Tag Archives: eco-sexuality

Escaping the Matrix and Living the Dream of Wild Romance TPP244

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In this episode I share an important announcement that I’ve fallen in love with a land project and will be living the dream of romance with the wilderness

My Non-Verbatim Show Notes:

working on a land project

from now on daily reports, maybe stack them up if their short

my state of nature to be in the hills, the forest, the trees

most actualized life chapters, where I’ve been blessed to serve gaia and some sort of wealthier than me matriarch of a peace of property

there’s often been a romance novel cover mystique going on

i’ve been an ecological gigolo to some extent, luckily not the situation now

hasn’t always worked out the best

now clearing up karma, and maturing, and growing up stuff, more aware of red flags

in twilight of 30s feeling, this is the next best chapter

peaks and valleys of life

peaks when out there, feeling free, devotion to nature spirits, deep listening to the will of the ancestors of the land

i’m a paint brush for the land, soil repair, soil building, interdimensional source of healing, being a bandage on the land

in harmony with the human needs, the land needs, the soil needs,

social permaculture design, dabbling feng shui,

i really feel the energy flows when there is order brought to the disorder

the disorder of junk and clutter and generations agricultural paradigm shifting, so many different hazards, and decaying and rotting materials, really becomes a meditation to keep the surface of your skin intact, when you’re harvesting scavenged materials, when you’re gathering and macguevering, and a-teaming up a design

beautiful multidimensional, fully immersive art project, those are the peaks

the valleys are the times when i have to do the daily grind in the city, which i have been doing, almost full time, mostly urban permaculture installation work with various crews, in that sense morale is always dragging, its great to have solidarity, working for clients, seeing the transformation, flipping lawns to gardens

nudging the paradigm slowly, being the flagship project in suburban neighborhoods, it’s fulfilling and rewarding, more than most jobs

been blessed to work with super flexible and gracious teams,

understanding of LA traffic and respect for need for autonomy

crews have been so grateful for my help, and flexible with my schedule

installing drought tolerant native plants, sculpting land for rainwater catchment, all different techniques applied to make a site more sustainable, but at the end of the day, we’re still installing pvc, still using toxic glue that kills your brain, there’s this juxtaposition of the conventional paradigm, and the ancient futuristic permaculture paradigm, i strongly dislike to be such a purist radical, but i want to be doing this work and this play and this art in a more taoistic sense, not treading so hard on the earth, not just blazing in, what’s expected as contractors,

the hustle, the life of the contractor, cheep beer, nightly ejaculation, coffee every day, junk food

i want to be the barefoot gardener, who listens to the plant, doesn’t use any toxic material, re-use materials on site, an artisan approach

it’s a huge luxury because few people want to pay for workers to work slow

being a worker, whether your boss is an angel or demon, i’ve been very blessed

but it kills my soul not to be working for myself

at the end of every day you’re back to square one, making very little progress on your own property or your own garden

it’s draining and demoralizing

i’ve been very frugal, so that i can save and hodl crypto and to the hodl plus strategy from the bitcoin podcast, you’re not spending frivolously on anything, cutting expenses to the bone so you don’t have to sell off, do good by your future self, let your days be gifts to your future self, dollar cost averaging, stacking sats, always adding to your stash of whatever fraction of bitcoin you squirrel away for the future

assuming the overall uptrend is going to continue

on and off about 15 years I go from working for other people on their sites on their projects, just doing a daily grind to having way more spacious freedom to put all of my effort into a single site which feeds me, which shelters me if possible, which serves the intent and mission of the owner of the property, where you feel like a samurai gardener, I’m a landless peasant in the grand scheme of things, but when I can break free of daily grind of traffice, and commuting, but be steeped in an ecosystem where one day builds on the next

you develop this map of all the materials, where the plants are where the water flows, what the neighbors are like, what local sources of seeds and compost, and it becomes a grand theater

as adventurous as any video game ever was, the holistic fulfillment of it, moments where things really snap together is way beyond a video game, it’s not virtual reality its reality

you get to have heart opening, experience

every time you bump into a new plant or critter you hadn’t noticed and you get to study their beauty and no one tells you your slacking off cuz your vibing with a creature

tarot card reading, spoiled to take a step away from steady pay check, leap of faith, but knowing it’s the right thing for my soul to be focusing doing what I know best

this time under far better sexual political dynamics

its been a huge problem in the past

what do you call the drummer who breaks up with his girl friend, homeless

build karma, not destroy it

a lot to appreciate, significance of transition

it’s the bug out location, I’ve been living in bug out mode

prepper’s have a language of bug out bags, bugging in, bugging out

dug in for another round of zombie apocalypse training camp survival paradise, lots of fun

forest garden of eden music video as archival footage/portfolio/demo reel of my permaculture projects

shows the timeline of my evolution, urban, suburban, rural projects

feel like it’s the crown chakra of a career, feeling like I won the game, of course it’s just another level and the game continues, but you finish a level and you’re on to a new one, really in resonance with life energy

not as much of a horny whipper snapper

dakini said you go from testosterone arousal to oxytocin arousal cycle

I’d rather just do me tonight, I don’t feel pressure to go out and get laid somewhere, never successful at hooking up, never had a one-night stand

all that is to say, I’m still not interested in settling down with a woman, but settling down with the land, without feeling like a loser if not getting laid every night

many years of involuntary celibacy, I had no game
some blame I could point at those who traumatized me, but have to point at myself for not manning up sooner

dakini says you’re shifting your sex drive towards oxytocin

20 years of holding up a “Free Boners” sign, eventually had to take it down because it’s all gone, if you didn’t jump on it, it’s gone

a woman’s got to put in effort to turn me, because it’s not like it’s my first rodeo and I’m going to have a panic attack, because “it’s actually happening”

thinking about coming of age, a woman’s body is an enigma during puberty, a woman’s body is like a ufo, it’s that alien

then it’s a balance after you’ve been deflowered, do you get spoiled, do you take it for granted, do you lose that awe, and honor and respect?

Twins movie, cynical line about how virgins respect women, then lose it once they become players

hitting the nerve of the tragic sense, in the words of Garth Algar, I’m no longer a stranger to the ways of the woman or something to take effect, how long do you retain that sense of awe and wonder

I feel like it’s been painful, but a healthy balance to go through this life mostly celibate

I told myself the other day, no matter what women did, how long it lasted, how it ended, at least you know that you told the women you love that you love them, that’s all you can do

there’s always a list of people you’re chasing, and people who’re chasing you, people you’re running from and running to

Kenneth Ray Stubs on the podcast said to the effect of, when I was younger I was too horny to meditate, it took until I was older to be able to do the advanced spiritual practices

Growing up I didn’t catch the jokes about men’s waning virility, now they sting when I watch movies where those jokes were made

the first lost erection feeling like a transmission drops, WTF!

Was making love, pretty stoned, it could have been that, but at the age of 35, what’s wrong with me, I’m not feeling completely mind blown, lost the youthful sense of 100% immersion in electrifying stimulation, maybe we lost the spark, but it was unexpected because my lingam had never been uncooperative before, never been asexual but had to imagine that’s the feeling of dissociation from the actualized

then there’s the coolidge effect, men become sugar daddies to younger women, older women become cougars to younger men

I didn’t intend for this podcast to go this direction but it’s on point because, you can’t leave the city if you’re still chasing women, because you can’t see beyond the weekend

the need to get off, the compulsion to ejaculate, the compulsion to not be alone, to not be single, the horrific discontent to not be in a relationship

dating apps hamster wheel, slot machine crank of dating apps, mining old friends to see if their single yet, all consuming, ego self esteem, hormones

luckily I never was too spoiled, definitely still women who make the “shwing effect” happen like clock work, so it’s not game over, but it’s an interesting limbo state of I’m still extremely passionate I still feel a lot of eros, but it’s less hormonal and it’s more of an oxytocin mode, so the way women want to feel emotional attention that’s what turns me on, often that’s the gripe and why tantric men are in demand because the should be able to speak to the heart

in early days, of man I’ve got blueballs, or I’m going to prematurely ejaculate, a man is trying to calm himself down and meet the shakti, shakti can be raging like a stormy sea, but you gotta be the storm that creates the waves of shakti, bring the energy in

now I feel more like a woman
not interested in having drunk unsafe hook up sex, jealous that I missed out, but not interested any more

turned down a lot of sex in the last few years, we need to spend time designing a designer way to share energy and practice sex magic

not all women have the patience for developing a deep practice

now with a bit of financial security, ability to grow and compound financial permaculture and financial continence

deeper practice in resonance with the tao

in order to garden safely, or safer, not getting scratched, so many hazards, staff infection, getting sliced up, bundling raw garlic into gauze, blazing through, same energy approaching women

it’s a beautiful sweet spot to have some savings, make a property profitable and pay for itself, do sweat equity, multiple value and revenue streams, things start as a trickle, like a spring, a tiny drip, you can do a bit of earth works and store more water

financial healing, establishment of wealth and a slower more mature, more mid lifey kind of energy and approach

I think this is gonna be a good decade, a new way of inhabiting the body, more taoist and slower paced way of working on a land project

do the best permaculture, some people say don’t do anything on the land until a year of pure observation, just meditate and watch patterns

they say 99 hours of design and 1 hour work, verse 1 hour of design and 99 hours of work

the yield you get from more observation, you have a deeper more expansive diverse way to get the most elegant solution

kick down fertility system, one animal’s output because input for another

never before have I had such grace walking a piece of land where I can just move very slowly
in emergencies and disasters you do have to hustle, but if you don’t rush and you don’t run, and you’re not hustling daily, you really have a million times less chance of injury, and breaking things, tripping, hurting someone else, spilling something, over pouring something, every clumsy cartoon thing, it always comes from that financial knife at your back,just digging into you, I need to hustle to finish this job because it’s by the job and not hourly, or I need to be busy because everyone else is busy

its not healthy, it’s not sane, it’s super dangerous

chronic backpain, usually manageable, use some yogic practice

this will be the year of me developing an “on the mat” asana practice, up to now I’d rather being doing combative dancing

haven’t felt called after many exposures to different teachers of “yoga”, but I probably will be doing it more, probably realizing I have been missing out, time to get on the mat to get the benefits of that practice, looking forward to that, all comes back to feeling less rushed, less of a hustle

entrepreneur pushes boulder uphill, the wage earner is running on a hamster wheel

you push the boulder uphill moonlighting, and it slides back down while you’re on the day job hamster wheel, not many get the boulder cruising down the other side of the slope

most people lose their ass for 5 years before they turn a profit, you should be prepared

a lot of gratitude I have for this opportunity, hopefully not having to rush and hustle and speed around and be dangerous, I think I can swing it so there’s a nice balance of going back to work in the city and top off supplies and accounts until I get to a point where there’s a functioning business model producing revenue

glad to document via the podcast, not going to start out with video teaching, not trying to keep up with the Jones’ on social media

after a humble paleo meal of canned and jarred food at the low end of the health food market, no grain, no dairy, no added sugar, I can do a podcast update

hope not to offend vegans, vegetarians, it didn’t work for me, I still have hell to pay, I feel better, body works better, long standing conditions that are not pleasant that most people have, allergies, weak immune system I feel like I’ve strengthened, I feel better now than I did in my 20s

become a bit of a home brewer, its not a vice but it’s a moderate pleasure that I indulge in, holistic debauchery

luckly weened off cheap beer, never really like being drunk, really didn’t like being hung over

falling in love with home brew fermentation, participating with a biological process, gardening the process, it’s a beautiful thing, it’s a blessing, helps to get through some of the lonelier nights, and helps me be intoxicated with the love of the goddess

incel in the flesh, but blessed in the astral realms with dakinis, the romance of the goddess

nice to have some party favors and ritual elements that help to open the 3rd eye and the heart, losing the inhibitions towards the divine feminine sex goddesses, enjoying a more private more solo practice, not feeling the sharp pain of missing the party on friday night, missing the opportunity to socialize and make an appearance, collecting phone numbers

I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it, for me and most men, you’re gonna feel pressure, I dont’ know about next generation, porn and video games causing apathy towards sex, but anyway no way for me to talk about gardening with out talking about sex goddesses, and porno, etc.

intention to refine the masculine energy to put it to work on something constructive

I often think of the feeling, of being on my knees, putting care planting a nursery potted plant, I’m creating its home in the soil, doing this yoni puja this breast massage, that’s the Mr Miyagi, wax on wax off, that’s the permaculture tantra, what I would be teaching my teenage son if I had one. I have a duty of care for people coming of age who discover my work.

I gotta think responsibly about the Deenagers

Gardening as a pathway of restorative justice for sex offenders, a way to train sacred sexuality

Better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war

a lot of sex education to be gleaned form a permaculture training experience

the 9th form of capital, sexual permaculture thesis, designing for the energy sector of sexuality in a way that is post-monogamy, post-theological control, post-shame, post-guilt, post-patriarchy, getting to more of a sex at dawn paradigm

always made a joke of about a nude permaculture design course

doesn’t have to be a silly joke, there’s nude yoga

there is a place where this hippy, free love, LSD 60s sexual revolution, now there’s more deeper connection to shamanism, tantra, and permaculture

more intelligence with ecology

people are opening up with relationships, more influenced by tantric practices, despite distractions of social media, video games, and porn, there’s quite a refinement of the seed forms of the 60s

on that trajectory of what was started with my parents, they weren’t the wildest party animals but they were on point with back-to-land projects/training centers

things are evolving

it makes me think about 2012, I was a 2012-er, hard not to be after all the Terrence McKenna, that was a huge pressurized urgent, move fast and break things, that can be very dangerous in a horticultural landscape, we got through it,

I tried to accomplish a lot, I developed the ability to lead by example, I don’t feel the need to tell other people how to live

I think I can be content with this oxytocin based sex drive, with really delicate and deliberate romantic cadence

integrating gardening, heart gardening

I’ve tried to involve lovers in the process, some have been on board, others not

Always tried to seduce women into the garden space, to have them fall in love with the plants and the soil and become as clinging and needed to the land as much as my heart or cock

May only the greenest and purest of hearts and souls and minds be a part of my dark green magic from here on out

I have the blessing to play my cards right and put in my best efforts

Try to live by the 4 agreements, hopefully the problems to have will get better and better and the solutions will as well

learning to study patterns, ala the Permaculture Designer’s Manual

spend a night on youtube watching permaculture videos

Bill Mollison and David Holmgren, developed the design science, it’s like a bundled package of ecology and anthrology, engineering, earth sciences, economics, an amazing array of interdisciplinary approach to sustainable human settlement design, zero waste, there’s a lot to unpack

the simple way I can put it, whereas Ted K. went into the words and became coercive, Bill M decided to apply the wisdom of the forest and fight back with positivism, designer ecologies that function as elegant and efficient as a forest

it’s movement, sometimes think it’s elitist, its not religious, it’s not ideological, it’s scientific

if you’re gonna be an architect you’re going to have to learn all kinds of different roles and laws of how things work

we’re building civilizations with toxic materials, slaves, requires wars, and all kind of hell, we could be building our settlements according to design principles of nature

making sure there’s zero waste

you could live in a designer forest where everything that you placed in that designer forest is useful or beneficial, food, fiber, fodder

hydrates, seeds, extends itself

use the template of the wild forest, in that template you plug in edibles, medicinals, benefit that plants, animals, the soil, agro forestry is another term

not square gardens of patches and rows, not fields, not orchards, not monocrop

that’s the least efficient, most lethal and toxic

Just like Bruce Lee, Jeet Kune Do, bringing stuff together

There’s no other game in town, it’s an open source technology, not controlled by a central entity, it’s a decentralized movement by design

saw a beautiful luscious wild RABBIT, seemed quite healthy, I got a sense from seeing it that it was very happy and healthy

cackling of COYOTES in all directions

SQUIRRELS scurrying about

a shiny LADY BUG, unmistakable red dot, always a reminder to my analogy about the goddess Kali as a beneficial predator that helps you control the garden pests, as above so below, as within so without

found a big sprawling cuban oregan plant, respect to the Sunset Nursery for supplying my first plant, my favorite local nursery

CUBAN OREGANO like a succulent, big juicy flaps, meaty, has texture

lone BLACK SOLDER FLY larvae, made a new compost bin for it, affinity as the smokey ash black reminds me of my encounters of the dark goddess

ROSEMARY BUSH

Bromance with lead designer/land keeper, holism, spirituality, martial arts, being fuck yeah stoked about everything you’re vibing on, whether biking or skating or punk shows or girls, the excitement and enthusiasm for working together in a really harmonious way, playing fort, having that be doing this really fun stuff and trying to be productive and profitable, and create value, community, and education

Don’t like the word retreat, would rather be making an advance, what if Burning Man and the Rainbow Gathering happened at Occupy Wall street?…

The word retreat is not my favorite word for spiritual gatherings or workshop gatherings, for lack of a better word, we’re both on that path of building a robust spiritual holistic, regenerative tool set, guinea pigging things on our selves, battle test our immune systems, our diets, not just lead by example but all take on clients

my dual life as a sort of renaissance sex worker of sorts, don’t know what to call myself now, sort of artisan, somewhere between a professional and hobbyist in that realm

this is a place where my dear brothers could circle up for some deep men’s work

don’t want to be a cult leader, taking extreme precaution from becoming a cult of personality

precluding that possibility is a part of design

excess manure is lethal poison if not designed to integrate in a dispersed manner to feed the soil

music icons vs cult leaders

ethics and responsibility of meme producers

its all about rotation, it’s all about decentralization, the term is an ensemble cast that’s the solution to patriarchy, to dictatorship, share the love share the power, share the influence, know when to delegate, know when to lift other people up above you, I’m gonna try my best, by all means accept feedback, look at shadow

I left the same work crew in 2014 to go to the northwest to live out the dream of romance with a piece of property

When I left Babylon then, my dear eco-bro said, “Do Good”, so I’m gonna try to do good again this time

Permaculture or tantra, like ida and pingala, they’re complimentary

Heartfelt Honoring of Diverse Eco-Femininisms with Zanzibar TPP238

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Zanzibar pic

In this episode I’m joined by my dear friend Zanzibar!

About Zanzibar:

Zanzibar is a para-activist, tropho-autonomist donacrat who has participated in sissi-fraternal, progressional sociopercolation for decades. A dedicated Gaiaolatrat and femineurorevolutionary, glomp* has cotextured the trance-linguistics of metre and assonance over great calendrical longitudes. Glomp is a standing-wave emergence from anonymity who shelters in polywombic noir.

 

The Sacred Sexual Healing Path of Gay Tantra Teacher Brad Amberheart TPP233

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Brad Amberheart Pic

In this episode I’m joined by Brad Amberheart

My new gay tantra hero has joined me for a deep exploration of all things gay and tantra. He takes us on a journey through his journey, a cinematic adventure behind the veil and into the inner sanctum of a magical priest of love. I felt lifted out-of-body and into the clouds while experiencing his eloquent narrative of personal evolution, healing, empowerment, transformation, and transcendence.  I was in the perfect mood to shove off the shore of normal waking consciousness to dance within the erotic consciousness of Brad’s historic evolutionary path towards bigger and bigger love.

About Brad:

Brad Amberheart is a Tantric sex coach and erotic workshop facilitator who works primarily with gay men. His primary passion is working 1-on-1 with men who are ready to explore erotic ecstasy as a pathway to a higher understanding of who we are and why we’re here. Brad has also led transformational erotic rituals at international Tantra festivals for people of all genders, including the Hawaii Tantra Festival and the Tantra Love Fest in Glastonbury, UK. Between 2017 and 2020, he wrote more than 120 concepts for conscious evolutionary Gay Sex videos and worked on 7 gay erotic film sets to coach male erotic models in how to convey a deeper sense of heightened sexual freedom and expression on camera. His latest endeavor, as of January 2020, is the launch of his podcast series, Gay Tantra, which is the first podcast series in the world devoted fully to the experiential practice of Tantra, Sexual Magic, and Erotic Mysticism for men who have sex with men. To listen to his podcast, watch his gay erotic videos, or book a Tantric Sex coaching session in person or via video conferencing, please visit bradamberheart.com

 

My (not verbatim) show notes: 

Tantric sex coach, erotic workshop facilitator for gay men, host of gay tantra podcast

Gratitude to tantrapunk podcast for invitation, a month ago, searching for gay tantra podcasts, closest that came up was tantra punk because of interviews with Jason Tantra and others, listened to quite a few podcasts, deeply touched by transcendental eroticism, self pleasuring that encouraged men to cherish our own bodies, and use orgasm for healing

right when just about to contact tantra punk, I got an email we found one another at the same time

sitting in same bedroom in grandmother’s house, live in western north carolina, talking today from home of ancestors, family lived for 5 generations, same cedar tree I decorated with lights over the holidays that was my height when I was twelve, now the same age as me, gigantic cedar tree that I can go in and hide and masturbate if I want to, right in the front yard, I think that’s a good frame work for what I’m about to tell you

grew up in very conservative religious background, lucky enough to have parents that were open sexually, even though 70s, father was deeply wounded emotionally and spiritually by the Vietnam war, I came into a world of turmoil and chaos

parents thought sex was a very important part of life, educated to embrace sex and its beauty

went to church, encouraged to wait until marriage to engage sexually, parents didn’t subscribe to that

even though baptist church, it was quite moderate. The horror stories about fundamentalist religions weren’t a reality

always cared for, always loved

when got into high school, more than before, became problem child

asked questions you’re not supposed to ask

Jesus never got married, how old was he when he did, is there anything in the bible about him having sex with anyone, because you’re not supposed to have sex before marriage, does that mean that Jesus never got to do you want me to die a 33 year old virgin, nailed on a cross

pleaded with youth minister to talk, he looked at me with kind eyes, I feel like a lot of people are asking the questions you’re asking but you’re the only one with courage to ask, I wonder what Jesus’ sex life was like

he got married, after wedding we all looked with longing, maybe he’s getting some now

still what really impressive, miraculously I was not shunned, encouraged to explore curiosity

curiosity is a foundational root of what it means to be on a tantric path

heard of tantra first from sister, she said, have you ever heard that there’s certain guys in the world that instead of ejaculating, they use that energy for other things and have these trippy experiences

didn’t hear the word again for many years, didn’t have sex with anyone all the way from puberty until I was 22 years old, partly because of religious upbringing, and partly because of craving, longing, excitement related to men, attributed it to admiration

if I would see a hunky guy there was a certain excitement

also noticed going on dates with women, it was done from a place of attempting to please relatives, to convince them I was normal

greatest obsession was to study all day saturday, for international science fair, studied sun spots through a telescope every day, instead of having sex

while every body else was exploring sexuality if they were lucky, I was at the library, I was a total nerd

went to church every sunday, even when parents quit going, I was the spiritual leader of the family, always asked to say the prayer

what’s more relevant, I remained disconnected from other people sexually all through college

I was religious but at the same time rebellious

celebrate new years in florida with my cousin

I wonder what jesus’ sex life was life, I’m 22, I don’t really want to die a virgin

willing to find any woman who’d be willing to experiment with me

wasn’t able to find anyone that wanted to go to bed with me

story going on in my mind, maybe people who go to bed with people of same sex was because they couldn’t get in bed with someone of the same sex

the story I got about homosexuality was not pretty, not positive, not encouraging, it was scary

tantra, in retrospect, for all the years that I wasn’t having sex I was pursuing other passions and putting a lot of energy into really creative work

how did I ever get on a tantric path, all the times masturbated by myself, I was on a tantric path, I was harnessing my energy and putting into what I cared about even when I wasn’t having sex

learned how to take self into fits of excitement and ecstasy, at that age I ejaculated a lot, so I found every creative way to shoot my cum all over the place

I became my most devoted and delighted sex partner

I had a lot of fun by myself, didn’t know til in college, most guys masturbate with their hand

I actually found it much more pleasurable to fuck the bed, I would writhe and squirm all over soft sheets and make noises into the pillow, I loved ejaculating onto the sheets, didn’t realize that not everybody did that

cultivating an ecstatic whole body practice

when I did find a willing, exuberant, excited sex partner, the ecstasy I had been cultivating on my own 9 years, was over the top with another human being, on top of a wonderful man’s body in Alaska, marvelous orgasm after orgasm for hours, must have ejaculated 4 or 5 times, I was still 22, now looking back, years of whole body jack off fun by myself became the foundation for years of euphoric sexual bliss with other men

the tantric path made itself known to me, overtly around the year 2000, I was 26 years old, had been in a corporate job for several years, traveling back and forth to Siberia, environmental consult to gold mining companies, had no sex life

Still investing in what I really cared about, didn’t have sex partners other than self

sit in closet, get high smoking pot, get out a stack of porn mags, started to noticed even though all my porn mags had women in them, they also had men, loved to seeing men’s cum, loved seeing to men and woman together, undeniable theme

one night jacking of in the closet by myself and said, wow I live in a city of 100,000 people, there must be someone else out there who would love to do this with me right now

ventured out of closet, went to a bar, chatted up the cutest guys I could find and I had hours and hours and hours of mind blowing sex as often as I liked, if there had been any guilt or shame or trepidation, I took 9 years to get over it

when I came out the closet, I came out with flying colors

tantric path continued, something was happening that was not normal, not typical

I would be making love with a guy, no penetration with first 20 or 30 partners I enjoyed, always face to face body to body cock to cock lips to lips, over the top orgasmic, wasn’t any penetration but would find that, would allow self to completely lose myself, didn’t have to hold on to earthly reality, go flying, when I would come to, the men I would be with would be like, “dude I have neighbors”, what do you mean what do they have to do with anything, well you’re making a lot of noise man, what else would I do I’ve waited 9 years to enjoy this

they would enjoy it but they would try to shut me down

I hear this from friends when they make love with women, always concerned with how big it’s gonna be and how loud

at present moment I hold play parties for people of all genders, last play party, all of the noise that came out of my house was the screaming orgasms of women, didn’t hear men making any noise, windows were open, screams going through whole neighborhood

I told everybody in the beginning, it’s spring time its hot windows open, if you’re going to scream and orgasm, consider that a blessing to the people who live here, whatever you’re facing aim that energy into the earth, that it can bless this ground that has suffered so much for so many generations and so that the people near by can be blessed, consider the people on this continent that are hurting and let your waves reach those people

and I heard a lot of screaming from women, because, frankly I don’t know how many places in the world we have sanctuary to really allow that unstoppable orgasm to come out, I really feel it has frightened men for a long time, it frightened many of my sex partners early on

I had never been with anyone, I had only been with my ecstatic self, when nobody was home in my parents house, I was shouting hallelujah, I was screaming because it felt so fucking good, I didn’ tknow anything about holding it back

learned about body electric school in 1999, had been hearing more about this tantric thing

workshops where guys rubbed on one another’s cocks, and they would see colors, and visions , and maybe speak in tongues

room full of men would go into whole body orgasmic bliss but nobody ejaculated

it was really trendy in the 90s, a lot of people talked about it, wow I did it and I saw colors

I could travel back and forth in time, very different than what I was seeing in porn, to this day when I watch porn, still haven’t seen one that shows people having a transcendental experience, where they’re flying above the oceans and swimming with the dolphins while they make love

still waiting, when I make love I get to swim through oceans, I get to hear the whales, I get to smell the salt air, I get to travel through the world and its what I want for people to know more anything is that in addition to being a fuck load of fun to have sex, it’s also a vehicle that connects us to everything alive on the earth, and everything that ever has lived, no such thing as death, people that came before are here alive and we can visit with them, this is the potential of our sex, that I’m not hearing spoken about except out of my own mouth,

my tantra speaker spoke about it when I finally tantra, after the body electric school, where I went to workshops where men rubbed on each other’s cocks like a magic jenie bottle and transcendental experiences

when I was invited to my first tantra workshop I said well what is it, is it a tantra massage and he said no, it’s tantra

you mean tantra is different than massage, he said yeah it is

I went to this workshop in a log cabin, with some one to this day I consider to be one of the most authentic and resonant lineages of tantra that I have found, rudolph valentine

we do this tantra workshop in a log cabin, it’s hot, but there’s a pond and we bathe in a pond

it’s great we’ve done it lots of time, you should come, so I did

12 men there, all got naked, lined up on bank of pond, farm pond with frogs in it, every few minutes, hear them and nights sounds, crickets, we all line up, leader motions for us to take step forward, 12 men take a step into this pond with water up to our chest, remembered grandmother, I remembered her saying she was baptized in a pond, as soon as that thought came to me, the workshop leaders invited us to get into a circle, the two of them got into the center of the circle and they invited the first person to step in to the center of the circle, I thought are they really gonna do what I think they’re gonna do, I decided to go first, I stepped into the circle, one of them put his hand behind my head, the other held my hand, they both looked at me and I knew what was happening, they nodded as if to signal are you ready, I shook my head,i let out a wail, I stood in the middle of this pond with 9 men surrounding me, and two holding me in the center, and I wailed, I felt the sorrow and the disconnection of how I had been to be loved and cherished by a spiritual community and the pain of how it felt to be disconnected from your spiritual roots, in my heart I had a prayer that this time I would embark on a spiritual path that would hold everything that I am and allow me to be everything that I could be, and had room for every part of me, all of me the slut the priest, the father the son the man the woman everything in side of me the dark the light I wanted that path that could hold me, that was what tantra was, that was what tantra meant

I nodded, and they immersed me in the water and I had my second baptism, the first time was inside of a church when I was 6 years old inside of tank, they put you in this paper robe, and they bring you up out of the water and the whole church can see you all wet, with this paper clinging to your body

here I was in the pond, naked being baptized, this is the way to do it

moments in the workshop: looked at one of the teachers and said I’m so glad that I finally met my teacher, what do you mean, you’ve already had a teacher, what are you talking about, because you told me about the person that taught you everything, everything you already need to know about tantra was already taught to me, who was it, he said, your grandmother

my grandmother was a master at finding light in the darkness and master of turning obstacles into means, when I finally did meet my tantra teachers, 28 years after I first met my grandmother they told me the same things that she had, they were just the first to put it into words, my grandmother always had plenty when there was nothing, she had joy even when she lived in hell, she found heaven in hell, I’m sitting right now in the house that she lived and died in

my tantra teachers told me that tantra is the consummation of the inner marriage and while some of us look for a partner outside of ourselves to marry, most of us skip the essential step of finding that partner within ourselves first, I had a lot of time to practice that inner marriage, it’s a never ending relationship just like any marriage

shadow work, all of those pieces of ourselves that we think are ugly that we wouldn’t want others to know

its an instinct, there’s a part in us that isn’t always happy

part of us that feels angry, part of us that feels scared, there’s a part of us that feels enraptured, a part of us that feels enraged, the further we walk on the tantra path we’re prompted to see that there’s a place for all of this, to find the marriage of these opposites, the ultimate journey of what tantra really is all about

one more thing I want to add, I happen to be a gay man, I really love the word faggot, I embrace that word as part of my magic, and I happen to be a faggot who really loves to make love with women who love faggots, have had ecstatically joyful partners who were female, I had to embrace my delight and love of other men, before I could allow myself to be the complete faggot I am in bed with women

had precisely two maybe three ecstatic female lovers, they are female lovers that really love gay men,it’s really helped me to see the perfection that a lot of men who have sex almost exclusively with women, also have the complete right to enjoy sexual freedom with other men without necessarily having to put a label on it

visually when I look at women’s bodies, I can admire them I can appreciate the embodiment of the goddess and yet its way different, it’s not like a look at a woman and go I really want to have that right now, I really only objectify men

what happens with women, I approach it as an opportunity to commune with the divine, pathway that connects us with the divine, it no longer matters how old they are, how fat or thin they are, kinda fem or kinda butch, doesn’t matter what gender they are, if you’ve found source of your erotic expression in yourself and you love erotic expression for the pure excitement and sake of erotic expression it is possible to journey ecstatically and cathartically with a wide diversity of partners, some people ask me, how can you have sex with someone you’re not attracted to

one of my primary lovers is twice my age, I’m in my 40s, one of my lovers is in his 80s, we have some of the most transcendental experiences that I have with any partner, I make love with people not because of the way they look or how old they are, but authentically because I want to commune with the divine, I like to travel I like to transcend time and space, I get a lot of insight and guidance for what I’m gonna do with my life when I’m in that state, that’s why I make love

people say what type of person are you into, what type of person turns you on, I say a person who’s fuckin as excited as fuck to make love with me, that’s the kind that really turns me on, if they’re excited, I’m excited, if I’m excited they’re excited, there’s a resonance, that transcends appearance, age, social class all that bullshit

women, I’m really grateful for women because, making love with women was like, a later stage threshold that I crossed because that was when I really recognized, wow, I can have a transcendental erotic experience, and be a faggot with a person of any gender, I can, it can’t just be anyone, it has to be someone who knows we’re on a journey, and we’re connecting with something bigger than ourselves, if a woman just wants my dick its not gonna work, lots of time I don’t even get hard when I have sex, if I’m in a cathartic whole body state nobodies paying attention to how hard my dick is, that would be a liberating lesson if more men in the world were able to feel that the ability to connect ecstatically with the divine and another human being is completely independent of what they’re cock is doing, that’s radical

some of the most whole body orgasmic states I’ve ever experienced and witnessed were with people who’s cocks weren’t hard, don’t get me wrong I love hard dick AND there are a lot of ways to go into cathartic whole body ecstasy

homophobia…i barely use the word anymore, don’t often feel like I’m battling homophobia, which is a beautiful place to be

our world really does shift with the shift of our inner perception, the transformation of ourselves and planet using sexual pleasure, what I’m really asking of people to invite ourselves to consider that ecstatic sexual pleasure is available to far more of us than we’ve ever dreamed

we feel we need a partner of a certain type, in reality if we join with other partners who recognized that we have the opportunity to fly, to sail through the skies and the seas, experience realities beyond what we see, what meets the eye, we have the opportunity to go into multiple realities, the future on planet earth is that we’re going to see a world more filled with people who are excited about having sex with a variety of partners, less focused on getting hard, ejaculating, and fulfilling a whole checklist of what they think needs to be done to have great sex, and focusing more on oh my god, we have an energy field right now where if we introduce the faintest intention, that is going to manifest, as soon as we say it is done

10 years ago I spoke the impossible, I was in a native american ceremony with 100 queer people and I was asked why I came and I said I want to see the day when our people can fuck and enjoy the fuck out of each other and squirt our seed inside of one another and know we’re actually healing one another not killing one another

full on sexual delight was some how equated with death

I want our people to be able to share our medicine free from fear, healing each other not killing each other, I had no way of conceiving how that would be possible, today there are multiple opportunities for people to enjoy sexual pleasure with people of all genders like never before free from fear, a lot of people are using Prep, they’re taking something that allows them to free themselves from the acute anxiety that has for all too long accompanied them and their sex

not an advocate, or promoter, nor do I discourage people to use things things

the world has transformed, we have sex with each other for healing and health

its what brings us life

what’s coming up, the most exciting thing happening in my tantric path, is the gay tantra podcast

12/31/19 I issued the first episode, it was pretty hard core, it was a hard core sex scene, interspersed with sacred magic, to alert people that raunch, kink, and downright ass fucking is integrated with magic and health and healing, followed with talk with 8 other men, with how tantra relates to sex among men, created an exercise people can do

I’ve contributed to the creation of over 120 evolutionary gay erotic videos, all on my website:

bradamberheart.com

on the home page, I have links to the evolutionary gay erotic videos, gay tantra podcast, soon more links to upcoming events world wide

Jason Tantra and partner, created an app, that allows conscientious gay men who are exploring other realms of sexual magic and healing to meet each other, created at the same time as the gay tantra podcast, master of mind of universe created the gay tantra podcast and tantra4gaymen app at the same time

even if you’re not gay, you just occasionally like to suck dick, listen to the gay tantra podcast

event’s coming up, will be posted on website, announced on gay tantra

series I’m most excited about is a series that teaches people how to use , or harness their sexual pleasure as a tool to connect with higher sources of wisdom and information: transcendental sexuality

receive insight, new knowledge, and information

super excited some of the videos I created are still being edited

it’s a really evolutionary time to live on earth, it’s an evolutionary time for men who are exploring conscious sexuality with other men, unifications happening through colleagues, Jason Tantra, Davey Wavey, collaboration on videos

a network has been created that’s spanning the globe, super excited about gay tantra as a platform

each month an exercise as part of the series, free guided sexercises, more to come