it’s it’s not always in the context of of alcohol and that kind of sort of sector and so I’m just curious if when you think about this and when you work in this in this world if you do you have any advice for four men who are just maybe this sort of their kind of being set up or something I don’t know why I don’t know what you how you feel about just the whole the nature of that in of that that world of the the bar scene in the all that wouldn’t be able to provide education you know when I go out and we have those messages that week we share with with menopause sensitive to have healthy relationships with all the people in their life okay and do would you say while we’re on the topic of the Mennonite and I appreciate it and it sounds like what needs to happen is that more more men need to step up and organize and do Outreach it’s you already sounds like you’re already very your hands are full working with women and it sounds like that would be good for more men to anybody listening who has that the resources or the means to to do more Outreach Two Men and hopefully that will that will happen and I would say I just want another question just while we’re on the topic is if you if you feel like there is do you feel like a lot of the men who are of War buying the sexual services at women are they are they not really functional in their in their their own marriages that are on family life and are they I guess I don’t know like I said the other is there anything you can say about about the profile or the sort of in the attitude or the State of Mind of the mail client server or are they just a lot of single man to hoodoo don’t have a wife and that therefore they had they feel like they have to get through the day but with a beer you know with getting some drinks and inviting some sex and again there is so much so much change that needs to happen in one of them against the things that I be all that needs to happen from what I saw you know growing up in a very traditional community at 8 I was born in Mexico and I grew up in the town I was very religious it was okay for men to go to a bar in to go to La Cantina to look to spend some time with women right because many of them felt have to ask for certain things from their wives or their girlfriends was disrespectful and so they grew up thinking that the women that worked in the bar in the Campina where it was okay to have certain things of them right certain sexual things or even just to drink with them right again that idea that the women that worked in the casino or less than the women that are at home but that should not be the case that we can community that there’s this idea that yeah I’m going to go to the bar I’m going to go to the one with her right or she will be willing to deliver for a Spur to do and I cannot ask my wife to do that because she’s a good wife or she’s a good woman or she’s going to get offended if I ask her to do certain things when it might be very well that her wife at home or at home is wishing he will do those things with her because of how she grew up in this box that she was playing through gender role that don’t ask for something sexual well your violence violence that that if you are a good wife you would not dare ask for any of that and so that’s one of the things that I’m very passionate about teaching women again we let you know when it’s okay to to look for pleasure it’s okay to have conversations with your partner about certain things it’s okay to explore as long as you are both okay in the end it’s okay to look for a relationship with someone who is not going to feel threatened if you ask for certain things for your own pleasure well that is really powerful and I appreciate you saying that that really means a lot that really helps me understand a lot better and I hope I hope we can move towards that and and I appreciate the work you’re doing to create that space to explore and understand and and change the is paradigm so you’re so another question I have for you which is kind of this kind of extraordinary but I like to I like to do you know what some people call a thought experiment where you just think about what obviously you have you have some budgetary constraints and you have people power constraints but if you and your team or your colleagues the people you work within your organization if you somehow we’re blessed with the resources and the even just to say you won the lottery or something absurd like that but it was just say you had you had really almost Limitless potential or and Empower even politically to say okay this is all of this is all of the wisdom that we have and these are the proposals that we have and and if you just had what what you need to talk about investment and whatnot so if there was a if there was a venture capital firm that says we really think what you’re doing is important and we feel like that there is a benefit to society to have you you all have more resources and really if you if you had almost Limitless budget what are some of the things that you would do to to accelerate and grow and expand you know your services in certainly how I mean I would love to see since having been to the place you know your location I would love to see myself I would love to see you have more more acreage you no more land and something like the weirdest El Centro Farm was there some place where you can have Community Gardens in actual herbal Gardens in and healing natural areas and places for meeting that we’re outside and there were also safe and also had security so that’s just kind of what comes to my mind but I’m curious what you would do or what you would sort of dream up if you had almost no limits to what you can imagine wow there’s so much that we will definitely do love I can tell you that with a bigger budget we will definitely be able to since we will not have waiting list for four clients to to enrolled into into a program but definitely one thing will be to to increase to provide more support for the women that are hiv-positive because of budget I’m talking about financial support very limited women are always left behind and yet they’re the ones that love to see more help women’s health programs that are more sex-positive that are inclusive of sexual trauma Empower women to advocate for their sexual health definitely expand more men’s healing talking circles where they can wear the men pink and strengthen the relationship that we would love to see that but definitely if there was no monetary restrictions more more a healing circles or for women where they can talk about their health advocate for the health including their sexual health awesome thank you so much for sharing and I’m hoping that all of your dreams will come true you’re suddenly during such important and if I don’t work in the community and so yeah I wish you absolutely the best moving forward and hopefully yeah we’ll see each other again and then more more collaboration will happen that will be mutually supportive within our communities do you have any closing words you’d like to share and then also do you want to share the website URLs and any other links or any other ways to connect that would be great bilingual 24-hour hotline anyone can reach this hotline 24/7 the number is 800 5856 231 once again is 800-585-6231 and our website is www.ladwp.com org once again is so absolutely yes sir I appreciate it’s been an honor and do you have any last closing words you like to say is just a call to action or or things that you feel like if if people knew in NC could hear this voice than they would they would they would want to step up and and I guess it was before we say that you are a 501 c 3 charitable non-profit so donations are tax-deductible am I correct that we are especially in need of support because we have the only shelter in the mission where people can can go if they have just been sexually assaulted or if they have just landed on the hospital and they’re afraid to go back home or back to where the perpetrator or abuser is and we definitely need a lot of support for that our women’s HIV program a lot of sports comidas up with some sort of supporting in the dollar if you can share our website with others or even our Facebook page elawc please go ahead and do so we will be very grateful thank you so much Alejandro I think that was a really good introduction to all of the the work you’re doing and I hope that’s a lots of good things come from this and hopefully we will have meet again and and maybe we can follow up again and have you back on sometime in the future talk about some new developments and hopefully there’s there will be a lot more a lot more great things happening in the future so thank you again for your time and we’ll be in touch okay bye bye thank you for listening to the touch of Honey Pot www.entrepreneur.com can cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess temple in every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Tantra Punk. 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