Tag Archives: monogapathy

Heartfelt Honoring of Diverse Eco-Femininisms with Zanzibar TPP238

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Zanzibar pic

In this episode I’m joined by my dear friend Zanzibar!

About Zanzibar:

Zanzibar is a para-activist, tropho-autonomist donacrat who has participated in sissi-fraternal, progressional sociopercolation for decades. A dedicated Gaiaolatrat and femineurorevolutionary, glomp* has cotextured the trance-linguistics of metre and assonance over great calendrical longitudes. Glomp is a standing-wave emergence from anonymity who shelters in polywombic noir.

 

Coronavirus, Joan Rivers, and The Princess Bride TPP235

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Joan Rivers Reality Tv Show Permaculture Installation

In this episode I tell an epic survival romance story to commemorate victims of the coronavirus and urge folks to do their best to prepare for this and all threats to their survival…

Please listen to this episode for practical preparedness tips:
Basic Preparedness and the Prepping Pyramid TPP246

My (non-verbatim) Show Notes: 

2012 respected consultant on emergency and disaster preparedness and permaculture design

my partner and I landed a well paid gig for permaculture /preparedness survival make over for Joan Rivers’ Joan Know’s Best reality tv show, rest in piece, rest her soul, amazing important wise elder matriarch of the entertainment industry

honor and blessing to work very closely with her, for that day of shooting, brought out big stake truck, moved our chicken tractor, and mini pond, and mini herb spiral, faux backyard permaculture set up

there had been an earthquake in la, mild but enough to feel it, a few things fall of the wall, they might have captured footage of it during the reality tv show filming, the producers after that real earthquake said, we should actually do a subplot within an episode on disaster preparedness, what it would look like for Joan, daughter and grand son to do an emergency prep process

they had a scene showing they needed batteries for flash lights, doing intuitive inventory of what you need to survival, if there was a disruption of systems of support, critical services cut off, would you be able to render your own first aid, provide food water shelter clothing, they got footage of the family going through the motions seeing how unprepared they were

they went to an amazing local survival equipment wholesaler/retailer, it was like disney land for preppers, they were a company they supplied first aid kits, fire extinguishers, water storage tanks, tools, camping gear, I could go on, their catalog was like porn for me, you go in there and wish you could buy everything, just want to live there, if you were an employee and shit hit the fan you’d be stoked, they should have had guns though, maybe someone should establish a gun store right next door to defend it in a shift hit the fan

so I was living out this romance novel story out on this land, peak of a man’s love life, beautiful romance, crashed and burned in a very archetypal and mythical the arch of the whole relationships, set foot on her property to establish permaculture systems which she had wanted for years, just didn’t have the right person to help, there was an opportunity she put out to the spiritual community that she had this land and wanted to make it productive, I hit her up and said this is what I’ve been trained to do and I’d be happy just to have a place to pitch a tent

it was the end of 2011, lots of 2012 energy, wow if I could be bugged out on some land in the mountains where you’re tucked away in the wood lands, less zombie pressure, higher income bracket, going from where I was at the time, when I met her I had been doing an urban survival permaculture training center garden, I built on top of an parking lot at a big punk warehouse artist colony venue

I developed the rugged outdoor survival life style, in the middle of south central la, surrounded by gangs

I wasn’t trying to scam on her, wasn’t hitting on, it just kinda happened, I was attracted, I respected her, she was almost 20 years older, loved the heck out of her, we did beautiful things together

I was grateful to get the fuck out of the urban center, it was sweet spot, in the mountains, but sill close enough to the city to do gigs and stay in my band

but I wanted to live on the land focus on the land, first building my little camp, sproutables as stable food, I still have embarrassing footage of documenting the projects as they went along

as I got my camp established I started to make a masterpiece out of the land, did the permaculture design, set up composts, garden beds, earth works

this was my dream, that I had been cooped up literally in urban projects, now I got to have this giant canvas

I was filled with love and light, and at the peak of virility

I can’t help getting into the romance, we had this banter, it was quite charming

very much the as you wish, sweet wesley, princess butter cup, princess bride kinda thing she’s like a millionairess, owning her property, in a house that she built with her ex-husband, and with their ill-fated marriage and divorce left her with the house all to herself

a shamanic priestess in her own right, I was drawn for the ceremonial opportunities happening there

at one point she had been developing feelings for me, I begun my tantric path and was resolute in being open and non monogamous, doing long trial periods and setting up agreements where we put leases on each other’s bodies, not just permanent access, it’s gonna be metered out and we’re gonna hold true to contracts

that’s not the most romantic part of the story, sorry that’s my virgo, living and learning hard lessons of getting trapped in toxic relationship situations

she was thrilled to see her property come to life, thrilled clip fresh greens, harvest chicken eggs, she was a crack chef, holistic lavish parties

she was healing, in a cycle of healing with some issues that forced her to stop working, she was really actually, for me to come in there at a time where she had so much liquid capital for so many decades of her professional career, and I get there, having come out of the south central punk ghetto, having really figured out survival, minimalism, living outside, I had just come out of that sort of self imposed ranger school if you will, in some ways very extreme and comparable to that, in some ways I’m doing a disservice to ranger school graduates by saying that

I had seen of the colony reality show seasons, sophisticated social experiments, group of volunteers, strangers, with skill sets, put into social experiment of urban survival post disaster, constructed scenario, global pandemic outbreak, they were put into a survival theme park, they peppered in all these different tools and supplies and equipment, had to ration food, solar power, water purification, latrine, living quarters, defend perimeter, it was like a survival obstacle course staged by the producers, of course they hyped the sexual drama and politics, lots of stage, but overall done very well, really brought out patriarchal douche bag in one of the characters, they probably played it up but this guy played a real jerk, if they had a yogi there and they got that guy chilled the fuck out they would have been happier

I was fresh off the urban survival experience and watching the colony season, I wanted to put myself through that, the experience of deprivation, like a full time drill, I was on extremely tight budget, I was very very very poor financially, that was part of the drill, it made it all work

she was brought down to my level even though she owned property, the cost of heating that place, the water bill, commuting, family expenses, it was stress inducing, so for me to be able to come in there with very sophisticated simple and elegant techniques for living frugality, eating sprouts every night, and what I called ben feed, own trail mix, not paleo and bad for teeth and gut though, thought it was great that was no added sugar, but too much carb and dried fruit sugar, so not the best wisdom at that stage, but able to subsist

sprouting grains and legumes make them healthier, less toxic, less carbs

so between fresh chicken eggs every morning, fresh greens and herbs eventually fruits and some berries

I pretty much brought sustenance to her from my humble 5 gallon buckets and mylar bags, I was nourishing her and providing for her and at that everyday it was like farm boy fetch me a bowl of sprouts, as you wish

it led to a moment where she was commiserating with a couple of fellow elder priestesses about her empty love life, and I walk by them, when they saw me and they heard her talking about her woes, they said that’s your man, he’s right here on your doorstep

when we sat together and talked love the first time, I said, something to the effect that I’m like a reference book at the library, you have to share me

another thing she said was that she did test me though, there was an epic project that had to be and I knocked it out for her, and that was part of it too

also she said she fell in love with me when she saw me leading a group of other men repairing her teepee,

she seemed to have been sniffing out the alpha pheromone, though I’m not overtly alpha in terms of being agro or competitive

I felt it for her and she felt it for me, and it was negotiated to be openish, we had a sacred contract ultimately for a period of months of monogamy

we were successful, she was the sales and marketing and spokes model and I was the inventor, builder, introverted, designer, not people person

she was extraverted, our videos still exist where you can see how charming she is

it was the peak of our romance and success together, me building my wares and her selling them, legally registered by new cottage food law

cottage food paradigm shift

we were one of the first, we were rockin, had permaculture workshops, I was in the process of starting an officially recognized permaculture design course with a novel at-your-own-pace format for low income people

we had meet ups, workshops, other instructors coming in, weddings, we sold 150 amaranth seedlings to a wedding production as wedding gifts to all the attendees, can’t imagine how prolific those plants have been, amaranth is my spirit plant

glorious achievements, romance novel come to life

we started going to classes at that survival equipment store, I got my first aid training there, we went there together

we also did the cert training at the local fire station together

we were getting into tactical permaculture, vision of creating seed pellets to be used in airsoft guns so that you would know by what was planted where the kill zones were, better avoid where all the wild flowers were clustered

we had a legitimate, top tier tactical training marksman involved with the project, we started to draft out the ultimately survival permaculture tactical theme park design, motes, edible perimeter defense like sugar cane, blackberries, imagine stick fighting training with sugar cane, or chewing on your night stick while being a warrior defending your goddess temple community, sugar cane staff, for a bit of extra blood sugar if you need to run or fight, imagination runing wild, but it was starting to happen, archery, martial arts training gear, kicking post in the office, talk about warrior goddess temple, permaculture goddess temple, the whole 9 yards, a lot of people have beautiful memories of the time as well, it was epic

so we had started to work with the survival store, and one of our sex magic rituals yielded the mascot of the brand I had established years ago

she had to reel me in and tone done my zombie apocalypse rhetoric, she advised some re-edits on my basic preparedness manual to take out the zombie talk, smoothed out the edges so she could see to other high class soccer moms

I rebranded a more family friendly business card, and the survival store had the business card on their bulletin board, her handy work of getting the business card out to people

so the Joan River’s production crew searched for survival training, found the store, went there and asked if they do home consulting/installation, I believe they said no, but oh here’s this business card from those nice friendly homesteader folks that shop here and trainer here, so they gave the production staff the business card

we got a call, I didn’t even know who Joan River’s was, I think she got the call, and she seemed keyed up, of course Joan has a big place in my heart since space balls, but I didn’t know her name

she was like hey they want to pay us to do this thing on the show, there were some things they were pushing on that I thought would be poor representation, I was worried that we’d be made fun of, make a joke of, and my colleagues would tear me apart of I miss represented the art and science to the masses, preppers and permies can be pretty vicious in terms of political correctness, and one-upmanship, ego bullshit,

but I decided to go along with it, nothing was a huge violation of the principles and science, one thing I really didn’t like but let it slide

I don’t think I’ll burn in hell for selling out

the shoot went well, the chemistry was great, we lucked out, because it was 50/50 if we were gonna be the laughing stock, if you’re Joan Rivers’ laughing stock and she’s gonna bully you mercilessly with her lines, you’d have to have thick skin, I expected since were the crazy wingnut survival freaks, doing this backyard makeover

ultimately it worked out well, in our favor, because the whole series was that Joan had moved in with her daughter to drive her crazy and try to control her life with her humor and divaness, that was the premise of the whole show

it worked in our favor because Joan was authentically on board with us, she got it, she asked about our backgrounds, I said I’ve been a survivalist since I was on the street as a young teenager, saw dark things and had to learn to survive

and my partner grew up more holistic, ranch, rustic, agricultural life, farmer relatives, americana

we clicked so Joan even said you look good together, the most golden compliment you can ever get, what can’t you do if you can impress Joan river’s visually that was a huge compliment all thought one of her staff thought I was my partner’s son, lots of funny moments

they have a whole day of footage and only use a few minutes

so joan hires us to do the consultation and backyard make over and she’s thrilled and gung ho to have us appear to be tearing up the lawn, we’re going to be growing vines all over the place, build a chicken run, turn the pool into a living edible natural pond and fish farm, and so the great thing was that joan was totally on board with everything and stoked and gung ho, and the antagonism was with her daughter

the lines that joan said I couldn’t have paid her a trillion dollars to say, about when the shit hits the fan the neighbors are gonna be lined up down the block to get my eggs, we’re gonna be sustainable, and she was sincere, she was old enough to have a clue about self sufficiency and hard times

it was a beautiful experience, here we are now years later, 8 years later, no longer in that relationship, no longer on the property, I can only hope since we parted was in a pretty ugly meltdown, I love to hope we’d be able to not rekindle but reminisce on what was mostly good

it was pretty acute collapse at the very end after wild success in love and business and the sky being the limit, if what we did for joan rivers was good enough for her even as a joke that’s a pretty good endorsement, we did we teach for the local government emergency committees

got a business loan, we had a mascot, a brand, we were selling buckets of survival food, sprouting kits, trainings, its damn shame, it all comes down to monogapathic behavior, she could follow the letters of our agreement which gave me freedom to be a healer

I told her I was gonna be a yoni worshiper and healer and that’s my path and training before we met, and you’re gonna have to come to terms with that, it doesn’t mean that I’m even that I’m having sex with anyone I may be touching people they may be touching me, that’s where I really fine tuned my deal with women, looking at what are the actually permanent irreversible risks to having an open relationship, incurable stis, sexually transmitted infections, that’s the only permanent way of affecting negatively a primary partner that you have, you’ll heal a broken heart, you’ll get over feeling upstaged and deprioritized, if there’s longevity and strength and security in the relationship, everything else that’s emotional you’ll heal from even it seems so traumatic, what you can’t escape from is incurable stis, to me I say, my deal is like look what we have to design around is that one thing and we can have our hearts open as wide as we want, and our legs spread and our pants off, to the world of everyone else, as long as we understand and acknowledge that how much faith do we really place in just using condoms, do we have boundaries around outercourse, or dry sex, or non fluid bonded sex, there’s ways to intelligently avoid the risk of stis, I know this breaks some hearts, and there were times when I was not willing to reciprocate this in my younger life, but by then I had realized the beauty and the nourishment of a diverse sexual, romantic, and sensual cornucopia of lovers, and patients and clients for healing, and friends, and the idea that would sacrifice all of that to keep one person from losing their mind, it was a horrific melt down of her feeling like she was losing me and losing control of me, I take full responsibility for what I did that was inappropriate, immature, not of high moral character in the process of how this went down,

we would still be friends, we would still together I would still be on that land, still be taking care of the trees I planted, all the life I brought to that land, I would still be stewarding that and would still be in her words the man of the land and we’d still be living happily ever after

I was showing her through my permitted actions what I needed to be happy, fulfilled, and doing my dharma

it came down to one moment that really shifted for me when I started to really branch out, it wasn’t because I was bored with her or sick of her

there was a video that was shot, my experience of modeling for a camera to do tantric session work with a total stranger to me in that day, when I saw myself in that footage, I’m not vane at all I have the least vanity about my appears, I feel unphotogenic, and as JS said, I have a face made for radio,

its not just oh im shy about it, I really break the lens from a lot of angles and I know that, I design my content with that in mind, its not like oh I need to be a star now but when I saw the video, tantra for couples using the five sense

I saw the energy, the level of focus, such a fan of Jean Claude Van Damme, loved his controlled, metered, measured, self contained manner, from spiritual practice and martial arts practice, the refined shiva healing energy you could see it in the grace of my movements

I may not be a 10 on the surface, with big muscles, perfect teeth, perfect smile, photogenic, a-list actor material, that didn’t matter, I could consider myself a 6 on the surface and what was beneath the surface was resonating and emanating so beautifully to my soul, I can really do this work and have it be really compelling, this really does confirm that this is my calling and my path, and remain open

I’ve never cheated, I’ve prenegotiated or precommunicated my intentions, ended one relationship before having sex with a new person, I’ve cheated emotionally if you want to use that dirty word that id on’t like at all, I’ve indulged myself in pleasures with other people emotionally that I didn’t communicate or invite my current primary partner to be a part of and for them to wonder about that was painful for them, still not technically a cheater, I have not hooked up with someone and had sexual intercourse with them without previously ended the relationship before them, I have that gold star on my shoulder for not being a cheater,

but she was not gonna go by the original agreements that we had even though I was not willing to renew the sacred contract, she could have had her take and ate it too, it was just really sad, if she would have been able to share tiny slices of the cake with the understanding that I would not be jeopardizing her health, and that I could have the discipline either not to do anything that could involve transmission of stis, or have barriers, or have testing done, there’s just so many ways that you can navigate that one ultimate deal breaker and there was just no negotiation whatsoever, so it melted down in a very rapid and ugly manner, maybe some day she’ll be on the podcast to ball break me back on that

it was a power couple par excellence, we were doing business together, living together happily, it was really tragic and sad that that happened, I guess this was the time for that story to come out, its relevant to current events because that was the peak of me teaching survival and preparedness, obviously I haven’t stopped living that way since I left, I’ve always maintained ample food, water supplies, first aid, kept healthy and fit, glued to the news, evacuation routes, positioned advantageous in terms of zombies, my career path collapsed losing that space, I still sold some supplies and kits, it really stopped when I had the sexual shamanic spiritual emergency, all that is to say it’s been 8 years since I was at that peak and I have done my solo survival, haven’t been imposing it on people either, roomates, that don’t give a fuck thinks you’re paranoid, every prepper knows what that feels like, family, co-workers, getting people on board its painful for everybody, and it takes those moments of oh there was an earthquake oh shit who do we call, now its time to take him seriously

it’s like you’re crazy paranoid prepper until one moment when the lights go out or there’s a tremor then I’m the savor, whatever, honestly we are like ambulance chasers, its like oh now you’re ready okay what do you have to put on the table, how much money will you put towards buffering this for next time, because it could be the next one big time

so anyone paying attention to the coronavirus outbreak, it will have an official name soon, exposing corruption in government response, digital quarantines, limited by gps, apocalypse 2.0 its crazy, studying this, trying to be ahead of it, maybe I’ll be one of the first to go, you never know, you could be the strongest person, with muscle, and twist an ankle and die in 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food, 3 months without love

those are your enemies and that is the battlefield, those time frames of conditions that can kill you so I could go at any time, all of my preps could be nullified by anything

but I have done my homework and due diligence, to have a clue and be woke about this stuff

now is the time for people who are having that acute moment of waking up to the vulnerability and all of our taken for granted, normalcy bias, it can’t happen to me

still cognitive dissonance around this virus, I don’t have the medical knowledge to have a strong opinion or a lot of facts to back up any claims about how scared anyone should be where ever they are, I know the places in the world where this is being taken very seriously, that is the sci apcalyptic experience, where everything that preppers do to be ready to either quarantine themselves, or escape the quarantine but do it ethically and go somewhere where you will be ethically quarantining yourself, but to be rounded up in camps is the preppers last, that is the ultimate thing to avoid, you’re subject to rape, search and seizure, being exposed to the virus, exposed to risk of incarceration if you resist or don’t comply, state’s measures are very corrupt

chinese doctor tried to alarm officials of the virus, is now dead of the virus, and was forced by police to sign some fake confession that he was fraudulently alarming the public

there’s been all kinds of fuckery in every country around these kinds of things

I’m not telling anyone to panic, it’s just for me, the modifications that I will make to my lifestyle are pretty minimal because I try to stay away from crowds anyway, I try to do more fist bumps than hand shakes, and when I hear some body snivel or cough I got into a controlled, germaphobic, hypochondriac high alert mode, of don’t touch your face, you can scratch your eye with your knuckle, your knuckle doesn’t touch door knobs, and when you cough and sneeze you can do it in your elbow

I’m not giving medical advice, for myself I look at this and go okay this is cycle of opportunity for me to preach and teach about basic preparedness, I guess what I will do to not be too heavy handed, I’ll put a link in the show notes to the podcast episode I did where I read that basic preparedness manual that has pretty much all of the fundamental procedural building blocks of how you can be better prepared for anything, when the shit hit’s your fan , not the fan

job loss, injury, cut off from income, its not just end of the world event that’s going to force you to institute your procedure and protocols for preparedness It could be something simple

it’s not gonna become the zombie apocalypse show, but it’s the right time to tell that story, so many mythical moments, I loved that woman, I loved that land, for a farm boy like me, that’s as good as it gets, it’s a damn shame the way it went down, but if I’m 80 years old in rocking chair and people ask me what some of the peaks of my life were, I’ll be like well, I’ll tell you story next time there’s a little tiny earthquake that makes you want to prepare for the next one, or next time there’s an outbreak I ‘ve got a story for you, this will be the story I tell

survival and preparedness getting back to the land it can be romantic it can be beautiful it can only get more polyamorous, it can only get less monogapathic, but for all intents and purposes if it was good enough for joan rivers, hopefully what I’m saying is good enough for you, to want to say yeah, what am I gonna wipe my ass with if there’s not a sycamore tree near by and I’m out of toilet paper, how am I going to look at ways to improve and enhance the number of gallons of water that I’m storing on site because a gallon per person for day is a low estimate of what you’d want to have if you were cut off from the main, or the main supply is contaminated, I think it’s worth it to take this moment to really figure out what strategies you may need to have in place

if martial law at any scale or you could just by happenstance, they’re quarantining people now all over the world, different directness of exposure to this virus, for all I know, for all you know, we could find out tomorrow that you were in a place where somebody had a confirmed case, then you’d get a knock on your door, and get taken away, don’t quote me, I’m not making official public service announcements, I take this very seriously, I ain’t going out like that if I can help

like everything else, it too shall pass, but even if it doesn’t graze your life and doesn’t put a dent in your routine, it’s a moment to commemorate

how often do you put yourself through the meditation of lights out, food supply cut off, income cut off, possibly being injured, possibly being infected, being affected by a war zone, unexpected disruptions in all that you take for granted on a daily basis

if you meditate on the vedic pantheon, you should also meditate on shitting hitting the fan, and shit hitting your fan

there was a guy who was the closest thing to a purple breathing hippie yoga master tantric on the survival podcast

there’s an anti-woo-woo bias, as you can imagine by the more conservative, libertarian, and to some extent more christian ranks of the survival movement, yet there is this interesting interplay of the bush hippie and jar head, the bromance, I’m in that dance

but there was this hardcore survivalist prepper yogi on the survival podcast, I’ll be reaching out to that guy

this coronavirus is a catalyst to do your drills, check your inventory, audit your physical preps and your plans, your protocols and procedures, and just be ready for things to get possibly worse, because of this virus or any other viruses, this is just another not so friendly reminder, goddess bless all the souls who’ve already passed from this virus, and let’s do our best not to join them in the big fema camp in the sky

namaste

The Revolt of the Cum Slaves with Bitch Goddess Grace Diaz TPP209

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Grace Diaz Pic

In this episode I’m joined by Grace Diaz who is standing strong in her Bitch Goddess power to tell a story of rebellion against the forces of patriarchal narcissism, manipulation, intimidation, and abuse. In this scandalous sexpose, she takes a constructive, conscious,  proactive approach to raising awareness about the larger cultural issues. Her demands for justice transcend her own personal gain, and she’s working to support and liberate all women.

The issues that are brought up are raw and extreme, but the sad truths must be brought to the light. I bow down to her courage to speak out, and it’s an honor to hold space on the podcast for her to share her story. We’ve been through a lot of powerful material together on the podcast and our sense of solidarity increases every time.

About Grace:

My passion of healing began at the age of ten, when my father, a Reiki Master of 20 years initiated me as a Reiki Master in Medellin, Colombia. For years after arriving back to the United States, I began teaching Usui Reiki all over the east coast.

Reiki lead me to Tantra. I was introduced to Shakti-Pakti-Tantric-Yoga by my Guru Tafari Sudra, in 2011, and it allowed me to heal my 10-year eating disorder. Our organization, YONI GRACE, LLC was birthed in 2012 when I felt the burning need to share the wisdom I was experiencing through Yoni Breathing.

In 2012 Grace began distributing Yoni Eggs wholesale worldwide and teaching thousands of women how to run a Yoni Egg business from home!

Grace hosts Yoni events in the Las Vegas area and internationally. In 2016, she was privileged to be hosted in Istanbul, Turkey. There, Grace and 35 Muslim women participated in a weekend workshop of the Yoni Egg practice with Yoni Yoga. Her classes are one of a kind and focus on helping women embrace their innate sensual wisdom for spiritual and physical wellness.

Please visit her website at:
https://yonigrace.com/  

AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear beloved’s welcome to Tantra Punk podcast episode number 2 0 9 this is a very interesting show again with Grace Diaz who is going to tell all in a sort of very a very scandalous sort of sex pose a talking about issues that she has been confronting that or you could say or within and Beyond the me-too movement and different experiences and insights having overcome some pretty heinous treachery on the part of an individual who will remain unnamed but who she is in a sort of psychic battle with for the soul retrieval shamanic healing work needs to happen for her to restore her her true dignity and her her highest glory and grace as independent Sovereign woman in charge of your own destiny and I’m very proud to be instrumental however I can to support that process for all women and certainly I am a a defender of the only Temple because I myself have been a Survivor and in ways have been violated and abused in and taking advantage of often or in many ways that women who have been victimized and who are survivors have so I have that compassion I have that ability to commiserate and I also am on a path of personal healing and transformation that would continue to inform me about the importance of composting the patriarchy starting with myself and really figuring out ways that I can always be getting stronger hopefully always be getting wiser but also be giving back and also be helping in any way I can and just hoping for the best sort of case studies and caseloads to be applying myself too and I think that Grace’s is absolutely outstanding as one of the women who I dearly respect and honor and believe in the work she’s doing is so important to where she’s doing and I feel like when you tell we need to give prayers and help part the seas to make this path of empowerment and Liberation continue smoothly and for all of the all of the forces that are working against this movement of Liberation for them to be on all the forces seen and unseen for them to be really bound and and kept really in a place of safe distance for their own healing and transformation in processing so that there’s not a constant depletion of energy having to fight all these uphill battles with the Patriarchs who have so much the the the game board skewed and their favorites like such a rigged game in this casino of patriarchy and the more you peel back the onion just the more Sinister it gets so this episode gets into some pretty raw territory and I hope you can bear with it and understand that this is serious business in you know you start taking on these Empires and you got to watch your back so send his prayers with do this together like do you like the revolts of the dancers at the Jabba the Hutt bar and be like Princess Leia and use that chain let’s use those change to choke out our oppressors and give free all right with that said thank you very much enjoy the show Namaste good morning I’m glad I am live on my YouTube I made it my dogs don’t bark in the background how are you been I’m doing very well yes so that’s exciting new developments going on and just thrilled to be alive and just thrilled to hear about this expose that she have planned and I’m trying to think about what to call it it’s as trying to think of something like mess with a bitch goddess and you get the… I can say this now because I didn’t have I don’t have this password anywhere but literally one of my password was I’m a bitch goddess yeah make it make your passwords or a long complex daily affirmation that only you understand that’s a good one Beauty forced to give the positive reinforcement I like it okay so let’s talk about it so I got my letter in the mail so I’m going to fill in everybody who doesn’t know what’s going on when I’m talkin about I know you know the details so I’m going to just cover in a really you know like just just so everybody knows what’s going on so I was in a relationship for 6 years I was pretty much unaware that the disproportionate power dynamics were a problem I at the time when I was in relationship to this person who you know like the whole thing with the with a female movement and and fighting against like a charcoal abusive power like I was cool with they’re being disproportionate power dynamics because I thought that I joined that power source and it was going to be and it was like my power to you know what I mean like I didn’t know that that power is going to be used against me and so a lot of people say and I’m talking about an older gentleman that you know a prominent attorney in in Maryland former judge and I was in relationship to him for 6 years very beautiful relationship until I really started discovering the like I was I was basic basically a narcissistic supply for him and I didn’t know that I was a narcissistic supply for him until I stopped supplying him because I started growing beyond my young twenty-two-year-old naive self at the time he was like in his late sixties and so I was with him because I thought that he could help me because he was helping me and he was so adamant about supporting me and helping me go through school and helping me you know start my business and everything like that and so I thought that I was joining the disproportionate power source and I want to make that really clear because there are a lot of women these days that join it’s it’s like it’s like you joining an institution it’s like you you think that the institutions going to be on your side you know if you’re not here if you think you are you know what I mean and so that’s where I was coming from I was coming from you know like everything’s honest and transparent everything’s authentic everything is being spoken aloud between me and my partner and so I am just like many girls I believe you know who put themselves in these situations and everyone’s like no don’t do it like you so much older than you more money than you he has so much more legal power than you don’t do it don’t do it and I’m like why would I not do that like she can she can really help me and he does really love me so you know… You’re the antagonist to telling me not to do it you know what I mean when really what a lot of these people are trying to do is really help you and nnn because this unfortunately did SKU against my favor and I am you know if you didn’t see my other coming out video I talked about a gag order that I received once me and him broke up and I unfortunately signed it under duress I was very I don’t want to go over too many of the details but pretty much that’s like the backstory and so anyway so I opened an investigation with this against the person because a lot of the behavior that they wanted me to hush about a lot of illegal activity and he was he’s just afraid that I’m going to speak out and so here I am speaking out because he put me in a position where you wanted to silence me two years ago by me being depressed about what to do about this having no legal aid or support at all and so I decided to open an investigation and put the power in my hands and really take care of this motherfucker so that’s the backstory well congratulations for stepping out in and breaking the silence and I know that all is divine blessings will be coming your way to help with all that’s needed and this is just the tip of the iceberg and it’s the entire imagix think of a Jabba the Hutt and I just think they were all in this Cult of Jabba the Hutt because this Dynamic with young women and club culture and I know it’s all throughout Vegas and you just see I’m in Vegas is sort of the the Dream the ultimate Global masculine dream of being able to be a guy who is successful in business or what whatever and then basically is able to have this pseudo Harem of of skimpy skimpy dressed model-esque women who were pretty much just either totally vacant mentally or they or even if they’re not that kind of have to fake it and play like that because who would actually be entertained by people in that this guy sounds like an actual like he has redeeming qualities and then he’s not the the the the lowest slug sloth of a of a male that’s ever lived which makes it more painful I’m sure because then there is some attention City to it and even more heartbreaking because if he was at if he was just a bastard through and through then it wouldn’t be it will be probably less painful to go through but this is what I’ve learned with my research with dealing with narcissists there’s three different kinds of narcissists there’s the ones that like Donald Trump it’s like out your face and everyone knows it and then there’s the covert narcissists like The Bill Cosby they talk about you know like morality that talk about empowerment empowering the community and then they’re actually like raping women behind the scenes you know and so that’s the category in which I would put this fellow into and he is a covert narcissist and even though he on the service doesn’t look like the lowest scum in my opinion I really believe that specifically these types of covert narcissist build their whole lives assembling a a portrait of how good they are because internally they believe they know actually that they are the lowest scum you know like that’s there at least obviously nope no human is scum like there’s no City like I personally don’t believe that any human being even though you may have done some of the worst things ever like on a soul level on a on a on a truce like the ultimate truth level every person has a spirit and soul and we’re here basically trying to demonstrate her lessons were here to try to demonstrate our understanding our our Consciousness pass you know the stream of Consciousness that we’ve been through for so many lifetimes maybe perhaps and I don’t believe that you know any person is is release come we’re just trying to figure things out and so obviously he’s not scum like deep down inside he believes he is like that’s what a covert narcissist really believes on a very unconscious level you know he doesn’t he doesn’t even know that he thinks about himself but that’s why he’s put his whole life and trying to be a legal superhero you know especially till like the black community and everything like that and and look what he was doing behind-the-scenes he would he basically and my my response to this investigation because I do have to submit a response to which is basically just talking about how all of his efforts go into selecting women to be with that are disproportionately less educated than them that are disproportionately significantly younger than than them like I’m 45 years younger than him you know like that’s a lot that’s a lot that’s like Beyond what’s even normal for like large gaps you know disproportionately like even even me being Colombian like like no one in my family knows anything about law here you know what I mean like no one no one in my family knows like the court system necessarily like how to actually like do things you know because we’re not really from here and then and I really do think that that actually is a turn-on for a lot of these you know that getting that narcissistic Supply getting that narcissistic Supply specifically for this person like that was that’s a turn-on to have someone disadvantaged to be with because you don’t pose a threat to them yeah I hear that mean I think it’s the same archetype of the whole mail-order bride thing and you know I watch the documentary all about how in Southeast Asia the new cash crop isn’t race anymore it’s young women and families will basically cultivate their daughters to be sold off either into urban brothels or there’s a s’more sort of what I would call a lighter form of sex trafficking and then documentary they show that end this Village in Thailand every year they have a foreign husband of the Year festival and men compete and they go there they go they’ve basically they bring the wives that they exported these young women they exported them out of their village community as a cash crop export products and then the ones that were the most well-to-do and whatever the most handsome or dashing whatever it is they come back in a group several and they come back with their wives that they took out of the Village Inn compete for a sort of crown and there’s a big party in Festival like a traditional big let you know that kind of Festival event and you see that that I think I watched that guy the interview he was like 3 time winner in a row or something like that and just take this is such gnarly Twisted abuse and you know if anything they should just like take all that power and wealth in literally don’t take the woman out of her family and Village and take his ass over there and have them a Keisha pekid by their Village back from the corrupt government he could actually help people instead he’s just parading around and taking her to Disney World or whatever so and fucked up a thirty-year-old now you know when I was 22 at the time and I was with this individual I basically I didn’t understand I didn’t understand how this could go against me like I didn’t understand the stage that I was playing you know according like Shakespeare and everything like I didn’t understand my stage like I didn’t understand that it was so our groneck then about this whole situation the most ironic thing is that I am a female empowerment like leader so it would get it like how could I not you no speak out break my silence against this mother fucking stupid gag order contract that really attempted to just Sally my work solely my you know my voice and everything and and so anyway and so it was you know I just I just really didn’t understand what I was getting into and now this this man I’m just so grateful that women are really stepping out women are really biting their voice because this is true like there’s so many needs to women and and I I don’t even like labels I don’t even like killing myself necessarily A me too but that’s really the category that I feel most identified with because I feel like this all happened in secret and my only voice is coming out publicly and talkin about it my only voice is to be able to say Hey you know I went through this and I right now I’m trying to fight it by holding this person accountable and what interesting actually about this individual’s response regarding this investigation that’s going on is that he’s really just trying to portray me as being hysterical as me being hysterical that’s really all he has he says that I’m trying to extort him that I’m trying to threatened him and all of that and so honestly you know whenever you whenever the disempowered party uses their power really was interesting about this whole situation now with the me-too movement is that now the power Dynamic is starting to be a little bit more even-keeled and that is so frightening to the other to the abusive party you know what I mean and so I’m just I’m basically just talking about this like even talk about this right now it’s like I’m a little nervous like I’m a little like but even just talking about it like I’m it’s scary you know what I mean and I’ve silenced myself I’ve gone along with the stupid contract for like 2 years and me finally get into this place where I can’t even talk about it even in this vague sense is scary you know and I didn’t do anything wrong I’m not doing anything wrong but I have this fear of speaking out against this gag order contract. I don’t abide by I don’t respect it I don’t believe it I was in such a horrible place and everyone knew it I had no legal support at all and so yeah and so basically you know me talking about this this is very very helpful and I appreciate it band and it’s a little scary but I’m very grateful that you’re letting me you know talk about it with your audience to so my viewers are saying that they’re bored with me talking about this they’re saying they’re bored I’m thrilled because this is this is the kind of fun this is the boldness that is that if it’s take if you worship the fierce goddesses then you will be emboldened and you will stop taking shit and you will let the sword of truth / down the Egos and the demon real estate the demons in and as far as I’m concerned you know this whole concept that you can use the apparatus of the state I mean I’m an anarchist and I believe that human beings are intelligent enough and and sweet-hearted enough to at the right scale of a village basically solve our problems collectively and have consensus in our decision-making did not have the shadow authoritarian violence backed forces of the of the Empire to protect the private property and wealth of elite classes I don’t believe in any of that shit and even if you got it from a doing good things if you’re going to use it to I mean I see this all the time it’s it’s rampant in the activist communities it’s rampant in that the punk rock movement that I’ve been in at everybody has every man every man has got their hands in the cookie jar of minors and also like I can specifically remember times in my life when I had a lot of young women all around me because I’m in a band and you know there’s this weird disproportionate population pyramid in the punk rock scene where it’s like most of the bands are made up of men and that’s likely changing to an didn’t beautiful movements right girl excetra where it where women have formed all girl bands and creative niches within the genre but but that was a backlash to but basically the standard. I’m in that in the music scene the name a punk is it it’s like it isn’t a pretty somewhat balance ratio of young men and young women teenagers who get into the scene when they’re you know when they’re rebelling against their parents and they’re going to high school and they’re sharing mixtapes and things to make it into it but then because of the inherent sexism in the scene it’s really only men who teach each other to play instruments for the most part and and so they dominate the the actual bills on the shows and they dominate just being the musician so what happens is because the guys stay in the bands by the time everyone else grows out of it by the time they get real jobs and have real families like they stop going to shows I stop partying all the time so you’re left with this this population pyramid where it’s like a lot of Aging Men playing their instruments being the rockstars and there’s no women who who follow them up that age curved it’s only man staying in the band so they only have access to all the time women so I’ve been in that reality for decades now and I’ve outgrown those you know that there’s there’s not there’s not a lot of women there are some and believe me I worship them their goddesses they’re bad asses vocalist and guitarist bases drummers you name it but they’re also fighting an uphill battle to not be raped and not being molested and abused and sexually be respected in the scene and I cherish them all and I’ve worked with many of them I play in bands with women and they kick ass and they fucking prick everybody to shame but this the point I’m making is that I’m from another sector this is like you could be the most self-righteous you know conscious political activist whatever and really most guys as far as I’m concerned don’t even know how to not put their hands in the cookie jar because it’s it’s so if that women can be young and seductive and they can be it in blacked out and there’s just like recipes for disaster everywhere it sounds like you had a not as debaucherous of a of a journey is I’ve been apart of what I’ve been a part of a lot of these abuse allegation Community resolution issues where we didn’t use the government or the state or lawyers because we were anarchists and we believe that we saw her Camino problems together as a community and people sometimes got beat down people some cat X got run out of town people sometimes were given opportunities to earn Redemption by doing service work in the community and working and rape crisis centers and actually getting re-educated from the ground up so I’d hope that there would be pressure from a larger community and yes the me-too movement but they scab that image when you saying that you feel you know nervous it’s like I think we’re at a Tipping Point where where the the thousands of little fish make that big one giant fish and together they all and swallow the one bully fish that was bigger than each of them individually right and thank you for saying all of that I am so what’s interesting is that one of the people on here just said so what do you want I think that’s a really good question like I should focus on what what do I want from that situation so what do I want from the situation so I don’t really believe that this covert narcissist ever going to apologize is ever going to recognize how much of a fucking bully he is how much of his patterns you know and in all of that I don’t think he’s ever going to acknowledge that in previously what I wanted was for him to cease this three-year timeline because I’m on the contract he specifically constructed a three-year timeline even after we broke up to have me hanging on a string because he purchased things for me you know I purchase a vehicle we purchase certain things for me that were really his and so he was just giving me money to pay for the things that she got me that I wasn’t ever responsible for paying anyway and so he just kind of was giving me little chunks of it 3 years out and you know I really argued to just have one you know just just close everything out just pay for everything one lump sum he could have done that but you can give it to me you got to just close down his account like the car payment for example just close that and so what he did was he did the 3-year timeline to keep me hanging so originally what I wanted was just get rid of that that 3 year timeline because it was suffocating me I couldn’t I couldn’t I just felt like I was under his under under his word like under his Timeline under his contract under his thing you know and I didn’t like that so what I want now now that this three-year timeline is pretty much over why I feel more comfortable talking about it is I just really want to share this message with women I really I really want to be comfortable sharing my story which I’m not still which is why it’s so vague and everything I want to be really comfortable sharing my story I want to relate to women that it’s okay to fight against the grain I want to call wish my book How The vaginal voice reclaim your story which is basically the story in more detail and lessons and and and breathing and had a really transmute at all that’s really what I want I really want at least use the lesson that I have all the pain that I have felt I want to use it in some way to translate it so that other women can kind of take my Consciousness and apply it to the bullshit they may be going through with other narcissistic you know Outlets other narcissistic men and women even so that is a very weird too cuz I think a lot of survivors of all kinds of abuse in trauma find that purpose and it’s the only way really to transcend whatever degrees of self-doubt or shame you know to it it’s take it takes a lot of boldness to overcome that shame for sure by speaking out about it but I keeping it inside and letting it Eat You Alive and you know I don’t I don’t talk about it publicly but I need to get comfortable doing that you know and I’m so anyway so I just want to say this to all the men that are following me cuz I have a lot of you know if you want to lift a woman up you will reap so much positive Karma I mean you will reap so much positive even another man children if you lift them up but if you if you intentionally strategize a way to suppress and oppress someone that is so going to come back to you like so much harder I mean this the person that I’m talking about May potentially not be able to practice law anymore I mean I don’t know what the consequences will be one of the specifics that I would like to highlight that is being investigated right now is that when I went when I attended one of his speeches cuz he gave speeches all around Washington DC and Baltimore actually really Nationwide but memes specifically in those two places so I went with him one time to DC and he was getting up an actual speech on police brutality he and I were driving back from the Washington Monument where he gave his you know his thing and he had someone else he was living with somebody else at the time you know he feel like a decade he was with somebody else already and I knew that already together for several years but he always wanted me to be quiet when this other person called because he was trying to give the illusion that he was always by himself obviously he wasn’t and so my phone made a noise in the car and I was already pissed at him it was already towards the end of our relationship and and so he he swung his hand at me and it smacked me in the face he was trying to I think you’re trying to get my phone or maybe he really was trying to hit me I’m not really sure but either way he smacked me in the face so hard that it gave me a bloody nose and so she immediately said it was my fault like the first thing you do if you have a bloody nose is you say my bad didn’t mean to do that that wasn’t what I was trying to do something that communicates you weren’t trying to do that you know what I mean at minimum if not apologize as well right he just kept on saying how it was my fault the whole time because he knows I should have known I knew my phone should have been on silent it was my fault so that’s what’s being investigated right now is was he intentionally trying to hit me you know what I mean cuz that would that’s the mean that would be a really big deal so because he didn’t apologize because he said it was my fault even at the time I I stayed quiet and I didn’t record it I mean four years I didn’t say anything because I just took it as he’s just angry just stay quiet just you know he’s just upset just you know it was a mistake but that was me really covering up all of this narcissistic skewed power Dynamic situation you know me playing along with it and so when I opened up this investigation also you know what fuck this I’m going to really tell tell the story like it really what I just said it just like this I reported it right and so that’s what’s actually being that’s I think the main thing what I believe is the main thing is being investigated from him along with many other any other things that I think should also go looked at but it looks like this is just being highlighted which you know is is fine I guess but yeah so what’s interesting is that this person even though he’s a lawyer he completely lied and made up a story and his response back about it that just made me look hysterical and he said that I was trying to grab the wheel and you try to protect yourself from me actually and that’s why he hit me I feel like a courtroom drama is such a theater of bullshit art anyway it’s just it makes me think of what you just said that it makes me think that it’s it’s a it’s a tragedy that the people who actually represent their clients and have to tell these ridiculous stories that are the that you know I mean I’m going to take your word for it because I just have that bias I’m sorry I take I take women’s words after I take I take one with the word what is it what’s that word you say not unquestioningly but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt in this in this case I give you the chance to the doubt and we’ll start there and then it and then it’s funny because I was just thinking right now so you just described your telling of that incident and it makes me want to see in a courtroom it’s like the future of of courtroom drama okay like you have a Hollywood production crew and they get models and actors in and it a whole production crew together to actually make a historical re-enactment docudrama of just that that scene and then after the after you get to show yours your docudrama this evening we get to watch his it’s like you’re screaming for swerving and people are like like women walking with the with their carriages and dogs suffer like screaming and running and having to jump into the fountain and oh my God yeah just like any narcissist portrayed himself like the victim and even though so not a victim I mean this man is millionaire I mean he’s very highly educated he’s in the position of power in the community he’s a mentor to like other officials in the community other governmental officials and you know it’s it’s really the biggest question that I have is why would someone like that want to be in a relationship with someone so societally disempowered like like myself I mean I was in a societal no position at the time like I was I was really a nobody you like what would turn you on like that’s what I really want to know like now that I look at it from hindsight like why would that really turn you on if you would someone like that and it’s because of the power Dynamic it really is what turns them on it’s that they have more power that’s it so has nothing to do with the other person right to have somebody be your equal obviously it takes half your power away when you can be when you don’t see them as your equal or they don’t stand up for whatever reason in your case not because you were extremely introverted or shy but probably more just that you were younger and figuring out life and you know then that’s another another for predators that’s I think you’re kind of yours it’s just it’s honestly Brown like it’s really disgusting yeah well that’s it’s really an and I was practically homeless at the time as while I was living out of my friend’s closet shuttle walk-in closet that was empty and I was that was where I stayed was with my friend I mean with interesting if I got it I got a question for you will come back to it so what’s interesting is that in this does have to do with my particular role in the situation but what I did which I hope every woman does the situation of really anyone who’s in a disempowered situation you have to use the tools are being given to you in order to lift yourself up and so I did start my own business he tries to take full credit for that he also tries to take full credit for my bulimia being healed you know he he always and that was actually one of the reasons why the breakup was was so like a seal the deal like he kept on saying to me you know I was really what I was writing my book and I started publishing it and I was talking about my bulimia being here. He started saying to me I healed it you know that it wasn’t it wasn’t you it wasn’t your practice it wasn’t anything that you were doing I healed and he said it so many times it was just so it just it just made me like see him clearly for the first time you know and so my advice that really anyone in a disempowering situation like that is really just to use whatever tools and resources are being provided to you use them to your benefit and I was able to walk away with the business I was able to walk away with more education I was able to walk away feeling in this order that I had I was able to walk away with more confidence with more understanding I was able to walk away also at with with with a reputation and my reputation it is working with women and now is working with men to doing the lingam breathing thing I just started doing that like a year ago but they’re saying leave the trauma well that’s about it so yeah so that’s that’s pretty much everything been you know I’m I’m I’m still trying to get comfortable talking about it I’m still trying to make cheese with the situation so the if we were to this is all say what you had a couple questions weren’t you know talking about what is what is it that these men in the end I think it’s just you know a kid in a candy store if you can get to that point I mean from my perspective I think what happens is most men in their horniest and most viral life years are also the most broke the most pimply the highest pitched voices and the most socially awkward and really unattractive to women as they’ll ever be so it’s really it’s a really bizarre mind-fuck to be a horny teenager and have no game and have only certain jocks with clear skin be the ones who get to be the prom King and they tend and they tend to do what people call peaking in high school meaning you think you’re that you know King of the Hill and you can hear the king bully or whatever the king jock and you get to be the prom king and you get you in the popularity contest and you get laid on you know on prom night or whatever but then after that you kind of go downhill and you just kind of lose your your mojo and you just join the workforce and you just reminisce on the old football days or whatever and you don’t really continue to strive and to achieve and to impress women maybe you’re locked into a sexless marriage and you know of any search Just For Men is about impressing women like on a subconscious level is that like whatever it is that like the power game like trying to get power I think you’re getting that you’re getting at it for sure which to me I have my psychoanalysis on myself and I can try to transpose this and and project it to a degree around me after my you know brother Circles of men’s groups and Tantra Meetup to know that it’s like the trauma I think with men is that because their ends up being a very disproportionate level of sexual starvation during your Peak years of sexual of what should be your sexual prowess and really only a handful of men get to experience that glory and then what happens is you just rot inside and you become obsessed and it takes maybe many failed marriages and many decades to become a professional success and then finally once your boner start getting soggy have money you have power and now your voice is a little bit lower your skin is in his pimply and your face isn’t do you don’t have baby fat on your face anymore and so you are becoming more attractive to women but also you have a SOG your boner and and honestly the aura of younger women in their Prime in their fertility Prime gets men’s dicks hard after they’ve gone soggy in 40 and above years so that is like this this weird kind of like sick joke that that Creator create Rick’s goddess I don’t know God whatever like Evolution whatever it it makes this interesting inverse situation and it really makes everybody lose in the modern Paradigm because if we were to acknowledge the Arc of male testosterone and also acknowledged The Arc of female fertility then we would celebrate older women being cougars and fucking younger men who are more Vero and we would celebrate older men getting your dick hard with younger women who are who are more fertile and that would solve a lot of problems are you interested in dating in your fountain of youth exactly you’re the Fountain of Youth there you go man who is making a lot of powerful decisions that I could be a feminine softener like I could saucin him a little bit because he was he probably is like he usually very hyper mess he let you know and he still is hyper masculine very hyper masculine and I did it it did turn me on to know that I was with a powerful man and I could be some type of Aid to him in my naivete well I will yeah I’ll tell you I’ve been in this is actually an awesome so we’re getting into some really you know I’ve got Goose Bumps thinking about this because this is the truth and the Heart of the matter that we have to explore to be honest as a culture about these Dynamics cuz that look at the Dos Equis commercial and I’m like yeah give me a fuckinbreak you know come on what is this really about is this guy or earned the respect of these women are those all his granddaughters you know what the fuck is going on here you know we all have that like sort of what the fuck is this guy doing at this bar with his 10 granddaughters what is it like you know what the hell is no ionic and it’s it it is really disgusting and disturbing because he used to an innocent with a narcissist will do to try to position his environment to mirror his power back to him and so he would say things like that to me like oh you know it’s it it turns you on that you know people see us and they think that you know I’m taking advantage of you and it turns me on to know that you know the real story and you know that I really take care of you and I really love you and I really all these other people were looking at us on the outside you know fuck them I was like that’s what I felt like I feel like this is proportionate power dynamics between us I didn’t see them because I thought I was part of his power now like I I thought I was he was part of my power and I was part of his power that’s what I thought with joining forces with him you know what I mean and in my naivete in my in cuz that’s what he led me to believe and what’s interesting is that he used to say to me a lot used to say you know I it’s about protecting me you don’t protect me baby it’s about protecting me for acne protect me when I would you know carry drugs with him and travel with him and put the you know the drugs up my pussy for him and do all this illegal bulshit with him he used to say Protect Me protect me like me take the hit like basically he was he was grooming me for years to take the hit for him you know and I always knew that and I hated that I hate that you would put me in that position but as the subordinate in that situation as the you know as as the the less or equal one I I would give you what you would say and I didn’t have family around me I think would also would also made him want to be with me is that I didn’t have family around me I didn’t have a man I didn’t have anyone around me you know I live around me a little bit of the time but she didn’t really do anything either like no one did anything like no one did anything and you know the whole the whole relationship with him grooming me to protect him so that I could take the hit if something ever happened I’m leaving out a lot of details that’s well that’s a very good stuff very interesting now I don’t think anyone forward after hearing about you shoving drug drugs up your pussy to protect the man is I mean in and I can commiserate because I will tell you I was in a similar relationship Dynamic with a woman who is ridiculously wealthy beyond my wildest imagination and I was in a relationship Dynamic with her that was very powerful sex magical power couple manifesting you know really the living the dream and she was almost 20 years older than me and I would say there was a real sincere beautiful love and adoration mutually going on but there’s also some subtle undertow currents going on of me basically waking up one day discovering that I had been tricked into being a come slave and that she was harvesting my seed in order to rejuvenate her Essence and that is something known to the Chinese Taoist and there are women who were empresses in The the more classical ancient age of Chinese sexual Kung Fu amongst the Imperial class and women were were known to actually like men alive with their pussies and kill them by sucking and Driver season almost dead I was like a tripled up and I had to go to hospital no it wasn’t that bad but you made you come like ever they all the time so nuts what will swallow it into the into the fine tissues it for a for vaginal canal and you know otherwise but you know mainly it’s it’s the way it gives you gets absorbed in Mexico older women are lusting and they getting these passionate make it into heat you know wild passionate fiery heat for the Young Bucks seed and the Chinese knew that it may take out get this the Chinese we have this it it’s something some people have tried to myth busted but supposedly there’s this mythical Cult of the white tigress and the white tigress Cult of essential Chinese types of yoginis you would say they understood these Dynamics and they had an astrological clock work of how they would ingest in I don’t know why but nothing just sit in their ass but at least they in the mouth in the vagina they were ingesting taking in male semen but they knew that they need to have a certain ratio of older more refined more semen retention men they were so they would have an older guy at a certain phase of the moon and then 10 younger guys at it another phase of the moon and basically they were figuring out how to like nurse themselves as if this is like a you know I mean it really is that guy that the semen is filled with nutrients that’s what is called Baby battery you know that’s not us that’s no joke another stick important nutrients in there and so it should be a beautiful Dynamic and when you look at what they’ve done with that culture you know they understood these things and if you were a man and you didn’t want to be you no SEC drive your semen you have to learn semen retention to survive the Wrath of the fucking and so it’s like this said that they call it the flowery Battlefield you know him and that’s how they eat that’s how they collided with poetic language of the war of the Sexes but sexual Kung Fu flowers Battlefield in are they had they had no, that’s for the Jade egg comes from when we were talking about sophisticated sex with Warriors we can figure it out again and you have kind of like yeah you’ve broken free and now you are like resurrecting that the power of the witch witches to actually run this stuff and I don’t I don’t blame her but it was sad because of a certain point I was like you know I’m learning more about Tantra I’m learning at that I’m getting to a point where I need to stagger my my release you know a little bit and so that was just to see if she lost her fucking mind as if I took away her heroin and it was just like she went crazy and it all went downhill and we broke up and it was extremely ugly and there was total Madness cuz you just wanted to come last that was a part of it then and then she wanted me to reverse my vasectomy in and I said no you are doing black magic and I can feel that you’re doing black magic to try to get Knocked Up by me so that you can keep me for around forever which I am I told you I’m polyamorous is not going to happen oh my God it’s like I hope I hope no one’s hearing this everybody to shut this off and deleted file or not we have got to come clean about these secret bedroom psychodrama the monado Pathak he used to do now since we’re talking about this so he used to say to me when we were having sex and mind you he always had to be on top of me always he always wanted to be looking down at me or you will say to me at the hot the climax of my orgasm he would say you know you want to get pregnant he would say you know I want to get you pregnant you know you’re my come slave you know your he was just sleeping ideas into me to make me fall for him all the time and then again making that power Dynamic more skewed as much as possible and so me being naive at the time I took everything he said no but he’s my man you know I love him he’s my man if he wants me to be his come slave I’m going to be home slave like I literally like I just took I didn’t think about anything he was saying to me as being a ways of positioning me to be more submissive to him to be I mean I knew that I knew that I knew that I was being submissive to him you know because he was my man and everything and and I loved him and anything you said to me I just wanted to make him happy I just wanted to make him give him what he wanted I didn’t see it as that black magic that you were talking about and so some of the things you would say to me sometimes some of the things you would slip in I would look at myself and be like does he did he really say that does he really want me to do that in me you would start talking about my friend you know you want to lick her pussy and like trends that I really didn’t want to do that with like friends I really didn’t have any interest in having threesome with or anything like that I’m so he would just slip things into me slip slip things in my psyche specifically when I was about to come like that’s really important you know and cuz you’re so you’re highly suggestible at that time like you can take any suggestion and in real you’re taking it in like your brain waves are or like sleep weight like when you’re dreaming there like your brain waves are in a much more you just absorb more when you’re in that frame of mind and so he would say that to me and now looking at it in hindsight he was really was just trying to brainwash me really you know I mean this was every day for years you know what I mean he always forced me to smoke weed before we had sex I didn’t want to I was like I don’t want to and I really do believe that now the issues that I have with marijuana like I really stepped back to that situation because he used to he literally stuff like physically coerce me like physically like he didn’t like push me but he would like to kind of would like even if he would just really like put me in situations and be like okay just take it just take a hit just do it and then he would want to have sex with me so that my mind would be even more open to suggestions from creep adelic shit and now I realize we’re going to have to name this podcast abolishing come slavery or you’re both of the come slaves cuz we both what your focus becomes today yeah okay alright fuck it is going to fly it’s going to fly just like that we’re going to we’re going to I was going to think of something very prudent and the moment you know she wasn’t on your team Edward and I would have died for I would die for him I would have littorai I love this man so much I was going to name my baby after him I’ll do a braid my baby’s hair just like his hair I was going to do all this stuff to just honor and commemorate him forever I was even trying to get a mural done of him on the side of a building in Baltimore that I just thought he deserved it that he did so much for the community but he deserved it but again behind the scenes he’s fucking up women did you receive the Malcolm X did you see the Spike Lee Malcolm X film with Denzel Washington I think you should really really watch that like really soon because that and show Girls as I mentioned before Showgirls will give you that sort of that cynical view on the the underbelly of Vegas for sure and kind of like bolster your your it’ll kind of inoculate you against a lot of the Vegas bulshit but if you see if you are shot Malcolm X it’s really a great film and you learn so much from it you know I can’t say from my studies how historically accurate is but it is really moving and like one of the things that they expose is this is the corruption of sexual excesses by spiritual leaders who claimed to have certain values and certain intentions and certainly preach certain values intentions but courser total Hypocrites and end up knocking up their servants or knocking up there just you know all these politicians Schwarzenegger it’s like it’s such a such a shitshow behind the scenes and and I think that you and I are or are seeking enlightened spiritual sexual Enlightenment within movements that at their best actually give us the tools to talk about this stuff and to be more honest about this stuff and you know I’m a little bit skeptical and weary of the country Colts and the the cult of personality around gurus and and what not but I do feel like it is the yoginis who are who are taking the power back and stealing the fire back and building their own temples in creating your own spaces where if you fix if I if you ask me where what would you ask if I had a conversation with this gentleman your cum Mass if you will I would say dear sir, Master I’m here to speak on behalf of your former come slave and and what we’re talking about now is like how you could have had your cake and eating it too and now you’re in you know some you know you’re in some some big trouble with with people who care about this stuff now but the thing that I would love to see is it like okay what if the women had the Deeds to the land what if the women manage their wealth collectively knowing that men are useful for physical labor some of them are useful for intellectual Pursuits and in service work but ultimately you know in a culture that worships the divine feminine life-giving aspect of Nature and the Oni and the wounded musically every everybody I mean women or in service to the womb regardless because they have to manage your menstrual cycle you have to manage your just rescuing like you don’t get a choice not to be a Yoni worship that your devotion is to your Yoni Temple you have no choice men have the option of whether to trash it and pollute it and abuse and rape it or they can be trained by women to have a sympathy and compassion towards the Oni and to actually devote themselves to building the temples that that that feed and nurse is stolen and in Steward the land so I imagine that a benevolent form of make sure where women are in as a sort of ecologically wise form of power that they would there would not be this shacking up to older men you have land and have money and have power but that power would not be granted to those men in the men would always be in a dynamic where they have to come and serve the temple to have to come and serve the goddess and they might get the blessing of a sexual experience if they planting of trees that day or Dig Inn recipes with build and rescue no cancel all of their effort and all of that you so you want to be you know like a hyper-masculine dominator will go dominate that pile of wood with that Axe and then and then will fucking Bayview down and and then we’ll fuck you fuck her brains out you know so that’s I’m I would ask the judge if there ever is a judge to adjudicate this matter to say can you please Institute matriarchal ecovillages for these men actually don’t take themselves in so they can have like an ethical you know what would it be you wouldn’t be a common slave you would be a cam princess to come Queen if I’m got it I’ve had I’ve had witches intelligently harvest my semen for Magical ritual purposes and offerings to their devoted. He’s so it’s like we can all become slaves if we devote ourselves property to the right you know the right being so you know on the other side of the veil but we we got a long way to go for sure this is the tip of the iceberg and you know if he in in his lawyers and the signs and errors and representatives and you already had it I listening to this. Gaston like you know I’ll see you let’s meet the stance on the astral plane and I’ll introduce you to some of the humbling dakinis who are going to make you want to repent you know and there’s hope I promise ya ya I loved it then so I really agree with everything you said I think the Met charcoal ecosystem is definitely the way it’s it’s a problem solver for many many problems not just come slaves problems but like the environmental issue I think you know the beauty of man like me being single right now in wanting you know like company and everything and and and you know I I I I still yearned a man like I still yearn to be in a relationship but I mean honestly like I just I’m at the point now where I’m really every man has their purpose you know what I mean just like I’m sure a lot of men who date multiple women like every woman has their purpose and so sometimes like you just most of the time we just need a man around like you said for intellectual conversation and a lift heavy things and I think that’s very honorable like I mean I that was what else what like what else can can we ask for you know what I mean like we don’t need all of this extra bulshit that you’re trying to do you know like that’s really all I need right now as I just I just want an intellectual conversation just like this and I need help lifting some heavy things and I would love to provide my Yoni goddess energy to you in exchange for any of the help she would like to give me you know well are we still are we still on the air do I get to do we get to Publix at live is that if I could I said official proposal because I said no and then and I’ve got like you know Mister the dream team of a stunt cocks and like there’s you need help I need a lot of help lifting things here I need to bring my trapeze in there’s a lot of women can’t make it by themselves you know what let me say this is going to sound a little random but honestly me going to this healing process I have been batting men away because I’ve just been here like I’ve been a little bit more short with with people like with my words and you know just trying to keep things limited cuz I’m I’m healing I’m not healing anymore it right now like I’m out of it but the first two years of moving to Vegas was brutal and and honestly you know yeah I just I just really I just really needed help I just really needed support and you know I’m I feel a lot better now I feel a lot lighter now but yeah I I still need help we all all women need a man even the lesbians and everything like we all we all yearn for that masculine energy to protect us provide for us in touch even if it’s our old masculine energy but it is I was starving for it for so long then I was so miserable for so long healing and trying to get over this trying to make sense of it and try to use the lesson and some benefits away and come out like a phoenix and make it work and you know we as I still want to be with a man Even though this happened to me even though I was traumatized even though all of this I stole urine I so would love it and I don’t want to go to a sperm bank I don’t want to have to go to a sperm bank 2 have a baby and everything like that but you know it’s it’s just like I mean I understand I’m at the I’ve gone through such a brutal initiation that I actually understand the women going to the sperm banks I understand the women the lesbians the bushes I understand that I really do I really do if I was not who I am and that was in some other situation maybe I would have stayed you know like a lesbian going to a sperm bank cuz I would have hated to be with a man cuz I would have generalized my situation to all men think of the boxer little bit I think I have a lot of gay men who are who are beautiful and who are obsessed with me and in a good way and I would love to have that proposed to them that they ate for a few nights of fertility out of the month that they be straight for pay and we get them in the mix because you know I’m clipped but but I can see that’s the thing like if we understand the opportunities in the opportunity to create a ritual around around conscious conception it’s not it doesn’t have to be like this this horrible curse of a contracted like oh my God I have to compromise so much just to get my biological clock that’s ticking me off faster and faster for women you know past 25 it’s time to get busy and it’s like I like to see a world where you don’t have to compromise any of your integrity and your sovereignty and leave your power and have your wealth and that you can have the designer motherhood to designer Parenthood within a community of Enlighten people and there’s just like a currency of love affection and sexual gratification that is not found by and nausea Mystic Street marriage contracts which only serve the state thus there’s a documentary called divorce court I think is what it’s called it’s all about it’s literally goes into the racket of how much money the state makes on the revolving door in and out of every marriage the state to accept money and they have ripped it there they read the whole thing so that all will give you these benefits so that you pay us to go into the end of the agreement and pay us to break the agreement we know there’s a 50% divorce rate for first marriage 80% on second marriages and it doesn’t get prettier after that End of Innocence yeah Gene Simmons from Kiss I watched a documentary he did on finance because he’s one of the most successful multi product line branding marketing Geniuses of the whole Remy’s the most enterprising Rock God ever more than any other good people just kill themselves with heroin and booze but he said in the beginning of his talk you said you know what’s the number one cause of divorce can you guys do you know what he said I said the divorce is marriage so number one cause of divorce marriage he was flipping the script just to be like it’s so doomed it’s so fatalistic like why even bubble and he said how shameful it is for society to accept this notion that for example like a young gold-digging wife and I don’t not see if not to say this to put you down but I think the same thing and something happened to Anna Anna Nicole Smith. I think she tried to like hijack the wealth of a super rich aging I think it was like an oil Mogul or something like that, or what his distinguished but basically he died so soon after they married because he was so decrepit when they first met that the courts actually said you know what we’re not going to give you all this money his family like please tell him I said no fucking way so that’s the end then I know there’s a there’s this hope yeah I I I believe that’s heard some I’m cuz I thought I saw a documentary in like the last 24 hours of her life or something and she was like taking all these shots and like oh my God I was just taking shots Lake oh she was it was like I think what it was was that she was representing some machine she was like taking like some kind of fat moderation shots or something like that and they were like causing I think they cause like an abscess and actually got infected and I’m really maybe butchering this so I would say nobody please you know don’t think I’m a massage this cuz I might put these facts but look it up if there’s a pattern that were talking about and this is like we’re getting deeper into these things that people are uncomfortable looking at and it’s like I know about this culture of of young women club club type stripper bartender dancers who strategically positioned themselves near the local football team so that they can be the one who gets knocked up and the baby daddy is Rich and she gets to take that DNA test to the bank and that was you know and like why wouldn’t you I mean if I were an intelligent cunning woman knowing that I lived in the skewed patriarchal situation I could shake it and get you know I pretty much turn a man’s head and like seduce him to impregnate me and I will be poking holes in condoms with pins you know I’m just being right but that’s like I don’t I don’t want to take you know that’s that’s that’s a fear and respect response you know that and there’s reasons why I almost refused to be intimate with a woman alone because I don’t want her to be a story about how I was there was any discrepancy you know in these situations which is a benefit like if we can move towards a paradigm where social sexuality is the norm then there will be no more he said she’s is there will be people who will be adjudicated the truth based on a triple entry Ledger of the truth so to speak like it’s not just what somebody says happened and what another person says that it didn’t happen it will be like we were all there that didn’t happen you know and then you just need to cool out but I think it’s just like you can’t go wrong with like eight handed massages while you’re you know making love I got it I just think that attention and so I respect the women like you were doing Yoni workshops with other women and their I’ve interviewed women have done nude yoga classes and it’s just like something magical happens when people adults in groups get just get naked and then they get raw and then I like while I don’t have to be fighting everyone I don’t feel so defensive and it’s just take some time and that’s what yogurt is good for and breathing and meditation and you get to that point where were you all feel like you’re one organism and you just want to be with you Joseph Pleasure P that octopus of pressure and like these creepy freaky things like the things that you’re talking about in the things that I’ve been through I would drag women they wouldn’t have a word attached to me and I would drag both of us out into the middle of the street to get witnesses can I get a witness funny vine Ivan I was a guy was a come slave yeah and it was like that if you if you only knew how legendary the public meltdown of that relationship was it was just like it was Jerry Springer on steroids and just the deceit getting worse and worse I had to literally run in the middle of the night to the edge of the property line to hope that the neighbors would see me screaming can I get a witness stomach hurts. We have a new pack it’s become slave pact slaves are definitely going to be a matter of like finding the people who are comfortable and have had enough of these traumas and privacy to like question I call it the cult of the couple or I might borrow that from someone else but I heard that term when I said yeah the cult of the couple that’s where all the fuckary happens if they call we were the madness happens in once you start opening up that container you know yes there’s going to be more Dynamics and possibly more drama but the thing is at least the drama will have more bullshit colors in more referees and people to say hope you’re you’re distorting the facts like you’re you know and just nonviolent communication goes a long way but but yeah we work yeah but the word last night I had a milk through it was in the Meltdown and it wasn’t totally of this would be we could melt through I love your neologism let’s melt through all of this bullshit together and I will I will come to the rescue so to speak and be you know a posting up for definitely part parts of my schedule as much as possible in Vegas for a lot of fun and interesting reasons but have no fear and if I if I have to like put some from somebody straight for pay or other straight men in the in the stunt cock rotation then you know you will be at the thought crossed my mind very organically for the first time and I am as natural as they come I mean I don’t I don’t like doing things in an unnatural way let alone comes conceiving a child but I’ve been you know what I mean. That was the essence of why me and my ex broke up was because he led me to believe for many years as you wanted to have a baby with me and you would say things to me like oh that gets my dick hard whenever I was talk about it you would literally say to me that gets my dick hard he was really just trying to deepen my pussy go deeper in my pussy open up my trust in him more and be more submissive to him and I’ll never leave him cuz I think he’s thought that I was just going to leave him to have a baby with someone else cuz our relationship was so it messed with the time you didn’t want me to leave and so I thought about it very organically for the first time it just crossed my mind and I am so not the type to go to a damn sperm bank I mean the way that a man the way that it would it would degenerate I would think like the moment you ejaculate the sperm start Sox’s oxidizing it starts to generate so it’s not even worth it even though I’m sure they have practices to fight against that and conserving but I’m sorry if anyone you know as an advocate and come on the show and talk about it but I think it’s really disturbing myself to like I want to have a baby like I want to I want to raise a child that I want to I would even adopt you know and so I burned anything literally I was able maybe I can just get find someone who went to the sperm bank and have a relationship with that like I was trying to really think about it I was like what do I do you know what I mean and I’m not even the tight then so I can’t imagine other women who have been in similar situations where you know I can’t imagine yeah I’ve will have actually helped the former lover of mine who was absolutely heartbroken that I got a vasectomy right around the time that we are falling in love and she said she would do anything to reverse it and she wanted so badly and I was honest and I said look you know I have like a II my jeans are like spoiled and polluted and ruined by some evil demonic hierarchy From Another Dimension and I’ve seen that so deep in shamanic ceremonies that I just know that it is my absolute duty to no longer perpetuate this DNA on Earth and like a monk’s make one that’s a huge that’s a spiritual thing to own you know I mean I’ve seen on iOS away that demons crawl on the family DNA bloodline the way like a spider web time alone you know so this intergenerational trauma is no joke and I see it as like the way that we humans are capable in our worst states of perversity towards nature we’re capable of really abusing plants and animals by domestic getting them in a way that really makes them unsuitable in the wild like we went over domesticate them and we make them weak and susceptible to pests and disease and we have to be their caretakers Ever After because of that that’s like sort of the double-edged sword of domestication while we are also as human beings being domesticated by entities from the Demonic realm and that’s why schizophrenia is rapid that’s why you have these degenerative disorders and all these things are basically the handiwork of entities that are farming us from the astral plane beyond our perception and put if you take a third eye opening psychedelic then you will see what is stowing away in your chakras and you might discover that like oh yeah this like pattern of sexual abuse in a family is actually a burrowing creature that has nested within one generation to the next and they for all we know they’re like hyperparasite they’re basically a hyperspatial parasite and so you know I know that there’s things like attached to my soul that I need to purge in this lifetime ritually through the Tantra and basically not let them have another generation you know I would not let them have that low-hanging fruit like they already cracked and hacked the DNA of my bloodline when I asked my mother about like hay like what have you not told me about a lot of things you don’t she’s like yeah basically everyone our family has problems you know I think my mother was abused as I think that it’s like well I’m about to shine a light on all this bullshit and part of it is like being responsible so if I were you I mean I say we go on a world tour of the humblest most Serene indigenous villager populations of people who have been making Ayahuasca for thousands of years and look in their eyes and you see the purity of their soul and if they would do you the favor of allowing a fresh Soul strain to be repopulated you your room then we might have a chance but like you know I’ve listen to Catholic Exorcist who I take very seriously because it’s busy as loony as they might be you know they have some some perspective on the truth and one of them this guy Brother Carlos who has that got demons website I just absolutely love him because he’s like the Chris Farley Exorcist she’s like totally like an over-the-top like slapstick comedian ridiculous but but he takes very seriously and when you say something like that all humans have demons except for Jesus Christ because he was the Immaculate Conception in other than that I don’t know you said Adam and Eve and Jesus Christ were the only humans who don’t have demons because we inherit demons from our ancestors and from our parents not to mention any said demons enter freeways one inherited through your bloodline to you did something evil and you invited them into an evil act that contract with them or should I get something negligent and naive and ignorant a man and One locking himself out and raping his own and being possessed though he may not feel like he his Free Will was involved then his negligence allowed for entities from the Demonic realm to possess him and therefore intend to him and it’s not going to be it’s not going to be easy to do that removal work and so if you’re an exorcist you an exterminator and you know how these things function and you know how they brew and you have to do is squeeze the last of them with all of your all your might you know in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ I cast you into the abyss that’s what he could have like a million times a day and I don’t know if it works but I will tell you what like some deep territory what it looks like to have conscious conception and to protect that contain of the Egyptians they knew about this that thing how to ritualize the protection of the womb space population and the intention for conception because that is a you’re bleeding and in this week coming in shark-infested loans Interstate know when we’re getting it on that’s why they afraid of masturbation they do know that when when you raise that arousal energy hitting the dinner bell to all of those dark horses how do you how do you invite the Holy Spirit accompany me to the bedroom and you can have that love and go up that is a whole nother conversation for another episode that really that’s the essence of what why I’m here doing any of this it’s like we have got to get really honest about abuse abuse that happened and only we’re going to do is to talk about it come together and support each other and really compensate for each other’s weaknesses and and like not exploit each other’s weaknesses but actually like really authentic Lee don’t like meet you with your needs where you’re at if your young woman if you’re an old woman you know if you were a email frigid if you have vaginismus if you remember so many things that affect the womb so many things affect women in like the last thing you need is like some guy to come in and manipulate you and trample you and caress you and leave you like worse off than he found you and like back after thinking you took a step forward you know that’s why we got a break so can you hear me by the way then yeah I can still hear you I think you know I’m sorry that was a long rat what I have to do and I love it I love it I just I think that’s the connection breaking because I actually left my home but but like I heard what you’re saying it and it is really appropriate for what we’re talking about later because the connection is breaking up and I think it is because I left yeah that’s that’s cool I think we’re well beyond the healthy stopping point and it was there a stretch but I think it was worth putting especially if anybody who is like your enemy now because of what you’re doing I would love for this if it’s fucking a let’s all talk about all those kids so thank you very much we need we need to make another conversation about this because the humans are was ruining everything indeed yes indeed by yeah that’s a nice to finger and so is there anything that you would you like to have the editorial if you want to hear this you can just double-check know do you want to have that final Eden Prairie reviews The Shocker right if you want we can do that I will not understand until you hear my edit am I you can okay cool alright then well then it’ll be a couple who love you too. Take care of this going to be out in a couple days thank you thank you for listening to the touch upon podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to see me and if you want to podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple after bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Archer Park. Com Damas de

Living the Dreams and Nightmares of Open Relationships with Mac Styles TPP206

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Mac Styles Pic

In this episode I’m joined by a new friend and fan of the podcast Mac Styles for an epic adventure into the deep mysteries of love, relationships, romance, jealousy, multiple partners, threesomes, marriage, family, and beyond. His book Sex, Chicken and CoCo Butter chronicles his journey of standing up to the limiting dominant sexy paradigm, and literally fighting for his life in the struggle to love and live freely.

We get a behind the scenes look at the mechanics of opening up a relationship and able able to learn from his hard lessons and apply his wisdom to our own experiments and explorations into more wild and free love styles.

I had a great time going along for the ride, his story contains all the makings of a great adult comedy movie, sit com, talk show, reality show, etc. I can’t wait to see the book grow in popularity and help countless people develop more holistic strategies to get their sexual, emotional, financial, and spiritual needs met.

About the book:

Sex, Chicken and CoCo Butter is a narrative taken from the pages of the author’s journals during the five years of learning about different sex lifestyles, including: BDSM, polyamorous, and swinging. Streaming from sex addiction he and his wife at the time, went through a lot of trials and tribulations creating events you couldn’t believe. The author generously opens up his life and relationships to showcase for readers the power relationships with people can have in their lives. The stories talk about people in different sexual lifestyles and life experiences to show a practice not so uncommon and with mistakes that shouldn’t be repeated. The author’s viewpoint will help readers look at their own lives and relationships who practice different sexual lifestyles. The book is definitely not all positive vibes, the author shares many parts of life that are downright hard, and will deepen the impact of a positive outlook on the reader’s relationships. First time author Mac Styles lived every moment on every page of this story and now leads a more relaxed life taking the lessons learned, studying more about these different sex styles, moving on with his life and practicing building healthier relationships.

Facebook page:  www.facebook.com/authormacstyles

You can buy on amazon here! https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Chicken-CoCo-Butter-Styles/dp/1097724883

About Mac:

Originally from Fresno California Mac grew up with a love for writing. Though a difficult childhood he experienced many difficult experiences, witnessing rapes, deaths, and drugs. Masters in Homeland Security, Bachelors in Organizational Management of Criminal Justice, and Certification in Human Resource he has made it far past he ever thought he would as a 10th grade drop out. His writings are taken from his personal life but surrounding his relationships and sexual frustrations, formed in a way to take you on a journey with him. Joining the military at the age of 19 travelled the world and experienced different cultures with a woman whom he also married at the age of 19.

Mac suffered in his relationships due to a sexual addiction that plagued his relationships because of a lack of understanding and experience. Though guidance and mediation being able to channel that energy and focus it in a positive manner has inspired his writings in hopes to have people understand relationships are stronger than you could believe if honesty and sincerity is the base.

Through the last 5 years Mac has practiced BDSM and polygamous relationships and recently over the last 2 years shown an interest in tantra and energy work. Being deployed overseas has been challenging but through different mentors in Europe and a strong passion for understanding he seeks to spread what he has learned to prevent the mistakes he’s done in the past.

AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello their beloveds welcome to Township on podcast episode number 206 that being joined by a Mack Stiles and he has been a fan of the podcast and we’ve he said some some kind words and reached out and I’m always interested in having folks who honor me with their kind of tension to share feel like they have a form to share the projects are working on until I get some feedback and hopefully some some attention from the audience and so with that said Mac thank you for joining me excited to hear about what you’re working on and and your backstory Beth amazing Gaston I’ve learned so much from you and I appreciate the offer on your podcast I wrote a book about my introduction into the lifestyle and it was really it expanded into so many different directions I started out as you would say walking around in the dark so to speak on not knowing which way to go as a young adolescent I got married at really young age are married at 18 because of the military so I had to bring my girlfriend with me so we moved into went to high school and went to Spain travel the world saw things but I just wasn’t wasn’t happy sexually if there was no communication between me and my wife and I just kind of logged all that as as we’ve been through and it turned into be pretty good look I’m getting good feedback and I’m returning to be a Lessons Learned book on what not to do and its raw form I was in writing the book you know I I was going to have somebody to chop it up a lot and edit it and everything but I kept in their claws for I’m just checking to see what you get out of the book is really from a Tuesday on an introduction into Queen Polly Polly life and BDSM that sounds great so yeah you know it’s good to hear that there’s people out there who actually showing some of the Shadow men certainly the struggles to get to that point so do you want to tell us kind of give us an overview of the contents of the book and some zoom into some of the highlights from the the journey to opening up and I’m and how are you all reconciled or didn’t reconcile the lifestyle change I’m so the the journey really really really begins when I meet when we go when I travel back to the FaceTime you another woman my wife at the time we had everything like we had the money we have the car as we had an amazing house six-bedroom house do you know that you had kids and all aspects of the world we were living the American dream but I we weren’t communicating with us every time we would get something in return to a fight and you see that in the book so really as soon as I found someone that was open and gave me the power to do what I wanted that it was like a magnet and all she needed to say was I think you need to tie me up and I was on it and you know Google is amazing if you know that look for but if you don’t know what to do and your girlfriend tells you say I think is it time yet the first thing normal people do regular people do would be go to Pornhub or spec site and and try to study what they were doing so there’s there was no real education for me in this realm I was just kind of going off of it and you’ll see later in the book that I found a mentor and then I have the Battle of fighting my ego and listening to everyone in their twenties and early thirties think they know it all so to speak so I’m I go through a process of learning and eventually now I’m a lot calmer cuz of Tantra meditation and and listen to the other plate other podcast study more about what I was doing wrong on the reconciliation I eventually for the divorce mostly because of the separation or I have been done been deployed now for four years and was just wasn’t getting any better so I still love her I love her to death. I have nothing but good things for I want the best for my my beautiful girls at two beautiful girls so I wish nothing but I love her to death but it’s just not a marriage situation that I’m looking for Taurus zodiac few things to catch up on their it sounds very interesting and very evolved that can just tell in your voice that you’ve put a lot of effort into this and it sounds like you know I’ve said for a while that’s if only we put as much emphasis on training and coaching for the sexuality Arts as we do for sports and violence than we would have really balanced cultures and really satisfied people in in and maybe some relationships would be will be healthier so going back to what you were saying what you were doing wrong all along what I’m curious what what do you want now looking back do you feel like we’re some of your the mistakes that you made and your journey so folks who are also starting off can learn from your wisdom and save them spare themselves are learning things the hard way so to speak that I was trying to protect my wife by lying to her like that I need it I knew that if I talk to a fight but when she found out alive we were fighting anyways so from me it was trying to protect the woman that I love and that I want to be with but I just wasn’t happy sexually so trying to communicate better and pushing that it seem like no matter what I did I wasn’t going to happen so but it’s not going to happen either way if you don’t communicate it then it’s not going to happen if you do it behind our backs and it’s the trail and it’s even worse though in through the rest of that run women are so strong and can put up with a live there in love with that person communication and studying and not being ashamed to get a mint or somebody who’s done it before I could have avoided a lot of misery if I would have listened to my mentor and been a lot more honest with the things that I was doing you’ll see in the book are there was there was some times that I love my girlfriend way more than I should have loved my way more than I love my wife at the time cuz I was I was just happy that power of that feeling of happiness that overcomes you is very powerful and learning how to balance that with with a family and a wife and trying to be trying to have things if you want it was very difficult we were we were a poly couple for probably about 8 months to a year and it worked out really well but at the end I was I was lied to the wrong situation and it ended up being exasper so you’re saying that you were that you had basically what people would consider an affair right he had an affair with somebody who who was on a more open path and you’re starting to experience kind of an out-of-the-box thinking sexually and have some of your frustrated desires be fulfilled and that was that was happy but then that you’re saying that that relationship that probably Affair relationship ended badly that there was something at the failed error. Right time of year that was the what’s the difference is where I would probably still be with the girlfriend if I if I wasn’t so far away but yeah we were after after I have the affair then I have the great idea of bringing the girlfriend to the wife and that one over horribly at first but then threw time he has a marriage counseling and and after she almost tried to kill me a few times she pulled a gun on me she tried to stab me and it just got really that really dramatic there for a little while and I was your wife is a Griffin girlfriend in love with out for about a year and we are all together having fun and I had a blast Republic happiest I’ve ever been enough when I kind of decided that was I wanted that lifestyle poly rope that poly lifestyle and and now I’m able to do that I’m able to I’m able to balance that and and have no type of relationship lessons learned of being open and honest and expressing what I want what I need wow that that is amazing that should be a sitcom that should be I mean really you that’s the American dream having your cake and eating it too and and and actually do it like you should you didn’t she didn’t kill you you cheated run away you didn’t run away you didn’t you didn’t leave your kids you know you didn’t you actually stayed and manned up and held your post down and ran your business of being a family man and and you sustained her wave of rage and then now I’m super interested in how you were able to master that transition of integration and transmuting her that Rage of hers into acceptance like that is what we all I thought I would say all straight or straightish men or whatever you know if wish that they could have your cake and eat it too and have what in the poly Community they call in re new relationship energy and think that’s a nice way of I mean the there’s there’s lots of I think really proactive and emotionally intelligent new terms that are coming out from the Poliwhirl like compersion about you know the opposite of jealousy actually enjoying seeing pleasure happened with someone who love that it’s in your in your just avoid her or you just know about it and feeling good about a resin bad and this other notion of new relationship energy the old Paradigm would be from a negative Place saying oh you you hate me you sick of me you don’t want me you want some BLS I’m shit so I’m going to be suicidal and homicidal now as opposed to being like Oh new relationship energy I get it I seek that too I feel like seduced in excited by that every time I walk out the front door and actually went to go and favor and then had tacos and margaritas after it was as if it was a very Twisted web and I look forward to turn into some type of thick, movie or something cuz it was it’s a really good read I’ve got nothing but good reviews I’m not the greatest the book isn’t the greatest as far as the sexy and then there’s the second in there but it’s it’s in there for a reason when when we connected like there’s a scene where me and my wife and my girlfriend I’ll get a room at a hotel and we’re having a good time together and my wife is in her face and I’m and I’m you know having sex with my girlfriend and we all connect and it’s perfect like that feel like I was on top of the world and then my wife went to the bathroom and then me and my girlfriend who really like really getting it in life turn around the corner and saw that I was enjoying myself basically without her and she flipped the script she ran to the car so let me in a hotel you know 3/4 miles away from the 3-4 hours away from the house and it was just a complete disaster so we went through all of that so endure that and put up with a lot of those things as isn’t far-fetched that’s that was the old way this is even more if it’s even more exciting cuz I think this is like it’s so I feel like figuring out how to get to Mars on figuring out how to have cold fusion even World Peace it’s like making I think we’ll get this feels like it’ll be sooner and you would appreciate this from you know you’re at your career is it like it’s like it’s more likely almost I think that that we will all come together and meltdown all of the national borders sing Kumbaya and forget all of the religious conflicts before women in these situations and men but people in these situations will actually not be psychotic around sharing each other’s body with other people like and it seems like if we saw that if we can figure out how to solve that then these other bigger issues of world peace and and green technology and you know economics like I think they’re all going to flower and Blossom from these bedroom issues so if you could I would love to to zoom into that because you know iPhone I’ve been dancing on those eggshells you know and and really studying these interpersonal Dynamics and I’m trying to figure out how to find those harmonious interactions among the women wear the obsessiveness over who gets the man and who gets the majority of the man’s wealth which is what is the bigger subconscious thing to me especially if you have the kids I mean it’s an economic bargain you know on your it’s it’s there’s so much going on there about who is going to take the Lion’s Share literally the Lion’s Share of like what efforts were talking about a more Primal State it’s like the economics of your the stud and you come back with a kill and of course you’re going to share with everybody but there’s going to be a sort of hierarchy of who you share it with which members of the clan or the tribe of the band in the psych those sexual politics around around resource-sharing they get they can get very tricky but there is a sweet spot and I think we used to know how to be very women to you know they could bargain with their with their sexuality and men with bargain with their sexuality and we’re just going to such a high-stakes game now where if you did if you did fall in love with someone else I would say that I would imagine the logic of your wife is that I’m going to be homeless at the soup kitchen line with my kids being taken away by the state if this guy if this guy has more pleasure with someone else I am at risk of losing my you know my Empire or you know the queendom of the kingdom of whatever so could you talk about your just get really deep into the as much as you can you know you care to share that isn’t too you know confidential or whatever route what you were learning from the conscious and subconscious conflicts between the women over you and your resources and your cock and your love in your heart I would say that you’re right on about the Primal Instinct there because she didn’t give up even give up a lot of jealous thing did a lot of you would say things were okay but then we came to do them we would fight for it almost did not let things things sexually between us started getting better because of the competition we were having sex almost every day I I was and no secret Manor will I ever go to sleep tight back and there was no conversation on anything outside of that so once I got the girlfriend things became very very interesting she started finding the swingers party she started trying to compete and make you happy so I would that would agree with you in the fact that I started to pick up after that getting down deeper I think both of them really love me and help me out in the situation cuz I didn’t have a father either I was there when I didn’t have a family member to turn to if they hate my life who was amazing but it only get you so far until you run out of this is Uncharted Territory for me and I don’t know what to do wow this is even this is just continuing the flow and get more amazing your Vista Camanche is because I mean I have I’ve sacrificed a lot to avoid a lot of you situations and but you had The Bravery to go through it and live it and and you know I’ve been I’ve been a fugitive on the run from some of the most excited women who have just made me very I would say hesitant to to get into those deeply embedded financial and and and familial relationship relationship dynamics that make it like so explosive and destructive when things go go wrong you know so I have like the time has been good for me because it does give you that sort of permission and exaltation to not be a householder and do your spiritual path and devote up to vote one lifetime or you know however many you want but it’s like you want to walk away from the village and go be a freaky you know you know Shaman Mystic out in the mountains or whatever like that’s cool you know and then you might have some insights that can trickle back down and and serve people who are living that really routinized family life and so you kind of you give them both so that makes you a hero and contract terms a Time trick hero for doing the spiritual work and the family work and in an opening up so I applaud you for that for sure and I want to ask you also know about so this is very very interesting when you what you just and this would definitely be like an important part of a film script r or a playwright you know where you’re you’re really exposing something that we all know about which is you know you could call him any different things but for lazy sex or just going through the motion sex or even what one of my partner said when I was becoming, not so much a Lazy Lover but it wasn’t like you said we weren’t talking it wasn’t knew it was like the same as just became the same fucking thing and it was like in in the the pockets of time in between work and commuting and chores and whatever and it just was not sacred it wasn’t scheduled it wasn’t really high energy and it was done when we were exhausted and all we could do is just lay there on her fucking sides at a point so yeah I could you can talk more about that because I think we all get in that trap and if that’s what kills everything you know cuz afterwards she enjoyed it she enjoyed doing the party enjoyed playing with other girls and experiencing that but it took it took a lot to me to find another girlfriend that was do it openly and that it would be okay for us to get to that point and it should have never experienced those things together instead of the why am I not enough why can’t you just be satisfied with me constant discussion that was whatever to always go back to 2 the wheel of boredom in inconstant didn’t answer that routine was a war I have everything I had the family the kids cars that I were in that aspect of life I would have been content but I just the routine was killing me something to break me out of that routine I went for it I was happy in that power that work happy is very very powerful you want to stay somewhere. The woman that I was with the girlfriend didn’t have all those things you were the borderline alcoholic and I couldn’t talk to you if you were my friend and turn made her want to do more and the Twisted the story towards the end is she made me get rid of the girlfriend found a new girlfriend and I was supposed to be for both the bus with him leaving me tell me if you want to divorce you didn’t have time later but ended up having another girlfriend and not include me in it not coming home you know how I dealt with that in the book was probably not the right answer either cuz I wouldn’t say I was jealous but when your wife doesn’t come home and she’s off with the girlfriend everyday and I got a taste of my own medicine I ended up going back with the girlfriend and then we started to start living her life with her girlfriend I was with my life with my girlfriend and family Dave do both kind of sit in the house and plan on each other and in that aspect I think that was stuck with the most was with my kids with my grandma with their grandma or my family by my wife not coming home yeah man this is this is so interesting honestly feel like this is what if America hadn’t been so grotesquely addicted to the toxic drama and that was being screwed by Jerry Springer imagine if Jerry Springer was actually a ton trick Master healer BDSM coach all those things and he would actually facilitate group orgies on stage and it would just you know it would go x-rated after a certain point you know it could be a he’s actually stirring up an and reinforcing all of the negative sex sex negative homophobic like like those I just think about every Jerry Springer episode if I could have been there to counterbalance what with a paradigm that was being maintained by Jerry Bengston we will be talking we will be all having these Oprah like crying her eyes out give me a box of tissues moments of like people actually realizing hey it’s okay to like see another man naked fucking her wife if it’s okay to you no have a girlfriend cuz your boy because your husband has a girlfriend and you want to have your own thing like and just actually thinking these things out well maybe that was great for grandma because she wanted to hang out with the kids for well well this is not mean seriously this is needs to be the night the new enlightened thing because people can learn a lot from this and I’m really fascinated by the like I feel like if there’s if there’s anything on my run has a lot about now it’s about it’s about like showing initiate women into the mystery of not necessary lesbianism but at least bisexuality so that they see what they’ve been missing out on and it sounds like you were so successful that almost backfired on you but I feel like I want to say that’s a good problem to have because you know what I think is so beautiful about bisexuality is that is that it short-circuits that I have to be everything to you script because if you know somebody’s but like if I know a woman’s bike actual I will know that I can never ever be more than 50% of meeting her needs and so I can be content with that and I don’t have to consume all of her and control her and find her I can be like yeah I know I’m only going to be like half the battle of you know when it comes to your your your love and sex life so I’m cool with that and going to win on these things yet go out for now go up on what just the the process of the other process of what I guess what it was like for you to facilitate the initiation of a woman into like had she ever been with women before was a totally new to her when she totally freaked out by it and then she warmed up or I had expressed a little what I wanted and she said that she was curious but and you wanted to do the thing every time the situation came up it was always the first the very first woman that we were able to have a girl on her phone and talked and acted as my wife basically saying hey come help me with this dick and I swear to God it wasn’t it wasn’t five minutes because she was knocking on the door blanket and pillow ready to have some drinks and get it in but my wife and then and then but then my wife was like no I have to make sure my mom has all all the tax information if you need to find excuse for everything what I wanted and he’s going to do it for me so she took a deep breath is a story of the spot for a couple weeks and then we did it again and then there was some funny story that you start this the woman is going to have rules of what you want what what makes me the wife what makes me more special than her why or whatever so her rule was I couldn’t I couldn’t eat out another girl we went out to a is going into the book too but we went out to the club and we all had a good time I wasn’t drinking cuz I was with you. But once we got to see if I binge drank and base with this plan blacked out and she I don’t remember much of anything so I don’t drink much anymore like to do it myself but he was so mad cuz I guess I hadn’t the girl out and she was so mad you left outside and she thought she locked herself outside in time we were on the beach and in the naked woke up naked outside and I ended up waking up and she wasn’t there and hand that turned into this situation was a lot harder otherwise this was a lot easier this process is a lot harder Because You Loved Me a lot of jealousy involved but I think that if I would have been a lot more able to communicate what I wanted and make sure that she felt more special and I gave her something where I pay more attention to her than it would have been in love with love and respect those things that I wanted would have been I don’t think that I was doing that as a husband I was cuz I was bored I was upset I was mad at the fact that every time you try to do something so I wasn’t getting money for filled and I definitely wasn’t feeling her and there was the conflict of you want to do this for me but afterward they haven’t benefit out of it now I’m right now I’m I’m able to realize by the person needs attention in this matter if holidays and and then I need to pay more happy to give you those things yeah that says a lot right there because you know I think that’s the that’s the secret and that’s The Sweet Spot and it’s really a paradox because a lot of times it’s like people don’t seek that new relationship energy until the nest is is fouled and and it’s like in a perfect world it would be a preventive it’s like one ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure you know so stay hey we know we’re going to get bored with each other the the honeymoon phase is going to wear off we’re going to really start like looking over each others shoulders you know as we kiss and because we know that’s inevitable let’s actually set up those parameters now and figure out what we got to do to have the most solid and secure primary family Corps Duty responsibility relationship happening and that way it’s always adding a bonus and it’s not feeling like it’s it’s exploiting a weakness to to to have the new relationship energy in it and you know a perfect world we would all be doing that but it’s almost like in the shin hurts like people have this aversion to two contracts you know how they say like by like the saying contracts are going to save more friendships and they’re going to destroy even if it’s things like borrowing a few bucks you know what I mean like people think are no contracts that’s for strangers and people who don’t trust each other know it’s for fucking everybody and every one of your other podcast you were talking about remember that remember that new love feeling look what you did to make that person feel special or the things that made each other happy because like you said that like the other podcast back towards the end of the you know when the love is gone and the feeling is gone and they don’t remember how to make that person to do that way again and that is a lot of the writing that I’m doing now to the things that are working is what been taught me today to put in number two in and how I developed them came from the wandering in the dark to the light sand and opening my third eye so to speak in the realm of well I will again I’m really touched knowing that I’m having this affect tinnitus that you know this is really the I feel like so much of the work that I do is like really sci-fi and it’s kind of like something that should be quarantined into a very no Dark Sector of research on human sexuality but really the fruits the fruits of that composting that the sewage of the human no experience should be that we have way more happy and healthy standards for getting our needs Madden for avoiding the really toxic and negative things that that turn into different forms of abuse so you know what to hear you talk about it really been able to apply some of the the more sunny day bright shiny happy stuff that I can talk about it’s really it’s really nursing for me to hear that cuz that’s just yeah man we should we should not be we should not be feeling like Humanity was born yesterday with all the stuff you know like every generation should be building on more wisdom and so thank you for doing this this great work it’s so brave of you to have explored this and now I’m really excited about the book I hope you have a great voice to would you consider doing an audiobook version for those of us who are so so multitasking and Hyper testing that we can’t barely slowed down at my editing skills are probably not up to par really should be so yes I am but I’m definitely going to and I want to write the script I really went through so much I don’t think there’s ever going to be a movie out there at the live the life that I live the during actually wrote this years ago and in the process of everything but I was too nervous and do the same dance to at all these emotions surrounding that that it was impossible to publish but I feel like I’ve grown into another person so to speak that I am not that person anymore and I can learn to that other people shouldn’t have to go through for sure man so also yeah happy to go for another few minutes and and get into the other sort of this the subplot or if this was a movie you know you would get the scenes of you and your personal Agony and your personal process and then the the scenes of the two women that you’ve introduced in the storyline and their private worlds and their ways of dealing with things and then all the just the snapchats that you would get from the different triangle Dynamics but there is like a another character which is kind of the Medicare actor and that is the mentor you speak of so could you tell us about how that relationship development evolved and then how that started to inform you and certainly I think most importantly when you say that if you would only had that meant to her earlier on you would have made these mistakes I’m super curious what that meant to or told you later that you would have applied that would have made these things work better in addition to what you said about how you just you know you could have kept it clean her house as far as the beekeeping the relationship more secure but yeah whatever you got from that let’s hear that and there was two speeches is being kind of Taboo in the area so I opened a swinging Groupon on social media and if we rushed it was doing amazing I was having parties before it was everything that I wanted but I want entertainment at my party so I started searching out for performed or something along those lines and I met up with a guy who was offering that service and he turned out to be a great friend of time and he started telling me about his role as a Dom and just started like Steve college and I was like I had no idea that was just deep and then I started diving into more of the DSM stuff because my girlfriend wanted it I really didn’t know what I was doing last night so he would he would teach me really the mental game of things that I stood 50 doing as far as paying attention or even different techniques with DSM how to flush don’t know how hot I mean it can be taught to do it correctly or where is the Rope play is I’m still learning that I’m I’m going to a lesson on Thursday so I mean there’s so much to learn in this realm how to be better and what to do better there’s always something new to learn from I mean if you go to summon to you I guess DSM Fire play and all that kind of you have to be able to look for a little boy got me to the point where I was able to pinpoint different person sign in to make sure that she came quickly or I could pressure point then he was very educational land and taught me a lot of very humbled to he was a good Mentor at the time that’s cool I’m glad to hear that and I think that should go that should serve as a public service announcement that end in the sometimes underground sometimes more above ground but but certainly in the adult communities there is a lot of mentorship available and a lot of camaraderie and solidarity and people are very open and very excited to share and to greet new people in the yeah I think as men it’s must much less that is as in with all sectors I think it’s much less predatory and you would have you would have less of a of a chance of having a bad experience you know just showing up to a play party or a dungeon or whatever so I would say if any if it if to the young women who are listening to this you know use the buddy system because not not everybody out there and in these Realms has your best interest at heart and maybe you want to go for that hike if it’s your thing to be you know put into into risky situations then I’m not going to you no say there’s anything wrong with you but I would say that there is there’s a lot more good than bad I think that if the case could be made that it’s the it’s the the vanilla Society where the Shady stuff happens because there are no rules no is no discussion and Consciousness so it’s probably probably safer in a dungeon then on the street or at a club member always welcome and always willing to teach and I’m sure what they got what they want to do and I’m watching normally at those type of education welcome to learn from each other so and I definitely don’t put yourself into a situation where there is locked door is too and I’ve been doing this now for seven or eight years and I rarely have been experiencing some bad experiences in my book because there’s there’s a couple where drugs does the party than I thought things were going to get out of control but I was able to calm him down and then the situation is still out there but more often than not wanting to pass their knowledge so definitely keep out the mentorship and and if you have any questions yeah I find somebody that I found them by the accident but knowing that you can go to those those website and type in words you can find pray I’ll survive well this is really been a treasure and unfortunately the audio quality has been phasing in and out which I think we should talk again sometime and and if I go up and see if we can get a better audio call you but I will do my best to get this to to sound as good as I can but I think that overall the the vibe is set and I feel like it’s a it’s even more of a teaser that it’s like oh my God I just want to I want it I want to hear this whole story I told you this totally and that is a good spin on some trouble that I got myself into but section and you can find it on the page author next by Kool and I will do you want to give so that was good enough for just for people to find it do you have an exact homepage website or just Google search Amazon right now but there’s no other book that I can find that sex chicken and cocoa butter cocoa butter yes that is it sounds like a fun evening yeah can’t wait to know what that with that actually is is talking about so I do want to say and respect life has been nothing but supportive and because we put I put a lot of the you know the secret lives on on post are on on blast and then so she’s been very supportive and loving and I think she’s growing as a person to so I want to commit to her in the mail my ex girlfriend because they’ve both been so amazing so in support of something that was a secret world 2 at one time yeah thank you for saying that I actually have a book that is in editing with the publisher right now and I can say the same thing like I just want to thank everybody who I gave a fictitious name to but basically totally exposed in and put a spotlight on you know hopefully was all for all of our growth and evolution and and for sure man I’m glad that that’s working out for you and who knows maybe she’ll hit me up and be like hey I wrote a book to Bam here’s the other kids riding her but everything okay you come come with your book and then you fucking like man this is so constructed like thank you for being constructed with this this usually goes in such terrible horrific and then the children are always the ones who are victimized the worst when when adults don’t have their their bedroom game figured out right so you know so right on that will I wish you the best and yet hope you feel all so you know that you’re you’re fighting the good fight out there in the world and I wish you the best in that department and she have any other words you want to share the clothes that’s great but I think you did a great a great job and thanks for for sharing everything is really a blast thank you was an honor you for listening to the touch of Time Podcast please go to www.crunch.com and click on the Donate button to help support the shop in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple after bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Country Park. Com Thomas gay

 

Hacking Group Romance as a Porn Director not a Cult Leader TPP200

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In this episode I’m joined by a mystery guest for a wild comedic adventure into the repressed caverns of my erotic mind. She holds enthusiastic and giggly sacred space for me to get on a roll lamenting about the current state of monogapathic culture. She helps me get through a lot of catharsis in exploring my life history of drama and madness surrounding opening up to more inclusive group sexual and romantic encounters. With her gracious support, I’m able to take liberties in the manner in which I share some of my most passionate and taboo-breaking fantasies. With care and consideration for ethics and holism, I attempt to induce a few laughs as I graphically depict my experimental designs for hacking group romance.

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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin pillow their beloveds welcome to Township Punk podcast episode number 200 I just got back from an East Coast tour with the punk rock metal band and I’m thrilled to say we had a great time and did very well and I made it back in one piece and this is an exciting episode 200 Extravaganza where are some of my backlog recording this and this was one of the one of my favorite ones that I had to choose from for the episode 200 and I think you will really Joy it is definitely something different it is it is a my first summer unintentional extended comedy monologue with a a wingwoman of sorts and she’s holding space for me to bring forth into a level of of hilarity that I don’t normally I don’t know don’t normally summon and don’t really feel as is often appropriate but once you get on a roll when you start to really stimulate somebody’s Funny Bone verbally then it’s it’s hard not to to just run with his so it may be offencive it may be a little over-the-top and in that what we’ve come to appreciate about that classic stand up comedian form is that you’re able to get away with exposing truths in a very heated very sometimes aggravated state of mind and people cathartically get off on someone else saying what speaking out there are deeper taboo thoughts so if this is the first episode you’ve heard of mine it is definitely uncharacteristic of most of the rest way I tend to joke here and there but really really typically try to be pretty reserved and really focus on a I’m more of a dialogue with a guess this in this case it’s it’s almost completely One Direction all but her being there is absolutely essential in order to get that Dynamic flowing and it certainly in the sense of Comedy it really helps I don’t know how people can just write write comedy in their own inner sanctuary and not have that that reverberation in that that feedback and and dynamic but anyway this is a lot of fun and what we’re talking about what I’m talking about. Manly and she’s helping hold the space for me to really mansplain in an unethical way really is talking about the the bloopers and Antics and Folly and what I’ve learned from attempts to hack this notion of group romance and really learn from a lot of mistakes and really create sort of personal interpersonal living breathing think-tank research experiment out of how to best overcome the limitations that we have in most modern patriarchal monotheistic minago Pathak cultures where our options are very limited and our experience and Expo are two other modes of loving and healing and relating romantically they’re completely systematically cauterized by these Disneyland archetypes of monogamy and whatnot so I get into the higher level kind of macro cultural analysis and critiques and then we get into a lot of really fun really absurd ridiculous and playful visual kind of comedic audioporn take to get through some of the designer ideas of how to how to be hacking group romance and I’m really this is it from my perspective a a male centered male-oriented you could call it phallocentric you could say I’m being a chauvinist here but really I think it’s about making sexual gratification in the feeling of love and connection amongst people be as egalitarian as possible and really work with what you have within your your orientation your identity your group of friends and just explore those boundaries and really gamify group romance and hopefully this really stands is a introductory Treatise on why it’s important to explore these things and what the the payoffs are so hope you enjoy it this is definitely for me one of my top favorite episodes of all time because of where we where we get to in the end of Vibes of it you know I hope that it leaves you rolling on the floor and also curious and also emboldened to take more adventurous steps in the future of your love life all right thank you very much if you’ve been with me along waist episode 200 thank you for for being with me and enjoy this historic episode thank U Namaste and they would not be comfortable with you hacking the storylines of of compulsory monogamy and telling stories very festive stories about what it’s like to like not be in patriarchy and like it she does she know yeah that’s what good for sale teacher reflect a picture or no one’s happy everybody’s miserable and just whining about it new relationships breaking out and being her and then just repeating the cyclist over and over is very defeatist like cry about level of times but at least you’re feeling something at least you’re not a total sociopath narcissist like don’t even care spending to steal it self-inflicted stuff too cuz you just like wanting holding on to like the painful stuff I guess we’re like people that aren’t making like the best for you but it’s sad and it’s like Basin and being married and being screwed if you lose that Financial Lifeline life support so there we have listed this is the in permaculture design Geoff Lawton and it likes to use this teaching to a witches that when it comes to like agriculture what you’re talking about gardening earlier today but it’s like this so if you only plant one crop in a field that’s a lot like fishing with a single line where they know that if that crop fails or that line breaks your your your Sol and so the smart Fisher person would say I let me fish with a net so that if one or even several of those lines break with internet I still have a functioning device here so that’s what you could systems do and that’s why polyculture in gardening and Horticulture polyculture means multiple different phrase things as opposed to monoculture so you can make this analogy very happy to monogamy and monoculture and still what’s resilient in an ecosystem diversity right the more diverse ecosystem the more resilient it is the more flexible adapter is in more abundant and flourishing it is so monoculture monogamy monotony it’s and then that’s why people are living in this wounded heart broken real disaster of a reality and it’s just profit people that make the Laurie handlers cuz it seems like I’m she said in her podcast if this was a easy the country cafe or sex and happiness she said to podcast over the years she makes an excellent point that she’s over his doesn’t not interested in the heartache that sells and wants to crack break your heart open to love everyone pretty much and to have new experiences and to be open to new experiences and so have a very regenerative heart and I would like the concept of being a heart Gardner so like I’m trying to I have not just one heart that I love her that I tend I have a garden that I attend of many hearts and some of them need more attention at times some of them you know every more self-sufficient some of them could tell me to get lasted for cough and don’t even want want me like even looking at them and everything in between so then you know being a heart Gardner and trying to keep them all alive and and not neglect them and be responsible for like letting them Blossom letting them rot on the vine either you know anyway so there’s so much to learn and so much to sing about so sincere singer I’m a singer we’re going to think about this stuff. We also actually I need to have experience to know where the fuck were talking about so that’s where we begin with what where does the authentic Journey actually begin and that’s where we and I just watched Breakfast Club where they were it’s like this painstaking process of socially engineering the truth out of what how and what circumstances virginity was happening or not happening so we all have virginity is two different things even if we popped her cherry City this week so so we’re at the precipice of The Virginity of your experimental lesbianism is it a few dedicated to your not identified as a woman now what do you mean what I mean is that my I’m very interested in the notion of you having sex with a woman if you if you want to sit at one point I was very blunt and I asked you and I risked I risked being considered a British attend to try to do that so it’s basically asking if I’m if you’ve ever had if you would have ever had sex with a woman and if not would you like to and you said you would like to but you like to what you say roll around with me first right I think that’s yeah so that could be arranged so basically you know that’s compromised that’s that’s how you have probably that’s the beginning of it is like what do you need what a minor needs how can we meet in the middle somewhere and so well this is what is so interesting to me and what I am going to share is like my design concept that I put a lot of effort into trying to figure out which is this is that okay if we really break the stuff down what we don’t have what we have a lot of experience of as children is being gently yet with with I would say lowercase authoritarianism weird we are compelled by adults to share toys and we learn against whatever maybe that jealous or envious nature or selfish nature we learn to to actually eventually Delight in the gift of sharing something with others so that we actually realize that there’s this abundance of my face you know it’s not like hopefully it’s not like you don’t eat the toy in the toy is something that doesn’t get destroyed after one use of the toy I’m so that you can hand it on and and let other people experience so what somewhere along the path of puberty we get program to lose that fundamental sociability and Collective position of like the toys that we would be sharing on the playground and once we develop and grow and have her own public Parts in appropriate age appropriate settings to explore Inn Express in which we all know is lacking in this culture and that’s why we have abusive all kinds cuz we don’t have rice passage and we don’t know when we are to do wet when howl with himself in a healthy way or holistic way I should say so we’re we are fumbling in the dark trying to figure this stuff out and somewhere we get cursed with these imprints of monogamy that is compulsory compulsive Naga me bound up in Notions of being a prince and a princess and all of these socioeconomic status oriented ways of like something being mine a person me owning that person this status symbol so there’s I’m not saying anything for you know this groundbreaking to indict these memes and this culture architecture and you know they have spoken to like many people feminists just look at feminist anthropology in the critique of domestication in the in the critique of civilization and patrilineal descent and the the the the way that wealth and land and power is handed down from a meal bloodline Emil name Inlet that’s why you control you would need to control the female sexuality and reproductive freedom in order to guarantee that your son gets your land in and not someone else’s so that’s that’s the patriarchy connection and we want to what super tall that perverted and silver and actually compost the patriarchy is she so I don’t think there’s a there’s no there’s nothing more subversive then then then opening up relationships because once you start buying less because old do do we need to each have our own garage filled with tools from big box stores or can we all share one fucking tool set amongst us all lovers sharing each other’s bodies it’s not rocket science and it’s not rocket science way they have made it so difficult to be relating sexually openly with computers with a peer group and neighborhood of adults because they want us all to be in our little boxes buying one of every that have everything and not sharing anything and therefore it cuts into their bottom line so we are doing our best to compost the patriarchy to be subversive and actually have a lot of fun doing it it’s not a dip revation and sacrifice to have more fun sexually with more people it is a little bit more requisite of time for emotional care and tenderness for sure it’s complicated and it is and is medically important to be but if it’s as if you can play any video game that you play any board game you can gamify Sexual Health in a group you can end in the end not to do bring it to the light and be like okay well we match here like literally HSV expressing in one part of the body can match to that and another person other parts of body and you can pretty much pretty much know you’re safe at that point there’s there’s ways to gamify these things so that you know curses can be blessings in yet make it very used that’s who we need to design the user-friendly interface for people to connect and 4 shame and not even just the end of course the STI status stuff but also people who just have body issues about so we can be mixing and matching his stuff and yeah. There’s an app for it kind of a thing you know in this world so so we’re getting there and you know you pull the card and you know people who so it will and that’s why that’s the reason to do yoga so that you can hold these sexual positions forever because he like baby words said when a man basically two pair of fruit to fear fear for his baby Ward and I’m mixing a couple of I’m adding a couple together of her if you’re beautiful phrases but basically if I were Davey word I would probably say something like if I if I was balls do you know when your balls deep in me I want it to last forever I want your penis in my vagina forever and I can’t Rainman how to make that possible and actually there was a good scene in Jerry Maguire where she asked for him to she’s don’t ever stop fucking me in a kind of like kills the mood when he says I think I’ll have to stop at some point and then they fucking break up with a douche no sorry to tell you I love you tons hear me okay forget about it Interview with the Vampire okay stop me somebody for the cold water on me right now all right yeah it was Saved by the Bell you is just batteries going to last all night long you’re you’re you’re getting okay so it’s yours work as graphic this is where he’s going to get more perverted this is building it up so building and Outdoors like what is it why does this matter that’s why why am I trying to have so much fun packing monogamy and the shame and the pain and the jealousy and the limitation it’s just it’s false it’s completely insane and in deranged and and I will not tolerate it for one more second my life and in that spirit I say I’ve done the boyfriend-girlfriend thing I’ve done in monogamy thing I’ve done a jealousy thing and then a hard brake thing so if somebody enters my life and is attracted to me I go out how this is interesting erotic energy flowing in my direction how can I not manipulated not abused if not not not heard it or harm it but actually let it flow through my little garden design of more pleasure and then also this is the thing where I feel like I’ve made an important hack an important this is because this is been going back to how we learn to share so this is as an adult with adult content adult appropriate settings of course but really bring it down and that’s why I am a huge fan of psychedelic sexuality because it inhibits the neurotic aspects of the ego and if you’re going to trust in space and you have referees and you have good guidance and going on in people are observing and being Sheriff’s that to the boundaries when the people are you know any in there Altered States but would you with the beauty of it is that you get to explore again and you get to explore bodies and he could do store your own body and it’s not a story about who’s owns this and who’s rights to this and fuck where’s all the paperwork and did I swear to it tonight so that’s and it doesn’t have to be an orgy of people fucking very sloppily very carelessly when you get into the tantric practices of massage wherever it’s about it’s really the best things really happen with the most intentional experts killed manual and leading up to of course different forms of penetration with genitals but it’s underrated how much how much pleasure and how deep deep healing we can be with their hands with each other in and really there’s no excuse not to be doing that cuz you’re not going to make babies and they just called outercourse or mutual masturbation went on so that’s where rather than rushing from first base to second base and all of that hyper rush to the Finish Line stuff fit culture this culture is trained to do you actually can start out saying okay it could literally be a fun and fulfilling and safe Friday night for a group of friends 2 take each other to take their clothes off and use their hands to induce different types of orgasms in each other consensually and into explorer that and so that’s where I say the games of politics becomes like whose are you fucking that is long as you if you if you keep that off the table a little just long enough and this is what so at what I have there is like a Zone that is safer emotionally and medically to play in in groups to actually start to rewire and meltdown those belief systems so that you have a clean slate in in your capable of exploring slowly and building on the new Pannu template that you design and we’re very plastic a blank brain can be reformatted we can 3 format is hard drive as many times we want there’s no limit to it and we were it’s absurd to think they were stuck in a 2000 year old paradigm I’d rather be in a 200,000 Euro Paradigm cuz that’s where the real phone was happening anyway but we’re going to get to the Primal Anarchy of lovemaking groups in just a minute now so break here’s how we break from breakthroughs goes invisible prison cells in our minds about monogamy and so I figured it out like how I would like to conduct a ceremony words like okay this is my penis here and there’s people that want to play with it and put it in different parts of their bodies and hopefully have a good time with it and if it really like Gibson gets them there and brings them there and then delivers the goods then they will become deeply deeply addicted to that experience and Anna on a level that is that is beyond any extreme passion of any terrorist has any ideology the amount of passion that and I would say a woman from in my experience the level of chemical spiritual just that’s what we should be living for men who love who love women is like for them to be taken so far out and so far in that they will want to kill other people who take threatened to take that experience away from them I every other women that you’ve ever known that you might never know so that’s where we have this conundrum which is like it is so good like I want you to be obsessed with me but I do not want you to be obsessed with me you know cuz that’s right cuz I’m going to kill myself if you’re not obsessed with me but I’m going to run away from you and run into the street if you’re obsessive me so either way I die do you know yeah and I had to run in the street to avoid women who are obsessed with me and it’s no joke cuz otherwise I would have thought they didn’t love me if they weren’t a homicidal maniac it’s right so there’s a way to disperse that energy and it’s like oh wait a minute he’s fucking me but I’m making out with a woman and looking into her eyes and who do I lose what it oh my God is I don’t know who is fucking me right now but it feels great and I agreed to it like I signed off that anyone can fuck me tonight with this and that and this so like I don’t know who to write the check to you know what I mean like anymore it’s just too much just don’t stop so I’ve been there and I’m never going back to the the the hell rounds it is about diffusing that pleasurable experience across so many different Souls that it’s impossible to Tribute it to one person and really I believe that this is not an astoundingly long wide penis that I have that I think is perfectly shaped to do what it was designed to do and I’m happy with it whatever yeah I’ve gotten good reviews so far in life women who wanted to kill other women because they were so possessive of this thing that it’s just like always wants to do is just be warm and wet and love them that is so I have a beloved partner and you know I would kiss your boobs goodbye and tell him to be good every day knowing if she was like why I never did anything bad to anybody ever and I realized that was the pure essence of innocence is Brett’s cuz like you can never say that they ever do anything bad to never manipulated anybody they never play games with anybody they just give and give and give you know so anyway that’s another story if we could only all aspire to be as innocent as a breast but never do anything to hurt anybody ever never had to be told to be nice just what is nice you know x-ray sexual Zen state that people would have to meditate for years if they didn’t eat mushrooms to figure that out like become a breast and live in the consciousness of breast in this and just experienced pleasure and give pleasure and don’t fucking overthink it you know it as long as everybody is of legal age and sound mind and knows what they’re signing up for essentially we can work out the details but I’ve been in those moments where it’s like yes what’s making this woman lose her mind and ecstasy is 80% the emotional connection with other women that she is sharing and then I am there to be basically a prop to the beautiful. Theater of feminine understanding and that is when I understood For the First Time The futility of women trying to squeeze blood from a stone to make bullheaded dumb men who would rather be playing video games or breaking shit or glowing sit up or doing something fucking mindless and heartless for fun and just acting them and making them be a woman when they’re not a woman because they can’t explore sexual intimacy with other women because they’re afraid of the taboo of lesbianism and because it would be against the rules and whatnot so when melted down and was in a sensor Moniz were psychedelic ceremonies wear them all of these stories were melted away and it was just women in fucking ecstasy the agony and ecstasy and using my cock is a prop but also as an energetic current in a source of love and that my refinement was allow me to be in that space and I realize that it’s like it is so cumbersome to be responsible for a woman’s orgasm in a love making session why would I want all of that burden on myself it’s like I have to at my age I have to think about not coming too fast beat not losing my erection and in trying to make a sincere emotional sincere present connection with the person who I am kissing is with that is enough for me to have to do it now I’m responsible for her squirting and I like coming in the same say when I saw the leveraging of all these other women and how freely flowing the orgasms come when the openness in the connectedness is there with other women so so like I said I’m not taking a step back and now if anybody wants to come at me they’re going to have to go through that that ate a form of of grade school of learning in or black ass like that you’re going to come at me do you want to fuck me you need a black belt in loving me to get in and if you go into any Karate Dojo they’re not even said hey I want to do what you do can you hand me your black belt right now please here I’ll give you a beer can I buy you a beer and then you give me a black belt no stupid you’re so stupid Bibb so what was the quote from the movie UHF which is very a so you definitely watch UHF to understand where my sense of humor comes from but yes I’ll good good so so we’re solving this problem and creating these designer experiences and so what I realized is that the impulse for a woman to have this one-dimensional relationship with a man’s cock so that she wants to possess it so as you’re a very own the way for me to logically very very simple-minded lycee what is the how do you prevent that is to say well you will learn to get to know my cock at exactly the same time as another person and you will only have a 50/50 relationship with whatever you do you say like you would with your best friend and I had her saying in people may not like to hear me say is cuz it sounds good feed it to your best friend first feed it to your best friend first and I didn’t even think about the secondary effect of that which for me that was just that was just like I’m going to know that you’re not going to lose your mind with jealousy when you can just say here actually you can I’ll let you go first so that would be the the the tantric taboo test of transgression against yourself like that Siri you’re going to lose your mind will feel into that and start simple we’re going to dance together and you’re going to watch just that and is that make your blood boil what happens after your blood simmers down do you start to like so now it’s like whatever that point is where that demon comes out of jealousy you were going to rub the shit out of your clit until it goes and tell you what you’ve you become a demon Whisperer with your clit and me and everybody just wants to create more and add more locks to the fire and you transmute that negative emotion into a positive motion and then in the probably will be called conversion the opposite we don’t have a word for it we do not have a word except for that one which no one knows it set designer neologism but we don’t have the band singing about how good it feels to watch their wife get fucked by Adam Ant And so yeah here we come back full circle so we will be so we’re going to we’re going to have these experiences we’re going to sing about it and and so this is the this is the what the the the climax of this conversation will be in my opinion is is when I talked about how the it’s not just a theoretical Gaiden guiding principle to say oh yeah we’ll will like yeah okay you flip a coin and I have sex first with the person who wins that round and then I stopped having sex with you and hopefully it didn’t lose my wind in 5 minutes cuz I was so fucking turn on by the sexy after they all I got another $5 and it’s over for me for like they’re already like forgot every system anyway cuz they’re tearing each other inside out and everything and I’m just watching and trying to like make it come to live again and finally it will eventually but you should know I’m getting That’s The Hampsterdance the Tantra hence the sexual Jedi Knight training so that you can breathe breathe through and in have the orgasms without losing the love don’t be a 5 lb jump so hit the two feminists so I think I’m going to say okay if she’s dying to give me a blowjob then like we time it for like okay like we’re going to play your favorite song and it’s going to be about the same equal thanks to to her favorite song and you going to eat each other’s favorite songs and I’m like hold each other’s heads and massage each other and just be like holding each other from behind and Miss Priss massaging each other that they take turns but there’s still a potential in that for for jealousy to arise in forever and for it to be I mean I just thought of a way to actually literally short-circuit everything in a really beautiful elegant circuit and so here is the design and I will try to verbally explain unless they can so I love the idea of two women’s hands clasping together around my cock and massaging it gently up and down as they face each other and our eye gazing intermittently so the visual so far is is that the dear beloved goddesses or I are facing each other so actually agency kneeling I’m I am laying on my back and they both are kneeling with their literally as clothes into my armpit is possible so that I can reach Below in between their legs and butt so I can have a hand on each clit and vulva fingers is a good middle finger on the clit and to end so if I’m cuffing the vulva and able to use my longest middle finger to be stroking the each clit simultaneously in patterns you know singer sew and I’m basically playing streams is like playing guitar and make a solo I’m playing shift I have this is because the end of vocalizations or what I’m tuning for it you know so so it isn’t this beautiful instrument of a playing these two young hearts that are kissing each other and like I gazy and exactly is so I’m making sure that they’re not feeling left out in that apartment while I’m being stimulated and everybody is being stimulated sexually and everyone is feeling a part of a closed circuit that is meeting everyone’s needs and in and there’s no favoritism there’s no hierarchy the really so thin and if anything I am as the man in my back and that is what time trick Kali worshipping actual full fully pornographic and I hesitate to use that word was fully glorious erotic depictions of the circuitry of how this stuff works so if it’s if you’re not approve any 3 I mean if you’re not so sexually stunted then you would just understand that these icons are just road maps to the spiritual terrain of understanding the energetics of Shiva Shakti god goddess energy so we’re designing with that and we’re creating a maximum hydraulic energy flows in in in a way that is very egalitarian actually inhibits the growth of the ego and that sense of so-and-so I’ve experienced this in not that exact formation but that’s why I aspire to be a porn director so that I can I can work with people who are very comfortable taking Direction and are not going to lose their minds and so I actually had this conversation today they’re what makes me not a cult leader and what prevents me from ever becoming a cult leader is this one fundamental thing right but I have to study cold it is to know how not to be a quote later cuz otherwise I would just be cranking out so much Kool-Aid day Kool-Aid would have to invent a time to punch flavor you know I got to be sponsored by Kool-Aid the Kool-Aid man oh yeah it would have it I make my own Kool-Aid Man Township anyway after dark okay I wanted how they’ve not sued like I have all of the libelous memes and they feel bad for the Kool-Aid guy I didn’t fucking poisonous people man I don’t mean to be making fun of them and I really got to get serious about not making a joke out of the people who died in the massacre Crazy Eights it’s it’s it’s public domain now to make a joke to either the expression people say don’t drink the Kool-Aid it’s because people at Jonestown were by a charismatic cult leader who was it was an extremely right with it skips a generation maybe but that’s how memes get formed yes so I mean that’s how they sort of deprecated the roots and you say things that we don’t know how does the reason we’re numb it so they don’t drink the Kool-Aid means don’t consent to a groupthink. Virus that makes mass suicide be acceptable and so they poisoned the Kool-Aid punch and that’s how everyone can scented make give it to their kids and everyone is like this is fine and some people try to protest and they were silenced and some people try to run away and it was a nightmare and it was absolutely what I would I must not allow myself to become as a priest that uses sexual mind manipulation and coercive tactics to trade love and affection attention and orgasm for 4 unquestioning devotion into the point of suicide so that that’s the extreme case that that we that is a litmus test for if you were going down that slippery slope but I actually tend to want to study the mental illness of sociopath sociopathy narcissism and I would like to consider myself a benign I’m the benign narcissist I know that that is a character flaw that I am not how we going to like defeat by doing the past limitations as many times that night and I’m going to roll with it and I’m going to say yeah I will be like Howard Stern and I will be I’m going to if I’m going to be this personality I’m going to make a bonsai tree out of my own ego if I can and have other people help in the process but but things going going back to the to the cult thing and what me what gives me the authority to design this orgasmic Orchestra what why and how do you not just become a colder than soy everyone you meet is basically in that on that game board now how am I going to manipulate you to be in this in this position that I would like you to be in to fulfill my fantasy of engineering all this town truck stuff and and if I’m if I’m this is well that’s spit out the Kool-Aid don’t swallow I think what we’ll get to that for sure that’s going to be a we’re going to get to that but can’t forget that we’ll save that for the for the most triumphant moment the climax is when we’re going to use that it’s so precious now after it’s been built up so ever since a joke that’s going about 2 it’s going to explain come on your face it’s going to come on yesterday and you’re going to beg for it and so hits is it is I’ve had people beg me to come in the third eye and it was hard to resist but this is going to be almost as good as that sharing you this one liner inside joke and just a minute but to wrap up this sort of dark out thing that we were doing with the coal thing is that it how do you know how do I hedge against being the creepiest man every like people think that Barney the purple dinosaur because he and forgive me if I’m butchering the facts here but as far as I know he’s doing what I considered to be taboos for me which is charging women money to have sexual penetrative intercourse with them above all without protection and making that into a to me that’s not a scalable business model and you can ask your doctor wife but Barney I mean I get it and I get that that’s the love thing being cultivated generated so I think I don’t know whether I consider that good pressure bad press for modern Neo Tantra or what not but I’d love to have them on the podcast I’m sure it’s going to happen and I can’t say that I was a fan of the art form of Barney the purple dinosaur but but but I would love to get to the full story and also talked about the ethics and this medical the medical duty of care that comes with sexual and pinch of intercourse with anybody so anyway that’s the sad but who were talking about okay what if you were intrigued and maybe turned on by me talking about these erotic circuit boards then you also have to be somewhat red-flagged and starting to cringe and go where how old is this get arranged in what are the incentives and how do you how do you manage the Eagles and how do you who’s in charge it’s like you can’t it’s a scary thing but you wouldn’t work but that’s why when I went when I say what I realized for me the aha moment in my sexual career was that if I want to have out-of-the-box sex I have to pay lots of money for it from professionals who have trained her nervous system to do theater performance of sexuality as escorts or as Dom’s or as porn performers because they’re good sports they’re not spoil Sports about any of the stuff for the most part if they’re treated well and respected and then contracts are here too and they know what they’re getting into and hopefully they’ve matured and hopefully their brain has developed to its full capacity IE the age that it takes to actually I don’t say that to you exactly so you better know there’s a dimension of Ethics when it comes to harvesting teenagers for your for whatever Annette and I have had some of the best sex in my life as a 30 year old being fucked up fucked senseless by teenager in a row in a monogamous relationship and I will I will tell you that it’s it some it was worth the daddy issues that I had to deal with it was worth reparenting her and it was worth every bit of emotional kind of awkwardness that there wasn’t some of the an Amex because she was such a good full spirited Prime late night it was funny cuz I was like I want to settle you down and basically like I could teach your making a kid with ADHD sit in class is like no she wants to fuck wildly she wants you to perform more than you possibly ever could even at 30 and and she and she is not she doesn’t need these esoteric practices too heavy multi-orgasmic she’s fucking coming or brains out like so hard and I and I couldn’t sit her down the aisle still enough to do any of the practices that I thought were going to be so enlightening and went in the great thing is is it a fuck it like it is certain point you just say no guru there’s a song about it’s like no guru no no scripture No play just in the Dow of the thing so anyway so that’s a side note to say there is a sacred place for adult for fully mature brain develop adults to be having sex with teenagers and and I know that it can be done because I’ve done it but it also takes you can’t just treat them like a commodity please you got to you got to think about pedagogy Nikki learned from the person that you’re teaching teaches you things to like a circle so then so we’re talking about these ethics and where I wanted to just close that point about how I do my best to not be a cult leader I thought I figured it out pretty simply and correct me if I’m wrong but basically it’s it’s I dare you to to indict me for the the criminal and civil liability of misconduct for for for structuring a certain way so this is how I this is this is very simple as this is like this I said that this is a different the difference from a cult leader is that I’m a porn director I pay women to be directed and then I pay whoever I want to I will I will I will choose performers who I resonate with for whatever we would like to do together to make beautiful art and and I will compensate them and pay them to take time out of their lives to be a part of my design and to be directed by me they’re not paying me for healing for enlightenment for direction for guidance and I’m directing them and Meghan gratifying myself and taking their money in convincing mind fucking them and taking more of their money and more than money until they don’t talk to their friends because of and that’s how Colts are basically extractive from their students the colors are extracting from their devotees the difference is how many colors do you know that actually give their devotees money I will pay you oh now I’m making corned a porn director and I am more karmically correct than the fucking Guru who is fucking having people kiss his feet and take your money so who would have thought that the corn directors were the most enlightening Yogi’s to ever attempt to be divine and I have my favorites and I’m a fan of some of them I want I want to see the names but right now but that cuz I wouldn’t want to leave any out you know what I mean bless you all for paying people to direct them into your Twisted fucking fantasies and giving them that dignity like hats of their not wondering about it cuz there’s that was having a conversation today it’s like a buyer’s remorse if I say to you I’m just saying if you remember when you had to if you were old enough to know that there was a day when when when your allowance equals one CD for $15 so humorous if you never had experience this is important I think this is important teaching is important teachable moment is that is that and I don’t want to be today. Take care no man’s planning anything in them to have fun here but this is like this is this is late so here’s the funny thing though you think about I remember what it was like when I had to convince myself that amusing that a CD that fucking sucked was actually good because I paid money for it and I would not let myself suffer the indignity of having made a mistake so I was in a state of denial and delusion so so so feeling this isn’t meditation okay everybody think of something that you paid money for that you discovered was in the zoo is suboptimal and you used mental gymnastics to convince yourself that you actually liked it even though you knew deeply that you didn’t like it but it was called buyer’s remorse it was called the sunk cost fallacy of sunk cost fallacy is that because you invested something into this you have to continue beyond the point of no return because you can’t live with yourself other ways so that is this Twisted perverse placebo effect that happens when it’s like I went to the sex guru to get healed and he said for 9999 I would get here and but I but I could also upsell to the bonus extra double healing deluxe super Cosmic Crystal trademark excetera right thing and try before you buy money back guarantee accessories that you’re all of his legal he’s in fine print all the stuff but there is but that’s where it is we’re expecting to have some result that you paid money for and you will question whether or not okay did I was a hole in my heel did I pay enough money to pay more and some money and it is it distorts things and you did it it did contaminated in a way for that so I’m skeptical that I can be done right in that sense and that’s just me so what I say let’s work in the garden together my time equals your time and now we’re planting trees equals an hour of Yoni massage your prostate massage and therefore it’s a flat equal everybody has the same it’s his first come first serve you know and orgasms for work shirts that was my hand jobs for Humanity and helping a tree with two or so you’ll see it yeah it’s a white paper was written so is he ever gets faster so so that’s how I’m not going to be a cult leader is that I’m not going to charge people money to be Pawns in my game of or are you going to be players in my Game of Thrones Township Township twister you will get paid handsomely to be in my theater my game of Township twister and you can quit you can get any time you know that’s that’s that’s the thing to you won’t be like oh if I walk away now you know that then where I’m not like what I paid for I’m I’m already invested so much forever so so many different dynamics of of incentivization happening in this thing is so anyway that that was I think it is important to lay that out and and this is probably the first time I’ve articulated it on the podcast but I just was having this conversation today with this answer the CD metaphor thing where it’s like you know it did that it’s it’s a problem that way so so that’s I will not be extracting money from people in that in that way I’d rather pay them to be in my in my Productions and feel better about it that way so getting back to the fun stuff in the production itself so imagining that that would be the way from now on where I’m like if you want to that’s basically what I just described about that circuit of three people as a minimum to starting point is like that is the that is first base now you know that’s first base because getting into the circuitry of actual intercourse that’s where it required that’s where we get into the medical the medical responsibilities aspects and we get into more of the karmic sharing we’re really swapping scum he’s on an astral level at that point more so than if it’s an outercourse thing and you can’t go back once you know I don’t want to sound like a prepaid only sound like a six- future but but they were right about this mean you’re not wrong about everything they’ve had no sex for anybody ever. Is not the solution to people having sexually transmitted demons running rampant all over the place and it’s about making them your friends and making them work for you not against you and making them expose themselves properly and in you know where it’s not a pure realm we are not going to be perfectly protected in fear we can strive for that and we can use Kundalini and Prana and mantras and all of our medicines in purgatives and things to create a cleaner vessel to make more harmonious more resonance more signal-to-noise ratio and that is what to me this is all about and why we are missing out so badly to not be like I see this if God is wanted you got it for not created to nipples I can’t suck both nipples at the same time I tried some women I can do it on I’ve done it and you can do it some women is possible but for the most part so what does that mean what are you do do you limit God or do you just find someone else to be on the left or right side of you you know what is the big deal so when I think about this math equation how many erotic how many out of the box meaning not really the selective like subjective nuanced little erogenous zones that people get overtime in our lives but the out-of-the-box everybody is wired this way count how many erogenous zones you have and how what is the minimum number of mouse penis and genitals or fingers are human appendages required to simultaneously stimulate all those places it’s more than one person I can tell you that much you know so I just want us to start there and be creative in 2N to learn how to understand that we’re missing out and we should be wanting to gamify maximizing human potential for orgasmic pleasure because that is exorcism orgasm equals exorcism in some cultures who are Les Les Mis Sara Lee poetic about the floury discourse of symbols about sex life like a Latin American Shaman is said about her sexuality in the end in her how she explained why monogamous marriage was not really a thing in a culture that permitted extramarital sex and it was that in her mind and I am not going to say her name to cool her but I will say to paraphrase the essence of this wisdom is that to her mind it was just like an orgasm is like taking out the trash and that is not that’s not to say that it is mundane or a chore it is that it is a responsibility of hygiene in your household of your body Temple you need to have orgasms they need to be fulfilling need to get the job done and that is the exorcism aspect of it so the howling screeching all of these things that are considered that witches were burned forming figli sounds that those are the sounds of actual Holiness the set of holy the sound of Holiness is a woman’s orgasm and so let’s make those come more abundantly and let’s utilize map map the erogenous zones out of the box and then map the additional ones that are my favorite song and when you talk to me like this and this certain place I’m in the back of my head there whatever and then everyone has their own map so we can learn each other’s maps and if you don’t know your own map then you can ask people to help you there’s people who would love to lick and kiss and touch you and head to toe to find and explore you and and from a breasted state of consciousness D nice and yes I like to will you bring out the best in me that’s all I think that’s all you guys add that I can’t top that is the way to end so then really that was we didn’t even know that we put the icing on the motherfuking cake by saying you bring out the Best in Me so there was a documentary about at the peak of my desire to become a a rock star in the the crust Punk metal genre grindcore all that fun stuff I was studying that I wanted to understand and clock the music industry so I was watching every documentary I could find understanding music marketing and all the stuff and then I found this great documentary about about Jimi Hendrix and and I believe it was his fiance at a time who later became his wife if I remember correctly and she was talking about the time where he was building momentum and getting lots of gigs but still underground and she said something that stuck with me forever and if this moment which is it basically the hidden tension was used turn Express yeah we we all knew he was going to get sign or we all knew that you was going to take off he was going to blow up and so she said it was just about if someone puts put the icing on the motherfuking cake you know and I know and I felt that we we’re ready for that and we did some we had some we had some ice and get put on a motherfuking cake we did you get you always want more but I look back and I don’t think we could handle more so we got what we got and now I’m on a different I have a different cake I have a different cake mix and I don’t know if it’s that time I don’t know if it’s time to put the icing on the cake or not yeah I don’t know I mean the cake it’s getting cold she heard it mean if you’d if anyone has icing out there can it please be stevia-sweetened go Steven Johnson I don’t know how to hack them will work on that today I know it’s actually what I heard is that it’s a weird additive that they used to cut it because it’s so super sweet that you would basically died of sweetness if you didn’t like the step on it with some other things so I think that’s why I love growing Stevia and having a leaf to munch on and put in the tea because then you know is nothing else being put into it and it’s just as powerful you don’t really need to if you had the the live leaves one leaf enough will be enough to knock your head off for an hour so yeah I know on that snow yeah we’re going to put this devious fresh leave puree motherfuking icing on the cake I will put the icing on my own motherfuking cake that reminds me in 1 minute I just when I thought we couldn’t go out with a bigger bang this is going to be at because there was a a ritual ceremonial I called we called apart emoni where was the Psychedelic birthday party and we smeared cake all over each other and had to basically devour for the birthday gal of her own cake and it was just nipples and asses and I wanted to be in after from there I was my breasts Elsa. Playing for sure that brother and brother best me for sure but that when I got to put the icing on cake my damn self so don’t let anyone fucking tell you that you’re not none of me if you feel like it I mean I think we’re done I just can’t I’m going to fucking drop my phone right now when I might drop my phone on the couch citizen of the count but oh shit it’s next level add icy Cipher geise that’s going to have some cake with that icing okay thank you for listening to the touch upon podcast please go to www.drudgereport.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and if you want a podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Tantra Punk. Com Thomas Day