Tag Archives: evolution

5 Tips for Staying Positive During the Covid-19 Pandemic Vanessa Soulxo TPP265

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In this episode I’ve syndicated 5 tips to stay positive during the covid-19 pandemic by Vanessa Soulxo

About Vanessa:

Vanessa LeMaistre is a Spiritual & Soul Empowerment Activist. Her platform provides a self-improvement/positive lifestyle brand to customers who are looking to feel whole within themselves. Vanessa has overcome a lot and believes if she could, so can you. Vanessa is very inspirational and she aspires to inspire. She provides inspirational youtube videos on her youtube channel: www.youtube.com/uareart and on her social media platforms she promotes exerts and positive affirmations from her upcoming book. You can find her on social media platforms such as Ig, snapchat, Twitter under the name: vanessasoulxo which is also the name of her website domain. Her Facebook is her first and last name: Vanessa LeMaistre

Please visit her website at:
vanessasoulxo.com/

My Non Verbatim Notes:

Corona virus 5 tips to stay positive

gone through tons of profound trauma, going through a traumatic time can be good

personal experience, trauma helped me prepared for times like this

get suited and booted, bring the guns out cuz we already know what that’s like

going through trauma strengthens you

when you’ve had trauma, you know here we go again, its time for me to bring my guns out and fight with life

don’t let it bring you down

personal experience, all traumas, time of transformation, completely transformed me on every level, cellular, physically, energetically

trauma is transformation

not a time to fall into hysteria

a lot of people, hysteria spreading like wild fire, people freaking out

I understand being cautious and take care of your self to not get sick, and not infect other people

take a step back, question mental health, not to judge, is it really necessary to be hysterical

falling into the trap of hysteria is a way of operating on a lower frequency, done with lack of awareness, lack of higher consciousness

operating from higher consciousness, hysteria/trauma around you, you’re able to see with keen awareness, it could always be worse

we’ve made it as an evolution this far, why not take notes on how people have survived

first time in 5 tips for how to stay positive, trust

we’ve made it this far, to freak out to the point where you think the whole world is going to end is irrational

trust in mother earth

beginning of time, life continues to go on, the universe is very sustainable

universe knows exactly what its doing

corona virus is a time for people to heal

great time for universe to heal, all of our systems to heal, coming out of a capitalistic mindset that’s no longer serving the collective, the global consciousness

opportune time to rest and recharge

time to go within

time for systems to be rebuilt

even in nature, there is a phase of hibernation, or rest, before the seed sprouts, time to reset, a system cannot be recalibrated without taking that time for pause and recluse, time to recharge

many systems that are failing, I honestly believe all the systems are failing, judicial, church, corporations, just not getting it right, hierarchical platform no longer serving themselves, each other, the earth

all systems currently failing, time to reset and recharge

connect with yourself

use this as a time to really connect with manifestation, what do you want to see the new world like

the earth is suffering, universe is exhausted, can’t keep operating the same way

what am I gonna do to change things moving forward

make changes within your being that will offset, recalibrate where you were before

shock to planet, to humanity, to be called to go within

evolve

constantly doing the same bs, gossiping about people, watching tv, feeding ourselves with all this bs, lowering frequency

universe shifting on higher frequency

I struggle with how can I connect with myself more, how can I choose to love myself more, what can I give myself today usually things that aren’t comfortable

so easy to go shopping, go out to eat

I think it’s a blessing

connect to your feet, ground yourself, connected to areas within yourself that do need healing

happening so we can heal as individuals, universe can heal as a whole

change

make the choice to change, don’t continue doing the same things you were doing before

learn the lessons, if you don’t learn them they keep showing up

earth speeding up faster and faster, if we don’t choose to evolve, things like this will happen naturally, it’s just not in alignment

choose to change

change is never comfortable, definitely takes action, what better time to change,

universe is supporting you by shattering everything that you’re used to

things will change

looking at all the change that’s happening

bringing your guns out

trusting this is okay

choose to be a better person

taking the reclusive time within yourself

not constantly looking out to feel fulfilled

change for the better

use this as an opportune time for self care

baths, journaling, meditating, walk in nature, the sun, hug a tree, feed your soul

through self care, you’ll evolve

manifest, operating on higher frequency

make shift in positive direction

through self care, living in capitalistic society, go go go, staple for a level of success, achievement that is false

earth/plants not doing that

through self care, it becomes easier to see what it is that you need to raise yourself to a higher frequency, through self care, a really big one is taking the time to set positive intentions for yourself

times get hard you do have to push harder

set positive affirmations, life will go my way, my dreams will come true, I will make it through this

I will be a good person in my community

through self care, we’ll better know how to take care of others when this does pass

this too will pass

it’s not permanent, drop the victimization

stop feeling really week, choose to feel strong

universe would never give you anything that you cannot handle

just got back from Haiti

met a really amazing guy, had this positive energy, stating that in Haiti, not one person with the corona virus, living with virus, suffering, here there’s life

so optimistic, so positive

I felt optimistic by taking on his perspective, there can be life found in the midst of all of this mess

life is within you

don’t feed into all the bs don’t just sit there and watch all the funny memes of corona virus all day long, you’re not using the time to grow

what will you stand for when things go back

things will be changed they will be transformed

 

The Sacred Sexual Healing Path of Gay Tantra Teacher Brad Amberheart TPP233

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In this episode I’m joined by Brad Amberheart

My new gay tantra hero has joined me for a deep exploration of all things gay and tantra. He takes us on a journey through his journey, a cinematic adventure behind the veil and into the inner sanctum of a magical priest of love. I felt lifted out-of-body and into the clouds while experiencing his eloquent narrative of personal evolution, healing, empowerment, transformation, and transcendence.  I was in the perfect mood to shove off the shore of normal waking consciousness to dance within the erotic consciousness of Brad’s historic evolutionary path towards bigger and bigger love.

About Brad:

Brad Amberheart is a Tantric sex coach and erotic workshop facilitator who works primarily with gay men. His primary passion is working 1-on-1 with men who are ready to explore erotic ecstasy as a pathway to a higher understanding of who we are and why we’re here. Brad has also led transformational erotic rituals at international Tantra festivals for people of all genders, including the Hawaii Tantra Festival and the Tantra Love Fest in Glastonbury, UK. Between 2017 and 2020, he wrote more than 120 concepts for conscious evolutionary Gay Sex videos and worked on 7 gay erotic film sets to coach male erotic models in how to convey a deeper sense of heightened sexual freedom and expression on camera. His latest endeavor, as of January 2020, is the launch of his podcast series, Gay Tantra, which is the first podcast series in the world devoted fully to the experiential practice of Tantra, Sexual Magic, and Erotic Mysticism for men who have sex with men. To listen to his podcast, watch his gay erotic videos, or book a Tantric Sex coaching session in person or via video conferencing, please visit bradamberheart.com

 

My (not verbatim) show notes: 

Tantric sex coach, erotic workshop facilitator for gay men, host of gay tantra podcast

Gratitude to tantrapunk podcast for invitation, a month ago, searching for gay tantra podcasts, closest that came up was tantra punk because of interviews with Jason Tantra and others, listened to quite a few podcasts, deeply touched by transcendental eroticism, self pleasuring that encouraged men to cherish our own bodies, and use orgasm for healing

right when just about to contact tantra punk, I got an email we found one another at the same time

sitting in same bedroom in grandmother’s house, live in western north carolina, talking today from home of ancestors, family lived for 5 generations, same cedar tree I decorated with lights over the holidays that was my height when I was twelve, now the same age as me, gigantic cedar tree that I can go in and hide and masturbate if I want to, right in the front yard, I think that’s a good frame work for what I’m about to tell you

grew up in very conservative religious background, lucky enough to have parents that were open sexually, even though 70s, father was deeply wounded emotionally and spiritually by the Vietnam war, I came into a world of turmoil and chaos

parents thought sex was a very important part of life, educated to embrace sex and its beauty

went to church, encouraged to wait until marriage to engage sexually, parents didn’t subscribe to that

even though baptist church, it was quite moderate. The horror stories about fundamentalist religions weren’t a reality

always cared for, always loved

when got into high school, more than before, became problem child

asked questions you’re not supposed to ask

Jesus never got married, how old was he when he did, is there anything in the bible about him having sex with anyone, because you’re not supposed to have sex before marriage, does that mean that Jesus never got to do you want me to die a 33 year old virgin, nailed on a cross

pleaded with youth minister to talk, he looked at me with kind eyes, I feel like a lot of people are asking the questions you’re asking but you’re the only one with courage to ask, I wonder what Jesus’ sex life was like

he got married, after wedding we all looked with longing, maybe he’s getting some now

still what really impressive, miraculously I was not shunned, encouraged to explore curiosity

curiosity is a foundational root of what it means to be on a tantric path

heard of tantra first from sister, she said, have you ever heard that there’s certain guys in the world that instead of ejaculating, they use that energy for other things and have these trippy experiences

didn’t hear the word again for many years, didn’t have sex with anyone all the way from puberty until I was 22 years old, partly because of religious upbringing, and partly because of craving, longing, excitement related to men, attributed it to admiration

if I would see a hunky guy there was a certain excitement

also noticed going on dates with women, it was done from a place of attempting to please relatives, to convince them I was normal

greatest obsession was to study all day saturday, for international science fair, studied sun spots through a telescope every day, instead of having sex

while every body else was exploring sexuality if they were lucky, I was at the library, I was a total nerd

went to church every sunday, even when parents quit going, I was the spiritual leader of the family, always asked to say the prayer

what’s more relevant, I remained disconnected from other people sexually all through college

I was religious but at the same time rebellious

celebrate new years in florida with my cousin

I wonder what jesus’ sex life was life, I’m 22, I don’t really want to die a virgin

willing to find any woman who’d be willing to experiment with me

wasn’t able to find anyone that wanted to go to bed with me

story going on in my mind, maybe people who go to bed with people of same sex was because they couldn’t get in bed with someone of the same sex

the story I got about homosexuality was not pretty, not positive, not encouraging, it was scary

tantra, in retrospect, for all the years that I wasn’t having sex I was pursuing other passions and putting a lot of energy into really creative work

how did I ever get on a tantric path, all the times masturbated by myself, I was on a tantric path, I was harnessing my energy and putting into what I cared about even when I wasn’t having sex

learned how to take self into fits of excitement and ecstasy, at that age I ejaculated a lot, so I found every creative way to shoot my cum all over the place

I became my most devoted and delighted sex partner

I had a lot of fun by myself, didn’t know til in college, most guys masturbate with their hand

I actually found it much more pleasurable to fuck the bed, I would writhe and squirm all over soft sheets and make noises into the pillow, I loved ejaculating onto the sheets, didn’t realize that not everybody did that

cultivating an ecstatic whole body practice

when I did find a willing, exuberant, excited sex partner, the ecstasy I had been cultivating on my own 9 years, was over the top with another human being, on top of a wonderful man’s body in Alaska, marvelous orgasm after orgasm for hours, must have ejaculated 4 or 5 times, I was still 22, now looking back, years of whole body jack off fun by myself became the foundation for years of euphoric sexual bliss with other men

the tantric path made itself known to me, overtly around the year 2000, I was 26 years old, had been in a corporate job for several years, traveling back and forth to Siberia, environmental consult to gold mining companies, had no sex life

Still investing in what I really cared about, didn’t have sex partners other than self

sit in closet, get high smoking pot, get out a stack of porn mags, started to noticed even though all my porn mags had women in them, they also had men, loved to seeing men’s cum, loved seeing to men and woman together, undeniable theme

one night jacking of in the closet by myself and said, wow I live in a city of 100,000 people, there must be someone else out there who would love to do this with me right now

ventured out of closet, went to a bar, chatted up the cutest guys I could find and I had hours and hours and hours of mind blowing sex as often as I liked, if there had been any guilt or shame or trepidation, I took 9 years to get over it

when I came out the closet, I came out with flying colors

tantric path continued, something was happening that was not normal, not typical

I would be making love with a guy, no penetration with first 20 or 30 partners I enjoyed, always face to face body to body cock to cock lips to lips, over the top orgasmic, wasn’t any penetration but would find that, would allow self to completely lose myself, didn’t have to hold on to earthly reality, go flying, when I would come to, the men I would be with would be like, “dude I have neighbors”, what do you mean what do they have to do with anything, well you’re making a lot of noise man, what else would I do I’ve waited 9 years to enjoy this

they would enjoy it but they would try to shut me down

I hear this from friends when they make love with women, always concerned with how big it’s gonna be and how loud

at present moment I hold play parties for people of all genders, last play party, all of the noise that came out of my house was the screaming orgasms of women, didn’t hear men making any noise, windows were open, screams going through whole neighborhood

I told everybody in the beginning, it’s spring time its hot windows open, if you’re going to scream and orgasm, consider that a blessing to the people who live here, whatever you’re facing aim that energy into the earth, that it can bless this ground that has suffered so much for so many generations and so that the people near by can be blessed, consider the people on this continent that are hurting and let your waves reach those people

and I heard a lot of screaming from women, because, frankly I don’t know how many places in the world we have sanctuary to really allow that unstoppable orgasm to come out, I really feel it has frightened men for a long time, it frightened many of my sex partners early on

I had never been with anyone, I had only been with my ecstatic self, when nobody was home in my parents house, I was shouting hallelujah, I was screaming because it felt so fucking good, I didn’ tknow anything about holding it back

learned about body electric school in 1999, had been hearing more about this tantric thing

workshops where guys rubbed on one another’s cocks, and they would see colors, and visions , and maybe speak in tongues

room full of men would go into whole body orgasmic bliss but nobody ejaculated

it was really trendy in the 90s, a lot of people talked about it, wow I did it and I saw colors

I could travel back and forth in time, very different than what I was seeing in porn, to this day when I watch porn, still haven’t seen one that shows people having a transcendental experience, where they’re flying above the oceans and swimming with the dolphins while they make love

still waiting, when I make love I get to swim through oceans, I get to hear the whales, I get to smell the salt air, I get to travel through the world and its what I want for people to know more anything is that in addition to being a fuck load of fun to have sex, it’s also a vehicle that connects us to everything alive on the earth, and everything that ever has lived, no such thing as death, people that came before are here alive and we can visit with them, this is the potential of our sex, that I’m not hearing spoken about except out of my own mouth,

my tantra speaker spoke about it when I finally tantra, after the body electric school, where I went to workshops where men rubbed on each other’s cocks like a magic jenie bottle and transcendental experiences

when I was invited to my first tantra workshop I said well what is it, is it a tantra massage and he said no, it’s tantra

you mean tantra is different than massage, he said yeah it is

I went to this workshop in a log cabin, with some one to this day I consider to be one of the most authentic and resonant lineages of tantra that I have found, rudolph valentine

we do this tantra workshop in a log cabin, it’s hot, but there’s a pond and we bathe in a pond

it’s great we’ve done it lots of time, you should come, so I did

12 men there, all got naked, lined up on bank of pond, farm pond with frogs in it, every few minutes, hear them and nights sounds, crickets, we all line up, leader motions for us to take step forward, 12 men take a step into this pond with water up to our chest, remembered grandmother, I remembered her saying she was baptized in a pond, as soon as that thought came to me, the workshop leaders invited us to get into a circle, the two of them got into the center of the circle and they invited the first person to step in to the center of the circle, I thought are they really gonna do what I think they’re gonna do, I decided to go first, I stepped into the circle, one of them put his hand behind my head, the other held my hand, they both looked at me and I knew what was happening, they nodded as if to signal are you ready, I shook my head,i let out a wail, I stood in the middle of this pond with 9 men surrounding me, and two holding me in the center, and I wailed, I felt the sorrow and the disconnection of how I had been to be loved and cherished by a spiritual community and the pain of how it felt to be disconnected from your spiritual roots, in my heart I had a prayer that this time I would embark on a spiritual path that would hold everything that I am and allow me to be everything that I could be, and had room for every part of me, all of me the slut the priest, the father the son the man the woman everything in side of me the dark the light I wanted that path that could hold me, that was what tantra was, that was what tantra meant

I nodded, and they immersed me in the water and I had my second baptism, the first time was inside of a church when I was 6 years old inside of tank, they put you in this paper robe, and they bring you up out of the water and the whole church can see you all wet, with this paper clinging to your body

here I was in the pond, naked being baptized, this is the way to do it

moments in the workshop: looked at one of the teachers and said I’m so glad that I finally met my teacher, what do you mean, you’ve already had a teacher, what are you talking about, because you told me about the person that taught you everything, everything you already need to know about tantra was already taught to me, who was it, he said, your grandmother

my grandmother was a master at finding light in the darkness and master of turning obstacles into means, when I finally did meet my tantra teachers, 28 years after I first met my grandmother they told me the same things that she had, they were just the first to put it into words, my grandmother always had plenty when there was nothing, she had joy even when she lived in hell, she found heaven in hell, I’m sitting right now in the house that she lived and died in

my tantra teachers told me that tantra is the consummation of the inner marriage and while some of us look for a partner outside of ourselves to marry, most of us skip the essential step of finding that partner within ourselves first, I had a lot of time to practice that inner marriage, it’s a never ending relationship just like any marriage

shadow work, all of those pieces of ourselves that we think are ugly that we wouldn’t want others to know

its an instinct, there’s a part in us that isn’t always happy

part of us that feels angry, part of us that feels scared, there’s a part of us that feels enraptured, a part of us that feels enraged, the further we walk on the tantra path we’re prompted to see that there’s a place for all of this, to find the marriage of these opposites, the ultimate journey of what tantra really is all about

one more thing I want to add, I happen to be a gay man, I really love the word faggot, I embrace that word as part of my magic, and I happen to be a faggot who really loves to make love with women who love faggots, have had ecstatically joyful partners who were female, I had to embrace my delight and love of other men, before I could allow myself to be the complete faggot I am in bed with women

had precisely two maybe three ecstatic female lovers, they are female lovers that really love gay men,it’s really helped me to see the perfection that a lot of men who have sex almost exclusively with women, also have the complete right to enjoy sexual freedom with other men without necessarily having to put a label on it

visually when I look at women’s bodies, I can admire them I can appreciate the embodiment of the goddess and yet its way different, it’s not like a look at a woman and go I really want to have that right now, I really only objectify men

what happens with women, I approach it as an opportunity to commune with the divine, pathway that connects us with the divine, it no longer matters how old they are, how fat or thin they are, kinda fem or kinda butch, doesn’t matter what gender they are, if you’ve found source of your erotic expression in yourself and you love erotic expression for the pure excitement and sake of erotic expression it is possible to journey ecstatically and cathartically with a wide diversity of partners, some people ask me, how can you have sex with someone you’re not attracted to

one of my primary lovers is twice my age, I’m in my 40s, one of my lovers is in his 80s, we have some of the most transcendental experiences that I have with any partner, I make love with people not because of the way they look or how old they are, but authentically because I want to commune with the divine, I like to travel I like to transcend time and space, I get a lot of insight and guidance for what I’m gonna do with my life when I’m in that state, that’s why I make love

people say what type of person are you into, what type of person turns you on, I say a person who’s fuckin as excited as fuck to make love with me, that’s the kind that really turns me on, if they’re excited, I’m excited, if I’m excited they’re excited, there’s a resonance, that transcends appearance, age, social class all that bullshit

women, I’m really grateful for women because, making love with women was like, a later stage threshold that I crossed because that was when I really recognized, wow, I can have a transcendental erotic experience, and be a faggot with a person of any gender, I can, it can’t just be anyone, it has to be someone who knows we’re on a journey, and we’re connecting with something bigger than ourselves, if a woman just wants my dick its not gonna work, lots of time I don’t even get hard when I have sex, if I’m in a cathartic whole body state nobodies paying attention to how hard my dick is, that would be a liberating lesson if more men in the world were able to feel that the ability to connect ecstatically with the divine and another human being is completely independent of what they’re cock is doing, that’s radical

some of the most whole body orgasmic states I’ve ever experienced and witnessed were with people who’s cocks weren’t hard, don’t get me wrong I love hard dick AND there are a lot of ways to go into cathartic whole body ecstasy

homophobia…i barely use the word anymore, don’t often feel like I’m battling homophobia, which is a beautiful place to be

our world really does shift with the shift of our inner perception, the transformation of ourselves and planet using sexual pleasure, what I’m really asking of people to invite ourselves to consider that ecstatic sexual pleasure is available to far more of us than we’ve ever dreamed

we feel we need a partner of a certain type, in reality if we join with other partners who recognized that we have the opportunity to fly, to sail through the skies and the seas, experience realities beyond what we see, what meets the eye, we have the opportunity to go into multiple realities, the future on planet earth is that we’re going to see a world more filled with people who are excited about having sex with a variety of partners, less focused on getting hard, ejaculating, and fulfilling a whole checklist of what they think needs to be done to have great sex, and focusing more on oh my god, we have an energy field right now where if we introduce the faintest intention, that is going to manifest, as soon as we say it is done

10 years ago I spoke the impossible, I was in a native american ceremony with 100 queer people and I was asked why I came and I said I want to see the day when our people can fuck and enjoy the fuck out of each other and squirt our seed inside of one another and know we’re actually healing one another not killing one another

full on sexual delight was some how equated with death

I want our people to be able to share our medicine free from fear, healing each other not killing each other, I had no way of conceiving how that would be possible, today there are multiple opportunities for people to enjoy sexual pleasure with people of all genders like never before free from fear, a lot of people are using Prep, they’re taking something that allows them to free themselves from the acute anxiety that has for all too long accompanied them and their sex

not an advocate, or promoter, nor do I discourage people to use things things

the world has transformed, we have sex with each other for healing and health

its what brings us life

what’s coming up, the most exciting thing happening in my tantric path, is the gay tantra podcast

12/31/19 I issued the first episode, it was pretty hard core, it was a hard core sex scene, interspersed with sacred magic, to alert people that raunch, kink, and downright ass fucking is integrated with magic and health and healing, followed with talk with 8 other men, with how tantra relates to sex among men, created an exercise people can do

I’ve contributed to the creation of over 120 evolutionary gay erotic videos, all on my website:

bradamberheart.com

on the home page, I have links to the evolutionary gay erotic videos, gay tantra podcast, soon more links to upcoming events world wide

Jason Tantra and partner, created an app, that allows conscientious gay men who are exploring other realms of sexual magic and healing to meet each other, created at the same time as the gay tantra podcast, master of mind of universe created the gay tantra podcast and tantra4gaymen app at the same time

even if you’re not gay, you just occasionally like to suck dick, listen to the gay tantra podcast

event’s coming up, will be posted on website, announced on gay tantra

series I’m most excited about is a series that teaches people how to use , or harness their sexual pleasure as a tool to connect with higher sources of wisdom and information: transcendental sexuality

receive insight, new knowledge, and information

super excited some of the videos I created are still being edited

it’s a really evolutionary time to live on earth, it’s an evolutionary time for men who are exploring conscious sexuality with other men, unifications happening through colleagues, Jason Tantra, Davey Wavey, collaboration on videos

a network has been created that’s spanning the globe, super excited about gay tantra as a platform

each month an exercise as part of the series, free guided sexercises, more to come

The Divine Goddess Created Our Species to be Homo Sexydelicus

In hyperspace all of my intellectual understandings of the feminine divine gush out of my normally linguistically confined cortex and flood my body as I dance naked to psytrance music at a thunderous volume.

All that tantric theory comes alive and I become the sacred dance of Shiva and Shakti. The god/goddess energies flow through my delicate fleshy human frame and it feels like every cell is writhing in orgasmic ecstasy.

Without entheogenic amplifiers that plug me into the transcendent currents of the earth and the cosmos, the visual fantasies I daydream about are fleeting abstract projections. But with them, the pineal juices flow and the third eye conducts an orchestra of orgiastic imagery not on the typical 2d screen of the minds eye, or even 3d, it’s multidimensional.

When I conjure up images of female beauty, I don’t just see frames of the center folds that the patriarchal culture has tried to sell me that flatten my experience and make me a consumer of an objectified product. I don’t have a thin and shallow lust for the culturally conditioned standard of beauty. I actually become the feminine divine. I shape shift into a curvy breasted being made of milk and honey.

I’m somewhat androgynous, about 25% gay, but not particularly fem, I just like the way it feels to engender the sacred union internally, which is the prerequisite to be achieved before hoping to create sacred union with a partner. It’s a fractal phenomenon, self-similar at all scales. Learn to balance the feminine and masculine within, then build outward with one or more others. The potential to consciously perform the balancing act of energies is what allows us humans to grace the predator/prey landscape of life on earth with magical divine co-creativity.

At one point of extreme trance dancing, I realized that having rented the Carmen Electra strip-tease workout video wasn’t just out of some giggly horny impulse. I actually like to dance that way, it feels great, it kills the toxic destructive male ego to stir up the feminine divine within. Without the need to be macho and constantly hold back the natural drive to be peacefully sensual, a man can know true freedom. Sacred sensual erotic dance is for everyone. In essense, it says to the divine feminine what Terence Mckenna said to the Mushroom as it came on to him, “Take me I’m yours, take me I’m yours.”

I think about how much psychic energy gets expended everyday in the world just to maintain homophobic masculine identities. What a tiring waste. In the movie Eyes Wide Shut, there’s a poignant scene where Tom Cruise is walking down the street at night kind of taking a weird dream-like tour of bizarre manifestations of human sexuality. At one point a mob of frat jocks walk by and verbally attack him in a frenzy of explicit homophobic hate speech. I see this a lot, because there is no healthy acceptable outlet for men to experience their femininity and explore their innate curiosities, they’re constantly frustrated and obsessed with verbalizing and visualizing aggressive homosexual acts with each other. They’re constantly accusing each other of wanting to engage in what they say is unthinkable, yet there they are thinking about it all the time.

Back to my own trip, I grew into liberated politics as a punk runaway that would go into the local all ages queer nightclub in Portland to avoid the curfew and be safe inside the strobe–lit, techno pounded walls until sun-up. There I was exposed to a vast array of genders and sexualities, all entraining to the beat, dancing and expressing a kaleidoscopic rainbow of divine masculine and feminine beauty. It was sexydelic and I loved it.

It was many years later as an anthropology student that I discovered the existence of the little known primate species called Bonobos. They’re pigmy chimps that make love not war. They resolve conflict and maintain peace and egalitarian social bonds by having non-reproductive intercourse across sexes, constantly. They’re also an extremely rare example of primate matriarchy. Through elaborate circles of sisterhood, they keep the male ego in check and never let the males believe that they can dominate. Males are meticulously trained to remain humble and respectful. It’s as if the females know instinctively that the male ego is a dangerous volatile force that has to be carefully managed to ensure the absence of violence and domination.

As obscure as they are in the primate world and in the collective consciousness of our culture, they just happen to be the most genetically similar to us of all the other primates.
We didn’t directly evolve from them, however it stands to reason that we evolved along similar paths. If you buy into the obsolete orthodox Darwinian evolutionary religion, you’d have to believe that Bonobos and humans arrived at their/our unique extra-reproductive sexual instincts by some errant genetic defect for which nature hasn’t had a reason to squeeze out of the gene pool. But I this is monkey shit. To help bury the idea that life forms are purely the result of purposeless random mutation, I like to reference an analogy I heard on a Tony Robbins tape once that went something like: to believe that there’s no intelligent creator of life is like believing that the Webster’s dictionary is the result of a random explosion at a print factory.

Entheogens provide the experiential percept, rather than the belief-based precept, that there is a divine force of creation, or many perhaps. Who/what/where-ever they/it/she/he is/are doesn’t matter to me as much as the fact that some form of organizing consciousness is actually pulling us forward into an ever more complex biological being that can experience ever more depth and texture of sensuality.

We’ve lost all of the defensive and offensive biological weapons and shields. We don’t have fangs, claws, spikes, venom, talons, etc. We don’t have an exoskeleton, we don’t have a shell, we can’t run very fast, we can’t see behind us, we can’t smell our enemies, or sense their vibrations, we can’t see all that well, we can barely even defend ourselves against the cold.

If we’re not here to fight or flee, what “f” word does that leave?

We are the naked ape. Why? Because somehow a few genes failed to switch on somewhere back down the evolutionary ladder, that’s definitely part of it, but not the whole story. There is always a dynamic dance going on between environment and consciousness, but in the case of humans, there is so much more going on. The rate of drastic change that led to our neo-cortex, our nervous system, our linguistic apparatus, simply does not compute within the temporal/mathematical framework of random mutation according to evolutionary theory. Our DNA was definitely a designer piece, somehow injected into the primate world.

Every culture on Earth is an attempt to explain this mystery. For most of human history, cultures embraced the mystery and approached it in a state of love and reverence, not fear and violence. One of my tantra teachers describes a rough dichotomy in human culture. He says that prior to a few thousand years ago, all human cultures were inherently tantric, they lived in a sensuous way, enjoying life through the body and connecting to the divine through it. Then as the patriarchal dominator culture emerged out of domestication and civilization, a new relationship to the body began to colonize to globe: asceticism, the denial of the body as divine, the living in the head, in the ego. As the male ego’s obsession with control lost its balance with femininity and nature, the body and all of its magical wonders became just a vehicle for reproduction and war to accumulate ever greater amounts of artificial power and wealth. Study eco-feminism to get the most complete story you can find on this shift, suffice it to say here that this tragic twist of fate has betrayed our nature, our biology, and our designer’s dream to make sweet love to all of us through our peaceful, bare, defenseless, goddess worshipping bodies.

Terence Mckenna wrote and spoke at length about how the shift from partnership to dominator cultures was also rooted in the loss of connection to sacred plant medicines which help to regulate and diminish the male ego. He also points out that with the systematic eradication of the shamanic meme, a pharmacological shift happened as well. We didn’t just lose the ethnobotanical leash on the male ego, the leash became a whip that aggravated it with the rise of alcohol, which has inflamed the male ego.

Where there are plants there is peace, where alcohol is poured there is war.

There are so many aspects of the true fall of man to explore. I just wanted to name a few.

The main point of this writing is not to focus too much on the causal chain of historic and prehistoric events, but rather to look at the end result.

The naked ape that was designed for peace and love is now dominated by an insidious reversion to the alpha male syndrome. This is not human nature, we haven’t always been at war, the primitive are not the savage, our hominid ancestors didn’t club women and drag them into caves by the hair.

We evolved beyond patriarchal primate behavior long ago, and developed co-operative, psychedelic, loving, ecstatic proliferating goddess worshipping cultures that had managed to live sustainably as gatherer/hunters in virtually every different type of terrestrial environment. In short, through the mechanisms of peace, love, and plants we were able to cooperatively adapt to diverse environments without the need to conquer and colonize. It was not our nature to become conquerors and colonizers as a species, but sadly the potential to revert to a dominator mode has always been latent in our DNA.

Now we’re horribly off course and have wasted so much imagination, creativity, ingenuity, and innovation not to further our connection to each other, the earth, and the stars as we had for so long, but to create an epigenetic de-evolutionary descent into battle mode.

This is not to say that there was never any violence or weapons or warriors, but in shamanic warrior cultures there were limits to the destructive urge, there were still councils of elders that regulated the individual and collective male egos. There was still a tantric paradigm. People still had spiritual connections to the land, to each other, and to their bodies so warfare was not just a game of kings to whom young men were just chess pawns, it was dare I say, sacred violence?

Anyway, it dawned on me one time as I got into my divine feminine psytrance dance, that we were evolved to be beautiful and vulnerable so that we can experience more in life than a constant game of cat and mouse between predator and prey. As I was dancing and feeling so infinitely sensual there alone in the dark, with amplified senses and perception I could see into other dimensions. I became aware of the looming presence of predatory hyper-beings who were rushing toward me like alien insectoid sea creatures. They could sense my shell-lessness, my sweet squishiness and they were intent on devouring me. I felt truly helpless, but as in all altered states, you have to get a grip and seal the fear valve quickly before you fall into a dark abyss or get dragged into one kicking and screaming. You have to morpho-generate pretty pictures of unicorns and rainbows and you’ll instantly evoke the goddess and she’ll be there to protect you and ward off all the evil spirits that would do you harm. It’s as if in hyperspace, you’re not seeing things that aren’t normally there, rather you’re seeing things that are always there. The hyper-beings that feast on and metabolize human psycho-kinetic energies come in many forms and can only be seen with certain psycho-microscopic lenses as Timothy Leary might say…

In the interdimensional ecology of hyperspace, some beings perceive and treat us the way western society perceives and treats livestock, some beings conduct painful experiments on us the way vivisectors do to lab animals, some of them are intrigued by us and welcome us as lost travelers and act as guides into other realms. Many of them love us and want to share our bodies and experience ecstasy with and through us. But to all of them, we must surrender and let go of the shadow self. A mind full of negative thoughts and emotions is like blood in shark infested waters, while a mind full of love is a like a seeping maple tree in a forest full of deer. The mystery of enlightenment is solved by becoming lighter and stripping away the scar tissue, the toxic residue, the thought viruses, the ego, the resentment, the hatred, the guilt, the shame, the fear and be nursed like a baby in the luminous ethereal omnipresent arms of the eternal/infinite feminine divine.

Coming back to “reality” it was very clear to me that to be naked apes is very dangerous. We had to take really good care of each other to survive for 200,000 years or more. We had become very close in our tribal relationships and relationships with plants, prey species, etc.. We are so fragile, so interdependent. We’re so incapable of surviving alone, we’d be dead in days or weeks without the constant love and care of the tribe. We’re as defenseless as worms, but in trading in our shells and claws, we received the gift of the most prolonged intense pleasure potential of any other form of life on earth. And we were given the gifts of our unique highly complex brains, and our hands, our linguistic apparatus, etc. We are here to love and create, not hate and destroy. It’s as if the scared male ego wants to use our creative capacity to turn everything into a claw or a shell. Either hide from his true loving nature, or beat it out of someone else.

What a shame.

Imagine what we’d have accomplished by now had we stayed Gaian minded, egalitarian, tantric, goddess worshiping. Imagine if all of the grand wonders of civilization were done in the name of the goddess. What would our largest structures and statues be shaped like? What depths of innerspace would we have explored? How many people would be in a “nuclear family”? How many sharp, toxic, and otherwise lethal objects and substances would there be to teach every child to fear? What would be the number one cause of death? What would high tech computers be made of, and what would they be used for? Would we fly with fighter jets or with levitation? Would we swim in nuclear submarines or as mermaids?

I subscribe to Terence Mckenna’s time wave theory which states that the universe is an engine of novelty that over ever shorter epochs of time produces ever more complex integrated biological and cultural forms and systems with peaks and valleys of novelty fractally positioned throughout. So there is a fundamental law of nature which is, in a dirty word, progress. As an anarcho-primitivist I always fought the idea of progress as an enemy but now I see that it’s not that simple because to me it’s perhaps one of the only undeniable laws of nature. So you can’t stop progress…but you can stop patriarchy.

Patriarchy and it’s perversion and diversion of primate evolution is what has thwarted Gaia’s project to advance our species from the warlord chimps to Homo Sexydelicus, the naked entheogen seeking biological sex machines that we were each born to be, when we are born to be wild.