Tag Archives: goddess kali

Jason Tantra Blissful Profile

Seeking the Heart of Gay Tantra with Jason of Tantra4GayMen TPP289

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In this episode I’m joined again by the charming Jason Tantra, the co-founder of Tantra 4 Gay Men. He’s stepped up into a leadership role in holding sacred spaces world-wide and online for gay men to share in the glory of Tantra.

Please visit his website at:
https://www.tantra4gaymen.com/

About Jason:

Jason is the founder of Tantra4GayMen, and a pioneer of Tantra for gay and bisexual men in the UK. Trained as a counselor and as a spiritual medium, and after years of professionally working with male survivors of rape and abuse, Jason met Tantra in 2006. He immediately knew that his life purpose had become clear. Since 2008, with his husband Ingo, Jason has pursued his life as an exploration of sexual and spiritual liberation. He has done this by creating events and trainings that express this: Events where men who love men can let go, explore love, and find ways to freedom where sexuality meets spirituality.

Over 10.000 men having been through Tantra4GayMen’s work. Its two yearly Festivals are beautiful wonderlands where sex meets spirit, bringing together facilitators from the cutting edge of Tantra in a context where men can love men without holding back. Its Tantra Diploma offers a one-of-a-kind transformative experience for those who want to live Tantra as a path of personal development leading to total freedom. Currently, Tantra4GayMen is expanding these events into the USA, and Jason and Ingo are working towards their vision of a community of open, free, conscious and aware men that are happy and in love with the very world they live in and themselves.

My Non Verbatim Show Notes: 

JT: thank you for inviting me back

talking in preamble, how’s it going, not been great, 2.5 months, look what’s happened in last few days in your country, complete horror, the world for me just doesn’t feel like a happy place, talking june 2

TP: feel you on that, hard to highlight things, generally would have been positive, hopeful, tone of shadow around everything, do feel like this, anchor moment, wound keeps being exposed

tantra teachers, she talk about, start doing shadow work, wounds go deeper, generations, trauma, goes deeper and deeper

tantra/tantra4gay men, tool kit for these times

JT: gay/bi/queer men who love men, like other pockets of society, we know what isolation is, we get it, for me, never felt so isolated in childhood, early adult life, until found places I could be accepted, many years to fully evolve, understand realize I had choice about kind of person I wanted to be

this crisis happened, for me,

just panicked about men maybe living on their own, high proportion of our community live on their own, home, apartment, months, uk things starting to relax slighting, everybody still in lock down, no bodies going anywhere, world not happening as it used to be

in SF, about to do a weekend, rug got pulled out,

biggest fear, I didn’t want to hear that anybody in my community had harmed themselved because they didn’t know how to cope, first panick

performed a bit of a miracle

what I did, messaged, all my tantra teacher, and associated contacts and friends, not a time to talk about money, time to be in service, in the middle of march, created free special online program for all of community in the app

5200 members in app around globe, managed to get 40 teachers, over the 10-11 weeks free program, ran over 600-700 workshops, over 10000 participants, incredible numbers, need, incredible spaces

many different tantra teachers from around the globe, yoga classes, poetry, bedroom disco, quality of holding together through adversity

so many of my community, been affected in jobs, relationships, home, structures of lifestyle, wake up in morning, low level anxiety, teeth clentching

emotional state day to day roller coaster

free online program, migrated into subscription service, sparkly app costs a lot of money per year

giving away discounts, promo codes to make it accessible to everybody regardless of whether they can afford it

global collective community, don’t have to suffer on your own

even in times of incredible difficulty and hardship, don’t need to do it on your own

people want to love you, hold you, care about you

share with you through this experience

TP: beautiful amazing, redeeming, resilience of human spirit,

epicenter of the outbreak of politicizing the virus, can’t believe how much extra suffering and death being caused by virus being political football, fog of war

still see beauty of things like what you’re doing

diy spirit, deeply radical humanitarian, grass roots, deep bows to the architects of internet to give us ability to do this

applaud you, deep bows, foresight to build online community

infomercial promo walk through

JT: talk about before that, far more important than our sparky app

low day, low moments, stuck in my apartment in bristol, not interacting with anybody other than online, emotional roller coaster, beyond that, my belief in love

can even withstand what this pandemic, crisis, event though huge amounts of suffering, misery,

still believe in heart, strength and quietness in love, stronger than negativity, something about love

for me there was like how can we physically manifest that

role as human beings to be love in action

spiritual teachings, consciousness, matter, is our job as humans to find ways to be the truth of who we really are

in the ways that we are…with people and our selves

sometimes worry some spiritual practices very lovely, ethereal, inner, work needs to happen

but for me, truth is, how deployed, integrated, displayed, how they manage to catch behavior before they react

watch themselves watch what’s going on

bigger spirituality

often in my workshops and retreats, profound orgasmic experiences, literally feel like orgasm and universe, same thing, traveling through space and time, for me afterwards, the whole universe has fucked them or they fucked the whol universe

for me an experience, not the truth of what we’re really looking for

maybe had amazing love making session, 6 months ago, year ago, 5 years ago, experience becomes less embodied as time moves on

for me amazing experiences almost a biproduct of what tantra offers

ability to have profound amazing fuck experiences, but actually the truth of those, is how they were integrated into your life, moment to moment

energy, being, learning that your being is running the show, operating the show

for me, is the experience, is the truth of who we really are, actually one big orgasm, state of bliss trying to understand itself on this thing called planet earth

for me, bliss love, truth all kind of similar qualities of the same thing I’m pointing to

how we bring that down here on this thing called planet earth

climate change, 50-100 years left, real issues, people we put in power around the world

for me what tantra does, alchemizes, changes perspective, back to a truth you can’t forget, weekend of tantra, can’t go back, can’t undo experiences

humans, come a long way, quite a long way to go

TP: eco sexuality, eco spirituality, inherent in tantra, always love the way people express that, brad amberheart, poetic integration, exploring nature, planet, fabric of cosmos, deepest roots of tantric scriptures, attitudes people had to abundance of nature, abandonment of hierarchies of yoga and bramanism, ecological radicalism, tantra heyday, like berkeley 60s event, full circle to that

medibations visualizations seeing world leaders having a tantric dancer come and bewitch them, seduce them into shakti vortex, having them be an expression of that

electric jesus, jonathan talat philips, all these leaders, rulers, egomaniacal, one big giant snowballing bad mood, curse of dictators in permanent bad mood,

spiritual practices, moving, dancing,

tantra4gay men global synchronized disco

giving back, service, apply, deploy

if you’re doing tantra you’re probably producing net positive energy outflow, gives you extra budget to spend on charitable loving acts

JT: first part, something about, contraversial,

TP: tantraversial

JT: we end up believe what’s being presented in front of us is the truth, come to america often, friends, people, news channel on 24/7, caught up in story of what’s happening on tv screen, that is their reality, spiritual journey of tantra is being able to see what’s going on

and not necessarily needing to get involved with it, not saying we should ignore the worlds problems, understanding we have choice, choose who we want to be with things happening

gay men, generalizing, being a sexual being, didn’t know the word gay existed, knowing I was different wasn’t good news

at age of 18, if I could take a tablet to turn straight I would have done it

not welcomed news at age of 18

america, religion done a lot of damage to sexuality, expression

repressed, clamped down, never know, alternative way of being

celebrate

brad amberheart, good friend, love brad, such a poetic way, way of speaking,

the point I’m saying, for me, what I’m wanting to bring in tantra, vehicle for freedom, actually if you see an animal in the zoo, suddenly open up the gate, so conditioned, in box, perimeter, doesn’t know the gates open

same as humans, all conditions to live a certain life, believe certain things, don’t know there’s something beyond

don’t really understand human potential, have clues, but not fully understanding

for me, what I’m seeking to do in tantra is enable people who’ve had so much experience, intimacy, spirituality, multiple orgasms, becomes normal, being in a state of orgasm, becomes normal way of being, then look at the world

hold orgasmic energy, state of bliss, knowing, love, truth,

power in that, that no body can take away, no outside circumstances can ever move you from that place

is that the spiritual journey

know the truth of who we really are, beyond the experience being presented in front of us, then have choices how we want to interact, deal with problems, and things we need to deal with

TP: beautiful, promise of tantra I have learned, you can transmute pain, trauma, suffering, fuel for fire of pleasure, magic, prayers, blessings, creating ceremonies, reclaim, ritual, paganism,

talking about politics of the world we live in , curious, I’m not into politics, anarchist, idealistically, consensus, direct democracy

curious, have any ideas, notions about, leverage points of queer people, different political power, mission to initiate people with power, and to empower them with shakti, shaktipat, kundalini

possibility of everybody, leading from a place, smell a flower and have orgasm, continual compounding orgasm, lacking in political leadership

JT: my mission as if I can help men, that’s my audience, find the truth of who they are inside themselves, whatever their life is meant to be, can than manifest

if you know love, know your own process, I know when I’m reacting from fear, anger, a place of love, a place of conditioned value system, having developed that awareness, gives you choice, choice is freedom

poliitcal, structures that we have, not about choice, not about freedom

agree, many political structures, not interested in evolution of humans, different values, priorities people put above that

we are, I don’t know if we’re waking up to it

but look at history of human nature, levels of politicization, kept people living in certain boxes, frameworks

not okay to have opinion, think something different outside of system,

many countries around the world that have done that

I’m after personal liberation in side

know it so much, so powerful inside of you, what happens outside doesn’t touch you in the same way

a lot of men I work with, have many issues before can get to that

working through, in classroom as it were, men that are confused, lost, that are dissatisfied, men typically come to tantra because they’re unhappy with something, or know or believe there is something better

tantra deals with sexuality makes it an easier sell than a meditation weekend

TP: done a lot to lather up the orgasmic energy, lot of hope and positivity

to be fair to the path there a bit of shadow exploration I’d want to throw into this

something you said right now, how people find this path, really is small fraction

tantra teacher from south africa, put it well, if you’re on a crusade to try to enlighten everybody on the tantric path, I got news for you, basically its like, at any given time on earth, percentage of humans alive, spiritual seekers, very small, of that percentage the people who actually make it a few steps before turning back is even smaller

the people who do make it there, do their best to hide

build your temple on the highest mountain

other narrative, make it accessible, easier to at least get access to filtering and initiation

not be ripped off, raped, molested, abuse, financial abuse, fraud, spiritual industrial complex

cherish the work your doing

polishing gems

something came to mind, point of acknowledging beauty of these art forms

thread of tantric scholarship around notion that rama krisna, rebooted tantric kali worship, for a whole new wave of accepting of the dark goddess, sexuality, wildness, transgression of dark goddess energy of tantra, socially/culturally engineering to be more acceptable, orthodox households

scholars argue, he was a flamboyant gay man, devotees, I’m not the scholar, something for people to look into, interesting and deep study

when I’ve been exploring that rabbit hole, rama krishna cult of kali in tantra, one of the gurus of lineage, giving satsang, the people who show up at kali temple, usually there, in some form of despair, acute life event, or series of events, brings them to the feet of the dark goddess at kali temple, in shambles, at least there will be peace, there will be love

other traditions, sex negative, homophobic, have to deny parts of yourself to be loved, tantra temple bring whole self, baggage, sins, homosexuality, still get fully love, healed, peace

JT: one questions I’ve had, why do gay people exist, has nature fucked up and made it wrong, trans, gay women, all different permutations, humanity, labels, why do they exist

wonder, consciousness wants to know it’s truth in this density of matter, in every single permutation it can possibly muster up, no 2 humans ever the same

part of the exploration of truth is this planet, could be every single permutation of itself , so it can know truth at every level

love the fact that trans agenda has come up in last few years

everybody worthy of love, everybody is love

society needs to evolved, challenge ego, ideas, normal, okay, love does not discriminate

conflcts that go on for me, invitations go move into deeper stages of love,

america last 2 3 days, absolutely horrific, the way its been handled horrific, can’t feel love, compassion, apology

understandably people are pissed, really angry

feel whole situation needs to find resolution in love

politics, tricky ground, america has not answered a lot of social issues it has, people are pissed, angry, rightly so, they know there’s a truth beyond the structures of society

TP: on point, pretty moderate, things could be said more extreme, I’ve been on front lines of resistance, carrying a variety of different flags,

chills, people who’ve really hurt other people, seeking the heart of tantra

salvation for sinners, people who intentionally, sociopathic, harmful, narcissistic, if love is this vibration, give it a personality, hinduism, devis, deva, personalities, all pointing to ineffable vibration of love, om mantra, resonance, if you’re hurting people because you don’t know how to love or weren’t loved enough

tantric temple recalibrate love compass, do less harm, become a healer

JT: diana ross, chain reaction, we’ve seen that in different times in history, invitation right now, change more love to happen, other thing, always said in teachings, human beings don’t change from a place of comfort, always change from place of suffering, what’s motivation to change, if miserable, isn’t working, something isn’t right, questioning, what’s going on here

wonder whether misery is a good thing

original tantra, tantra I teach is neo-tantra, osho, his body of work, my teaching lineage, comes from work that he created, teaching for 15 years, evolved and developed methods/ideas

psychotherapy, large proportion in my work, want people to learn how to integrate, give words to experience so rest of body and being can integrate

original tantra, ingo, years of academic information, original tantra for me, born out of dissatisfaction, that said at the time that only people of a high class and men, were worthy enough to access spiritual teaching, and soul evolvement,

tantra, a spiritual journey could be accessible to everybody regardless of caste

spiritual journey available for everyone

original tantra, different rituals

often people think original tantra is the best, is the more authentic, more amazing, some of original rituals, vegetarian or vegan, hold a piece of meat for next 5 days, and see how we get on with that , as a meditation, don’t know about you but if I was going to sell a workshop with that as the primary ritual, don’t think I’d have many takers

talk about the tantra that I and other people offer is of its time, the tantra we’re teaching now is of its time, we need to learn who to be okay with sexuality, have relationships with our body, understand the truth about orgasm and bliss, deal with the crap that gets in the way of shame, judgments, guilt,

some methods about moving people through a spiritual journey of where we are in 2020

TP: totally agree with that, notion of intelligently consciously triggering yourself with transgression activities

aghori sadhu, eating from skulls, extreme deprivation, acts of rejection of orthodoxy

to your point on adapting that best intentions of transgressive stuff, bicuriosity, ritual container, what is it that’s holding you back from experiencing double love and excitement,

taking phobia, turning it loving ritual container, it your point, tantra as tool kit for adapting to repression of your time, mean something different to everybody of every different culture

difference between eating rotting flesh in graveyard, and piece of art that signifies, it, if it gets the job done, maybe you don’t have to do the life threatening things

Tantric Quest, book, description of his experience of encountering wild yogini, heart of transgressive, jedi training, she was his yoda, sexual initiatrix

are there gay tantra books for men that narrate that process of initiation, not necessarily with indian, gay man guru, that would be pretty stellar, book you give coming of age literature about tantra

JT: didn’t have that tradition in england, when we came of age, think it was a bottle of alcohol, the world needs a good gay tantra book, on my to do list, one day, when stopped manifesting and creating, moved on to the next stage, curious around how we pass knowledge on to each other, are books the right way of doing it

talking about that app, curating and talking about experience of tantra, practices, things you can do, a lot more accessible, absorb knowledge books v online

feel something should be recorded for the time purposes, kind of put together, the world does need a good gay tantra book, don’t think there is one, or haven’t seen one

TP: cliff hanger, just talking other day, did meet up called kundalini monologues, love idea of curating the online museum of gay tantra, website, database, ways for people to be searching content

JT: app, talk about spiritual things, have to go back and talk about business/organizational

TP: got 7 chakras to distribute that load,

JT: chakras could do with a vacation

app with developers 18 months, alternative to grindr, scruff, wanted to appeal offer, another way to do this thing called a gay life

different way than what’s being proported by different apps out there,

asked ingo, husband, co-founded/co-runs tantra4gaymen

went shopping, ingo, finance director, said I could spend some money, bought off the shelf app, 10s of thousands of dollars to run every year

for people curious about tantra, wanted to know more, also to me an online, loving, caring family, global

5200 men, mostly uk, usa, europe, astralia, south africa, click on members near me, find local tantra men, big news feed, free content, goes in dailiy, articles videos, questions, pictures, people we buy it from, shocked, our audience so involved, statistics off the scale

global tantric community of men, keeps us all together, profiles, messaging, members near me, topics, article, writing, recordings, could go on about all of that, all for free, easily downloadable in tantra for gay men app

TP: that’s so amazing, a lot of things are flashing for me, something niche, overexemplifies the technology platform

attention, marketing,

if gay men in the tech industry, IT, webdev, are they covering this app as a news item, free press/pr for fact that it’s breaking chart numbers, gotten people reaching out, wow I want to create a plug in

JT: could always do with more, gotta get the word, out, anybody’s listening has avenues for that to happen, I’m all ears

how do we finance, all functions features, free, want them to remain tree, launched academy, miracle, 40 teachers, premium subscription $25 a month, tantra love academy, inside app, 120 live workshops every month, collective of 40 teachers, each doing 2 or 3 workshops about everything

yoga, tantra,

really the best tantra spiritual teachers in our kind of community, offering workshops as part of academy each month

promo code, 1 month free subscription

TP: love and creativity from gay community, light years ahead, very impressed, super excited

bored and frustrated with apathy a lot of sectors in the straight world, more balanced, flowing, creative energy, queer communities, more invigorating, more fun, west hollywood more fun, follow the fun, get over it

JT: why do I do all of this, for me, it comes back to my belief in love, that is the ultimate truth,

vocation, dedication of my life, help men find that truth, or find their own truth inside themselves, thanks for having me

tantra4gaymen.com

download app

tantra4gay men app in google or apple store

Gay Tantra Ganja Oil Massage with Eco-Sexual Religion


CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THIS VIDEO FOR FREE!

Listen to the track Eco-Sexual Religion on Spotify

In this video I demonstrate a gay tantra massage with ganja oil, with an Indian model and Eco-Sexual Religion as the soundtrack

My love is a public resource
Abundant and not to be controlled
Come and get as much as you want
It’s first come first serve
I’m Goddesses’ gift to women
And God’s gift to men
Eco sexual religion
The divine is through our skin
I give orgasms for orchards
Compost your fear of sin
Disrobe and worship nature
Let’s come to fruition
My body is a temple
You must enter with respect
Your heart’s purification
Makes you a worthy initiate

Seeking the Heart of Tantra with Nirmala Nataraj TPP57

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Nirmala pic In this episode I am joined by Nirmala Nataraj. I discovered her great works in a search for a teaching on the symbology within the Kali Yantra and found her article.

She has graciously blessed the podcast by sharing her story of personal transformation through Tantra and Goddess Kali worship. She holds sacred space for me to share some of my revelations and research and generously provides validation of and guidance for many of my most controversial discoveries.

Together we weave a mutually affirming narrative of personal healing and spiritual growth through our devotion to Kali. We emphasize the need for preparation, care, and caution when approaching her might and magic. We also encourage listeners to find supportive fellowship as they rediscover and reinvent Kali’s vast primordial irrepressible nature.

Nirmala shares a description of the Kali Yantra and conducts a devotional guided meditation using the Yantra.

We close with a brief discussion on sexual healing and empowerment through tantra and she offers some great advice for individuals and couples to break through repressive cultural conditioning and reclaim the power and beauty of sacred love making.

Please connect with Nirmala and access her services via her websites:
http://sacredfirecoaching.com/
http://nirmalanataraj.com/

About Nirmala:

I’m Nirmala Nataraj, a San Francisco Bay Area-based Desire Guru and Taboo Slayer (and you can find me at my day job here)!

Sacred Fire Desire Coaching is my way of connecting directly with those who want to embody their truth. My wish to expand people’s repertoire of tools and resources through creative problem-solving is paramount in my approach. I especially love to work with people to clear some of the obstacles that keep them from expressing their deepest truths—obstacles such as shame, past experiences of trauma, and the inability to embrace and integrate every last part of themselves.

For me, healing is something that happens when we are willing to wrestle our demons…and then become their friends (which also happens to be a recurring theme in my writing). I’m also interested in inspiring my clients to view relationships, intimacy, and sexuality as viable and rigorous paths to personal development and purpose.

My training background includes the OneTaste Coaching Program, the Co-Active Coach Training Program, and the Bay Area Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Immersion Program.

AI Generated Transcription:
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear love his phone cover Township podcast episode number 57 I’m here with nirmala and we’re going to talk about goddess Kali and all of the beautiful magnificent ways that she’s entered our lives and given Direction and guidance and some of the Practical applications that we can all use to access her love and medicine and then we were just talking briefly about how apt it is that she was recently featured on the Empire State Building projected during a an endangered species slideshow production that that occurred and then at one of the Visionary artist Android Jones had a slide in there which is a beautiful collie face rendition and caused a bit of an uproar as you’d expect this is sort of a starting point to talk about this her she’s being called forth now to help us and if you don’t believe that you can look up the pictures didn’t see that you know it’s like the Batman signal or something so anyway that was my little brief intro and I normally would you please say thank you for joining us and please tell us about your background and in your path where to start my so first of all I I work I work pretty heavily with just what I consider the energy of desire and being somebody who’s been on a non dualistic tantrik pot for as long as I can remember and I grew up in a traditional Hindu household and both of my parents are from India and I was raised here so a lot of my own path has been about bridging cultural differences and really diving into the energy of what I see as the collective Shadow and for me desire is something that is really capable of helping us to heal from that split that we tend to have between masculine and feminine Darkness and Light and and I think that Kali is a really as it’s kind of emblematic of what it could look like when those when those pictures are heel and when the split is healed and we and we stopped being in conflict with ourselves and and so a lot of the work that I do is around healing our healing our connection with our sexuality healing our connection desire and my website is sacred fire coaching.com because because I do believe that our desire is the sacred fire that lives within us and it’s our responsibility as incarnate beings 210 that fire so that’s a little bit about 10 of the work that I do and I can talk a little bit more about that later but insurance if my own path I would I would say that it’s it actually comes from pretty ancient lineage and my family is from South India and there’s a long line of country cuz in the area both of my parents are from a lot of Hindu Tantra practice today can be found in South India and a lot of these practices are related to the 10 wisdom goddesses who are known as the Mojave Diaz and they’re very prevalent in a lot of different forms of Tantra and Kali is one of them so these goddesses are revered in South India and by far the most strongly maintain tan tradition in South India is his status Street as yet and she is Supreme goddess and a lot of practitioners in the street of your tradition including people in my family tends to be married householders and often there’s a family tradition of practice but being a woman is South Asian descent who was raised and the West I grew up in California back to Tantra has been its it happened been as direct it hasn’t been a part of this unbroken lineage and in fact I would say that that Tantra is still something that in in India in a lot of traditional Hindu family it’s really still seen as kind of a a dark path and there are still a lot of just as misunderstandings about Tantra abounds in the West on there’s a lot of misunderstanding about Tantra in the East and I think a lot of that comes from just you know Colonial attitude two words the way that the body and sexuality and certain spiritual practices were four kind of conveyed so a lot of I would say that a lot of Hindus in a lot of Indian people in general have kind of internalized those attitudes so so like I said before my path back to Tantra has a lot to do with my own exploration of desire and sexuality and desire and sexuality as a rigorous spiritual so I’ve always been interested in sex and sexuality and actually since I was very very young back when nobody in my family talks about it and if the same time because I I grew up in a household where devotion Devotion to god and goddess were really kind of a part of our daily existence I I was always in an environment that was very overly spiritual actually one of my earliest I wanted to be a nun and I wasn’t Christian nobody in my family was Christian but I remember just reading about female nuns and Mystics and being so drawn to this idea of devoting myself body and soul to God so I have always been on a path that I’ve considered devotional and that I’ve considered a path of surrender and that gradually grew into a worship of the dark goddess and all of her forms as mahakali as inanna Ishtar as as the Virgin of Guadalupe and that was actually really connected to my own discovery of feminism and goddess worship as a way of bringing the salmon in back into spiritual practices so so over time I was really interested in how the dark goddess encourages us to dissolve our boundaries between the sacred and the profane and I think that that’s what led me to Tantra and in addition a lot of my former work I used to be a Rape Crisis counselor and so I’ve worked with a lot of women who have felt just generally wounded and disconnected from their own essential sexuality and sensuality and a lot of my work has been without healing. Chasm and I for me working with collie and working with different forms of the dark goddess has been immensely healing I I really can’t even put that into words and end this this really comes from my own experience of how many women and it isn’t just women it’s also none how many of us have been wounded by a pervasive cultural attitudes about sex and sexuality and the sex is an extremely powerful force and the time because I knew this and they know it and and they work with it and incredible and hoping ways but sex is also something that’s a power that can be misused and as women we we often use that power in ways that don’t serve us and we use it to to do things like we to make people fall in love with us for instance where to use sexuality as a weapon because in many ways text has been used as a weapon against us and very few of the women that I’ve ever met has have worked with their sexuality as a source of pleasure and is a source of achieving Union ecstatic Union with the Divine so that’s that’s been a really big interest of mine how do we how do we move towards sex and desire to do that and also another really important aspect is my pot that I kind of alluded to earlier is looking at this experience of being bicultural this experience of growing up in two completely different traditions and and Bridging the Gap because I do think that Eastern forms of thought like Tantra obviously we’re seeing them becoming more and more popular and more and more needed and the west and at the same time there’s there’s just been a lot of really interesting stuff that’s been happening in India in particular and other places where traditionally women haven’t held over positions of power and where there really is still a lot of suppression as far as sexuality goes it’s amazing that India’s this place where Tantra and the Kama Sutra came out of but at the same time there are still horrific attitudes towards women are still bride burning since honor killings and end public rate end so I think that we really we really need to come to an understanding that that Bridges the disconnect that exists and it and I think this isn’t just a disconnect that’s about east and west and our attitudes towards sexuality and body and spirituality it’s a deeper and deeper conflict that’s being healed and it’s a conflict that I think lives inside the human consciousness and that collie and got us have to have the profound power to really heal so so a lot of the work that I’m doing is that the dressing that dualistic split again you know between nature and civilization masculine light and dark and I’m really interested in accessing your life force which is it’s the erotic nstemi accessing the erotic it’s it’s a spiritual act it’s a political act on it’s what we can do to claim our freedom as creative beings and I’ve really seen magical things happen we can act without energy and I’ve seen that happen in my own life and just to give you a little bit more background about myself about 7 years ago or so I was in a marriage that was falling apart and everything looked great on the outside I have been with my partner for close to a decade and something was missing and I didn’t know exactly what and I felt so guilty that I can be in this marriage that where everything looks perfect on the outside but inside there was something essential that was missing that I couldn’t put a name to I’m so I buried that understanding three years and years and and finally at some point the entire relationship just kind of exploded and it was like goddess herself came into my life and and shown this Stark light on to everything that I had built and and I felt like I was falling apart and it was a revelation and it was very difficult for me at that time and I think it’s that way of guilt and shame this this sense of internal knowing that there’s something that’s missing and I look back on that time now and I know that what was missing was my sense of connection to pleasure and desire and two goddess really to the feminine I think that that weight of guilt and shame of wanting and longing for this thing that we don’t have words for it it keeps so many women from tapping into the full extent of who they are and they’re afraid to even admit to it so I would say that my my real talk begin with just acknowledging my desire technology that there was a desire that was not being mad and it was not being that in the context of that marriage so after that I I would stay the night I went on an odyssey that involved Tantra it involved doing some somatic therapy sexological Bodywork and seeing what has been frozen inside me and this experience with Awakening and another itself and I really wanted to share that with other women and so many of the women that I have worked with had really similar stories and another thing that I’ve discovered that’s been remarkable is that a lot of the women I’ve worked with have kind of come into their own relationship with goddess and we’re really finding you know we can’t we can’t divorce our sexuality from our sense of connection to God has for my sense of connection to the universe and to each other and I think that would have been recognizing the night I should say that I work primarily with women but I’ve also worked with men and I’m seeing this awareness and then also is that we are seeking to make our ecosystem harmonious we’re tired of being in conflict with ourselves and we want a sexuality and a spirituality and creativity and community that are all integrated where we don’t have to leave any part of ourselves out answer me with the work that I’ve done in Tantra and with my own practices that involves connecting with collie she she is that energy she is fat energy of you know what here’s this is this is who you are this is all of you take it all you know the good the bad the ugly the things that you perceived as beautiful things that you perceive is garbage and use it because it’s yours and that for me has really been the gift of working with Tantra and being on this path wow thank you so much I’m just like smiling like ramakrishna this whole time here he missed that one photo that’s like so ecstatic and blissed-out the love of the mother just is so intoxicating and yeah yeah this is so beautiful for me to hear especially the did you see at the intensity I mean I’ll tell you that a lot of the time for that I was exposed to four years didn’t go anywhere near Shadow work or collie and when it’s when she was finally you know various when she entered my life very forcefully but yet beautifully I realized how much well just started to scratch the surface of what was missing from the westernized you know hyper-sexualized Tantra that’s not really getting into the deep Shadow work so yeah I really appreciate just having you on this in this conversation and if you don’t mind before we get into the the yantra if I could just Explorer some of my questions for you about Kali and how how she can be accessed and what some of her roles are ya so like I said I was going to learning Township techniques and breathwork and eye gazing and meditation and chakras and Kundalini stuff and and and it was just sort of well divorced from Sedona and goddess worship and so you know the encountering of in the wind a true just to passionate Devotion to the goddess for how much love there is there in one set started to pour into my life and when you know female sort of priestesses were starting to enter my life to initiate me and connect me that way I started going on a frenzy of really studying this force of nature that’s beyond words really beyond the iconic symbol of her standing on Shiva really that’s just a map but it’s not the terrain the terrain of her flesh in her being in her dimensions are so vast you know they’re unspeakable and I’ve gotten deeper and deeper into exploring her boundlessness and I’m curious as SUV gun into your ritual practice of of worship how how would you describe visual experiences an emotional and embodiment experiences send just a sort of narrative Beyond iconography that you’ve experienced too kind of compare notes you know I’m saying about that for hours yeah it’s it’s I think there’s always kind of this interesting experience that that we have when we decide to devote ourselves to particular path or even to a particular deity there’s you know kind of navigating that c of contradictions that all of the stories all of the lore all of the imagery on the experiences you hear about other people having there’s all of that that’s kind of floating and the Consciousness and I think it’s particularly complicated with Kali because she’s she’s so she represents a paradigm that to me is about moving beyond Orthodox representation socially Downs ideas of what’s good are appropriate so in some ways she’s she’s she’s really hard to represent and you know I’m constantly reading descriptions of Kali at that I that I think are grossly mistaken and I just a kind of I picked this up in park in preparing for this interview I was doing a bit of research and I was and I noticed that there was an Encyclopedia Britannica it describes collie as the major Hindu goddess whose I can. she calls in mythology commonly associate her with death sexuality violence and paradoxically and some of her later historical appearances motherly love which I think is really funny because I don’t think any of that is paradox in some ways and comprehensible and so I I would actually say that eyes my relationship with Collies when that is I mean how can it not be informed by certain cultural ideas of who she is whether those are coming more from Orthodox Hindu ideas of who she is and I should say that I grew up in a household that very much revered Kali and and and Shiva in particular they were they were on the present so there were lots and lots of beautiful pictures of collie with her necklace with severed skulls and it was always really funny when I had friends coming over to my house and they see these pictures and it’d be like oh my God that’s that’s so creepy that’s so messed up like why do you have these pictures up in your house and I I really agree with a with an enormous amount of reverence for these images which you know that they might look violent on the outside but they’re just they’re just representations you know their representations of things that exist within each and every one of us then and I always for me I always felt that was that was the beauty of it the beauty was in was in the imagery that that didn’t just fit didn’t just done represent her as being kind of the docile nurturing mother but there’s love these in here there’s love even in this and I really grew up with that understanding so none of that snooze paradoxical but at the same time a lot of Hindus will say oh well, he is actually really loving there is no there is no ferocious aspect beer I think that still persist even among people who do follow her and I think that it’s really important to it’s really important to see that so that her love is all encompassing it it really it’s her love is is her dancing in the Charnel grounds it’s her cutting off illusion at its roots it’s her frankly doing all the shit that we humans don’t want to do that we don’t want to face and I think I really I’ve really discovered Kali in my body in my dreams there’s a very there’s a personal relationship that I’ve had to develop with collie that’s about yes it’s about entertaining the way that she appears in the world and imagery and iconography and I think that there’s a place for all of that but it never became quite real to me until I experienced her for myself until I experienced myself in her grip well yeah well I think that the the story that you read that I wrote it was it was about coming face-to-face with her during I guess what I could describe as being a Dark Night of the Soul on at a time in my life where I felt completely alone and in many ways forsaken by just the spiritual practices that I had had and it was just a really it was a very lonely. My life and I didn’t have a spiritual community that I could really share this with and the most intense experience I had is coming face-to-face with Mama was it’s so appropriate it was during my first Ayahuasca Journey and and I it’s it’s funny sometimes when I described that Journey to the people that they’re just horrified because it really felt like I was coming I was coming face-to-face with death with my dad with the death of everything that I had held to be stable and fixed and everything I thought of as being me and and I think it’s really it’s important of course to remember that collie Collies name is it comes from the Sanskrit root for time and there’s nothing that is skates you know the march of time there’s nothing that escapes her and so and I do think of calling is being a goddess of death but I I’ve always seen it as being the death of the ego and that was that was kind of the experience that I that I had and I which is not to say that I think my ego is completely dead or the even that I wanted to be completely and totally different conversation altogether but but I really felt that this this experience that I had of coming face-to-face with her was about overcoming all of these ideas that I had about who I was and I think that when we become encased in those ideas those ideas become a prison and we don’t allow ourselves to grow into what we could be we don’t allow ourselves to move in the direction that our souls urine for and so I it was it was an incredibly on uplifting experience it was the experience of I’m dying and and also understanding that part of me that is eternal that that is not my you know the part of me that is not my body and not my personality and not my ego which is not to say that that stuff is in the gated because I cannot have that experience was just an even deeper appreciation for everything that I do have all of these tools that I do have at my disposal and I just remember coming out about journey of being sort of like wow I have have this body and you know like my body does all this amazing stuff that’s so cool and there was a sense of. Being you know a face of this this larger being that I am but I bet that’s part of the mystery it belongs to the mystery just as she lives in a mystery and I kind of felt that little journey into my death was this this this beautiful on kind of sojourn into that deeper mystery where you know everything that we believe about ourselves is is just untrue on and it’s it’s interesting cuz it feels like to me that was ego obliterating but it was also on I would say that it’s the most loved that I’ve ever felt it’s the most I’ve ever felt and it was in it wasn’t it was coming to me and it was moving through me and I was that love and if anything it felt like it just it it made me so much bigger then I then I ever knew was possible and that’s me is is just kind of stuff ultimate that’s the ultimate encounter with her she shows you how small your ideas of yourself really are there so puny know who you think you are and what you believe you’re capable of compared to the reality which is just so vast it’s it’s like you know if we settle we settle for so little in terms of our lives than 10 we settle for safety but I but I do think that with the soul wants is that experience of vastness and that experience is moving in to know the places that we fear which I kind of like the veil in front of the vastness you know you got it you have to move through that in order to get to in order to get to that place where you like oh yeah this is it this is this is the experience that my soul has been hungering for and I was the experience that I knew I was hungry for when I was in this dead-end marriage where everything like the future had been written it was everything had been predicted I know I could cross it all off my to-do list and die happy according to someone else’s standards of what that happiness was but I would never have gotten to that to that place to that place of you know feeling this Indescribable love the love that comes through when you’re willing to surrender your ideas of who you are and what your life is supposed to look like and said that experience that’s a very that’s that’s always going to be a personal experience for anybody and it’s going to look different for everybody and I’ve got to say that was that was fairly recent in my life and I honestly don’t know that I that I really knew Kali was before that I had an idea I had a deep reverence for her but I wasn’t touched by her in quite the same way as I was when I allowed myself to go into this experience and allowed myself to say yes I’m okay I’m okay with my dad so just to sort of Jump Ahead a little bit I think there are a lot of different ways to really make a connection with her to get in contacts but I do think that one of the quickest route is is Ayahuasca if if any of your listeners are so inclined it seems to be kind of a direct a direct line to her and and I think