Tag Archives: sexual liberation

Dr Zelaika Hepworth Dancing Under a Waterfall

Decolonizing Love and Sex with Dr. Zelaika Hepworth Clarke TPP216

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In this episode I’m joined again by one of my favorite scholars for a deep and intense exploration of oppression and decolonization in the realms of love and sex.

She shares her theory of the “Z-spot” which is all about the multi-dimensional nature of female arousal beyond physical stimulation of anatomical spots.

We commiserate on the state of patriarchal dominance of sexual home economics and brainstorm on future pathways towards sexual utopias that are inclusive of all genders, sexualities, ethnicities, while preserving and honoring diversity, legacies of privilege and trauma, and much more.

Please visit her website here:
http://www.zelaika.com/

Subversion through Perversion with Manny Festation of Porno Plague TPP210

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Porno Plague Pic

About Porno Plague:

“Greetings, foolish masturbators. Please allow me to introduce you to; Porno Plague! I’ll be your host… Your Ghost Host, Mr. Manny Festation. I am the coordinator of this rag tag group of renegade smut enthusiasts. The title of owner and operator however, goes to our Lord, God, on high. Blessed be his name.

We are a group of 13 prophets (myself included) sent by the powers that be to reign down a smut epidemic the likes of which the world has never known! Each of us, representing a different region of the world and categorical taboo.”

#APlagueIsCumming

More about Manny:

I’m also a former Christian youth pastor, had a small but successful stint as a professional wrestler in the indie circuits. I studied religious philosophy and social psychology before dropping out to pursue my own path. I’ve help produce and direct several Renegade Disney projects and am an Occult enthusiast. Other than Porno Plague I am launching a myriad of other projects under my company name; “Obscaena co” which specializes in purposely obscene content. I’ve dubbed it, “social experimental entertainment”. (Porno Plague being a branch of this endeavor).

“Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis.”

-The Ghost Host

AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear beloved welcome to Township on podcast episode number 210 I’m being joined by manifestation and he is also known as the ghost host and is that main project we’re going to talk about today is poor no plague which I am a member of the XPS. Net professional community of people all throughout different sectors of the adult industry come together find work share resources share knowledge and insights and the great forum and had good luck just reaching out and in asking for folks to they like to come on my podcast and talk about the work they’re doing in the space I’m definitely like an independent DIY level producer performer and always interested in more networking opportunities so many is one of the folks who who stepped up and took a look at some of my work and some shirts and blinks and I was a really turned on by a lot of what I was seeing at the porno flick sites and also very interested in the edgy taboo religious and spirituality themes that were coming up and though we may we may represent the movie working on behalf of different different entities and duties but stay as far as I’m concerned I’m interested in the art and creativity and the expression also the sort of just non-traditional and more which is more DIY artistic expression and interested in in just different cultures in different ways of people coming out now in and making their own telling their own story through pornography is very interesting and very fascinating from anthropological syrup refectocil with all that said many thank you so much for reaching out and I’m excited to hear all about the work that you’re doing and what brought you up to this this point of taking this role is that the ghost host and thank you for the invitation really I was a great introduction and you’re good at this a manifestation I am the coordinator for the plague just to get started God came down from heaven and told me to go out into the world and find 12 prophets to rain down a smile like the likes of which the world has never known so that’s pretty much where we’re at we’re introducing profit by profit and non-profit represents a different region of the world and Tabu category of pornography that is very exciting and so then that that excites me about this is that a lot of the religious right backlash against also called smut Peddlers is it they they seem to think that the narrative that you just explained in very plain English is like the the secret conspiracy of all of the smut Peddlers out there and I really think that most smut Peddlers are not that sophisticated in their permission in their their operation and didn’t yet you stand out with this Mission as a very purposeful very formidable adversary to to their agenda so please let’s unpack all this like I’d love to get into the Gory details like what was this experience like of this with this Revelation and and tell us obviously about the the prophets in the taboos can you just throw to unpack all this and go down the the table of contents absolutely I can give you a little run-down Prophet by Prophet the first one comes from Nazca Peru what does Masada mean she represents South America and routine of corn on the second one I came across was Herod or he goes by the username meet the creeper and you represent your lawyer in your hidden cameras things of that nature we have I see we have a c k e r r r Asian Ali Jihad from the Middle East Bernie Lomax nice little throwback there he’s our vintage porn bus Blackmagic representing Africa course whole gang men that is so cool mean it with this / I’m getting is more of like a graffiti crew or like a hacker team or something like a crew of people probably in somewhere in the 20s 30s ish I would imagine but who are like at the peak of having so much passion to express themselves and to be really out there in the world and not not afraid of like the future consequences of who you know that the things as you get older you get more conservative you get more cheerful about Grand Vacations but at a certain stage do you know when I think weed collectives of younger folks coming together in the same like we’re going to fucking do our thing I die Digger this Ensemble the sensible thing so how did you go about finding all these folks I’m basically all your big internet websites to find a landform for amateur models meet the creeper comes from the infamous and and websites and the darknet has traveled around and I found all these guys and we all sort of agreed we had this unique perspective on porn especially with the age of the internet and don’t you know on the front page of corn and you see all the starter box inside the videos and he’s definitely a darker nature in human beings and it seems like the manicure World wants to sort of ignore its we want to exploit The Fetish culture II deeper level and actually I think the progressive conservative religious right forces have basically they’re reaping what they sowed right because now if they would have let people just be free and be themselves and not be afraid and ashamed of all the stuff and it wouldn’t things wouldn’t wouldn’t have to to be we have the way they are now which is like people have to really put their lives at risk to to experience pleasure they want to have with her it’s just kind of vanilla almost sexuality or more extreme BDSM whatnot so just give us sort of the elevator pitch or or even more if you’d like half of what they’re their back story is like I feel like we’re playing a video game is like Street Fighter and you get to little bio on you see like they’re you know where they’re from and you see that that’s a great way of putting a man especially that first that yet the court has been very depressed for a long time and it’s exploding everybody’s face which is why we use the hashtag of leg is coming actually what we do is sort of satirical in a way so we can work characters especially with the category that the rent in the reading the world to represent they sort of them backlash against their own culture for example of our first model of the Latin model tourism sodomy she comes from here in Peru South America near there’s a very Macho culture but behind the scenes there’s a a lot of transvestites were example I’m not sure what the politically correct term is anymore so she sort of going against let the Macho culture here and being the dominatrix or middle eastern model Ali Jihad she’s been an arranged marriage and she wears her her facial mask and sort of expressing strong she’s a lesbian and she can express yourself more freely and I’m that’s that’s really the jest of it is I’m work splitting the taboos for all these different cultures where these people live like a man that is so exciting so now I want to go I want to be able to go and see you like where would I cuz I I looked at a couple of the the tube sites and I’m just kind of surf the bit on the different the different videos but is there a place online where you have sort of like a perfect profile Pages for each one of these characters that’s a great question actually I’m right now we have four notes like that, which is being built up and yeah it’s it’s sort of anybody’s guess right now through the tube sites we don’t have an individual profile for every character right now but we’ve only really introduced our first two prophets Tortas and sodomy and meet the creeper through the tube sites of that you’re going to see the majority of their material right now and every month we’re going to be releasing a good bulk of the next Prophet character represents a different month of the year they all ironically have different zodiac sign things of that nature well actress is so cool man I just feel like this is this is going to be the next Comic-Con sensation because there’s like a cosplay element going on there’s there’s this so much is this it just feels like it it it it hits the spot in so many ways to be able to I am just realized I wish that I was I wish that this was part of of my my younger years and I guess I still I myself I still have like a a character Persona and what not but are you so are you imagining this is going to scale to a point where I mean you said the prophecy was for the pick up the commandments so to speak that you got was for 12 but you’ve do you expect that this will kind of spark of movement and people will want to join and want to fit in somehow to this Mondelez affair so I’m never anybody who’s not one of the main prophets in joining and as soon as they’re material or fan photos but yeah it’s definitely sparked an interest in a lot of people and in the coming months websites going to have a ton of material in content that we haven’t been able to Sean to do besides yet cool man well that’s exciting and it’s good to know that this is disgusted look forward to and in the sub Center development on how it how have you been getting attention in marketing is just been I’m like super curious how how the high be able to stand out I mean this is so unique I can see it it’s super compelling and I’m just curious of all of the strategies and Pathways now with the internet that you could you know that you could explore like what has been working well for you as first marketing promotion strategies right right a little bit and marketing has been pretty easy you know through tags and just being completely different people are interested whether they like it or not so I’m getting to where we’re at now we’ve been building audience through the tube sites before the actual main Hub websites open up and it’s been an easy man to Cakewalk building up her audience that way we definitely have a big punk rock element to it it’s been fun mended the comment section under videos are like YouTube everybody’s arguing about our philosophy and people are confused and keep some questioning I think that’s really keeps on coming back to you you know what else this reminds me of that is so near and dear to my curly you know very extremely fucking rebellious in earlier years was the band Gwar your did you ever get into them where you found of Gore I love war actually yes. Man I was watching some interviews on the Sally show just this morning before they embody that that I’m just remembering the lyrics and just this hilarity and discussed and satire and revulsion that they embody but it was also like so compelling and so I might think the first time I saw I was exposed to them was in that movie with Ethan Hawke called Mystery Date were they actually were at a club in the movie Theses you see that and now I think this is like the second coming so you guys should start a band 2 sped up like Punk background music almost like a noise like a handjob music video and and I love that and I love this idea of like just the spirit of DIY men porn now being something that we couldn’t really we certainly couldn’t publicize we could make it back in my you know de I guess you could say but now it’s like a you want to like make a statement you just get a camera get on a tube site and Bam like do your thing and throw some music on there so how does punk rock play into your personal life and is it part of the 1st fabric of the collected that you’re building one. oh yeah for sure man I’m a during my youth punk rock was a very inspirational and I saw the same in your videos talking about your background and growing up I’m punk rock’s been very important to me what are some of that what are some of the styles that you were gravitated towards in the in the punk movement back in the day man up Hed PE Randstad the transplants no bands like that big Marilyn Manson fan Blink-182 actually coincidence are prophets that were found throughout the internet like tortoise inside of me is actually meet the creeper by Rob Zombie Blackmagic Hed PE all the usernames actually I’m sync up to sort of 90s nu-metal punk rock band song then also I’m somewhere I’m somewhat scared to even invoked the name but it reminds me of the Juggalos in the Insane Clown Posse and like the the cultures that spin off of bands and the sort of the yeah man like it really is the glue of generations coming up together and getting into extreme music of whatever genres in I really appreciate the people who can appreciate appreciate the people who can appreciate multiple genres and be into the goth industrial Punk metal and you don’t have all of that be influences in and what not so yeah me hopefully you all will be those of you musically inclined will will start to produce tracks of your own to go with them is that something that anyone’s doing or you just talked about doing oh yeah we got to talk to her a couple bands I’m here locally in Peru and back in the states that we’re going to start getting music from and no make it more than just born doll some music videos with slower videos been equated to already right now this is what is this is what is also a very interesting layer of legal protection for us pornographers is that if there is political educational or artistic value I believe those are verbatim words that protect you from sanity laws you know then don’t quote me on it but but I’ve looked into some of this President and I know that like there’s certain things Scott blood you know there’s a list of there’s like a black list of of things that will definitely get easy obscenity prosecution happened but but a buffer I don’t know so much about exactly protect me from you no liability with those things would just in general like if you can prove that it’s has artistic value and instantly if there is a music video element and certainly there is a a message that’s coming out with with the the statements that you’re making is that the backlash against the repression of each culture I think this is a hugely I mean who for all we know they’ll be a you know Museum a traveling Museum Roadshow to like demonstrate to the world that says he’s beautiful acts of political art that you’re making I certainly feel that way about it and I know there are places you know around the within the sort of dungeon gsm network and in the even the sex positive sort of network where they would you know I would love to like see people organize a film screening like a film fest and have your videos be be like a whole night you know the phone says they’ll be great right actually obscenity laws of something that incorporate we try to walk that fine line does he know if the majority is offended then you’re in trouble that’s basically with the obscenity laws boil down to which is also why I like to call the social experiment to entertain so there is some kind of scientific value there or artistic for example in press that you knew that much about it then it’s it will get me what something is cool about what we’re both doing is like exploring these religious themes and that is usually what will get you the most backlash because people are so so neurotic about it and you know they just can’t it can’t enjoy you know even though the humorous or satirical aspect of it at all and there’s certainly people who don’t want to see anything interracial you know for fundamentalist reasons are simple you don’t want to see depictions of religious figures of course defamed and that I mean altimate sacrilege me weird then the territory of ultimate sack religion but I also feels like the Most Blessed place to be so I don’t know you go figure yeah yeah for sure man in the dangerous me about your work to I’m a big spiritual into it while I feel like I’m exploring more of those Fat Tire you take it very seriously I saw through your videos and I’m interested in that man at the beginning of this during the introduction you said that we might be coming from two different entities I was wondering if you could touch on that a little bit cuz I’m interested well well thank you I mean you’re turning your back on me a little bit I’ll try to I’ll keep it short so we can keep the focus on you and overall but but I do appreciate the conversation last back then and I’ll say that this is an interesting a very interesting juncture for what were you and I are talking about now because I would say we we live in a world where and a time where we Revenge either directly or indirectly like horribly victimized by the corrupt pedophile Empire of the Catholic church that owns more property than any other single entity on the planet in this basically mine fucked and spiritually abused everybody who’s been forced to speak English and Spanish for like centuries in that space of like spiritual violation in trauma it’s very difficult and I think the punk rock movement in an even Marxism and communism the there has been a major rebellion and backlash against all things religious all things spiritual and then and then we sort of Miss this this important more indigenous deeper element which is a Shamanism a shamanistic approach to having right relationship with the spirit world which contains parasitic entities synergistic enter the entities and sometimes neutral entities but you know having an appropriate and spiritually intelligent shamanic relationship with energies and entities that are unseen and then interacting you know socially and sexually with other human beings knowing that there’s this greater invisible landscape that’s that’s where you know the the science and mysticism really has value and end I would say like the lake will freeze apples not all demons are bad like if you just start there and so you know some of them can be trained to be your lapdogs some of them can be trained to be your assassin some of them can be trained to or contracted with and bargain to be bounty hunters or others all kinds of relationships that can be cultivated so that’s why I say it’s like you know we maybe we may be dabbling or playing with different different archetypes and energies in and you know I come I played a bunch of Death Metal I I used to carve myself up and paint pentagrams and six six six with my blood and you know that was me just sort of dabbling in the realm of Ozzy Osbourne Black Sabbath Slayer level consciousness of evil forces and then getting more into Shamanism understanding yeah you know that’s kind of a child’s play the really more sophisticated mean is going to understand the Continuum and the taxonomy of the spirit will a little more and then actually be more of a designer and not just kind of like be spoon-fed Satanism or something kind of kind of false in in fake so like I got that vibe from you on like I didn’t see this what you doing oh man this is like really cartoony want to be like poser Satanism something that I could see that there’s a deeper message in a deeper sophistication so so back back to you I guess what what how would you describe your the way you reconcile the dark and the light and you know the Divine and the hell is she there all bunch of assholes I agree and we will expose them those kind of people that sounds like the route you were going with sounds like you’ve been reading on a solemn in a little bit like the Lesser key in the ground wires you know some deeper reading material there be I know exactly where talk about those are Satanism and yeah we’re not about that mean we like cartoony and satire don’t get me wrong definitely smells better than anybody like you it’s not all that simple indeed and actually I should say to to clarify actually love the cartoon aesthetic I love anime I love graphic novels I think it’s by the best way to teach a more punk rock spirituality is through a more fun in approach in with art and so I’ve definitely made Might my logo is a cartoon as well so I should say I don’t want to put down the cartoon that’s not an insult it is it is you say like you know what what is what is the angle but I could just tell you no Tortas and sodomy there is a vibe that is being exuded where’s like I don’t think I’ve seen a happier person in my life Glee and pleasure total debaucherous Hedonism that is making this woman seemed so fucking thrilled and I think a lot of the Sexes negativity just comes down to jealousy that other people are having more fun than you are and so we’re proving to the world that did that there’s this is just more fun to be more open and more experimental Yeah man so what are some you have more kind of future plans things to do that are you rolling out today have also coming up on the horizon and we should Nova other than the corn world when do you plan on getting forming like a an LLC or Corporation or somehow in like starting to set up booths at the different porn conferences and actually having more of like a what’s your brand strategy overall or is it you’re going to keep him or kind of just DIY and oh yeah we’re definitely going to start a cult and set the world on fire there might be The Thrill Kill Kult now they say that another one people have so much fun playing with his stuff so yeah that my grandfather was a tour bus driver and he toured with the Lords of acid umbilical call back in the mid-nineties well well that explains a lot doesn’t it scare my grandfather was awesome. Manuel fucken table volume down and tipping hats to all of the the shoulders that we stand on the people who like really yes if you are there other other like industrial band influences that you like or got there in like that Nine Inch Nails all the way men there definitely awesome yeah yeah I hear you man and so have you thought about doing with say like a like a lot of a lot of strip clubs and dance clubs night clubs and stuff they will feature adult performers as feature dancers and they make tons of money doing that one if you thought about doing like a burlesque or like a cabaret show what kind of thing with if this getting some of these folks together in and actually kind of doing like a dance troupe or something very interesting I can play with that so that kind of gives you more like a I feel like this is what I’m seeing a lot of a lot of independent adult performer personalities do with their brands that don’t have like a the safe for work personas online and then a not-safe-for-work personas online and they will just wear a bunch of different hats and be like Jack’s and Jill’s of all trades in Renaissance men and women and just developed a huge you know YouTube type of following and also could be like having little teasers for pornhub or whatever and so yeah hopefully that you all can can scale up and just kind of like you said be a fucking play again infect every fucking stuff yeah for sure man and you said it best to I’m we have actually been doubling on YouTube on Wii with Channel called Trigger Happy I got to get you into Fun trouble well so is there a do you have it I would I would love to if each of you all had a Manifesto on your journey to the profile so that you know people could that’s kind of like how they did the Gwar thing right they said they had an origin story and they kind of had like they’re just rude and crude fucking coming days relatively new but yeah you definitely have the right idea everybody comes from a very unique background to wait to post this until you have the website up and running and then I can link to it and it can be a seamless experience and go and check it out that’s going to be awesome yeah yeah man I don’t think I’ll be longer than I’ll maybe Saturday we’ll have it all posted up on the website Cool all right, it’ll be on the main page Okay cool so tell us about your mysterious many what how did you evolve personally to get to to get to this point of fat that’s a hell of a story where do I start guess I was but I was bullied a lot in school and one thing led to another and I got into professional wrestling just to kind of stand up for myself and professional wrestling lead to getting into stomach work quite a bit and I was inspired a lot when I was a kid by like the Indiana Jones stunt show at Disney World and the crazy story of how it all came together but one thing led to another I got like a big following in the professional wrestling circuit and that’s what led me to want to start my own kind of parity quote and would that part of leg was born through the call aspect of it all like trying to build a following in that sell up the tube sites and all this girl into it so fucking cool man I miss something that just died just resonate with which is it everybody out there is in denial that they are trying to build the cult of personality around an idea that they have that they think is worthy of other people you know giving a time of day to and the the level of transparency that she have about like that I just thought it was Dirty parody cold and just be real enough to put words in your mouth but I really respect that and I really think we should just if we were more honest about the really you if you if you have a creative idea and your wealth with for one there’s a difference of two types of people almost in this world I think it’s like you have producers and consumers you know and if you’re not making a movie out of your life Urban going to be an extra in someone else’s life movie and that’ll be all she wrote you know so so you can stand up yeah you have your idea you birth your EBT you have your brainchild and your you create a monster and if you want people to participate in the in the cult of your band or the cult of your your graffiti art or the cold or whatever it is there’s no shame in that and the only shame is when everybody isn’t their own coat here you know the only shame as if you were you’re not also doing your own thing and rotating that the attention that power so I thought I’d like this ensemble cast that you created and you may be the founder but doesn’t sound like you’re the o’mighty overlord is going to be hypnotized and manipulate people of sounds like people have a lot of autonomy and it’s more of a saturated cold if you will Geico life worth writing about with right somebody else’s life story well that’s a good one yeah and then Jim Morrison said did you have a good world when you died Jim Morrison and get stuff and get stuff for me about if you don’t want to tell the story of how you expatriate it and is that appropriate to share or what was that you want to tell the story of cuz you’re no longer in that did you expatriate from the US or you can you tell that story of where you’re you got relocated oh yeah yeah yeah I can do that no problem I’m currently living down in arequipa Peru and I got married back in 2015 and sleep I was taking care of my grandparents to lay passed away and decided to just move here with my wife instead not a very interesting story okay so now it’s I’m frustrated because you’re there you get to observe is like so you’re deep cover operative Tortas and sodomy doing this very taboo and in in Latin America you don’t fuck around and break with the Catholic Church you know there’s serious fucking mobster mafia-style death squads all connected to that shit and I will be I will be scared shittless fbe rocking that boat yet you all are doing a very blessed me and I’m sending my prayers to you to have all the protection that you need but I’m just curious if you have a sense of operational security around you know the there being any kind of backlash that isn’t just you know what backlash from people who are like real extreme haters that they might want to you know that you might want to be Detroit wheel and consider a threat I’m just curious if you have like a if you guys are fucking training with weapons and your bad ass isn’t going to be able to fucking slice-and-dice anybody that steps in your path or what right you had to take that shit very seriously and no I wouldn’t say there’s any training or protection needed men we like the open about it we’re not really scared we like being in people’s faces so you want them to know standing there with bells on that’s cool you know I also it’s a notice something interesting doing a lot of webcamming myself is that there seems to be a huge underground industry of webcamming Studios all throughout Latin America because I would assume that I’m not to be classes store a racist but I would assume that just a car like the it not everybody is going to have a super-fast Wi-Fi you know in their home not everybody’s going to have that all of the equipment needed so there’s more of like a of a camping Studio industry that I see where it looks like there’s groups of friends and couples you know it won’t show up and and basically give the house they’re cut but then they will have their show and I’ll do the county show and they’re just more just more of a studio based business model than like a home-based business model that you have in quote-unquote more developed countries and I could be totally projecting I could be totally wrong Lion Inn in misinformed and in presumptions about that but if that is the case where that makes me very interested to explore and discover is like what I witnessed on these webcamming sites is literally these collectives and teams there is like one called the best friends team or something and I think they were competing against each other for the most tips in a session whatever witnessing this new team sport of young people expressing themselves sexually in figuring out the most beautiful and elegant yogic configurations of mutual pleasure and orgies and just watching them add more logs for the fire and is a we haven’t seen this on Earth for thousands of years and it’s all coming out because of the financial incentive of webcamming where people who are rich basically and developed country term so-called are able to shower money onto the impoverished young people and hopefully not minors that’s you know knock on wood that they’re doing appropriate age verification but is it but what’s happening is that there’s a financial incentive to break every fucking Christian taboo of homosexuality and I’m watching beautiful friends doing all kinds of freaky by sexual stuff with no shame whatsoever and they’re just laughing and smiling and carrying on like you’ve never seen anybody and four Americans are on antidepressants it’s because they’re not they’re not having team sport webcamming sessions with all the male and female and trans friends like these blessed souls in South America near you’re not wrong you’re actually very very correct somebody puts their house up basically and they have a good internet connection and computer Hino capable of me know doing the camping and dumb they they kind of just like ask around for like models and couples and they come over and they do their thing for a few hours and the next couple comes in and I’m letting something that happens a lot here in South America Peru is kind of a conservative country although it’s some getting a lot more open lately but I noticed the profiles from Colombia Argentina and Brazil but a lot of those are actually Venezuelans and I’m sure you’ve heard about the political problems and oppression there right now so a lot of them are coming from Venezuela and masking their eye peas and make it look like they’re from his other countries that helps a lot but you’re totally correct about them the house internet sharing with friends I would love to make a good net fix the Netflix documentary about this phenomenon cuz I was on that I will be on camming and I would just be in order to keep myself aroused you know I would just be like thumbing through other people camping at the same time and sometimes you even be looking at each other at the same time from across the world like like working working yourself into a frenzy just like looking in the first night I just I’m on there like they’re with their on my stream and I’m on there seem like we’re actually fucking like don’t even know but we’re like beating up to each other. It’s just it’s so interesting man it’s like so social diesel Viagra and bring it back to you and then for no plague is that have you thought about creating a dedicated stream where you have different models come on under that title or maybe they have their own James but they going to represent the brand and so there’s like a a sort of aggregate Network effect true prophets and play games on whenever you watch a video on the tube sites we have the promotional links and advertising and if applicable it’ll take you to that models a webcam channeling opiate ChatterBait or jam.for wherever they come from most of our models are webcam models cool man that now I’m going to eat that’s going to cost me a few a few hundred hours in my life catching up on what I’m missing out on this because this is and it’s so cool and so interesting and fun and I guess I get bored easily with the typical whatever porn whatever camming and so if there’s this sort of cult conspiracy cabal thing happening it’s growing in in kind of fun taking over and eventually you know could be some sort of a revolution and then that’s very exciting hell yeah it’s happening man for sure cool and well I would yeah I’d say I’m like this is now something I’m extremely thrilled about almost more than anything else I’m aware of going on I’m pretty pretty bored with a lot of the things that I’ve been involved in for a long time so it says it’s especially exciting as a as things continue to grow and develop feel free to hit me up and would love to have you back on or if you have other other prophets that would like to come on but it’s an open invitation or anyone else Affiliated I think this is really something I would like to to keep stay aware of into to help promote and certainly they had the spirit of punk and a spirit of Gwar you know I love to just go in there is the notion of poetic terrorism you know when you can take that to be artistic you can just take that it’s like we don’t you know the pain is mine oh you know what I realized if you if you heard the expression the pen is mightier than mightier than the sword what happens if you take the space out between 10 and is between pain and Ms I can see if you was at there’s a typo if it was a typo and you forgot to add the space between those two words how would that read the pen mightier than the sword but don’t take out is just take out the space between pain and is penis the penis muscle that’s my new motto that’s awesome in every book of the Bible to pee so like the first one is Genesis and exodus Gods coming then well yeah again let’s let’s follow up in the future and and I’m glad to be a vector of this this plague transmission and hopefully whoever is listening to this and your blood’s been boiling and you know your ear your hair is turning white and you’re just mortified that I would be so so loose in my my spiritual correctness well this is this is something for you too to meditate on deeply into really appreciate that this is the this is the The Reaping of what was selling by by the sex negativity so we’re going to we’re going to come at you and it’s going to be raw and fun no I had a blast man I think we have a lot in common and you just bringing me back to some of the The Glory Days of when I had even when I had more brass balls you know my balls are getting a little bit jaded a little bit tarnished to it over the years we could polish them off make shiny brass balls again I am here man cool man all right will any other things you want to share again once again give the websites and and then we’ll call the show oh yeah I know that about do it man I just want to say I really appreciate you inviting me on to spend fun talking to somebody who’s similar minded and that about do anything cool and so that’s porno play calm and all of your all of the other sites are just link from there so people should just start there and go down the rabbit hole that’ll work well I appreciate looking forward to the updates and we’ll be in touch soon and take care and have a good one Township Park. Calm and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition assassini and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple after bite Tikka logical employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Country Park. Com Thomas Day

 

Living the Dreams and Nightmares of Open Relationships with Mac Styles TPP206

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Mac Styles Pic

In this episode I’m joined by a new friend and fan of the podcast Mac Styles for an epic adventure into the deep mysteries of love, relationships, romance, jealousy, multiple partners, threesomes, marriage, family, and beyond. His book Sex, Chicken and CoCo Butter chronicles his journey of standing up to the limiting dominant sexy paradigm, and literally fighting for his life in the struggle to love and live freely.

We get a behind the scenes look at the mechanics of opening up a relationship and able able to learn from his hard lessons and apply his wisdom to our own experiments and explorations into more wild and free love styles.

I had a great time going along for the ride, his story contains all the makings of a great adult comedy movie, sit com, talk show, reality show, etc. I can’t wait to see the book grow in popularity and help countless people develop more holistic strategies to get their sexual, emotional, financial, and spiritual needs met.

About the book:

Sex, Chicken and CoCo Butter is a narrative taken from the pages of the author’s journals during the five years of learning about different sex lifestyles, including: BDSM, polyamorous, and swinging. Streaming from sex addiction he and his wife at the time, went through a lot of trials and tribulations creating events you couldn’t believe. The author generously opens up his life and relationships to showcase for readers the power relationships with people can have in their lives. The stories talk about people in different sexual lifestyles and life experiences to show a practice not so uncommon and with mistakes that shouldn’t be repeated. The author’s viewpoint will help readers look at their own lives and relationships who practice different sexual lifestyles. The book is definitely not all positive vibes, the author shares many parts of life that are downright hard, and will deepen the impact of a positive outlook on the reader’s relationships. First time author Mac Styles lived every moment on every page of this story and now leads a more relaxed life taking the lessons learned, studying more about these different sex styles, moving on with his life and practicing building healthier relationships.

Facebook page:  www.facebook.com/authormacstyles

You can buy on amazon here! https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Chicken-CoCo-Butter-Styles/dp/1097724883

About Mac:

Originally from Fresno California Mac grew up with a love for writing. Though a difficult childhood he experienced many difficult experiences, witnessing rapes, deaths, and drugs. Masters in Homeland Security, Bachelors in Organizational Management of Criminal Justice, and Certification in Human Resource he has made it far past he ever thought he would as a 10th grade drop out. His writings are taken from his personal life but surrounding his relationships and sexual frustrations, formed in a way to take you on a journey with him. Joining the military at the age of 19 travelled the world and experienced different cultures with a woman whom he also married at the age of 19.

Mac suffered in his relationships due to a sexual addiction that plagued his relationships because of a lack of understanding and experience. Though guidance and mediation being able to channel that energy and focus it in a positive manner has inspired his writings in hopes to have people understand relationships are stronger than you could believe if honesty and sincerity is the base.

Through the last 5 years Mac has practiced BDSM and polygamous relationships and recently over the last 2 years shown an interest in tantra and energy work. Being deployed overseas has been challenging but through different mentors in Europe and a strong passion for understanding he seeks to spread what he has learned to prevent the mistakes he’s done in the past.

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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello their beloveds welcome to Township on podcast episode number 206 that being joined by a Mack Stiles and he has been a fan of the podcast and we’ve he said some some kind words and reached out and I’m always interested in having folks who honor me with their kind of tension to share feel like they have a form to share the projects are working on until I get some feedback and hopefully some some attention from the audience and so with that said Mac thank you for joining me excited to hear about what you’re working on and and your backstory Beth amazing Gaston I’ve learned so much from you and I appreciate the offer on your podcast I wrote a book about my introduction into the lifestyle and it was really it expanded into so many different directions I started out as you would say walking around in the dark so to speak on not knowing which way to go as a young adolescent I got married at really young age are married at 18 because of the military so I had to bring my girlfriend with me so we moved into went to high school and went to Spain travel the world saw things but I just wasn’t wasn’t happy sexually if there was no communication between me and my wife and I just kind of logged all that as as we’ve been through and it turned into be pretty good look I’m getting good feedback and I’m returning to be a Lessons Learned book on what not to do and its raw form I was in writing the book you know I I was going to have somebody to chop it up a lot and edit it and everything but I kept in their claws for I’m just checking to see what you get out of the book is really from a Tuesday on an introduction into Queen Polly Polly life and BDSM that sounds great so yeah you know it’s good to hear that there’s people out there who actually showing some of the Shadow men certainly the struggles to get to that point so do you want to tell us kind of give us an overview of the contents of the book and some zoom into some of the highlights from the the journey to opening up and I’m and how are you all reconciled or didn’t reconcile the lifestyle change I’m so the the journey really really really begins when I meet when we go when I travel back to the FaceTime you another woman my wife at the time we had everything like we had the money we have the car as we had an amazing house six-bedroom house do you know that you had kids and all aspects of the world we were living the American dream but I we weren’t communicating with us every time we would get something in return to a fight and you see that in the book so really as soon as I found someone that was open and gave me the power to do what I wanted that it was like a magnet and all she needed to say was I think you need to tie me up and I was on it and you know Google is amazing if you know that look for but if you don’t know what to do and your girlfriend tells you say I think is it time yet the first thing normal people do regular people do would be go to Pornhub or spec site and and try to study what they were doing so there’s there was no real education for me in this realm I was just kind of going off of it and you’ll see later in the book that I found a mentor and then I have the Battle of fighting my ego and listening to everyone in their twenties and early thirties think they know it all so to speak so I’m I go through a process of learning and eventually now I’m a lot calmer cuz of Tantra meditation and and listen to the other plate other podcast study more about what I was doing wrong on the reconciliation I eventually for the divorce mostly because of the separation or I have been done been deployed now for four years and was just wasn’t getting any better so I still love her I love her to death. I have nothing but good things for I want the best for my my beautiful girls at two beautiful girls so I wish nothing but I love her to death but it’s just not a marriage situation that I’m looking for Taurus zodiac few things to catch up on their it sounds very interesting and very evolved that can just tell in your voice that you’ve put a lot of effort into this and it sounds like you know I’ve said for a while that’s if only we put as much emphasis on training and coaching for the sexuality Arts as we do for sports and violence than we would have really balanced cultures and really satisfied people in in and maybe some relationships would be will be healthier so going back to what you were saying what you were doing wrong all along what I’m curious what what do you want now looking back do you feel like we’re some of your the mistakes that you made and your journey so folks who are also starting off can learn from your wisdom and save them spare themselves are learning things the hard way so to speak that I was trying to protect my wife by lying to her like that I need it I knew that if I talk to a fight but when she found out alive we were fighting anyways so from me it was trying to protect the woman that I love and that I want to be with but I just wasn’t happy sexually so trying to communicate better and pushing that it seem like no matter what I did I wasn’t going to happen so but it’s not going to happen either way if you don’t communicate it then it’s not going to happen if you do it behind our backs and it’s the trail and it’s even worse though in through the rest of that run women are so strong and can put up with a live there in love with that person communication and studying and not being ashamed to get a mint or somebody who’s done it before I could have avoided a lot of misery if I would have listened to my mentor and been a lot more honest with the things that I was doing you’ll see in the book are there was there was some times that I love my girlfriend way more than I should have loved my way more than I love my wife at the time cuz I was I was just happy that power of that feeling of happiness that overcomes you is very powerful and learning how to balance that with with a family and a wife and trying to be trying to have things if you want it was very difficult we were we were a poly couple for probably about 8 months to a year and it worked out really well but at the end I was I was lied to the wrong situation and it ended up being exasper so you’re saying that you were that you had basically what people would consider an affair right he had an affair with somebody who who was on a more open path and you’re starting to experience kind of an out-of-the-box thinking sexually and have some of your frustrated desires be fulfilled and that was that was happy but then that you’re saying that that relationship that probably Affair relationship ended badly that there was something at the failed error. Right time of year that was the what’s the difference is where I would probably still be with the girlfriend if I if I wasn’t so far away but yeah we were after after I have the affair then I have the great idea of bringing the girlfriend to the wife and that one over horribly at first but then threw time he has a marriage counseling and and after she almost tried to kill me a few times she pulled a gun on me she tried to stab me and it just got really that really dramatic there for a little while and I was your wife is a Griffin girlfriend in love with out for about a year and we are all together having fun and I had a blast Republic happiest I’ve ever been enough when I kind of decided that was I wanted that lifestyle poly rope that poly lifestyle and and now I’m able to do that I’m able to I’m able to balance that and and have no type of relationship lessons learned of being open and honest and expressing what I want what I need wow that that is amazing that should be a sitcom that should be I mean really you that’s the American dream having your cake and eating it too and and and actually do it like you should you didn’t she didn’t kill you you cheated run away you didn’t run away you didn’t you didn’t leave your kids you know you didn’t you actually stayed and manned up and held your post down and ran your business of being a family man and and you sustained her wave of rage and then now I’m super interested in how you were able to master that transition of integration and transmuting her that Rage of hers into acceptance like that is what we all I thought I would say all straight or straightish men or whatever you know if wish that they could have your cake and eat it too and have what in the poly Community they call in re new relationship energy and think that’s a nice way of I mean the there’s there’s lots of I think really proactive and emotionally intelligent new terms that are coming out from the Poliwhirl like compersion about you know the opposite of jealousy actually enjoying seeing pleasure happened with someone who love that it’s in your in your just avoid her or you just know about it and feeling good about a resin bad and this other notion of new relationship energy the old Paradigm would be from a negative Place saying oh you you hate me you sick of me you don’t want me you want some BLS I’m shit so I’m going to be suicidal and homicidal now as opposed to being like Oh new relationship energy I get it I seek that too I feel like seduced in excited by that every time I walk out the front door and actually went to go and favor and then had tacos and margaritas after it was as if it was a very Twisted web and I look forward to turn into some type of thick, movie or something cuz it was it’s a really good read I’ve got nothing but good reviews I’m not the greatest the book isn’t the greatest as far as the sexy and then there’s the second in there but it’s it’s in there for a reason when when we connected like there’s a scene where me and my wife and my girlfriend I’ll get a room at a hotel and we’re having a good time together and my wife is in her face and I’m and I’m you know having sex with my girlfriend and we all connect and it’s perfect like that feel like I was on top of the world and then my wife went to the bathroom and then me and my girlfriend who really like really getting it in life turn around the corner and saw that I was enjoying myself basically without her and she flipped the script she ran to the car so let me in a hotel you know 3/4 miles away from the 3-4 hours away from the house and it was just a complete disaster so we went through all of that so endure that and put up with a lot of those things as isn’t far-fetched that’s that was the old way this is even more if it’s even more exciting cuz I think this is like it’s so I feel like figuring out how to get to Mars on figuring out how to have cold fusion even World Peace it’s like making I think we’ll get this feels like it’ll be sooner and you would appreciate this from you know you’re at your career is it like it’s like it’s more likely almost I think that that we will all come together and meltdown all of the national borders sing Kumbaya and forget all of the religious conflicts before women in these situations and men but people in these situations will actually not be psychotic around sharing each other’s body with other people like and it seems like if we saw that if we can figure out how to solve that then these other bigger issues of world peace and and green technology and you know economics like I think they’re all going to flower and Blossom from these bedroom issues so if you could I would love to to zoom into that because you know iPhone I’ve been dancing on those eggshells you know and and really studying these interpersonal Dynamics and I’m trying to figure out how to find those harmonious interactions among the women wear the obsessiveness over who gets the man and who gets the majority of the man’s wealth which is what is the bigger subconscious thing to me especially if you have the kids I mean it’s an economic bargain you know on your it’s it’s there’s so much going on there about who is going to take the Lion’s Share literally the Lion’s Share of like what efforts were talking about a more Primal State it’s like the economics of your the stud and you come back with a kill and of course you’re going to share with everybody but there’s going to be a sort of hierarchy of who you share it with which members of the clan or the tribe of the band in the psych those sexual politics around around resource-sharing they get they can get very tricky but there is a sweet spot and I think we used to know how to be very women to you know they could bargain with their with their sexuality and men with bargain with their sexuality and we’re just going to such a high-stakes game now where if you did if you did fall in love with someone else I would say that I would imagine the logic of your wife is that I’m going to be homeless at the soup kitchen line with my kids being taken away by the state if this guy if this guy has more pleasure with someone else I am at risk of losing my you know my Empire or you know the queendom of the kingdom of whatever so could you talk about your just get really deep into the as much as you can you know you care to share that isn’t too you know confidential or whatever route what you were learning from the conscious and subconscious conflicts between the women over you and your resources and your cock and your love in your heart I would say that you’re right on about the Primal Instinct there because she didn’t give up even give up a lot of jealous thing did a lot of you would say things were okay but then we came to do them we would fight for it almost did not let things things sexually between us started getting better because of the competition we were having sex almost every day I I was and no secret Manor will I ever go to sleep tight back and there was no conversation on anything outside of that so once I got the girlfriend things became very very interesting she started finding the swingers party she started trying to compete and make you happy so I would that would agree with you in the fact that I started to pick up after that getting down deeper I think both of them really love me and help me out in the situation cuz I didn’t have a father either I was there when I didn’t have a family member to turn to if they hate my life who was amazing but it only get you so far until you run out of this is Uncharted Territory for me and I don’t know what to do wow this is even this is just continuing the flow and get more amazing your Vista Camanche is because I mean I have I’ve sacrificed a lot to avoid a lot of you situations and but you had The Bravery to go through it and live it and and you know I’ve been I’ve been a fugitive on the run from some of the most excited women who have just made me very I would say hesitant to to get into those deeply embedded financial and and and familial relationship relationship dynamics that make it like so explosive and destructive when things go go wrong you know so I have like the time has been good for me because it does give you that sort of permission and exaltation to not be a householder and do your spiritual path and devote up to vote one lifetime or you know however many you want but it’s like you want to walk away from the village and go be a freaky you know you know Shaman Mystic out in the mountains or whatever like that’s cool you know and then you might have some insights that can trickle back down and and serve people who are living that really routinized family life and so you kind of you give them both so that makes you a hero and contract terms a Time trick hero for doing the spiritual work and the family work and in an opening up so I applaud you for that for sure and I want to ask you also know about so this is very very interesting when you what you just and this would definitely be like an important part of a film script r or a playwright you know where you’re you’re really exposing something that we all know about which is you know you could call him any different things but for lazy sex or just going through the motion sex or even what one of my partner said when I was becoming, not so much a Lazy Lover but it wasn’t like you said we weren’t talking it wasn’t knew it was like the same as just became the same fucking thing and it was like in in the the pockets of time in between work and commuting and chores and whatever and it just was not sacred it wasn’t scheduled it wasn’t really high energy and it was done when we were exhausted and all we could do is just lay there on her fucking sides at a point so yeah I could you can talk more about that because I think we all get in that trap and if that’s what kills everything you know cuz afterwards she enjoyed it she enjoyed doing the party enjoyed playing with other girls and experiencing that but it took it took a lot to me to find another girlfriend that was do it openly and that it would be okay for us to get to that point and it should have never experienced those things together instead of the why am I not enough why can’t you just be satisfied with me constant discussion that was whatever to always go back to 2 the wheel of boredom in inconstant didn’t answer that routine was a war I have everything I had the family the kids cars that I were in that aspect of life I would have been content but I just the routine was killing me something to break me out of that routine I went for it I was happy in that power that work happy is very very powerful you want to stay somewhere. The woman that I was with the girlfriend didn’t have all those things you were the borderline alcoholic and I couldn’t talk to you if you were my friend and turn made her want to do more and the Twisted the story towards the end is she made me get rid of the girlfriend found a new girlfriend and I was supposed to be for both the bus with him leaving me tell me if you want to divorce you didn’t have time later but ended up having another girlfriend and not include me in it not coming home you know how I dealt with that in the book was probably not the right answer either cuz I wouldn’t say I was jealous but when your wife doesn’t come home and she’s off with the girlfriend everyday and I got a taste of my own medicine I ended up going back with the girlfriend and then we started to start living her life with her girlfriend I was with my life with my girlfriend and family Dave do both kind of sit in the house and plan on each other and in that aspect I think that was stuck with the most was with my kids with my grandma with their grandma or my family by my wife not coming home yeah man this is this is so interesting honestly feel like this is what if America hadn’t been so grotesquely addicted to the toxic drama and that was being screwed by Jerry Springer imagine if Jerry Springer was actually a ton trick Master healer BDSM coach all those things and he would actually facilitate group orgies on stage and it would just you know it would go x-rated after a certain point you know it could be a he’s actually stirring up an and reinforcing all of the negative sex sex negative homophobic like like those I just think about every Jerry Springer episode if I could have been there to counterbalance what with a paradigm that was being maintained by Jerry Bengston we will be talking we will be all having these Oprah like crying her eyes out give me a box of tissues moments of like people actually realizing hey it’s okay to like see another man naked fucking her wife if it’s okay to you no have a girlfriend cuz your boy because your husband has a girlfriend and you want to have your own thing like and just actually thinking these things out well maybe that was great for grandma because she wanted to hang out with the kids for well well this is not mean seriously this is needs to be the night the new enlightened thing because people can learn a lot from this and I’m really fascinated by the like I feel like if there’s if there’s anything on my run has a lot about now it’s about it’s about like showing initiate women into the mystery of not necessary lesbianism but at least bisexuality so that they see what they’ve been missing out on and it sounds like you were so successful that almost backfired on you but I feel like I want to say that’s a good problem to have because you know what I think is so beautiful about bisexuality is that is that it short-circuits that I have to be everything to you script because if you know somebody’s but like if I know a woman’s bike actual I will know that I can never ever be more than 50% of meeting her needs and so I can be content with that and I don’t have to consume all of her and control her and find her I can be like yeah I know I’m only going to be like half the battle of you know when it comes to your your your love and sex life so I’m cool with that and going to win on these things yet go out for now go up on what just the the process of the other process of what I guess what it was like for you to facilitate the initiation of a woman into like had she ever been with women before was a totally new to her when she totally freaked out by it and then she warmed up or I had expressed a little what I wanted and she said that she was curious but and you wanted to do the thing every time the situation came up it was always the first the very first woman that we were able to have a girl on her phone and talked and acted as my wife basically saying hey come help me with this dick and I swear to God it wasn’t it wasn’t five minutes because she was knocking on the door blanket and pillow ready to have some drinks and get it in but my wife and then and then but then my wife was like no I have to make sure my mom has all all the tax information if you need to find excuse for everything what I wanted and he’s going to do it for me so she took a deep breath is a story of the spot for a couple weeks and then we did it again and then there was some funny story that you start this the woman is going to have rules of what you want what what makes me the wife what makes me more special than her why or whatever so her rule was I couldn’t I couldn’t eat out another girl we went out to a is going into the book too but we went out to the club and we all had a good time I wasn’t drinking cuz I was with you. But once we got to see if I binge drank and base with this plan blacked out and she I don’t remember much of anything so I don’t drink much anymore like to do it myself but he was so mad cuz I guess I hadn’t the girl out and she was so mad you left outside and she thought she locked herself outside in time we were on the beach and in the naked woke up naked outside and I ended up waking up and she wasn’t there and hand that turned into this situation was a lot harder otherwise this was a lot easier this process is a lot harder Because You Loved Me a lot of jealousy involved but I think that if I would have been a lot more able to communicate what I wanted and make sure that she felt more special and I gave her something where I pay more attention to her than it would have been in love with love and respect those things that I wanted would have been I don’t think that I was doing that as a husband I was cuz I was bored I was upset I was mad at the fact that every time you try to do something so I wasn’t getting money for filled and I definitely wasn’t feeling her and there was the conflict of you want to do this for me but afterward they haven’t benefit out of it now I’m right now I’m I’m able to realize by the person needs attention in this matter if holidays and and then I need to pay more happy to give you those things yeah that says a lot right there because you know I think that’s the that’s the secret and that’s The Sweet Spot and it’s really a paradox because a lot of times it’s like people don’t seek that new relationship energy until the nest is is fouled and and it’s like in a perfect world it would be a preventive it’s like one ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure you know so stay hey we know we’re going to get bored with each other the the honeymoon phase is going to wear off we’re going to really start like looking over each others shoulders you know as we kiss and because we know that’s inevitable let’s actually set up those parameters now and figure out what we got to do to have the most solid and secure primary family Corps Duty responsibility relationship happening and that way it’s always adding a bonus and it’s not feeling like it’s it’s exploiting a weakness to to to have the new relationship energy in it and you know a perfect world we would all be doing that but it’s almost like in the shin hurts like people have this aversion to two contracts you know how they say like by like the saying contracts are going to save more friendships and they’re going to destroy even if it’s things like borrowing a few bucks you know what I mean like people think are no contracts that’s for strangers and people who don’t trust each other know it’s for fucking everybody and every one of your other podcast you were talking about remember that remember that new love feeling look what you did to make that person feel special or the things that made each other happy because like you said that like the other podcast back towards the end of the you know when the love is gone and the feeling is gone and they don’t remember how to make that person to do that way again and that is a lot of the writing that I’m doing now to the things that are working is what been taught me today to put in number two in and how I developed them came from the wandering in the dark to the light sand and opening my third eye so to speak in the realm of well I will again I’m really touched knowing that I’m having this affect tinnitus that you know this is really the I feel like so much of the work that I do is like really sci-fi and it’s kind of like something that should be quarantined into a very no Dark Sector of research on human sexuality but really the fruits the fruits of that composting that the sewage of the human no experience should be that we have way more happy and healthy standards for getting our needs Madden for avoiding the really toxic and negative things that that turn into different forms of abuse so you know what to hear you talk about it really been able to apply some of the the more sunny day bright shiny happy stuff that I can talk about it’s really it’s really nursing for me to hear that cuz that’s just yeah man we should we should not be we should not be feeling like Humanity was born yesterday with all the stuff you know like every generation should be building on more wisdom and so thank you for doing this this great work it’s so brave of you to have explored this and now I’m really excited about the book I hope you have a great voice to would you consider doing an audiobook version for those of us who are so so multitasking and Hyper testing that we can’t barely slowed down at my editing skills are probably not up to par really should be so yes I am but I’m definitely going to and I want to write the script I really went through so much I don’t think there’s ever going to be a movie out there at the live the life that I live the during actually wrote this years ago and in the process of everything but I was too nervous and do the same dance to at all these emotions surrounding that that it was impossible to publish but I feel like I’ve grown into another person so to speak that I am not that person anymore and I can learn to that other people shouldn’t have to go through for sure man so also yeah happy to go for another few minutes and and get into the other sort of this the subplot or if this was a movie you know you would get the scenes of you and your personal Agony and your personal process and then the the scenes of the two women that you’ve introduced in the storyline and their private worlds and their ways of dealing with things and then all the just the snapchats that you would get from the different triangle Dynamics but there is like a another character which is kind of the Medicare actor and that is the mentor you speak of so could you tell us about how that relationship development evolved and then how that started to inform you and certainly I think most importantly when you say that if you would only had that meant to her earlier on you would have made these mistakes I’m super curious what that meant to or told you later that you would have applied that would have made these things work better in addition to what you said about how you just you know you could have kept it clean her house as far as the beekeeping the relationship more secure but yeah whatever you got from that let’s hear that and there was two speeches is being kind of Taboo in the area so I opened a swinging Groupon on social media and if we rushed it was doing amazing I was having parties before it was everything that I wanted but I want entertainment at my party so I started searching out for performed or something along those lines and I met up with a guy who was offering that service and he turned out to be a great friend of time and he started telling me about his role as a Dom and just started like Steve college and I was like I had no idea that was just deep and then I started diving into more of the DSM stuff because my girlfriend wanted it I really didn’t know what I was doing last night so he would he would teach me really the mental game of things that I stood 50 doing as far as paying attention or even different techniques with DSM how to flush don’t know how hot I mean it can be taught to do it correctly or where is the Rope play is I’m still learning that I’m I’m going to a lesson on Thursday so I mean there’s so much to learn in this realm how to be better and what to do better there’s always something new to learn from I mean if you go to summon to you I guess DSM Fire play and all that kind of you have to be able to look for a little boy got me to the point where I was able to pinpoint different person sign in to make sure that she came quickly or I could pressure point then he was very educational land and taught me a lot of very humbled to he was a good Mentor at the time that’s cool I’m glad to hear that and I think that should go that should serve as a public service announcement that end in the sometimes underground sometimes more above ground but but certainly in the adult communities there is a lot of mentorship available and a lot of camaraderie and solidarity and people are very open and very excited to share and to greet new people in the yeah I think as men it’s must much less that is as in with all sectors I think it’s much less predatory and you would have you would have less of a of a chance of having a bad experience you know just showing up to a play party or a dungeon or whatever so I would say if any if it if to the young women who are listening to this you know use the buddy system because not not everybody out there and in these Realms has your best interest at heart and maybe you want to go for that hike if it’s your thing to be you know put into into risky situations then I’m not going to you no say there’s anything wrong with you but I would say that there is there’s a lot more good than bad I think that if the case could be made that it’s the it’s the the vanilla Society where the Shady stuff happens because there are no rules no is no discussion and Consciousness so it’s probably probably safer in a dungeon then on the street or at a club member always welcome and always willing to teach and I’m sure what they got what they want to do and I’m watching normally at those type of education welcome to learn from each other so and I definitely don’t put yourself into a situation where there is locked door is too and I’ve been doing this now for seven or eight years and I rarely have been experiencing some bad experiences in my book because there’s there’s a couple where drugs does the party than I thought things were going to get out of control but I was able to calm him down and then the situation is still out there but more often than not wanting to pass their knowledge so definitely keep out the mentorship and and if you have any questions yeah I find somebody that I found them by the accident but knowing that you can go to those those website and type in words you can find pray I’ll survive well this is really been a treasure and unfortunately the audio quality has been phasing in and out which I think we should talk again sometime and and if I go up and see if we can get a better audio call you but I will do my best to get this to to sound as good as I can but I think that overall the the vibe is set and I feel like it’s a it’s even more of a teaser that it’s like oh my God I just want to I want it I want to hear this whole story I told you this totally and that is a good spin on some trouble that I got myself into but section and you can find it on the page author next by Kool and I will do you want to give so that was good enough for just for people to find it do you have an exact homepage website or just Google search Amazon right now but there’s no other book that I can find that sex chicken and cocoa butter cocoa butter yes that is it sounds like a fun evening yeah can’t wait to know what that with that actually is is talking about so I do want to say and respect life has been nothing but supportive and because we put I put a lot of the you know the secret lives on on post are on on blast and then so she’s been very supportive and loving and I think she’s growing as a person to so I want to commit to her in the mail my ex girlfriend because they’ve both been so amazing so in support of something that was a secret world 2 at one time yeah thank you for saying that I actually have a book that is in editing with the publisher right now and I can say the same thing like I just want to thank everybody who I gave a fictitious name to but basically totally exposed in and put a spotlight on you know hopefully was all for all of our growth and evolution and and for sure man I’m glad that that’s working out for you and who knows maybe she’ll hit me up and be like hey I wrote a book to Bam here’s the other kids riding her but everything okay you come come with your book and then you fucking like man this is so constructed like thank you for being constructed with this this usually goes in such terrible horrific and then the children are always the ones who are victimized the worst when when adults don’t have their their bedroom game figured out right so you know so right on that will I wish you the best and yet hope you feel all so you know that you’re you’re fighting the good fight out there in the world and I wish you the best in that department and she have any other words you want to share the clothes that’s great but I think you did a great a great job and thanks for for sharing everything is really a blast thank you was an honor you for listening to the touch of Time Podcast please go to www.crunch.com and click on the Donate button to help support the shop in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple after bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Country Park. Com Thomas gay

 

Proof of Love Ep. 7 Tantric Sex with Ben Tantra Punk Rebroadcast TPP193

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Ben Tantra Punk PicIn this episode I share a rebroadcast of my interview on the Proof of Love podcast, below is the original show notes, please subscribe to Proof of Love!

What can one say about a crypto tantric episode other than wow.  This is our spiciest Proof of Love yet! Ben Tantra Punk joined Stephanie and I to discuss this ancient practice.  In between a few laughs and blushes, we get a great overview of tantric lovemaking, how it’s different from regular lovemaking, the history of why there is tantric sex in the first place, and the joys of the female orgasm.  We went a bit over on time, but I don’t think you will mind with this subject matter! We need more love in our lives, and this episode will show you how to put some of these teachings into practice, even if calling each other goddess in bed is a little uncomfortable.

About the Guests:

Ben Tantra Punk is a sex worker, feminist porn performer, certified permaculture designer, certified tantric counselor, author, film maker, and recording artist. He’s found healing and empowerment through sacred loving arts, ecological gardening, shamanism, ecstatic trance dancing, martial arts, and open source technology. His ongoing independent short film series, Sexorcism the Tantric Opera, was launched in early 2017. It tells his story of recovery from childhood sexual trauma, adolescent sex trafficking, and the path of a wounded healer. His first book, Psychedelic Goddess Worship: Erotic Memoirs from the Astral Battlefield, is planned for release in late 2019.

He loves to help tantric seekers discover the infinite source of divine love from above, the eternal power and wisdom from the Earth below, and the bliss of conscious, healthy, diverse romantic relationships in between. He provides private coaching and counseling sessions online and in-person, and teaches publicly via livestream on the Ethereum powered SpankChain camsite at: https://beta.spankchain.com/TantraPunk His writings, music, podcasts, videos and contact info can be found at https://www.TantraPunk.com.

Do you have a burning question, or a show idea for us?  Please email us at tatiana@proofoflovecast.com!

AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin podcast episode number 194 I am being joined by Brian s gross of BSG public relations and he is such a jaw-dropping about page I just decided I really do this but I decided I definitely want to read this to really put the context in here because with with it that the merging of the technology space in the adult industry space and actually to give a little bit of backstory on this we connected now it’s been about 4 years or so since first actually started putting out a press release and seeking really advisement and consult consultation within the the the pr companies within the adult industry to see if there was any possibility to get some traction doing this sort of shamanic pornography and feminist porn kind of brand that I’ve been trying to develop mixing my music and video production and ethics and politics into media and so I have really been kind of putting The Feelers out into the space and Brian gave me some feedback back in the day and we have serendipitously reconnected recently and so I thought why not let’s have a butt supposed to connect in in this podcast domain and again I’m astounded by what he’s accomplished in some of the parallels in our Journeys here so I’m just going to go ahead and read the about page and then we’ll get started with the interview so Jared is BSG public relations takes a precise and strategic approach to promoting all facets of entertainment and efficient and motivated staff handles everything from intricate details of executive with City to positioning our clientele within compelling and effective media campaigns Street marketing teams and Creative Marketing efforts BSG public relations handles all avenues of communication is bringing your study to approach to marketing media and public relations with Creative Solutions that furthers the message & image of our clients we handle everything from the intricate details of executive publicity to positioning clients with compelling media campaigns we look to broaden and brand artist companies and products multi-level publicity campaigns combined with knowledge and background in every facet of entertainment media and communication the most importantly always putting the client first Brian Gross president of BSG PR has been in the service of media and public relations for over 26 years gross has been employed by company said Steve American recordings Warner Brothers records reprise records Elektra Entertainment Group Vivid Entertainment Group and such organizations as the Lollapalooza tour Brian Gross was an executive producer for Rio TX the search for Adam and Eve his background includes all facets of public and media relations working with some of the largest businesses celebrities and music acts in the world Brian thank you so much for joining me on the podcast and please tell us all about your personal Journey how did you get into this position of such influence and expertise school is my senior year and I’m a I’m a big Sports person as well and I was not good enough to make the varsity basketball team but wound up helping out with the younger teams and I want to getting fired for verbally assaulting a referee who completely screwed up a game and all of a sudden I had free time and I literally took out my CD collection which I know that sounds so funny in this day and age but went through it and started calling record labels and pretty much got blown off by many of them because I was a senior in high school they were looking for college kids and one label an independent label def American the girl who answered the phone was in the PR department and she still one of my best friends to the stay cuz she called she I said come in for an interview and before I knew it I was driving after school three days a week from Newbury Park California to Burbank to make press kits and learn all about the music industry well that is exciting so what were some of the what what are some of the bands in an album is like what were you into at the time I was definitely a classic rock kid a NuWave and I just wasn’t you know I was sort of what the radio fed me so you know I hadn’t really branched out as far as my music likings were concerned and you know early 90s you know 90 to 91 92 you realize just how there was no such a divided because you know really popular stuff was extremely poppy you were on the end of sort of the metal era you had this grunge thing happening you had this sort of underground music thing happening you had punk rock obviously happening but I grew up in the suburbs and and it just didn’t resonate with me at the time you know then you go to a record label and you start going through the CDs and you just start this massive Discovery and bands walk in and you meet people and you spend time with artists and musicians and it just completely through open a world that I was you know I was aware but I wasn’t aware to that extent and it was pretty exciting to just see the variety especially at this specific record label the variety of of music that was being put out and and how exciting it was awesome so from there so what how to tell us the story of how you evolved from the doing stuff mostly in the music and more and more General entertainment business into the adult industry which I see you have a lot of accolades from so I I mean I work my way up in the record industry from 93 to 99 I I was took a couple internships than an assistant job than a West Coast tour tour publicist West Coast Regional tour publicist job and then I saw what Napster was doing and I realized you know as a as a low man on the totem pole in the satellite office for record label I better figure something out and literally fell in my lap where two people one of which had this specific that had this position and and the other was the brother of the owner of the company hit me up and said hey you know you should interview for this job that’s going to open up to be the head of PR and marketing for a company called Vivid which I was obviously very familiar with as a young male and so the money was a lot more and the opportunity was there and it was just one of those things I was 23 and I wasn’t going to say no I couldn’t pass it up so I became the head of PR and marketing for Vivid Entertainment in the spring of 99 while you were busy absorbing all of this until from the corporate world and very established Enterprises and then you’re building essentially what will become your your own personal company and brand can you tell us about some of the some of the lessons you learned some of the highlights of of your journey along that way if kind of building your own becoming an entrepreneur as opposed to an employee working for Stephen her she had a very hands-off approach you know he wanted me to practice the way I had learned doing publicity at the record labels and bring that same approach to the adult film stars that were under contract with this company and to the company itself so I really had this sort of open book of you no opportunities and and and really just publicizing a a massive brand his thing was don’t spend any money which you know you laugh at but it was pretty when you when you eliminate budgets and you have to be creative that’s that made you have to work relationships in and put ideas out there and look for opportunities that I think in this day and age we wouldn’t even think twice about it but at the time we’re pretty groundbreaking you know so you know what that in mind it just became abaa I learned so much from that that when I went on my own I took sort of his entrepreneurship of run Dino of starting and running a massive adult entertainment company with what I learned is being a publicist and I’m just sort of found my way I had some incredible mentors the forest publicist go ahead incredible mentors who you know I went to when I started my company said how to what am I doing how do I do this you know and they were so giving and and so just easy you know so open Armon and I’m just taught me so much in a really short. Of time to where I was just off and running and getting clients and doing what I’ve been doing what I could I mean for me getting up every day and doing my job isn’t necessarily hard and I think I’m fortunate that I have that s Ellison and work ethic that I know is very challenging for many people but you know I just learned quickly I could get a lot of clients and and synergize and and do a lot for them and and just sort of Broad and from there awesome yeah I’m having flashbacks to reading a book called guerrilla marketing back when I was doing start up stuff and and it really did get a budget mattered so you had to teach you had to be creative and you had to think out-of-the-box so I can I can resonate with that and I remember one of a CEO for a company I work for has said you know the difference if there’s a difference between marketing and PR and marketing is what you say about yourself in PR is what other people say about you and you really really want to have that that perspective that that’s where the third person perspective in your printing and copying in to have it buffering so that the artists and the company’s don’t aren’t doing all of that he’s some kind of damage control I guess you could say and sometimes they just that stuff that Shameless self-promotion that people people can see through it on the on the receiving end and then on the giving end you’d rather not be tooting your own horn so much so it’s a really vital function that you play in the in the ecosystem of have any kind of business and I love to hear about just soap for people who aren’t that well versed in what a publicist does it would appear our company does tell us about the sort of day today and I’m kind of break it down for people who might not know famous for a living right you know the longer sort of breakdown of that is you know celebrities Brands companies hire a publicist to get there messaging in there and what they have to sell out there to the media which is then you know red watched listen to buy hopefully millions and increases sales increases exposure and increases the the growth of of whatever the brand or the company or the person is so it’s an aspect of marketing but it’s solely deals with sort of the public Persona and then obviously the media which radio TV print and online are the four basics of that and obviously they in this day and age you know what you know podcast would kind of be filed under radio but it’s also online it’s audio but there’s there can be a video component that can be a a written component so you have a lot of Lines Blurred when it comes to the media nowadays and I just think for me it’s important for my clients in this day and age there’s so much opportunity there so many ways to get your message out there and you know me and you know my team and and myself we look to find those opportunities finals relationships and and do everything we can for clients to to accomplish the goals that they have female except for us how’s your job gotten more difficult at all or more challenging in the age of social media where you have the potential for celebrities to put their foot in their mouth to and create these Mega backlashes online that you kind of do have to do some some damage control on that do you have any thoughts what the the social media landscape has done for your industry herself you know social media gives you a way to do a more immediate Outreach but sometimes you have to be careful clients have to be careful what they say out there you know what I work more left-of-center stuff where you know I’m not working conservative projects that you know they have to be really careful what they say but certainly at I work with clients that you know we talked about messaging and we talked about what they put out there and make sure we’re on the right we’re on the right track and we’re in agreement and on the right path but I think social media you know I think it’s it’s positive it’s certainly a life-changing things it certainly has changed the landscape of society and and whatnot on a larger scale but you’re not the end of the day we all are just fascinated by other people and they do so it just open doors opens doors in that respect what do you know actually makes me think about how it made some sense you talking about Dimension to have the image of Tower Records on Sunset and I’m just the decline of the record industry and all of the digitization of all kinds of media and how that took a big chunk out of profits for a lot of folks in an industry but when I based on what you were just say no actually realized you might think that the same thing would happen to PR once people could become demigod celebrities on social media by themselves but the reality is they probably need to hire a publicist more than ever because you need that filter right you need that you need someone to advise you on on the strategies of how you express yourself because it’s so easy to just fire something off that just Neo take sweat they say it could take 5 years to build a career in 5 seconds to destroy rights and all I would add to it is you know you need you need someone in my position when you have something that is so public and you need someone that can help you because a lot of times there is a lot of Crisis and a lot of people don’t know what to do and we’ve certainly witnessed over the years when when things go wrong or how you know when things are handled poorly and you know we live at a time where the media is constantly attacked so they’re going to attack that so you want to be on the right side of things and you want you know if you want to handle your media aspect as professionals possible and it’s there are challenges you know I’m not a brain surgeon this isn’t brain surgery by any any respect but it’s an important part of the marketing and sales aspect and the overall brand awareness of who you are and what you’re trying to accomplish yeah I think that was a good real basic intro and overview and just kind of hammers hammers in that this part of the ecosystem of success as a creative artist is not is not going away in or should it and so it was it is a breath of fresh air and I think about it a lot I think about a lot how how to moderate myself and there’s a lot of fear and and hesitation in this climate of you know you can really you can really put your foot in your mouth so I I I think it says probably at yeah it’s it’s been on my mind you know this whole your sector of industry and where it’s at so this is timely for me until I guess I would say to be somewhat selfish for a moment here with the last few minutes I would say that I guess bringing this back to what my my unique value proposition is to the world as my representing myself and my brain really it is I guess it is kind of element in a way I’m saying sexuality and pornography and all forms of of music and art they can all actually be very healing and very therapeutic and there’s almost a bias against that because people sometimes in some sense people want to just have really either extremely kind of edgy entertainment that just gets them off sexually or titillates them or sort of just appeals to that Hollywood sense of just completely not necessarily that intentional or that healing or that spiritual and so there’s kind of a bias against what I’m offering which could be seen his kind of all you’re you’re just a goody-two-shoes you’re kind of a mama’s boy you want people to be meditating and doing yoga and actually it might my sort of reply to that that biases that actually know what what some of the practices that are done in shamanic Sexual Healing Sarah on your work are actually equally if not more extreme and in and actually riveting and and put you on the edge of your seat as is anything that would be considered danzo or Triple X Ino Xtreme Hardcore and it really is Hardcore to be doing some of the more spiritual aspects of sexuality so when I I put out a press release I don’t know if that was the one that you saw or if that was a wet what the time frame was around that but I would just say to you do you think there is a niche for what would I would call shamanic pornography or porn that intense did not only educate but also to promote healing and healing from trauma and and what not yours if not longer you know when I first got in the industry as far as adult entertainment goes is very one-dimensional especially the media coverage and it was all about getting eyeballs because you could use the word pornography in a way that you know people be like oh what what it what are they going to talk about and then then then there was a change in the change happened when media like Vice came along and media like BuzzFeed and and other media that said to a certain extent and we’re not going to just treat this as one-dimensional because it isn’t a one-dimensional discussion it is in a one-dimensional product you know as as the adult industry expanded I found it interesting that the media expanded in their coverage and you have certainly the negatives does the word in general is certainly looked at in a negative way and I rarely use it I say it because of that is once you say that word and it’s you know maybe one day it’ll be changed or looked at not as this glaring sing but as a form of entertainment form of Education a form of you know healing as as you as you work on but the media look to do more coverage and be more multi-dimensional and to what you’re trying to accomplish and what you’re doing what you’re doing and what you’re trying to accomplish to my point is you can find media that’s not easy but you can find people you can find writers you can find me there you can find public entities you can find people that will want to discover what you are doing and will want to make others aware and will want to build the foundation and build a fanbase in and build a unit around it so which is not the issue these days the issues speed of time and the issue is just sort of the you know overwhelming amount of media that we deal with everyday especially in our current political climate where we’re being overdosed with one piece of toxic news after another and end toxic not men the political fashion just met met you know we’re bombarded with different types of briefs and stories and just aspects of life that can that are just so fast and furious and you’re trying to fit in there you know you’re almost trying to swim upstream and place you know place your story on a rock while well water keeps hitting in the face so I I I constantly am taking on opportunities and clients and different types of niches and different types of products and different types of stories because I know who’s to say that I know what a media person will want to write about or not I don’t what I do is I give them the opportunity and I find out hey is this is this interesting do you want to do this do you want to cover this and it’s yes or no or mid might be a maybe or they’re on the fence or they’ll think about it and we did we discuss it and see what happens so it’s just a the media is a constant River at its its 24/7 its domestic and international you know stories can break anywhere in the world and then just travel the speed of light and around the globe and become as you know become viral so it’s just a it’s just the the effort and the Mine Song of people in your position as to am I ready to take this Challenge on I’ve something Niche I’ve something unique but I think it’s important and and how do I get it out there and and what you know how many people can I turn on to what I have to build from from where I’m at well those are profound words of wisdom and I’ve got chills because I know that at some point I have I’ve got two to cross that and make that leap of faith sand and be willing to be criticized and be willing to be sued and be willing to be all kinds of things and having that team and I feel like the podcast has been a tool to to kind of build that team and to know if there is a you know what keeps me up at night is what happens if there is an influx of capital what if there is a viral content piece that get 50 goes out and it’s not that you become rich and famous overnight at you is that you become suddenly under the microscope and you need to know about compliance with a lot of things and so that that’s my Virgo mind getting getting very sort of The Fearless aspect where I try not to overthink even though it’s impossible but I just I just try and push you know you just you know I I’ve constantly at a career of why not you know why not internet a record label why not internet another one why not drop out of school you know cuz it was just wasting time and money you know and then why not become an assistant why not become a tour publicist why not go to an adult entertainment company Why not start your own PR Company why not work with Gene Simmons you know it’s you know if you can answer why not then there’s no reason you know and you know we always I’m a Star Wars junkie and I think you might be in the same generation or not but we all sort of live by the the words until the age of of Yoda and so you try not you do or you don’t you do not but you just don’t try to go for it and you know there’s certainly you you think things out and they’re processing is calculated risk and what not but I’ve always another mindset where if you if you’re if you’re thinking too much about it then it’s just time wasted you know you’re not pushing forward and what you’re trying to accomplish but once you get past that you know and and you’re not going to know if I sitting around thinking you’ll never know if it takes off or not you just won’t it is the action and it is the risk that you have to eunos put out there and find out if you have something or not and you know I definitely I’ve had all kinds of clients I really have and I’ve had successes clients it succeeded sold our company and made lots of money and I have clients that failed you know but it just nothing worked and Company disbanded and I’ve got you know hundreds of files of clients over 19 years and but they all they all went for it you know wherever they are you know there’s somewhere you know that they took a risk and even when I produced a reality show you know what they say it was a risk I was a two-year process to even get to production but once you know once we decide we’re going to do it my partners and I at the time of that production company we just put her head down and we weren’t going to give up and we got the parties involved then it did well could have done better but it did well exist in there broke a lot of ground but it’s definitely important you know there’s just that dividing line of doing something and in what it is that hold you back from from going for it yeah I hear you there is just kind of wrap up here to respect your time and then I will just say that again More Chills and more of just that that cause mcnab’s you know there was there is one Flagship I guess I would say it was for me was like the pilot episode of the series that I’m doing now it’s called sexorcism the tantric Opera twitch wow Google Keyword that I want to fully on because a lot of without weather so I can get is an album is a band that did an album called sexorcism there’s there’s a kind of I don’t know if it’s play with the idea but but what I’m bringing to it is it is definitely from a pure-hearted place of sincere documentarian work and so hopefully that’s I think what’s going to be what I would put money into an invest in to try to get some some media coverage on and I’ve been a little bit shy about it now for a couple of years just wanting to not be the one to push that in people’s faces but that’s exactly the layer of buffer that I need of someone to say hey look take it or leave it this is what this guy’s doing here it is and if I can have that someone like you help me with that then I think it’ll be it’ll be a dream come true so we will we will talk offline about what your thoughts are for the trajectory of a project like that but I would love to discuss obviously well and I look forward to having that discussion and obviously I appreciate being on your podcast in and you know getting to have this kind of discussion I think I ain’t got to a certain extent I think people you’re right don’t really understand publicity and public relations and media relations and you know marketing to a full extent but I think it’s you know having the conversation and getting the opportunity to talk about it even one person goes wow that’s interesting I want to I want to know what that career is you know something I’m always interested in doing it you know making people aware of the career and path I chose the life I chose and you know going from there well I’m sure there’s a lot of people who would say as they received the rewards that they couldn’t have done it without you and so hopefully I will be able to join those ranks sooner rather than later and again and again thank you for reaching out to me as very synchronistic yeah let’s let’s be in touch do you want to tell people where to find where to find your work and just yeah side BSG pr.com and my Twitter and my Instagram RBS GPR and it’s financials at when I made the company name it was like well we’ll just Brian Scott gross of my name and BSG are my initials and public relations and it was just a simple as that so I guess I was another thing I learned of like trying to keep you know keep it linear and you’re hiring me and so that’s where a Vsepr came from awesome alright will Brian thank you again so much that I had a great time and can’t wait to get to know you better and move on from here so thank you so much again and have a great afternoon thank you you as well look forward to catching up with you again real soon all right take care of podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email bad at Tantra Punk. Com

 

How Female Masturbation and Orgasms are Saving the World Soul with Kit Murray Maloney TPP178

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Kit Murray Maloney

In this episode I’m joined by Kit Murray Maloney, an outspoken orgasmic organizer who’s been working and playing hard to start a proud self-pleasuring revolution among women. While male masturbation is taken for granted and catered to by the mainstream culture, female pleasure is still in many ways in the dark ages. Kit shares about her great work to re-enlighten humanity about the potential for healing, empowerment, pleasure, fun, relaxation, and more with female masturbation and orgasm.

She’s established a movement around the Pleasure Pledge where women commit to pleasure themselves thoroughly for 3 weeks straight, to learn more please go here: https://www.thepleasurepledge.com/

We discuss the need for thoughtful user experiences with online porn and her efforts to curate a more refined adult entertainment selection. We also commiserate on the need for shamanic pornography to become a thing so we can show religious pornophobes how sacred sexuality is to be respected rather than feared.

Please visit her main website here:
https://www.oactually.com/

About Kit:

Kit Murray Maloney is driven by her core belief that a celebration of women’s sexual pleasure, including female orgasms, will heal and better the world.

For the last two decades Kit’s been an activist, academic, and entrepreneur committed to channeling her passion for gender equity into a celebration of women’s sexual pleasure. She’s earned a Masters degree in Gender and Social Policy from the London School of Economics and has been featured in Marie Claire, Self, and Glamour magazines.

Kit launched O’actually as a multi-media platform for open and honest dialogue to release taboo of women’s self pleasure and to promote beautiful erotic work made by women for women. Kit is also the founder of The Pleasure Pledge, a free 21 day program inviting women to celebrate there daily orgasm.

AI Generated Transcription:
(Want to help with corrections? Please contact me to learn about rewards for your efforts!)

Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin podcast episode number 17089 being joined by Kid Marie Maloney who is the founder of oh actually and the pleasure pledge and she is a deep believer in celebrating women sexual pleasure and yeah please kid we haven’t had an extensive background of each other so please enlighten me tell me all about your beautiful wonderful self and how it is that you got involved in the sexuality sex positive and Liberation kind of movement wonderful friend thank you thank you for creating a space of the podcast and four and having me on it and I am yeah as you mentioned I am the founder of actually which is a space that is committed to engaging in the sphere of adults entertainment with intent around bringing some more openness and honesty and to that realm so that we can receive more pleasure and really lift out of some of the shadows and taboos that I believe are are cementing Us in real blocks around Shane and sexuality and so actually is really a space around that entry and celebration looking at something like foreign adults entertainment and moving beyond our assumptions that we might have and the taboo that we might carry and go in list and openness around what might be possible when we relieve some of the tension around the top who even within the realm of sexuality specifically in the round with sexuality and then the pleasure of that is a space to celebrate women sexual pleasure and it is a 21-day invitation to remember to celebrate their daily orgasm and there’s lots of support through that with daily invitations that offer women away to further nurture on and prioritize and enjoy their selves as orgasmic features and an experienced extremely wonderful and I can see I can I do this should be what the Surgeon General is getting behind to promote this I don’t know if you remember there was a time when there was a female search General who was fired for suggesting essentially that masturbation will be a great form of a defense against HIV spreaded believe that was what happened but women solo sax or masturbation is something that still trade such tremendous and yet I stand for it being this incredible healing power and so it is such a it’s a tragedy to me that we take this beautiful resource that we all have within ourselves and shouted it and a lot of misunderstanding and Tabu and so the pleasure pleasure is such a beautiful face of our whole system is set up to receive is there and if women shoes they can decide to bring Partners into that experience and there are times in our life where we can also choose to have that entire experience all in our own systems has she just thought it would be an interesting blog post many years ago girlfriends about understanding that they would instead it was a beautiful beautiful and honoring through there and free of celebrated in community of sister head and from that unlocked a much wider and even more richer program an offering to the world of the Worlds talking about it’s coming up on February 1st 2000 some okay so I’m this is his if it says your your gift to the world it sounds like you were you were on a mission to do the sort of meme me medic Alchemy Alchemy to get a movement in motion and action is so I imagine you’re doing Outreach in I’m just curious what is the what’s the strategy and what is the sort of scope of your of your aspirations for this cuz I believe it it really can and should go far and wide so yeah I’m excited to hear about what’s going on behind the scenes first question and this is the first year where I’ve decided that the pleasure pledge deserves her own space so she’s going on and I realized over years of running both of actually on the pleasure pledge simultaneously that there are definitely overlaps particularly because I am the founder of both and so my stamps for women’s safety of their safety within themselves safety of their sexual experiences and as well as their healing is a thread that has been part of my work for 99 and lifetime I believe and so it feels nice to to give the pleasure patch this new space to thrive and we are inviting more awareness through our conversations like this social media brand Partnerships as well and it’s really my belief that an orgasm orgasm solo sex is something that is a key ingredient to women’s holistic vitality and so I see this as a space that is very much based on sexuality but honoring sexuality is a key component to our house and so I think that there are ways to open up this conversation that really reached my way of like oh yeah but just as you say it like this should be something that like the health department is like no side effects better sleep and wildly wonderful and positive potentials that’s my job that’s so cool yeah you know it reminds me throughout the years of just being a sex geek and whatnot I do recall it might have been a documentary or somewhere where I saw that there are there are countries in the world where literally it is their government agencies and offices that that hand out pamphlets about masturbation and how to do everything you would you would you would hope that our government pay course it’s it’s a it’s not it’s not trashy it’s not really you know over the top as far as being provocative it’s just like like a first aid manual her like acne treatment manual or something exactly awesome so please if you would please tell me more about just your personal how did you come up with this idea what I love the story and I love to hear more about the other your other the sort of the inaugural test study subjects that you worked with in the beginning and get some other stories of how they experienced it but I was curious to go back further in your life history with your what was missing in what was wrong and what didn’t provide you this you know out of the gate so that she had to develop it like what’s your sort of story of heroism around that yeah so I trying to decide how far back to go so I was as a teenager what kind of Fancy Pants all girls private school in Boston and everything for the eight years that we were there was still didn’t us about going to college and getting into the best possible, and yet there was no training or no conversation around what college would be like and I’m dating myself here but it was a late one day decided I’m actually going to go on to it wasn’t Google it was like or something and start searching about what the college experience sexual assault and I was 17 and horrified and terrified and I look back at that seventeen-year-old girl and I’m really impressed that she was able to be as conscientious as because I was two teachers and adults at the time and brought them needs to tistics and was told that I was I shouldn’t worry about it I was there was no conversation actually I have this beautiful experience where an aunt of mine took me out to lunch and the summer before I was to go to college and she’s basically just sat me down and was like kids who are scared to go to college and I told her as well as I was with her guidance that I stepped onto my college campus aware of the groups that were already set up to address issues of sexual violence on campus and raise my hands to participate in them and so pretty quickly I was leading them and growing them and engaged in administrative and policy changes and it really was making identifying key component of my college experience and so as you can imagine it was incredibly powerful in some ways because I was able to effect change fan belt community and be part of community and the other signs it was incredibly taunting and why on Earth was I as a 21 year old given this responsibility with my friends to be riding so that I done went and got my Master’s and gender and social policy in London at the London School of economics and was really against sexual violence in the world I smile not because I think that is a lofty goal is mad because that is so clear to me as like what my mission in the world has always been since I was younger and kind of the foreshadowing I had not process my own sexual trauma yet and so I stepped away from the work for a couple of years and did some other activities and then I in 2012 I want to go back into making the world a better place for women I want to have it’s always going to drive to me to be focused on women sexuality and could I navigate this through a focus of pleasure and that was really the impetus it started oh actually was could we talk about Up Entertainment so we could be released taboo around pleasure as a way of honoring what the world might look like if there wasn’t any more and then I do believe that when we heal ourselves we will have that celebrates and honors women’s bodies in them and sexuality in women’s pleasure and orgasmic potential and I am all for it so that was how I started on February 2019 be the fifth annual public butter fudge does not hundreds of thousands millions of a saying in February that for this 21 days are going to focus on ourselves are flygare healing and growth and expansion in our lives in the world beautiful as so I’m assuming also that that’s correctly that span of time if everyone is basically synchronizing on that pledge then that would be a huge marketing opportunity for companies than brands of products that are already doing Valentine’s Day campaign so if you don’t want to be a douche boyfriend you should buy vibrators so you know that are for pleasure pledge and you should learn how to be an assistant and you should step up in that way and actually I mean I will be beautiful I could just imagine that a pleasure pledge gift kind of Kit grab bag company information face and celebratory products and I love it too because it’s this really special time in a year where January closes and we step into February and I don’t know about you but the release of a January guilty intense that’s amazing well thank you for that actually I thought it would be funny at one point to do like a synchronized masturbation every twice a day depending on if your morning person but at 6:09 a.m. and 6:09 p.m. everyone should be either doing that if they have the luxury or at least pleasuring themselves and in I think we will shift like the axis of the earth a week yeah if I resend some measurable synchronized meditations and prayers and just light up the whole planet as we all know how beautiful it is to collectively meditate our minds at meditation are in such an orgasm as as such as some water and Shirley healing because you’re bringing that high high frequency of pleasure and joy into your whole system very well said yes I totally agree and I like to step back a couple of little bit into where you had been doing the activism around you know I like to call a sexual self defense that kind of covers a lot of a lot of FM Beyond just street fighting and mugging what not there’s there’s a whole Continuum there’s a whole Arc of violence that can be interrupted earlier with different forms and strategy so I’m a b I’m really into that that’s the old as well and in in appreciate that that you have been working on east campus safety in & Beyond and then something that comes to mind something that comes to mind is that a friend of mine also in the field not too long ago was sharing with me that this notion that female orgasm is can be can become so Elusive and so difficult to induce for for this one factor that she mentioned among many factors are one of it was that I guess there’s new Neuroscience coming out that’s pointing to that they’re being a part of the brain that if you don’t feel fully safe and fully relaxed you pretty much can’t you eat you would need to feel physically safe to Stew for the orgasmic energy orgasmic triggering an energy and all of that that whole chemical cocktail and that whole electrical storm to really take place if it’s like an inhibited when there is a sense of of a lack of safety for the most part of course there are people who would they get they get off on on on different fetishes and you know that there’s different different ways to look at that yeah this is so very happy that you brought this up because I just want to clarify to like a couple of things that are happening within that like in general this notion women needing to feel safe in order to receive and enjoy pleasure just and she would have thought of fact I think right and so that is wonderful where that can go a little bit wonky at fast is Ever Getting It confused or taking that pendulum swing a little bit too far if you will so that it implies that victims of violence who did receive bodily pleasure during their assault are somehow not telling the truth about the lack of consent in that hasn’t sat in case any listener is feeling concerned about what surrounding getting any sort of bodily pleasure certainly beautiful provided us with which is that ease of access to orgasm is going to be first created within a container of safety answer that is always what we want to be going for an and committed to and that isn’t a beautiful that orgasm is that much more accessible different statuses fetishes might not have that container of safety they might be perceived but usually fetish groups actually have a much stronger containers then we might and so if you’re saying to somebody I want to experience is going to be tightened through a through the app and your XYZ is something that may or may not be taboo and may or may not be in, but what you’re actually asking for it and therefore you’re presenting yourself in a container safety hope that makes sense. I totally concur with you about the safety of the container around fetish The Fetish community and I was taking on a pretty deep journey within the upper echelons of it at one in one chapter of my life and I mean cuz it’s always been somewhere throughout my life but I got to actually live in SM dumb and got his Temple for about a year and till I was exposed to a lot of things that people have kids but but it was there that I really got to to develop a high respect for containers with in containers in and you can feel safe to be made slightly on safe and that can be how it all works but everybody’s different but I just see appreciate also being able to talk about this stuff and then and open a space up for it so you actually when you say adult entertainment are you you’re talking about about pouring about I was it is nuanced and complex like all of life certainly all sexuality as far as my understanding of it is and so I know actually it’s a highly curated selection and some of the filmmakers don’t use entertainment honor the hall I Hazard a umbrella term and and it can be spokes of erotica or torn or anything else but this guy I am I think you know we have goodness me I am particularly like in this moment today I had some very angry comments friend to see all the pain and hurt as a woman who follows around what it means to step into engagement around pornography and I think for me one of the things we spend most reassuring about this face as that it counter-intuitively has really reminded me of all of our humanity and also how important it is to create dialogue around things that we supposed to be unwilling and a lot of women do to this really new porn video porn wildly accessible very very influential and and so to leave it on its own in the shadows seems so not okay to me and it is it’s over it’s turned into this real conviction of like let’s talk about it and let’s talk about what we think is okay and not okay and is it in planting Aspen what’s the difference between fantasy and our relationship to our practices of solo sax versus our expectations and desires for real world sex and are we navigate to overlap and the distance between those places and how can we start to see differences as well as commonalities and how we use to measure I’m also in that space and so it’s it’s refreshing to hear more purposeful and in passion-driven visioneering in that space for sure in as and I agree it’s also it’s with rapidly shifting a lot of things and it could be it could be for the best or for the worst or or probably a bit of both but I’m yeah something that I’m curious about is how are you integrating are you out how does it integrate with your projects is this something that you have like a cute you were curating content that you suggest to folks to use for their the pleasuring enhancement purposes is there like a sum of a studio or you producing independent content or how does it all work with your pleasure actually right now my insurance is that we have provided a safe and beautiful directory and guy for you to choose what type of that offense of Human Experience you’d like to have in that moment so lately and then you are directed to the makers to we have with folks that I talked with people that we’ve done really promote people’s work who is Open Nest an honest man Honest Tea around sexuality and I actually have also included because I realized in a lot of inner dialogue with myself are some sites that are some types that are good for us to take around other people’s enjoyment and other people’s practice says around their sexuality is a paternalistic and unhelpful and probably found Saul particularly keeping in mind how women your sexuality with so many of the pornographic sites out there are so our goal is to have that introduction feel like more of a dipping the toe in the water than being a shots the I thank you for doing that in a really is it makes me think of what you’re providing is almost like a a condom before your eyes for your soul so going on the mental industry is pretty much driven by ad revenue from free content now so I mean free content being posted on website posted on websites that that are just riddled with potentially malware scripts and the pop ups and in all kinds of manipulative marketing strategies to get you to to to rig your dopamine cycle ratchet up so that you’re you’re being sort of like you said pushed and you know what I’d say push towards more extreme the rapidly extremely hyper rapid acceleration from really mild material that you’re trying to maybe look for something specific but then it it’s they know what you’re doing they have patterns and rhythms in its mass and they’re just driving you pushing you often towards some stuff that’s going to be traumatic ultimately it tends to lead in those directions so if we could be creating a portal or accurate experience where there’s some guard rails and a little bit of at least hopefully some warning signs or something where you know I would be helpful and for not to be predatory as a visit as a marketing experience in general you know for it to be something for her if I want to get aroused I’d like to have liked it you know romantic like candle light dinner Ambiance of an experience of consuming the media and not be in like this thing you know if the lake I just ran over that like a lot from of actually and I just think if we ingest provides that you know a candle or two before you get there because there’s also really awesome really beautiful but I just for me and for a lot of the people that I’ve talked to you it’s a really nice thing to just have a little bit more of a guide in a little bit more of a sense that you are at the Hound yourself to what what material you want to consume rather than feel as you say either pushed or like you are not in control of what is going to be awesome Oso if you were to be let’s see speaking to a an audience of adult content producers what what are you hoping will be some of the new new trends what what can be done to his they’re always innovating and they always want to be on top of the next the next whatever so if you curious like if you if you if you could be a designer producer-director just with your words just imagining that people listen to this might be in the process of wanted to create content that would be acceptable in and embraced on your platform it really again goes back to what is your intent and around joking mean hats and getting people to more and more extreme versions of pornography usually ends in the intent to make money because usually the end goal is that there’s been enough of a her to get somebody into a paid membership site and that taste of torn I believe has a very different CEO and a very different than many of the other works its way out there to celebrate women’s orgasms to create something that is bringing additional levels of beauty to The World’s End so in speaking with sound anchors we have our biggest category on the site is celebrating female cell makers end in talking with them before reaching them on the site I really get a sense of what is their poor intention and the ones that are on Sauron oh actually are folks you have beautifully articulated that to me as really adding value of an expression to erotica wanting to be part of the worlds that erotic humans can be celebrated and a genuine had an inspiring healing way so that he turned up sell you to something else so that we can make it. Is that the court intent of people’s mission in terms of making it so I would also say I guess I wouldn’t let them more of us who are willing to celebrate erotic an x-rated content and engage with it and create it and it might look like to have more women behind a camera more people of color buying puts a smile on my face so I would want everybody to talk to Healing centered person too and by all means that’s also will actually have something that I might submit off to you for two that towards that end yeah and this is certainly the vibe that I’m that I’m on and I’m hoping to I’m hoping to find others already established in the industry and those who are outside of the industry and maybe haven’t considered it as a as a of a vector for for extreme positivity and extreme transformation because so many people are glued to the the the sort of stream of content that one little drop of something hewing in there could have a massive ripple effect in this this pain of human consciousness so I feel like my calls to action is for shamanic pornography to be a thing that that would be very Redemptive for all the witches who were burned because in all of the tantric group sexuality things that were against the irony that that I feel in my heart around the this it’s like okay if I was speaking to the pope right now I would say you and your henchmen have spent hundreds of years demonizing everything having to do with self-pleasure and with lesbianism homosexuality group sexuality and all forms of mysticism witchcraft sexual magical ritual and then all the sudden just basically in the last few decades the the legal landscape has opened up to allow for the some of the most what will you would consider to be sinful content to be produced and now it’s like the the consequences of all those centuries of repression are being expressed in these type super violence super non-consensual addictive or habit forming in there with a woodsy is 4M even Pat Robertson said demonic demons can be can be basically transmitted through washing a video on a screen and the information on a prospective you can understand how that’s possible by changing your vibration and in allowing in things that will give you a spiritual cold and yeah they stop by so it’s I feel like the the wisdom of Elders in which isn’t shamans coming in and saying at 6 will abuse and Trauma can be healed sexual abusers can be healed and Jen and redeemed through this stuff and so why is it that was dominating all of this content is stuff that is like I’m so flippantly I just can’t get over the irony you know so library of shamanic pornography and I really think that this like he’s hit on so many are convincing us that there is some houses and pushing the stuff more and more and more and more into arbitrary regulation and that is not rooted and you know one of my like it’s a little bit snarky of me I will process that but one of my favorites is guess what state in the United States consumes the most pornography the Utah go Enterprise I want a free-form subscription I want the Christian porn Christmas stocking stuffer kit let’s just get some real this year so that we can buy all of ourselves and create spaces for healing and beauty and bring back I love what you’re saying like an honor and of how different versions of sexuality have been and distrusted infested infested and two ways of demonizing things that actually have real potential to bring a really beautiful marriage if so yeah yeah a hold of those are very beautiful words I want to say we got a bit of time left if you feel like you want to just go I say I feel really really satisfied incomplete in what we what we’ve covered in I guess it’d be great to hear from you any any what else whatever else you want it you care to share and then certainly the website URLs and what people can do to connect Waze to find you and and maybe what’s next with what’s on the horizon 2 end to compete for this evening other I just have to say I am so excited to be at your work in the world through actually. Com or and the pleasure patch.com I’m also on all the social media actually or kicked me and group on Facebook for others and so come and find us there right now it is set up to be a Sisterhood of people who identify as being a woman so I know that that is a really beautiful space for women to come together and explore in community what it means to prioritize our orgasmic pleasure and also know that I have always looking for ways to bring men into our community and support them and their healing and their sexuality so there are programs to come for that in the future I just don’t know exactly when and where and why it’s not to be exclusionary it’s just in case and meet they would need 21 days off billion Wicked thoughts which is the Neuroscience behind our internet activity within the space when I was first time in years ago she was like women are needing and looking torso in that since I said go for it as a man I don’t get it Illuminating in our world right now men do not need the level of outer and inner permission for pleasure women are really appreciating the pleasure price as his permission slip that you know first maybe can be written by me or the pleasure patch but then becomes and to Paradise pleasure and it really does make sense to me then experience dependent right on well you don’t makes me think that I’m not for the necessarily the I think you mentioned it earlier kind of depends on what things can pendulum to Square One Direction yes so you know in this context I feel like I’m I’m kind of dismayed at seeing the the counter porn nofap kind of thing about it’s basically like okay you either jerk off to porn or you don’t touch yourself at all but in the in the sweet spot in the middle of it which is what the tantric wisdom in the Dallas wisdom is really all about for men is that you want to have as much physical stimulation as possible and you want to start to taper down the amount of ejaculatory orgasm if you have but still be able to have multiple orgasms and still be able to fuel those heightened levels of pleasure but not always be quote spilling your seed so there’s people who were in my you know me men’s tantric movement and they’re they’re doing these challenges for men is 21 a month or week or just work yourself up to longer periods of time of total not ejaculation in some people are some people go years I don’t I don’t choose that path although it has its merits if you have certain objectives but but I wonder if there will be a parallel movement because the more women pleasure themselves in in the twentieth the 21-day pleasure pledge if men are having solidarity non ejaculatory three weeks if not ejaculation but stimulation and they’re going to view way better effective at giving those orgasms providing the Arkansas to their female lovers there’s a way for you to harness your sexual energy by keeping your ejaculate inside but also elevating your abilities 22 you know what I mean anything there are so many total pieces of information that I gathered over the years around is just what that experience is for releasing energy and the male body and the release of semen vs. the building on connection to Life Force energy in the way in which women orgasm and I’m so I know where we can come together and so it’s interesting cuz in in are the fall and desire for equality I think sometimes that pendulum if you will get ourselves into this send this notion around saying this because when we think about sameness we lose this honor and have differences that is really basting a lot of trees and how we experience sexuality and pleasure an orgasm letting letting me go there for another final and bit of banter but yeah definitely we could go on for days and hopefully we will be in touch soon as this this approach has yeah well I will see what I can do to spread the word and and definitely will be in touch in in wishing you the best so once again thank you for your for your time and I will be in touch soon and have a great night VW. Concho Park. Calm and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition of sustaining and improving a podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple after bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episode if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Tantra Punk. Com

Overcoming Shame and Opening Up with Sex Blogger Zoe K TPP162

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Zoe K Pic

In this episode I’m joined by an deeply intriguing and empowering sex blogger Zoe K. She provides a very insightful glimpse into the lifestyle of an open relating, shame-free sex positive web-enabled literary voice of liberation.

Please visit her blog at:
https://sexismynewhobby.wordpress.com/about/

About Zoe:
By day, I’m a professional with an office-type job and academic leanings. Outside office hours, I’m a belly dance instructor, a sex/relationship blogger, and occasional creative. I’m also happily married.

I had a number of challenges that came to a crisis point in early 2014 and spurred an intense period of personal growth. It was during this time that I serendipitously had an epiphany that then largely freed me from the sexual shame that I’d always struggled with. It was out of the recognition that my sex life was at a crossroads that my blog was born and I began what I believe to be the first authentic exploration of my sexual and sensual self.

At first, I expected that I’d simply write about my new adventures, which I’d conceived of (as it turns out) in fairly narrow terms. My topics have since expanded to include things that I might have been able to predict (e.g. BDSM), those that I hadn’t thought to write about (feminism, mental health, fiction, reviews), and those I didn’t even know about (ethical non-monogamy).

Inspired by another blogger, I also started my nude self-portrait project when I started blogging. I couldn’t have articulated my reasons for this project at the outset, and then I was pleased to discover after the fact that it had had a positive effect on my body image.

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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin podcast episode number 162 I am being joined by Zooey K who is a prominent and celebrated sex blogger and about a year or so ago now I had I was doing a campaign to really reach out and Branch out beyond the world of Tantra and get more into the world of sex Educators and sex bloggers in all different varieties of people kind of pushing the edges of expression and sexual Liberation healing and what not and PK was at one of the people who did respond to me however we had kind of a I guess you can call it an email tag over a game of email tech for a while and it’s just better late than never were finally catching up and coming full circle to this interview so thank you so E4 for hanging in there and being persistent and I’m glad we got to get this arranged and I’m excited to learn about what you do as a sex blogger and I just actually was catching up a bit and I definitely want to applaud you for your stating that you would prefer to review products that have a sustainable and recyclable to call you to them so I’m very interested in your ecological ethics and maybe we can get into that later but just start off with do you want to talk about please how are you kind of evolved is it a sexual literary being sure will. Thanks for inviting me first of all yeah so I’ve been blogging now for a few years I started around Christmas time 2014 and I had come to that weight because I reached a point where I felt like my life is about to change or is in the middle of a change that’s going on in terms of my sexuality and sexual expression and not much had happened in the lead up to that point I felt like I was really at the beginning of something the reason why I had that feeling was because I had to experience what I referred to as my Epiphany and I have realized that a lot of the difficulty that I had had to throw my life up until that point in terms of sexuality was in relation to sexual shame beyond that the sexual shame that I was experiencing was not actually something that serve came out of my own life it wasn’t my own experience this was something that I had inherited I think primarily from my mother and her experiences with she had never spoken about and yet or attitudes toward sexuality and especially you know what that means being a woman and being sexual or not I can still pick that up without that ever being sort of explicitly stated so so yeah I was in a difficult situation in terms of where I was at just start if I guess in life generally I looking back I was probably depressed at that time and that had to do with a lot of difficulties relating to conflict that was both work and family related because I was working with family members and so there was sort of No Escape from that and and also you know where I might ordinarily safe to go for support or the difficulties that I was having like I didn’t have those those supports and so so that had spurred some serious introspection like even more than I usually do which is a considerable considerable amount and yeah a lot of personal gross and I was just sort of consuming everything I could to learn more about myself to learn more about the situation that I was in with that conflict on one hand and on the other hand with that depression that I I believe I was going through I had lost interest in a lot of things and I knew I I remember it having been interested in things but I couldn’t really remember what they were or or the things that I remember being interested in just didn’t grab my interest anymore and so I was sort of looking around for first things to have some sort of two to rekindle some interest or find something just to get to give it a sense of I don’t know interest in life I guess and and what caught my eye was I guess it was sex in a nutshell I don’t remember specifically what book it was it may have been Nancy Friday’s booked my secret garden about women’s fantasies and it was a bit of a Lifeline like okay this is something I’m interested in it’s the only thing that I seem to be interested in right now I need to explore that because I need to have some sort of Interest other than just getting through the day and end. So that sort of led to me educating myself some more and job and with the personal girls and the sexual gross that I was doing at the time just came came around to this sort of serendipitous discovery about that sexual shame that I’ve mentioned before and so yeah I had this discovery about myself and and I was right that you know everything sort of changed after that that’s that’s that’s basically my my backstory cool well that’s something I think a lot of people from the last several will ever until probably this last maybe one or two generations but maybe this the most recent generation seems to be the most gender non-binary gender fluid poly and I’ve never seen so much liberated Sexual Energy to do that just kind of Epsom and flows according to its own vicissitudes if its own nature and its really heartwarming to see that and I know it took the the sufferings of people like you and myself and many others to have to create a contact is more open and accepting so I feel like we’re sort of the if we survive or not Martyrs I guess but we’re definitely we need to have some statues made for the end of the people who have been the sexual Liberation Warriors in and what not so if you could so thank you for being a part of that data processing do you want to talk a little bit more about just some of the sort of mental architecture of shame that could be very personal or could just be Broad and in general but I think it’s it’s sometimes it feels like it’s it’s so obvious now you just point to certain religious Tendencies and what not but I feel like it’s good to to Really identify and if you get if you’d like to talk more about what that shame is felt like I had felt like and what what kind of thought patterns and Lube send reactions were you kind of stuck in because of it you mentioned about you know this generation and and the changes that we’re you know what’s happening at Leading Edge that Frontline and I have a feeling like I’m not just feeling my own issues I have to do sort of you know exploration into my own personal history and you know where do I come from how was I brought up what were my parents like when I was young and you know he’s attitude performing in the first place and so as I get curious about about myself and my roots you know. That takes me back to the Next Generation and I’m looking at okay well what happened in my parents lives that that created those issues for them and you know because your parents can only give you the gifts that they have themselves than you know it said it’s a challenge and and so I know that there are difficulties came from so then I’m looking for the what was it like for my grandparents how did these these problems start out and get passed down to me and so you know yeah in in healing myself I’m I’m I’m healing my own, as well as this trauma that I’ve that I’ve inherited for me personally I was raised atheist so I don’t have any specific you know religious issues aren’t you no issues coming out of religious teachings or anything but that said I mean I certainly grew up and and in this culture which is very Christian Protestant and so has come through you know in society without necessarily being taught by your parents so you know I didn’t I didn’t have that particular set of issues to deal with so you know perhaps my my journey is a little bit more idiosyncratic in that way I know that that you know my mom had experienced some abuse when she was a child and I really don’t know any more than that but there’s there’s some sort of TVs diode in terms of what what my experience is and what it looks like and what it feels like and and where those problems might have come from assertive you know made some educated guesses along with you know some of the reading that I’ve done on on various topics so it’s it’s all very much a work-in-progress and you know in terms of in terms of the shame of what I had believed up until that point up until the Epiphany was just you know you’re generally that sex was bad somehow it was difficult to you know much more of a label on it but now I did find myself sort of leaning on Christian definitions of you know sin and virtue because that seemed to be relevant somehow although I couldn’t really connect it directly to my own life but you know that this basic premise that sex is I think I think a lot of Christian doctrine teaches that sex is inherently sinful unless you’re married and and Mary just said the only way out to make it less bad you know some groups are are more sex-positive than that but I think you know that’s some as a non-Christian speaking about about Christianity that’s my impression of it and so you know here I am in a long-term relationship and I’m married and that didn’t magically make anything better so obviously the the roots of that if she went went deeper than just those sort of definitions I just seen the I have I did I was not raised in a strict religious environment myself either but I definitely picked up the memes they sort of spread whether or not you were going to church or not the kind of you know it spread everywhere and it’s interesting I’m really curious how you have explored or interacted with just the yeah the notion that to keep people especially women sexuality very limited and very finite kind of some people say put in a box it just sort of its sit facilitates and Industrial Paradigm of a world where were if we were to be freely exploring our pleasure and freely relating with others then we probably wouldn’t feel as compelled to go punch a clock and sit in a cubicle and work in a factory assembly line and that’s it that’s it there seems to be a very even they call it the Protestant work ethic and in these things were there sits where I’m at with all this stuff is it it’s it’s the moralistic sin kind of that whole Boogeyman story or that whole sort of wizard behind the man behind the curtain Wizard of Oz story it really is kind of the fronts for a more Insidious I don’t want to call it conspiracy theory but it seems like historical fact if you lose if you just look at how sexuality has been has been limited it seems to be kind of in lockstep with industrial so-called progress I’m just curious if that’s any thoughts of you explore your blogger that you know sporting in communication or just what you might your what will be a working theory on your part of why that shame really has been so institutionalized across atheist den and religious sectors of society as I mentioned earlier and that’s as you mentioned as well that you just because you’re raised in a particular way in your family of origin doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t get ideas creeping in from the larger culture and I definitely see that a lot I don’t see that that particular phenomenon as being necessarily the major except the issues that I’ve dealt with personally but that said I mean I do you know why I read about this stuff and I I think about it and I like to know where things come from and that’s part of the reason why I’m so interested in my personal history I I like to know okay why is why is this thing the way it is and there’s definitely controlling sexuality is really powerful it’s you know it’s it just it effects how how people behave and how they think and there’s this self-monitoring that happens to self-policing there’s policing by others in the group and and you see that with women in this culture in particular that women sexuality is governed much more strictly than men sexuality is women also policing at so you know such a many things like that where you know there’s you know whether that’s a massage me is the best term for that and and I I see a connection with with agriculture I guess I’m looking maybe a little bit earlier in history that you know you get Agriculture and you get land ownership you have ownership of of abandoned objects it’s you know I wasn’t really so important when you’ve got people in a forging lifestyle so then when you have when you’ve got property you’ve got concerns about inheritance and descent and if you thought the property that is vested in men rather than women then you’ve got this issue of well okay so whose kid is who’s going to get the stuff you know she’s got a lineal culture you always know who the mother is so you don’t have those same issues arising about his property to send so so that’s that’s a connection that I see yes thank you so much for bringing that up that’s that’s so important to deconstruct these things in and really I’ve been I was an anarcho primitivism even back in my college days and was really just looking at all forms of Oppression coming from the so-called Neolithic Revolution and just well if in from Eco feminist perspective the thesis is basically women animals and nature has been oppressed for five to ten thousand years as city states and empires have grown to control more more resources and build military is in that hole that anthropologically it’s very it’s kind of like a textbook 101 the first paragraph We Know It says things like agriculture there was an essay like to go to the worst mistake Humanity ever made like I can’t remember who and Marvin Harrison Jarrett at one of the one of the Anthropologist it was looking at this stuff over the last few decades and so that you had that connecting that fuses with where all the sexual shame and and sort of sexual marriage the the origins of that more limited forms of that yes this is very very interesting conversation that I’m I’m excited to have and I feel like it needs to be explored much more often so have you done that unitive awareness that you just expressed how did you come to discover that did you hit the anthropology books or did you read maybe 6 at Don or have you just through conversation how did you arrive at that that groundbreaking thesis that Don that I got that from and that was something that just made a lot of sense to me it’s something that I would like to learn more about because I know you know one book is not the be-all-and-end-all list of research so I got seems like a really interesting entry point to it but you know and that was sounds like you’ve read that book and if any of the listeners are familiar with it that that it’s there’s quite a lot of assertive prologue setting the scene and in that book where they talking about you know what it was what it was like and serve earlier human history in order to find out what is normal or what is natural and and so it was I found that very interesting and quite persuasive and and the and also interesting to see if you know where they went Ian. In terms of okay so if if sex isn’t it’s not from the things that we usually say that it’s for you know that it’s not strictly for procreation then what is it for and and what are we doing and how do we know that we’re at we’re doing things in the way that is most positive and beneficial right now how would you say you then your experience of state-sponsored or state-sanctioned sexuality education what was your experience of that like cuz I think a lot of those types that will also take Justin with when people become sexually desirous then you’re pretty much capped and frustrated through all of your teams and then you’re only really loud like you said to be to have less sinful sex under the within within marriage and stuff so yeah what was your experience besides what came of the shame come in your family what is you feel like in the the government regulated sort of sexuality education experience well it certainly didn’t help anything you know my my sex education experience was not awful I don’t think that I was told anything that was outright lies or his you know incorrect but it was very much a focus on you know pregnancy and how to avoid getting pregnant how to avoid getting STIs and you know very much the how do I get an AIDs that was a big scare and and so it didn’t it didn’t do me any good in terms of you learning anything positive or you know getting any kind of inputs that that was any different from what I had already shot so you know you’re talkin about truth is feeling repression you know from from outside and yet I most of my refresh and I think was internal because I had absorbed it so young and so I was I would sell for pressing you very early on and and so I don’t think that the you-know-who public sex education units made things any worse in that respect because the damage was already done earlier than well okay so then you won’t talk about how as you kind of came out of your shell and had these epiphanies and were able to are discover your own your own source of sexual freedom and power that you yeah what’s it been like what what do you what will people be finding on your blog and what have you been kind of gravitating towards as far as the content that you should write about in the personal narratives and what not to eat here well I guess probably the single biggest project on the blog is the nude self-portraits that I’ve been doing and that’s that’s only a project in retrospect that was something that I served I started into I was inspired by another blogger and I didn’t know why I was doing it it didn’t make a lot of sense to put new photos of myself on the internet I had had specific advice from my family not to do that which was really odd it was in a really strange contacts but so so it wasn’t you know I thought about it as much as I could and in rational terms and I couldn’t figure out what it was that I know why I felt driven to do that but I knew that I did feel a Colt to do that and so I just I went ahead and did it after doing sir to my due diligence to make sure that I wasn’t going to I wasn’t you know opening myself up to you know an unreasonable amount of risk and and then you know so I went went through that and on the other side I feel like I got connected with a couple of body positive memes and not that I think was a really huge part of it that Not only was I taking these photos and learning to see myself in a kind way that also that if I ever had feedback from from any readers of the blog it was pretty much uniformly positive feedback and so I I got you no different perspective on on my body and my appearance that was enough being positive was not something that I was ever used to having had before and and so yeah so it ended up turning into this body positivity in a positive body image project that I hadn’t intended I had no idea but that’s what that’s what it turned out to be so that was that’s that’s a major element of the blog aside from that it’s more yesterday was just exploring that the things that that seem to catch my attention one thing that I do find is that you know my desired tends to remain fairly low and I think I have a significant amount of that has to do with depression and and the antidepressant said I’ve been on fortunately no longer depressed and no longer on my medication for that but that’s still having an effect and and so I’m exploring and and looking for signs of interests one of the things that I have often thought about is asking myself the question what do I like and what do I want to seem like very basic questions and they are but it’s those are questions that I have always struggled to answer and and someone doing better at that now you know I keep asking myself the questions I keep you know trying to experience things and say okay well you know do I enjoy this does this touch my attention having tried it do I still like it do I want more of that do I want Les do I want something else to be different do I want something that’s related to that and so it’s some it’s this project of exploration and also I guess another thing that that you’ll find a bit on the blog is some discussion about ethical non-monogamy and specifically polyamory through the block I ended up meeting somebody who has since become my partner in addition to my husband so I can whisper for many many years and so so that relationship is long distance like very very long distance where about I think that’s the traveling time is something like 24 hours from from door to door so we don’t get to see each other very often but you know how do we negotiate an emotional relationship how do we negotiate a physical relationship and antiserum integrating that into my life because I really do not have a template for for that sort of relationship okay well so well thank you for sharing all that so do you are you functionally polyamorous now that you’re married or do you how do you count how have you all if you care to share just I’m sure you said it’s on your blog as well but what year what you were sort of fan inside sorry about reconciling and reconfiguring if if your if your kind of trying to go that route or place that path if you will right well I did something that you’re not supposed to do with polyamory which is you know how have the beginnings of a relationship and and then I asked my my husband and you know about the possibility of opening up I know that the way you’re supposed to do it is to have discussion before there’s you know anyone waiting in the wings so you can have rational discussions as much as it’s possible to get to be rational about something that can be so emotional but I don’t know that I would have done it any other way even even knowing that that is sort of Hino best practice because my husband is very very introverted he’s you know I’m I’m his only major relationship things ever had in his life we’ve been together for half of our Lives you know so this is a very well-established very long-term relationship he he would not be looking for anybody else and I didn’t expect to be an actually didn’t even start out that way for me what happened was I had discovered this person who’s also a blogger as it happened and and I started reading his blog and it caught my attention and it wasn’t so much the things that he was writing about you know the details that he was writing about it although it was more the the reading between the lines about his politics and you know I’ll call him a feminist I don’t know if he would claim the term 7 is because he’s you know he’s he knows enough about that sit to not go away cleaning the term for himself too readily so you know we share a lot of DeSoto a lot of interest a lot of attitudes you know the sorts of things that are important to me and so what happened was I read his blog from start to finish and at that point it was I think it was three years worth of almost Daily Post so there was a lot of material but yeah if you want to get yeah yeah yeah and it was because I didn’t know it was what it was going to look like but I I knew that I wanted to know him as a person and and I you know if you would ask me at the time I would have said you know I have no idea you know my mind certainly no definitely went in certain directions of x given another the nature of of his blog and that he was writing it sex is well so I can’t say that that thought didn’t cross my mind but it was more that I was I identify this person as sort of my people and I knew that I wanted to have some kind of a connection and I didn’t know what it was going to look like but I was open to just seeing what happened you know like the worst that could happen is I could say you know hey I read your blog I enjoy that and you know I’d like to get to know you better and you know he would say not interested or not even respond so you know they’re there wasn’t much investment I would have been disappointed but you know would have been a big deal and I so I couldn’t have predicted at that time you know when things are starting out what direction this is going to go buy it I I always try to let it just be what it was going to be and and so that it was it was a discovery for me to just find out you know what that relationship is going to look like my student so you now they these two fellows are aware of each other and they you coordinate the sort of dynamics of balancing the tension in the energy flows and all that stuff is at am I understanding correctly or something but they have met in person and and yeah they’re both very aware of each other so you know in my sort of everyday routine I’ve got looks like a phone appointment at we talk on FaceTime dots that happens twice a week and we’ve been doing that now for 00 couple of years anyway I guess it’s getting almost two to three years since we last it’s been over three years since we first spoke and it’s it’s almost three years that we got into that routine of talking you know on a regular you know like weekly or semi-weekly basis of the day-to-day routine and I’m in touch with him often throughout the day by text although there’s there’s quite a time difference so we have to Wrangle with the unit being in different time zones as well and then occasionally you know when I’m able to I I travel to visit him and you know my husband is at home minding the fort and and I have you had a couple of vacations with with my partner and and so that’s that’s how it looks for us well it’s cool so did this is your living the dream with the flow and and you know this is really moving towards what I feel this the did the most stem well I guess it the next level you have getting Beyond once you’re less shameful about sex in general then part of coming out of the closet as somebody who has desire you know I think most of us most of us are still in the closet about having desires that don’t match the the framework that were eliminated by and so the people who there’s huge risks and consequences specially for families and you know you can have your kids taken away if people feel like you’re in some sort of unconventional Arrangement and whatnot so yeah I’ve heard so I guess I’m just any anytime I I hear of a harmonious kind of stable ongoing success story that that’s always music to my ears and I’m always curious just some of the things are working to that so it is one of the things that I’ll mention about that is that my my husband and I have such a good relationship like it’s it’s always been good and you know from the beginning and I know you hear like relationships take work and and that sort of thing and it it never felt like work for us like we do know is that was I think that was good luck on our parts that that we’re such a good match you know around that time you know things when I had met you know the person who became my partner there was also other stuff going on my husband was living overseas working on a eye doctor at the time so you know we were apart and I was very difficult for both of us she also was having some health difficulties at the time so it ended up being a very very stressful. And and that was when the work came in and and you know did take work on the relationship but you know we’re just we’ve always been on each other’s team and you know knowing that that was as reliable as anything can be in life you know made made the rest of it possible I wouldn’t have tried it if you know if we were on Shaky Ground that would not have worked to introduce another person into the equation you know so a lot of it goes to the strength of that relationship with my husband and it’s interesting because you know I’m sort of how we’ve negotiated what’s okay and what isn’t over those few years has changed a little bit but assertive you know the sky didn’t fall and everything is fine and you know this other relationship and I have is is good for me I got a lot of emotional support from from my partner my other partner as well and Jab so it’s just you know it’s easier to build on the success and and I think that my relationship with my husband is now stronger than it ever has been before because we’ve also had you know some challenges and you know that we tested the relationship in a in a very sturdy safe and cautious way for us and and just came out stronger after all of that read between the lines here and there’s a lot of I’m picking up on a lot of really I really positive and healthy and constructive language and things that I just want to turn into a little bit and yeah yeah I’m just I’m just thrilled to hear about this stuff is really except it’s always so exciting to get to get behind-the-scenes if this different working so we know when you said use the word equation and I I think about I kind of got it a giggle out of that because I feel so much of this he know that it is much as we feel like an emotional left brain kind of even childish Tendencies can’t really be rationally computador really can’t be like you can’t you can’t really apply mathematical theories counting metrics to these sorts of supposed to be immeasurable things but I feel like we need it went when I look at it this kind of stuff mathematically it really comes down to how do you how do you distribute the the another kind of logical framework is that I’ve heard it said by wise folks so I look up to in the same similar conversation is like your love is infinite and people who are more naive and their goals and aspirations with polyamory or open relating another kind of naively just sort of prance around feeling that love is infinite so anything goes and we should just be free and do all this but then what isn’t infinite as of yet his is time so you have to be have discretion you have to be able to to really be a good Steward of your time and energy to share with other people and to kind of negotiate the distribution of that infinite love but then how it’s limited by time and space so you have to because it is an equation it is and so to get that to get it to function properly wear two different people have different needs at different times and so it just sit it requires more time it really requires a lot of fun Eng sort of sortino’s things out you can’t even just kind of winging it are you can even speak in just kind of broad terms but have you have you been able to sort of have those conversations in and get to mutual agreements where you’re having the kind of cycles of regular maintenance of certain agreements happening so that everybody feels included and I’m bored and you know all that good stuff just sort of a handbook you know you had a design it a handbook for operating manual for the three of you and you know it analytical person and you know I mean I tend to intellectualize things and that’s that’s my usual approach you know these days I’m I’m working more from my garden and tuning into my gut because that’s something that I realized that I hadn’t been taught and so I was needing to to teach myself how to do that but no I don’t I don’t have a handbook or anything in terms of I guess the bottom line with with these relationships is that you know I’m here in my husband is here and my partner is there and it has always been like that there’s always been that you know almost insurmountable distance and so about is you know while that’s really not fun that’s it’s normal for us and you know you serve work around as you can it takes time and and you know because we’re so far apart it takes money which is not necessarily a concern in the same way as if you were in the same city with all of your partners so you know it’s like there’s practical considerations and you know I have to figure out okay well you know when am I busy with work such that I wouldn’t be able to you know take off on a on a vacation for a few weeks and is so you know that should be kind of frustrating I visited my partner we went on a trip to Europe together and that was in March and April of this year we were traveling together for about three weeks and at this point it’s looking like we’re not going to see each other again until maybe February of next year so you know that’s that’s really less-than-ideal but you know we still have our our regular calls twice a week you know you talking about energy and time not being infinite and you know that’s that’s definitely a factor that I can see up play with myself and my husband my husband doesn’t have the mental energy for anybody else in his life and I’m sorry integral to his life is so there’s there’s only so long I I can be away before it starts to cause my husband problems and for me you know I I guess I’ve got room for for one more because you know like one plus one has where I’m at right now I’m not looking for anybody else because you know this is a lot of emotional investment and and energy and I I tend to go deep rather than broad so I have a few friends rather than a bunch of acquaintances and not to say that it would be impossible but I I struggle to see how how that you know how I could add anybody else into my life in that way and so I’m not looking but sad but I want to have more people in my life that are just you know my people I have the feeling that you know I have always felt like an outsider and I have never had many close friends at any given time and so now I’m sort of looking for that. Reaction you know that I really connect with this person and so I’m you know when I identified that I’m going to work to have that person in my life but you know maybe as a close friend or something I’m not necessarily in inside of a romantic or sexual way this is great stuff too because another another man just kind of seeing a future where where this lifestyle is it’s not even considered an alternative is not considered French it’s just that if if we feel like we’re at a time now where we still is as if it was just barely the beginning of a civil rights movement and people were pretty much comfortable in the status quo of the the Dominator culture with the United States segregation and all of everything that was taken for granted that that’s kind of how I feel where we’re at now of of the resistance to monogamy and the resistance to even just whether it’s gay marriage or or multiple lover marriage or custom contracts for liability responsibility for child care and all these things all of the very limited or these limited Frameworks that we’re stuck in their sent to me I see the similar to The Limited Frameworks of segregation in Liberty Frameworks of all of the backward policies stemming from slavery now that’s what I’m seeing when you’re talking now about how your band Venus and you’re sort of thresholds and and limits and I’m honestly thinking seeing that what what this is evolving tours in a more liberated sense and you can share your thoughts on this as well is is that if you were to be ultimately the CEO of your own sexual intimate emotional Enterprise you know in the end of the mission statement or the sort of prime directive of your of you as an entity is to maximize your sexual potential and have as much diversity and in pleasure and even paying any chance that should be enough but to have that sovereignty as the CEO of this Enterprise wear and you could also have as as that kind of prize have a board of directors who kind of help steer you and you have questions so it’s not like you’re just completely without guidance or completely without any sort of Elders to provide wisdom but in that scenario then you would have a list of openings and in in in in roles did for people to play and some of them will be at the highest ranks and get the most reward from that level the deepest intimacy and some of them will be just people who come by and massage your feet once a week but if you had it if it wasn’t just this binary thing if I go if you’re if you’re the man in my life you have to pretty much measure up to all of these different skills and it’s like if you corporate office environment you’re going to have people with different gifts and talents and training and the person who is very unskilled or or skilled in an area that’s kind of general and doesn’t require you know I’m saying like you so you have the freedom if you had the freedom to to literally and I’m going to do this with clients from now on is just like okay pretend that none of the ad paradigms that you’ve come to know exist and imagine what a sexual lifestyle for you how many people would it take to satisfy your every desire and if you had the you know the ability to to just put that offer out there and have people show up and what they get paid in is the Divine nectar that you need your love is the currency that they get paid any you know that they want they want to have your attention your love and your affection and some people will show up and all they want from to tell they want from you is to give you a foot massage you know some of them they would want to have they want to be the father of your child but when men can get along and accept it stay play different roles in a whole bunch of different other woman’s lies then everybody can kind of get sorted and you can have multiple overlapping Moonlighting gigs you know the system so of lovers so insecure in in their position and they’re not worried that you know somebody else is going to knock them out as you know there’s only one spot and then it’s this attitude of I think a lot comes to in a binary thinking and hierarchy that it’s just it’s a very limited way of of thinking you know you limit your choices and in the possibilities right from the outset just by the framework that you’re using so you know I mean my my parents were married a divorced and they’re now host remarried but you know like very ordinary familiar nuclear family nothing especially unusual there except for a I will note that my parents didn’t fit into standard like traditional gender roles so you know I’ve got different ideas and expectations about you know what what women do and and what you know what is what women’s roles can be and what men do and what men’s rules can be like basically I don’t jobs. You know that old handbook that says well men do this when you do that and that’s the way it is going to be more flexibility in negotiating like well you know these are the things that I like to do I mean I’m going to do the laundry you do the cooking and we’ll work it out you know however it is and you know I think I don’t know maybe that’s that’s part of where my flexibility and thinking comes from but yeah I mean it’s been just me and my husband for a long time and yeah there you know there are things that you know I don’t satisfy but for him or the he doesn’t satisfy for me you know although I’m an introvert I’m still more social than he is and so if I’m relying on him for all of my social activities I’m going to be disappointed so you know just for a really simple example if I want to go out to see a band or or something I’ll go on my own because that’s that’s not a thing that he especially enjoys doing he will do it he won’t like it but he does his best to support me and everything that I do and then vice versa but but yeah like not everybody can can meet every need. But there is an I don’t know that I really look at it from the perspective of okay here are the needs and and I’m going to go out and you know interview to fill this position and probably a little bit more like okay you’re somebody that I want on my team what can I get them to do and you know so I’m just sort of found that I waited a couple of other platonic relationships in the last couple of years since I start of you know become a little bit more open-minded and in my thinking about relationships and and so you know I was pleasantly surprised to discover there was a little bit more there than you know standard laconic relationship but the relationship so I’m thinking of her are both with men who I’ve known for a long time one of them I had dated in high school and and the other one I’ve known almost as long as that and you know so there’s different different possibilities even with people who are already on the team I guess you could say I like the language you’re using in this approach and yes or no he said it will be it will be you have to be more and more delicate recruit Angus recruitment so if we could be free to recruit as needed and to just be free and open to allow that I feel like this is all all moving in in a great Direction so on your blog do you get your you cataloging these the sort of them relations as they come up I’m how much how much detail do you typically share just on your blog I guess I use the blog will start it out more as a kind of therapy I suppose I heard is analogy after I’d already been doing this for quite a while that you know you put the ideas out there and it’s a little bit like group therapy that you’re getting feedback from other people and probably people who have some kind of affinity for what you’re going through and so what I like to do you know when I figure something out that’s when I’ll write about it or you know as I’m I’m exploring a particular issue that’s that’s got my attention and I don’t know that I have those catalogued in any particular way it’s it’s more destructive as I go you know this is what’s in my head today so so you get what you get on any given day so what would you say that’s like if you win these relations or decisions they come up there there’s a sort of thumb Peppard in the your life history that you share a gas if it’s kind of a yeah just ongoing kind of Journal journaling ISM of everything was a project where I had Revisited all of my previous relationships this is you know like when I was a teenager in dating looking back from where I am right now I am surprised at how young I was at the time by the time I ended up with my husband I know I felt so worldly and wise and the end I wasn’t I was still I was just you know pretty much coming out of adolescence really noticed that I had the way I saw it about to all of those previous relationships was mostly not not not in very positive terms and so I just went back with my you know my newer insights and Revisited all of those relationships and like okay so you know what happened here and did I learn anything then can I learn anything now from these things and that series of post was called the Dark Ages because it really felt like that you know that that you know those were the Dark Ages and then I had a Renaissance and and different stuff happening in different ways of thinking about it that’s a beautiful art yeah I think a lot of people can relate to that I certainly can you know it’s it’s more peppered through I think the Epiphany is really where the Blog start since and so you know I’m not sure if I have it tagged if you if you search on my site for Epiphany you will definitely find it it’s it’s one of the very first post when I talk about you know my relationships I will. I’ll tag those according to you know who the relationship was with is with so you know I got pseudonyms for for all of my ex-boyfriend’s this is going back a long time so I don’t think that anybody would necessarily recognize themselves hold onto the block but medium you know the post that deal with my husband will be tagged with with his pseudonym and and likewise with my partner there was a little bit more I think there’s more stuff talking about my partner because that was a new relationship and my relationship with my husband was established and and very comfortable and very you know satisfying for a long time and into this new relationship was actually the first time I felt like I was entering a romantic relationship as an adult like sort of knowing who I was and having a clue of you know what’s actually important to me Beyond well the guys interested in me so I guess that’s a good thing so they don’t suppose sir are all tagged with his pseudonym as well also well then I think there’s plenty of yet we’ve recovered a lot of it in those listening please do go and check out the blog and because something that will save me some what you’re saying now is it it’s it takes a brave partner lover husband to to be associated with if it’s expired or even by sudha Minnesota just makes me miss AC think I actually it’s a good idea to be a sex blogger if if you are if everyone had a sex Blog then there will be so much less of you sand and miss you send drama and Madness in the world because everybody would know that they were going to be you know Sunday news Morning News Drive Time news on the Block if they step out of line they’re going to be you’re going to be publicly shamed it even even buy a pseudonym and or celebrated really in Maytag made a positive example of you know that’s the reason to step up to the other side of that is it if you were to be associated with someone who’s who’s even anonymously but still out there out in that way you would want to do right and and be on your best behavior and it’s it’s it’s not impossible you know if you have a habit of being on your best behavior it’s it could become the rule and not the exception to be to be doing right so I can say that you know I’m not but that’s building out of our relationship which is already strong and and and he has seen a complete confidence in me and he knows that nobody knows who he is and so you know that’s not a big deal but I might my personal code of ethics I guess is that I don’t want either my husband or my new partner to be finding out anything you know anything that I have a problem with for the first time in text on my blog because that just seems rude to me if I’ve got a problem you know and it’s it’s not all perfect if there’s something that’s going wrong that I have an issue with I am going to talk to you to them about it first before I’m writing about it and and also that goes to how I like to write which is I want to I generally want to write things when I figured them out because that’s something that’s interesting to use is to say okay with this is confusing before and now I figured this out and and this is what was going on so if I’m in the middle of of being you know sad about something I probably not gotten to the end of that. Processive of figuring out what’s going on it’s you know that should have been natural resolution to it that when things are are resolved and and passed out but that’s the point when I would want to write about it anyway so it’s it’s no hardship but yeah I well that’s really cool yeah that’s that’s really cool to I appreciate you put that out there and that’s another dimension of just seeing the internet be either 4 hours for helping people mature and grow in their communication skills or having a b a place that holds people back and I really I really kind of juvenile the shadow of being a juvenile State of Consciousness so that’s really that’s really awesome so cuz I think a lot of people who they use the internet and the platform and getting feedback and getting likes and getting commiseration and all that and it can be very shadowy the way it just kind of instantly gratifies that need to have Vengeance against someone who you love or you know when you have a falling out for you have whatever you’re fighting or you’re breaking up or whatever and then all this all these gory details are disclosed to try to him went to try to win over some position against them and what not Inn what that meant a joke that everybody would you end up right back with that when you’re trying to figure out your ex and you trying to do and it’s like now and you know you so doing I appreciate that you have that that diligence that are processed a where you’re going to not use it to just sort of augment and amplify black magic against your own partner you know if you are actually solving issues and Reporting it back in and that’s some and yet it seems like there will be a place for a healthy kind of here’s the situation what do you think before I take action or something you could get advice but but not try to throw people under the bus so I’m not sure I know that’s just my style I feel really uncomfortable with that I guess I guess that’s the empathy I can’t turn it off and and that’s fine by me that you know I like what I want somebody to do that no and it’s you know I’m I’m putting stuff out as I feel comfortable with it if you know so when it goes on the internet I know that that’s it it’s out there and you know you never going to get that back into the Genie’s bottle kind of thing but it’s just yeah I think empathy is the biggest key there that I treating my people the way I you know I would want to be treated you know you mentioned with communication and it’s such such an important saying one of the things that I did want to mention it when I was growing up I did not learn communication I didn’t say I was never encouraged him to really talk about things or express myself and and so that that’s basically sort of an underlying theme of this blog is no actually expressing myself is good and valuable and and it’s a skill that I’ve learned you know I’m self-taught in this and the analogy that I use is that that scene early on in The Matrix where Neo has been arrested by agent Smith and he says you know he’s not going to put up with this. Oh crap I want my phone call and and the responses you know what good is a phone call that you can’t speak and it starts to melt close and that’s how I felt like I had that feeling like there was one of my boyfriend’s I don’t even remember what the issue was that was a problem in the relationship and it was so hard to just get the words out it felt almost impossible and then later on with my husband I had experience you know difficult emotional things and I’m happy to report that that gets better with practice so I definitely encourage that you know if it’s if it’s true it’s true and it’s kind and it’s necessary as they say in a spit it out I totally agree with this is been just it a gift to having your time and having you share this it’s it’s so much more lovely beautiful and revelatory gems are yielded lots of gold came from this conversation I’m just thrilled that we we got to explore these things and I feel like yeah this is Stephanie I don’t know yet I don’t know I hope that you that you write books and will you get you that mention that actually is coming full circle do you want to talk about just where people can find your website and I didn’t know you said that earlier that you do have some some books coming out is that right wordpress.com I’ve got a couple of short pieces published in the erotic on Anthology so erotic on is an annual convention for think they say like 4 for a sexual and erotic created so it’s primarily writing but also photography it’s I think it’s usually in March and this is in London and they’ve done an anthology for the past two years which happens to be the years that I’ve attended so that this the first one is called identity and erotic on Anthology and the other one is called Truth and erotic on Anthology and those are both available on Amazon and you can find I got a piece in both of those and there’s lots of other bloggers who have have pieces in there you can also find some some other great writers through those through those books awesome those sound like all great resources definitely hope folks check it out and ya feel free anytime if you feel compelled you’re welcome to share any thoughts of Revelations or new chapters are in the show I’m I’m always interested in keeping up with people who are who are on The Cutting Edge of all this is good stuff so if you have any final words to close with all means them and I’ll just say again thank you so much and it was great speaking with you tonight not a lot of people that I’m out to in the real world so it’s nice to have a chat with somebody about this stuff or I will always here for you and will definitely be in touch in the future sounds good thanks so much. Calm and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is sustaining and improving the podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email said at the park. Com Thomas Day

Courtney Cleman

Confronting Monsters in the Bedroom with Courtney Cleman TPP113

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In this episode I’m joined by prominent sex blogger Courtney Cleman who has co-developed a compelling approach to confronting monsters in the bedroom. She goes over a list of negative self-limiting attitudes, behaviors, and habits that overshadow many love lives in the modern world. We have a great time comparing notes and connecting dots to reveal how a lot of the sexual insecurities and vulnerabilities of women actually apply to men as well.

About Courtney:

Courtney Cleman is a co-founder of Kate & Courtney, a NYC-based concept dedicated to empowering men, women, and couples with the knowledge to create fulfilling and lasting romantic bonds.
The two women behind the concept are experienced relationship and sex coaches who believe that through support, education, empowerment, and a little laughter, you can find the love and passion you deserve and hold onto it for a lifetime. They view sex and true intimacy as the cornerstones of a supportive, playful, and sexy bond between two people who deeply love each other. When you have a strong foundation in your relationship, then you will be happier, more confident, and feel more powerful – and when you feel that way, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish in your personal and professional life.
Kate & Courtney’s unique program has helped over 100,000 women in Europe understand their partners and themselves, solve sexual health and psychological issues, attract the ‘one’, and build deeply satisfying, lasting relationships. Kate & Courtney are opening their new NYC-based location in September 2017. You can also find their real-world, practical advice on sex and intimacy on kateandcourtney.com.

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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin I want their beloveds welcome to Township on podcast episode number 113 I’m here with Courtney kleeman the co-founder of Kate and Courtney it’s a Blog all about sexual empowerment for women and three much for everybody to explore sexuality education in a new and modern way and they’re also going to be starting up some in person and built such a sex education coaching work in New York soon and so we’re going to hear all about the story of how they blast them together into this form into the media space and also was planning for the future so if you would Courtney please said give us a bit of background and how you what led you to this pass Highland thanks so much I’m Courtney and I’m very excited to participate in the founder of Kate and Courtney and where in New York City law say at this point and I’m late summer this year and started because my business partner and your friends cheat and I looked around and we thought women Dorothy Day have a lot of issues going on a long time and you know it’s just not very very sad and we think there’s a real job in sex education for adults and personally decayed and me we believe that the foundation of happiness is really not typically good at having intimacy with strong and long-lasting so how about them with signs Bay practical real-world advice on how to enjoy sex enjoy intimacy parlay that into a long-lasting happy relationship if that’s what you want and if you want something and be free with yourself because you know about an orgasm it’s pretty much the big the best medicine you can buy for so many reasons thank you so much for doing that important work I’m definitely more finding myself in the alternative on the alternate spectrum and there’s kind of a tenancy amongst people who are more biggest poly or or her open to sort of get build a really positional kind of space where it’s it’s it is almost over or projection on the people who want to sustain long-term monogamous pair-bonded relationships and it’s it’s kind of a false dichotomy you don’t have to be in Warren camps of the transit the old Paradigm in the new paradigm where it’s just there’s a lot of binary thinking still that I’ve come across so I’m I’m I’m very interested to hear more about how you’re helping more I don’t want to see traditional but we could just call it just couples. You know couples that’s two people and they’re making a living together to sharing space usually coconut levitating and possibly building families and there’s a lot of challenges for that so what are some skill sets that you have found most useful in in helping equip couples move is to sexually and with their communication and in other other intimacy type of skills is a long-lasting relationship it doesn’t have to be monogamous actually it’s really what you’ll flavor of happiness in a relationship is their own set of issues but whether you are in a polyamorous relationship relationship to talk about we have the same key Concepts and then issues with intimacy you are article monsters in the bed and the most intriguing what I want to take Explorer with you you yeah definitely is that how we can resolve deeper wounds and traumas and conflicts in a conscious manner through sexual play and release and all that energy work exactly you know everybody has past experiences and all of us have some negative experiences does ideas and beliefs and and so we will we all have our flavor of issues with the article actually talked about and what you were just asked me about it common problems people have a common problem is with all his stuff orgasm people have a lot of issues about how do they work at they feel like it takes too long maybe maybe they only can orgasm I’m in 30 passes on to the partner so that the entire experience gets so that’s that’s something we talked to a lot of people about and really our message is there is no right way to orgasm and of course we can show you a lot of picnics how to great so do you want to come out line that article a bit or are we just going to mention the title but I would love to to have you you know share some of that and definitely get people excited about reading the whole thing but just kind of some some highlights from it will be great to talk to a lot of people on Cade has the first one is the orgasm images of a lot of women are and you really have to be in the moment and Body Image definition of small detail same way in fact I mean if you bring your energy bill if you just said and done to stay that way but that it’s important and get over the body and then I think it impact men and women equally and you know there’s a lot of research on that but ultimately you just have to be confident that you’re confident shut the bleep terrible insect I mean I’m not even sure that it said but we can definitely talk a lot more that’s hardest year for the little lighter there from past experiences with a lot of people have trust issues I’m in a very difficult to enjoy sexual experience if you don’t trust another person because is all about your vulnerable and being able to be letting call if you don’t trust it not possible that you guys are important creature creature is the bag I don’t want to go down on you and then you think everyone is going to but it is being out in the moment And1 hang up and ask negatively impact your ability stop in Tennessee weather yeah me too it seems it seems like they are all vying for power in in the moment sort of rotating between each other or they’re fighting each other to get the key to get in the cockpit of a consciousness of of the person you know if you have body image issues and will be very difficult to orgasm because you’re you’re thinking about your butt or something like that right so what are some of what what is some of the facts that you can come up with in a year is come from and I really do some cell therapy and convince yourself that it it doesn’t matter if it’s okay if you are perfect unless something hurt unless you really have physical pain on motion of pain you are perfect so I think it’s about doing the talking to people absolutely learn how to do this thing. If you have questions about passed on trying to conquer called what layer is it kind of getting in the way of us being happy and address it appropriately and you know Jerry Rice stats well you know something is coming to me is that the body is the body image issues usually it’s at 6 I guess it’s expected that a woman is going to be self-conscious about her body type shape color except for a visa fee whatever is in Vogue in the trans of modeling in music videos of what I’ve seen critiques and studies of the the time sort of a time lapse or a flipbook kind of experience what was considered x-rated almost going back to the earliest forms of Photography and it really started with the ankle and they were using ankles to advertise products in Richard Eight is Enough thank you for pretty well aware that in let’s say if I’m getting this right medieval times or in in previous errors with in Western culture it was sexualized to be voluptuous because that was a symbol of wealth and abundance financially where is if you were too thick thin that meant that you were emaciated and starving and therefore where have the lower class so it was completely inverted and then now I would say recently the rise of non-white new music artist let’s say to keep it pretty bride has his a new hourglass Renaissance that isn’t about course it’s actually about genetics and in only certain people women have The Hourglass genetics so there’s a market for butt implants and it’s just such a moving car and so much money is being made but I bet that’s all kind of say that you would have to be living under a rock not to see these the how you list leads to all kinds of body dysmorphic disorder is and you know the classic eating disorders and then now where where to put the implants and measuring yourself against all these things so that’s that’s pretty well-established for women but doesn’t get talked about probably as much as hell if you’re if you’re a man and you were tall and lanky or short and stocky and you don’t have a certain range of proportionality of your rib cage to your neckline to your the symmetry of your facial bones and all the ways things that would make you a Ken doll or whatever one of the action heroes or also a whole other obviously Marketplace for that but you how do you deal with men who have forms of real story about whether or not they have washboard abs or whether or not you know they’re there was light you know can you bring up a grade point because body image issues actually in popular men and women almost equally I just think that women are more likely there’s just more it’s more, maybe we’ll talk about how it impacts women and you know women are more likely to talk about it and it’s very Troublesome and actually they’re absolutely a lot of men taking a lot of a certain way and it’s you know it’s a vicious cycle right it’s really vicious cycle because you’ll all you will always be chasing the certain body type I’m trying to talk it out I’ll try to read about it and really realizing that it is not something you can never chase and it’s really by you energy and confident that’s what makes you sexy and that’s what that’s What Makes You popular and that’s what makes people gravitate towards you at all the time right with you having a pretty unsuccessful love life and it just tells you that it’s not about Judy but you know where is magazine some pictures and of course otherwise we’re just going to be chasing you know chasing something unattainable I need to see a lot of people do that relationship there in Tennessee and you know it and you know what you help that but it takes a little bit of time it’s not it’s not just one conversation usually well yeah this is deep study I definitely want to spend the time on this end and was something that came to mind for me was just this I think it was in the early 90s hit we came out it was a film called singles and it was based in the East remember that it wasn’t it was like the Seattle music scene kind of think of the grass area in and they had all these different people who were living in the same apartment building and some of them were sort of hooking up and phasing in and out of things and always different character archetypes for love and relationship said and it was genius I I feel and there was there was one line that comes to mind is app for this conversation which is when there’s a whole story there’s a hoe separate 7 storyline of one of the one of the women feeling like she had two smaller breasts and so she went to go and see around house the doctor said no you’re perfect the way you are and you know this guy is he mr. Ryder mr. maybe and maybe you know you should accept yourself as you are and and I was feeling any soccer transform one of the things that happened that was revealing was it to her Rock rocker boyfriend and his name I think it was Matt Dillon bachelor’s Nigella that’s right she said she asked him when he had all these hourglass Amazon Women posters all over his walls and she would just see them feel dwarfed and insecure in an inadequate and so she actually asked him on my breast too small for you and he gave her an honest answer and said sometimes and yeah it was comedic moment cuz he was kind of built that he was meant to be, no fish. Not not so much a douchebag and his own world and not turned into seeing check for sensitive but if I I could say that I’ve experienced the same bias from the other direction but you said are my muscles big enough for you and the answer is sometimes you know so it’s interesting how that you’re working on it makes me feel that if there is too if there is a dynamic that was spoken about but it’s it’s somewhat it could be equal then what was the harm in okay you get to have a Chippendale stripper for your birthday and I get to have a Playboy bunny stripper for my birthday and that outlet is that something that you could have come across this allowing couples to you know fill in the gaps in ways that are healthy and not don’t involve dishonesty or cheating absolutely absolutely people should have a safe and honest relationship now absolutely to them some couples having an orgasm there’s no right way to do it as long as it stays and I believe it’s actually becoming more and more common to have a more open relationship make it easier to meet people enjoy coming back to stay together for a long time because you are absolutely true and honest and we tend to be very embarrassed about it and this is one of the reasons why because we make people happy or whatever your Flavor of Love infection so yes if you want to enjoy things yesterday I definitely Korean so this is would be a paradigm shift for most people to the unspoken assumption is that once you make a commitment to be in a relationship then fruit for most people the way we were literally programmed is that what that commitment means is that I will no longer fantasize pursue think about desire anyone other than you and if I do it’s just it’s breaking our commitment it’s being it’s it’s the form of infidelity even if you’re not married but that’s sort of the standard narrative about it but what what it could be in sin still actually support in a firm couples I think the swingers have been research about how swingers swinging for example as you live longer and your relationships your primary last longer because a year or more if you’re going out and meeting new people and being sexually adventurous with new people you’re going to stay fit you’re going to not just let yourself grow you know and text so I’m taking I’m just let myself go cuz they’re stuck with me and nuts bad habits that can happen when you give up when you stop trying to impress people so that that’s one dimension of it and then I couldn’t agree with you more I couldn’t agree with you more and you know they’ve been numerous studies done about having a support having Social Circle having a support system having a big part of something highly correlated to how long you live so this is your group if you were part of this group and absolutely asked to your house because you are you know what pack animals with I couldn’t agree more right on well yeah this is this is good so it’s whatever is hearing this and is feeling stuck or limited it doesn’t that you don’t have to make the most extreme your shifts right away but just to be able to say no here’s what I feel inadequate about I mean there’s women who I wish I could say to them is it really because you want me to be more muscular cuz I can go do that or week I’ll find a wingman who’s more muscular but we have such an important part connection white white white give that up and then you’re going to complain to me later about how you’re you’re you’re in the cycle of dating bad boy douchebags who fuck you over and he likes it or not so nice guy problems department and I’m trying to sell this while we’re at locate and I are huge fans of nice of nice guys that when people say I want this. Of the other and it has to do with something something superficial it’s an ultimately communication actually resolve everything so I told me think about it shut up I’m in everybody fantasizes everyone has their personal desires every single person in the world if you need with respect to their sexuality what time is the mine which one is the law how hard they wanted everyone is unique and thinking that he fantasizing about someone else it’s just get around that it’s very sexy Beyond somebody really muscular turns you on and sharing this experience and think about what turns you on the most important thing is actually setting up ground rules you really want to discuss everything I everything that comes to mind frequency what would be your relationship with those people where do you meet them how do you meet them everything should be in the open and of course you may not be able to chill you know you can create your own that you’ve all but if it’s really about communication is open and you can explore meeting new people together Again Sports and you can share experiences because you really have you know you are a team that has the life that would be my best advice okay and some experience with them when talking to people about this topic you know I totally different wavelengths with all this said I feel that at the individuals are so deeply fractured and wounded by modern society and all of its ways of penetrating our self-image with media it’s it’s whether you’ve been sexually abused or sexually missed you use whatever degrees along the life pastors there’s just a I feel like there’s a need to create Sexual Healing Fellowship amongst groups of people will wear where we really really give size kind of eccentric waves of thinking where you know I see that when two people are alone together trying to get each other off it’s kind of like pressing the gas in a break at the same time and worship worship rotating alternating pattern that is kind of a energetic circuitry if you will select electrical engineering if you want to if you want to have maximum energy purifying the chakra system than one person or the receiver fully relaxes and The Giver or givers preferably in my opinion Focus all their energy on on bathing in hydraulic Lee pressurizing and helping to for her person to purge out all of that baggage sold those bedroom monsters and then begin to know themselves at a level of their Essence in their higher self that doesn’t really usually get Explorer to receive when people are in orgasm race just the two of them and neglecting so many erogenous zones that you would need 12 hands to cover just the most basic human or not to mention the ones that are very idiosyncratic where it could be a tone of voice tone or word or a song I mean or something if you were to design a sensual erotic healing empowering ritual for a person you need more than one other person to do it to maximum capacity so I’m sort of becoming a marketing engine or this public service living breathing public service announcement that we’ve got to socialize sexual sex sex care like healthcare butt sex care and it’s got to be a team sport and that the results is my experimentations with with this approach have been so profound that I just never want to go back to that what feels like a really kind of simple ways to get a bigger flame and but there’s also more drama and it’s more personalities so if it’s that the interesting thing about the time designing a sacred ceremonial ritual you know procedure is that people kind of other roles to play and it’s and if you’re if you’re making a cedar of orgasmic pleasure for somebody who is the receiver of the devotional energy then there’s not a lot of sloppiness and there’s not a lot of oh my this is like that third wheel or the Unicorn as a lot of those issues when you just have sex parties that aren’t really there not really pretty according to a rotational principles over or like a is a certain Symmetry and clock we’re in and just a beauty of a de Mando way of doing things energetically so it’s kind of a mouthful but I would say it’s I think it’ll be an ideal to strive for more than just how to please your man you know and yeah that’s the way to do that but what if what if a woman comes the hardest watching her man gets fucked by three guys to see how do you say okay then ask them what your wildest fantasy is and helps them and Safeway HR classes in late summer we’re going to have that as part of our classes because I feeling all your senses and most to the north of us. list of all the Santas an important that it just gets deeper and for people who are bored so that’s something that you mentioned early on was said that there’s just a you know a couple of state do they have children that get bogged down in daily life and just multitasking and there’s less time and there’s less space if you’re so this expensive virtual experience specially when you’re applying energy towards your goals and you have a bigger Mission then it never gets boring because you’re always you’re always a directing it towards your goals and your your personal development do you want to talk about how some of what you were what are you doing to help people get over the the the boredom and the just a routine miss that comes with knowing each other and just sort of stopping it at a shallow level of physicality and boredom sucks and it’s just it’s just natural and then I’ll have a gold shield sex position and when he will have sex with one person only you typically go to the you just go to those people eating food with having sex and figuring out how to tell if this is what I wanted to bring you things then that’s it could be sex toys that could be sex position from places to have sex at that you want but it’s really just an open mind and doing your thing otherwise it’s like everything else thank Estelle and we talked to a lot of people enjoy successfully it’s amazing how easy to get people are much more open-minded and accepting when it comes to feel each other’s hands when they come to class when you talk to someone who just like a long long long time we’re just young people oh and I was going to say and I’m sure you see that when people explore whatever Lifestyle the Explorer it’s just one day for it when they get to do what they really fantasize about what makes it sound wonderful I’m so glad you’re doing if you want to talk about your offerings more and exactly you know how how you would like people to connect with you and will you have coming up and then any other words of advice that it’s really been a pleasure to get synapse formation into to compare notes yeah I know we are New York City based on the website is Cade and courtney.com and we have Janelle we’re have articles and all sorts of traffic you could would love to hear from you and will we can. We can talk to you privately or we can run out and we’ll open up open up around midnight and we’re going to have classes for for people who are dating for trying to establish a relationship established just to learn how to orgasm how do you how what are the different ways how you can orgasm because there’s so much more than one if it is so much more than just a clitoral orgasm about male orgasm and pleasured and will need that you should you should absolutely hair and try to catch your partner but also enjoy yourself and so are classified balance and you know this is what you could do for filling experience beautiful thank you so much yeah well, I’m looking forward to continuing to catch up on your block and we will be in touch again weather for Texan Ranch Brandon Boyd over here to help people and answer questions then to you know wishing everyone a wonderful love whatever whatever you want to do beautiful all right thank you so much you have a great night. Calm and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples every bite illogical employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email bad by Tasha Punk. Com Thomas gay

Ann St. Vincent

The Secret Life of Sex Blogging with Ann St. Vincent TPP112

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In this episode I am taken on an exclusive journey behind the posts of high-end sex blogger who has been living double lives as a powerful executive by day, and a sexual adventuress by night. She helps us understand the glories and difficulties of her path of uncompromising sexual exploration, empowerment and expression.

About Ann:

My name is Ann St. Vincent. I am an executive businesswoman in my early 40s.  I am a divorced woman and a Mom; my son Liam lives with me half the time.

This blog is my journal.

The last several years of turbulence in my life – involving a sexless-then-open marriage and taking advantage of it, divorce, sexual reawakening, online dating – all while navigating equal custody of my son and trying to maintain a good relationship with my ex – inspired me to get back to writing.

Unlike many divorced women, I am not bitter or angry at my ex for the breakdown of our marriage.  We both agreed we should go our separate ways.  I don’t regret my choices.  I’m pretty happy.  I’m not using a dating coach (yet).  I’m not looking to replace my husband and get re-married.  What I am, after a 15-year almost totally sexless relationship, is very keen on coming back to life, fulfilling every physical and emotional desire I have. At this point, I’d also like a boyfriend.

So far, so good. Life is fun and quite messy and I’m just figuring it out as I go along.

Everything here is true and my first hand, un-embellished experience, but the names of those I mention are disguised to protect the guilty. Enjoy.

http://annstvincent.com

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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin I love your beloved’s welcome to Township Park podcast episode number 112 I am doing a call with N St Vincent a prominent sex blogger and it’s become a sort of a series now I’ve reached out to the number of sex bloggers to expand their Horizons of the type of guests on the show and I’ve been learning a lot and there’s so much diversity and so much just candid life stories especially from the more traditional blogs where people are sharing life journaling basically journaling life events and being vulnerable and opening up so it’s a real gift to be able to speak to a a blogger of that nature so and would you please definitely tell us about your background and what led you to become the prominent sex bloggers that you are well I didn’t have a lot of experience with bugs at all when I started writing of the few years ago now when I was getting right after separating from my now ex-husband and girlfriend of mine after hearing stories had asked whether I had written it down and suggested I should and she’s the one that recommended that I write writing to me at least journaling is something that I have always done I stopped doing it actually after a long time ago with my ex-husband and so it’s actually quite natural for me to write I think of what I do is my journal except I share it with a lot of strangers that’s how I started running right on so what are you have a beautiful layout of your website it’s it’s what over 800 post now it sounds like you’re down by category so do you want to kind of give us a preview of some of the themes of the categories combination of two things I was writing the dating stories or the the Misadventures I was having or Adventure there was having after becoming single I was in a marriage or relationship for 15 years and I was also trying to start to process what happened in that relationship and cuz I just started to think about her what would be the categories really is as I’m thinking about my my life and so some of it has to do with my marriage although more and more or less and less about that as it progresses in time and I know that some people are interested really and just reading about the sex stuff so I try to make that easy for them if they want to just get to I think what I call I think I have a section called quick and dirty and then more about relationship because it really is a Blog about really is all the things that have been happening to me for my relationship perspective and a sex perspective since becoming single a few years ago and so do I have to I have had some relationships but good and bad and then I have had a lot of sexual adventures and so that’s really how I think about it and then sometimes I write about family or friends but usually that is more rare or being a mom that’s not the predominant stuff but it is you know it’s all parts of me so you can find that kind of stuff as well so it’s kind of like it was coming to me and say a reality Blog the way we think of reality TV where you get these candid insights into all these Dimensions if of life and get the kind of learning grow along with somebody is a kind of like that yeah I think so it really is my turtle and I like I said I started writing to process it never occurred to me that anyone would want to read really what I was writing I mean I know that sex is titillating but I was writing about some of the injury and in a marriage and my marriage ended up being sexless and and it was open for a while and then I kind of got into online dating and I was insane and just really I didn’t think there was anything particularly compelling other than the fact that girlfriend seemed like my stories we were stories are good for over drinks and I write the only way I know how it is if I’m actually sitting and telling you a story and so it is it is really like that it is my journey it is my inner thoughts and of course that’s a bold overtime in that I am now aware that I have an audience I have people that will call me out on my crap if but it is it hasn’t really changed fundamentally what the purposes of the blog which is to help me sort through the things that I’m doing and thinking about him seeing and experiencing so the transition that you’ve made is it’s it’s very well it’s just it’s refreshing and in beautiful empowering to know that more women are stepping up into Independence and opening up and you talk about that some of the glory and the challenges with with that process going to specifically of transcending in Elk Grove and the container of what were told is the only way to love and relating to child-raising call Vesta why was I was fairly I’m told him not to use the term promiscuous because that’s a judgment statement so positive whatever we want to use but I like sex alot before I met my now ex-husband and had a lot of sex and started yelling and I’m sure there are lots of reasons for that that we can get into there was a lot of judgment around that know when your 20 and choosing to have casual sex or multiple several partners and being a pretty free about it at least at the time now in my early forties scene in the same way that it is when you come out of the marriage and you’re 40 and I’m free to do what you want and I had some experiences near the Tail part of my marriage once it was open that helped me realize that I really did miss that that aspect of my marriage and it was something that it wasn’t the only reason that our marriage ended in fact it was by the least reason that our marriage ended but ultimately I knew that I needed to I guess find that part of me again it was something that was completely turned off for very long. Of time is Italy I mean and I knew that I just wanted to find it I wanted to find my sexual self and that was a very deliberate thing that I set out to do as soon as I became single and it’s something I’m still doing although it’s maybe with the frenetic Pace now but I’ve also realized over time that it is is it is sometimes difficult to bring your whole self to bear in situations and so I remember going from one day I think I was at a sex club in the afternoon with someone and then of course when to pick up my son and had this moment of how weird that felt being being a mom I mean I’m a corporate executive you know I wear a suit most days I’m a mom to a young child and but yet I sometimes go and do things that are definitely on the fringes actually and that’s all me all the same package but yet starting to embrace that a little bit more and being more open about pieces of that certainly with friends is pretty liberating feels great just find that and to not really have to answer to anybody in the same way any part of that is just because as you get older you have a little bit of soda if I may can I swear you know I also have to recognize that it’s not exactly something I bring to the Forefront all the time because again is just one component of who I am it’s not the most important one and it’s are some people a bit off-putting cuz they don’t expect it but it’s really great to have that option yeah I can pick and choose and I’m certainly pretty open with most of my girlfriend’s as an example many of them know that I write and read the blog stories it actually becomes a short form cuz they’ll have read a post and then I don’t have to explain in text all the stuff that’s happened to the good stuff awesome Clark Kent Superman kind of soup there been times where I’m in the office and working and I need large team and Senior executive and look around but it’s still I don’t think it’s Unique to women like quite frankly I don’t really want to know about my colleagues sexual Adventures necessarily either like I wouldn’t find that distracting at the office I was surprised I’ll say you know coming back into the dating world after 15 years I was pretty if you’d asked me before I would have said that I expected the judgment to have changed and there to have been less of a double standard between women and men in if men do one thing and women do the same thing you know that it would be judged more similarly and I I was actually rather horrified to learn that that’s not true at all that the same behavior for a woman and a man is still and fortunately does quite there for me well you know like it’s funny that as you were as you’re speaking about this work the work-life play sort of balance and the finalization everything and then I felt like we’ve come a long way since as what in western civilization at least when I say we from the Roman bath houses where they wouldn’t be sexual harassment claims cuz everybody after work would go and have sex together in the bathhouses to talk about work at the network that was networking Meetup to go see that you know sometimes people just call you need to have a really good orgasm with a relaxed a little bit but yes that has changed I think one of the most powerful things and for me has been finding the occasional person our man in my life has it been who knows all of the factors and still is okay with all those facets and that’s something that I know from a couple of a very close friend who also blogger and she and I are challenge with that same thing which is there are men who are certainly coming out of these kinds of communities and you know if you meet them out of your blog Persona and they’re okay with the rest of you like that becomes very powerful but it’s very difficult to meet somebody in a more alcohol save vanilla wedding and then how do you explain to them what how do I say oh by the way I’ve actually been exploring my sexuality in a in a significant way and I’ve done these in some cases kind of wild things and I still want you to see me exactly the way you did before when you just kind of assumed that was maybe not like that and that doesn’t happen very often unfortunately in it if it’s you all to have to make a call and went to even share any of that even sharing a Blog is fraught with challenges it’s not ended well for me yet but anytime I’ve done it close calls are times you tried to backpedal there I’m just curious if if this is to be it’s yeah it’s just interesting maybe do you have tips or from from hard lessons hard to learn what is because I talked about my the break out of my marriage and what happened when it was open but it was open in a don’t ask don’t tell kind of way which I’m sure some will table that’s not open but you know there was an awareness that things could happen outside the marriage I wrote a lot about that and let’s just say my ex-husband would not at all be pleased for to the gross understatement to discover that I am not only doing the kinds of things that I’m doing but I’m writing about them including the breakdown of our marriage and he would be and so I’ve had to I Really at first didn’t tell anyone about the writing except this one girlfriend who had a grudge me to write in the first place but then no overtime I’ve become especially as time has gone away like I don’t write so much for my marriage anymore time is progressing to become more comfortable with my whole self I have started to tell more people but I’m still quite cautious right of not telling people that would be in a circle that make sure that with him but then when it comes to dating it it is something that it is a very tricky thing you’ll find people and some bloggers who say it’s absolutely not okay to write anyone about anyone if they don’t know that you’re writing about them I think that’s quite frankly easier said than done but I’m not sure that I am very careful about not disclosing anything that would indicate anybody’s identities but then two then you have to make a call I got at some point if you do want to let someone in on on that knowledge of how you do that again It’s Tricky and I was dating someone so his name on my blog is fox and he was mature guy seems like he’d be pretty chill about it a bit kinky, knew about some of the stuff that I got enough to and was fine and I decided that because we seem to be on pretty good relationship trajectory I said okay to myself like I’m going to tell because I didn’t I don’t want to have this as a secret from some of the time in a serious relationship with his fine he said he was cool I didn’t tell him the Blog name I just told him that I log out there and he was fine with it until he wasn’t thought it out a couple of the stories that I use those stories I’m pretty hi Google something to do with gangbangs other things blog and so hard for him to find it and then he started reading and as I would be the same for sure he I was writing openly about the relationship I’m kind of lost his mind at that point we understand I would never want to know if the tables were turned far into a relationship with someone I would never want to know I will write when I have doubts and I will write when I’ve had Scrappy sacks you know what I don’t get it from that perspective would be difficult for me to give anyone any advice other than be really careful but it all the advice and I’ve written about this on my blog actually and I can find the link for you if you want which was I was dating somebody after that and month later and Eli after I ate the first experience I’m never going to tell anyone really really serious and down the road and there’s nothing bad decided to look kind of obsessively to all of my like my real life I know I’m logged life social media account and I had one connection between my real life Instagram account on my blog Instagram account and he found it he found that link and having to be good friends blog and I’m on her blog roll and there was not to get into it but there was a reference that she had made on her Instagram account that he knew that it was me and then found me through that my blog through that and that relationship ended very very badly blog but the lesson I learned from that was around you know that you start writing and I think most people especially in the Hexbug and community community so you tend to make friends through the blog you connect with people that are like-minded and it becomes tempting as it was for me at some point to say oh well there now like I can connect with them through my personal like my real account and you have to be very very rigorous and not do that not so much because that somehow wrong that you want to connect with people but it does leave you vulnerable am I issue for me was that I made my friend vulnerable to because he knew that her real life identity because she’s one of my closest friends and I have been talking about her and he was able to make that connection so I put her at risk as well and that’s the kind of stuff that you think about when you’re just excited cuz you’ve met these people who you think are wonderful and you want to reach out then maybe you don’t have a Blog Twitter account to use your real Twitter to you know you don’t think about it you don’t think about it and you just do it and it feels great cuz your meeting with wonderful supportive Community but you know most people in the world I think are trustworthy but occasionally if something happens and you’ve got these connections it actually kept me very bad things like I sent my ex-husband email using my email address private and I cannot complete freak out that I was referring to you about even things like making sure you have never email if you are the kind of bloggers that I am in and you’re you need to be careful like some people are out fully in the open but the kind of job I have the fact that I’m am all the fact that I have an ex-husband like all these things are make it really important for me to to be careful and so yeah there’s there’s things like even emails email accounts and not using certain accounts that are very very good at consolidating your information like a Google email is logged into my blog and I sent a YouTube link to somebody again using I didn’t even know ya the Google Plus thing you have no idea if you I believe all these things so I’m having flashbacks yeah I actually I had a Google Plus account and I I I I deleted it because it was just far too hard to control that integration and Integrations great something it’s not the great when you’re writing a sex blog you don’t want people to know that wow very enlightening I can not think I ever thought of it before either so that’s why I also wrote a couple posts about it for my readers because I wanted people to be aware of these things just you know just keep him in mind and pay peoples make her own decisions but just the vulnerabilities that are there at that while you’re there and I didn’t want anyone else or bad and I figured I could do but least I could do nothing but what I wanted to do for people with and hopefully not have them look at each other the same mistakes I made so thank you for sharing that with tell him yeah it’s in the comment on this obviously but it’s interesting that there is this the sort of a parallel opening up of dialogue and kind of a a Renaissance around psychedelic research and Shamanism and plant medicines a different kinds and ceremonies and it’s it’s been it’s been a struggle for mothers to talk about their experiences in the in the world is using entheogens for healing and for Transcendence you know and because there’s a threat that well at anything as a parent can be used against you in the family court of law basically you know so do you have any tips or experience with that hopefully you know you haven’t seen the worst of kind of dynamic but I know it’s something that a lot of women don’t speak out and don’t don’t build community using the internet because of these types of you know you’re just building a case against yourself in certain instances and if you don’t if I don’t know if there’s a right way or how you would just offer you know to tips for support but calculated risks I guess it time so yeah I think that’s what it is I have a fairly amicable relationship I would say if we didn’t if there was any kind of custody argument or fight or those kinds of things I would probably not shake the rest I do think a lot of people moving a lot I started logging not because I had an end in mind in terms of a book or a movie deal of those kinds of things I know a lot of money or they want to turn it into something a writers and so this is a another vehicle to get that kind of famous but that’s ultimately they want to make money off a Blog and I actually live in fear a little bit of of that because then suddenly becomes more likely that someone who’s heard my stories in real life is going to make a connection right so I think I think I definitely would not be so open about it if I was in a different situation with my ex I think people are not always so not as cautious as they should be frankly in or around writing some of these things in terms of Facebook group come out of group for divorced people I read some of the people right you don’t know who the other four thousand people be careful. I think at the end of the day like it for me it’s it is really about expressing what I’m going through and processing what I’m going through and I’m willing to take the rest I did my due diligence and thinking through from a professional perspective what the impact would be if it was found out if my professional life and my blog life but connected and I decided that if that were to happen Okay number one executive has a lot of facts is not exactly going to be some hell but I did I did decide that in the very unlikely scenario but that was to happen and that’s something negative was to happen to me as a result to my employer finding out that I would be the first one to show it from the rooftops that there’s no justification for that you know if that was the case I would absolutely fight for the fact that what I choose to do between consenting adults none of its illegal to have any bearing on my ability to do my job call me. I need that calculator husband now I can shut the block down pretty quickly I’m really careful about who knows I just hope he’s too busy and disinterested ever even think that it would be out there all right well it’s a reminds me I was at the adult industry door entertainment industry panel discussion about how this Administration is going to affect prosecution’s around insanity and you know with pouring and all that and what it was the lawyers from the panel or saying you know just make stuff that you’re proud of and it you’re willing to fight for and if it’s you know something that the community is people within the industry feel is worthy and recency amongst extreme pornographers believe it or not you know what you’re doing you’re not harming children or animals you’re having a great time living it up as a human being being creative and playful with your adult toys to do you know it’s only people who are jealous that would you don’t get too upset and want to shame anyone for that so I would agree and that I am willing to take the rest gate it it has become the blog and yeah you mentioned that I was writing every single day thousand words a day and it was super important to me and just being able to actually think it helps me think through things and help me make decisions the feedback also became important to me that the comments and I’m always saying to people don’t sugarcoat it I don’t want to just have a course of people that they owe you go girl and it’s nice to hear but that’s not actually really but the end of the day if I’m struggling with something I want to hear people’s perspectives even if I don’t like that I think about it as having a whole bunch of additional therapist are people who you’re could share their opinion on what I’m doing and and I don’t want to give that up and that’s important to me and so I’m willing to take the risk for that it’s it’s less it’s become at least more recently important but I’ve had I settled ever-so-slightly more Partners than people do in a lifetime one night yeah I think I went to a sex club one night and I had probably think five or six man and then I have this moment I think I’ll make a note of that for someone in their entire life and sexual partners I’m getting a little bit too yeah I wanted to know so there is this Mystique around corporate execs and the obviously the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon and I’m kind of getting a little bit of what’s the word curious I suppose about that the inter workings of the power dynamics if that say you heard if your if you have power a lot of people say that kind of stereotype around what what the male CEO executive is doing at a femdom dungeon temple temple of sorts is to release and surrender and let go of all that power and authority that’s being wielded with so much stress and responsibility during the corporate office workday or work weekend and I’m curious to have some of your cycle analysis of what’s going on in your what you found to be the what do you cook the your your release from the tension of the work place and into the realm of sexuality and how that is expressed for you I guess I could read all your blog posts or some of them and get a sense but it for this moment I’m just curious if you have a and you’re right it is so I had a his name is Andrew on the blog and he was the first person to talk to me about submission in a you know I have big shots of it but actively thing to me he said am I think you should go read go join at life website and look into Alpha subs and and he said I think you might be able to get into Subspace right which is a submissive can get into as a result of the pain or the body creates endorphins shut off that goes into this play he had suggested that and I kind of got down the rabbit hole at life of learning about submission and talking to some Dom and leading a lot about that and then decided I’d experiment a little bit with that and I’m not I am absolutely the leader at work a leader at work and have power I would say your and it’s interesting to me that it is not something that I particularly want to have quite happy to submit and I prefer it and it was only when I started reading about all of this that I liked you say you look correlation between professional strong women and a man in submission I don’t I don’t want to comment because I don’t know that true but maybe if you took 10 senior professional women would more be submissive and dominant yeah I guess that’s what I’m saying that’s from what I’ve done and yeah I don’t know if it’s so much for me to release stress I love what I do and it is a stressful job but I actually derive pleasure from from what I do I love my job other people is not stressful in the same way for me but I guess I enjoy not making decisions it’s nice to have that it’s certainly nice the kind of man that I find ultimately you’re going to think about the best partners for me would certainly be mad men who have the right balance of aggression and respect and for that is true in the bedroom I am not the kind of person and I met someone who is actually kind of funny Siri is he just called the dog trainer cuz that’s what he did he what he fancied himself a dog but he was really bossy and he tried to boss me around outside the bed early show up and say go do that dive your submissive and Michael number one I’m not I wouldn’t call myself a job and you have to earn it number to order something entirely different between in a physical act and taking charge and he wanting somebody to take charge and yes at time getting into a farmer submit some kind of exploring that’s different than someone just saying go get me a drink it’s a story about please say please and I think it is I don’t know all the reasons but that turns me on but I do know that sometimes I just I like to not have to make a decision like Joy having a male partner who’s going to be taking charge that way cool bro that’s a good could you see and say and guys who have it figured out at least four women like me it’s fantastic but more often than not I find men who are just not that you don’t quite have that balance they either think everything is directive or they asked permission to everything that some kind of my car please stop after which maybe go against those attempts to walk on eggshells and then that leaves the woman saying where’s the beef you know and I’ve been in the opposite situations where you it’s just always think the solution for it I heard someone say recently that the I guess the take home from what was being said it wasn’t the exact point don’t want to take it out of context but basically was the reason one of the key reasons for there to be for sex to be a social activity is it it helps keep people in check in how to keep you safe boundary and container and check if other people are kind of refereeing what’s going on because there’s a tendency and private if you just want you to one person might be bending their boundaries without even knowing it and regretting it later another person is in the moment could be bending their own agreement it’s just the the tendency to get into the trouble on either side of a a dyad is upset when you have more people around who are going to say Hey you know I don’t know what’s going to happen but if I make this one facial expression that I don’t even know I’m making that’s probably time to tap the guy out you know I’ve never heard that before but I love it there’s so much to learn once we start actually being open and talking about stuff Wilkes we’ve covered a lot of material and I’m so I guess they are so grateful to have received this Insight from vinevale and has been this it is kind of a alluring this double life and the challenges that we have in the modern social media era to deal with the stuff and so I’m sending my best prayers and wishes that that you’re continually safe and protected and and honor and cherish and respected in people’s you know see what you’re doing when they have a they see that you’re I did it’s a good ending in well-intentioned and purposeful mission that you have and and have no interest in outing you or any other if you know that I’m just not too sure if they understand the value that you’re bringing to other people who may be could be in the middle of nowhere and have no access to the culture that you have access to and this could be what gives them permission to even start to masturbate or something you know me that’s a big deal so yeah yeah it’s name is Leo on the Block I do have tags you know for all the names well so far what I would write would help anybody because it really is no my own Journey but it has been probably probably but it is been a real amazing side benefit and completely unexpected honor that people reach out and read and some in some cases say that yes I have open their eyes to things or has really helped them or the aspire to the same amount of a kind of Freedom that I have or write about Ben incredible if you’d asked me three and a half years ago I started writing in a whether I thought that would ever happen I would have last course not like nobody do you have any do you want to promote anything coming up on the website or just give the URL and direct people there in any closing words you might have a new maybe he’s going to end up just being one time lover will see and feathers for 800 Coast but hopefully decently easy for people to navigate to they know the sections are the stories might be of interest I know a lot of people just start at the beginning and just read so that’s always an option to although I can’t imagine doing that but I’m always up to something every day and then that time if there’s something going on I post everyday for two days and I know okay thanks again so much and you have a great evening thank you it was so delightful to meet you I love you. Tantra Park. Com can cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Aphrodite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Tasha Punk. Com Thomas gay