In this episode I am blessed to explore an array of topics that are often marginalized and poorly understood. Leandra talks about how her life as a disabled librarian in a sex negative local culture catalyzed her journey to become an influential erotica writer and blogger. We explore myths and misconceptions, sex positive activism, the growth of independent and diverse voices within the sex positive movement, multi-media marketing strategies, indy fetish porn and much more. She also reads a bit of her writing which is an exquisite gift.
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Leandra Vane is a sexuality writer and speaker. She writes about sexuality and relationships from the perspective of a visibly disabled, polyamorous kinky woman. Her fiction has been published in numerous erotica anthologies and her sexuality memoir is entitled “Trophy Wife: Sexuality. Disability. Femininity.” She is currently working on a second sexuality memoir about her experience as a female fetishist. She is a Certified Public Librarian and holds a Bachelor’s degree in language arts with a psychology minor. She writes a sexuality book review blog entitled The Unlaced Librarian.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin podcast episode number 103 I am talking with the unlaced librarian SX block and erotica writer who has the a Blog at the Unleashed librarian. Blogspot.com and I was just browsing the the block website lots of interesting to see an original topics and wanted to invite her to be on the touch of fun podcast to talk about that space that she’s writing in an in kind of help inform us more about the world of sex plugging in an erotica writing and more so with that would you please to introduce yourself and tell us a bit about how you arrived at this point in your life as a sex blogger Turn Me On yeah my name is Leandra vein and I’ve been writing my blog the unlace librarian since 2013 and the the sex blog and the blogging and the sex writing really was a complete turning point for myself in my sexuality in my life up until that point before I started writing my blog I was very interested in sexuality I was very interested in relationships but because of start of the environment that I lived in and the body that I lived in because I’m a physically disabled person I wasn’t really allowed to have an outlet for sexuality I kept a lot of that secret and so I followed text logs and secret I read lots of sex books and secret I read lots of erotica and secret but as far as my own writing and interacting with the people that I wanted to interact with and doing the things that I wanted to do I had really kept that Under Wraps I’d kept it away from a lot of people because I didn’t feel like they would approve of that and so when I started writing the blog it was basically a breaking point for me I was tentatively trying to put more embodiment and sexuality into my own writing and somebody that I knew found out about it and they were just irate and they told me that they’d lost a lot of respect for me they couldn’t believe I would write this stuff then so I was feeling very upset about that and I was outside on my patio and I just kind of left it this empty chair across the table and I saw all of the pieces of myself that I had put off that I had censored and sitting across from me was like a happy version of myself and I knew that I’d cut off so much of my own identity in my own expression trying to make other people happy that I couldn’t keep doing that and I wanted to be that person that I saw across the table so that afternoon is when I launched my blog because I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and when I started writing my first collection of erotica so I can actually say now thinking about this I think it’s the first time I’ve said this out loud but since that time in 2013 I can really say that I am that person now I’ve been able to connect with so many amazing people I’ve been able to untangle so many things about myself and connect with people and that I really am happy now and I can live a more authentic life that I can be real with the people that I care about that I love and that they aren’t just loving somebody that I’m pretending to be that they’re actually knowing the real me and I’m doing the work that I want to be doing so beautiful it is such a touching story of empowerment transformation through the power of the internet just find your tribe just by posting content and so how did the how does your mark at the block or how do people what was the sort of thumb processive of it growing and becoming I’m significant to other folks you know in secret so I really started doing book reviews because even though a lot of people maybe if you read a textbook you’re not necessarily going to review it or tell us people about it you’re kind of going to keep that secret so this was a really interesting platform for me to talk about sex without being too I guess in people’s faces it was just like here I’m doing this book and if you’re interested in this you should read it so that was a really interesting way to connect with people because I could recommend books and I could take the sex positivity into this sort of vanilla space which was like a library and talk about things like you know censorship and intellectual freedom and information access because a lot of people if they don’t have access to good sex education the library is going to be a place that we need to to put resources in and give people access to that so I kind of started by doing book reviews and doing talks at libraries and colleges and sort of worked my way up into then sharing my own story I talked about being a unisex instability cuz I’m a disabled person and also BDSM open relationship fetishes sexual fantasy so I really like that I kind of started that foundation with books and sharing books and giving people kind of that safe place in between the pages of a book to explore their own sexuality in a way that’s that’s kind of safe and maybe a little bit more quiet then maybe some other people to be comfortable with so that’s really kind of how I started connecting with other people and then writing my own books and letting people read them in a place where they’re comfortable wow that’s exactly it’s really interesting I’ve always felt that if you just had the right map at the library to where the sequence of books to find and put together you could really do the most subversive radical transformative work it’s it’s really all there it’s it’s almost like there’s no excuse to feel like we’re limited because you’re you’re a living example of what a little bit of Ingenuity and creativity can result in so that’s exciting and I applied that and I think I think a lot of people have some form of a library fetish as well so I’m just curious. Have you encountered that as a librarian other people’s librarian fetish what do interesting actually because there’s sort of the pop culture stereotype of the sexy librarian and haven’t worked at a library I can tell you I’ve had to kick people out because they were like making out or trying to have sex in the stacks I don’t know what it is about that energy and I guess the sapiosexuality like this I think there’s also something that’s very forbidden I mean I know everything from kids sneaking comic books behind their parents backs two people reading the the paper box with the bodice in a rivers in the the cleavage in the Fabio hair they feel it’s kind of like naughty or secretive I think there’s just this kind of deviance that comes with with reading what you want to read and there’s a danger in knowledge there’s sort of always been this policing of of knowledge and information and there we you know where we draw the line between what is useful information and what is just perverse or what is just insane when really it’s all philosophy and that’s why people are so scared of it sometime so yeah I think it’s just a great environment for people to push the limits of themselves and I think a lot of people find that really sexy yeah certainly a taboo to be wild and free and making a an erotic Rocket City Library so that reminds me that I don’t know exactly when it was but I think it was kind of a big viral social media event where I think she was a college student and she was a web she was doing webcamming and she I believe she did a webcam broadcast of probably masturbation or playing with a toy or something at I think it was her College library and it was captured on film or something so somehow it was leaked and then she got I think she got kicked out of school but it launched her porn career about that but I can tell you that if you are going to try to do something like that like that the library has security cameras but they do have blind spot so if you have an Insider I can tell you where those blind spots are that would probably find that information out endorsement of any illegal activity but certainly interesting case studies for sure do you want to talk about I’m very curious this will be the first time I’ve had the opportunity to explore sex and disability on the show and I feel like the the entry point that I have felt most I guess engaged with or her passion about is is the argument that there’s places in the world where it’s it’s difficult to criminalize sex work especially when the sex workers are providing services for disabled people who would otherwise have limited well because of cultural stigma and I’m sure all the things that you can Enlighten us much more about you know that I know very little about it’s just the people are marginalized and there’s yeah there’s a lot that so I don’t even know what the word is that you would use for so-called able Able Body people who just ignorant to an end and cognizant of this sector of sexuality so please I vow means whatever extent you’re comfortable sharing I’d love to know what what we can be doing to be allies in in all shapes and forms and abilities really really important to me and was really impactful to me because when I was growing up I could have came from the background of a lot of sex negativity so when I first went into college and I was sort of exploring sexuality and I heard about you know in different countries and end in America people with disabilities or disabled people wanting to hire sex worker I was really pissed off I was like I was saying it was like people were saying like you’re not good enough to have real sex and when I kind of monster untangle all that sex negativity I realize that while that is a really sex negative way to look at things and when I look at how we consume a lot of sexual media we kind of give a hierarchy to certain sexual Outlets so I suppose in theory the the most valuable quote-unquote valuable type of sex is a monogamous sexual relationship so you’re having sex with a lifetime partner but other types of sexuality if you have kinky sex if you have fetish sex if you have sex with multiple partners if you have solo sex if you consume pornography if you consume erotica it’s less than and I have noticed that certain people will be kind of segregated into categories like oh that guy can’t get a date so sure he can watch porn or that person is a fetishist so they don’t want real sex so they can watch porn or that person’s disabled nobody wants to have sex with them so they can watch porn but nobody else can watch for it support his bad so in my view we need to give respect and we need to give value to all sexual Outlets that we have that a lot of people will like stigmatized for example pornography and erotica fetish and also Lake in my open relationship polyamory and stuff like that people kind of say well you know you’re only settling to have an open relationship because you can’t have them and that’s not true at all my monogamous relationship grew into an open relationship so I think that you know we kind of talked about sex and disability I was kind of desegregated thing but if you look at sexuality overall we’re going to see these places where we stigmatized certain groups of people and we stigmatized certain sexual Outlets so if we can start putting value and respect on these different sexual Outlets I think that’s not just going to help disabled people but also lots of people in all walks of life in all spectrum of our sexualities have better relationships and have a more healthier outlook on their sexuality that’s going to help them make better decisions it’s going to help him treat their Partners better it’s going to help them understand their own emotions and their own motivations better and overall I think that’s a really good thing but no it’s all tied together and embodiment and what we think is is the right way to do things and once you start entangling that you realize you can really send those things and that we really have a lot more in common with a lot of people than what we think we do I suppose that’s the first time I’ve been given that sort of tool to look at how sex negativity really functions it is that hierarchy of self-righteous described in and yeah I really think it’s a disability to D6 negative yeah so do you want can you talk about your experiences they have you found other disabled folks that have gravitated towards you or your sort of making new blog posts in and just doing Outreach in that space yeah I think I had a target audience I was saying I’m going to write up a poster I’m going to say this or do that and I can kind of expect who’s going to consume it or who’s going to get back with me on it and nine times out of 10 now it’s the complete opposite person I’m finding that when I talk about one thing I talked about like fetish I’ll have somebody from a different group say I really relate to this so what I find most interesting is so I have made connections with with people with disabilities and things like that where we were late to to these particular thing I’ve also connected with people that are completely different from me for example I actually have lots of able-bodied men straight men and I’m a queer disabled female so it’s it’s interesting for me I guess what I’m finding is that I have no idea who I’m talking to most of the time but people are finding Connections in that and so I think that’s really cool and so do you order some of the other areas of focus that you have for your blog find recently. BDSM BDSM and fetish Expos go hand-in-hand quite a lot and there’s a lot of overlap in polyamory and be at them so they are their own separate things as well what have you learned in the processor how have you since you started out as you know your own sometimes I guess you can feel like a voice in the wilderness I don’t know if that’s how you felt exactly when you started but now how many egg is how many years have you been going in and what are some of the highlights of the things you feel like you’ve learned in the process I feel like I was in the wilderness I live in the midwest so finding Community was really difficult but the internet of course was a really big part in in helping to fill that but one of the things I think that’s most interesting is the impact that I’ve had locally with people that I actually know or who I have met or I have come in contact with I think that it’s great that I’ve connected with people all over the country and I think it’s it’s great I love going to conferences I love talking it at colleges and stuff like that and meeting people but it’s really interesting sue for me how my relationships with people that I’ve known for many years has changed because now they have permission to tell their secrets they have permission to let their guard down and let me see who they really are so a lot of the conversations that I’ve had about sex and embodiment with my own friends and family has just changed completely since I started doing this so for me that was a really big and interesting thing another thing was that you know I really just found out like how I’m not alone I used to think that like I have to be one of the only people that does this or feel this way and a finding that there’s lots of people that that do and I’m finding it a great community in the sex positive in the BDSM community so I’m really grateful for that because we all continue to learn from each other and I just feel like I continue to grow because I met these people so that’s really great cool and you were mentioning that you do erotica fiction and nonfiction writing is that right can you talk a bit about what you probably still far sexuality disability femininity and I’m working on a second edition of that because since I published it I’ve learned a lot of things and so I feel like I need to update it a little bit and I’m also working out the second sex no more specifically about my identity as a female fetishes so that’s been kind of tough because I feel by fetish identity is the one that I’ve come to sort of last I made peace with the fact that I’m in an open relationship but I’m in in the BDSM community and lots of other things but the fact that I have a fetish it was really difficult for me so I working on that fiction wise I’m really interested in writing multi-partner romances so most of my romance is have more than one partner and most of my romances teacher at least one if not more disabled characters so those are two things that are really important to me and that’s something that I want to bring forth in my fiction well that’s very exciting because I feel that there’s got to be more popular media eventually it’ll make its way into the mainstream but I feel like we’re the New Jersey desperate need for alternative relationships tiles to be more accessible for people to discover I would say earlier in life so that they don’t become molded into you know the nuclear family patriarchal Dino King of the house man of the house that that hold system that I don’t know if you know what your politics are exactly you know but I can kind of I’ll speak for myself you know saying that I’m really looking forward to seeing more I mean I guess I also would there were a lot of children’s books that came out to support same-sex parents same-sex adoption of foster parents or adoptive parents said that that was a whole sort of from educational propaganda campaign by the queer movement to make sure that there were resources that would normalize same-sex couple households with children in a raising children so I’m wondering do you have any sense of how if there are other writers who are obviously you know you’re right you know you’re not writing children’s books but just you know what whatever age appropriate content is is out there and wondering if you are aware of resources that will be good to sort of even if it’s a couple you know a married couple that have been together for years like hey here’s this novel I got you for Christmas for your birthday and when you’re going to read it and you’re going to maybe want to go to a swingers party or so sing and you know try something out if ya please educate and inform us if you can yeah well Def Market there’s lots of book being published considering same-sex parenting and same-sex parents and lots of inclusion as far as be gay when you’re young teenager and things like that the office of intellectual Freedom actually publishes list of books that are challenged and I think over half of them for this year have to do with some sort of lgbtq issue so I think that’s very telling but we’re we’re really fortunate here in any knighted states to have a strong Library a public library system and we have places like the office of intellectual Freedom that will help libraries when they come across these things like books being challenged and these kind of social issues so I would really encourage people to look up the office Freedom they have a Blog they published in Wauchula Freedom news so every week you can sign up for newsletter that we’ll talk about books that have been challenged or just different issues and internet access and a lot of that overlaps with with sexuality as far as novels and things that represent different diverse voices with a self-publishing market that’s happened and the independent presses that are popping up there is definitely a lot more inclusion of all sorts of different Dynamic all sorts of different sexualities and by identities the problem with it though is that it’s it’s hard to find author’s it’s really difficult to find each other we’re kind of in this this very I don’t want to stay over saturated but definitely it’s it’s hard to amplify voice is so if you find an artist or a writer that you really like please do everything you can to share them request copies of their books at your library review their books share their books on social media give copies of their books to people that you think will want to read them because that is is going to be so important for any self-published author and I would say that there are more people that are going to be riding this kind of stuff in the self-published OR independently published Market because mainstream market especially for adults aren’t there yet at all so the ways that we’re going to get these books into libraries and into the hands of people as we have to do it ourselves so right on ya you something just came to me as you’re saying that which is I don’t know what you know how this would work business-wise I’m sure it could be figured out but you know I’m actually working on I’ve got like four hundred pages of pretty raw material that I will eventually be putting into a book for him and I’m just looking at all the crowd source and self-publishing and crowdsourcing funding and even crowdsourcing editing and really kind of leveraging a fanbase to help get things pillow you no help to get everything publish music videos books everything like you know all creative content and I just had this Vision as you were talking about an author sort of incentivizing their true fans to become resellers to become affiliate Sivan of their of their book of both online if you don’t have a link where they get a kickback for mentioning it you know in an email blast or put a banner on their website but also just having a box of the books you like my book caretaker box I’ll give you a name for half price and you can keep you know half of the profits and just you know I think I’ve never thought of anyone actually doing that just taking a book that they absolutely love and having a box of them like him up so I’m I don’t know yet it’s just that just came up for me but yeah how do you do you want to talk about your strategy for publishing wait like I’m going to get an agent and I’m going to go to the traditional route and I will edit a piece to death as long as it gets published I don’t care like I had no Integrity about anyting but since I’ve kind of come down out of that ego trip and realized that basically the mainstream market is really not interested in anything I have to say and I’m not saying that as an insult because the story that I had to tell I mean if you put the things that I’m all about multi-partner disabled paranormal stuff that’s a Venn diagram that nobody wants to see the people that want to read what I have soup to write are small But Mighty and I would rather concentrate on meeting people face to face in real breathing time that we have a connection with rather than kind of light putting it out all on the internet and hashtagging everything to death even though I am on Twitter and I do hashtag my fair share of things but you know I have just really kind of developed a very simple strategy I write a book I edit it I take care of it as best as I can and I publish it myself I’m one person living in the midwest putting my stuff out there and I’ve been very fortunate in the few years that I’ve been doing this too and made so many wonderful connections to people that truly care about my work and that I truly care about their work so I’m just going to keep doing that it works for me for now and I’m more than happy with that and I’ve got I think the last time I counted I had 17 titles that I have outlined so I’ll be busy for a while writing and I’m good with that but I really I have no I have no big masterful grand plan I’m just I’m just writing and putting it out there so refreshing to hear actually I listen to the my music on CD Baby and they have a podcast for independent musicians and it’s all you know tactics and strategies and advice and on almost some some therapy for a struggling independent artist in the in one of their believe they have like an annual annual conference Gathering and I think it was one of their workshops or keynote speeches were where one of the guys said you know you need to get over something like you need to get over social media shame that there’s this burden when you see other people rise to the the cream Rises and the few nights like this never-ending to me it’s a nightmare just witnessing this type of verity contest and the the things people have to do to keep up with the Joneses on social media and it can be just a real psychological disorder so to be able to be content and focus more on developing a local real face-to-face audience I mean open mics and come to mind and yeah I’m really really glad to hear that there’s sick it seems like it’s a it’s like homesteading for artists going back to the land was going back to the the open mic and and being content with face-to-face real human relationships that’s I’m not there yet I’m still addicted to the 5th the game I’m not going to say that I’m completely out of the game if I if I were I just be in my basement not telling anybody about it but I tell people about it but yeah it’s a good balance yeah I’m sure we’ll find that balance but I am glad you kind of mentioned that don’t forget about getting out there and actually meeting people and you know being present yeah impacting people so that’s That’s so exciting a trophy wife like I said I’m working on getting a second edition out hopefully this summer sorry I’m looking for everybody take bus some deep breaths and get one hand free make it concise but it might be a couple minutes so please take your time we got plenty of time what do you think about when you think of 1920s America Fox trotting and alcohol roadsters and Beads gangsters and free-spirited Flappers am I construction of American History this is the picture I had painted in my head to reference the Jazz Age social upheaval and mass consumerism new technologies and new ways to do our bodies and our mine a nonstop party roared across tarnation from 1920 through 1929 or so I imagined when I was working as a library clerk one of my task was to answer genealogy request that have been sent to the library binding obituaries and marriage or birth announcements from as early as 1867 and as late as yesterday we’re particularly sticky research project at the library I needed to read through three months of my hometown newspaper from the year 1924 the picture these papers painted of the 1920s was entirely different from the one in my head rather than an eccentric celebration of change and a Zeal for social reform the articles read more like War journalism the Enemy being short haired women at Lazy layabout men at the movies more so than any era I’ve perused the opinions and the Articles were mostly focused on battling social trends one city official decry the state of women being ruined by independent Fox trotting and frivolous dress while young men were ignorant and superficial he complained that upper education universities and colleges we’re not producing great minds but creating a culture of the shallow know-it-all he was not prepared for any real work or trade young women were Thoughtless and unfit to be wives but the young men were not looking to marry good women he ended with a morning of morality and feared the world would never see a day of wholesome living like the way when he was raised it seems my vision of the nation as a laid-back knowledgeable Beacon of light had found a dark spot my hometown nearly 100 years later in 2015 a woman from a small town in Nebraska announced she was doing every homosexual in the world her motive for legal action was to take her case before a judge to have homosexuality is legally defined as a sin the case was dismissed but not before the story made national headlines the story was shared by many on my sex positive social network this incident happened to be right about the month and a half after the religious freedom restoration Act was signed into law in Indiana at the time media and social networks around the country spewed hate and disgust or the entire State fuck Indiana was the primary sentiment as far as I could tell and take Nebraska with you was the theme in the weeks following the story of that crazy bigoted woman from Nebraska now as a neat as easy as it might be on the census to assume that everyone in the 1920s was a flapper and everyone in Nebraska is trying to sue all homosexuals this simply is not true between the radicals and the traditionalist are everyone else and Nebraska is no different I am one of almost two million people who called Nebraska home last time I checked those who consider themselves religious forces those who don’t in my state is split 50-50 yes certain viewpoints are dominant foot the pervasive and unhealthy views of sex and relationships are not limited to religion nor to Nebraska just ask Ashley Madison I am a Nebraskan the Prairie the Midwest the Heartland is my home home is funnel cakes and the county fair home is where the Deep Purple and fuschia Sunset hold you like a song home is where the fireflies flicker on a backdrop of green grass in summer heat home is where you Traverse old overgrown Trails snag with forgotten barbed wire and metals just to find the perfect clearing to watch fireworks in the human July 9th home is where you take my fingers into the sun warmed by the soil of my garden home is where I go to keep clubs and respects books on Sunday home is where I sit with my friends at cafes and we laugh and we cry home is where I learned to speak with my hands and discovered what it felt like to be lied to home has heartbreak and lust lost and frustration home is library cards and raking leaves and summertime cookouts home is a small town with brick streets and wooden bridges home is all the picnic table sidewalks and see windows and bodies that gained our touch it’s surprising how long are fingertips Linger on silverware gasoline pumps High School bleachers park benches passed jobs old habits for State garage basement back seats in back bedroom voting by slipping inside among with cigarette smoke Fresh Life blooms on the topsoil of a former life that people forgot or forgave the Pioneers broke this wild land with the sweat and blood and we’ll of their bodies I wonder when the generations that followed lost touch no not everyone was a flapper in 1924 but there are still some of us in Nebraska if you care to believe it to these I raise my glass here’s the next 100 years well I want to clap but it would probably pick the audio so I’m going to just give you an Eric Clapton wow it’s been a long time since I’ve given literature my undivided attention when I read my stuff so I’m like shaking oh no it’s wonderful yeah thank you so much as beautiful I just wish I could press pause on everything so that I could enjoy books the way I used to it’s so much multitasking and I called hyper testing really so many tabs up and apps running and you know I just I hope I can pretty much only consume text to podcasts and sometimes you know PDFs but yeah praying that I will get it to go on vacation and catch up on all of this while so do you you must have really been I mean you can have you always been like a burp a bookworm as it’s as they say or have you ever been on this craft bite by reading a lot I would assume or oh yeah yeah ever since I was really really small I’ve always loved books but I I really kind of actually tie that directly to my experience with my disability because I spent a lot of my time when I was a very young child and it cast so like I had body cast that I cast them both my legs so I learned to read because of the things people wrote on my cast and so when I was a kid you know I had surgeries and I couldn’t go play outside with the other kids and so I would stay inside and read and that was really how I basically experience allowed to go live life out of the playground so I live the life of these characters and things like that so for a long time I actually related more to people in books and stories than I did to real people but I’m coming out slowly again thank you so much and I feel like maybe another topic we can explore bits we have some more time as you were concerns feelings thoughts opinions that critiques of porn and whatever comes up for you around that term it’s it’s become a deep study of mine and I’m always curious what what people are getting into on that subject oh yeah porn is I I like talking about for a lot too because it was such a big deal for myself once again coming from that background I just Associated photography with a lot of really horrible things and in the end it’s because it showcases a lot of our insecurities it blurs the lines of monogamy it shows us things that were we’re scared about when it comes to expressing or sexual expressing our fantasies in the way it’s kind of like the golden key doors Ikea somebody knows what turns you on that’s a lot of control and so there’s a lot of fear and paranoia and anger and hatred around it and I totally understand that but at the same time it’s everywhere I mean I hand over heart no absolutely no one who is not at one time or another had a conflict but I also think that we have all the technology we have all of this ability to connect to each other and talk about philosophy and talk about things like you know consent and that we we need to have an open dialogue about sexuality and pornography has to be a part of that and I think that there are things that we can do to make ethical foreign there are things that we can do to basically take the the fears and anxieties and the actual problems that people do have with corn and fix them just banding it just telling people did not watch it isn’t going to work so I do like to talk with people about pornography and sexual fantasy overall I feel that prography kind of has the the Cornerstone on the sexual fantasy Market when you say sexual fantasy most people automatically assume pornography so I would like people to be more in touch with their sexual fantasies and be able to sort of be more comfortable with them and I think intern we’re going to be seeing a lot more diverse horn horn that maybe you know showcases things that have not been showcased before and but if I did all needs we all need that we need to start talking about it I mean it needs to be in sex education you know as a fetishist myself it was so weird to not only not be able to have a conversation about pornography but then I’m watching this really weird porn so I feel even worse about that but I mean it it starts it starts really young we see all the sexual images and stuff like that like we it’s going to get into your head and if you don’t allow it to have a healthy Outlet it’s going to start you know turning into something that the dark secret and when something gets put underground that’s when that’s really bad things happened so don’t know if I’m making any sense but yeah this is this is you know the most the nearest and dearest thing to my heart because you know I’ve said this before in the past and not to to be the turd in the Punchbowl but I was used in child pronography and now I’m making conscious feminist porn to show people how to be you know practice sacred sexuality the way that I’ve been trained to Tantra and it’s been my my Saving Grace you know to come full circle into I actually want to go back to the people who abused me if I can find it any of them and actually Enlighten them sexually with what I have discovered through my path of personal sexual spiritual healing and development and now I feel like the the irony or the Paradox is that the the most treacherous slippery slope of pouring and its potential to be this very exploited to very negative actually win I don’t want to say done right or properly because then they can get more realistic but you know there’s a potential for it to just destroy sexual repression I mean the the church is having a really hard time and everything is coming back to bite them in the ass so yeah it makes a lot of sense that we’re we’re now the Genie’s out of the bottle you know so me this is the hardest issue or a conundrum for now it’s the entire Globe the entire Internet connected Globe has got to decide if porn is going to be accessible in whatever format it’s it’s being produced and then they’re going to have to make porn for their parishes if they want to compete with the influence of it they can’t just be in denial about it just like they can’t be in denial about sex and masturbation and everything else so that’s the that the final frontier is when they actually I mean they’ve done everything else they’ve had Christian death metal bands they’ve had Christian skateparks you know they know people who are deeply involved in undercover Christian I’m going to go into the satanic cult and convert them from within okay well it’s going to pour in and show people how Christ how would Jesus do it you know tell us should I get some of that actually exist but positivity you don’t have a you either have to yeah you got to take a side I guess you but you can’t be neutral because you can’t be in denial so what you said with your story you know cuz you know there’s there’s disability fetish it’s out there and support of coming to terms with my own with my own fetish was was accepting that their disability fetishists in the thing is is that you know that often the disability fetish it sort of painted as automatically being the the perpetrators and people disabilities are automatically but if you if you kind of take a step back and say okay like this is the way that it hurts people but we can do it in a way that there aren’t any victims on either side like this is the direction that we need to move it and that’s very difficult it’s tied to our bodies and it’s tied to two things like actual you know victimhood and actual people hurting each other but instead of using that as a sound bite as exploiting people who have been abused just to get your way and Bandit me to actually listen to these people and say okay you know how can we do this in a way that is understanding and consent-based and basically remove shame for a lot more people so that the abuse doesn’t continue to happen well yeah I was saying you know what I’d like to to hear you talk more about what you considered to be a healthy and obviously we’re not trying to be dictators into set one way for everybody on anything but I definitely feel that yeah you would be a good person to talk about have you is is there sort of ethical disability fetish porn is there you know his that something that needs to be developed as an as it needs you know or does it is there a market for it is our a pronoun or porn Studios serving that market or feminist porn people stepping up in that way what would you say what’s the call to action if people are out there and they want to support you through you know whatever means a few different levels to this on one level in the Kink Community you have people who are disabled for example I am disabled and I have no problem playing with my disability as an element in a scene if it’s negotiated and if you know as much as the other person and I think in in the Kink Community when you’re doing that one-on-one and people are kind of producing their own images and their own videos but they’re not getting paid for them they’re just kind of like doing it I see that happening quite a lot as far as like things that people can buy I know there are disabled performers that put light clips for sale or have websites and things like that that cater to it but I also know that there are disabled performers who would prefer not to perform for disability fetish just for say they want to be a poor performer they want to perform erotic Lee but their target market is definitely not a disability fetishes and unfortunately I think there’s not enough performers or companies serving this Market because people still do still pictures of people that have no idea that their pictures are being taken or recording them walking or using a wheelchair when they don’t know about it and some of that could be because they don’t want to watch porn clip they want the thrill of it being the real real experienced a real person so there’s like a lot of psychology in it as well but I also think that automatically shaming people for having a disability fetish only adds fuel to that fire because if they’re like okay if I try to get the poor and ethically or if I try to negotiate a scene with somebody but they’re going to hate me just as much as if I still pictures I might as well just still pictures and it’s not something that I’ve gotten into extensively I know that there are people that probably know more about it than I do but it is something that I’m interested in seeing as I went from being so completely against using my disability in any sort of sexual way to you now being very comfortable with it to the point that I do play with it and kink but I definitely think that but yeah it is a very it’s a very emotional and a very psychological sort of thing we got going on with that because you’re going to have people saying like oh it’s it’s it’s a mental illness to be attracted to somebody with the disability but why is that a mental illness is people with disabilities are people and these are our bodies and we are sexual so yeah it’s it’s a it’s a can of worms but I think that we can make us a GoPro and I think it’s just going to be though taking away a lot of that shame around the disabled body and around fetishes and general please forgive me if I don’t use the you know the the most evolved terminology or I don’t have the right you know I like it it’s there are whether it’s diet or political politics or there’s there’s people out there who will Who will beat you over the head with their protest sign and I will just stay for from the beginning that I consider myself pretty ignorant at this is not this is not an issue that has been close enough to home for me to have to be really educated in and lighting around however so I guess I’m not asking for a hall pass on you know you can you can hit me over the head with this protest sign if if if I need it but yeah with that prophesy I feel like there is a there is a let’s maybe call it a an archetypal Mythos around the the person would say the blind or deaf person or the physically disabled person in a wheelchair and and the ability to pay for the so I guess I’m just speaking archetypally in this news of Mystique around how I’ve observed in popular culture let’s say in whatever storytelling that I have consumed in my life that there is a Mystique around how a person who is the underdog who isn’t probably going to win the beauty contest or the you know be the prom king or queen or whatever it is the person who doesn’t develop a or doesn’t develop this this hunger to play the game of egotistical narcissistic you know being the the Rockstar whatever and that they actually develop character and skills in our more Soulful and more compassionate and that the virtuous person who can feel that love has a context to compare that level of authentic love to those shallow fake people who are out there trying to achieve shallow ends and to be respected and honored and put on a pedestal for the wrong reasons. Is that a myth that should be busted or how do you feel about that and has an erotic writer is that where did where would you take that that sort of what you call it that Motif because it’s definitely out there you know there’s a fine line with any sort of with any sort of when you’re ready and disabled character because yeah I like it if you’re just doing it to feel good like oh it’s like the oh who is Charles Dickens character Little Tim or Tiny Toon you’re he’s like the second coming of Christ because he has a limp you know and I think that’s very self-serving toward a sort of the I guess ignorant standpoint on disability but I’m not going to say that when I write disabled characters even when I look you know upon my own life if I got everything that I wanted I wouldn’t be here I would still be trying to keep everything hidden I’d still be trying to keep up my massage one of the reasons that I am a sex blogger at the sex writer and I can’t do all this shit that I want to and I’m happy is because Society won’t let me when let me pretend to be an able-bodied person every time I was like no I’m an able-bodied person on a sexual being and I find them to like you’re so disabled and you don’t fit in go away so fine I was like fuck it all like I’ll just hang out over here and you know you do cultivate inside empathy and you do learn from that but at the same time there’s plenty of people and I’m sure you know you probably know somebody might not be disability but they go through hell and back and they don’t learn anything there still striving toward that egotistical thing or they’re still just like trying to stuff themselves up with with fake things and their experience in life is is kind of wasted and it’s the same with this disability so I think when when you’re writing any character you know it if it’s not a fully-realized character at the crap character with her disabled or not so if this if the person disability is the reason that they’re their culture dating this inside and empathy in this sort of unwavering will do to get things done and things like that you better have a damn good reason that they’re doing that that’s not just a disability I mean it’s who they are as a person and all of the other things that has built up in their life that are impacting the way that they do things because people reacting so many different ways I know people who are very bitter and angry and pissed off and not in a way that’s that’s that’s against healthy cuz I think that being bitter and pissed off and angry can be healthy in certain ways if it’s getting you to do something if it’s if it’s lighting your fire is it you know motivating you but if it’s just turning into something that’s wicked something that’s cruel something that’s that’s low and just a black hole of nothing then that’s not good either so yeah it’s a fine line but you know disabled people their experiences are any different from anybody else in their experiences when when it comes to these things none of us are normal we all have things that were super embarrassed about we all have things that we would rather not bring out to the light and it really comes down to who you are and a lot of different factors to whether you’re going to stand up to that or not beautiful yeah that help thank you for helping him get the dress stereotypes and bring more just Consciousness and awareness and I’m scared of cereal that we’ve got to have this conversation and we’re about to at the hour or so I’m wondering if you have if you want to plug your website again and if you have any closing words you want to share and just that what what what would you like people to to do to connect with you until 2 to follow up in and stay in touch I sure you can check out my blog the unlaced librarian. Blogspot.com I do have a YouTube channel I tweet at Landry underscore vein I’m on Instagram and Lace Librarians that’s all that fun stuff I’m really excited I have several titles I’m hoping to release this year so please stay tuned I’m writing disabled characters and polyamorous pairings as well as my non-fiction with my fetish stuff that I like to talk about so much and yeah if if you let you know I’m I’m out here in the middle of nowhere so please just say hi on social media or leave a comment I would love to hear from you awesome alright well thank you so much it really was a pleasure and I will definitely be in touch all right take care of a good night to go to www.crunch.com can cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Archer Punk. Com Thomas Day