Tag Archives: nature

5 Tips for Staying Positive During the Covid-19 Pandemic Vanessa Soulxo TPP265

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In this episode I’ve syndicated 5 tips to stay positive during the covid-19 pandemic by Vanessa Soulxo

About Vanessa:

Vanessa LeMaistre is a Spiritual & Soul Empowerment Activist. Her platform provides a self-improvement/positive lifestyle brand to customers who are looking to feel whole within themselves. Vanessa has overcome a lot and believes if she could, so can you. Vanessa is very inspirational and she aspires to inspire. She provides inspirational youtube videos on her youtube channel: www.youtube.com/uareart and on her social media platforms she promotes exerts and positive affirmations from her upcoming book. You can find her on social media platforms such as Ig, snapchat, Twitter under the name: vanessasoulxo which is also the name of her website domain. Her Facebook is her first and last name: Vanessa LeMaistre

Please visit her website at:
vanessasoulxo.com/

My Non Verbatim Notes:

Corona virus 5 tips to stay positive

gone through tons of profound trauma, going through a traumatic time can be good

personal experience, trauma helped me prepared for times like this

get suited and booted, bring the guns out cuz we already know what that’s like

going through trauma strengthens you

when you’ve had trauma, you know here we go again, its time for me to bring my guns out and fight with life

don’t let it bring you down

personal experience, all traumas, time of transformation, completely transformed me on every level, cellular, physically, energetically

trauma is transformation

not a time to fall into hysteria

a lot of people, hysteria spreading like wild fire, people freaking out

I understand being cautious and take care of your self to not get sick, and not infect other people

take a step back, question mental health, not to judge, is it really necessary to be hysterical

falling into the trap of hysteria is a way of operating on a lower frequency, done with lack of awareness, lack of higher consciousness

operating from higher consciousness, hysteria/trauma around you, you’re able to see with keen awareness, it could always be worse

we’ve made it as an evolution this far, why not take notes on how people have survived

first time in 5 tips for how to stay positive, trust

we’ve made it this far, to freak out to the point where you think the whole world is going to end is irrational

trust in mother earth

beginning of time, life continues to go on, the universe is very sustainable

universe knows exactly what its doing

corona virus is a time for people to heal

great time for universe to heal, all of our systems to heal, coming out of a capitalistic mindset that’s no longer serving the collective, the global consciousness

opportune time to rest and recharge

time to go within

time for systems to be rebuilt

even in nature, there is a phase of hibernation, or rest, before the seed sprouts, time to reset, a system cannot be recalibrated without taking that time for pause and recluse, time to recharge

many systems that are failing, I honestly believe all the systems are failing, judicial, church, corporations, just not getting it right, hierarchical platform no longer serving themselves, each other, the earth

all systems currently failing, time to reset and recharge

connect with yourself

use this as a time to really connect with manifestation, what do you want to see the new world like

the earth is suffering, universe is exhausted, can’t keep operating the same way

what am I gonna do to change things moving forward

make changes within your being that will offset, recalibrate where you were before

shock to planet, to humanity, to be called to go within

evolve

constantly doing the same bs, gossiping about people, watching tv, feeding ourselves with all this bs, lowering frequency

universe shifting on higher frequency

I struggle with how can I connect with myself more, how can I choose to love myself more, what can I give myself today usually things that aren’t comfortable

so easy to go shopping, go out to eat

I think it’s a blessing

connect to your feet, ground yourself, connected to areas within yourself that do need healing

happening so we can heal as individuals, universe can heal as a whole

change

make the choice to change, don’t continue doing the same things you were doing before

learn the lessons, if you don’t learn them they keep showing up

earth speeding up faster and faster, if we don’t choose to evolve, things like this will happen naturally, it’s just not in alignment

choose to change

change is never comfortable, definitely takes action, what better time to change,

universe is supporting you by shattering everything that you’re used to

things will change

looking at all the change that’s happening

bringing your guns out

trusting this is okay

choose to be a better person

taking the reclusive time within yourself

not constantly looking out to feel fulfilled

change for the better

use this as an opportune time for self care

baths, journaling, meditating, walk in nature, the sun, hug a tree, feed your soul

through self care, you’ll evolve

manifest, operating on higher frequency

make shift in positive direction

through self care, living in capitalistic society, go go go, staple for a level of success, achievement that is false

earth/plants not doing that

through self care, it becomes easier to see what it is that you need to raise yourself to a higher frequency, through self care, a really big one is taking the time to set positive intentions for yourself

times get hard you do have to push harder

set positive affirmations, life will go my way, my dreams will come true, I will make it through this

I will be a good person in my community

through self care, we’ll better know how to take care of others when this does pass

this too will pass

it’s not permanent, drop the victimization

stop feeling really week, choose to feel strong

universe would never give you anything that you cannot handle

just got back from Haiti

met a really amazing guy, had this positive energy, stating that in Haiti, not one person with the corona virus, living with virus, suffering, here there’s life

so optimistic, so positive

I felt optimistic by taking on his perspective, there can be life found in the midst of all of this mess

life is within you

don’t feed into all the bs don’t just sit there and watch all the funny memes of corona virus all day long, you’re not using the time to grow

what will you stand for when things go back

things will be changed they will be transformed

 

Discussing Religion, Permaculture, and Pandemics with Mike Kokal TPP260

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In this episode I’m joined by Mike Kokal of the End of the Road podcast for a free style discussion about the intersections of religion, permaculture, and pandemics

About Mike:

Mike Kokal is the host of the End of the Road Podcast which showcases an eclectic mix of guests working with ordinary and non-ordinary states of consciousness in the finite playground we all find ourselves in: “The Horizons we strive to touch but are already there.”

Mike is also practices civil litigation and is a patent attorney. His professional bio can be found at: https://secure.heylroyster.com/attorneys/details.cfm?attorneyID=90

The End of the Road Podcast, which is nearing 100 episodes, can be found here are wherever you listen to podcasts: https://endoftheroad.libsyn.com/

My Non Verbatim Show Notes

Current events strategy, don’t have a tv, don’t know if that makes me a luddite

don’t like to watch news, 24 hour news cycle on tv

I like bbc service, somewhere between bbc and economist seems to be much more objective than nbc, fox

haven’t compared statistics to prior outbreaks, spanish influenza, killed a lot more people than recent outbreaks

haven’t really studied it, the new social media interfacing with that, changing the narrative or not

happened before historically, originally had state laws for mandatory vaccinations, resistances to that, if we’re talking about martial law, court cases developed since then, in the wake of that

not something I’ve studied in any detail, precedent of state being able to dictate that you must receive this or that

united states in a lot of ways is the bread basket for the world, immediate needs we’re fortunate here, more or less self sufficient with oil

we have enough food, less fortunate countries dependent on outside aid, most drastic effect on economy

grew up in wyoming, canned goods, bottled water, everything came in was fresh

I guess I have not being participated in disaster preparedness

I started going to a church, come across the minister, civic groups, 99% african american church, minister, very thoughtful definitely get good vibes from him, last sermon on book of revelations of the bible, psychedelic adventure going through hell, fragmented snakes and demons, believes we’re approaching the end times

put on the clock of god, shed the trappings of evil, you could interpret that as to how our society is so removed from any of the basic hardships that most people throughout history have suffered

huge homeless problems, but what would happen if there really were systemic disruptions of service, how would be react, bring people together, honor and helping each other

I think just about every age they’ve always thought they were going through the end times

if the gates of hell our unleashed, revelation, sun melts thing, global warming, could be something to that

what does it mean to get yourself right with god, seeing life in more spiritual terms, brush with organized church in the past hasn’t been the best, a lot of truth in the original messages, reframe in a way that doesn’t involve rape

the trauma is all around us, some of us put up walls for one reason or another, so many people in the u.s. and the world in that predicament

it’s all around us, it is now, what do we do about it

all these people that are there are us, we’re sharing in their journey, it’s still there, what responsibility does that have, do we stock pile, prepare

maybe I’m just waiting for the answer, seems like there’s something, it’s right here, homeless problem right here

it’s been bringing people in the community together, everybody feels it

haven’t been able to fashion a long range thing, does put something in the air, spawned different community groups, whether we want to face it or not it’s there, there is suffering

affects you even if you live in a gated community

facinated by christian idea of service, the simple, the old mother teresa, franciscan way of serving people, see god in everything, go to the leper colonies, serve the poorest of the poor see that those people are god

very shamanic, recognizing, we’re all part of the same body, when you take care of the people who are the most needy,

there is a lot of overlap in the fundamental christian messages and the shamanic messages that are very powerful

humans are always looking for that new thing, speaking more to myself, grew up in catholic background, new appreciation by shamanic means, entheogens,

we think we’re discovering something new, but just going back to where we’re starting from

love, peace, service, basic messages, a lot of mainline christian groups in united states, a lot of beauty in that

I have this knee jerk reaction, the church doesn’t let women participated in the priesthood, or priest telling me what to do

messages in scriptures a lot of practices beautiful

what kind of messages really resonates with me

what I think is appealing to some of the shamanic messages, why I think they’re getting more popularity in this area

when you do a medicine ceremony, shaman isn’t telling you what to do, they’re just singing a song, the icaros

if you were a leader of a church or something, not so much be pedantic, or even thinking you have a flock, that you need to pastor to, within yourself you create this music, not so much the content, but the love and the energy, such a beautiful metaphor for future leaders

not worry about telling people things, but rather just serving people, creating the music to foster people’s positive energy

seeing the god in the other person, the god within you

shouldn’t single out priests, even somebody like us on a podcast talking about stuff

struggling with in my own life, what is my truth, what is my messages, what is my song, why am I doing this podcast

started off, interested in interviewing other people, socratic method, listening to them talk, asking them questions, within interjecting my own anything, what exactly is our role as a person

two daughters, what do I tell them about how to act, do I tell them no you shouldn’t do this, how do you convey the message in your own family

just create your own song that makes people want to join in on your song, not projecting energy outward, oh I have this truth and you need to see it to, more intangible, its an energetic thing almost

I still like to go to churches to hang out and feel the energy

if you’re in a concert, when you have a group of people sharing, all able to participate, not just one person lecturing, everybody passing around the rock, participate in the dialog, share something important to them

with social media, increased connectedness learn to capitalize on that and bring it together allow people to share their own voice, without the old model the priest was leading the flock, politician leading the flock, everybody

for me its an energetic thing, not so much based on content, there is a role that you do have to say something, not just it, when I was doing zen practice, go in for an interview with the zen priest they ask you coans or different things, always one response is silence, I always kept getting prompted to say, what is your voice, can sit there a bump on a log, its your life, participate in a meaningful way, you’re not gonna reinvent the wheel

part of my practice is to become more grounded, what better way to ground than in the ground, your shit is interconnected to everything, reconnecting you to the universe, you’re not separating from it, your shit is a fertilizers that grows the food you eat in a wonderful cycle

a lot of my practices are to intentionally reconnect myself

priests, men of god, good intentions, I just had the feeling the church as a whole was resisting reconciliation with victims, law suits, that’s the way our society deals with these transgressions

it doesn’t solve the priest trauma, that they obviously experienced to propagate more trauma on the victims if the church would admit it’s fault

that really should be the mission of the church, priests are part of the divine, victims are part of the divine, perpetrators, victims alike, not to shield themselves

just say my heart goes out to everybody in that trauma cycle

Kali Sahasranama in Sanskrit and English Read by Sufiana TPP257

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In this episode I share the recording I commissioned from Sufiana of the 1008 names of Goddess Kali, including both the Sanskrit and English

Permaculture, Futurism, Techno-Optimism, Pessimism, and Realism Part 2 TPP254

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In this episode I share part one of a commentary I did on the Ray Kurzweil documentary Transcendent Man

My Non Verbatim Show Notes:

What mollison said in the beginning of in grave danger of falling food, basically that some of us have the dream of colonizing space, I don’t think we’d be very welcome guests if we defoul our own planet

if that is the final frontier, that hasn’t been destroyed or polluted and colonized, male ego oriented curiosity

if we go out into the intergalactic ecology, seek out new life and civilizations will we have skeletons in our closet, if we can responsibly redirect the momentum of the tech, and apply them to our defouled nest, after a few generations maybe a few millennia, proving we can responsibly our apply our gifts and genius to enhance our home native garden planet

I wish someone would come down, classic alien ufo archetype, we’ve got all your solutions right here, but we’ve got some stipulations first, first repair the damage, redistribute wealth, you have a blue print called permaculture

when we come back in 1000 years, you’ve cleaned up your mess, then we’ll give you what some of you desire so feverishly, that would be supreme cosmic justice, if that carrot can be dangled from a higher technological force

maybe a civilization that had come to maturity, reconciliation of masculine and feminine energy, habitat of their own planet

shamanic accounts of encounters with extradimensional entities that have succeeded in all these ways

similar growing pains in consciousness and tech, became ethical and utopian

overcome patriarchy

it’s taken for granted, so embedded, patriarchy in the course of tech evolution in the language of mankind, even transcendent man, male dominant technological trajectory

take for granted that it’s human destiny to leave the planet, even that tendency is gender bound, if you acknowledge that the majority of mechanization, last few thousands years, male centered,

less scientific, more philosophical, terence mckenna’s novelty theory, 16 billion years evolution of known universe, first types of matter, complexifying into more complex forms, the building blocks of life, spiral of transformation, does seem to have a constant mathematical laws governing it in some way

it became epigenetic in the hands of human consciousness, considering the human neocortex to be the most complex and interconnected, dense artifact in the known world, evolution of consciousness into form

breaking the genetic biological evolution, from our imagination into our tools and machines

both mckenna and kurzweil saying it’s a natural law, acceleration is happening, dropping down from the genetic matrix into human hands

all accept that, we have been gifted with the power, and the responsibility to carry forth that accelerating curve of evolution, don’t think it was handed to the male, but the patriarchal power structure, social structures have been the dominant force that have been in place since that last few 1000 years

thought experiment, are we destined to explore outer space, if you look at eco feminist perspective

male dominant patriarchal society, some of critiques I’ve heard, why would we want to leave, this is our home, the urge to leave it would be a absurd

if you’re living in a totally nourishing edenic state of abundance, consciousness all of desires being met with immediate ecology, look out in distance, past a desert, would you really want to risk it, why would we want to go to mars, why go suffer and be there just to say that we did it, to put the flag down

different kinds of eco feminist, I’m more of an essentialist, inherent biological connection to earth from human female perspective, some arguments, males are disconnected from the life cycle, they don’t carry a child, don’t menstruate, aren’t affected by moon as much, not as intuitive, separated estranged male ego to build vast enterprises of machine technology, alien to the program of life on earth

ability for that trajectory to be directed by the estranged half of the species, leads to desire to colonize mars because we defouled our own planet

let’s say all of that acceleration of returns, I like the way kurzweil said it, not quoting, platform of tools and tech at one stage, become the means to develop the next stage, that law holds true for building blocks of life, of matter, and so on to human designed technologies, if we look at all those accelerated returns from 16 billion years ago, big bang, all of those returns up until 100k years ago when humans really started to take on that curve of accelerated returns if we just look at that last segment where humans started, the last few 1000s years, the returns that have happened are totally rooted in patriarchal agendas of controlling matter, territory, warfare all these very alienated from nature types of agendas, thought experiment what would it look like, not suggesting matriarchal, just a partnership, partnership vs dominator societies, more elegant way of confronting patriarchy, there are partnership modes and dominator modes

shamanically guided hunter gather bands, foraging societies, in most ways equal, did not have dominating power dynamics, resources, sexuality

only in the last few thousands years since dominator culture emerged,

we’d still have the same amount of change, and develop if we had the partnership way

the permaculture dream, end point on earth, super hyper advanced rate in next few years/decades, I consider that to be the more feminine possible utopian future, we direct all that will, curiosity, to making a good home for ourselves on earth, really master that, from that foundation that platform, if there is that will to go live on a desert planet for no reason, so be it, but you’ll have to do it through astral projection, but to destroy your home planet, captain of space ship earth, misogynist prick sacrifice all of nature for these totally corrupt conquests of dimension

Permaculture, Futurism, Techno-Optimism, Pessimism, and Realism Part 1 TPP253

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Transcendent Man Pic

In this episode I share part one of a commentary I did on the Ray Kurzweil documentary Transcendent Man

My Non Verbatim Show Notes:

innocense of getting into science

geniuses that could be reached, extremely high level stuff

hip to environmental technologies

nano solar technology

once you get the download of the permaculture conceptual framework it becomes a lens you can apply to all different aspects of reality

social, personal, ecological, all these different landscapes

exciting when can share that skill set, that tool kit with other people who have different backgrounds, apply to their core competency

if kurzweil, had that imprint of permaculture

imagine how his algorithmic thinking about exponentiality and the potential of hyperspeed implementation of these technologies on the horizon

if that level of awareness and direction, genetics, nanotech, and robotics, leading to singularity, I was thinking about diy, there’s potential

kurzweil’s law of accelerating returns, anything is possible at this point, when I was watching beyond sustainability on youtube with david holmgren, inevitability of peak oil, unless a sci fiction outcome happens, energy source to power current and growing demands, that would be the only way we wouldn’t have to experience involuntary simplicity

immediately I thought, that is a factor, if anybody is going to ask is that possible or what would that look like, it would be someone like kurzweil, who’s crunching the data

making logical predictions, conclusions not widely accepted, anything is possible state of mind

getting that introduction to his data and his outlook, gave me a lot of hope, a good medicine, not a full antedote, but a medicine for the people getting depressed by the grim prospects

even the people doing the great work to install permaculture landscapes, its the most invigorating medicine you can have

the odds aren’t against us if you look at kurweil’s perspective, anything really is possible, the nano-solar implementation, a big problem of course is that even if there really was a major new energy source unveiled,

it would require the re-engineering of all the infrastructure people have, always will be haves and have nots even if there’s a new wave of technology

because of the socio-economics of the way the world is structured under patriarchal industrial capitalism,

distribution is not gonna be equal, the other 90%

futuristic sci fi perspective, feel 3 different variants, 1 being mad max version, 1 be blade runner, 1 would be star trek version

in mad max, you have the failure of the singularity delivering us from all of our problems, perfecting all of our weaknesses,

techno-pessimistic perspective, we’re not gonna make it

in the star trek world, that is the scenario where, I don’t know how much they deal with what actually happened on earth, but you get the idea from the star trek legacy, they were able to solve problems with technological innovation

techno utopian future, battles with different interests throughout the universe, but earths’ evolution of technology led in a positive, utopian direction

then in the middle, I’m more in sync with, the blade runner, cyber punk techno dystopia, corporate fascist,

all owned, proprietary, owned , locked down, corporate controlled, suffer in toxic hell on earth, if you can’t afford, implants, filters, get on board escape pods, haves vs have nots

meeting in the middle of kurzweil techno optimism, I don’t think it’s totally likely that we’ll have across the board complete decimation of modern society, and return to a barbaric mode, iron age, bronze age, chiefdom societies

what mad max portrays is what did exist for 1000s of years of early civilization, settled societies, food producers, ransacked by hordes, unable to maintain national boundaries with air strikes and massive military, order of law, international commerce

total collapse, partial collapse,

digitized food, digitized clean area, nano everything, robotic everything

I was really impressed with the time lines, it came to my mind, if you could do a time lapse on human implements, watch them shrink from giant medieval, carriages, cuneiform, glyphs, the scale of computation, transportation, all kinds of different devices and machines and time lapse that so that at a certain point it gets smaller and smaller until it disappears and become invisible

tightening spiral of evolution and change, totally makes sense, the frontier of nano machines

I’m pretty convinced, if that trajectory of exponential shrinking of machines is upheld then we can expect to have this nano frontier to be working with

if the political will was there to be doing things like soil remediation and soil building and all that kinda good stuff, way more interested in that than creating nano blood cells, and expanding human life span to be immortal

my critique of kurzweil on that level is that, he would do well to study shamanism, an earth bound orientation to being an organism, shamanic traditions, its okay to die, what’s after death isn’t that scary, there’s ways to encounter the after life while you’re alive so you’re not afraid of it

I feel free grotesque aspirations about messing with human life span, the way we fight disease, understanding that there are precedents in human history, living in ways appropriate for the ecosystem, humble the male ego, that just can’t be a peace

he talked a lot about the suboptimality of the human organismic design and programming from a dna perspective, not my area of interest

I’d much rather solve the issues that affect life on earth period, not extending the human life span, not buy our way out of the natural consequences of being out of balance on a personal level, why you have disease

all for using tech to help people, but giving someone the ability to cheat the consequences of lack of exercise, poor diet, out of balance with local ecology, distribution of wealth and opportunity throughout the world

those are my ethical boundaries

if he of all people had permaculture principle, ethical framework installed

something else I really get, gram bell, permaculture way, the spiral of intervention, a few ethical procedural, methodological points to it

having to do with problems on the landscape, predators, disease, the largest part of the spiral the base of it, would be to do nothing, wait and see if problem solves itself, next stage would be mechanical intervention, biological, intervention, last of all chemical, if you’re looking at solving problems in a food production landscape, example of predators eating your life stock, you could do nothing and see if it balances out

happened upon a documentary called collapse, based on Jared Diamond’s work, how societies choose to succeed or fail, focusing on the ones that collapsed and one’s that were facing collapse but were able to turn it around

sentiment I thought of for a while, when all these high civilization’s we’re at there peak, moments away from total collapse, hyper extension throughout the landscape, everything coming down to deforestation, water supply issues, all rooted in misuse of the landscape, creating surplus not returning to the landscape, or the people, all funneled to the ruling elite, work on the collapse of societies

they would not have dared imagined that they were so close to the edge

the ruling elite acknowledges the threats but not taking it seriously enough

we have this faith in science and technology to rescue us, depending on how much you bury your head into the data

so I’m all on board with the potential, techno optimistic positive singularity potential

as some one who studies survivalism, looks at barriers to those infinite possibilities, let’s say without serious friction the rate of change will continue to increase, all those frontiers of genetics, nano tech, and robotics will flower and unfold, feel sick to even use that metaphor, but if this truly is to be the flowering of human consciousness, I feel very alienated from earth, very dangerous, extreme forms of violence, warfare, I would much rather this would not unfold, but I don’t think it’s possible, save by divine intervention, a massive plauge, we were so close, so close, if there would have just been another couple years of cheap energy and water, these institutions developing these technologies and these frontiers, we would have gotten to that point of technological salvation, or infinite possibilities in those spheres

we pushed the limits so far, its not assured, it’s not guaranteed, that trajectory is not gonna be clothes lined and immediately fall because of how far stretched

if only we’d learned from the mistakes of previous civilizations that have collapsed at the peak of their technological prowess

the fact is, the thing that’s most pressing to me is we are so abundantly aware of how previous civilizations have collapsed, total hubris towards natural limits, breaking laws of nature to build these empires, then getting smacked down immediately and losing huge chunks of information to illiteracy in the dark ages, and entropy and erosion, the decay of texts and whatnot

in life after people the history channel series, they showed how the information technology that we have built up will have the least longevity in the face of natural entropy, we can’t control the climate of our documents, can’t keep the sunlight out, the buildings start cracking, all the digital information storage, almost immediately dissolved, it was the civilizations that used stone media to tell there stories and to keep their histories, that will actually be what lasts, a big part of me thinks that, as arrogant as previous collapsed society was and to think of what was on their technological horizon at the point that they got smacked down, it was probably just as grandiose, they could have achieved their hopes and dreams if they hadn’t outstripped their resources, warfare over resources, social psychological question, more than a mechanical technological one, will the population of the earth have a paradigm shift

the paradigm shift is the wild card factor, is that paradigm shift possible, we know its possible to have power and control, but whether or not people rise up to create that paradigm shift in ethics and principles, permaculture will be the most powerful intervention to that trajectory and help really give us a chance at a positive future

Love Poetry as Practice Meditation for the Moment of Death TPP248

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In this episode I share a poem I wrote which serves as preparatory meditation for the moment of death

Notion of preparing oneself to have an intentional thought form intentional desire at the moment that you transition to another form, at the point of death

if that is an acute moment, if it is a circumstance where you have the foresight to boot up a vision a meditation and run that, there’s supposed to be, some mystics say, that’s what’s going to determine where you go, if you come back, how you come back, all of that kind of stuff

how could it do any harm to have some practice in that arena, you could put yourself into extreme circumstances and actually simulate, jump into freezing lakes, give yourself a near death experience and practice your transitional meditation, I’m not promoting or endorsing

if you’re not going through the life review, maybe you’ll get an imagine in edgewise, or get to focus on or pause or something

I’d have to dig into the topic of actual near death experiences, versus perceived, the fear of your life being taken, versus seeing the light, going through the tunnel

I don’t think I’ve had a going through the tunnel experience myself, I’ve gone through physiological states of shock, lots going on there

the west is far behind on death studies, no reason to be morbid, just doing a lottery of what’s on my spreadsheet to share, daily content, daily podcasting, short sweet, little riffs I’ve captured in notepads over the years, worth storing for myself and now sharing

as an invitation to you the listener, if you could chose the final memory that you meditate on before you transition to a state where you want to get to access these memories anymore

if you were expecting to be passing over, passing through is there a time a place a moment that was so filled with grace, so filled with beauty that you’d wan to anchor in to that feeling, that would be the quality of spirit, for the life you had, what would that be, maybe write it down

I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote this as a love poem, shared it with the personal involved, charming endearing, depicts a moment you’d like to carry with you into eternity

could interpret in emo goth way

people spend a lot of time making horror movies in imagination about death

for me, ongoing until this moment is upstaged by a different moment, if I’m fearing death, if I’m being killed, if I’m dying I’ll want to remember this moment

Tiny Bamboo Hut Love

i remember the feeling of timeless cosmic perfection that was ambient as we embraced under the moon lit gaps in the roof of my tiny bamboo hut. turning my head to see her shadowy profile, i sipped the pristine dark beauty of her smile with my eyes, and with silent excitement i studied the statuesque shape of her ear and thought to myself she could have been the buddhas mother, the ancient serenity of pure natural love made me wish to stay in this state of sensual “beditation” forever. for the first and only time i could imagine what it would be like to be an immortalized ascended being, floating in the ether, gazing into the stars, singing sacred verses and chants learned ages ago from many past embodied lifetimes in primitive and advanced cultures from distant planets. together with my beloved consort, freed from the limits of the flesh, but granted the boon of everlasting access to the quantum impression left by one of our most blessed earthly moments. the mystics say you will be seduced by demons who control the gates of the bardo with fears, doubts, and distractions at the moment of death, but if you can hold in your heart and your mind’s eye, a vision of pure loving transcendence, then they by divine law the demons, your demons, will be forced to drop their swords, kneel and bow to you as you transcend the cycle of samsara and earn your place among the gods. don’t wait to your last day on earth to build your transcendent visionary meditation, hold the vision everyday they say. and i say, my ticket to fly high into the divine realms, is the memory of that moment, beholding her with all of my kind attention and adoration, under the moon lit gaps in the roof of my tiny bamboo hut, nestled into a garden, a garden nestled into a concrete jungle, a concrete jungle nestled into a coastline, a coastline nestled into a continent, a continent nestled into an ocean, an ocean nestled into a planet, a planet nestled into a solar system, a solar system nestled into a galaxy, a galaxy nestled into a yoniverse, a yoniverse nestled into our love, our love nestled into a magic shroom trip

The Egalitarian Future of Spiritual Leadership with Vanessa Soulxo TPP245

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Vanessa Soulxo Pic 02

In this episode I’m joined again by Vanessa Soulxo for a discussion on the shift from hierarchical to egalitarian spiritual leadership

About Vanessa:

Vanessa LeMaistre is a Spiritual & Soul Empowerment Activist. Her platform provides a self-improvement/positive lifestyle brand to customers who are looking to feel whole within themselves. Vanessa has overcome a lot and believes if she could, so can you. Vanessa is very inspirational and she aspires to inspire. She provides inspirational youtube videos on her youtube channel: www.youtube.com/uareart and on her social media platforms she promotes exerts and positive affirmations from her upcoming book. You can find her on social media platforms such as Ig, snapchat, Twitter under the name: vanessasoulxo which is also the name of her website domain. Her Facebook is her first and last name: Vanessa LeMaistre

Please visit her website at:
vanessasoulxo.com/

My Non Verbatim Notes:

VS: training in Colorado, graduating in may with resilient leadership program, focus on sustainability and social justice, great program, what are we gonna do with this kind of knowledge

interesting experience, expanded so much in ways, politically, climate crisis

download this morning: earth tells us how strong it is by showing us

we can damage, be so cruel with capitalistic ways, but mother earth is resilient

shamanic training, working with plant medicines

tarot reading, spiritual and intellectual, recommended naropa, eastern/western philosophy, perfect for someone who’s a seeker, however a lot of charlatans there

some professors spiritual leaders, major issues with…middle aged white men still stuck in the patriarchy

no longer this hierarchy, all about me, bow down to me and I take all the power, future of leadership, switch from hierarchy to more egalitarian, we’re all equal

taking away guru, bow down to me paradox, scarcity mindset

I have to be willing to accept when I need people who are more powerful than me

age of aquarius, take away old paradox of capitalism and hierarchy, one person on top

abusive treatment from spiritual leaders

Naropa’s in Boulder, spiritual hub, growing business, spiritual businesses, people are capitalizing on it, most of the people are fake, heartbreaking to see cultish behavior, the more followers a person has, the more manipulation

people called out yoga teacher on her healing that needs to happen, she went bezerk

if you’re on a leadership platform of any level, you should be ok to be called out, no body’s perfect

if you say I’m a healer, I’ve healed everything you’re a liar

witness middle aged white professors, spiritual leaders

ego thing

TP: professors should get paid on a curve, based on votes from students to balance the power

VS: students, pests, total followers, have no sense of self

spiritual jabs

you don’t throw jabs at students

you’re not coming from a kind place, so shut the fuck up

TP: can draw upon traditions of sadistic initiation and humiliation

the fuckery of Tibetan Buddhist, secret sex cult, academic analysis of distortion of men being in monastic chastity, creepy manipulators, collusion, hexes, spells, death threats

VS: last thing you want to do is be manipulating people by throwing spiritual jabs, because those cuts hurt deeper

plant ceremony circles, cultish mentality, manipulation, shaming everyone that comes there

are you actually doing the work, shows you really have so much work you need to tend to

forget you

TP: need to be roasted more often not less often if you have power

enlightenment, be kind and not criticize everything

Deepak Chopra, non-judgment

mind hacks, positive/constructive inner voice redirection

VS:

shambala center scandals, male dominated institutionalized sectors, zen buddhism, so male dominated

sexual tension is real, things are going down in an ill way

really sad

woman of color, not many at all in the spiritual industry in America, so much of what has arose has come from indigenous cultures even African indigenous cultures, raped, stolen

TP: sages, saints, prophets, messiahs, too much to ask of pantheon of god men, why isn’t there an exalted female voice representing the divine goddess or earthly embodiment

collective messiah, sisterhood witch coven, actually has each other’s backs, hard to find, not about most money, biggest boobs, clearest skin, politics are distorted, only thing I’ve seen work is magic mushrooms, tone down that ego

collective of empowered righteous medicine women, collectively channel a bigger voice

VS: we’re not sustainable, that paradigm is no longer sustainable, not balanced

Egypt: ancients believed when a man achieved a high amount of knowledge spiritual and power, he would be allowed to wear a long haired wig to symbolize that he had reached a certain level of that equal to a woman

behind every successful man is a strong woman holding him up, keeping him balanced, bringing him peace

recognizing each other’s strengths

look at all these buildings, not sustainable

machismo, misogynistic mentality, disrespecting yourself

you’re describing the woman in the house that I’m initiating into

not getting vibe of competitive, ego, money power, real sisterhood, shocked right now

TP: not an economy of male attention, have each other’s back, like links of armor together

VS: there was one guy that they where gonna bring in to initiate into our house, mother of the house started asking for dreams, said she had dreams that were very revealing about him, how he was betraying and backstabbing, the way the sister’s joined it was unbelievable, if anyone messes with any one of us, we’re all gonna have each others back

TP: dream of goddess temple , powerful men, bow down to fem domme’s

VS: that’s what we need, systems are so broken, education, judicial, health, how can we bring in more divine masculine, and divine feminine, lacking, how can we merge spirituality with these systems for greater collective awaking

TP: divine feminine is coming through no matter what, divine masculine, it’s gonna be a struggle, to topple the demonic overlords, if you could push a button to dissolve homophobia, divine masculine would fill hearts of all men on earth

men want to play with witches, gotta give each other coconut oil massage first

VS: amazing people, transgendered, no how to bring in both, balanced, gurus, two spirited, amazing human beings, kind, empathetic, understanding things differently

TP: tantric alchemy, triangle, masculine feminine bottom corners, ascension of kundalini, meet and become one at the top

VS: back in 2017, working at crystal shop in venice, beach, santoria woman comes in calls me out, you’re haitian, already reclaimed you, just haven’t initiated you yet, I was doing my own spiritual thing, predicted I would be working with plants

when joined program, friend invited me to a cacao ceremony, I’m thinking I’m gonna do chocolate, heard it opens heart, makes more loving, there’s a fire pit, middle of night, circle, passing around green powered, why is this green, whatever, dark paste to put on gums, must be cacao, intense vulnerable experience, beautiful

wasn’t cacao, that was coca, in concentrate form, door way led into whole path with medicines, microdosing with magic mushrooms, ayahuasca, universe is smart, had I known it was coca I would have been like no I’m not doing that

TP: decriminalization nature movement, entheogens decriminalized in Santa Cruz,

dance with haitian priestesses, throughout development, haitian shamanic revolution, invocation, deities, ancestors, spiritual revolution, not marx, not communism, party line, indigenous, totally

VS: all this stigma about what voodoo is, that is how they won the revolution in 1804 no other black free nation until 150 years later, cecile fatiman, pig ceremony started the revolution, shamanism, paganism, trance like states

what led me to this path, haitian priestess voodoo initiation, getting into plants, connecting with ayahuasca, beautiful experience for shipibo, saw me, called to that medicine, wanna find who I’m gonna learn from

got back from jungle, grandmother, what are you doing in the jungle taking medicine, pagaism, witchcraft, when that happens, when you’re called its not you, you’d not choose voodoo, voodoo chooses you

TP: you do you and voo doo you

VS: lineage is calling you, ancestors wanted you to leave California to get you some where calm and quiet so they could start tapping in, all these dots started connecting

researching portals, deities, very powerful, not spirits you want to take lightly, have a lot of sincerity, they can get upset if you disrespect them, I’m learning a lot

mother of house did a reading, can’t just pay to be a high priestess, spirit needs to confirm initiation, its not for everybody

born into hatiain lineage

grew up with mallato family, strong french presence, history of haiti, didn’t allow voodoo, combinations of saints because they were not allowed, raised catholic, all about white is right, american dream

had to come to truth with myself, with my soul, intense level I’m being called

TP: mixed healing arts

VS: I’m a make up of 3 races, I feel equally connected to plant medicines, and bringing in hatiain high priestess patheon, making it my own modernized way, very empowering, I go march 10th, I’ll be back the 24th, that initian is pretty intense, you’re told mysteries, I don’t even know what I’m getting into

Bufo toad, 5me0 dmt, more powerful than ayahuasca, really excited

TP: you’re feeding your fire with the antics of the patriarchs, so shallow, so obvious, paradox of ego, just the desire to destroy ego is a from the ego

VS: constantly check myself, not doing it primarily for me, doing it for others service, finding that balance, last thing I want to do is be a slave to my calling, constant checking am I happy, will this make me happy, wanna be happy getting up everyday doing the work, take some of the me out

TP be frugal, live simply, if majority of net worth being directed towards healing, transformation, liberation, you’ll continually get resupplied, just like a garden

VS: plan, determined to have a church, self love center, don’t want a podium, just sit down in a circle and just talk, everyone welcome, atheists are welcomed, that’s how I’d bring people to god, hopefully empower each other, getting closer to our truth

balance of old traditions but being radical, finding balance

really called to go to l.a. really scary, demonic forces there

TP: align with nature you’ll be blessed, beach, ocean, hiking trails, protected wild areas, wild coast line

things about la that do drive me crazy and make me sick

I been here chasing dreams, having enough come true I’m ready to chill more, enjoy fruits of labor put in over the course of almost 20 years, done really well, almost like vegas too, if you don’t have your shit together it can tear you apart and drag you down

VS: living in heart of hollywood, studio apartment so peaceful, 3 am , yelling, toxcity, energy so intense, I have to be shielded on another level spiritually to go in and do the work

TP: have a yard, ecosystem you can draw from, rather than be stacked in an apartment, co-op houses, yard spaces garden sanctuary, capture rain water, transforming homes, eco sanctuaries

where ever you go don’t lose that connection to the soil, have more freedom, hang clothes out to dry, pets will have a better life

you can be safe from crime, but not safe from neighbors who don’t want you to grow food in your front yard

east of l.a. river, parties all night long, soulful dance music

pacific palisades, between malibu and santa monica, coast line, trails, less population, still half hour away from sunset strip, if you want to play that game, it’s a gamble, tango with the matrix

VS: start small, hopefully get congregation to build it up, lets expand, love to have a store too, do workshops, give people opportunities to shine there light, on different things, diversity, inclusivity, reinvent our current

 

Escaping the Matrix and Living the Dream of Wild Romance TPP244

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In this episode I share an important announcement that I’ve fallen in love with a land project and will be living the dream of romance with the wilderness

My Non-Verbatim Show Notes:

working on a land project

from now on daily reports, maybe stack them up if their short

my state of nature to be in the hills, the forest, the trees

most actualized life chapters, where I’ve been blessed to serve gaia and some sort of wealthier than me matriarch of a peace of property

there’s often been a romance novel cover mystique going on

i’ve been an ecological gigolo to some extent, luckily not the situation now

hasn’t always worked out the best

now clearing up karma, and maturing, and growing up stuff, more aware of red flags

in twilight of 30s feeling, this is the next best chapter

peaks and valleys of life

peaks when out there, feeling free, devotion to nature spirits, deep listening to the will of the ancestors of the land

i’m a paint brush for the land, soil repair, soil building, interdimensional source of healing, being a bandage on the land

in harmony with the human needs, the land needs, the soil needs,

social permaculture design, dabbling feng shui,

i really feel the energy flows when there is order brought to the disorder

the disorder of junk and clutter and generations agricultural paradigm shifting, so many different hazards, and decaying and rotting materials, really becomes a meditation to keep the surface of your skin intact, when you’re harvesting scavenged materials, when you’re gathering and macguevering, and a-teaming up a design

beautiful multidimensional, fully immersive art project, those are the peaks

the valleys are the times when i have to do the daily grind in the city, which i have been doing, almost full time, mostly urban permaculture installation work with various crews, in that sense morale is always dragging, its great to have solidarity, working for clients, seeing the transformation, flipping lawns to gardens

nudging the paradigm slowly, being the flagship project in suburban neighborhoods, it’s fulfilling and rewarding, more than most jobs

been blessed to work with super flexible and gracious teams,

understanding of LA traffic and respect for need for autonomy

crews have been so grateful for my help, and flexible with my schedule

installing drought tolerant native plants, sculpting land for rainwater catchment, all different techniques applied to make a site more sustainable, but at the end of the day, we’re still installing pvc, still using toxic glue that kills your brain, there’s this juxtaposition of the conventional paradigm, and the ancient futuristic permaculture paradigm, i strongly dislike to be such a purist radical, but i want to be doing this work and this play and this art in a more taoistic sense, not treading so hard on the earth, not just blazing in, what’s expected as contractors,

the hustle, the life of the contractor, cheep beer, nightly ejaculation, coffee every day, junk food

i want to be the barefoot gardener, who listens to the plant, doesn’t use any toxic material, re-use materials on site, an artisan approach

it’s a huge luxury because few people want to pay for workers to work slow

being a worker, whether your boss is an angel or demon, i’ve been very blessed

but it kills my soul not to be working for myself

at the end of every day you’re back to square one, making very little progress on your own property or your own garden

it’s draining and demoralizing

i’ve been very frugal, so that i can save and hodl crypto and to the hodl plus strategy from the bitcoin podcast, you’re not spending frivolously on anything, cutting expenses to the bone so you don’t have to sell off, do good by your future self, let your days be gifts to your future self, dollar cost averaging, stacking sats, always adding to your stash of whatever fraction of bitcoin you squirrel away for the future

assuming the overall uptrend is going to continue

on and off about 15 years I go from working for other people on their sites on their projects, just doing a daily grind to having way more spacious freedom to put all of my effort into a single site which feeds me, which shelters me if possible, which serves the intent and mission of the owner of the property, where you feel like a samurai gardener, I’m a landless peasant in the grand scheme of things, but when I can break free of daily grind of traffice, and commuting, but be steeped in an ecosystem where one day builds on the next

you develop this map of all the materials, where the plants are where the water flows, what the neighbors are like, what local sources of seeds and compost, and it becomes a grand theater

as adventurous as any video game ever was, the holistic fulfillment of it, moments where things really snap together is way beyond a video game, it’s not virtual reality its reality

you get to have heart opening, experience

every time you bump into a new plant or critter you hadn’t noticed and you get to study their beauty and no one tells you your slacking off cuz your vibing with a creature

tarot card reading, spoiled to take a step away from steady pay check, leap of faith, but knowing it’s the right thing for my soul to be focusing doing what I know best

this time under far better sexual political dynamics

its been a huge problem in the past

what do you call the drummer who breaks up with his girl friend, homeless

build karma, not destroy it

a lot to appreciate, significance of transition

it’s the bug out location, I’ve been living in bug out mode

prepper’s have a language of bug out bags, bugging in, bugging out

dug in for another round of zombie apocalypse training camp survival paradise, lots of fun

forest garden of eden music video as archival footage/portfolio/demo reel of my permaculture projects

shows the timeline of my evolution, urban, suburban, rural projects

feel like it’s the crown chakra of a career, feeling like I won the game, of course it’s just another level and the game continues, but you finish a level and you’re on to a new one, really in resonance with life energy

not as much of a horny whipper snapper

dakini said you go from testosterone arousal to oxytocin arousal cycle

I’d rather just do me tonight, I don’t feel pressure to go out and get laid somewhere, never successful at hooking up, never had a one-night stand

all that is to say, I’m still not interested in settling down with a woman, but settling down with the land, without feeling like a loser if not getting laid every night

many years of involuntary celibacy, I had no game
some blame I could point at those who traumatized me, but have to point at myself for not manning up sooner

dakini says you’re shifting your sex drive towards oxytocin

20 years of holding up a “Free Boners” sign, eventually had to take it down because it’s all gone, if you didn’t jump on it, it’s gone

a woman’s got to put in effort to turn me, because it’s not like it’s my first rodeo and I’m going to have a panic attack, because “it’s actually happening”

thinking about coming of age, a woman’s body is an enigma during puberty, a woman’s body is like a ufo, it’s that alien

then it’s a balance after you’ve been deflowered, do you get spoiled, do you take it for granted, do you lose that awe, and honor and respect?

Twins movie, cynical line about how virgins respect women, then lose it once they become players

hitting the nerve of the tragic sense, in the words of Garth Algar, I’m no longer a stranger to the ways of the woman or something to take effect, how long do you retain that sense of awe and wonder

I feel like it’s been painful, but a healthy balance to go through this life mostly celibate

I told myself the other day, no matter what women did, how long it lasted, how it ended, at least you know that you told the women you love that you love them, that’s all you can do

there’s always a list of people you’re chasing, and people who’re chasing you, people you’re running from and running to

Kenneth Ray Stubs on the podcast said to the effect of, when I was younger I was too horny to meditate, it took until I was older to be able to do the advanced spiritual practices

Growing up I didn’t catch the jokes about men’s waning virility, now they sting when I watch movies where those jokes were made

the first lost erection feeling like a transmission drops, WTF!

Was making love, pretty stoned, it could have been that, but at the age of 35, what’s wrong with me, I’m not feeling completely mind blown, lost the youthful sense of 100% immersion in electrifying stimulation, maybe we lost the spark, but it was unexpected because my lingam had never been uncooperative before, never been asexual but had to imagine that’s the feeling of dissociation from the actualized

then there’s the coolidge effect, men become sugar daddies to younger women, older women become cougars to younger men

I didn’t intend for this podcast to go this direction but it’s on point because, you can’t leave the city if you’re still chasing women, because you can’t see beyond the weekend

the need to get off, the compulsion to ejaculate, the compulsion to not be alone, to not be single, the horrific discontent to not be in a relationship

dating apps hamster wheel, slot machine crank of dating apps, mining old friends to see if their single yet, all consuming, ego self esteem, hormones

luckily I never was too spoiled, definitely still women who make the “shwing effect” happen like clock work, so it’s not game over, but it’s an interesting limbo state of I’m still extremely passionate I still feel a lot of eros, but it’s less hormonal and it’s more of an oxytocin mode, so the way women want to feel emotional attention that’s what turns me on, often that’s the gripe and why tantric men are in demand because the should be able to speak to the heart

in early days, of man I’ve got blueballs, or I’m going to prematurely ejaculate, a man is trying to calm himself down and meet the shakti, shakti can be raging like a stormy sea, but you gotta be the storm that creates the waves of shakti, bring the energy in

now I feel more like a woman
not interested in having drunk unsafe hook up sex, jealous that I missed out, but not interested any more

turned down a lot of sex in the last few years, we need to spend time designing a designer way to share energy and practice sex magic

not all women have the patience for developing a deep practice

now with a bit of financial security, ability to grow and compound financial permaculture and financial continence

deeper practice in resonance with the tao

in order to garden safely, or safer, not getting scratched, so many hazards, staff infection, getting sliced up, bundling raw garlic into gauze, blazing through, same energy approaching women

it’s a beautiful sweet spot to have some savings, make a property profitable and pay for itself, do sweat equity, multiple value and revenue streams, things start as a trickle, like a spring, a tiny drip, you can do a bit of earth works and store more water

financial healing, establishment of wealth and a slower more mature, more mid lifey kind of energy and approach

I think this is gonna be a good decade, a new way of inhabiting the body, more taoist and slower paced way of working on a land project

do the best permaculture, some people say don’t do anything on the land until a year of pure observation, just meditate and watch patterns

they say 99 hours of design and 1 hour work, verse 1 hour of design and 99 hours of work

the yield you get from more observation, you have a deeper more expansive diverse way to get the most elegant solution

kick down fertility system, one animal’s output because input for another

never before have I had such grace walking a piece of land where I can just move very slowly
in emergencies and disasters you do have to hustle, but if you don’t rush and you don’t run, and you’re not hustling daily, you really have a million times less chance of injury, and breaking things, tripping, hurting someone else, spilling something, over pouring something, every clumsy cartoon thing, it always comes from that financial knife at your back,just digging into you, I need to hustle to finish this job because it’s by the job and not hourly, or I need to be busy because everyone else is busy

its not healthy, it’s not sane, it’s super dangerous

chronic backpain, usually manageable, use some yogic practice

this will be the year of me developing an “on the mat” asana practice, up to now I’d rather being doing combative dancing

haven’t felt called after many exposures to different teachers of “yoga”, but I probably will be doing it more, probably realizing I have been missing out, time to get on the mat to get the benefits of that practice, looking forward to that, all comes back to feeling less rushed, less of a hustle

entrepreneur pushes boulder uphill, the wage earner is running on a hamster wheel

you push the boulder uphill moonlighting, and it slides back down while you’re on the day job hamster wheel, not many get the boulder cruising down the other side of the slope

most people lose their ass for 5 years before they turn a profit, you should be prepared

a lot of gratitude I have for this opportunity, hopefully not having to rush and hustle and speed around and be dangerous, I think I can swing it so there’s a nice balance of going back to work in the city and top off supplies and accounts until I get to a point where there’s a functioning business model producing revenue

glad to document via the podcast, not going to start out with video teaching, not trying to keep up with the Jones’ on social media

after a humble paleo meal of canned and jarred food at the low end of the health food market, no grain, no dairy, no added sugar, I can do a podcast update

hope not to offend vegans, vegetarians, it didn’t work for me, I still have hell to pay, I feel better, body works better, long standing conditions that are not pleasant that most people have, allergies, weak immune system I feel like I’ve strengthened, I feel better now than I did in my 20s

become a bit of a home brewer, its not a vice but it’s a moderate pleasure that I indulge in, holistic debauchery

luckly weened off cheap beer, never really like being drunk, really didn’t like being hung over

falling in love with home brew fermentation, participating with a biological process, gardening the process, it’s a beautiful thing, it’s a blessing, helps to get through some of the lonelier nights, and helps me be intoxicated with the love of the goddess

incel in the flesh, but blessed in the astral realms with dakinis, the romance of the goddess

nice to have some party favors and ritual elements that help to open the 3rd eye and the heart, losing the inhibitions towards the divine feminine sex goddesses, enjoying a more private more solo practice, not feeling the sharp pain of missing the party on friday night, missing the opportunity to socialize and make an appearance, collecting phone numbers

I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it, for me and most men, you’re gonna feel pressure, I dont’ know about next generation, porn and video games causing apathy towards sex, but anyway no way for me to talk about gardening with out talking about sex goddesses, and porno, etc.

intention to refine the masculine energy to put it to work on something constructive

I often think of the feeling, of being on my knees, putting care planting a nursery potted plant, I’m creating its home in the soil, doing this yoni puja this breast massage, that’s the Mr Miyagi, wax on wax off, that’s the permaculture tantra, what I would be teaching my teenage son if I had one. I have a duty of care for people coming of age who discover my work.

I gotta think responsibly about the Deenagers

Gardening as a pathway of restorative justice for sex offenders, a way to train sacred sexuality

Better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war

a lot of sex education to be gleaned form a permaculture training experience

the 9th form of capital, sexual permaculture thesis, designing for the energy sector of sexuality in a way that is post-monogamy, post-theological control, post-shame, post-guilt, post-patriarchy, getting to more of a sex at dawn paradigm

always made a joke of about a nude permaculture design course

doesn’t have to be a silly joke, there’s nude yoga

there is a place where this hippy, free love, LSD 60s sexual revolution, now there’s more deeper connection to shamanism, tantra, and permaculture

more intelligence with ecology

people are opening up with relationships, more influenced by tantric practices, despite distractions of social media, video games, and porn, there’s quite a refinement of the seed forms of the 60s

on that trajectory of what was started with my parents, they weren’t the wildest party animals but they were on point with back-to-land projects/training centers

things are evolving

it makes me think about 2012, I was a 2012-er, hard not to be after all the Terrence McKenna, that was a huge pressurized urgent, move fast and break things, that can be very dangerous in a horticultural landscape, we got through it,

I tried to accomplish a lot, I developed the ability to lead by example, I don’t feel the need to tell other people how to live

I think I can be content with this oxytocin based sex drive, with really delicate and deliberate romantic cadence

integrating gardening, heart gardening

I’ve tried to involve lovers in the process, some have been on board, others not

Always tried to seduce women into the garden space, to have them fall in love with the plants and the soil and become as clinging and needed to the land as much as my heart or cock

May only the greenest and purest of hearts and souls and minds be a part of my dark green magic from here on out

I have the blessing to play my cards right and put in my best efforts

Try to live by the 4 agreements, hopefully the problems to have will get better and better and the solutions will as well

learning to study patterns, ala the Permaculture Designer’s Manual

spend a night on youtube watching permaculture videos

Bill Mollison and David Holmgren, developed the design science, it’s like a bundled package of ecology and anthrology, engineering, earth sciences, economics, an amazing array of interdisciplinary approach to sustainable human settlement design, zero waste, there’s a lot to unpack

the simple way I can put it, whereas Ted K. went into the words and became coercive, Bill M decided to apply the wisdom of the forest and fight back with positivism, designer ecologies that function as elegant and efficient as a forest

it’s movement, sometimes think it’s elitist, its not religious, it’s not ideological, it’s scientific

if you’re gonna be an architect you’re going to have to learn all kinds of different roles and laws of how things work

we’re building civilizations with toxic materials, slaves, requires wars, and all kind of hell, we could be building our settlements according to design principles of nature

making sure there’s zero waste

you could live in a designer forest where everything that you placed in that designer forest is useful or beneficial, food, fiber, fodder

hydrates, seeds, extends itself

use the template of the wild forest, in that template you plug in edibles, medicinals, benefit that plants, animals, the soil, agro forestry is another term

not square gardens of patches and rows, not fields, not orchards, not monocrop

that’s the least efficient, most lethal and toxic

Just like Bruce Lee, Jeet Kune Do, bringing stuff together

There’s no other game in town, it’s an open source technology, not controlled by a central entity, it’s a decentralized movement by design

saw a beautiful luscious wild RABBIT, seemed quite healthy, I got a sense from seeing it that it was very happy and healthy

cackling of COYOTES in all directions

SQUIRRELS scurrying about

a shiny LADY BUG, unmistakable red dot, always a reminder to my analogy about the goddess Kali as a beneficial predator that helps you control the garden pests, as above so below, as within so without

found a big sprawling cuban oregan plant, respect to the Sunset Nursery for supplying my first plant, my favorite local nursery

CUBAN OREGANO like a succulent, big juicy flaps, meaty, has texture

lone BLACK SOLDER FLY larvae, made a new compost bin for it, affinity as the smokey ash black reminds me of my encounters of the dark goddess

ROSEMARY BUSH

Bromance with lead designer/land keeper, holism, spirituality, martial arts, being fuck yeah stoked about everything you’re vibing on, whether biking or skating or punk shows or girls, the excitement and enthusiasm for working together in a really harmonious way, playing fort, having that be doing this really fun stuff and trying to be productive and profitable, and create value, community, and education

Don’t like the word retreat, would rather be making an advance, what if Burning Man and the Rainbow Gathering happened at Occupy Wall street?…

The word retreat is not my favorite word for spiritual gatherings or workshop gatherings, for lack of a better word, we’re both on that path of building a robust spiritual holistic, regenerative tool set, guinea pigging things on our selves, battle test our immune systems, our diets, not just lead by example but all take on clients

my dual life as a sort of renaissance sex worker of sorts, don’t know what to call myself now, sort of artisan, somewhere between a professional and hobbyist in that realm

this is a place where my dear brothers could circle up for some deep men’s work

don’t want to be a cult leader, taking extreme precaution from becoming a cult of personality

precluding that possibility is a part of design

excess manure is lethal poison if not designed to integrate in a dispersed manner to feed the soil

music icons vs cult leaders

ethics and responsibility of meme producers

its all about rotation, it’s all about decentralization, the term is an ensemble cast that’s the solution to patriarchy, to dictatorship, share the love share the power, share the influence, know when to delegate, know when to lift other people up above you, I’m gonna try my best, by all means accept feedback, look at shadow

I left the same work crew in 2014 to go to the northwest to live out the dream of romance with a piece of property

When I left Babylon then, my dear eco-bro said, “Do Good”, so I’m gonna try to do good again this time

Permaculture or tantra, like ida and pingala, they’re complimentary

Mindfulness, Nature Immersion, and The Pacific Crest Trail with Jessica Moon TPP241

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Jessica Moon In a Boat Smiling

In this episode I’m joined by Jessica Moon for a conversation on mindfulness, nature immersion, and hiking the Pacific Crest Trail for 5 MONTHS!

About Jessica:

Jessica Moon is a Stress Management Coach who focuses on Mindfulness and Nature Immersion as vehicles for powerful healing and evolution. From many years in corporate America to hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, Jessica has a broad range of life experiences that has provided her the insight to guide and transform in her one on one coaching practice. She is an advocate for mental health awareness and diversity in the outdoors, and active in building her local community.

Instagram: @jessicamoonco

My (non verbatim) notes:

TP: Jessica Moon, old dear friend, along the ride of tantra punk journey since very beginning around 2013, was shocked to find that name hadn’t already been turned into some sort of persona online, hopefully I’ve done my best

she’s way beyond a supportive friend, an inspiration, somebody who’s kept me on a very ethical and conscious path, has given me lots of great feedback

talk about her path, eco psychology, forest bathing, many ways to look at benefits of spending time in nature, deep personal journeys of long distance hiking

extra bonus, you might recognize her silky voice as the voice of the outro on all of my episodes, does a wonderful job of doing the wrap up details, its a treasure to have that mystery voice be on the podcast

JM: working on getting people outdoors, help people see benefits of being immersed in nature, millennials , anyone can benefit, remove barriers to help people really benefit

start when I younger and in college I was a sexual health peer mentor for my university, worked with my peers to educate them on health topics, disseminated health and hygiene products through the outreach center, help become more empowered

after graduated, joined nature center, help plan ecological programs and events, natural conservation for the city, got to work with variety of people

it was a very beautiful experience to be intimately connected with these people, very active motivated hikers, some people who’d never spent time even at a park

really wanted to help people have a more enjoyable, more intimate experience with natural world

then got into corporate world, for about 5 years, it was good to learn a lot of skills, but definitely aching, stress, heaviness of not having that immersion that I used to have

caught up in career, societies idea of success, lost connection with self, deep connection with natural world

year, decided to hike pacific crest trail, had been training, reconnecting with mountains, beaches, when I took the leap, and left for the trail, such a transformation from being immersed in the wilderness, back country for 5 months, feel completely at peace now that I’ve had that experience, affirmed, not everybody can take that much time off their life

but any amount of time is so beneficial, now that I’m back, into the science, philosophy, how to get more nature time into our busy lives, liberating motivating

TP: want to get into the drama of this whole arch of preparing, doing some permaculture the other day, mentioning we were gonna talk about this, the PCT, how do people survive, you can’t bring a semi truck water tank that drives behind you, what are the amenities on the trail, he said people will send selves care packages, I don’t really have a clue

JM: the resupply logistics, first, instead of one really long trip, think of as series of 3 to 5 day, sometimes more than 7 days depending on snow, how quick you hike, generally 3 to 5 days, given that , hiker hunger, metabolism working so hard, never felt hunger like that before, if you think about it as you’re going town to town, long series of small backpacking trips, you can self packages ahead of time, my strategy was I resupplied in town, if you’re lucky, supermarkets, sometimes just gas station, generally you know, or if you didn’t ask around, anticipate that, if you go get into a town with a big grocery store, buy food, ship it forward, only did for really small towns, didn’t want to eat pop tarts and snicker bars, backpacking food, if you don’t go really expensive route, has a lot more nutrients compared to options like instant ramen, after a while, can’t eat this any more, try to mix it up, hit up bulks, blessing to find bulk section, keeping an open mind, would have been hard if I had any dietary restrictions if I was vegan or gluten intolerant, I would have done more sending myself ahead of time, its really not that much cheaper or convenient to send yourself the boxes ahead of time, you’re tastes change

you don’t have a car, last thing you want to do is walk more

TP: from prepper survivalist world, lot of people in fantasy land, vision of how their gonna be so fit, prowess, bad ass, when zombie apocalypse happens, but they’re not conditioning in the mean time, but the experience of doing this endurance drill, makes me think everything has to be so tightly economized, efficiency, variables to consider, you’re probably better prepared for anything to go wrong, then people who make a whole life style out of being a prepper, tripping me out

could you tell me about some of the sort of dietary life hacks that you came up with, as some one doing this frugally, out of necessity, on a budget, how to have healthy food and not junk food

JM: does take a toll, body type can’t just eat anything, when I was on trail, I was like omg I can eat chips and candy, I really felt terrible, I really need to take care of myself, I was like okay I really need to change the trajectory of my nutrition, took a lot of supplements, glucosamine , multivitamin, try to pick up juice shakes, I needed that because when you’re on the trail, you have to consider weight right, weight expense and convenience

for example, you can get tuna packets, just a staple for hikers, thing about them, not terribly expensive, but not cheap either, on cost, in the circle of the through hikers, most people agree it’s about $1000 a month, on a tighter budget its possible to hike less, you’re gonna be spending less time in town, if you’re a social person its a fun part of the experience to explore the town

if you’re on a tight budget its definitely possible to do the hike on less, buy the food in bulk previously

dehydrating food at home and sending forward, people get sick of the same food, but you can spend a lot more on the trail as well, stay in hotel, one bed vs 6 hikers, or alcohol, or deserts, depends on person, average person not super luxurious is about $1000, barrier to entry is not accessible to everybody, it is a big trip, felt very privileged that I had opportunity

TP: bullet points, staple macro nutrients, can feel you on the weight and price, on that path as urban survivalist, trying to figure out what my pallet will enjoy and what my guts will handle, I could have the most Bourgeoisie, organic fresh catered diet to the maximum degree of what I know is the ideal, but if I did that I wouldn’t be able to do anything else, joke about “whole paycheck”

but I do believe in my heart of hearts that there are life hacker ways to have extreme frugality, but have extreme nourishment, bulk, group buys, I’m curious for you, fats, proteins, carbohydrates in that framework, stuff you could tolerate the longest, didn’t make you sick, sweet spot of weight and cost, ramen doesn’t cut it

JM: biggest thing for me, that I bough dehydrated vegetables, basically a soup mix, in bulk, just add it to everything, find the vegetables that you like, if you have a dehydrator, I would say incorporating vegetables into your diet no matter what, can eat dried meat, jerky, bison bars, sausage, tuna or chicken pouches, but if you just have that, you’re lacking that balance,

really enjoyed dried, pre prepared beans, really not that expensive, compared to bison bar, or higher end nut butters, just dried beans, make sure they’ve been dehydrated as cooked beans, they’re like bean flakes, if you’re vegan or something, or if body can’t tolerate fat anymore, its really high fat out there, powered humus also an option

sunflower seeds are really cheap

also drink powders, couldn’t handle the sugar, protein powders keep you full

cheeses work really well, lactose intolerant, but a popular lunch was a flour tortilla, summer sausage, and hard cheese

things like spam, powdered eggs, dehydrated milk, I really enjoyed dried veggies, dried fruits

chilli mangos was a treat, new technologies for much lighter, dehydrated and freeze dried veggies and fruits

really liked raw stuff, everything was so dry, and processed, but things like nutritional yeast, everything but the bagel package, sauce packets, miso soup, chicken noodle soup, powdered taco mix

lots of sodium and preservatives, but they’re light, cheap, last a long time, if in a pinch they have something to offer

I just bit the bullet and got green juices, or super food mixes whenever I could afford it

avoid ramen, so many other things available, entire bagels, last for a few days, instant rice and potatoes, always a staple, nan flat bread, corn tortillas don’t last very well, whole slices of bread, couscous was really popular

you have you’re good old trail mix, mixing it up and making it different, you really start to despise it

TP: shifting into more paleo and keto trend if you will, and so I’ve been experimenting a lot with build seeds, grinding into a more palettable form, powdered tahini, from bulk sesame seeds, grinding down to pumpkin seeds, mixing with coconut oil, like bread and butter, get that experience but it’s low carb, more protein, then having that fat, thinking about weight factor

were people bringing tubs of coconut oil or was it just too much weight, olive oil or other oils, calorie dense but you can’t eat that that much of it

JM: lots of oil, add a scoop of coconut oil to your meal, delicious, add more calories, seen people carrying full glass bottle of hot sauce, to spice things up, seen someone carry a glass jar of coconut oil

when for lighter right

went for single use coconut packets, a light way to incorporate into meals, trying to avoid highly processed carbs, I don’t make me feel that great

nuts, sunflower seeds, chia hemp and flax seeds also in my diet

they’re just delicious

TP: sprouting seeds and recycling water?

JM: read about a woman who sprouted just in a tupperware, poked holes, put a piece of cheese cloth, had fresh greens all week

broccolli, peas, lentils, alfalfa, also there was a time where there was a bunch of rain, miners lettuce foraging in oregon, what if I just threw some of that in to my ramen

TP: what level of foraging is legal/desirable, plant ID nerds, not gonna survive 100% but hope they wouldn’t be too restrictive about that kind of stuff

JM: I really can’t say, if we’re allowed to, it’s a protected trail, but in oregon you have to have a permit to forage for wild mushrooms, also, I definitely eat the huckleberries on the trail that were everywhere, just so many

TP: some things are invasive too, its a benefit

JM: thank you these giant berries we’re going into the trail

if I had a little more confidence in local flora and fauna, know for sure you can’t hunt, if it was permissible I’d totally lead a group, let’s get launch, wild mustard, miners lettuce, local invasive plants, didn’t have personal experience foraging, other than the berries

TP: people not yet in romance with nature yet, remember when I didn’t feel a romance with nature, grew up playing in woods, at the beach, wasn’t a deep yearning to connect with something I’d never known, didn’t feel deprived, took it for granted, video games started to eat my childhood, I don’t want to say disenchanted, I can commiserate with the people who feel like they feel more excitement from video games, socializing, hipster strips, when go out to nature I’m bored, cynical earlier in life, then rekindled romance through gardening, seeking healing, would love to have you in your words, help people feel into the shifts and transformation and deep soul tissue healing that’s happening, if you could romanticize the journey

JM: I think just to start it off, if you’re not in love, or find yourself bored, but you’re stressed out, want to work on health, nurture it better, just like to share, some of the research that is, where we are right now with nature immersion is where yoga was, in terms of more mainstream, widespread, growing body of research combined with intuitive understanding, tipping point, health researchers, government, very progressive, bring nature to people’s every day lives, it can lower stress hormone levels, reduce nervous system arousal, enhance immune system function, decrease anxiety, improve mood, help with aggression, accelerate healing

highly stimulated in this world now, if you want to try, give it a chance, big study, 20k people, people who spent 2 hours a week in green spaces, parks, neighborhood with a ton of trees, just hanging out and removing yourself from urban environment, traffic, noise, any kind of natural environment, either all at once or spaced out, like taking 10 minutes on launch break, fresh air, giving self space

attention restoration theory, allows brain to restore, allows cognition, your brain giving it space and time to relax, when you go back to desk or work, cognition levels are much better

little things like that, if you’re not someone who gets super excited, its such an easy thing, give yourself 10 minutes, 2 hours a week spread out, try it

when we make something important, our health, mental health, emotional states, spiritual states, at very least, relax and think, relax and not think, taking time to do that, make it important, have that connection with natural space it will begin to show itself to you

a friend that is not trying to tell you what to do with your life, or unsolicited advice, they’re just there, allow you to work through whatever you’re going through

natural world all of the patterns that exist in that space are things that as humans we’ve evolved with, all very familiar

one quote I really love, from scientist who was a pioneer for forest bathing Japan, “we are visually fluent in the patterns of the natural world, because we evolved in the scenery of the natural world we can process its patterns easily, it is this fluency that relaxes us”

TP: stress less, talk to the nature painting, talk to the landscape

JM: with my own business, researching so much, why isn’t this more popular, why isn’t this more well known

allow attention to restore our brains, to chill out, thinking tests better, in New York, some crazy busy place, even just looking at pictures of nature, videos, listening, put on headphones listen to nature sounds

all of that is beneficial, so it’s like why not

not the most stimulating, in terms of instant gratification, but if you make your health, mental health, emotional state, a priority, 10 minutes a day for you to level up

TP: PSA for gamers, as of just very recently Santa Cruz has joined Oakland, decriminalize entheogenic plants and fungi, the whole suite of plant derived entheogens, still federally highly regulated, but just like cannabis, this movement is growing very fast, #decriminalizenature, I feel like for me what shift was the romance with nature 10xed when I started to integrate dancing in the garden with psychedelics, because all of that dopamine you’d get from slaying dragons in a video game world, you’ll be that thrilled just watching the flow of nature, and being a part of it, and doing your own shadow work, and having nature spirits help you with that

don’t want impose that narrative on our work

JM: hemp will save the world environmentally

TP: what are some of the more cinematic moments

JM: very very beautiful views are conducive of these type of moments, knowing that when you’re looking out on this beautiful landscape, mountain peaks, feel very small, but very connected, look out and see all these pieces of me, subatomic particles, everything is me, and I am it, really grounding type of experience to have, look out, wow all the issues I’m struggling with or limiting factors, or negative head space, all that just dissipates, because you put things into perspective, look into the night sky, see the stars, and you just, sense of awe, and admiration, and deep respect, when you are just so connected, just in tune

TP: I feel that, live for those vistas, any times where equipment failed, or got soaked, freezing, suffer through a night, moments of triumph

JM: I would say nature is cruel but powerful mistress, so like, in the same way that it will guide me into this revelation about absolute awe adoration, at the same time I’ve been cold, and hungry, and so defeated, but I think those are the moments when we’re struggling, going through change, extreme internal conflict due to weather and terrain, you’re able to grow, I have so much respect for nature, those experiences teach you how to tap into your grit, drive is more important than intrinsic motivation, which is fleeting, tap into own tenacity, hardship

when things are gravy at home, stressed out from work or life, but physically when you are drenched, no placed to put your tent, or snow, post holing thigh deep, on side of mountain gotta get off but sun is setting

even just being out there and pushing yourself is honestly the best way to make a transformation, quickest and most impactful way

meditation is very powerful and important, but holy moly I just did that, very immediate evolution when you experience that kind of physical challenge

just think about it, anytime you get pummeled in the ocean, I respect you so much, I will not through trash in you, I’m just a naked human, a flesh bag

TP: break up, death of loved own, quitting smoking or drinking, seems like any kind of major shift or transition even if its just a week, sounds like you’re a great person to be an evangelist for this, and it’s not a pill that you just take and pay big pharma to have you on a pill for the rest of your life, hopefully get off anti-depressants, I can feel that

we’ll have you back to talk more about your business, thought about doing meet ups, I was just exposed to night hiking, maybe we’ll be looking forward to what you have to offer, more than welcome to promote

JM: for now, instagram up, jessicamoonco on instagram, hoping to launch officially next month if you are stressed out, want some mindfullness guidance and encouragement to get out doors, definitely check me out, jessicamoon.co forthcoming

TP: heart ached when you told me you were in a corporate career, didn’t hear the exhuberance in your voice when you told me about it, glad it served you well for business administration, training for solopreneur, blessings to everyone who thrives in that environment, having known you at the peak of your youthful enthusiasm for exploration and breaking rules and being a rebel, I’m so thrilled to know that everything is coming full circle for you.

I had similar story of it being incongruent with spirit/soul being in a cubicle, but knowing when I was in corporate environment I was mining the experience so I wouldn’t just be a broke ass hippy, I’d know how to take a penny and make two pennies with out

JM: thank you so much for having me, thank you so much for your attention and hope we can get out doors, level up, hope you have a beautiful week

TP: been a treasure and blessing, much love to you and all your beloveds

Seeking the Soul of Local Tantric Energy with Reverend Priestess Sandivel TPP240

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iX CheL Sandivel Pic

In this episode I’m joined by iX-Chel

For a conversation about what she’s been up to of late, her new insights into male sexual continence and energy cultivation, her thoughts on sex workers’ empowerment, her upcoming retreat, and much more!

About iX-Chel:

Reverend Priestess Sandivel, best known as iX-Chel Sandivel, is an intimacy mentor and guide. An Elite Tantra Educator and former Nike Elite Sponsored Runner, she was born in Mexico City and raised in Southern California. She is passionate about creating safe and expansive experiences that allow the human spirit to evolve with ecstatic awareness, confidence and self-love through her mentorship programs, personalized retreats in the tropical jungles of Mexico and playshop events all over the world.

Though movement practices, cultural experience, tantric breathing techniques and ceremonies, Sandivel supports others to discover a profound, ever lasting and orgasmic love within.

Adoring the Beloved Within: www.sandivel.com/retreat

Heartfelt Honoring of Diverse Eco-Femininisms with Zanzibar TPP238

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Zanzibar pic

In this episode I’m joined by my dear friend Zanzibar!

About Zanzibar:

Zanzibar is a para-activist, tropho-autonomist donacrat who has participated in sissi-fraternal, progressional sociopercolation for decades. A dedicated Gaiaolatrat and femineurorevolutionary, glomp* has cotextured the trance-linguistics of metre and assonance over great calendrical longitudes. Glomp is a standing-wave emergence from anonymity who shelters in polywombic noir.

 

Santa Cruz Decriminalizes Plant and Fungi Entheogens TPP236

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Santa Cruz Entheogens Approved

In this episode I share the audio recording from the Santa Cruz city council vote that decriminalized entheogens:

Resolution declaring that the investigation and arrest of individuals twenty-one (21) years of age and older involved with the adult personal use and personal possession of entheogenic psychoactive plants and fungi listed on the Federal Schedule 1 list be amongst the lowest priorities for the City of Santa Cruz.

Read more at:
https://merryjane.com/news/santa-cruz-just-decriminalized-all-natural-psychedelics

Coronavirus, Joan Rivers, and The Princess Bride TPP235

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Joan Rivers Reality Tv Show Permaculture Installation

In this episode I tell an epic survival romance story to commemorate victims of the coronavirus and urge folks to do their best to prepare for this and all threats to their survival…

Please listen to this episode for practical preparedness tips:
Basic Preparedness and the Prepping Pyramid TPP246

My (non-verbatim) Show Notes: 

2012 respected consultant on emergency and disaster preparedness and permaculture design

my partner and I landed a well paid gig for permaculture /preparedness survival make over for Joan Rivers’ Joan Know’s Best reality tv show, rest in piece, rest her soul, amazing important wise elder matriarch of the entertainment industry

honor and blessing to work very closely with her, for that day of shooting, brought out big stake truck, moved our chicken tractor, and mini pond, and mini herb spiral, faux backyard permaculture set up

there had been an earthquake in la, mild but enough to feel it, a few things fall of the wall, they might have captured footage of it during the reality tv show filming, the producers after that real earthquake said, we should actually do a subplot within an episode on disaster preparedness, what it would look like for Joan, daughter and grand son to do an emergency prep process

they had a scene showing they needed batteries for flash lights, doing intuitive inventory of what you need to survival, if there was a disruption of systems of support, critical services cut off, would you be able to render your own first aid, provide food water shelter clothing, they got footage of the family going through the motions seeing how unprepared they were

they went to an amazing local survival equipment wholesaler/retailer, it was like disney land for preppers, they were a company they supplied first aid kits, fire extinguishers, water storage tanks, tools, camping gear, I could go on, their catalog was like porn for me, you go in there and wish you could buy everything, just want to live there, if you were an employee and shit hit the fan you’d be stoked, they should have had guns though, maybe someone should establish a gun store right next door to defend it in a shift hit the fan

so I was living out this romance novel story out on this land, peak of a man’s love life, beautiful romance, crashed and burned in a very archetypal and mythical the arch of the whole relationships, set foot on her property to establish permaculture systems which she had wanted for years, just didn’t have the right person to help, there was an opportunity she put out to the spiritual community that she had this land and wanted to make it productive, I hit her up and said this is what I’ve been trained to do and I’d be happy just to have a place to pitch a tent

it was the end of 2011, lots of 2012 energy, wow if I could be bugged out on some land in the mountains where you’re tucked away in the wood lands, less zombie pressure, higher income bracket, going from where I was at the time, when I met her I had been doing an urban survival permaculture training center garden, I built on top of an parking lot at a big punk warehouse artist colony venue

I developed the rugged outdoor survival life style, in the middle of south central la, surrounded by gangs

I wasn’t trying to scam on her, wasn’t hitting on, it just kinda happened, I was attracted, I respected her, she was almost 20 years older, loved the heck out of her, we did beautiful things together

I was grateful to get the fuck out of the urban center, it was sweet spot, in the mountains, but sill close enough to the city to do gigs and stay in my band

but I wanted to live on the land focus on the land, first building my little camp, sproutables as stable food, I still have embarrassing footage of documenting the projects as they went along

as I got my camp established I started to make a masterpiece out of the land, did the permaculture design, set up composts, garden beds, earth works

this was my dream, that I had been cooped up literally in urban projects, now I got to have this giant canvas

I was filled with love and light, and at the peak of virility

I can’t help getting into the romance, we had this banter, it was quite charming

very much the as you wish, sweet wesley, princess butter cup, princess bride kinda thing she’s like a millionairess, owning her property, in a house that she built with her ex-husband, and with their ill-fated marriage and divorce left her with the house all to herself

a shamanic priestess in her own right, I was drawn for the ceremonial opportunities happening there

at one point she had been developing feelings for me, I begun my tantric path and was resolute in being open and non monogamous, doing long trial periods and setting up agreements where we put leases on each other’s bodies, not just permanent access, it’s gonna be metered out and we’re gonna hold true to contracts

that’s not the most romantic part of the story, sorry that’s my virgo, living and learning hard lessons of getting trapped in toxic relationship situations

she was thrilled to see her property come to life, thrilled clip fresh greens, harvest chicken eggs, she was a crack chef, holistic lavish parties

she was healing, in a cycle of healing with some issues that forced her to stop working, she was really actually, for me to come in there at a time where she had so much liquid capital for so many decades of her professional career, and I get there, having come out of the south central punk ghetto, having really figured out survival, minimalism, living outside, I had just come out of that sort of self imposed ranger school if you will, in some ways very extreme and comparable to that, in some ways I’m doing a disservice to ranger school graduates by saying that

I had seen of the colony reality show seasons, sophisticated social experiments, group of volunteers, strangers, with skill sets, put into social experiment of urban survival post disaster, constructed scenario, global pandemic outbreak, they were put into a survival theme park, they peppered in all these different tools and supplies and equipment, had to ration food, solar power, water purification, latrine, living quarters, defend perimeter, it was like a survival obstacle course staged by the producers, of course they hyped the sexual drama and politics, lots of stage, but overall done very well, really brought out patriarchal douche bag in one of the characters, they probably played it up but this guy played a real jerk, if they had a yogi there and they got that guy chilled the fuck out they would have been happier

I was fresh off the urban survival experience and watching the colony season, I wanted to put myself through that, the experience of deprivation, like a full time drill, I was on extremely tight budget, I was very very very poor financially, that was part of the drill, it made it all work

she was brought down to my level even though she owned property, the cost of heating that place, the water bill, commuting, family expenses, it was stress inducing, so for me to be able to come in there with very sophisticated simple and elegant techniques for living frugality, eating sprouts every night, and what I called ben feed, own trail mix, not paleo and bad for teeth and gut though, thought it was great that was no added sugar, but too much carb and dried fruit sugar, so not the best wisdom at that stage, but able to subsist

sprouting grains and legumes make them healthier, less toxic, less carbs

so between fresh chicken eggs every morning, fresh greens and herbs eventually fruits and some berries

I pretty much brought sustenance to her from my humble 5 gallon buckets and mylar bags, I was nourishing her and providing for her and at that everyday it was like farm boy fetch me a bowl of sprouts, as you wish

it led to a moment where she was commiserating with a couple of fellow elder priestesses about her empty love life, and I walk by them, when they saw me and they heard her talking about her woes, they said that’s your man, he’s right here on your doorstep

when we sat together and talked love the first time, I said, something to the effect that I’m like a reference book at the library, you have to share me

another thing she said was that she did test me though, there was an epic project that had to be and I knocked it out for her, and that was part of it too

also she said she fell in love with me when she saw me leading a group of other men repairing her teepee,

she seemed to have been sniffing out the alpha pheromone, though I’m not overtly alpha in terms of being agro or competitive

I felt it for her and she felt it for me, and it was negotiated to be openish, we had a sacred contract ultimately for a period of months of monogamy

we were successful, she was the sales and marketing and spokes model and I was the inventor, builder, introverted, designer, not people person

she was extraverted, our videos still exist where you can see how charming she is

it was the peak of our romance and success together, me building my wares and her selling them, legally registered by new cottage food law

cottage food paradigm shift

we were one of the first, we were rockin, had permaculture workshops, I was in the process of starting an officially recognized permaculture design course with a novel at-your-own-pace format for low income people

we had meet ups, workshops, other instructors coming in, weddings, we sold 150 amaranth seedlings to a wedding production as wedding gifts to all the attendees, can’t imagine how prolific those plants have been, amaranth is my spirit plant

glorious achievements, romance novel come to life

we started going to classes at that survival equipment store, I got my first aid training there, we went there together

we also did the cert training at the local fire station together

we were getting into tactical permaculture, vision of creating seed pellets to be used in airsoft guns so that you would know by what was planted where the kill zones were, better avoid where all the wild flowers were clustered

we had a legitimate, top tier tactical training marksman involved with the project, we started to draft out the ultimately survival permaculture tactical theme park design, motes, edible perimeter defense like sugar cane, blackberries, imagine stick fighting training with sugar cane, or chewing on your night stick while being a warrior defending your goddess temple community, sugar cane staff, for a bit of extra blood sugar if you need to run or fight, imagination runing wild, but it was starting to happen, archery, martial arts training gear, kicking post in the office, talk about warrior goddess temple, permaculture goddess temple, the whole 9 yards, a lot of people have beautiful memories of the time as well, it was epic

so we had started to work with the survival store, and one of our sex magic rituals yielded the mascot of the brand I had established years ago

she had to reel me in and tone done my zombie apocalypse rhetoric, she advised some re-edits on my basic preparedness manual to take out the zombie talk, smoothed out the edges so she could see to other high class soccer moms

I rebranded a more family friendly business card, and the survival store had the business card on their bulletin board, her handy work of getting the business card out to people

so the Joan River’s production crew searched for survival training, found the store, went there and asked if they do home consulting/installation, I believe they said no, but oh here’s this business card from those nice friendly homesteader folks that shop here and trainer here, so they gave the production staff the business card

we got a call, I didn’t even know who Joan River’s was, I think she got the call, and she seemed keyed up, of course Joan has a big place in my heart since space balls, but I didn’t know her name

she was like hey they want to pay us to do this thing on the show, there were some things they were pushing on that I thought would be poor representation, I was worried that we’d be made fun of, make a joke of, and my colleagues would tear me apart of I miss represented the art and science to the masses, preppers and permies can be pretty vicious in terms of political correctness, and one-upmanship, ego bullshit,

but I decided to go along with it, nothing was a huge violation of the principles and science, one thing I really didn’t like but let it slide

I don’t think I’ll burn in hell for selling out

the shoot went well, the chemistry was great, we lucked out, because it was 50/50 if we were gonna be the laughing stock, if you’re Joan Rivers’ laughing stock and she’s gonna bully you mercilessly with her lines, you’d have to have thick skin, I expected since were the crazy wingnut survival freaks, doing this backyard makeover

ultimately it worked out well, in our favor, because the whole series was that Joan had moved in with her daughter to drive her crazy and try to control her life with her humor and divaness, that was the premise of the whole show

it worked in our favor because Joan was authentically on board with us, she got it, she asked about our backgrounds, I said I’ve been a survivalist since I was on the street as a young teenager, saw dark things and had to learn to survive

and my partner grew up more holistic, ranch, rustic, agricultural life, farmer relatives, americana

we clicked so Joan even said you look good together, the most golden compliment you can ever get, what can’t you do if you can impress Joan river’s visually that was a huge compliment all thought one of her staff thought I was my partner’s son, lots of funny moments

they have a whole day of footage and only use a few minutes

so joan hires us to do the consultation and backyard make over and she’s thrilled and gung ho to have us appear to be tearing up the lawn, we’re going to be growing vines all over the place, build a chicken run, turn the pool into a living edible natural pond and fish farm, and so the great thing was that joan was totally on board with everything and stoked and gung ho, and the antagonism was with her daughter

the lines that joan said I couldn’t have paid her a trillion dollars to say, about when the shit hits the fan the neighbors are gonna be lined up down the block to get my eggs, we’re gonna be sustainable, and she was sincere, she was old enough to have a clue about self sufficiency and hard times

it was a beautiful experience, here we are now years later, 8 years later, no longer in that relationship, no longer on the property, I can only hope since we parted was in a pretty ugly meltdown, I love to hope we’d be able to not rekindle but reminisce on what was mostly good

it was pretty acute collapse at the very end after wild success in love and business and the sky being the limit, if what we did for joan rivers was good enough for her even as a joke that’s a pretty good endorsement, we did we teach for the local government emergency committees

got a business loan, we had a mascot, a brand, we were selling buckets of survival food, sprouting kits, trainings, its damn shame, it all comes down to monogapathic behavior, she could follow the letters of our agreement which gave me freedom to be a healer

I told her I was gonna be a yoni worshiper and healer and that’s my path and training before we met, and you’re gonna have to come to terms with that, it doesn’t mean that I’m even that I’m having sex with anyone I may be touching people they may be touching me, that’s where I really fine tuned my deal with women, looking at what are the actually permanent irreversible risks to having an open relationship, incurable stis, sexually transmitted infections, that’s the only permanent way of affecting negatively a primary partner that you have, you’ll heal a broken heart, you’ll get over feeling upstaged and deprioritized, if there’s longevity and strength and security in the relationship, everything else that’s emotional you’ll heal from even it seems so traumatic, what you can’t escape from is incurable stis, to me I say, my deal is like look what we have to design around is that one thing and we can have our hearts open as wide as we want, and our legs spread and our pants off, to the world of everyone else, as long as we understand and acknowledge that how much faith do we really place in just using condoms, do we have boundaries around outercourse, or dry sex, or non fluid bonded sex, there’s ways to intelligently avoid the risk of stis, I know this breaks some hearts, and there were times when I was not willing to reciprocate this in my younger life, but by then I had realized the beauty and the nourishment of a diverse sexual, romantic, and sensual cornucopia of lovers, and patients and clients for healing, and friends, and the idea that would sacrifice all of that to keep one person from losing their mind, it was a horrific melt down of her feeling like she was losing me and losing control of me, I take full responsibility for what I did that was inappropriate, immature, not of high moral character in the process of how this went down,

we would still be friends, we would still together I would still be on that land, still be taking care of the trees I planted, all the life I brought to that land, I would still be stewarding that and would still be in her words the man of the land and we’d still be living happily ever after

I was showing her through my permitted actions what I needed to be happy, fulfilled, and doing my dharma

it came down to one moment that really shifted for me when I started to really branch out, it wasn’t because I was bored with her or sick of her

there was a video that was shot, my experience of modeling for a camera to do tantric session work with a total stranger to me in that day, when I saw myself in that footage, I’m not vane at all I have the least vanity about my appears, I feel unphotogenic, and as JS said, I have a face made for radio,

its not just oh im shy about it, I really break the lens from a lot of angles and I know that, I design my content with that in mind, its not like oh I need to be a star now but when I saw the video, tantra for couples using the five sense

I saw the energy, the level of focus, such a fan of Jean Claude Van Damme, loved his controlled, metered, measured, self contained manner, from spiritual practice and martial arts practice, the refined shiva healing energy you could see it in the grace of my movements

I may not be a 10 on the surface, with big muscles, perfect teeth, perfect smile, photogenic, a-list actor material, that didn’t matter, I could consider myself a 6 on the surface and what was beneath the surface was resonating and emanating so beautifully to my soul, I can really do this work and have it be really compelling, this really does confirm that this is my calling and my path, and remain open

I’ve never cheated, I’ve prenegotiated or precommunicated my intentions, ended one relationship before having sex with a new person, I’ve cheated emotionally if you want to use that dirty word that id on’t like at all, I’ve indulged myself in pleasures with other people emotionally that I didn’t communicate or invite my current primary partner to be a part of and for them to wonder about that was painful for them, still not technically a cheater, I have not hooked up with someone and had sexual intercourse with them without previously ended the relationship before them, I have that gold star on my shoulder for not being a cheater,

but she was not gonna go by the original agreements that we had even though I was not willing to renew the sacred contract, she could have had her take and ate it too, it was just really sad, if she would have been able to share tiny slices of the cake with the understanding that I would not be jeopardizing her health, and that I could have the discipline either not to do anything that could involve transmission of stis, or have barriers, or have testing done, there’s just so many ways that you can navigate that one ultimate deal breaker and there was just no negotiation whatsoever, so it melted down in a very rapid and ugly manner, maybe some day she’ll be on the podcast to ball break me back on that

it was a power couple par excellence, we were doing business together, living together happily, it was really tragic and sad that that happened, I guess this was the time for that story to come out, its relevant to current events because that was the peak of me teaching survival and preparedness, obviously I haven’t stopped living that way since I left, I’ve always maintained ample food, water supplies, first aid, kept healthy and fit, glued to the news, evacuation routes, positioned advantageous in terms of zombies, my career path collapsed losing that space, I still sold some supplies and kits, it really stopped when I had the sexual shamanic spiritual emergency, all that is to say it’s been 8 years since I was at that peak and I have done my solo survival, haven’t been imposing it on people either, roomates, that don’t give a fuck thinks you’re paranoid, every prepper knows what that feels like, family, co-workers, getting people on board its painful for everybody, and it takes those moments of oh there was an earthquake oh shit who do we call, now its time to take him seriously

it’s like you’re crazy paranoid prepper until one moment when the lights go out or there’s a tremor then I’m the savor, whatever, honestly we are like ambulance chasers, its like oh now you’re ready okay what do you have to put on the table, how much money will you put towards buffering this for next time, because it could be the next one big time

so anyone paying attention to the coronavirus outbreak, it will have an official name soon, exposing corruption in government response, digital quarantines, limited by gps, apocalypse 2.0 its crazy, studying this, trying to be ahead of it, maybe I’ll be one of the first to go, you never know, you could be the strongest person, with muscle, and twist an ankle and die in 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food, 3 months without love

those are your enemies and that is the battlefield, those time frames of conditions that can kill you so I could go at any time, all of my preps could be nullified by anything

but I have done my homework and due diligence, to have a clue and be woke about this stuff

now is the time for people who are having that acute moment of waking up to the vulnerability and all of our taken for granted, normalcy bias, it can’t happen to me

still cognitive dissonance around this virus, I don’t have the medical knowledge to have a strong opinion or a lot of facts to back up any claims about how scared anyone should be where ever they are, I know the places in the world where this is being taken very seriously, that is the sci apcalyptic experience, where everything that preppers do to be ready to either quarantine themselves, or escape the quarantine but do it ethically and go somewhere where you will be ethically quarantining yourself, but to be rounded up in camps is the preppers last, that is the ultimate thing to avoid, you’re subject to rape, search and seizure, being exposed to the virus, exposed to risk of incarceration if you resist or don’t comply, state’s measures are very corrupt

chinese doctor tried to alarm officials of the virus, is now dead of the virus, and was forced by police to sign some fake confession that he was fraudulently alarming the public

there’s been all kinds of fuckery in every country around these kinds of things

I’m not telling anyone to panic, it’s just for me, the modifications that I will make to my lifestyle are pretty minimal because I try to stay away from crowds anyway, I try to do more fist bumps than hand shakes, and when I hear some body snivel or cough I got into a controlled, germaphobic, hypochondriac high alert mode, of don’t touch your face, you can scratch your eye with your knuckle, your knuckle doesn’t touch door knobs, and when you cough and sneeze you can do it in your elbow

I’m not giving medical advice, for myself I look at this and go okay this is cycle of opportunity for me to preach and teach about basic preparedness, I guess what I will do to not be too heavy handed, I’ll put a link in the show notes to the podcast episode I did where I read that basic preparedness manual that has pretty much all of the fundamental procedural building blocks of how you can be better prepared for anything, when the shit hit’s your fan , not the fan

job loss, injury, cut off from income, its not just end of the world event that’s going to force you to institute your procedure and protocols for preparedness It could be something simple

it’s not gonna become the zombie apocalypse show, but it’s the right time to tell that story, so many mythical moments, I loved that woman, I loved that land, for a farm boy like me, that’s as good as it gets, it’s a damn shame the way it went down, but if I’m 80 years old in rocking chair and people ask me what some of the peaks of my life were, I’ll be like well, I’ll tell you story next time there’s a little tiny earthquake that makes you want to prepare for the next one, or next time there’s an outbreak I ‘ve got a story for you, this will be the story I tell

survival and preparedness getting back to the land it can be romantic it can be beautiful it can only get more polyamorous, it can only get less monogapathic, but for all intents and purposes if it was good enough for joan rivers, hopefully what I’m saying is good enough for you, to want to say yeah, what am I gonna wipe my ass with if there’s not a sycamore tree near by and I’m out of toilet paper, how am I going to look at ways to improve and enhance the number of gallons of water that I’m storing on site because a gallon per person for day is a low estimate of what you’d want to have if you were cut off from the main, or the main supply is contaminated, I think it’s worth it to take this moment to really figure out what strategies you may need to have in place

if martial law at any scale or you could just by happenstance, they’re quarantining people now all over the world, different directness of exposure to this virus, for all I know, for all you know, we could find out tomorrow that you were in a place where somebody had a confirmed case, then you’d get a knock on your door, and get taken away, don’t quote me, I’m not making official public service announcements, I take this very seriously, I ain’t going out like that if I can help

like everything else, it too shall pass, but even if it doesn’t graze your life and doesn’t put a dent in your routine, it’s a moment to commemorate

how often do you put yourself through the meditation of lights out, food supply cut off, income cut off, possibly being injured, possibly being infected, being affected by a war zone, unexpected disruptions in all that you take for granted on a daily basis

if you meditate on the vedic pantheon, you should also meditate on shitting hitting the fan, and shit hitting your fan

there was a guy who was the closest thing to a purple breathing hippie yoga master tantric on the survival podcast

there’s an anti-woo-woo bias, as you can imagine by the more conservative, libertarian, and to some extent more christian ranks of the survival movement, yet there is this interesting interplay of the bush hippie and jar head, the bromance, I’m in that dance

but there was this hardcore survivalist prepper yogi on the survival podcast, I’ll be reaching out to that guy

this coronavirus is a catalyst to do your drills, check your inventory, audit your physical preps and your plans, your protocols and procedures, and just be ready for things to get possibly worse, because of this virus or any other viruses, this is just another not so friendly reminder, goddess bless all the souls who’ve already passed from this virus, and let’s do our best not to join them in the big fema camp in the sky

namaste