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Joel Brierre yoga

The Taboo Bending Path of an Entheogenic Yogi with Joël Brierre TPP282

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In this episode I’m joined by my new entheogenic yogi brother for an exploration of his radical personal journey of transformation, and his taboo bending offerings spanning diverse wisdom traditions both ancient and modern

About Joël

Joël Brierre is a Yogi, teacher, psychedelic integration specialist, and IMHU trained spiritual emergence coach. He began his relationship with psychedelics as a teenager in an exploratory manner. Marveling at the chance to explore the unexplored, Joël began training with Curanderos in Peru in 2001 where he further pursued these heightened states of awareness. Eventually shifting his focus into a deep and devoted yoga practice, he began teaching yoga and meditation and soon moved on to India to study in an ashram setting in Rishikesh. From there he traveled all around the world, soaking up knowledge and sharing what he’d learned. He was reintroduced to plant medicine in 2009 while living in the Caribbean, and began to incorporate this into his yoga practice. From there he went on to study with various guides and facilitators of differing lineages and practices With this combination of knowledge, Joël now leads retreats and workshops around the world on the plant medicine and yoga connection. With over 10 years of teaching and multiple teacher trainings, Joël is certified at 500 ERYT. Joël mainly works with the compound 5-MeO-DMT in it’s pure form as well as in the venom of the Bufo Alvarius toad. This compound is said to be the most powerful entheogen on the planet, allowing participants to experience a non-dual state of awareness in which they cease to view reality as an individual and are completely absorbed into the infinite. Joël believes the toad medicine’s effect of a non-dual experience is congruent with the Samadhi states that can be attained through yoga. He assists individuals through pre and post integration using a program he derived from the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.

Please visit his website at:
https://www.itsallsource.com/

 

My Non Verbatim Show Notes

JB: originally from washington dc, growing up, crack epidemic, crazy

turbulent time

awesome parents, parents, new age practices, yogic practices, experimenting in modalities

spiritual lifestyle

knucklehead, learn lessons head on, take longer to learn up

after quite a few life lessons, stints in jail,

2003 moved to Virginia

started bartending

couple years, did nothing

didn’t want to be in scene from before

over it, over drug addict/dealing lifestyle

no idea what to replace with

excessive drinking, eating, working day and night

eating and drinking a lot, very angry person

had been slim, got into heavier set around that time, above 200 lbs, miserable

felt no power to change, no will to stop the way I was eating, drinking

didn’t enjoy it, toxic relationship,

one day re-read, book, way of the peaceful warrior

first time, good book, second time, hit like ton of bricks, ready for it

what am I thinking

took reigns, took control of self

inspiration, determination, got out of relationship

exercising, eating more healthy

different relationship,

young lady decided to get me to go to a yoga class

laughed off idea, man who works out going to yoga class, even knowing what it was all about

still ingrained toxic masculinity, felt triggered, wanted to reject

got me to go, lay semi conscious

fed humble pie

I felt it, lasted for weeks after class

physically and mentally

started pursuing deeper,

bikram yoga, going to a couple classes every week, enjoying it, feeling lacking something

other modalities, hatha, vinyasa,

taking practice deeper

2008 moved to virgin islands

things started to unfold

st. john,

caribean, fathers haitian

took me right in, 2/3 national park

tree house resort, around since 70s

lived in a place, lived like never never land from Hook

tree houses connected to each other like ewok village

lived with 2 teachers, practicing everyday

a few spiritual awakenings seemed like psychotic breaks, could only relate to psychedelics

refraining from substances, little cannabis here and there

abstain from alcohol

had experiences that reminded me of psychedelic experiences

in 90s, really into psychedelics

parents got me casteneda books, leary, huxley

deep thirst for adventure into unknown

virgin islands, experiences, more than slightly psychedelic

kriya yoga, kundalini

3:30 get up, practice from 4:00 to 7:30

reintroduced to medicines by two teachers

trepidation at first, had a lot of bad trips

hardcore psychonaut, 15-20 tabs of acid,

¼ ounce of mushrooms

go hard back in the day, medicine would always try to show me things I wasn’t prepared to see

issues, things gone unnoticed, present, front and center

lot of anxiety, jump back into realm of oddities

this time different, sacred setting, meditations, chants, opened the space

found myself in this beautiful space

anxieties, using breathing, surrendering, finding this is a whole different game

spiritual practices, geography to make my way through this much

looking through emotional patternings

why they were there

ego attachments

contacted dad, develop relationship with him again

lot of pride, identified with previous criminal drug dealer self, wanted to get as deep into it as I could, glorified, process of letting go of story

after out of business for years, convicted felon, see how holding on to story, speak for present life

re-introductions to psychedelics and medicines, catalyst to take everything to where it is now

traveling, lived in india, ashram, few awakenings

wasn’t working with any medicines in india

move to australia, sydney, opened studio

powerful urge to work with medicines

seeing shamans faces in meditations

mom and I went to peru, worked with san pedro cactus, mother tried to bring healing to 18 year old self

see, introduction to that lineage, re-introduced in australia, deep calls,

message to peter gorman, put out book,

sapo my soul or something like that, contact him, very connected down in amazon, asked if still had connections

next day, young lady, gf of a friend, from mexico, bringing curandero from peru, coming to do sacred ceremony

fell right in, started working with him, became fire guardian, sweat lodges, learned what I could from him

moved back to carribean

moved back to states

all of that still churning, evolving

manifested in combining medicine into yoga retreats, had been holding retreats for 10 years, started in bali

6 years ago, bringing medicine in

wasn’t confident to serve professionally

serving dmt to friends

bigger ceremonies, facilitating

evolved to integration

put there for a reason

psychedelics are deeply rooted in hindu mythology and in yogic philosophy period, what is soma, entire passages of vedas, singing worship to goddess of soma

agreed to be psychedelic potion of some sort, which substance not agreed upon yet

understood that connection

started using patanjali’s 8 limbed path of yoga sutras, direct application for psychedelic integration

extract juice, extract message from abstract experience

helping your growth

re-introduced to 5me0 dmt

first tried back in 2000, don’t remember

this time, ahhh

experience was the culmination of everything I’d every learned and studied

pure full body, full spirit understanding of samadhi, full cessation of self

god molecule

draw within for few weeks

stopped teaching for a while

ceased to teach classes there, let go of slots

something wasn’t fitting anymore

wasn’t feeling I was doing what I was here to do by teaching a 90 minute vinyasa practice

still beautiful, wasn’t want I was interested in teaching

more satsangs, lectures, workshops

call to take medicine service deeper

trained to serve with Shipibo tribe

clear message, no, this isn’t the medicine you came here to serve

5me0, fear

not sure if you’ve seen someone on 5me0 , very strong experience, has resulted in death

tried to resist, push out notion, no no, creep its way in,

I realized, I needed to learn more

reached out to quite a few other known , respected by me or peers

talk share notes, information

trial and error

help self and beautiful wife,

retreats, focus work on retreats

idea, taking someone out of daily life, growth seldom happens in comfort zone, but make sure they’re comfortable

make sure they’re received very lovingly/warming

prep with participants weeks before retreat starts, online meetings

individual prep work

seeing where holding resistance, suffering

5 yogic principles of suffering

holding container, holding space for whatever they need

making sure nothing for them to worry about or think about

everything taken care of

scary or daunting deep work, feel supported, feel held

get to feel into themselves, expansiveness, great mystery

support of group, support of us, tools at our disposal to handle anything that comes up

purging experience, things need to come up to be released

solid warm safe container, face what they need to

after that, setting in place what they’d like to see in their daily life

doing this work is process of elimination

what do we put in its place

how do we want to operate, respond to loved ones

taking advantage of state of neuroplasticity

using very very well defined system for psychdelic integration, tryptamine sutras

using this system of self inquiry

each participant gets own practice, prescribed daily session

instead of getting swept back up in old routine, have something they can do everyday 10-15 minutes, piece of reading, something to draw back to experience

nurture what is growing

integration very hands on

there for all participants after experience

touch in personally afterwards

about creating lasting change

TP:

amazing, I could listen to you talk forever, every rabbit hole, exquisite, connecting dots

have a lot of catching up to on systems you’ve woven together

what comes to mind is my first, broad set of questions

I just imagine, I’m listening to your story, fuck yeah, amazing, what we gotta do, positive side of postmodernism, syncretism, fusion

mixed martial arts, what about mix healing arts

haters on cultural appropriation, fallacy of appeal to tradition, taboos

hearing voices, indigenous or non indigenous

you have this integrity, hear it in your voice

testimonials will be where it all shakes out

positive life transforming experiences, speak highly of you, that’s what matters at the end of the day

to bring to question

I’m sure you’ve had some push back along the way, wondering if you could talk about strategies

to keep bringing it, integration of different modalities

JB:

to be expected, only came out of psychedelic closet about 4 years ago

social media, caught kick back from yoga community first

came to realized, system of yoga, far more riddle with dogma that I ever thought possible

push back, you don’t need foreign substance to show you enlightenment

all in you

yes true, but always bring up fact that this substance already exists within us, endogenously

believe responsible for mystical experience

in dark, after day 5 or 6, pineal gland will secrete Pinoline, in turn that will secrete down

lungs are main factory of dmt

no science to show from pineal gland

simply means to bring vision

vehicle of mystical experience

ego loves to advance itself in spiritual practice

it will make its way up just with awareness

attaching to progress, lineage, paradigm

take something outside of that paradigm, receive it as attack on world view, views on life, start to lock up there

all paths lead to source

spiritual practices are like thorns used to remove other thorns

they’re all systems and we have to accept that any spiritual practice is by definition a system of the ego

individual

pure source can’t come through as undifferentiated word

filtered through subconscious and minds of humans

analogy bling monks feeling elephant

all feeling small part of big mystery

when start thing that ways not right to do it, that’s when things get questionable

holding on too much

challenge people who say psychedelics are a short cut

may be lessor in time, but not a short cut

are we gonna limit to fabricated experience of time

where our awareness goes there is no time

experience by time shorter, a lot of experience in one

responsible use/proper integration

extremely powerful tool for self inquiry

used for millenia in every different culture

we like to identify with image of enlightened one, pure one, noble one, the yogi that does not need to seek happiness, unswayed, impervious to emotion yogi

I feel this archetypes no longer serves its purpose, drive for rishis mystics and sages, to get consciousness to where its at

hardcore discipline

eventually spiritual practice becomes our own prison, our own maya, just as quick as a shopping mall can

our practice can take us to the top of the mountain, but if you want to

jump into cave, real wholeness, pure mystery, let go of everything, including your beliefs, including spiritual practice

great saying, if on your path to enlightenment you encounter the buddha, kill him, cut him in two

any systems, any time we create systems around spiritual practice, we are both helping and inhibiting ourselves, a bit of a paradox

these systems are needed are for the ego, not bad not a wrong thing to work with and use the ego

whole movement, kill your ego, crush the ego, ego’s not amigo

have to have ego to have human experience

ego is necessary

ego wants to hold on to its identifying with spiritual practice

not bad to play with the ego, have systems for the ego

not like we can jump straight from here to enlightenment, we’ve gotta get there

ego’s gonna fight us every step of the

way if we don’t give it some sort of system

mantra is essentially a way to keep the mind focused on one thing while our awareness can simply merge into the everythingness

have to let go of even that

real myster, true mystery, source itself, beyond our understanding

beyond words, language, can’t be encompassed or understand within any practice

that’s really why I resonate with vedanta, spiritual practice but without walls…but they all have their own walls at the end of the day

TP: wisdom, best peaceful arsenal of tactical concepts, approaches to these issues

people held back by rigidity of dogma, could be from any of these traditions/modalities

amazing neurolinguistic ninjitsu tactics

can’t think of too many instances heard accounts of yogis, spiritual masters, very anti entheogen, can’t think of many accounts of people who were experienced with it, its usually people who are not experienced who want to say I’ve already been there, I’ve already been there, wink nudge, I’ve heard that one before

interesting where that bias comes from

counselor for someone exploring entheogens, irrelevant to their life if you can’t talk about the same landscape, can’t just assume that you’ve been there

straussman came out

had more time ahead in career, after a certain point, the longer you live, that’s less you have to lose

quite a grace

get to a certain age stop trying to impress people

different life stages

different thought forms around relaxing and finding your path

sample different things, duty of care, safety, being held

opportunities to find your path

not first person I’ve heard say, they felt intuitively called to explore serving aya

it’s not most scalable medicine

applaud you, you’re called to serve dmt,

shamans of global village

rak is dear friend

takes em on a ride

I think I found the one, you’re one who’s gonna devirginize my 5me0 virginity

bufo toad tattoo, bucket list

you got a new client

JB: we call them participants

5me0, in sync with the evolution of consciousness

been around, remember, it was legal until 2011, ordered off internet back in 2000

church of toad of light, 80s

being used, wasn’t catching like it is all the sudden

dr jerry, dr octavia, toad blew up

it is, reminder for us

if we look at whats alive in the meme of society right now with consciousness

big questions being asked

AI, singularity, roots of consciousness, where we’re going in evolution of consciousness

no dual experience

other entheogens can

this is a real non dual full immersion into the infinite

complete cessation of self

into wonder of existence

loosen grip on control of it

to allow us to begin to see what we really are

showing, the toad is reminder that we are the medicine

work with the pure molecule, synthetic, less harmful to toad population

not presence of addition 11 alkoloids,

7 of which cardio toxins, know to harm elderly

drama in sonoran dessert

toad is reminder that we are the medicine, don’t feel we need to continue pillaging toad population, toad goes underground for 9 months out of the year, the only toad that produces 5me0dmt in its secretion, believed because it does go into the dark for 9 months

shows us if we go into the dark we can start producing this medicine ourselves which we do

medicine is reminder we are the medicine

making lasting change

having an experience, using responsibly working into daily life

TP: what’s process of getting to the pure molecule, fascinating, all about protecting threatened and endangered species when they become fad psychedelic experiences

JB: made in lab

people say oh that’s not natural, that’s fake enlightenment

over attaching to specific idea

shulgin, I’m I not a manifestation of god, am I not a fraction of the infinite, I’m making these with beautiful intention, am I not nature creating, so I really agree with that

all about where it’s coming from

we know where it’s coming from, it’s made with love, tedious process to make

becoming more widely available

disappeared for a long time

TP: more on naturalistic camp in general, but if it can protect wildlife, probably the way to go

I’ve had beautiful experiences

permaculture, every plant is native, it’s native to planet earth, a lot of bias

fascinating, sounds like you can feel better about

with a bit of time left, kind of journey personally, kind of going with flow of initiations, initiatrixes, initiators,

transcend trauma, be in recovery, I don’t have a very othodox path, with yoga

felt natural for me to gravitate towards unorthodox tantric

open minded, open ended

now I’m kind feel like I didn’t do the

like go to college take fun electives first, gonna have to catch up on more orthodox yogic practices

getting older, landscaping, taking its toll

at a point where it’s important to have asanas, daily practices, haven’t disciplined myself to do

going for sexier stuff

how you frame, language around sexual yoga, tantra, different currents of thought

JB:

funny you said with asana, something, more than a few months, kinda stop practicing more than a year ago,

body kept telling me, stop doing this

cut it down

kept getting injured, mind keeps making it goal oriented practice, opposite of what yoga should be

cut it to very classic simple, basic poses, hold for long time, deep breathing

disagreeing with body, tried adapting in every way

trying to identify with being a yogi so much that I felt I had to hold on to asana, if I wasn’t practicing then I wasn’t a yogi

very odd part of unfolding

comfortable with in last few months

take care of body, exercise, trying to get exercise from asana

no longer resonating with me

not serving me

might again at some point, my real philosophy, keep your practice fluid, don’t hold on to something too much, fine balance to be found between discipline and holding on to a practice that’s not serving you

discernment

sexual practices

experience with classical tantric lineages

studying there, sexual part of tantra, shut that out, my sexuality was an issue with me my whole life

early bloomer, experiencing desires at young age, most people at that age don’t experience, tormented by them

when I became age to be practicing, there wasn’t a whole lot of control,

committed relationships, step outside of relationships in sneaky ways, cause pain cause hurt suffering, I’d feel guilty and wrapped into so much shame

with yoga practice eventually drank kool aid, yogi should suppress all sexual desire turn it into creative energy, draw upwards the spine, yogi doesn’t need sex just a distraction

I really ate that up, put sexuality and urges, completely rejected them almost

so many practices to draw that something up for something different, that wasn’t sexual instead of just understanding its something that’s very alive in me

opening up far more recently

shedding off shame

how much shame around sexuality did I have

trying to hold myself to that monk image, when it just wasn’t me

sexuality and intimacy is a spiritual practice itself

observing oneself in the midst of those, some of the deepest works I’ve ever done in life

investigating that, how it’s making me feel, wonderful

lineages

haven’t been working with

interesting, I am feeling drawn to investigate classical tantric practices again

growing aversion to structures out of fear of dogmatic tendencies

now its just having to find that balance remembering the structures are there for a reason

not over identify with practice, don’t take in everything hearing, swallow it whole

TP: meta narrative neo tantrikas, path to total liberation, embodying all the chakras, kundalini shakti, towards total freedom, have to build to the fire to have the fire burn, it is those practices, you can want there to be nice big celebratory bonfire, but it doesn’t come out of nowhere, this dance you’re talking about

can drive self crazy as man, with the whole when to ejaculate

sometimes the most liberating thing is to not fuckin care

JB: online people post/comment, only way is semen retention anything else is just being dead

jc it must suck to be you

we get in our heads so much get militant about spiritual practice, only path for everyone

what’s working for me right now at this moment must be the only thing that can work for everybody

because somewhere in their head they are bitter that other people are having orgasms and they’re not

animosity, oh you’re just wasting your energy

of course wonderful peak orgasms can be come to without ejaculated

something to be said for that release as well

I don’t think we always need to hold everything in, I don’t think we need to torture ourselves, like these yogic teaching and disciplines taught us for so long, no longer feel it’s necessary

relax in certain areas, does not mean cease to use critical thinking, tools

wounded healer archetype no longer serves its purpose, we no longer need to beat ourselves down to rise our selves us, no longer need to take from ourselves and exhaust ourselves to serve others,

beginning to slowly remember and realize we draw from an infinite well

TP: invite you back sooner rather than later, zoom into more of these topics, really well spoken, a lot of stuff we could commiserate about

if I could put in a bit of commentary to close my thoughts

the opportunities that we have to experience all kinds of different extremes

if your’e adventurer, seeker, psychonaut, yogi, tantrika, why not explore extremities of different practices

cave divers, have a line to follow back to a point

not get lost in someone elses trip

hold on to that

powerful aspect of mind hacks

if you’re a trip reminder yourself you’re on a substance and it will wear off

be flexible to embrace different aspects

sounds really healthy

applaud efforts to dance with different modalities

appropriate experience for folks

final thoughts direct people offerings

JB: in closing I would say, line to hold on to, engaging in exploring into the unknown, line we hold on to is the stillness at the center, learning to cultivate awareness of that stillness ability to navigate through spaces

get back to eye of storm

cultivate, always there to drawn on as we engage in wild wild adventures

email joel (at) itsallsource (dot) com

itsallsource.com

retreats on website

kaivalya kollectiv, beginning of a mystery school based around everything we’ve just been talking about

hope to see you all soon

Sexorcism the Tantric Opera Episode 16 “The Lost Art of Lingam Massage”

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This video depicts a tantric lingam massage featuring Maya Rati and the track Holistic Debauchery

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Sexorcism the Tantric Opera Episode 15 “Om Namah Shivaya”

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This video depicts a tantric breast massage in a salt water bath featuring Maya Rati and the track Om Namah Shivaya, lyrics are below:

Stream the Track on Spotify

From my Shiva
To your Shakti
I will support you
When you need me

From my Shiva
To your Shakti
I take your pain away
With divine healing

Om Namah Shivaya
Om Namah Shivaya
Om Namah Shivaya
Om Namah Shivaya

Close your eyes
Where ever you are
Take a deep breath,
Feel my hands on your heart
I hold you close
From behind
Warmth from my breath
Sends shivers down your spine

I turn you around
Look into your eyes
Kundalini awakens
Your smile grows wide
In the moments
When you feel alone
Remember our dance
Is your eternal home

Ben Tantra Punk in the Garden in front of the Pond

Escaping the Matrix and Living the Dream of Wild Romance TPP244

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In this episode I share an important announcement that I’ve fallen in love with a land project and will be living the dream of romance with the wilderness

My Non-Verbatim Show Notes:

working on a land project

from now on daily reports, maybe stack them up if their short

my state of nature to be in the hills, the forest, the trees

most actualized life chapters, where I’ve been blessed to serve gaia and some sort of wealthier than me matriarch of a peace of property

there’s often been a romance novel cover mystique going on

i’ve been an ecological gigolo to some extent, luckily not the situation now

hasn’t always worked out the best

now clearing up karma, and maturing, and growing up stuff, more aware of red flags

in twilight of 30s feeling, this is the next best chapter

peaks and valleys of life

peaks when out there, feeling free, devotion to nature spirits, deep listening to the will of the ancestors of the land

i’m a paint brush for the land, soil repair, soil building, interdimensional source of healing, being a bandage on the land

in harmony with the human needs, the land needs, the soil needs,

social permaculture design, dabbling feng shui,

i really feel the energy flows when there is order brought to the disorder

the disorder of junk and clutter and generations agricultural paradigm shifting, so many different hazards, and decaying and rotting materials, really becomes a meditation to keep the surface of your skin intact, when you’re harvesting scavenged materials, when you’re gathering and macguevering, and a-teaming up a design

beautiful multidimensional, fully immersive art project, those are the peaks

the valleys are the times when i have to do the daily grind in the city, which i have been doing, almost full time, mostly urban permaculture installation work with various crews, in that sense morale is always dragging, its great to have solidarity, working for clients, seeing the transformation, flipping lawns to gardens

nudging the paradigm slowly, being the flagship project in suburban neighborhoods, it’s fulfilling and rewarding, more than most jobs

been blessed to work with super flexible and gracious teams,

understanding of LA traffic and respect for need for autonomy

crews have been so grateful for my help, and flexible with my schedule

installing drought tolerant native plants, sculpting land for rainwater catchment, all different techniques applied to make a site more sustainable, but at the end of the day, we’re still installing pvc, still using toxic glue that kills your brain, there’s this juxtaposition of the conventional paradigm, and the ancient futuristic permaculture paradigm, i strongly dislike to be such a purist radical, but i want to be doing this work and this play and this art in a more taoistic sense, not treading so hard on the earth, not just blazing in, what’s expected as contractors,

the hustle, the life of the contractor, cheep beer, nightly ejaculation, coffee every day, junk food

i want to be the barefoot gardener, who listens to the plant, doesn’t use any toxic material, re-use materials on site, an artisan approach

it’s a huge luxury because few people want to pay for workers to work slow

being a worker, whether your boss is an angel or demon, i’ve been very blessed

but it kills my soul not to be working for myself

at the end of every day you’re back to square one, making very little progress on your own property or your own garden

it’s draining and demoralizing

i’ve been very frugal, so that i can save and hodl crypto and to the hodl plus strategy from the bitcoin podcast, you’re not spending frivolously on anything, cutting expenses to the bone so you don’t have to sell off, do good by your future self, let your days be gifts to your future self, dollar cost averaging, stacking sats, always adding to your stash of whatever fraction of bitcoin you squirrel away for the future

assuming the overall uptrend is going to continue

on and off about 15 years I go from working for other people on their sites on their projects, just doing a daily grind to having way more spacious freedom to put all of my effort into a single site which feeds me, which shelters me if possible, which serves the intent and mission of the owner of the property, where you feel like a samurai gardener, I’m a landless peasant in the grand scheme of things, but when I can break free of daily grind of traffice, and commuting, but be steeped in an ecosystem where one day builds on the next

you develop this map of all the materials, where the plants are where the water flows, what the neighbors are like, what local sources of seeds and compost, and it becomes a grand theater

as adventurous as any video game ever was, the holistic fulfillment of it, moments where things really snap together is way beyond a video game, it’s not virtual reality its reality

you get to have heart opening, experience

every time you bump into a new plant or critter you hadn’t noticed and you get to study their beauty and no one tells you your slacking off cuz your vibing with a creature

tarot card reading, spoiled to take a step away from steady pay check, leap of faith, but knowing it’s the right thing for my soul to be focusing doing what I know best

this time under far better sexual political dynamics

its been a huge problem in the past

what do you call the drummer who breaks up with his girl friend, homeless

build karma, not destroy it

a lot to appreciate, significance of transition

it’s the bug out location, I’ve been living in bug out mode

prepper’s have a language of bug out bags, bugging in, bugging out

dug in for another round of zombie apocalypse training camp survival paradise, lots of fun

forest garden of eden music video as archival footage/portfolio/demo reel of my permaculture projects

shows the timeline of my evolution, urban, suburban, rural projects

feel like it’s the crown chakra of a career, feeling like I won the game, of course it’s just another level and the game continues, but you finish a level and you’re on to a new one, really in resonance with life energy

not as much of a horny whipper snapper

dakini said you go from testosterone arousal to oxytocin arousal cycle

I’d rather just do me tonight, I don’t feel pressure to go out and get laid somewhere, never successful at hooking up, never had a one-night stand

all that is to say, I’m still not interested in settling down with a woman, but settling down with the land, without feeling like a loser if not getting laid every night

many years of involuntary celibacy, I had no game
some blame I could point at those who traumatized me, but have to point at myself for not manning up sooner

dakini says you’re shifting your sex drive towards oxytocin

20 years of holding up a “Free Boners” sign, eventually had to take it down because it’s all gone, if you didn’t jump on it, it’s gone

a woman’s got to put in effort to turn me, because it’s not like it’s my first rodeo and I’m going to have a panic attack, because “it’s actually happening”

thinking about coming of age, a woman’s body is an enigma during puberty, a woman’s body is like a ufo, it’s that alien

then it’s a balance after you’ve been deflowered, do you get spoiled, do you take it for granted, do you lose that awe, and honor and respect?

Twins movie, cynical line about how virgins respect women, then lose it once they become players

hitting the nerve of the tragic sense, in the words of Garth Algar, I’m no longer a stranger to the ways of the woman or something to take effect, how long do you retain that sense of awe and wonder

I feel like it’s been painful, but a healthy balance to go through this life mostly celibate

I told myself the other day, no matter what women did, how long it lasted, how it ended, at least you know that you told the women you love that you love them, that’s all you can do

there’s always a list of people you’re chasing, and people who’re chasing you, people you’re running from and running to

Kenneth Ray Stubs on the podcast said to the effect of, when I was younger I was too horny to meditate, it took until I was older to be able to do the advanced spiritual practices

Growing up I didn’t catch the jokes about men’s waning virility, now they sting when I watch movies where those jokes were made

the first lost erection feeling like a transmission drops, WTF!

Was making love, pretty stoned, it could have been that, but at the age of 35, what’s wrong with me, I’m not feeling completely mind blown, lost the youthful sense of 100% immersion in electrifying stimulation, maybe we lost the spark, but it was unexpected because my lingam had never been uncooperative before, never been asexual but had to imagine that’s the feeling of dissociation from the actualized

then there’s the coolidge effect, men become sugar daddies to younger women, older women become cougars to younger men

I didn’t intend for this podcast to go this direction but it’s on point because, you can’t leave the city if you’re still chasing women, because you can’t see beyond the weekend

the need to get off, the compulsion to ejaculate, the compulsion to not be alone, to not be single, the horrific discontent to not be in a relationship

dating apps hamster wheel, slot machine crank of dating apps, mining old friends to see if their single yet, all consuming, ego self esteem, hormones

luckily I never was too spoiled, definitely still women who make the “shwing effect” happen like clock work, so it’s not game over, but it’s an interesting limbo state of I’m still extremely passionate I still feel a lot of eros, but it’s less hormonal and it’s more of an oxytocin mode, so the way women want to feel emotional attention that’s what turns me on, often that’s the gripe and why tantric men are in demand because the should be able to speak to the heart

in early days, of man I’ve got blueballs, or I’m going to prematurely ejaculate, a man is trying to calm himself down and meet the shakti, shakti can be raging like a stormy sea, but you gotta be the storm that creates the waves of shakti, bring the energy in

now I feel more like a woman
not interested in having drunk unsafe hook up sex, jealous that I missed out, but not interested any more

turned down a lot of sex in the last few years, we need to spend time designing a designer way to share energy and practice sex magic

not all women have the patience for developing a deep practice

now with a bit of financial security, ability to grow and compound financial permaculture and financial continence

deeper practice in resonance with the tao

in order to garden safely, or safer, not getting scratched, so many hazards, staff infection, getting sliced up, bundling raw garlic into gauze, blazing through, same energy approaching women

it’s a beautiful sweet spot to have some savings, make a property profitable and pay for itself, do sweat equity, multiple value and revenue streams, things start as a trickle, like a spring, a tiny drip, you can do a bit of earth works and store more water

financial healing, establishment of wealth and a slower more mature, more mid lifey kind of energy and approach

I think this is gonna be a good decade, a new way of inhabiting the body, more taoist and slower paced way of working on a land project

do the best permaculture, some people say don’t do anything on the land until a year of pure observation, just meditate and watch patterns

they say 99 hours of design and 1 hour work, verse 1 hour of design and 99 hours of work

the yield you get from more observation, you have a deeper more expansive diverse way to get the most elegant solution

kick down fertility system, one animal’s output because input for another

never before have I had such grace walking a piece of land where I can just move very slowly
in emergencies and disasters you do have to hustle, but if you don’t rush and you don’t run, and you’re not hustling daily, you really have a million times less chance of injury, and breaking things, tripping, hurting someone else, spilling something, over pouring something, every clumsy cartoon thing, it always comes from that financial knife at your back,just digging into you, I need to hustle to finish this job because it’s by the job and not hourly, or I need to be busy because everyone else is busy

its not healthy, it’s not sane, it’s super dangerous

chronic backpain, usually manageable, use some yogic practice

this will be the year of me developing an “on the mat” asana practice, up to now I’d rather being doing combative dancing

haven’t felt called after many exposures to different teachers of “yoga”, but I probably will be doing it more, probably realizing I have been missing out, time to get on the mat to get the benefits of that practice, looking forward to that, all comes back to feeling less rushed, less of a hustle

entrepreneur pushes boulder uphill, the wage earner is running on a hamster wheel

you push the boulder uphill moonlighting, and it slides back down while you’re on the day job hamster wheel, not many get the boulder cruising down the other side of the slope

most people lose their ass for 5 years before they turn a profit, you should be prepared

a lot of gratitude I have for this opportunity, hopefully not having to rush and hustle and speed around and be dangerous, I think I can swing it so there’s a nice balance of going back to work in the city and top off supplies and accounts until I get to a point where there’s a functioning business model producing revenue

glad to document via the podcast, not going to start out with video teaching, not trying to keep up with the Jones’ on social media

after a humble paleo meal of canned and jarred food at the low end of the health food market, no grain, no dairy, no added sugar, I can do a podcast update

hope not to offend vegans, vegetarians, it didn’t work for me, I still have hell to pay, I feel better, body works better, long standing conditions that are not pleasant that most people have, allergies, weak immune system I feel like I’ve strengthened, I feel better now than I did in my 20s

become a bit of a home brewer, its not a vice but it’s a moderate pleasure that I indulge in, holistic debauchery

luckly weened off cheap beer, never really like being drunk, really didn’t like being hung over

falling in love with home brew fermentation, participating with a biological process, gardening the process, it’s a beautiful thing, it’s a blessing, helps to get through some of the lonelier nights, and helps me be intoxicated with the love of the goddess

incel in the flesh, but blessed in the astral realms with dakinis, the romance of the goddess

nice to have some party favors and ritual elements that help to open the 3rd eye and the heart, losing the inhibitions towards the divine feminine sex goddesses, enjoying a more private more solo practice, not feeling the sharp pain of missing the party on friday night, missing the opportunity to socialize and make an appearance, collecting phone numbers

I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it, for me and most men, you’re gonna feel pressure, I dont’ know about next generation, porn and video games causing apathy towards sex, but anyway no way for me to talk about gardening with out talking about sex goddesses, and porno, etc.

intention to refine the masculine energy to put it to work on something constructive

I often think of the feeling, of being on my knees, putting care planting a nursery potted plant, I’m creating its home in the soil, doing this yoni puja this breast massage, that’s the Mr Miyagi, wax on wax off, that’s the permaculture tantra, what I would be teaching my teenage son if I had one. I have a duty of care for people coming of age who discover my work.

I gotta think responsibly about the Deenagers

Gardening as a pathway of restorative justice for sex offenders, a way to train sacred sexuality

Better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war

a lot of sex education to be gleaned form a permaculture training experience

the 9th form of capital, sexual permaculture thesis, designing for the energy sector of sexuality in a way that is post-monogamy, post-theological control, post-shame, post-guilt, post-patriarchy, getting to more of a sex at dawn paradigm

always made a joke of about a nude permaculture design course

doesn’t have to be a silly joke, there’s nude yoga

there is a place where this hippy, free love, LSD 60s sexual revolution, now there’s more deeper connection to shamanism, tantra, and permaculture

more intelligence with ecology

people are opening up with relationships, more influenced by tantric practices, despite distractions of social media, video games, and porn, there’s quite a refinement of the seed forms of the 60s

on that trajectory of what was started with my parents, they weren’t the wildest party animals but they were on point with back-to-land projects/training centers

things are evolving

it makes me think about 2012, I was a 2012-er, hard not to be after all the Terrence McKenna, that was a huge pressurized urgent, move fast and break things, that can be very dangerous in a horticultural landscape, we got through it,

I tried to accomplish a lot, I developed the ability to lead by example, I don’t feel the need to tell other people how to live

I think I can be content with this oxytocin based sex drive, with really delicate and deliberate romantic cadence

integrating gardening, heart gardening

I’ve tried to involve lovers in the process, some have been on board, others not

Always tried to seduce women into the garden space, to have them fall in love with the plants and the soil and become as clinging and needed to the land as much as my heart or cock

May only the greenest and purest of hearts and souls and minds be a part of my dark green magic from here on out

I have the blessing to play my cards right and put in my best efforts

Try to live by the 4 agreements, hopefully the problems to have will get better and better and the solutions will as well

learning to study patterns, ala the Permaculture Designer’s Manual

spend a night on youtube watching permaculture videos

Bill Mollison and David Holmgren, developed the design science, it’s like a bundled package of ecology and anthrology, engineering, earth sciences, economics, an amazing array of interdisciplinary approach to sustainable human settlement design, zero waste, there’s a lot to unpack

the simple way I can put it, whereas Ted K. went into the words and became coercive, Bill M decided to apply the wisdom of the forest and fight back with positivism, designer ecologies that function as elegant and efficient as a forest

it’s movement, sometimes think it’s elitist, its not religious, it’s not ideological, it’s scientific

if you’re gonna be an architect you’re going to have to learn all kinds of different roles and laws of how things work

we’re building civilizations with toxic materials, slaves, requires wars, and all kind of hell, we could be building our settlements according to design principles of nature

making sure there’s zero waste

you could live in a designer forest where everything that you placed in that designer forest is useful or beneficial, food, fiber, fodder

hydrates, seeds, extends itself

use the template of the wild forest, in that template you plug in edibles, medicinals, benefit that plants, animals, the soil, agro forestry is another term

not square gardens of patches and rows, not fields, not orchards, not monocrop

that’s the least efficient, most lethal and toxic

Just like Bruce Lee, Jeet Kune Do, bringing stuff together

There’s no other game in town, it’s an open source technology, not controlled by a central entity, it’s a decentralized movement by design

saw a beautiful luscious wild RABBIT, seemed quite healthy, I got a sense from seeing it that it was very happy and healthy

cackling of COYOTES in all directions

SQUIRRELS scurrying about

a shiny LADY BUG, unmistakable red dot, always a reminder to my analogy about the goddess Kali as a beneficial predator that helps you control the garden pests, as above so below, as within so without

found a big sprawling cuban oregan plant, respect to the Sunset Nursery for supplying my first plant, my favorite local nursery

CUBAN OREGANO like a succulent, big juicy flaps, meaty, has texture

lone BLACK SOLDER FLY larvae, made a new compost bin for it, affinity as the smokey ash black reminds me of my encounters of the dark goddess

ROSEMARY BUSH

Bromance with lead designer/land keeper, holism, spirituality, martial arts, being fuck yeah stoked about everything you’re vibing on, whether biking or skating or punk shows or girls, the excitement and enthusiasm for working together in a really harmonious way, playing fort, having that be doing this really fun stuff and trying to be productive and profitable, and create value, community, and education

Don’t like the word retreat, would rather be making an advance, what if Burning Man and the Rainbow Gathering happened at Occupy Wall street?…

The word retreat is not my favorite word for spiritual gatherings or workshop gatherings, for lack of a better word, we’re both on that path of building a robust spiritual holistic, regenerative tool set, guinea pigging things on our selves, battle test our immune systems, our diets, not just lead by example but all take on clients

my dual life as a sort of renaissance sex worker of sorts, don’t know what to call myself now, sort of artisan, somewhere between a professional and hobbyist in that realm

this is a place where my dear brothers could circle up for some deep men’s work

don’t want to be a cult leader, taking extreme precaution from becoming a cult of personality

precluding that possibility is a part of design

excess manure is lethal poison if not designed to integrate in a dispersed manner to feed the soil

music icons vs cult leaders

ethics and responsibility of meme producers

its all about rotation, it’s all about decentralization, the term is an ensemble cast that’s the solution to patriarchy, to dictatorship, share the love share the power, share the influence, know when to delegate, know when to lift other people up above you, I’m gonna try my best, by all means accept feedback, look at shadow

I left the same work crew in 2014 to go to the northwest to live out the dream of romance with a piece of property

When I left Babylon then, my dear eco-bro said, “Do Good”, so I’m gonna try to do good again this time

Permaculture or tantra, like ida and pingala, they’re complimentary