Lorrae Bradbury

Solving Slutty Girl Problems with Lorrae Bradbury TPP102


In this episode I’m joined by the illustrious sex blogger Lorrae Bradbury of Slutty Girl Problems. She shares her story of finding empowerment and support for her lifestyle of sexploration using social media platforms, a strategy that eventually led to her building successful sex blogging enterprise. We discuss many dimensions of cultural evolution around sexuality, love and relationships. She offers a vast array of practical tools and life hacks that help sexually adventurous folks break free from shame, ignorance, jealousy, boredom, and more.

Please check out her website at:

About Lorrae:

Lorrae Bradbury is the founder of Slutty Girl Problems, a website and brand empowering women to embrace their sexuality, without shame. She’s a also a writer, pug-cuddler, wanderlust-er, and festival hopper. Follow her adventures on Twitter and Instagram: @Lorraejo.

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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello Darrell Evans welcome to Tantra Punk podcast episode number 102 I’m here on Skype with Laura Bradbury the founder of sluttygirlproblems, which is an amazing sex blog and then I got to say I thought I knew a lot about sex and sexuality and all those the interplay in the modern world and I looked at her website and I seriously feel like I’ve been living under a rock so check it out and see what you’re missing and I hope we’re going to get a lot of new insight and fresh perspectives all from Luray now if you want to tell us about your background and how you became a sexuality thought leader after having me and I’ve always had an interest in sexuality as growing up I’ve always been curious about it and both professionally and personally wanted to learn how people thought about sexuality and thought I was in college I studied psychology and women’s studies and really wanted to focus on how young women are socialized to think about our sexuality we’re bombarded with so many different messages on about sexuality being shameful but it’s something we shouldn’t be talking about that we have to hide that we can’t tell our partner as what we desire and that if we are having sex I am working to be shamed and called a slut and judged for it so kind of growing up with all these messages about sexuality and having this steep interest to explore my own sexuality was really a conflicting for me because you want to be a good girl and you want to you know I’ll follow the rules but you have this yearning an urge to do something that’s so what are off the beaten path and Against the Grain and I started to come to this realization that it shouldn’t be it shouldn’t be against the grain it is really going with the grain because it’s our natural urge hits you know how everybody is want to connect with other people and it’s a big piece of emotional fulfillment whether it’s inside a relationship outside of a relationship I just be able to express that part of yourself so I started my website as initially a Twitter account when I was in college and I was just kind of anonymously talking about all the funny weird facts the awkward things that happen when you’re having sex when you’re having sex with strangers and commenting specifically shameful messages and trying to kind of eliminate them and tell women like it’s okay to be having these experiences I’m having them my friends are having them and hear the place where we can all talk about it and not feel so alone I’m starting to slowly chip away at that flexion and culture and connect with women all over the world who wanted to explore their sexuality to and we’re feeling like maybe they didn’t have an outlet to talk about it so when that started to grow I felt like I was just on to something and that women really do need a space to connect and learn more and feel empowered and their sexuality so I turned the Twitter account into my current website and started to create content that you’re able to really dive more into sexuality more than you can in the hundred forty characters that Twitter gives you that and it’s really a testament to how in this information age with all this technology anyone really with the passion can step up and become a thought leader and certainly you were addressing the most near and dear issue to most people’s hearts that there’s been such Silence about so again thank you so much for stepping up in that way and do you want to talk kind of give us the car audio tour if you will have your website and what people can be discovering there we really tried to cover the vast array of different sexualities so we have Sunny call and we have really end up guys and sex texts and we have pieces that are more political talking about women’s issues in women’s right but we try to cover everything from you know Kingston said tell you just how to do you know kind of basic sex techniques and sex position and then we even do like movie commentary pop culture commentary and we have until like different products and that might help to enhance your sex life and we even have like Community forum for people can ask her own questions and get and reader responses so if you need advice you can play right into our advice column or you can just ask Bella members on-site what they would do in your situation and so we really transgo uncover everything that young man and a young man come to our site to it’s not an old The Old Man and old woman come to our state to so it’s it’s not necessarily gender or age difference to buy anyone can come and learn more about sexuality and kind of diamonds anything but they want to explore awesome you act like I said I am I feel like dizzy from looking at it and there’s so much you’re so many resources there it’s I think one of the richest website experiences I’ve had in a long time and it’s well-designed so it’s really want your titles that goes wow these are these are the the sexploits of the usually hear men bragging about but from a proud and empowered female perspective it’s really exciting because yeah most people I guess they’re still trapped in shame or just fantasy really so to see this stuff all come to life in a place where it’s very well nested together there’s a lot of clickbait that’s really yeah healthy and and Valley will actually am one of my favorite projects that I’ve worked on was for another magazine and I interviewed women about their back sexual stories and Abby’s one-on-one interviews and women sharing kind of these intimate moments where some of them are like funny or a little risque like having sex in the back of a car or I’m having sex in the baseball Dugout or you know having sex with their professor and it was really cool to have women coming forward with these really exciting fun stories that show that it doesn’t have to be dressed in a relationship with your monogamous partner that it can be you know in the dungeon of a sex club and all of it is fine and all of it is great and all that is solid and and that is definitely what we aim to show so glad that is coming across to evolved Consciousness in a similar way as to what you’re doing I like to use the analogy that we have a you know a dietary appetite that’s pretty you know it’s pretty fast and we don’t want to eat the same we wouldn’t want to eat the same thing for every meal we wouldn’t want to eat at the same restaurant every time we eat out and we wouldn’t want to starve ourselves either so this honoring of the lower half of our bodies as needing nourishment that’s very spontaneous diverse Adventures fulfilling and healthy that this is really important so you really giving some avenues for people to explore do you want to talk more about some of your favorite content there you’re some some highlights in addition to what you just provided Som one of the things that were really focusing on moving forward and tet 2017 is talking about a lot of Rights issues that kind of relate around sexuality it’s not just women bright spot and things like birth control and equal pay but I’m talking about LGBT rights rights of sex workers and people in the media rights for people to be able to access like a portion and contraception and positive education so I’m we definitely been really concerned with some of the changes that are happening in policy and want to keep getting a retard not only information about that but Avenues where they can get involved and where they can sell to make a change and right there as senators and work on a state level to access the rights that they are entitled to a lot of that work which I am really excited about in the upcoming year as a way for us to get more involved in our communities and aside from that really just relates to our mission of wanting to provide information and get women and then the help and resources that they need to have healthy sex lives and if our own country and our own government isn’t able to provide that kind of sex education you know we’re not getting a grade sex education from our schools and we’re not getting it from porn so there needs to be somewhere in between can learn about it and realize that it’s not what’s in the movies and it’s not you know just hidden under sheets in the dark and light on that as well awesome I totally agree with you and all of those things and it seems like would you would you describe yourself as how would you describe your personal sexuality if you had to choose you know any of the words that are out there non-monogamous or open or are or single or whatever it might be I’m just curious cameras relationship monogamy has never really felt like quite the right fit for me and polyamory and exploring that has definitely felt like the the better fish so I’m really excited to you at explorer that now who knows if it’ll be a good fit in 5 or 10 years but try not to think that far ahead and I’ve always been very interested in exploring different Dynamics and you know power exchanges and a different Kinks and you know always been really open to try what I’m interested in or what my partner’s interested in and sometimes I end up not liking any of it and like all right I tried it once and I don’t want to but I think that’s a really exciting piece of your sexuality is that you can try it or not try it and learn some more about what turns you on what turns you off and then incorporate that into your relationship I think we’re really kind of scared sometimes to go outside the box and try something new whether it’s a new toy or like the more I think even people are concerned kind of dive into tantric sex for fear of being maybe two connected to their bodies or their partners and it’s so exciting it’s like our body is this playground that we have the keys to and we got to do whatever we want with it and give everything to try and I feel like why it why not why not oh and if I don’t like that ride I don’t have to ride it again awesome yeah that is very refreshing perspective and it’s it’s a I feel like I’ve been studying this new shift in generations and I feel like the gender binaries are dissolving and the relationship and classical marriage constraints or are just dissolving almost organically without a big fight like it didn’t take having to go to a bloody civil war with the Bible Belt states to get people in the urban cone still have rights although a lot of people have fought and died and been incarcerated and then shamed and lost their jobs and had their children taken away and all kinds of battles have been fought for sexual freedom and rights across the spectrum of you know queer queerness and all them all women’s rights for it to their bodies and so we’re sort of standing on the backs of giants you know we we look at like our parents generations and see so many unhappy marriages and someone else’s relationship and we don’t want that for ourselves so and it’s great to be able to create your own structure and hopefully that the world will kind of start to evolve as well and Port all different types of configurations for a little more so you’re you’re living the dream life a lot of people there are projecting themselves out of their primary partnership relationship to have fantasies that maybe we’ll never be for sale because their religion says it can’t be or their family on one or both sides has that it would be so shameful and so devastating and and it’s it’s really this bubble of fear around losing your property or giving up having some something be threatened and there’s just this whole fear of jealousy and the fear of the collapse of family structure because of Scandal but can you talk about how people are are designing their own paradigms and living in their own playground and figuring out how do you know make finances and family and in the domestic sphere actually function with with more diverse sexual relationships happening is that you know a family I don’t have a house and berries location independent so I’m I’m really at you know I work for myself though I’m very privileged in that way and don’t have to think about you know if I work for a conservative company and you know it had children that could you know cause like problems in a divorce what would it mean to come out as poly or bisexual and I think that those are all incredibly valid fears and concerns I especially like professionally if it’s going to impact your career I don’t think it should be that way I don’t think it should be an impact in your career at all but unfortunately right now so that would be going through that would be to come out where you can and come out where it’s safe to come out and find your community like within your larger Community there’s always resources online where you can find like meetup.com most major cities have a polyamory Meetup Group reaching the other people like you and it doesn’t have to be like in your workspace or in your immediate family are with your immediate friends if you’re concerned with destroy a relationship you can kind of explore that in the safety of these communities people that are already interested and are going to be that kind of safe haven for you so I think it’s a wonderful life especially if you’re not sure if this is something for you to meet other people learn about their experiences and get that one-on-one advice without having to make an announcement in your personal life before you really decided if that’s what you want that is great advice you will be cool to see people I mean sometimes that your people joke about okay maybe we can have a threesome honey on your birthday you know and then it’s like okay that’s that’s that’s reasonable to think of the box I know there’s also this Festival I believe it’s in Southern India where it’s kind of like a weekend of anything goes among his consenting adults sexuality and and you just see people go there like it says this this is beautiful and then people and families go to support their family members getting their freak on upside down and backwards however they want for that time and then it sort of I don’t want to say get it out of their system but it allows for that expression to be contained and held by the culture in a non-destructive and you know it’s not in the shadow it’s it’s celebrated but people also have to go back to their mundane reality for the most part 4 like that all the time even though I love having multiple partners that explore my sexuality I still have to work like everybody else so yeah and I think that that is really an incredible text Florida and somebody has an inkling or a desire to express that it’s definitely worth exploring and not you know we’re pressing because I feel like that’s something that kind of hurt you over time like maybe for a little bit you can you know keep going and not think about it but kind of knobs that your minds like I wish I had tried that I’m starting to be able to you know try all these things if you are in a monogamous commitment the further and further you get into a monogamous. I think it’s worth exploring it as soon as you have a desire to redo a little research find out how you can dive in and take those baby stop towards getting it realized awesome so you studied you did women study so I’m hearing in sensing that you have a strong feminist foundation and I’m curious if you could talk about how that that training informed your work and sexuality and what to what are maybe some of the The Cutting Edge philosophies and critiques that are coming out of the women’s movement so yeah I’m in ISM has always been a big part of my life since I discovered that I was 7 is before I knew what I was telling us was studying it academically and professionally at was a big help to my own journey of just understanding why women are in the space that they are and why men are in the space that they are and how it’s affecting all of us so negatively men as well and that those some tools that we can use to make up make that better I think one of the biggest pool that we have is just our voices which is been a big part of flooding problems for me is using that voice to get a sex-positive feminist a message out there so it really does influence my work in every way and wanting to help women and specifically wanting to help him in avoid the shame and stigma that I have felt around exploring my sexuality and and to come to a more enlightened understanding place about it and I just sent a huge huge part of my journey and my medicine and my personal passion so you know despite what men’s rights blogs and conservative media want you to believe feminism is having a huge movement right now it is a huge 3rd and young women are joining a fight that’s been going on for so long and I think transforming it to be more inclusive with intersectional feminism for so long women’s issues have kind of focused on you know upper middle-class white women and their issues you know for instance when there was a big push for women to be able to work underprivileged women have had to work the whole time that the fight wasn’t about that it was about privilege women and I think we’re starting to look more at an intersectional feminism and how feminism can help everyone not just the elite and getting more perspectives into their taking marginalized voices and focusing the conversation around them in their struggle and finding solutions that work for everyone not just a few I think that’s the new frontier of feminism right on yes something that I feel is a new dimension as people become more accepting of sluttygirlproblems or they figure out I had to transcend them and overcome them it really comes back to classical feminist concept of Sisterhood being powerful and in really actually creating the Sacred Space in the safe space for the what the witches were burned for was having knowledge and power and wisdom and spiritual power autonomy and they were able to throughout many cultures not just be oh you’re not you know you’re here you’re a widow or your husband beat you so much that you ran away and then you’re forced into total degradation and total other ization within the culture and Annette would tend to be the place where actual reweaving of women’s empowerment would would happen because in the absence of that oppression and tyranny of the Patriarchs they would actually we know figure out how to to work together to carve out a survival and and actually thrive in I’m wondering if you’re seeing more of a potential for women who are kind of dropping out or or or running away or Breaking Free from patriarchal marriage systems and you know patriarchal Dynamics with the boss with their bosses you don’t actually finding that with more permission to have more diverse sexual experiences in gratification is basically the potential for women to United have solidarity and to please each other sexually so there’s less seduction into you know being in service to men who were abusing them does that answer without being a technology that we have now and all the resources available at our disposal has given us so much more knowledge than we once did I mean before all you had to go by was your family and your friends and your partner and now if you’re going through a bad situation or just have a desire that you want to explore you can identify it you can go online and you can come find a community of other people so friends and people that were like gay or bisexual and might not even know that other people feel this way and I just want to there’s something wrong with that now have the internet and communities where they can go and find so many other people and obviously now we know that so many people have all different sexualities and I think it gives us a great way to connect an explorer that and definitely and the feminist movement I think there’s a patriarchal culture tried to create competition among women rather than a community of women and feminism is making big strides to be more inclusive and eliminate competition and Foster you know where all voices are heard and all perspectives are valid and more space for discussion and understanding that’s awesome you I could do you want to talk about maybe some examples of some positive case studies or just observations of how women are starting to transcend that that competitive mindset as I know it’s really so it can be so toxic and damaging and can be even more Insidious in certain ways than just telling me that the men are pretty easy to just get them to to kind of be setting to satisfy them they’ll pass out the leave you alone but if if women are fighting with each other it can be a real nightmare you know it when when women are using their powerful wits to cut each other down and to attack each other so yeah I need hopeful inspiring Transcendence stuff around that would be great to hear were socialized to slap shame other women even when were women ourselves and I think it’s something that you know our writers talk about that and you know we baby walking on the street and see a woman who is expressing herself through her dress and her actions and you have this little piece in the back of your mind that’s like what a slut and you shouldn’t be thinking that but like you have to kind of be aware and catch yourself and you know I’m guilty of it as well on Sand Evolution process for me personally to be mindful of my own thoughts and be mindful of how I’m treating other women and thinking about other women and I think personally I’ve come a long way and once you start being mindful of your own thought you can work to address them but if you don’t even know that you’re thinking that are you think that your thoughts are valid and you have nowhere to start so I think it’s an individual Journey for each person and that the more knowledge and awareness you have around that and the more you can work to address that so now you know when I see a woman expressing her sexuality if I have a friend that’s like she’s such a slow whatever girl she is so empowered she is enjoying herself she is having the night of her life she can remember this night forever like she’s having a blast like we do not need to touch her at all like she could have just went through a breakup she could have never had a relationship in her life and just wants to live it up when it is not our place to judge or I make a comment on that so I think if you are the kind of person that goes through being a little silently judgemental be aware of that and wonder why why do I have these thoughts are they productive is it coming from a place of insecurity is it coming from a place of fear or not understanding and it’s hard work to do on yourself but I’ve work to do it on myself and retrain those negative messages and it just helps me look at the world in a better way where I can support other women and their choices and not feel like I have to cut them down to make myself feel like I’m you know somehow Superior so I don’t know if that’s like a pig case study but I think everybody individually is kind of their own their own case study of introspection and trying to change their own you know perspective and value system and how they interact with the world beautiful yeah absolutely and that’s where quintessential spiritual practice self-knowledge and hacking your own will hacking the thought stream that is really not made up of your essence in a lot of cases it’s really programs that have been placed there by the dominant cultures Machinery in on that note that it’s it it’s a daily battle because as you’re fully aware he can be two steps forward and five steps back because you look at a billboard that makes you you no question your skin are your body or whatever it’s just an ongoing daily battle really so I noticed that you were pretty deep into studying the just pop culture from celebrities to start analyzing music and movies so do you want to talk about are there any what should we be hopeful for what should we be worried about in in the pop mainstream kind of culture in trying for so long there’s a lot of independent documentaries that are getting more attention on Netflix and Mike on TV and on the internet at there’s just a lot more. Getting out there about adult work adult workers rights and that industry which is really exciting on because obviously likes a lot of sex work is still illegal and you know the majority of it if not illegal is highly frowned upon when I think sex work is you know something that you know if I’m going to be critical. We have to examine it but certainly not just wash it all as bad so I think that polyamory sex work are kind of starting to come into the spotlight a little bit more and got more media attention more thoughtful documentaries and really excited to see that moving forward and change and kind of public perspective of alternative sexualities and I think especially with the younger generation helping them understand different configuration more so I definitely think the media is moving away from more traditional representations and becoming more diverse in the type of content that we consume that’s good to hear cuz I’ve been like I said I feel like I’m living under a rock and part of it is that I’ve been I’ve been I’ve been in Retreat mode from the mainstream pop culture it really feels like it’s you know that from violence and videogames to just the derogatory use of women and in a lot of the the more mainstream pouring and all that it’s it’s a celebrity kind of never-ending pageantry and popularity contest of just more shallow and less spiritual Pursuits it’s it’s been a big turn-off for me but that but I I I have seen also this positive trade in the morning dependent me the other cure saying it’s it’s feeding back into the the mainstream and they’re going to see the if sex cells then why not expand our concept of what it is because it’s so much more of a bigger Marketplace when you serve the underserved Market places within sexuality so I’m curious if you have you this is I think this will be the the most Paradigm shattering phenomenon if there were more pop music Divas who are writing about writing songs about the lifestyles that you’re describing have you have you discovered anything like that that I should be aware of it we should know about does a fairly have though I think we do have some great model already like Beyonce Rihanna I think are incredible models of kind of empowered sexuality and music I hopefully will see a lot more of it definitely I think the music industry it’s a lot harder to be an independent voice than this is I like wheat we have outlets for you know like journalism and for documentaries that are independent to kind of get out there but you know it’s a long way to go I think before it’s and mainstream movies and entertainment but to be honest I’m a bit and Retreat to from it I really turn into very mainstream I try to keep my media consumption two more empowering sources and interesting that you mentioned mainstream foreign as well because there’s a big movement now towards feminist porn and it’s not necessarily what it sounds like I think a lot of people when they hear feminist Forum think that it’s going to be like a romance novel but and I’m that the mission of feminist Warren is to have a show like active consent in the moment so a lot of hornets they just kind of like get to it and nobody talks about it and everything is on the table and it sets up the false expectation that when you have sex it’s like anything goes just do whatever and everything is going to be pleasurable in the woman is going to love it and you don’t even have to ask but I’m coming this morning showing like hey does it feel good like can I keep going like can I put it in your application of lube or like somebody being like that doesn’t feel quite right let’s change positions and I mean it doesn’t it’s not that I’m sexy and I’m still into like the normal sexuality like it’s still hot and when we do it in our own lives it’s still hot and in fact talking about it and what’s not makes it even better and those on this point it’s kind of restructuring that. Framework of how we view sex to make it a little bit more realistic and have a more realistic expectation of what to expect in socks without losing that hot sexy I can get a thing that so many people love about traditional mainstream porn estate in sentiment I’m in the world of transforming that Paradigm and came up for me which is a kind of classic feminist term about entitlement and it’s it’s a what porn is take porn is like entitlement on steroids if you think about what a man is trained to believe about that that narrative that that that unspoken Narrative of the mainstream porn kind of experience which is that a woman is just thrilled to be to be splayed out and to be used as like a rag doll for the Mills pleasure and just the idea of having that much attention from a dude is enough for her to just shut up and take it and that’s the thrill and that’s the right but really the reality is nobody even if you want to be humiliated they’re still negotiation and has to happen for that to be safe so earlier conversation and it’s no fun if a conversation is one-sided I guess you have this is this some kind of feel like this is a shopping spree or something I’m there so much background in so I guess something that that’s coming up that feels like it would be useful to two addresses just the inner dialogue around when you are in moments of intimacy with more than one person and you have there’s different Dynamics within that do you have some tips and strategies for helping both internally helping or figuring out how to kind of navigate in and not silence the voices of of jealousy or insecurity but actually you know massage them dance with them let them be Express somehow you know and and also to to Foster those skill sets in other people who are just beginning to integrate into that because that’s really another Frontiers how to get I think most people do fantasize about some form of group sex but the barrier to entry is their own what’s going on internally so wondering if you have good advice for all that are like for their birthday I actually a while I love the idea and spirit actually thinking practice and it doesn’t always work because you need to really talk about what you want out of it and what you don’t want out of it while you’re come you’re not and setting those boundaries of all of the partners in advance to make sure that it’s a happy experience for for everyone so for instance and like let’s say you had a male female female threesome I think that a lot of people try to you might want it to be all about the guy and just both girls kind of worshipping the guy or maybe it’s more about the two girls connecting with each other and I’m having exploring. Connection while the guy is kind of just more of an additional partner that’s there to support the setting up what you want that Dynamic to look like in advance and also let’s say you have a monogamous male female couple that wants to have a threesome with another female determine what do you feel comfortable with both Partners doing I think a lot of people think if you’re jumping into a group sex or three sons a couple swapping that everything just have to be on the table and end it doesn’t you can say you know that this is our first threesome and I’m okay with you no touching and making out and fingering and eating our hands a pleasure each other but you know let’s save penetration an oral sex until later when we’re more comfortable and just kind of have this amazing experience where you’re just rolling around with another person exploring your bodies and touching and enjoying each other and other ways and move up to those steps that feel a little bit more jealousy and juicing and a little bit more difficult because it is definitely hard to see your partner have sex with somebody else at first but it’s not something that you just want to dive into without talking about it and and I think it’s great to take those baby stats and especially when it comes to gel communication is just so important and reminding yourself and your partner how important you are to each other and that exploring somebody new doesn’t mean that there was something missing or wrong with you and that’s a big part of polyamory for me is I know who I am as a person my personality is actually and I’m very bold and open and express myself and my partners are never going to have someone with me that’s kind of like shy and passive and you know a little bit more demure and that kind of koi sexy I’m like your face kind of sexy tell myself like you know I want them to have that experience I want them to enjoy other other people other connections other types of interactions that I know that I can’t provide and it doesn’t mean that what I provided is invalid or wrong or not enough it’s I can’t be everything at once and in a way having that polyamorous connection is kind of a relief because I don’t have to worry about are they unhappy with me and my personality because they can’t get everything because they think they can go out and get everything with multiple people and it kind of takes the pressure off for you to be at your partner’s everything thank you so much for saying that yeah the the rewards outweigh the risks when done right for sure and it’s yeah it’s such a beautiful time to be exploring all this cuz like you said there’s three welders sluttygirlproblems. Com where you can get some Advanced Training and let you know something that came up while you’re speaking is just the idea that if you wanted to be doing Advanced martial arts techniques you would need to go through a system where you’re going to be initiated into higher levels and you can an easy example is karate going from a white belt to a black belt and what you’re talking about these you know getting to that point where there is more intense exit penetration in in in sharing it a more intimate and deeper level it would make sense to burn your way up to those Advanced stages by having gone through some pretty metered out process and something else that comes up is it to ask you about do you see that people are building the skill sets that they’re less dependent on getting shit-faced drunk to have liquid courage and beer goggles to have any fun and definitely I mean alcohol is a biggest way to kind of let go of inhibitions and quiet that voice that’s telling us that what we’re doing isn’t okay and you know it really tells us you know everything’s okay do whatever you want to rely on alcohol and definitely sucks is a lot more enjoyable when you can remember it after 2 support developing good boundaries not dissolving them with alcohol and then that’s another important Point why would you spend why would you go on vacation if you weren’t going to have any souvenirs if remembering it at all so it’s just wonderful so you know I’m deep in the the Tantra world where sometimes it goes to the extreme and people are I guess you could say well there’s a form of spiritual slut-shaming on in the world warriors were people are supposed to be exploring and opening up and incorporating the sexual energy into your spiritual practices there can be at another form of another layer of shaming people around being too sexy or to Abundant or whatever and end that’s a whole nother conversation book but 2 to bring it into a question for you I’m just curious what you were observing as far as peoples spiritual practice around sexuality with or without any words or Traditions attached to it but just for example I would say that whatever tradition you come from spiritually or whether you’re in a religious practice or and you have your own speaker practice that the common denominator that works well from my perspective and I’m curious to see if you would agree is that if you have a let’s say a relationship loving relationship with nature or the true gardening or hiking or meditating out and in nature and you have some connection to what you feel is the Divine loving energy of the cosmos however you name it then you were less dependent and needy and you’re less of a vampire to get the energy from one relationship partner who you think owes you the world and you’ll kill yourself if they betray You by having fun with anybody else like that’s kind of the curse that were in and so I’m wondering if you were yeah what are you what are you seeing is positive spiritual you know so I think that’s really important and that’s so interesting that you feel like an energy vampire because I feel like a lot of people do treat their partners that way that we expect our partners to be everything and everyone and you know there are Confidant there the person we hang out with their the person we go to on your side and it’s great to have all those things but it’s also really important to maintain your interest your hobbies your friendships your connections with other practices that you have whether it’s Hobbies Are Spiritual practices or simply connecting with yourself and I definitely feel like you not that were we aren’t all like whole all the time with ourselves like not happy with myself and you know it looking for that extra support but in general I think we need to be aware of it and ourselves for getting our needs Matt not expecting everybody else to get the mess for us which I think is also a big part of you know Polly for me is expressing myself and not expecting people to read my mind for what I want because it’s just not possible when you have multiple partners to expect him to read your mind giving with one partner that’s such an unrealistic expectation I think spiritually to if you’re in a spiritual practice I believe that you know your sexuality is just as much a part of you and ingrained in you as your personality and your spirituality so it’s definitely all connected and I’m bringing that Dynamic and being able to match them and is so powerful it’s not something I’m very good at all I want to learn more about and experience because I think it’s incredibly enlightening piece of sexuality for so many people to be able to channel and something greater than ourselves and that moment so let’s books more fucking yeah I let the let the new scriptures be written from the peaks of ecstasy in the bedroom what is God look like while you’re having an orgasm I feel like I know what that looks like but I want to hear what other people feel like I said I’ll have you know you say oh God oh God when you’re coming and all that but there’s a lot of brain research that says that you’re the same spiritual molecules are being released during Peak spiritual experiences by train meditators in caves who are celibate Masters in Same Love Making chemical so do a do you have what it what are some of your most ecstatic experiences if you care to share so actually I think I’ve only started to explore that very recently I think I previously in a big part of bloody girl problems for me was kind of this like anonymous Saks like one night stand hookup culture like drunken college thing and you know I’m moving past that in my life now and exploring new Dynamic so having this kind of connected experience of socks where it’s like it’s mind-body relationship connection is very very new for me and honestly has been and I’m a little bit scary to dive into because you’re so used to having this like purely physical experience and then you start to match that with like you’re at your loving tender emotions and it’s going to be more present in the moment and try to use the focus so much on just the physical sensation of sex which I think is definitely important but reminding myself like oh there’s a partner that is like doing this with me right now and like looking at them and reminding myself that like all I really like this person and like they like they’re having pleasure too and I’m trying to kind of get that connection more out of it so I think I think I have a lot of learning to do from from you and your podcast and I Tantra teachers to connect with that more it’s still a part of myself that needs a lot of work but I will add there’s plenty of there’s plenty of time for guy problems on my podcast so she could and it’s a lot of the same stuff just helping helping people and be present and be conscious and NB open to expanded Consciousness and really to bring your bring the issues in your personal life and relationships into the lovemaking ritual to literally incinerate them and sort of pressure cook them so that you can experience just pure Divine Bliss and once you start to attain that nectar of sexual spiritual enlightenment and you just want to go and write you start to think in love poetry in the people that you were criticizing you know in the end in the line at the the coffee shop becomes instead of criticizing people for what they’re wearing you you actually want to compliment them about it because you’re so full with joy that you can’t hold it in and I think that just you know whether or not you have a a guru who teaches you to repeat mantras thousands of times or you just sort of reverse engineer your own Bliss a lot of people are are are finding this it’s not necessary to to have really strict and rigorous expensive training but actually to Jimmy it is kind of what what do you have to get trained to do and most time trick Traditions is is actually shed the baggage of the culture which is like piling on all of these distractions and all of this sort of plaque in your mind that blocks out your the connection to Bliss that you had intrinsically before it was sort of beating out of you by the culture so you know ya all roads lead to the Ecstasy when you let him so cool will thank you again so much for your time I feel really just engorged with hope and in my heart is is just yeah it’s expanding to get to know that you’re really providing these great resources for people and then do you want to say some final words and closing and and also again plug the website and also your social media if you know all that good stuff and I’m so inspired to learn more about Tantra and you know it develop my journey I think we’re all on a journey so the more resources out there the better I so interested people are interested in checking out the resources on my site and he can find us at sluttygirlproblems. Com we’re also all over social media are Twitter and Instagram is bloody GRL Probz schroth on Tumblr and and within 2017 possibly launching a podcast or YouTube channel we’re still kind of working on that exploring how to do that so we can keep up-to-date on our website and I sign up for email list to get our weekly update and we share all of our best posts there so that we would love to have you I said all right well thank you so much have a wonderful day and we’ll be in touch take care. Country Park. Com can cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to see me and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess time for supper by Tycho logical employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email band at Tantra Punk. Com Thomas Day