Photo by Pete Longworth
In this episode I’m joined by a brave and courageous tantrika who shares a love for psychedelic spirituality and has been on a path of evolution set in motion by powerful transcendent drug experiences.
She shares her intense story of spiritual growing pains, navigating love and relationships, tantric initiation, and ultimately owning her power to teach and transmit the practices of tantra.
We talk about the differences between Yoga and yoga, the role of asanas and tantric practices in the path of self-realization and liberation, neo-tantra vs. classical tantra, the role of psychedelics in aging and maturing spiritual practice, the interplay between the chakra system, the nervous system, and the endocrine system, the intersections of biomedical science and tantric art and science, and much more!
Born and raised in New Zealand, Kara-Leah is an internationally-renowned retreat leader, teacher and author. She has impacted millions of people over the last decade through her articles, books, videos and teaching. Passionate about liberation in this lifetime, Kara-Leah practices and teaches an every day path of awakening – the path of the Awakened Heart Warrior. This path is grounded in Tantra and focuses on dissolving layers of the conditioned mind into deeper and deeper heart-felt presence. Kara-Leah’s work, through her teaching, writing and retreats, focuses on using the process of compassionate inquiry to reveal conditioned mind, and so help people to drop down into being-ness and presence. She is the author of two previous books, Forty Days of Yoga and The No-More-Excuses Guide to Yoga. She can often be found dancing in her living room for no reason at all.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello David Lovitz welcome to Township on podcast episode number 211 I am here with Carly Grant and she is a touch of teacher and author and we’ve been connecting by social media and my interest is piqued with the title of her book sex drugs and most of the yoga field notes from a Kundalini Awakening has a very similar structure and and serve residents with the title of my forthcoming book and looking at so far the outline of the book I haven’t had time to fully enjoy it but to be able to get a sense of what How Deep The the rabbit hole goes it’s really exciting and I can’t wait to hear more about it in this will just kind of be the the primer and the incentive to go deeper in the future with her works better love to have you tell us kind of all about your personal background and then we can get into the evolution of this this writing that you’re doing and what you have offering what you working on the future gifts from my ex and a background I’m in my early forties now and then finally experienced in my life and for the Whistler ski Town it was an impact time of dance holidays and club and working and Hospitality sucking out the Mountain hiking in the mountains around America convergence are included to the practices and tell me if it’s a nightclub that may just like all of my possessions if I didn’t have enough self a wenis or knowledge to work with what was coming up so those things also. and I was at 4 time music please to Ocean blonde with my partner engaged in my fiance I just took me to the edge we took on the Friday night not a whole lot you know what your headaches to see on Friday night and then I may be going to a yoga class on acid which is doing mines post three times and is it a super teacher kind of looking at me funny and that just began this is skating unfolding shift in my perception of reality that long story short went from Bliss Wellness instant downloads of everything to eventually starting to go into deep trunks where I was speaking a foreign language my fiance he we can do it like I lost touch with reality and waking up in the psych ward guy what the fuk just happened to me inside that it was like trying to psychosis and then life post psychosis where I’m coming from that is very interesting and exciting and I’ve certainly had wow definitely profound otherworldly experiences where I was completely disconnected with consensus reality and ended up in some very bizarre situations in can commiserate on that as well but it sounds like also somewhat glorious do you want to talk about what insights that were happening and how long was it last thing in and just yeah can you can you even almost in a way channel the that you were at that time to to give us some some fun insights about the other side yeah absolutely on the fishing on his side so that happened was right on the new moon that experience and it was a Sunday morning that it began on Friday and sedated the Friday night and saw it was about five day experience to those who are astrological things happening in the sky and then a month later to my fiance ended up breaking up with me right side face before and that triggered a stick and experience of psychosis so I had two experiences and what was you gave me an opportunity to see how the stick and experience is triggered by my own emotional defense mechanisms and the way that I couldn’t handle the grief and I ended up disassociating and because I’d already my psyche was already right John is already to reduce a multi-dimensional reality inside that stick in his time there was a list of the translate State Police of the crate is coming through the wasn’t the language Exeter so going back to the experience it was extraordinary how to put it into words we just kind of go back and feel it was it was as if I dropped into knowing you know it just old things worth knowing is one way to describe at like anything that I needed to know I was at my fingertips I could just reach out and it was like I knew every witch every song every book dissolve at one point in the journey but it was also via quite strongly and other points and because the experience was being held by the the challenging relationship I was in a lot of ciaran Tiara coming up going to couldn’t communicate with my fiance cuz I was so worried or afraid of what he might think of what I was going through and he was looking at me like I was crazy and I can feel that so the whole experience was are the light with all of this fear of speaking truth and this way that I was kind of responding to his description of me as such so the where lots of different visions that came around the nature of reality and it was it was so the child that the world is different from what we told school and what we told and Society was being confirmed and just a little Winston’s to like it’s never about what we want and it’s always about what we need that I need for always be Mitch witch simplistic or like me what does it mean it’s not really a big deal everything just seems so important and so profound and so when I was trying to communicate this with my pain. He was just my voice doesn’t make any sense in like one thing I remember quite clearly as he was wearing glasses he needed glasses and I was trying to tell him that in the future we wouldn’t need to wear glasses that we were shifting into the what I was saying in the future and what was actually happening now and so I keep trying to take his glasses off him and tell him he didn’t need them of course he saw he needed them so it was like I had an ability to steal through time but it was very hard to ground that into recognize what was actually real for right now since I was really confused child and suddenly having all of these talents will gifts or abilities, and have no understanding or no way to put them in context or to ground them or two to use them it was incredibly confusing and since you’re fine and you’re very Blissful at the same time in like a deep sense of relaxation is well it was all happening at once interesting very time shake that distinction contrast between the Bliss and the terror and it’s a magician that I follow sometimes online and and he’s talking about really deep really edgy taboo kind of exploration spiritually and he says he’s a one-time very often you know the aha moment turns to oh shit and like I can I can get that sense xhilaration but also that the terror and so wild so cheap do you feel like you had any Transmissions from beings or entities or deities or anything of that nature any kind of like encounter type moments now there wasn’t any specific mbodied other beings that came true it was more like just the same to the wholeness of the Wonders and just knowing that would come through around like I knew that I had to return to New Zealand and I knew that I knew that was related to my mother and I related to my life Jenny what was required. The whole time. To really encourage my memory as much as I could with what I had to see it and then when I begin to do is to attempt to pass out to determine would like to see been truthful Vision or was that psychosis was at the the same scar I mean I was so laid him down with him scar is still so they will what was coming through so it was a real challenge for me to go right what was real and what was just the delusions that I was still laboring under and can I tease out the gold while sleeping the wrist and so it was more so in any language is a particular form of breathing like a hissing where I was speaking even as I was inhaling and exhaling and I had a beer and I was I remember quite clearly watching that passion and the other language that was coming through very much later like last year when I went and saw hitchhike on a hooptie section when she went through things was that I was missing a past life that I’ve had in the Egyptian mystery traditions in so that life was getting confused with me being here and now and now but if we not still. Join us we buy different lifetimes will bleed into the apparent here and now in a way that’s not useful because we haven’t eaten most of the ability to walk in those different Realms 2 walkthrough time whilst leaving things with a minute today yeah that’s very interesting actually was in a meditation group but I went to the one I think maybe just one time I went to this one particular group where they had this skill said that they would apply which was basically this really intentional really highly focused laser focused rotational I gazing where the train meditator would do the sort of left eye to left eye eye gazing with everybody who came to the meditation Circle and there were also practicing or tradition of meditating with your eyes open but they the masters of this path or the adepts of this path they would cultivate I can’t remember the exact methodology that they were following but it was replicable and it was it was very reliable that they could do this in and they would basically be able to once you lock into the eye gazing with them within a few may be a couple minutes of intense eye gazing you start they start to melt away and you start to see them change colors and phase through various genders and and and personalities and and and bodies and faces from there multiple lives and they’re basically scanning and seeing you so it’s almost like you’re you sure it’s almost like you just wear like a deck of cards you know or a deck of it and you just have whatever is in the current consensus reality on the surface of it but if you have one of these meditators going to shuffle your your lifetime Persona ask you no cards and then it’s a real powerful experience so I’m very much in a position to to validate your experience has it in for people who are I don’t know I don’t know how busy I’ve been such a Believer for so long now I just can’t even imagine people who would say that multiple lifetimes or reincarnation is is to woo woo or you out there just makes total sense to me and I’ve had enough I haven’t had what I think some people mainly love Ayahuasca people I know they will the ones who who are the sort of facilitators of Ceremonies some of them I just say a number of them who I know they kind of report this pattern of them if they do the medicine path you know rigorously honestly for however long it takes basically they will start to get through their get through the Karma’s of the current lifetime start going back to previous lives sequentially and then also I think can currently doing work for on behalf of the people that they’ve had car make and take them it’s with over multiple lifetimes so it’s kind of like a you just start polishing one layer after next you know going to this is so anyway that’s very just saw my thoughts to it to validate that experience and I could see how you know that I mean I would like to ask you if it was LSD that cause disorder abrupt jarring Rift and so having comparing your other mainly psychedelic experiences and Explorations do you feel like how do you personally feel in your heart about LSD is that your friend is it your enemy is it your lover is your Trickster yeah I know it was my initial instincts is it was the only state that hit that had triggered at but it’s just so I can go by myself feeling like that differently united life with my partner and I wasn’t going I didn’t think again really into the spice when juicing translate state tax return connect Museum to wake light on after the second episode I didn’t say I would just stop drinking so I can place on anti-psychotic medication so she created Everything Gold fangs because I was really we are you doing anything that might trigger I was seeing a man and he hit some ice and he was going to type it and at that stage in relationship I was still quite greater than my share of triggering my psychosis again triggering psychosis again so I chose to take some don’t much like really small dice it enabled me to really witness and hold the intense emotions that would trigger it and that relationship was a very intense challenging relationship gave me the ability to witness and feel emotion and why I hadn’t even had prior and not react to it was I watching the rolling waves coming and fully feeling of adjusting out in it and so that’s when I started to realize I yeah I see that the usefulness of at least a. At this point in time when it’s not something that I just feel like I need to do any more percent but I have used it again and it has thing fascinating to see what unfolds in the nature of the psyche and your reality I’m sorry I just feel like it’s definitely my friends and I’m curious about it but it’s it’s not one of my allies necessarily oh thank you for sharing that yeah I kind of feel like when I was more of Gonzo psychonaut in early stages in my life and I will go pretty far out with that luckily unlike some of my friends who who had the the misadventure The Misfortune to over like literally not to point of causing any physical damage but overdosing on LSD can happen easier than people anticipate and it can have dire long-term consequences and I’m glad that you obviously reconciled and in and had the other skill sets going to worry didn’t just cause long-term issues but I know people certainly and I think we all probably know some people that they weren’t intending to but it’s easy to overdo it and so yeah I’m glad that are you able to to get to where you’re at but I would save myself to I just I learned a lot from it but but as a I guess I’m way more interested in the time-tested shamanic guided and I would say like I I I don’t feel I like to ask you if you feel like this comparing to the other medicines really I think it’s more of a it’s like the nuclear option you know of and it has a lot of risks associated with it I was saying beautiful things can happen but I just don’t feel like there is a a a spirit guide that’s assigned to that medicine from the greater sort of bureaucracy of Spirit guides and I’ve obviously mother Ayahuasca the sort of Grandfather peyote and grandfather which Yuma and then maybe you know giggly Elvish alien creatures for the mushrooms or whatever but still whatever it is there’s some sub something usually there according to my experience is another people were at work but it just feels like with acid there’s just not there’s not a a sheriff of that realm somehow there’s not right it’s just kind of like you’re on your own I don’t know if that’s it maybe you meet God or you get to see the guide her you’ll meet the deities that you studied if you’re very religious but but you could also get jumped by demons and not get your mind back for like this lifetime so my students it’s worth noting went to when I did at the at least I think I had a quarter for 10 it wasn’t even strong stop imported tonight interesting take at it feels like the whole structure of it and it doesn’t feel like there’s any particular guy with it where is cannabis and mushrooms and it was very much feels like I am communing with a being the plant you know I feel that being with me with the communication begins with the intent and withholding the material which is very different psychedelic Jenny it’s the container and the context and the intention and integration the goal of these things that we wreck around it a crucial and we are so many people that have just taken it with what do none of that so that way they do start to encounter these more terrifying aspects of the psyche of the archetypes of the underworld and what if they don’t have a framing or ways to work with it inside that’s when things can get really not like exploring Consciousness even a ground of a triangle that is safe for a psychic how to manage Instagram those are very good points and I actually it makes me think that we have a lot of a lot of policy and a lot of I think good wisdom that says that you should probably not be drinking alcohol or taking hard drugs or psychedelic set at early stages in life before your brain starts to fully mature and what not but this gives me a sort of food for thought that something I’ve never considered that there be like an age range were there be an upper limit bracket is well aware it’s like okay you have to wait till your message to start doing it but then at this age later you better stop doing it cuz it will be more trouble the FBI could do more harm than good I feel like if there’s one substance that for me it’s kind of like yeah have your fun with acid when you’re when you’re invincible and you’re in your you know late teens or early twenties and what not and taper it off over it’s over time because it can be you can be destructive I think more than the necessary and safe I think safer and and as we’re agreeing both have any more guided more support experiences that have been nurtured for thousands of years with you know even if we’re not in the Amazon or in the the traditional ceremony I still feel like the relationships that previous human beings have built have created a sort of like a landing pad pad for those those helper spirits on Earth and who knows with where we’re at with acid maybe maybe that will eventually happen but but it’ll be up to the youngins is there any way not to put it that down hopefully if anybody’s listening this and they are there really strong Advocates of a regular ongoing serious LSD used and then by all means come and represent that that side of things but with all that said I’m curious now can you tell us about how how did the Tantra proper come about into your journey yoga was going to be cheap out of my recovery let me know when the doctors to speak to a concert with some kind of spiritual experience and then I needed to really deep in my yoga practice I did that and ended up teaching started teaching in 2006 when I was asked to teach inside I didn’t get no matter what because I felt that Judy an obligation to my students and I started reading into studying the traditions of John cheever Ray that I really felt like all that’s woman I can learn from because the way that she taught there is something spontaneously in my practice around that time I went to LA in 2010 to do my teacher training was Sheba and she had Christopher Tompkins who was a tantric practitioner in Scola come on that training and Cheech the Tantra philosophy and practice portion of it and that was when I was introduced to Tantra and it just felt like coming home and Chris he gave us this particular practice which is just a daily a very simplified version of a daily practice that he found and he has been collecting from Kashmir primarily like literally hundreds and thousands of tired so he told us his practice and then he also initiated us and at the time I didn’t realize the importance of that I didn’t you know it was just to make it just a site this thing it wasn’t really a big deal so I came home and just keep doing that practice sporadically for about five years still not really going into 6th until I didn’t want people to think that’s what I was doing so I just quietly and I decided I wanted to do a thousand a practice practice to become a master serious as I want to master and ask legal commitment to show up every single day and then I dropped the ball for various reasons. I made it to 617 days and then drop the bull and I’m now on my 15000 days in a row and today is his it’s just revolutionize my experience of yoga my understanding of it of Tantra and it’s initiated such a date process of literally burning through some scars in, like I feel and about a year ago they internal guidance is like a Caillou really stinks this down time for you to step forward and teach it which not quite scary actually because it’s a whole different way to teach it’s a whole different thing that I’m teaching and then I’m transmitting and because I hadn’t had any contact with Chris and I don’t have it at 8 to hear and use a lymphocyte a big part of me was like can I do that if I can get my hands on and studying and living it I guess but I’m not sneaking with a lineage at this point in time but it’s time you need to skip forward again this side over the last year my experience has been enormously and I will and I have been reading every book I can get my hand on on edits it’s been an extraordinary experience to to Really grasp what it was where it came from how is lost as such and what it means to us and a modern lives now how can we practice the coordinates of the tundra Traditions arrives sorry it’s on you being the last stand up and say I know this stuff and I’m teaching the stuff that I’m bringing it through that’s what I’ve been doing to the last how to use well yeah this is very interesting I find it at it’s is I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise but it is it is a surprise I mean I guess the only way I can kind of reconciled is that the Wilderness is a beautiful documentary called yoga woman and it goes into just how much effort women had to exert resisting patriarchy in order to establish schools led by women to teach yoga around the world like it wasn’t it wasn’t it was a man’s a very patriarchal very hyper masculine secret control thing for a long time and then I don’t know why you wouldn’t expect that you would most people not like in the west they think o yoga that’s that that’s that thing that chicks do you know where something is like actually know I was a super you know control tightly-controlled Cult of male priests that were doing this so that they could you know experience forms of advanced practice that required bodies they were basically able to endure these extreme austerities and his extreme really religious Pursuits but it wasn’t necessarily that was very it’s in the very closed off and I I wasn’t too aware of that history somewhat somewhat sensitive to it knowing a bit about tantric history but just that film yoga woman puts a lot of perspective or you’re like while we take a lot for granted about how westernized things have got but I bring that make that point about that film because it’s it’s it what seems to have happened and I love to have your perspective on this but it seems like this false dichotomy between Tantra and yoga or tantric yoga or yoga or however however people want to mix it up it’s basically that the the more fully integrated Township practices for one within Tantra you have a lot of Shadow work a lot of left hand path a lot of black magic and so when I miss my understanding is a basically Christians and Muslims Came In Waves over the course of centuries and in the process of wanting to colonize and take over and exploit the people in the land of course they’re also having this moral Crusade against the darker forms of Tantra and then now in the modern world of India is the more sanitized versions of yoga are all that really remain above ground and then this country scriptures in the country practice is most of the darker practices have been have been at least band and there’s anti black magic legislation that I’ve read about and a lot of the that the Tantra Mantra practitioners are just selling black magic Services as a sort of snake oil saying in the Glorious more profound shaktism and goddess worship and what we would consider to be the more benevolent and benign path of Tantra that we I think in the west kind of whitewash the darker side of it but it’s it’s like it’s like it’s the whole thing was made Taboo in the whole thing kind of got tainted I suppose in in Worcester wrist and the Glorious aspects of it were sort of sanitized and so like I would just keep saying things like the modern yoga that we know on the in the west is basically the the kids version of Tantra because you’re not caught the whole set of teachings that go along with all the chakras in your not taught taught about the sexual aspect of Awakening Kundalini and the end of the ritual worship of the Goddess that like it’s funny because you say I mean I’m just looking at this in a macro sense of the telephone game at the store should a happens with coaches over time and what we end up with in the modern world in the west and it’s like the the yoga that that I have experienced in yoga studios in classes and with the yogis that are really a bad that I’ve met like again as you mentioned you could go almost decades in yoga and never even hear the word Tantra once and you could also and then even more disturbing to me when I did find honcho is that you could go years into Tantra and never hear the word goddess or Shakti so it’s like now I’m very curious and I know this was kind of a soapbox a little bit for me but I’m also just kind of it’s always interesting to me that moment where are Yogi discovers Tantra and then realizes wait a minute what what why was this why was this in the track at the at the at the movie store it’s like behind the curtain that you’re not allowed to go into and then you discover your like wow I’ve been I’ve been missing out or I’ve been I’ve been denied access somehow so I’m curious just if you could talk about with your mind you reconcile these two words and and in your studies what you feel like is the now that you’re teaching how it how do you tell people ask you what’s the difference between yoga and Tantra I mean the first thing I always wanted for defined as what do they mean by yoga do they actually mean Asuna what do they mean by liberacion this is Chris thing I always wanted to clarify mean someone uses the trip between yoga which is half ways to self-realization alliteration and the tools of yoga which included Asana pranayama chanting meditation but deliberation and if it’s basically a phone or text or identified with doing the perfect posture the very thing that’s me to deliver I do is actually taking you deeper and delusion and illusion Chandra is a methodology or an approach to yoga so if y’all get is self-realization Tantra is an approach to self realization and it’s the fast way it’s like the way that cuts through the bullshit need the thing that is most effective most powerful most recent and my I only do it now for physical reasons it’s like there’s no need for any any other capacity Liberation in so yeah can someone asking me about what’s the difference between a month is not a difference between tantrum you’re the one that it’s an approach to yoga and then I also want to clarify that means you’re actually interested or are you interested in joining us because but it’s not Liberation so don’t confuse I really appreciate that you mention how this is the the way to cut through the bullshit and also that it’s the antidote to living in the Kali Yuga because that’s something that I read in very scholarly works on classical Tantra and the you are very rarely hear people talk about that in Neo Tantra workshops that this is a very tactical and strategic set of really designer tools that that are specifically designed in the way that I liked reading about it was this point being made exactly to your point it is for this time that were in which is extra delusional and extra demonic and just as bad as it can possibly be and maybe it’s going to get worse before it gets better so you better have these very effective tools and basically it’s almost it’s it’s the way that I’ve read about it is that I mean to be a little bit rude even I would say that in the the happier go lucky or Golden Ages in the other wheels of the cycles of time they could be lazy and get away with it because they didn’t have as much Flack and they didn’t have as much resistance and they didn’t have to fight back as much so but from those time more more abundant Divinity on Earth and more benevolence in the cycles of time and then they had the time and they had the luxury to cultivate the tools get the tool kit that they were creating for us to use in this time to fight back in to defend ourselves spiritually so it’s kind of like if we can find this stuff on Discover it and work it and put it to use then we can get through this like karmic swamp that were in now and then if we can survive it as a species that we will have as according to the prophecies according to the this this way of thinking is cosmology then you know our progeny will really inherit a more beautiful time of your more beautiful more Golden Era and but it’s cement what we’re just in the the bottle next year we’re in the in this this Dark Age and so it’s just that he has an interesting concept that all this is a gift that we need to unpack you know it’s basically like a it’s like a time capsule or not Time Capsule but it’s basically like a it was as if they they buried these these these caches for us in the scriptures for us to discover and Unearthed and then apply them almost like we’re you know where Navy SEALS or special forces or something of that nature is kind of way I see it so I appreciate that you that you said that for us cuz I think a lot of people they don’t want to acknowledge they don’t that’s too it’s too much Shadow work for them or they don’t want to I don’t want to kill the five or killed be a buzzkill talking about that that part of it or are you using yogurt to liberate yourself right United Liberation is not about making life better it’s about Liberation to about truth about realization and what I’ve noticed is I need a cheap knowledge he’s for working directly with Consciousness so as one’s a wenis and ability to sense the subtle becomes more more refined prices began working with Consciousness for the someone who’s coming into practice who is living there and then in order to become aware of what is happening in Chinle for themselves I guess it’s just an assignment of being able to be a weird one securing on the inside me and I can start to do the most subtle practices near me because of the point that we apply the practice itself is not the thing the print just simply create the conditions needed for the process of dissolving and unwinding to begin to Heaven prices of dissolving unwinding samskaras in comas and that will happen when we learn how to get out of the way and hold the space which is the whole point of the practice the same as the process that creates the conditions for the process of Liberation to be put into action if you will and then we just have to keep showing up and surrendering rating go and letting it happen and there’s something else that is it in the contract that I just come across recently that like because these practices were secret they weren’t in the cheeks the written down but the chicks are only a loser and describe some of the practices they don’t describe the real secret the real case that was just like you said that they would come a time when it was necessary for these practices to no longer be a secret and actually to be spread far and wine and I feel like we need those who actually care about Liberation most secure about waking up they need to know what’s going on for the my need to know what tools to use I need to know I had a navigate there in the world have never got Consciousness and they need to understand what happens psychologically when people begin to dissolve the SAS guys and comments from previous in this lifetime of course as well and that knowledge I think is it just not out there very much at all okay now I think for anyone listening who hasn’t read it acquires many books or baby hasn’t been down this path so far I could imagine that you’re wondering that you would love to hear now I would love to hear can you go into detail about you know if it’s not too much of a secret now that we’re talking about kind of open sourcing this technology and in the modern world so it’s what is your what is this daily practice look like that you’re doing and then you could go to go from there and say describe I would love to hear in your words what is the outstanding difference in the the the tantric practices that that for Liberation that you are teaching that you have learned in your practicing now cuz it’s 8 for me it’s so interesting every time I try to explain what this is I have to start almost from scratch it’s just like such a naturally kind of elusive infinite con concept and so are every person who brings it brings their definition to me I feel like I’m that that blanks later that that empty cup you know so I don’t so I’m not projecting my headline ocean. It is very obvious just reeling to hear how other people articulate this bass you know a very personalized thanks so please but I’ll meet you before we doing this practice at that rate and so the practices is to warm up links with a blockages are for the brace retention and then it moves into a clearing and a diagnostic running a diagnostic in the clearing on the system using State exams at the chakras and placing them placing the Munsters The Sounds in that area is another way inside its checking in to see what’s clear once blocked what’s going on what’s Happening stage three is the disorder of the dates of the practice and this involves mujras and involves Chun Chang and involves visualization and involves invoking the chassis Shakti and Shiva and uniting them in the hospice and that’s the third stage what I’ve noticed is it’s it’s not super intense car has like three things. I’m out of the system out of the field when that is happening which is simply sitting back and watching what unfolds now that you’ve laid the foundation and done all the other stuff so watching the movement of Shakti Kundalini Prana watching at move around your body watching what the bridge does watching the thoughts of flight paths watching the feelings that come out and staying the witness or consciousness of that important really win the dissolving and the release saying in the unfolding that’s when Visions come through strong emotions in Cecil line healing deep trauma order that stuff will unfold and that last part of the practice so it’s so powerful that mean to keep Knology in the more you do it the more it will be in trigger the prices which is the road to innovation it’s beautiful and it brings me back to my first Tantra classes with Rhoda Jordan who is my initiatrix into Kundalini Shakti energy and rotating the spine and using the Moochers and mantras and movements that were dance movements and various expressions and also the guided visualization so I feel like you could come in off the street and have no esoteric leanings be a total skeptic be a total materialist rationalist agnostic atheist whatever and you could have this very palpable introductory-level I call it like a chakra tune-up a chakra tune-up you know like you were getting your Prana oil changed in your getting your. You know your chakra spark plugs kind of reline and what episode people have this and it is it can I think the the Austin is can be like a good warm-up or a good cool down but in the center or the heart of of a tantra yoga experience it is this massaging and moving of the Kundalini Shakti energy and using the sound to activate and facilitate like a a very unrestrained and very unrestricted flow of a tenor he’s so everything seems like it’s some working in concert in harmony to allow that energy to flow with his little obstruction is necessary it goes to the places where it’s needed most and isn’t just being wasted trying to blast through your stiff neck or something like that you know so I’m feeling just to get for people to get a visual of what were what were you talking about what this what all this is like if you had to if you had to explain it to explain this stuff to somebody who is it super scientific rationale extended believe in any of the magical or mystical or Cosmic elements how would you describe the you note to a doctor what what it is that you’re doing or if you had to do you were doing a corporate retreat in there like we need to know what this is going to entail on like a biomedical level could you translate it to those terms could I change my nothing that right b i g u is a lot to do with that option within the sound is vibrational I mean I really just want people to try it to do it but if I needed so I wouldn’t be able to but it also takes medical terms that I do feel like that’s possible now when it probably wasn’t possible 20 30 40 years ago with the way that science is advancing and quantum physics in particular in their understanding of Neuroscience in the wedding Neuroscience is beginning to understand the brain in different ways and met mystical experience and understand that how to change your mind by Michael Pollan and he’s got some great Bryant Brian science in there that looks like it’s just you know the way that people are frightened the world normally feel like science is stronger and stronger and stronger people just going to get on that label is which is going to really help with the spread of these practices when people start to realize how powerful they are as Technologies for working with Consciousness with working with the Brian working with the nervous system all of us. Will you articular that very well yeah thank you I don’t get it I think it is important cuz it said put some point I’m 100% in agreement with you and the way I would wear that to it is to say that it hits the the woo-woo and esoteric and far out practices of acupuncture and acupressure they’ve been completely accepted into the fold of Western medicine now it will at least to the extent that you can you can put that on your you know on your standard American list of therapeutic things that are basically covered with your help with your health insurance is not considered too far out as alternative medicine and so you know if we can take those Meridian is in those energy lines in if there is also the data backing it up because if there’s enough research done in besides that using the scientific method and they can say well even if even if the actual mechanics of it the quantum mechanics are still somewhat elusive at least we know that there are results in those results are measurable and so it can be validated and and recognized and acknowledged and so I think that the tantric healing particula. The trauma healing modalities will eventually get to that point that acupuncture acupressure is and there will be charts of the chakras in next to the anatomy charts in in the doctors every doctor’s office will just have the sound and I think the only thing that I would add to what you said about just trying to bridge that gap for people who may be total Skeptics is that I was fascinated when it was brought to my attention that the the major are crows and there’s obviously debates about exactly how many there are some people say there’s multiple third eye permutation chakras is obviously just as is many different maps of the chakras is there are lineage is a tantra almost but we’ve kind of mostly agreed upon their being seven major ones but basically it’s it’s it’s been noted in end hypothesize that there actually is situated literally on top of or within or basically at least in terms of the the Distribution on the body there pretty much right in alignment with the endocrine system glands and so the pineal gland that all of that basically going going up and down the spine of the endocrine system and that makes a lot of sense because if in the in the chakra system teaching country you’re talking about these essential personality and information processing organs that the truck was our will that’s exactly what these glands are doing or 10th processing intense amounts of information and also really defining and in programming our experience of reality on a chemical level so that’s that’s definitely very interesting to think about that enter play and so this was a really really awesome expiration and just kind of bringing it accident the fundamentals of Tantra but also helping to to put into context the need for a think you’ve given one of the best polemics so far that I have heard on this podcast about why to get deep into the deep the practices and and really the case for taking yoga to that taking the Austin is to the next level of the tantric practices and so appreciate that and I want to say yes so do you want to just spend sometime kind of giving us if you like to share a sort of closing meditation walk us through some of what you would have to offer an in it in a a training you know take your good however many of you several minutes or more you like to give a sort of either a signature meditation or something just completely spontaneous that would be great but and also either before or after give us your final words in your website links and where people can go to get the book and also anything else you want to say about the book anything else UTI you care to say I’ll let you just take over from here yes it’s Six Flags in my siaga it’s a meanwhile of my recovery from that experience Awakening / psychosis and and understanding of what a treaty was so that’s available on Amazon only online book stores you can get on my cell as well and I have a I have a retreat coming up in Mexico September 29th to October 4th at so I can Hotwire it activation plaid Entre for the modern world I will really be able to join this practice we’re going to take him to practice and really looking at how do we embody unconditional love right that’s the awakened heart Unconditional Love and Truth which is the warrior standing in truth and bringing that 4th and 2 + communities because my senses this world is that the more of us that are able to embody unconditional love in penis after the shift will be on the planet and nothing feels more important than that and grounding it and Tantra practice in an understanding of time should I visit a solid foundation the people to take that understanding and stick back into the communities of one of the limitations to do wish I could. Pointed a wenis one that just came through spontaneously once upon a time that I’ve been using for number B is now so whenever you want to have you sitting and standing with driving how if you’re listening to this podcast just bring your awareness to your breathing just starting to notice what it feels like to breathe really noticing the feel of the breath and your nostrils you might feel it down the back of your throat maybe you feel it under your collarbone so and your rib cage possibly all the way down into your pelvis even your tailbone just noticing nursing what it feels like to braid what does it feel like in your body when you breathe you keeping your wenis on your breath also become aware of your whole body whole body awareness in the crown of your head all the way down to the soles of your faith goodnight is saying what the brakes feels like in your body but all such feeling your whole body front of the body back of the body right side of the body left side of the body and just noticing you noticing any Sensations any pain need a duplex for Delaware to bring the way of your whole body Men start to become aware of the ground underneath the Earth maybe getting a sense of sending root down into the ground just feeling what it’s like to sit on the ground on the Earth getting a sense of the soils underneath you maybe having a sense of the Bedrock with a water table deep it down still aware of your breath we are of your whole body Rosa down three play aware of the earth ground feeling yourself reaching down into as deep as you can go and then retaining awareness of breath awareness of body weenus of ground expensive opening up towards the sky beginning to expand your wenis outwit and upwards all the way to all the way to the Earth’s atmosphere beyondmenu all the way to the Moon Beyond maybe all the way to the planets to Sun and even issue expand outward upward to the sky to the infinite Universe still aware of the ground still aware of your whole body and still aware of your breath holding all of them New Orleans Saints All Saint Grant body sky now you sound tourist center of it all even as you remain aware of it all sending out so much love to you all thank you so much being for this opportunity to stake into share thank you so much yes I was beautiful and always appreciate meeting new folks doing this great work and learning new ways of articulating this mysterious technology but this was one of the best one of the best times I’ve had learning and getting acquainted and appreciate it so much and hopefully we will be in touch and you always feel welcome to come back anytime you have things you like to share updates and yeah looking forward to turn off Liam’s sharing and in supporting each other’s efforts I’m going awesome again for you feel free anytime to reach out in the future and I wish you the best of luck in all of your endeavors and will talk to you hopefully soon thank you so much I took care that is a r a l e a h. Com listening to the podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Township Park. Com Thomas Day
This is a two part mini series of commentary on the making of the Sexorcism the Tantric Opera album. I explain the story and logic behind the title, and go into detail about each track’s backstory, lyrics, and context in my journey of tantric adventuring.
Part 2 has the added bonus feature of a full (yet low quality and rough mix) album preview at the end of the commentary. I humbly ask the listener to retain a copy of the podcast files as a security measure so that a “proof of concept” version will exist and persist within the distributed listener network until I’m able to finish the final mixing and mastering, and subsequently immortalize the work with an official release sometime in the next month.
This is a two part mini series of commentary on the making of the Sexorcism the Tantric Opera album. I explain the story and logic behind the title, and go into detail about each track’s backstory, lyrics, and context in my journey of tantric adventuring.
Part 2 has the added bonus feature of a full (yet low quality and rough mix) album preview at the end of the commentary. I humbly ask the listener to retain a copy of the podcast files as a security measure so that a “proof of concept” version will exist and persist within the distributed listener network until I’m able to finish the final mixing and mastering, and subsequently immortalize the work with an official release sometime in the next month.
AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello their beloveds welcome to Township hunting podcast episode number 197 this is a behind the album episode where I am going into detail about the backstory behind each of the tracks in my still as yet not fully mixed and mastered but I’m providing a rough rough mix version right now and I’m giving this spine the album Treatise if you will in a two-part at 2 part of a miniseries to cover this because something very well I have a a dual life another life is it a touring musician in a in a somewhat prominent Punk metal grindcore band and I usually keep those worlds as separate as humanly possible for various conflicts of interest are politically maybe it’s her matters and genres and things there’s there’s definitely a reason for me to have to compartmentalize the different aspects of my my life and so I don’t normally talk about it doesn’t normally come up on the podcast or in the in the world except Township Uncle though the reason Township Punk is not your pockets because I have been in bands and have been in that scene for most of my life and and it informs my spirituality so nips all that is to say that actually I’m about to go participate in that world and go and be on a tour with that van and so for me it is a best practice of data hygiene of being a scribe in an archivist for myself to say every time before I go on a tour where my from a infosec kind of perspective an operational security perspective when I go on the road and I’m touring in a band by attack surface exponentially increases for so many reasons it’s but it’s obviously you’re you’re away from your element you are exposed to all kinds of different jurisdictions you’re in the middle of all these this debauchery and bars and clubs and all ages venues and you know is violence there is a legality of all of All Sorts just in the world of being a touring musician so so basically every time in preparation for one of these Adventures I try to do my best to kind of backup and consolidate my files and really make it easy for people to follow the the breadcrumb trail and hopefully in the case of my psychedelic sexual shamanic research material for that to be easily catalog in for people to be able to if they so choose carry on with replicating my procedures and replicating a my research and experiment to study designs so the podcast has been away too too fairly neatly organized the chronology of my works and and also the music that I create is part of documenting and in its it’s really a it is the research it’s part of the packing up the research and so that’s all that is to say that what I’m doing right now with this two-part series is making a timely effort to ensure that all of the work that I put into producing these tracks which are not yet fully released in terms of being licensed for global distribution input into the finalized ultimately point of no return Masters like right now I still have some room to to remix in to fine-tune and get some professional mastering done in a Russian as a sort of emergency measure to make sure that I have something out there as my proof of concept that will outlive me should anything knock on wood goddess forbid bad happened to me out there on the road you know the sad thing is that in this world of everything being on third-party platforms and having to pay for hosting services and whatnot I were not fully there yet with the immutable unsensible black chain file storage and distribution networks are very very close. Probably about a year away from being really the the ideal solution for pressing a button and having your whole life’s work backed up in a way that can never be destroyed or forgotten or low-cost or mishandled or tampered with an altered so given that you my dear beloved listeners right now are my best and Only Hope In This Moment of immortalizing the work that I’ve done on this album sexorcism the ton truck Opera because I do not have time at this moment to finish the final Masters and get them lodged into the Matrix of the the music industry by licensing them up through CD baby and all that and I’ll distribution networks you were my best and only option for backing up this material so what I’m going to do is I’ve recorded already a few months ago when I was also in at the moment of feeling like that the walls are closing in on me and I felt the need to too well like a plant going to see if you don’t understand is if a plant would normally grow and have a nice fully is nothing but then it gets stressed by heat or or drought or something it will just bolt it will go to seed so that’s what I’m doing I’m bolting I’m going to seed somewhat prematurely here and I hope that the seeds are harvested and can be propagated from and if and if I get back from the store and everything is great and I can move on from this then then by all means you will have done a huge favor to me just by not deleting these two episodes your app if you’re using an app probably automatically deletes the files after you download them and streaming what not but if you could do me a huge favor and eventually I will be monetizing this in in incentivizing this meaning that I will find ways to pay people to maintain copies of my work but for now it’s a gift to you a free not fully polished not fully high-resolution version but on the second episode of there will be the full album in its rough mix form for your listening listening pleasure hopefully not displeasure but if you could at least hang on to that for me as a favor then we I know that all this work will not have been in vain if anything happens to me and then like oh yeah then disappears album didn’t get officially released album doesn’t exist no one knows it no one can find it whatever you have a copy of it now if you save the part 2 of the series cuz part one is just going to be the half of the album’s behind the tracks commentary and in reading and lyrics in in part 2 will be the second half of exactly that plus the full album at the end so these files are going to be slightly bigger than normal apologize for that but your again do me a huge favor so yeah with that said this is for the remainder this episode next episode you’re going to be hearing my commentary on this new album that I am about to officially release and this is the sort of pre-release secret exclusive sharing of the the material with my my podcast listener so thank you again for bearing with me and all this madness and I hope you enjoy this series and I will be continuing to publish episodes from the road and you can wish me luck on all of those Adventures out there now bringing the spirit of raw loud wild chaotic Liberation out into that that sector the punks X are so all right with us said enjoy thank you. Mistake Okay so sexorcism the tantric Opera the album recruited a title track sexorcism tantric Opera it is track number 7 we will get to it and sequence but this is sort of a another desperate Poor Man’s maneuver to Lodge this medicine into the Matrix and when this witness album is Is mastered and mixed and officially licensed and distributed into the into the actual through the publishing through the digital Distributors he’ll get it into the main centralized networks for this to be Primetime and accessible to anyone on the web what not that’s really that is a huge form of validation for for my work and the probability of me getting picked up in the I want my money back up and say that sexism the tantric Opera is the name that I came up with for what is now a series of short documentary films most of them featuring music and very prominently music as the driving force that is the Shakti that produces the induces the dance and makes the the medicine work happened it it’s it’s it’s it’s not guaranteed that then I’m going to win any awards or get into the Sundance Festival or anyting with this material and again it could be just completely lost last time so one way that I can hack the Matrix is to put out an album and album is for less than $100 through CD Baby bless their hearts and by all means if your musician you should be listening to the DIY musician podcast which is your beautiful podcast that I love and adore but so now for after all of those all of those years of frustrated desire female for musicians to ever have any actual recordings of it work let alone distribution the recordings you know now where the time where for less than a hundred bucks you can take your work and you can upload it and you can pay to have it be haven’t have the barcode haven’t get the the legal processing in the publishing and all of the rights and all the thing everything all of that extremely the width of the Witchcraft you know that it is the sort of tradecraft where all those middle people had all of that Paris attack power now they’ve I wouldn’t say it’s not cutting out to the middle people in that process so much it’s just because of Technology it’s been streamline so what I can do what what I can’t do is like very sustainably pray for the miracle that I get a lot of recognition for my video projects that is just not efficient to tip to try to to try to pray for that but what is efficient is to say okay well I can take this title this exorcism Itachi Opera I can make it into a title track of an album I can make it an album title and if I Lodge that material into the music industry then it will never go away I can die I can disappear all of my Works can can dissolve into nothingness and I have some guarantee that this the gods of the music industry will forever be archiving this material it becomes Immortal in that way so it’s it’s just it’s to me it was a tactic to adapt this this into into an album and really it’s been a bunch of scraggly as singles that have come through over the last couple of years since the first two albums were released I released both two albums I think on the same day Earth Day 2016 I was blessed while living at the at the queendom with magic fucking pussy and her to previous podcast episodes where I go into the behind the albums on those two and I go into the tracks I do exactly what I’m about to do right now but since those those albums released you know the creative Inspirations and in N pockets of death of Howard call free time but but the pocket the gorilla time that I’ve been able to put into tracking it’s put in kind of a hodgepodge of of tracks and so now we know based on the pressure that I’m under I’m saying okay I’m going to I’ve got to do this tactical thing and I’ve got to put these tracks out there so I’m going to do this album I’m going to give it the same title as the as the documentary series title and of course really these tracks are all always kind of weaving in and out of the soundtracks at my films anyway like I’m basically my own I’m doing my own scores for my own works and so is very complimentary in that sense as well but this is my opportunity to to talk about the intentionality and to give the the companion manual for navigating the tracks of this album so first I will just give the titles won by one and then I will go into each one of them and what they mean and and what they’re trying to say and how to best interact with them as an application by spiritual app musical spiritual app if you will so track number 1 ohm namah shivaya track number 2 feminist pornstars track number three you don’t need a man track number for math Archie track number 5 Enjoy the Silence track number six psychedelic goddess worship track number seven sexorcism the tantric Opera track number 8 holistic debauchery so sounds like a typical Friday night with me a handful of mushrooms and what I’m affectionately calling my new pick your poison mind I call it hard Coco like hot cocoa but hard cocoa and I’m mixing tequila which is a paleo friendly agave-based non grain alcohol mixing that with raw organic powdered cacao and Stevia and organic almond milk and creating kind of like a of liquor is a Paleo non sugar low to no carb liquor with this beautiful cacao ceremony effective opening part very very wide and Anna as you can tell opening my fucking mouth too so you know if you don’t like me hear my voice like stick your nipple on my mouth or something to show me up if you like or whatever else you got I’ll take it for the mouth is open My Heart is Open the hard Cacao is flowing I’m going to toast on the microphone right now with my jar of hard cacao take a sit I would love to be licking that off of your whatever right now okay back to business so om namah shivaya the most cliche quintessential Hindu Tantra Mantra of Devotion to Lord Shiva who you we should all know and love but I’m just going to go straight from the wiki Wikipedia here home to my shivaya is one of the most popular Hindu mantras means salutations to the auspicious one or adoration to Lord Shiva I’m just picking and choosing a bit here from the Wikipedia here this Mantra is repeated verbally or mentally drawing the mind in upon itself to Lord shiva’s infant all-pervasive presence okay now I have a place in my heart for Shiva witch it should come as no surprise that as an intercom Punk who is in Rebellion against all things patriarchal and religion I have a hard time I was it’s been easier for me to seek the goddess then to seek God in in in in even the Eastern form and Eastern forms Shiva was a soft sell to me because he’s such a fucking punk and then he’s such a baby right he is some people say you know I want to get ripped like Jesus but really you know Shiva put Jesus to shame and he and he’s a dancer and that is so important he’s a pothead he’s a weed smoking I wouldn’t it’s borderline womanizing let’s be careful about that but in all of the different stories about his his sexual exploits with women let’s hopefully giving the benefit of the doubt and you know he’s he’s definitely a Playboy he’s the fucking spiritual Playboy par excellence and he’s ripped and he smokes weed and everybody loves him and in everyone worships his cock because the Shiva lingam is in no uncertain terms and not in no hidden in plain sight we’re talking about the the very the quintessence of worshipping the the male genitalia and it’s sacred form here so in its Cosmic form in Union with with it was often called the lingam Yoni so I’m just really right now off the cuff just this is the this is not the most devotional way of speaking about Lord Shiva course but I think he would he would be with me and understand and really what all of these archetypal beings are is there just opportunities are invitations for I think each of us those who are seeking a masculine and divine masculine archetypes a heroic figure if it’s very much like a super heroic archetype is it that that is to be aspired to and for me again why it’s been like a softer cell for me to 210 sing his name and sing the name of this archetype is that he’s basically represents a lot of what I hold here you know and so yeah that should come as no surprise now the reason that I would say this came into my my field of course I said in a previous episode on when I did the the track psionic fumigation that was the first dabbling that I did with invocational mantras for the Divine masculine and it has the proof’s in the pudding and there’s a there’s a lot of power in that that I discovered and with this with Omniverse shivaya it was not a practice that I had of sitting around and doing singing this Mantra repeating this mantra for my own daily connection to the Divine masculine I guess you could say I could kind of take it or leave it not to be not to be rude but I think with all the mantras that they come into my life I I I don’t force them I don’t necessarily think they come in at the right time from the right source for the right purpose and and it’s not just you know willingly I would say there’s a reason for it so there’s a very beautiful backstory to why and how I started to get romanced with Shiva and with his Mantra and it was that sound well this is kind of tarantino-esque the way I’m going to deliver the story but it kind of looks that all goes back to a I think it was Valentine’s Day probably 2016 when I had a Skype date that I was ghosted on and and stood up for and I was so thrown off balance by that that I snapped and I did something that I never thought I’d be capable of doing which was to go on a a sort of global campaign to solicit women from all over the world on OkCupid and sort of build this Amalgamated outsourced cumulative rebound validation effect coming from like okay fine you know that the woman who who I trusted to do good care with my heart and soul on Valentine’s Day even when not in the same city but we could have we know we were going to just have a Skype they just talk and it was like totally flaked on so course you know I felt like I felt like a doormat or not even doormat and I felt like I just fell through the floor of reality when that happen and I had this rebound thing so I started saying okay fucking I’m going to see what it feels like to get validation from hitting up women from all over the world and maybe I’ll find you know humbler sweeter more attentive more appreciative maybe even more impoverished people who are going to like say hey this is I mean maybe I’m missing out on some economic Arbitrage here with like relate love and relationships and maybe there’s like people in the world who were like it would be that I would be there fucking like Cinderella you know I will be there Disney Dream Come True Ultimate Fantasy and maybe they would give me the time of day and maybe they wouldn’t flake on me and I would get validated and but with being trying to be careful not to exploit or abused or manipulate or or hurt or harm them but I did that that’s a huge Karma krys could I you know and and also just seems like he’ll he’ll worthless and useless why would I try to develop a long-term distance relationships whatever but now I was in a frenzy I was mad I wasn’t saying I was crushed you know how it goes and so I just said fuck it and so I went on this campaign and then I started blasting out messages searching for women all over the world continents all over the fucking world and I thought you know whoever I’m panning for gold here and I’m going to be very meditative in this process and whoever I shake out of this whoever shows up you know they were meant to be because I talk like this is hundreds of messages people all over the world you know we’ll see what we’ll see what happens so low and behold it came down to a handful of some of the most beautiful and exquisite Souls that I’ve ever met in my life so again it’s the dumbest thing of like you never know it’s neither fortunate or unfortunate when something happens and you know you got to wait for the bigger picture to unfold so I can now look that woman who stood me up for a Skype date in the eye and if she would allow me to give her a big wet sloppy kiss and thank her so much for creating a space for me to do this crazy wild thing because it opened up these new experiences and it and it connected me with these new people who work for my teachers you know all women are my teachers and and sometimes vice-versa but certainly I’m always learning from him and I don’t know if they’re like tiny for a fever but I’m always learning for women and so the one that is the Catalyst for this only way she’ll never see if I attract she was a nineteen-year-old Bangladesh Bangladeshi young woman who lived in the middle of a war zone between Hindus and Muslims mostly Muslim extreme terroristic violence having bombs going off people dying melee Carnage in the streets and she’s talking to me about how we’re talking about the Goddess were talking about how she loves to wear her sarees and we’re talking about the aspirations she has and how she can’t the difficulty that she has getting to class to go to class because of all the terrorism happening around here and it’s like okay this is humbling to any of the women who have encountered in my immediate context to have for whatever reason been flaky or distracted or insincere or looking over my shoulder because I’m have enough money or whatever it is like it’s like that at all evaporates when you come I’m going to say you and I come into contact with Truly Deeply humbling women who are in the fucking trenches of patriarchy of these deep deep levels it just makes me look at everyone who was operating on a more frivolous level and it just like whatever attachment I had to them proof if I can get some generated so this woman is like able to steal and it while I I it was easy to fall in love with her through the internet and the dialogues we had it’s just I I have it saved this is us will be part of my archives because this is so epic I mean the most fucking romantic Tyler of my life you know coming from this and in another few other women from other parts of the world but this International exploration this one this one gal here if you know she really humbled me and that the dreams she had you know God is temples and restoring the the goddess of for traditions in and creating peace and she wanted to rescue dogs and she loves dogs and so we talked about how she could be training dogs and have a animal animal sanctuary in all these things so this is the de magic of Romancing are dreaming up all the stuff but she was really suffering and really distraught and really struggling and I wish that you could be with me you know she was missing me or she was starting to and I would say this is where it gets dangerous cuz you know people will start to addicted and you got to be careful will you promise in in in your now I say I noticed that she is found healthy love and relationships are in her own enter run zip code so she’s not waiting for me by any means she’s not like I didn’t break her heart or anyting like leaving her on and I certainly don’t have the means to like support her and be her around mail-order husband or anyting but what I was able to do is make an authentic connection to talk with her and have an understanding with her and so the best thing I could do for her giving her sick and her circumstances and I were or are distances I said okay you know what I’m going to make a track for you that’s going to be the thing that you can always rely on to feel not just my love but the did the love of the Divine masculine that’s the promise of Shiva the promise of having this archetype there is that you can say the names you can invoke the names and you can have his spirits appear to you and be present for you and to love you and to be to be your your consort working for it to be a sexy fucking concert I mean a dead fucking body a dead-stick rotting and bleeding the course of that fucking expression it’s not it’s it’s not just pretty morbid and it’s not very empowering and it’s not very it’s not very juicy you know if he’s so is Shiva is very fucking juicy this guy is dancing is guys beating the drums is guys smoking fucking doobies you know he said he’s in love with the clicker goddesses all the goddesses are fucking fighting over him you know this is a way juice your guy to have in your prayers in to have his part of your erotic development and a part of your your sexual Spiritual Development so. That’s what time she is all about like having your fucking cake and eating it too thank you very much so so I invoke that archetype for her in a crate this track for her and I and I just think about will how can I how can I really afford her like she’s not really you know she’s going to Tantra school you know she’s not she’s trying to like just kidding I don’t know of engineering job or just get skip to get a fucking paying job and if she’s not doing the esoteric Sanskrit studies whatnot so I’m just trying to like be there for her say okay look this is something that I think will be helpful for you whether you know no matter what happens between me and her she can always you know drop on this archetype she can always feel this love here it is it’s it’s it’s open source public resource love that is Shiva so so she was my shoe is my best attempt to encapsulate that Essence in my words and here goes and now so in the form that you can hear the track you’ll hear my bowfin my counterpart in this music sufiyana who is my scholar of Sanskrit my true goddess devotee and embodiment who has been in and out of various tracks over the years and so she provides the female voice to this so when I say it’s like a there’s like a call and answer thing going on in the first in the verses here it goes so from my voice I say from my Shiva and she says your inner God and I say to your Shakti and she says my inner goddess and I say I will support you and she says please support me and I say when you need me and I need and she says I need you now so it sounds like this from our God to yours support you to please support me when you need when you need when you need me so that’s the dialogue between Shiva Shakti I’m saying for my Shiva to your Shakti I will support you when you need me she says your inner God that’s Shiva my inner goddess has Shakti please support me I need you now I see in the next iteration of ruse from my Shiva to your Shakti I take your pain away please take my pain away she s with Divine Healing I say and she says with your love and that the if you see what I did there that idea is it with Divine Healing and she says with your love that is Divine Healing is love love is the painting if you have it 2/8 can be reduced to 1/4 it is that right if somebody help me out here so so moving right along the chant goes into the chant om namah shivaya om namah shivaya and we’re saying the devotional terms going down giving thanks appreciation to Lord Shiva and then it gets into the deep the deeper kind of more intense part of the track and I’m saying close your eyes wherever you are take a deep breath feel my hands on your heart I hold you close from behind warmth from my breath send warmth from my breath send shivers down your spine and goes through a couple more verses and choruses and then the next Serta Bridge here goes into I turn you around look into your eyes Kundalini awaken see your smile grows wide in the moments when you feel alone remember our dance is your Eternal home so it’s pretty self-explanatory nothing super mystical there but the idea is that there are a lot of lonely women out there and not just women I don’t need to get this doesn’t need to be gendered anyway but in the context of where this came about and I would my intent was with this young woman was to say you know whatever your boyfriend did that your vengeful about that you’re having trouble forgiving and forgetting and moving on from whatever your next boyfriend may do that is unsatisfactory or disappointing however I may succeed or fail in loving you you know all of these feeble and frail and body men in your life they really will never hold a candle to this broader archetypal Essence which is the the ideal that we’ve constructed of what we believe is like infinite unconditional beautiful masculine love and they say they created hell of a hunk you know to to to make that easy on the eyes to do so lucky bastards always Hindu people who have Shiva to look up to is there you know is there a non-acidic very ecstatic very and body Very sensual very erotic very musical very psychedelic yeah I love interest so nice I feel like that is the red Tantra you’re not feeling left out in that department while I’m being stimulated and everybody is being stimulated sexually and everyone is feeling a part of a closed circuit that is meeting everyone’s needs in in and there’s no favoritism there’s no hierarchy the really so Ben and if anything I am as the man I’m on my back and that is what time trick Kali worshipping actual full fully pornographic and I hesitate to use that word was fully glorious erotic depictions of the circuitry of how this stuff works so if it’s if you’re not approve any 3 I mean if you’re not so sexually stunted then you would just understand that these icons are just road maps to the spiritual terrain of understanding the energetics of Shiva Shakti god goddess energy so we’re designing with that and we’re creating a maximum hydraulic energy flows in in in a way that is very egalitarian actually inhibits the growth of the ego and that sense of so-and-so I’ve experienced this in not that exact formation but that’s why I aspire to be a porn director so that I can I can work with people who are very comfortable taking Direction and are not going to lose their minds and so I actually had this conversation today they’re what makes me not a cult leader and what prevents me from ever becoming a cult leader is this one fundamental thing right but I have to study cold it is to know how not to be a quote later cuz otherwise I would just be cranking out so much Kool-Aid day Kool-Aid would have to invent a time to punch flavor you know I got to be sponsored by Kool-Aid the Kool-Aid man oh yeah it would have it I make my own Kool-Aid Man Township anyway after dark okay I wanted how they’ve not sued like I have all of the libelous memes and they feel bad for the Kool-Aid guy I didn’t fucking poisonous people man I don’t mean to be making fun of them and I really got to get serious about not making a joke out of the people who died in the massacre Crazy Eights it’s it’s it’s public domain now to make a joke to either the expression people say don’t drink the Kool-Aid it’s because people at Jonestown were by a charismatic cult leader who was it was an extremely right with it skips a generation maybe but that’s how memes get formed yes so I mean that’s how they sort of deprecated the roots and you say things that we don’t know how does the reason we’re numb it so they don’t drink the Kool-Aid means don’t consent to a groupthink. Virus that makes mass suicide be acceptable and so they poisoned the Kool-Aid punch and that’s how everyone can scented make give it to their kids and everyone is like this is fine and some people try to protest and they were silenced and some people try to run away and it was a nightmare and it was absolutely what I would I must not allow myself to become as a priest that uses sexual mind manipulation and coercive tactics to trade love and affection attention and orgasm for 4 unquestioning devotion into the point of suicide so that that’s the extreme case that that we that is a litmus test for if you were going down that slippery slope but I actually tend to want to study the mental illness of sociopath sociopathy narcissism and I would like to consider myself a benign I’m the benign narcissist I know that that is a character flaw that I am not how we going to like defeat by doing the past limitations as many times that night and I’m going to roll with it and I’m going to say yeah I will be like Howard Stern and I will be I’m going to if I’m going to be this personality I’m going to make a bonsai tree out of my own ego if I can and have other people help in the process but but things going going back to the to the cult thing and what me what gives me the authority to design this orgasmic Orchestra what why and how do you not just become a colder than soy everyone you meet is basically in that on that game board now how am I going to manipulate you to be in this in this position that I would like you to be in to fulfill my fantasy of engineering all this town truck stuff and and if I’m if I’m this is well that’s spit out the Kool-Aid don’t swallow I think what we’ll get to that for sure that’s going to be a we’re going to get to that but can’t forget that we’ll save that for the for the most triumphant moment the climax is when we’re going to use that it’s so precious now after it’s been built up so ever since a joke that’s going about 2 it’s going to explain come on your face it’s going to come on yesterday and you’re going to beg for it and so hits is it is I’ve had people beg me to come in the third eye and it was hard to resist but this is going to be almost as good as that sharing you this one liner inside joke and just a minute but to wrap up this sort of dark out thing that we were doing with the coal thing is that it how do you know how do I hedge against being the creepiest man every like people think that Barney the purple dinosaur because he and forgive me if I’m butchering the facts here but as far as I know he’s doing what I considered to be taboos for me which is charging women money to have sexual penetrative intercourse with them above all without protection and making that into a to me that’s not a scalable business model and you can ask your doctor wife but Barney I mean I get it and I get that that’s the love thing being cultivated generated so I think I don’t know whether I consider that good pressure bad press for modern Neo Tantra or what not but I’d love to have them on the podcast I’m sure it’s going to happen and I can’t say that I was a fan of the art form of Barney the purple dinosaur but but but I would love to get to the full story and also talked about the ethics and this medical the medical duty of care that comes with sexual and pinch of intercourse with anybody so anyway that’s the sad but who were talking about okay what if you were intrigued and maybe turned on by me talking about these erotic circuit boards then you also have to be somewhat red-flagged and starting to cringe and go where how old is this get arranged in what are the incentives and how do you how do you manage the Eagles and how do you who’s in charge it’s like you can’t it’s a scary thing but you wouldn’t work but that’s why when I went when I say what I realized for me the aha moment in my sexual career was that if I want to have out-of-the-box sex I have to pay lots of money for it from professionals who have trained her nervous system to do theater performance of sexuality as escorts or as Dom’s or as porn performers because they’re good sports they’re not spoil Sports about any of the stuff for the most part if they’re treated well and respected and then contracts are here too and they know what they’re getting into and hopefully they’ve matured and hopefully their brain has developed to its full capacity IE the age that it takes to actually I don’t say that to you exactly so you better know there’s a dimension of Ethics when it comes to harvesting teenagers for your for whatever Annette and I have had some of the best sex in my life as a 30 year old being fucked up fucked senseless by teenager in a row in a monogamous relationship and I will I will tell you that it’s it some it was worth the daddy issues that I had to deal with it was worth reparenting her and it was worth every bit of emotional kind of awkwardness that there wasn’t some of the an Amex because she was such a good full spirited Prime late night it was funny cuz I was like I want to settle you down and basically like I could teach your making a kid with ADHD sit in class is like no she wants to fuck wildly she wants you to perform more than you possibly ever could even at 30 and and she and she is not she doesn’t need these esoteric practices too heavy multi-orgasmic she’s fucking coming or brains out like so hard and I and I couldn’t sit her down the aisle still enough to do any of the practices that I thought were going to be so enlightening and went in the great thing is is it a fuck it like it is certain point you just say no guru there’s a song about it’s like no guru no no scripture No play just in the Dow of the thing so anyway so that’s a side note to say there is a sacred place for adult for fully mature brain develop adults to be having sex with teenagers and and I know that it can be done because I’ve done it but it also takes you can’t just treat them like a commodity please you got to you got to think about pedagogy Nikki learned from the person that you’re teaching teaches you things to like a circle so then so we’re talking about these ethics and where I wanted to just close that point about how I do my best to not be a cult leader I thought I figured it out pretty simply and correct me if I’m wrong but basically it’s it’s I dare you to to indict me for the the criminal and civil liability of misconduct for for for structuring a certain way so this is how I this is this is very simple as this is like this I said that this is a different the difference from a cult leader is that I’m a porn director I pay women to be directed and then I pay whoever I want to I will I will I will choose performers who I resonate with for whatever we would like to do together to make beautiful art and and I will compensate them and pay them to take time out of their lives to be a part of my design and to be directed by me they’re not paying me for healing for enlightenment for direction for guidance and I’m directing them and Meghan gratifying myself and taking their money in convincing mind fucking them and taking more of their money and more than money until they don’t talk to their friends because of and that’s how Colts are basically extractive from their students the colors are extracting from their devotees the difference is how many colors do you know that actually give their devotees money I will pay you oh now I’m making corned a porn director and I am more karmically correct than the fucking Guru who is fucking having people kiss his feet and take your money so who would have thought that the corn directors were the most enlightening Yogi’s to ever attempt to be divine and I have my favorites and I’m a fan of some of them I want I want to see the names but right now but that cuz I wouldn’t want to leave any out you know what I mean bless you all for paying people to direct them into your Twisted fucking fantasies and giving them that dignity like hats of their not wondering about it cuz there’s that was having a conversation today it’s like a buyer’s remorse if I say to you I’m just saying if you remember when you had to if you were old enough to know that there was a day when when when your allowance equals one CD for $15 so humorous if you never had experience this is important I think this is important teaching is important teachable moment is that is that and I don’t want to be today. Take care no man’s planning anything in them to have fun here but this is like this is this is late so here’s the funny thing though you think about I remember what it was like when I had to convince myself that amusing that a CD that fucking sucked was actually good because I paid money for it and I would not let myself suffer the indignity of having made a mistake so I was in a state of denial and delusion so so so feeling this isn’t meditation okay everybody think of something that you paid money for that you discovered was in the zoo is suboptimal and you used mental gymnastics to convince yourself that you actually liked it even though you knew deeply that you didn’t like it but it was called buyer’s remorse it was called the sunk cost fallacy of sunk cost fallacy is that because you invested something into this you have to continue beyond the point of no return because you can’t live with yourself other ways so that is this Twisted perverse placebo effect that happens when it’s like I went to the sex guru to get healed and he said for 9999 I would get here and but I but I could also upsell to the bonus extra double healing deluxe super Cosmic Crystal trademark excetera right thing and try before you buy money back guarantee accessories that you’re all of his legal he’s in fine print all the stuff but there is but that’s where it is we’re expecting to have some result that you paid money for and you will question whether or not okay did I was a hole in my heel did I pay enough money to pay more and some money and it is it distorts things and you did it it did contaminated in a way for that so I’m skeptical that I can be done right in that sense and that’s just me so what I say let’s work in the garden together my time equals your time and now we’re planting trees equals an hour of Yoni massage your prostate massage and therefore it’s a flat equal everybody has the same it’s his first come first serve you know and orgasms for work shirts that was my hand jobs for Humanity and helping a tree with two or so you’ll see it yeah it’s a white paper was written so is he ever gets faster so so that’s how I’m not going to be a cult leader is that I’m not going to charge people money to be Pawns in my game of or are you going to be players in my Game of Thrones Township Township twister you will get paid handsomely to be in my theater my game of Township twister and you can quit you can get any time you know that’s that’s that’s the thing to you won’t be like oh if I walk away now you know that then where I’m not like what I paid for I’m I’m already invested so much forever so so many different dynamics of of incentivization happening in this thing is so anyway that that was I think it is important to lay that out and and this is probably the first time I’ve articulated it on the podcast but I just was having this conversation today with this answer the CD metaphor thing where it’s like you know it did that it’s it’s a problem that way so so that’s I will not be extracting money from people in that in that way I’d rather pay them to be in my in my Productions and feel better about it that way so getting back to the fun stuff in the production itself so imagining that that would be the way from now on where I’m like if you want to that’s basically what I just described about that circuit of three people as a minimum to starting point is like that is the that is first base now you know that’s first base because getting into the circuitry of actual intercourse that’s where it required that’s where we get into the medical the medical responsibilities aspects and we get into more of the karmic sharing we’re really swapping scum he’s on an astral level at that point more so than if it’s an outercourse thing and you can’t go back once you know I don’t want to sound like a prepaid only sound like a six- future but but they were right about this mean you’re not wrong about everything they’ve had no sex for anybody ever. Is not the solution to people having sexually transmitted demons running rampant all over the place and it’s about making them your friends and making them work for you not against you and making them expose themselves properly and in you know where it’s not a pure realm we are not going to be perfectly protected in fear we can strive for that and we can use Kundalini and Prana and mantras and all of our medicines in purgatives and things to create a cleaner vessel to make more harmonious more resonance more signal-to-noise ratio and that is what to me this is all about and why we are missing out so badly to not be like I see this if God is wanted you got it for not created to nipples I can’t suck both nipples at the same time I tried some women I can do it on I’ve done it and you can do it some women is possible but for the most part so what does that mean what are you do do you limit God or do you just find someone else to be on the left or right side of you you know what is the big deal so when I think about this math equation how many erotic how many out of the box meaning not really the selective like subjective nuanced little erogenous zones that people get overtime in our lives but the out-of-the-box everybody is wired this way count how many erogenous zones you have and how what is the minimum number of mouse penis and genitals or fingers are human appendages required to simultaneously stimulate all those places it’s more than one person I can tell you that much you know so I just want us to start there and be creative in 2N to learn how to understand that we’re missing out and we should be wanting to gamify maximizing human potential for orgasmic pleasure because that is exorcism orgasm equals exorcism in some cultures who are Les Les Mis Sara Lee poetic about the floury discourse of symbols about sex life like a Latin American Shaman is said about her sexuality in the end in her how she explained why monogamous marriage was not really a thing in a culture that permitted extramarital sex and it was that in her mind and I am not going to say her name to cool her but I will say to paraphrase the essence of this wisdom is that to her mind it was just like an orgasm is like taking out the trash and that is not that’s not to say that it is mundane or a chore it is that it is a responsibility of hygiene in your household of your body Temple you need to have orgasms they need to be fulfilling need to get the job done and that is the exorcism aspect of it so the howling screeching all of these things that are considered that witches were burned forming figli sounds that those are the sounds of actual Holiness the set of holy the sound of Holiness is a woman’s orgasm and so let’s make those come more abundantly and let’s utilize map map the erogenous zones out of the box and then map the additional ones that are my favorite song and when you talk to me like this and this certain place I’m in the back of my head there whatever and then everyone has their own map so we can learn each other’s maps and if you don’t know your own map then you can ask people to help you there’s people who would love to lick and kiss and touch you and head to toe to find and explore you and and from a breasted state of consciousness D nice and yes I like to will you bring out the best in me that’s all I think that’s all you guys add that I can’t top that is the way to end so then really that was we didn’t even know that we put the icing on the motherfuking cake by saying you bring out the Best in Me so there was a documentary about at the peak of my desire to become a a rock star in the the crust Punk metal genre grindcore all that fun stuff I was studying that I wanted to understand and clock the music industry so I was watching every documentary I could find understanding music marketing and all the stuff and then I found this great documentary about about Jimi Hendrix and and I believe it was his fiance at a time who later became his wife if I remember correctly and she was talking about the time where he was building momentum and getting lots of gigs but still underground and she said something that stuck with me forever and if this moment which is it basically the hidden tension was used turn Express yeah we we all knew he was going to get sign or we all knew that you was going to take off he was going to blow up and so she said it was just about if someone puts put the icing on the motherfuking cake you know and I know and I felt that we we’re ready for that and we did some we had some we had some ice and get put on a motherfuking cake we did you get you always want more but I look back and I don’t think we could handle more so we got what we got and now I’m on a different I have a different cake I have a different cake mix and I don’t know if it’s that time I don’t know if it’s time to put the icing on the cake or not yeah I don’t know I mean the cake it’s getting cold she heard it mean if you’d if anyone has icing out there can it please be stevia-sweetened go Steven Johnson I don’t know how to hack them will work on that today I know it’s actually what I heard is that it’s a weird additive that they used to cut it because it’s so super sweet that you would basically died of sweetness if you didn’t like the step on it with some other things so I think that’s why I love growing Stevia and having a leaf to munch on and put in the tea because then you know is nothing else being put into it and it’s just as powerful you don’t really need to if you had the the live leaves one leaf enough will be enough to knock your head off for an hour so yeah I know on that snow yeah we’re going to put this devious fresh leave puree motherfuking icing on the cake I will put the icing on my own motherfuking cake that reminds me in 1 minute I just when I thought we couldn’t go out with a bigger bang this is going to be at because there was a a ritual ceremonial I called we called apart emoni where was the Psychedelic birthday party and we smeared cake all over each other and had to basically devour for the birthday gal of her own cake and it was just nipples and asses and I wanted to be in after from there I was my breasts Elsa. Playing for sure that brother and brother best me for sure but that when I got to put the icing on cake my damn self so don’t let anyone fucking tell you that you’re not none of me if you feel like it I mean I think we’re done I just can’t I’m going to fucking drop my phone right now when I might drop my phone on the couch citizen of the count but oh shit it’s next level add icy Cipher geise that’s going to have some cake with that icing okay thank you for listening to the touch upon podcast please go to www.drudgereport.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and if you want a podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Tantra Punk. Com Thomas Day
Sarvasy-Aarti-Hare Devi Naaraayanni Namostu Te
Salutations to You, O Jagadamba) You are Intent upon Rescuing the Distressed and the Oppressed who take Your Refuge whole-heartedly,
and Remove All their Sufferings; Salutations to You O Narayani
In this episode I am joined by Nirmala Nataraj. I discovered her great works in a search for a teaching on the symbology within the Kali Yantra and found her article.
She has graciously blessed the podcast by sharing her story of personal transformation through Tantra and Goddess Kali worship. She holds sacred space for me to share some of my revelations and research and generously provides validation of and guidance for many of my most controversial discoveries.
Together we weave a mutually affirming narrative of personal healing and spiritual growth through our devotion to Kali. We emphasize the need for preparation, care, and caution when approaching her might and magic. We also encourage listeners to find supportive fellowship as they rediscover and reinvent Kali’s vast primordial irrepressible nature.
Nirmala shares a description of the Kali Yantra and conducts a devotional guided meditation using the Yantra.
We close with a brief discussion on sexual healing and empowerment through tantra and she offers some great advice for individuals and couples to break through repressive cultural conditioning and reclaim the power and beauty of sacred love making.
I’m Nirmala Nataraj, a San Francisco Bay Area-based Desire Guru and Taboo Slayer (and you can find me at my day job here)!
Sacred Fire Desire Coaching is my way of connecting directly with those who want to embody their truth. My wish to expand people’s repertoire of tools and resources through creative problem-solving is paramount in my approach. I especially love to work with people to clear some of the obstacles that keep them from expressing their deepest truths—obstacles such as shame, past experiences of trauma, and the inability to embrace and integrate every last part of themselves.
For me, healing is something that happens when we are willing to wrestle our demons…and then become their friends (which also happens to be a recurring theme in my writing). I’m also interested in inspiring my clients to view relationships, intimacy, and sexuality as viable and rigorous paths to personal development and purpose.
My training background includes the OneTaste Coaching Program, the Co-Active Coach Training Program, and the Bay Area Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Immersion Program.
AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear love his phone cover Township podcast episode number 57 I’m here with nirmala and we’re going to talk about goddess Kali and all of the beautiful magnificent ways that she’s entered our lives and given Direction and guidance and some of the Practical applications that we can all use to access her love and medicine and then we were just talking briefly about how apt it is that she was recently featured on the Empire State Building projected during a an endangered species slideshow production that that occurred and then at one of the Visionary artist Android Jones had a slide in there which is a beautiful collie face rendition and caused a bit of an uproar as you’d expect this is sort of a starting point to talk about this her she’s being called forth now to help us and if you don’t believe that you can look up the pictures didn’t see that you know it’s like the Batman signal or something so anyway that was my little brief intro and I normally would you please say thank you for joining us and please tell us about your background and in your path where to start my so first of all I I work I work pretty heavily with just what I consider the energy of desire and being somebody who’s been on a non dualistic tantrik pot for as long as I can remember and I grew up in a traditional Hindu household and both of my parents are from India and I was raised here so a lot of my own path has been about bridging cultural differences and really diving into the energy of what I see as the collective Shadow and for me desire is something that is really capable of helping us to heal from that split that we tend to have between masculine and feminine Darkness and Light and and I think that Kali is a really as it’s kind of emblematic of what it could look like when those when those pictures are heel and when the split is healed and we and we stopped being in conflict with ourselves and and so a lot of the work that I do is around healing our healing our connection with our sexuality healing our connection desire and my website is sacred fire coaching.com because because I do believe that our desire is the sacred fire that lives within us and it’s our responsibility as incarnate beings 210 that fire so that’s a little bit about 10 of the work that I do and I can talk a little bit more about that later but insurance if my own path I would I would say that it’s it actually comes from pretty ancient lineage and my family is from South India and there’s a long line of country cuz in the area both of my parents are from a lot of Hindu Tantra practice today can be found in South India and a lot of these practices are related to the 10 wisdom goddesses who are known as the Mojave Diaz and they’re very prevalent in a lot of different forms of Tantra and Kali is one of them so these goddesses are revered in South India and by far the most strongly maintain tan tradition in South India is his status Street as yet and she is Supreme goddess and a lot of practitioners in the street of your tradition including people in my family tends to be married householders and often there’s a family tradition of practice but being a woman is South Asian descent who was raised and the West I grew up in California back to Tantra has been its it happened been as direct it hasn’t been a part of this unbroken lineage and in fact I would say that that Tantra is still something that in in India in a lot of traditional Hindu family it’s really still seen as kind of a a dark path and there are still a lot of just as misunderstandings about Tantra abounds in the West on there’s a lot of misunderstanding about Tantra in the East and I think a lot of that comes from just you know Colonial attitude two words the way that the body and sexuality and certain spiritual practices were four kind of conveyed so a lot of I would say that a lot of Hindus in a lot of Indian people in general have kind of internalized those attitudes so so like I said before my path back to Tantra has a lot to do with my own exploration of desire and sexuality and desire and sexuality as a rigorous spiritual so I’ve always been interested in sex and sexuality and actually since I was very very young back when nobody in my family talks about it and if the same time because I I grew up in a household where devotion Devotion to god and goddess were really kind of a part of our daily existence I I was always in an environment that was very overly spiritual actually one of my earliest I wanted to be a nun and I wasn’t Christian nobody in my family was Christian but I remember just reading about female nuns and Mystics and being so drawn to this idea of devoting myself body and soul to God so I have always been on a path that I’ve considered devotional and that I’ve considered a path of surrender and that gradually grew into a worship of the dark goddess and all of her forms as mahakali as inanna Ishtar as as the Virgin of Guadalupe and that was actually really connected to my own discovery of feminism and goddess worship as a way of bringing the salmon in back into spiritual practices so so over time I was really interested in how the dark goddess encourages us to dissolve our boundaries between the sacred and the profane and I think that that’s what led me to Tantra and in addition a lot of my former work I used to be a Rape Crisis counselor and so I’ve worked with a lot of women who have felt just generally wounded and disconnected from their own essential sexuality and sensuality and a lot of my work has been without healing. Chasm and I for me working with collie and working with different forms of the dark goddess has been immensely healing I I really can’t even put that into words and end this this really comes from my own experience of how many women and it isn’t just women it’s also none how many of us have been wounded by a pervasive cultural attitudes about sex and sexuality and the sex is an extremely powerful force and the time because I knew this and they know it and and they work with it and incredible and hoping ways but sex is also something that’s a power that can be misused and as women we we often use that power in ways that don’t serve us and we use it to to do things like we to make people fall in love with us for instance where to use sexuality as a weapon because in many ways text has been used as a weapon against us and very few of the women that I’ve ever met has have worked with their sexuality as a source of pleasure and is a source of achieving Union ecstatic Union with the Divine so that’s that’s been a really big interest of mine how do we how do we move towards sex and desire to do that and also another really important aspect is my pot that I kind of alluded to earlier is looking at this experience of being bicultural this experience of growing up in two completely different traditions and and Bridging the Gap because I do think that Eastern forms of thought like Tantra obviously we’re seeing them becoming more and more popular and more and more needed and the west and at the same time there’s there’s just been a lot of really interesting stuff that’s been happening in India in particular and other places where traditionally women haven’t held over positions of power and where there really is still a lot of suppression as far as sexuality goes it’s amazing that India’s this place where Tantra and the Kama Sutra came out of but at the same time there are still horrific attitudes towards women are still bride burning since honor killings and end public rate end so I think that we really we really need to come to an understanding that that Bridges the disconnect that exists and it and I think this isn’t just a disconnect that’s about east and west and our attitudes towards sexuality and body and spirituality it’s a deeper and deeper conflict that’s being healed and it’s a conflict that I think lives inside the human consciousness and that collie and got us have to have the profound power to really heal so so a lot of the work that I’m doing is that the dressing that dualistic split again you know between nature and civilization masculine light and dark and I’m really interested in accessing your life force which is it’s the erotic nstemi accessing the erotic it’s it’s a spiritual act it’s a political act on it’s what we can do to claim our freedom as creative beings and I’ve really seen magical things happen we can act without energy and I’ve seen that happen in my own life and just to give you a little bit more background about myself about 7 years ago or so I was in a marriage that was falling apart and everything looked great on the outside I have been with my partner for close to a decade and something was missing and I didn’t know exactly what and I felt so guilty that I can be in this marriage that where everything looks perfect on the outside but inside there was something essential that was missing that I couldn’t put a name to I’m so I buried that understanding three years and years and and finally at some point the entire relationship just kind of exploded and it was like goddess herself came into my life and and shown this Stark light on to everything that I had built and and I felt like I was falling apart and it was a revelation and it was very difficult for me at that time and I think it’s that way of guilt and shame this this sense of internal knowing that there’s something that’s missing and I look back on that time now and I know that what was missing was my sense of connection to pleasure and desire and two goddess really to the feminine I think that that weight of guilt and shame of wanting and longing for this thing that we don’t have words for it it keeps so many women from tapping into the full extent of who they are and they’re afraid to even admit to it so I would say that my my real talk begin with just acknowledging my desire technology that there was a desire that was not being mad and it was not being that in the context of that marriage so after that I I would stay the night I went on an odyssey that involved Tantra it involved doing some somatic therapy sexological Bodywork and seeing what has been frozen inside me and this experience with Awakening and another itself and I really wanted to share that with other women and so many of the women that I have worked with had really similar stories and another thing that I’ve discovered that’s been remarkable is that a lot of the women I’ve worked with have kind of come into their own relationship with goddess and we’re really finding you know we can’t we can’t divorce our sexuality from our sense of connection to God has for my sense of connection to the universe and to each other and I think that would have been recognizing the night I should say that I work primarily with women but I’ve also worked with men and I’m seeing this awareness and then also is that we are seeking to make our ecosystem harmonious we’re tired of being in conflict with ourselves and we want a sexuality and a spirituality and creativity and community that are all integrated where we don’t have to leave any part of ourselves out answer me with the work that I’ve done in Tantra and with my own practices that involves connecting with collie she she is that energy she is fat energy of you know what here’s this is this is who you are this is all of you take it all you know the good the bad the ugly the things that you perceived as beautiful things that you perceive is garbage and use it because it’s yours and that for me has really been the gift of working with Tantra and being on this path wow thank you so much I’m just like smiling like ramakrishna this whole time here he missed that one photo that’s like so ecstatic and blissed-out the love of the mother just is so intoxicating and yeah yeah this is so beautiful for me to hear especially the did you see at the intensity I mean I’ll tell you that a lot of the time for that I was exposed to four years didn’t go anywhere near Shadow work or collie and when it’s when she was finally you know various when she entered my life very forcefully but yet beautifully I realized how much well just started to scratch the surface of what was missing from the westernized you know hyper-sexualized Tantra that’s not really getting into the deep Shadow work so yeah I really appreciate just having you on this in this conversation and if you don’t mind before we get into the the yantra if I could just Explorer some of my questions for you about Kali and how how she can be accessed and what some of her roles are ya so like I said I was going to learning Township techniques and breathwork and eye gazing and meditation and chakras and Kundalini stuff and and and it was just sort of well divorced from Sedona and goddess worship and so you know the encountering of in the wind a true just to passionate Devotion to the goddess for how much love there is there in one set started to pour into my life and when you know female sort of priestesses were starting to enter my life to initiate me and connect me that way I started going on a frenzy of really studying this force of nature that’s beyond words really beyond the iconic symbol of her standing on Shiva really that’s just a map but it’s not the terrain the terrain of her flesh in her being in her dimensions are so vast you know they’re unspeakable and I’ve gotten deeper and deeper into exploring her boundlessness and I’m curious as SUV gun into your ritual practice of of worship how how would you describe visual experiences an emotional and embodiment experiences send just a sort of narrative Beyond iconography that you’ve experienced too kind of compare notes you know I’m saying about that for hours yeah it’s it’s I think there’s always kind of this interesting experience that that we have when we decide to devote ourselves to particular path or even to a particular deity there’s you know kind of navigating that c of contradictions that all of the stories all of the lore all of the imagery on the experiences you hear about other people having there’s all of that that’s kind of floating and the Consciousness and I think it’s particularly complicated with Kali because she’s she’s so she represents a paradigm that to me is about moving beyond Orthodox representation socially Downs ideas of what’s good are appropriate so in some ways she’s she’s she’s really hard to represent and you know I’m constantly reading descriptions of Kali at that I that I think are grossly mistaken and I just a kind of I picked this up in park in preparing for this interview I was doing a bit of research and I was and I noticed that there was an Encyclopedia Britannica it describes collie as the major Hindu goddess whose I can. she calls in mythology commonly associate her with death sexuality violence and paradoxically and some of her later historical appearances motherly love which I think is really funny because I don’t think any of that is paradox in some ways and comprehensible and so I I would actually say that eyes my relationship with Collies when that is I mean how can it not be informed by certain cultural ideas of who she is whether those are coming more from Orthodox Hindu ideas of who she is and I should say that I grew up in a household that very much revered Kali and and and Shiva in particular they were they were on the present so there were lots and lots of beautiful pictures of collie with her necklace with severed skulls and it was always really funny when I had friends coming over to my house and they see these pictures and it’d be like oh my God that’s that’s so creepy that’s so messed up like why do you have these pictures up in your house and I I really agree with a with an enormous amount of reverence for these images which you know that they might look violent on the outside but they’re just they’re just representations you know their representations of things that exist within each and every one of us then and I always for me I always felt that was that was the beauty of it the beauty was in was in the imagery that that didn’t just fit didn’t just done represent her as being kind of the docile nurturing mother but there’s love these in here there’s love even in this and I really grew up with that understanding so none of that snooze paradoxical but at the same time a lot of Hindus will say oh well, he is actually really loving there is no there is no ferocious aspect beer I think that still persist even among people who do follow her and I think that it’s really important to it’s really important to see that so that her love is all encompassing it it really it’s her love is is her dancing in the Charnel grounds it’s her cutting off illusion at its roots it’s her frankly doing all the shit that we humans don’t want to do that we don’t want to face and I think I really I’ve really discovered Kali in my body in my dreams there’s a very there’s a personal relationship that I’ve had to develop with collie that’s about yes it’s about entertaining the way that she appears in the world and imagery and iconography and I think that there’s a place for all of that but it never became quite real to me until I experienced her for myself until I experienced myself in her grip well yeah well I think that the the story that you read that I wrote it was it was about coming face-to-face with her during I guess what I could describe as being a Dark Night of the Soul on at a time in my life where I felt completely alone and in many ways forsaken by just the spiritual practices that I had had and it was just a really it was a very lonely. My life and I didn’t have a spiritual community that I could really share this with and the most intense experience I had is coming face-to-face with Mama was it’s so appropriate it was during my first Ayahuasca Journey and and I it’s it’s funny sometimes when I described that Journey to the people that they’re just horrified because it really felt like I was coming I was coming face-to-face with death with my dad with the death of everything that I had held to be stable and fixed and everything I thought of as being me and and I think it’s really it’s important of course to remember that collie Collies name is it comes from the Sanskrit root for time and there’s nothing that is skates you know the march of time there’s nothing that escapes her and so and I do think of calling is being a goddess of death but I I’ve always seen it as being the death of the ego and that was that was kind of the experience that I that I had and I which is not to say that I think my ego is completely dead or the even that I wanted to be completely and totally different conversation altogether but but I really felt that this this experience that I had of coming face-to-face with her was about overcoming all of these ideas that I had about who I was and I think that when we become encased in those ideas those ideas become a prison and we don’t allow ourselves to grow into what we could be we don’t allow ourselves to move in the direction that our souls urine for and so I it was it was an incredibly on uplifting experience it was the experience of I’m dying and and also understanding that part of me that is eternal that that is not my you know the part of me that is not my body and not my personality and not my ego which is not to say that that stuff is in the gated because I cannot have that experience was just an even deeper appreciation for everything that I do have all of these tools that I do have at my disposal and I just remember coming out about journey of being sort of like wow I have have this body and you know like my body does all this amazing stuff that’s so cool and there was a sense of. Being you know a face of this this larger being that I am but I bet that’s part of the mystery it belongs to the mystery just as she lives in a mystery and I kind of felt that little journey into my death was this this this beautiful on kind of sojourn into that deeper mystery where you know everything that we believe about ourselves is is just untrue on and it’s it’s interesting cuz it feels like to me that was ego obliterating but it was also on I would say that it’s the most loved that I’ve ever felt it’s the most I’ve ever felt and it was in it wasn’t it was coming to me and it was moving through me and I was that love and if anything it felt like it just it it made me so much bigger then I then I ever knew was possible and that’s me is is just kind of stuff ultimate that’s the ultimate encounter with her she shows you how small your ideas of yourself really are there so puny know who you think you are and what you believe you’re capable of compared to the reality which is just so vast it’s it’s like you know if we settle we settle for so little in terms of our lives than 10 we settle for safety but I but I do think that with the soul wants is that experience of vastness and that experience is moving in to know the places that we fear which I kind of like the veil in front of the vastness you know you got it you have to move through that in order to get to in order to get to that place where you like oh yeah this is it this is this is the experience that my soul has been hungering for and I was the experience that I knew I was hungry for when I was in this dead-end marriage where everything like the future had been written it was everything had been predicted I know I could cross it all off my to-do list and die happy according to someone else’s standards of what that happiness was but I would never have gotten to that to that place to that place of you know feeling this Indescribable love the love that comes through when you’re willing to surrender your ideas of who you are and what your life is supposed to look like and said that experience that’s a very that’s that’s always going to be a personal experience for anybody and it’s going to look different for everybody and I’ve got to say that was that was fairly recent in my life and I honestly don’t know that I that I really knew Kali was before that I had an idea I had a deep reverence for her but I wasn’t touched by her in quite the same way as I was when I allowed myself to go into this experience and allowed myself to say yes I’m okay I’m okay with my dad so just to sort of Jump Ahead a little bit I think there are a lot of different ways to really make a connection with her to get in contacts but I do think that one of the quickest route is is Ayahuasca if if any of your listeners are so inclined it seems to be kind of a direct a direct line to her and and I think
In this episode I have the great honor of speaking with my divine feminine spirituality mentor, healer and dear friend Sufiana. She holds space for me to summarize over two years worth of psychedelic shamanic research that began with the meeting of our souls in a sacred dance.
It was she who initiated me into the might, magic, and mystery of Goddess Kali. Together we explore the ancient lore and modern science that are converging to bring the Goddess back into psychotherapeutic effect.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear beloved’s welcome to Township Punk podcast episode number 35 I’m here with Sue Fionna and we’re going to talk about the science of goddess invocation we’re going to be looking at how these ancient tantric Hindu archetypes of the goddess can be translated and understood in a modern context using modern language for Psychotherapy and somatic healing and in all these new sort of modalities that are being scientifically studied and recognized and so there’s this intersection of the esoteric and the scientific and we’re going to explore that and discuss some of our mutual discoveries and I’ll say that where was the first important effect that I observed actually goes back to the first night that we had begun to communicate and sort of from share a vision of bringing more divine feminine energy on to the Earth plane through through dancing together we kind of set that attention in the very beginning and then literally that first night that we made that intention I went into my normal Friday night mushroom psytrance dancing ritual and began to have a massive download and start to channel visions of a future where a very Fierce powerful goddess energy will be guiding me and possibly Sufjan are you know us together collaborating to be able to bring in this righteous rage and I had just seen a video of her inviting Kali through a dance and I didn’t have any real understanding of the the Hindu goddess Kali archetypal when I read about it and I was very intrigued and and then it was like from that moment she began to enter my my life and in that the first night of dancing I was not only feeling this and seeing this for the first time this sort of Astral texture of her body and this very well well established depiction of a sort of array of kaleidoscopic eyes and if the very wrathful facial expressions in this sort of time continuum of a feminine a beautiful feminine Continuum of phone of Flesh and teeth and things in ferocity to sort of higher dimensional living massive organism and that was when I first started to see in the mushroom state from the third eye perspective this force of nature this feminine Divine force of Nature and towards the end of that first dance after I had felt this new rage righteous rage energy come in was Exquisite and beautiful I began to actually have a perception of a far more terrifying or terrible form that was very much not humanoid in very much sort of insectoid and I was I had to avert my third eye I had to change the channel and and snap out of it and in in in sort of a void that the invitation to go deeper into into that that experience and then later I found out after reading the Bible Gita that do you know when the conversation with with Krishna and Arjuna there’s this point where Arjuna is shown the Divine true interdimensional body or true form of of the Divine entity and it’s so terrifying has to end over his eyes and ask him and beg him to return to his humanoid form and when I discovered that in the end of the scriptures that was like okay that’s exactly what I experienced there is this extra-dimensional non-human Divine beings entities that that we’re being you know describing a similar way so that was a ridge that was my first encounter with the goddess Kali before even meeting Sufjan In the Flesh and then after meeting the first time we you know discuss their kind of Life paths and and our our Journeys if a feeling and what not and then we had said the intention to then get together and do a bit of dancing because I had asked you know hey would you train me and teach me some of this some sacred dance you know it would really help me in my journey in so we rented a Little Rock Band Rehearsal studio for an hour and I plugged in my MP3 player and played some some sensual and in a powerful psychedelic trance music in and then something very frightening and beautiful occurred which is that Sufjan of began to just get into her beautiful traditional dance State and I was doing a kind of country textbook kind of pranic healing intuitive Oreck sweeping around the the female is form of prayer and devotion and worship to encircle the female and in the center and and slowly close the gap and go from a sweeping of the aura to a gentle sweet thing of the of the surface of the skin to a powerful and Brace and as as their process began to occur we create this funnel Vortex Whirlwind of Prana and then I don’t know if you want if you remember this exact moment but I remember it like like like seeing a burning bush but you at that moment snapped into the Kali invocation deity possession transtate tongue rolling out porosity of expression and a sort of wave a discharge of this wrathful energy so do you recall that and had that ever happened before to you anything like that I I have to say that it was a very different experience from my earlier ones though being from Indian culture and having danced like Carly in some of my performances I did I did have a few minor visitations kind of that kind of experience but that was particular Dance Experience was it was something beyond that for sure and then of course the next experience we had together with the the journey which will soon be talking about was oh my goodness. It was like a million x million steps forward from from this Dance Experience but it was a beautiful moment it is so hard to put something like that in the word that is why I am at lost in some ways it is something that you really have to experience it but I I was I had not taken any kind of drugs but I was constantly for that one or two hours I was just having visions and colors and light and all these designs for me in front of my eyes my eyes were closed of course and I was supposed to test by the movement and I was possessed by the divine feminine yeah it’s the validation and so is that moment I was astounded and struck and I immediately that shifted my life forever because I is it as a sort of from you call it a pseudo-scientists there were an armchair scientist or amateur but someone who is a big fan of the movie and read the book Altered States which is all about the scientific study of the intersection between physiology and phenomenology in other words what you experience is one narrative to talk about and what is measurable on the physical plane in the body’s physiology you know if you say you see a ghost you know there is Ghost Hunters are trying to look for the physical evidence of such things in if you say you saw it that’s really subjective thing that certain aspects we measured but in that film Altered States you can get a lot of America s that set me a motion to understand why mystical experiences are of such interest to psychedelic scientists because that’s where we can actually gather data and start to prove the existence of God or prove the existence of goddess and therefore shift the soulless like dead Paradigm of the Scientific Revolution and his you know been responsible for so much disaster we need to bring sacredness back into life on Earth so without going into a polemic only move quickly on to the next is significant event which is that you know I began from that moment realizing that there was this powerful healing force of nature that was coming into my life for a reason and that I had to respect it and study it and be open to you know the next steps and so on we started to plan some shamanic work together and and in collaborate and you know designing some some ritual procedure and Sacred Space for going further in bringing in the psilocybin mushroom the sacred mushroom into you know into a goddess invocation event and so we actually did a dry run first without the medicine and and I was experiencing powerful effects you were using if you remember you kind of walk me through a kind of more let’s say it’s not traditional but a more kind of textbook cycle therapeutic modality of anchoring inner child in the spirit animal and going into the forest and then opening up of a portal below the roots of the tree for the dark armies to be flushed down and that was a very like kind of NLP neuro-linguistic programming based approach or you know something based on your your studies at the California Institute of integral studies or that at school there so if you have any thoughts or memories about that you were doing kind of massage and chakra work guiding me through that was our first time 9 psychedelic dry run of giving you the Spiritual Authority to do healing work in to cast demons out of my field you know if you remember that the experience I remember the one with the journey are you talking about the one very word Journey on the mushrooms yeah I was starting to break down and cry you wasn’t that it wasn’t that memorable you know what I mean to me it was a course but that was if you don’t recall much about is fine cuz it wasn’t it wasn’t it was just like a Prelude to where I can start to feel yeah there’s we’re opening up this astral body and doing some some deep tissue work in the astral body but that was before we do the mushrooms to it so that was a sort of dry run it happen and then in between that dry run and our scheduled full on full heroic dose mushrooms journey I was assembling the soundtrack for this journey because I knew or had you know we had discovered that okay there’s something about the Psychedelic trance feet and a psychedelic trance the way that it the frequencies and a lot of you know tuned to actual sacred frequency is a lot of the tracks have especially to go a genre has sacred Melodies and and really they’re like you know they’re they’re able to unlock different energies in the astral plane these frequencies and his Beats and obviously they get you add realized so they’re preparing you for a spiritual battle to to retrieve your own soul that’s what people are doing on the dance floor is shedding demons and retrieving fragments of their soul and becoming whole again through the sacred ecstatic trance dance at a universal phenomenon and even you know it’s documented by stanza by stanza stand graph stands fully that Congress and African foraging people’s activate Kundalini through their own ritual ecstatic trance dance and it’s there you know similar therapeutic use of Kundalini Shakti but in their terms have different words for it but we’re talking about forces of nature and activating them through dance so you know who it was I took it upon myself to spirit of God choose a selection of tracks that would be most adrenal icing for the for the ritual and one of them was the suspects spotted Track by Mad Max and that track I had been journeying on my own and listen to that track and I was given a powerful vision of how this is like the the the flute with the melody to charm collie and her terrible beautiful hyperdimensional Predator form in in in an indication that could invite her into actually do the Demonic devourment in a very Astros ecological Manor in the hole that all these words and not sending dance with the simple way to look at it is it in in the astral plane there is an ecosystem just as As Above So Below there’s an ecosystem and the deities aren’t just cartoon archetypes they have functional roles medical assistant so the analogy would be that if you are suffering from mental or physical illness it is because you know like a leaf of a spinach plant is suffering because there are aphids eating and devouring it in so if you were an aphid that had a spiritual technology to call forth the ladybug that ladybug would be something you would worship and devote yourself to because a ladybug will be devouring the aphids and liberating you and providing you with the ability to heal yourself so I was given that Vision not as a sort of you know what would you call it and it wasn’t a symbolic Vision I actually saw the true biological hyperdimensional beneficial predator entity that Hindu Tantra sex ancient psychedelic you know tantrix were were talking about in an inward decoding or including the experience in the scriptures in the contras the tantris are the scriptures of Devotion to Kali and you know that’s something I got deeper into studying later but in that moment myself dancing I was filled with joy and I Had A Smile as big as ramakrishna because I knew that this is what the power in with the fur for a fursuit Fiona to be vamping out in a possession state in a bistro possession state with a war face of a mother raccoon ready to pounce that is the cat is the intersection of the the astral power of the goddess and when the devotee acts actively engage is that energy and in permits her to enter then we get into we’ll talk about a minute which is more medically measurable effects but long story short I had that Vision or that experience that phenomenological experience and then I I was so excited about it and when I found you Sufjan it like a few days later to tell you I was like overjoyed and acting like a freak dancing around in circles at outside of your place in Santa Monica and I made the mistake of of like it is an American in a friendly manner like putting my arm around you and you were like not used to having affection in public so it’s kind of a disaster but but I was excited and that was that was they took that excitement into you know what what what we did together which was we brought in the mushroom in and we played those tracks and then all hell broke loose all Heaven broke loose and we experience something that I already put in previous podcast you know our recording where we were both sort of like 10 turned white is still in the DAT possession transtate and we’re still channeling the the I would call them the Commandments of Yoni worship and all of that is already documented in some of the earlier podcast I’m not going to give mine are too about that we already did that but you now in this moment looking back I’m curious you know how would you describe what it felt like when you in that mushroom ceremony were able to fully embody the goddess and perform a shamanic form of exorcism you know what are your what are your thoughts now to add to what we already had recorded about this couple years ago well in that moment I have to say that it says like the most natural thing to do it felt so effortless to be my most empowered self but the power was the power was intense and it was so beautiful at the same time it wasn’t something that could possibly come from your arrogance or egotism in fact if you were trying to come from that place seeking power then you pretty much be sliced off by her sword by Kali sword that’s how I felt so there was that Modest part of me that was also coming from the ego the voice that oh you know maybe you know this is I don’t know if if if this power is coming from the eagle or if this power is you know can be arrogance because we are so used used to this polluted a form of power that is rampant around in the world that when pure power comes and possesses you it’s hard to trust it immediately but it felt so effortless it felt so natural and it felt like it was always there this is who I always was and always will be I was always Carly and I always will be curly how can I not be her and this is not just about me this is this is not about sufiyana this is not about me at all she is there within all of us and why do we forget to embody her that is the biggest question there was a mirror in front of me and I looked at myself and I told myself sufiyana tomorrow when this journey is over I have a feeling that you would want to go back into your old patterns and forget who you truly are you’re going to want to forget your soul don’t do that remember this moment always remember this moment and I remember that in the beginning we had maybe some kind of you know we started with some meditative music and then we did grounding centering and all that then we started dropping in with some trance music but we went to the deepest darkest Parts you know and do the most Divine parts that yearning with a fierce collie happened to this beautiful music which maybe Ben will share with you all that was a chant to goddess Durga and the Montreal goes like this adversity end at some point I remember that the computer that was not a single link that was open but the song was just playing we were playing it initially on YouTube and it was I don’t know it was like magic it was just playing I don’t know where how it was playing but I put later on I put the song on repeat mode and we just went deeper and deeper and deeper with it and yeah it was very Fierce moments very very very Fierce moments all the anger that the feminine is the feminine within all of us with her regardless whether you are a man or a woman that the feminine within us is holding in her unconscious the anger that comes from years and years of patriarchy misogyny and all the ill effects and the suffering and the pain it’s causing all of the children men women I’ve met women that can be patriarchal in misogynist and there can be men also so I’m this is not about men or women I’m not stalking against men here I’m talking against patriarchy and misogyny and we just know that it’s important so we do this and and so like I’ve been doing this constantly one of my goals that I set out of certain point was that at least you know once a year there would be a community gathering around love sex intelligence and the rest of the time you know we haven’t online for him but very important for that hole project has been and which we’ve stepped it up in the recent months to make sure that hopefully like every month we can do something is to to say that the community around learning about how to how to harmonise our relationships how to defend our sexuality into something that is you know how uplifting our spiritual path is something that needs to be done you know with with with more support and so that’s why it’s it can’t just functioning online capacity so that’s something I’ve committed to we have we have been actually our next events is focusing squarely on sexual initiation I’m pink resented by someone named y’all Lila Espinosa is looking at how to tweeze mower practices that she learned in Peru you know have informed her own healing and and then creating her own initiation but yeah I also you know as an astrologer I work with people and often it is around relating I’ve done a little bit of like you know support for people I think what happens is you know when when you become a central figure in any given Community people will come to you when they’re in crisis and this is what has informed my my the work that I do around you know Rites of Passage is responding to crisis from a place that seeks to get to the root of what is causing the crisis which in so many cases is that there is a lack of of support and people therefore will resort to self initiation just something I’ve had to do in my own life and and see it so much the case for some of the other people and there’s another psychological shifts that occur when people an emotional shift that occur when people feel a sense that they’re being held that they are being that they can fit they can let go and have a safe space to go into those wounds and begin working on them and of course it would help if we had a little more guidance and how to do that but thought comes over over time you know we have to work from where we’re at and so that’s something that I’ve been in in the my own process of of my own work around here figuring what those things are with those tools are and Tom yeah like I said I’m not an expert but I can at least Point people in some directions I guess what we’re looking at here is that there’s an underground space very intentional underground space that is more conducive to kind of freestyling or rolling your own ceremony and just holding the light and and letting those who it call who are called to it you know it would become integrated into keep it at the gala Therrien and flowing so that you don’t have cult of personality and politics and all of the scenester Hipster things coming in and that’s always up in it and he has to be on guard against and whatnot so I see there’s that unfoldment in that development and then there’s people who are also working like stay in the social work field who are informing their peers and colleagues in those sectors with these Neo shamanic techniques or nonviolent communication or your where it’s legal and accessible and permissible you know legally again to be able to put people on amor I guess like prisons prison you Lila has a very and I’ve done some I interviewed her in the past and I’m a big fan of what she’s doing and I know she has a strong background in clinical social work and is feeding back into that sector the wisdom of of the Amazon and and Beyond and so is that something that you have I just thought I remember reading somewhere you know or talk to you at some point about how this is this is like you could be hired by the more formal above ground and sectors of social work or Community work with where you can be brought in to bring some of the stuff that would normally be or I guess it’s just that it’s a very interesting Cutting Edge of an intersection and I if I’m not mistaken that’s that you you are like sort of partially in that world 2 of of social work or is that something I understand correctly yeah I’ll I will string this conversation back and see where where I where I am placed social work as well as all the modalities of counseling and healing you know like they are all part and parcel to supporting and upholding status quo capitalist system so I’m going to like you know like you know also haven’t been in the punk scene also had a big enough impact on my my party now 13 m in terms of healing these wounds we have to look at that and I we can’t we can’t say like that are healing is going to be independent of the world that is reeling and suffering from the continuation of this system as it is and so that’s where for me like bringing capitalism into the equation is is something that’s real tricky it’s something that I feel needs to be kind of understood. You know we we can’t just rely on having sting services that we can pay for because that creates a gap you know where some people are going to have accessible abilities to to the healing and others won’t and that’s that’s not healthy for anyone and and also that it doesn’t address the root cause of why we need social workers to begin with and why we need counseling and all of that so I really like the notion of cultural healing that’s where more where I would be comfortable in any way kind of looking at myself as any kind of healer I don’t think we we can really heal individuals that’s really something that you know a person will need to and it’s not like they can be facilitated to do their own healing work but nobody can fix us we have to fix ourselves that’s that’s more I think a more powerful Paradigm to be apart of but you know I I I have worked in the realm of I focused therapy and you know I have spent quite a bit of time around the spirit plant medicines and seeing how the plant medicines have assisted and I do I do continue continuously work to increase my knowledge and wisdom around working with us plants and and that also brings us back into that hole realm of discussion around you know ancestors and working with them or perhaps that’s something we haven’t really touched upon but maybe she said it’s just that in any form of healing that we do I guess for me the important thing that I really try to bring into whatever I do connecting back with her ancestors and healing the trauma of how we were disconnected from those ancestors and how that plays out in any kind of sexual wounds or emotional wounds that we carry and so that’s something that I I I feel like the role of initiation and ritual can can really do and that’s that’s been its Province ever since people began doing patrols I think it’s to build upon the legacy of their ancestors and to draw and their their help and support cool said that yeah thank you for helping me understand the other parameters a little better and and 100% there with you I have I have been because I live in the United States where there’s different laws around no prostitution in in how that affects the healing with sexual touch and pleasure as medicine and stuff like that is a lot more yes I understand in in Canada there’s there’s a lot more interesting legal space in order to do Hands-On Sexual Healing work relative to the US where it’s completely off limits in so I because of that adapting to that reality and also is a permaculture designer myself I have to think very deeply about how to navigate this issue of for-profit healing work that kind of in most sectors is about like you said I’ll put in my own words it’s like they want to know if if the if you’re at a time of time robot that supposed to be producing a set amount to be a productive member of the of the GDP then then if you’re not functioning properly than the the goal of the mainstream social work or psychotherapeutic or psychiatric Fields they’re trying to get you back into the rat race as soon as possible and they’ll do that with drugs with talk therapy or whatever that is about avoiding through tissue which is the disconnection from urethane from a healthy holistic wild habitat you know a night as a primitivist I see that you know the solution to your Neurosis is to retry belies and Get Growing your own food again in and rebuild that fabric so you know there with you on that tension about right livelihood in and taking money for healing and what is he doing so I really like what you said and that just is going to it’s going to help me a lot looking at healing the cultural level and healing the if I’m understanding right and I’ll put a couple my own words on it but I feel like we’re trying to build the scaffolding or were trying to design the context for people to take the responsibility of a personal healing and gone to that journey and so if you if what would you say are some practical skills are tools from all of your things that you would teaching and training and a things that you discovered in your own journey to where you’re in power tools for empowerment that you suggest or are resources that you suggest people Explorer to if they’re called to do the cultural healing work weather for profit or non-profit. Some dance between the two or it and then what what are some recommendations for people who are on their own path and aren’t necessarily called to do the the cultural healing yeah I mean it’s it’s a pretty vast subject that one but I think that a few points that I could think about and talk about our that I’m going to this idea of bringing you back in the station rights and recognizing that in the absence of them what do we have you know we are we are sadly in there without initiated Elders so many of us and if there are any of Elders that hold that ability to to guide those those ones are those are worth their weight in gold you know there really is people that we should try to lift up and and give them their recognition and see you know and then in the absence of that it’s like we kind of by default Our Generations people that will have to hopefully fulfill that and reach a place where we can actually help upcoming generations to go in a way that they don’t have to completely go it alone and and figure it out on them on their own the way that so many of us have had to and so there is a movement around Rites of Passage I sit on the board if you passageways which is a network that focus is squarely on you no Rites of Passage for you coming of age from all different walks and and and modalities you know some of them are our Boys to Men oriented some of them are girls to women some of them are starting to incorporate non gender binary kind of approaches as well which is good and and this whole focus on bringing back the ancestors into looking at Rites of Passage is is starting to happen and something that I focused on and so that’s that’s a resource you know people can go to youth passageways. Oregon and look at what programs are out there and they can also think about how they can add to that list and bring in things that are needed around especially around sexuality and relationship which is often I noticed kind of a big gap in a lot of programs out there you know because they’re confined confined or constrained by the conservative values where they take place and you know what school system is you know this is one of those places lagging for that kind of thing so it’s a role that I think that many people who understand the need can step into and cultivate as career paths you know and some people are pig figuring out how they can weave their credentials says on Sexual Health Educators or sexual therapist or sexual trauma or no trauma-based therapists you know into this realm of initiation and that’s that needs to happen on a on an increased level the other I see a lot of because of what I was saying around looks really don’t how many Avenues to learn other than through you know what the books in the workshops and offerings around sexuality thoughts unfortunately are not rooted in in people’s only need two lineages generally speaking you know so the whole Tantra movement is pretty much so you know a cultural appropriator of New Age fight version of those Traditions that would have been squashed by Christianity especially and so I think there’s work to be done there and as much as possible Retreat retrieving reconstructing are reconnecting with our own ancestral Traditions which I’m sure you know had their own knowledge wisdom around how to how to raise healthy harmonious individuals with healthy sexualities from from the vantage point of how what little I do know has been has been done in indigenous cultures and without wanting to appropriate for them from them I’ll just give way of examples out of that you know in and certain cultures that are studied like the Mayan culture and I think to some degree on certain places within Creek culture there’s examples of how as societies you know that the children are raised from an early age 2 reach a point where they understand how to how to harmonize with the other sex and how to to look after each other and that’s just a very basic principle that I feel like you know that’s that’s worth kind of learning how to integrate into our family structures if we have children that were raising just to keep in mind that you know there is a need for them to learn skills around things like consent and around being responsible with with one’s sexual energies and and I needs to start before they reach that age of adolescence where they’re just harder to connect with if you haven’t built up that Foundation so that’s something that I think about will do you so if I if if we check out that the organization that you mention is it would that be good place to find and something like a more enlightened or more conscious like sexual education curriculum or guidebook do you know if people were working on something like that so if I know if you know parents who were going through the puberty of their child that they have something that’s not just this cold clinical Western and even though that sort of evolving a little bit you know with things like a sack didn’t and whatnot I see a lot but the The ancestral wisdom and you know the ceremonial Rites of Passage you know how does it how does the Modern Family say okay well you’re about to start feeling you know hormonal Energy’s how do we give you know create even if it’s just within their family or their Community yoga or whatever is something more than what’s being offered in the normal sex ed or what they’re listening in gangster rap music and watching on sitcoms obviously you know it’s enough for lack of lot of alternative options it’s one one place to look and we’re always looking for others so whenever we discover something then we will see to auditory resources and we are trying to vet those resources and those organizations to make sure that they really are you know at least there’s some some level of you know safe recommendation that we can give for those those organizations we’re not we’re not in the position to really kind of completely you know set standards but we are trying to we have a code of what we call it a cross-cultural protocol so we do look at that aspect that you have for what we’re talking about that’s you know if that’s another layer that we will hopefully get to eventually and I do know that there are people within our Network who are really strongly focused on this particularly around girls to women kind of education and and Rites of Passage and some of the Boys to Men once but I think it’s also something we need to to enhance as well oh that’s great yeah that’s that’s that’s what I wanted to hear so that I can just refer people to this ongoing and so and then the LSI is kind of its there’s a Facebook I’ve been interacting with the the Facebook group for a while so is that something you recommend people plug-in I mean that’s the goal of that is to feature blogs and generate discussions from those blogs and also to establish a resource of services as well as information and so that’s you know running on in a very limited volunteer capacity and so you know it’s something that I hope will eventually become a very powerful resource but already it’s you know it’s been feedback that I’ve received that you know even just the the group that we have on Facebook somebody posted recently. You know it’s really help them in their in their path which is nice to hear and I’ve heard that a few times and I try to curate that group in such a way where it’s like you know it’s trying to generate discussion and it’s it’s trying to be a safe space where where people can get into some of those I’m intimate revealing is of what what’s going on in their lives one of the things that kind of came out of love sex intelligence local as a connection with Tamara and the love school that they have which is a very congruence philosophy to love sex intelligence and they’re their work to try to create or with to create safe spaces for people to to share stories of what’s going on in their intimate lover sexual lives and and B witnessed in a way that is non-judgemental where they’re not being flooded with advice but more just being witnessed which is kind of connected to that whole framework for Rites of Passage itm witnessing each other and so it’s it’s trying to also look at how you know communities can succeed in their in their goals which might include you know like being more sustainable or being an alternative to the systems around us and also being a part of a more peaceful kind of culture through filling this hole that is often where things go wrong where people are are are not feeling safe to talk about these these human experiences around wounding around are our hearts and our sexuality so I’ve been part of a Practice Group here that has been circulating also to other parts of BC and I think it’s a really it’s a really powerful movement to be a part of yeah we’re getting close to an hour or so I have to take a few more minutes and I’m get a couple thoughts and feelings some responsible for 1 something that his is coming up for me that I think it’s really empowering is this like idea that wouldn’t it be nice if some of us started to think of ourselves as aspiring Elders I’ve never thought of it that way until this conversation and there’s a little spark of joy and me that that says you know puts in context the the punk rock lifestyle that I had of live fast Die Young and just you know if it’s not throwing yourself into the meat grinder of insurrectionary activism you know with this sort of Death Wish you know this martyr complex or whatever it’s like those are really unsustainable archetypes to follow and they leave a lot of people when they get to my age in about 35 like in a sort of existential crisis that will the revolution didn’t happen and I didn’t get killed I didn’t die in the gutter you know I mean what am I going to do now and it’s like well maybe it’s time to become an aspiring Elder and you know clean up your act and and then start to think about how you’re going to make it easier cuz I there’s a lot of things that I had to go through that I would seriously love to have no one else ever have to go through and if you know if we can live in that. you know that is what you’re supposed to think that I think of you say you know you can you can learn from the wisdom of Elders who have gone through and made the mistakes that you’re probably going to go through or you can just be hard-headed and learn all your lessons the hard way but I mean we’ve had to learn a lot of hard lessons in the absence of the eldership but I think if we take on that there’s a yeah me too. It seems obvious but really the way you put it his medicine for me to think you know it’s a dignified path to be an aspiring Elder and then it makes you not be so how do I can help you defeat that that that grinding pressure that oh my I’m going to lose my looks and I’m going to lose my energy and I’m going to be in the state of deprecation towards death and that’s very much the greatest fear of the western manicured Uno photoshopped airbrushed identity like you’re not really giving any hope that aging will be of any benefit in here just marginalized further and further so I thank you for that serve very much still give that time sacred eldership dignity not a light title to hold I think the true Elder wouldn’t really feel comfortable in it cuz it’s defining attributes of an elder that is really one that can help that role be the best it can be is one that is is really accountable is really present isn’t so on the move that if you can’t you know be relied upon to be there for the people that it serves now needs to ideally be in the in the fellowship of other Elders to kind of keep it in in in check in a way like we have to watch for the Cole group kind of phenomenon where people you know place a lot of weight on that person and in a way that can privilege them in certain ways and also lead to potential like power distortions and things like that you know it’s it’s only human that people will make mistakes and so having that kind of accountability of other people and also that time yeah you have people heart or a different there’s always like in every phase of life with the lifecycle there’s there’s like the maturing phases and so there’s like you know there’s a baby elder there’s enough adult Elder and then Senior Elder and so it’s just we have to learn at each stage of Life how to become the mature version of what that stage is and says just something to think about as well and it’s good to to get your feet wet early on in life so that you know we can have deep roots and and the and those are the kinds of people to like in the Tamara situation out of the black community they have a circle of Elders who are basically people who have grown with a community enough that they know the people in their community and then they serve a role as potential kind of like the Matchmaker but you know in a way where people can approach them in and ask them like you know I’m interested in this person and they can help you assess whether this is the right time or what is a good or bad idea and you know they can kind of that. Whole courtship in a way that you know really I think I wish there were more of those people around here don’t you let me relax you know learn the hard way what does that we’re just not compatible certain people in The Matrix the I mean yeah I’m not I’m not a political scientist of the Matrix but I will say that what got me peaked on the ecstatic trance dance group ritual ceremony festival thing was it really when I saw I think it was maybe the second movie or maybe it was the second or the third but there was a scene where they’re just getting down to like Juno Reactor I think was a soundtrack of a butt there is something beautiful about seeing the different the warrior culture Guided by elders and of course there’s different the archetypes playing out in Conflict split that to me was took it further than then the Star Trek Federation is a futuristic Elder guided Council guided kind of reality so that was kind of fun but yeah so that’s what came to mind when you’re at we’re talking about that be so cool if you’re early sexual oracle’s who you go to you know if we’re going to give you insights and maybe even have name your child for you or something cool like that you know be so cool but right on then will I worry about at the hours so do you have any closing touch you want to share or any other resources or should we just I’ll post the the links that you mention and I’ll definitely encourage people to stay informed and keep an eye out for your anything coming up you have any appearances or anything exciting like that coming up you want to mention I think yeah I think I covered a lot of it and I just wanted to maybe plant a seed while I have the airwaves here about something that I’d I’d eventually like to work on presenting which is around insert Intercultural relationships and also decolonizing our relationships as well and just thinking about how how we can heal some of these ancestral traumas and use that has as as a means to strengthen our relationships and also our society right on I’ll be looking forward to everything that you’re you’re expressing in the world and I hopefully yeah maybe sometime in the future we can talk about skill sets for Beyond Christian monogamy that would be a great topic so yeah how would you feel about that maybe we can sometime in the next few months follow up with something like that. Maybe by the by the time I’ll have more of a personal lived experience to a base conversation around that I think you know in terms of people who are already I don’t know how many listeners here are on a Christian spiritual path without that many but if the energy and gnosticism and sacred marriage not going to the alchemical top in the in the Gnostic tradition but I I wouldn’t make any claims to be an expert in that area but it’s definitely something to look at cool alright then we will be in touch and will follow up sometime in the future and thank you so much so be I really enjoyed it and I know it’s taking us a while to get this to get this done but I think it was perfect and I couldn’t ask for anything more so you have a wonderful day. Take care and keep for listening to the touch upon podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and if you want a podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Contra Punk. Com Thomas Day
I’m joined again by M.F.P. we provide an audio lab report on our psychedelic sexual exorcism experiments. The combination of pranic healing, tantric sexual healing, Goddess Kali invocation, and sacred mushrooms has been yielding significant medically measurable findings. Please be warned, there is disturbing and triggering content in this episode.