In this episode I’m joined by sex blogger and podcaster August McLaughlin. She’s doing ground breaking work to advance knowledge of and access to longer lasting, more satisfying, and more divine states of female arousal. We discuss the spirituality and politics of female pleasure and how to progress beyond the standard narratives and curricula of the church and state.
Please visit her website at:
August McLaughlin is a health and sexuality writer and host and creator of Girl Boner®. Her work appears in Cosmopolitan, DAME Magazine, the Huffington Post, LIVESTRONG.com and more. Kirkus Reviews called her first novel, In Her Shadow, “an engaging story with an inventive structure and an intriguing focus on body-image issues.” Each week on Girl Boner® Radio, she interviews relationship experts, celebrity entertainers and more, exploring women’s lives and sexuality “like no one else.” Known for melding personal passion, artistry and activism, August uses her skills as a public speaker and journalist to inspire women to embrace their bodies and selves, making way for fuller, more authentic lives.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear beloved welcome to Township Punk podcast episode number 101 I’m doing interview with August McLaughlin who is a blogger and podcaster at girl boner and I am very excited to explore a lot of empowerment tools and tips and information educational resources for women’s arousal and that seems to be your Forte and I discovered your work through searching just in the wider sex positive sexuality education world and you came up as one of the top hundred sex bloggers in the world and so I thought we could do an expiration of your work and help to enrich my audience and hopefully connect them with some of your great work so I’ll gets thank you so much for being here and if you would just kind of tell us the story of how you discovered your gifts in this fate in the space in this field it’s really always exciting in to see to hear about people’s pets to a sexual empowerment and Beyond so by all means to share with your audience my path has been like many people is very diverse it wasn’t one that I set out you know to seeking to become somebody in the sex industry but growing up I was a very very curious kid and I grew up in Minnesota and had a really lovely upbringing a but like many people didn’t learn much about sex or sexual send me the messages that I learned we’re very negative and I wondered about women’s pleasure from the time we had sex that is cool I still remember the slideshow with actually might in my first episode you hear me tell the story of sitting in class and the teacher is talking about sex and it ruined all nervous and giggling and she showing flies and she talked about men’s arousal a little bit and there was like a medical drawing of an erection and mentioned something about it being potentially positive or pleasurable and so something you know kind of lit a fire in my mind cuz I oh my gosh there must be something really positive for women to it for girls and this is as great as I sat there waiting and waiting and waiting and then cramps and a bunch of other things that I wasn’t too enthused about so then when I learned what Boehner meant you know probably during recess Monday I immediately wondered what about girl boners so grub owner was a joke phrase for me for a very long time and kind of the inside joke and a curiosity and you know I learned about women’s pleasure by experiencing it like many people not by being taught anything about it and then passwords after after I graduated high school I end up taking a modeling contract and lived in New York and then went to Europe and during that time long-held body image issues that I’d had grew and exacerbated and became a very serious eating disorder to the point that I very nearly lost my life to it when I was living in Paris and when I was in treatment back in Minnesota I was bored cuz I had this like traveling lifestyle and now I have a pet therapy and I’m living in like the middle of the country doing nothing so I thought I’ll take just College course on psychology of women sexuality is called I believe and for the professor saying we’re going to talk in front of the class and again one of those light bulbs I’ve never had sex but I never talked about it and all these questions in these and kind of puzzle pieces started to come out and see us together and it changed my life forever and it was a turning point in my recovery I was able to realize how much shame I had a realize I had around my my sexuality that it affected me in so many ways and so the road from there on as I took a few no time to heal as it does from those illnesses and I got back into modeling and back into acting for film and TV which led me to eventually Los Angeles and that led me into writing and I’ve always had a sense of purpose and wanting to do you know something creative work for me has to have meaning Beyond just entertainment and I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with just entertainment I love it I love movie The Love books I love stories but I just had this kind of desire to to do something I don’t know to maybe contribute to the world in some way and girl boner have just been on my mind for the longest time and the more that I wrote I was writing for different Health Publications I realize that I needed to use that platform to talk about women’s sexuality in particular and it’s become more broad than that but that was kind of the beginning and then my blog series started with girl boner and about a year and are so it had started to become a lot more popular than my blog had been and it lets you appearances and other people podcast and radio shows and after one of them the producer called me and said hey have you thought about having your own show and I thought why hadn’t I so now I’m probably doing the show for 3 years now I think and I love it I do it every week well that’s awesome so glad to hear that you’ve lost him in that way and more yeah closer to home for me they were members of my family who who have been to that cycle of eating disorder and Body Image issues in coming out and surviving and yeah it’s been a deep study to see how you know these sexual empowerment practices can really help overcome a lot of that so could you talk about more about how maybe you’re just going to zoom into how this Awakening in internally and intellectually did it have a spiritual Dimension or were there other even religious factors or there’s just so many things going on you know in that Japanese think Tim is very complex and there’s so many layers and it’s so nuanced and certainly you know when you go into treatment for something a lot of times you have this desire unless it’s obvious already like why why did this happen and I don’t think that there is just one answer but the is sexual Awakening and me that the realizing that I hadn’t cultivated sexual empowerment and that I’d actually been quite repressed was a big Epiphany but bigger than that was then following that into kind of society and all the different missed that we here and his messages are so negative and confusing about her sexuality and I started to realize that the things that I was dealing with we’re not unique and not really special you know that we all that so many of us deal with this in different kinds of ways and certainly there a very big spiritual peace to that I don’t think that we can separate our sexuality for my spirituality it’s are connected us with our self and with others and with the universe and and I really believe that our sexuality is in every cell of our body is in the air we breathe it’s ended the words we speak and when we do not let that flourish and when we do have shame we are somehow stifled and I don’t think we can live these fully authentic lies and that’s really my biggest mission is is for people to embrace themselves and their sexuality fully and all parts of themselves and I think that that is as we’re real Awakening kind of begins and it’s a journey you know it’s not something that we make the decision so it may be awareness is big but I think that the journey itself is huge and it’s something that we have to commit to you in and keep learning about so yeah it’s it’s been incredible I think I think that all of us have so many different you know again layers to our sexuality and also our personal development and that’s what life is all about is this discovery and then ideally you know taking what we learn and and contributing it helping make the world a better place whether that’s in our own you know personalized door or in work or in our creativity it’s a really powerful force absolutely yeah so do um I’m curious if you’ve noticed a shift or any transformation in Trends around the school curriculum and just the all of the internet developments of the last decade you know really transforming and accelerating alternate access to Alternative sexuality education that younger people are finding in the really able to have a more empowered sort of intellectual initiation at least through their own Explorations online and then how that is like if you’re if you’re witnessing in your your work the sort of these shifts and Transformations that that hopefully will feedback to a more holistic sexuality education you know proper a great question it’s interesting because you know I was in sex ed in like the late 90s early 2000 and even though it’s been almost two decades still so much of what people learn has not changed and that’s partly because the manuals and the guidelines that are you you know Across the Nation really prize still abstinence and STDs and pregnancy avoidance don’t get these diseases don’t have sex if you have to have it unfortunately you know here are some ways to potentially stay safe don’t sit on toilet seats that still haunts me I think you know but there has been progress to have spoken to a lot of Educators who said they would love to talk a lot more in a public or private school setting about sexuality and start from the ground up cuz that’s what needs to happen we need to have sex ed from early on where sexual beings from birth and we shouldn’t have our first conversation be not only during puberty only but it shouldn’t be one conversation it shouldn’t be that talk I should have be one class and age-appropriate of course I think people get confused and I think that teach sex ed to little kids means you’re going to teach them how to have sex and that’s not what it is it’s an awareness and understanding and respecting your body but certainly the internet and we have two more alternative information is is a wonderful thing is also challenges around it but I think that you know people who are really conscientious about this kind of thing are creating wonderful content and are making you know those questions that we have like if I were a little kid and I could have just Googled about boners I would have you know that I would have figured things out and I think I think there is a real benefit there but it shouldn’t be the only place that that we learn and then I also think that one of the complexities we have now is and there’s been no numerous expert and there’s this great New York Times article that it that porn has become kind of the mainstream sex education for kids and most kids have seen porn like by the time they’re 11 you know so it’s it’s complicated because on one hand you know it’s graded have the access and on the other porn sex is not the same thing as intimate sex with a bit of partner it’s made for a camera it’s it’s made for entertainment depending on what they’re watching some of it is violence you know so it’s if we need education around that we need to teach kids what the difference is between pornography and and intimacy we need to teach them about stuff self pleasure and and solo play masturbation and what their body parts are I mean there’s over two hundred common terms for women’s genitalia from vajayjay you know I’ll be different the tingly bits down there all these different right and we don’t do that with other body parts right like we don’t say it would be great if it really does is underlying message if you tell somebody don’t talk about your private parts ever you know it’s a lot of kids here you’re you’re suggesting Shane & Shane is not innate unfortunately right so this is such an interesting generation because there’s if it seems like there’s enough of a critical mass of people who are waking up and who are would say benevolent kind-hearted pure-hearted Angelic even if you if you want to call it that but I mean people who want to actually just advance and evolve the the discourse around I think really life is human life is sexuality education that’s kind of what we’re here to figure out you know my family time and so of course there’s got to be well it is just a beautiful time to critical mass is there and I don’t think the let’s save the the forces of repression and denial I don’t think they can succeed at keeping the the lid on sexuality the way that they were before the internet even before the printing press you know erotica there’s a whole history and her story the feminist her story of you know of empowerment so the thing that I’m curious in your your work if you encountered the you know the backlash from the I don’t want to name them by I don’t want to indict any religions by name or any you know heads or relations by name but I think we all in in the sex positive movement kind of know what what force is we’re up against and and if it’s it’s just so interesting to me to have this discussion about you know now that there is the sort of the spiritual sexual Battlefield is exposed in real time on the internet you know the force is trying to keep it a sinful and negative and in the dark and the forces that are coming out as the byproduct that repression that are like you were saying not you know the unrealistic pouring into the harm. You know an abusive acts that that can be seen in porn so is there any kind of you or you grappling with this you trying to find solutions that that can please everybody no pun intended please everyone but I do think that yes there is this movement the sex positive movement is is hugely important critical and I see so much good out there and you’re right religion is one of the biggest contributors to to sexual shame and you know it is religion a bad name to because they’re certainly denominations and many people within all denominations of all religions who are sex positive and it’s sad because again our spirituality and sexuality are intertwined so it would be great to see more progress movement there but I do I do see it and I I think it’s you know that the lions are there like where there’s I think especially now in our political climb you know we have a secretary of education who wants to do away with sex ed and I think that we are seeing the positive backlash hugely I think we’re seeing a lot more people speaking up it’s becoming much more it necessary where it’s always been important I feel like now it’s even more essential and I’m hoping that a lot of good comes out of it read what did you hear the story about the the Surgeon General who was fired for promoting masturbation as a prevention to that soweth so you’re saying that they actually want it now get rid of sex sex education because it’s bad or because they want to replace it with something better now I’m really curious being a before she was officially in the position but I just read her her take and as that what I recall reading was that you know she’s basically anti sex education that it should be I believe that it supposed to be in the home was the impression that I got but you know that’s not really but really wasn’t anti-sex at texting which we know if we Belleza we educate and empower sexualy the more sexual problems we have the more STDs and more unwanted pregnancies and so many other problems so yeah it’s it’s crazy so it really does more than ever we have to end it ends up putting it into our own hands I’ve had no pun intended because he knows I think masturbation does need to be taught like that that should not even be a it’s crazy to me that that’s not even mention it’s the most natural and common form of sexuality and it’s the form that most people engage in first and so it’s it’s really interesting I think you know I think we have to start in our own lives of individuals and it takes a lot of self-awareness and and picking apart what we learned and how we what we believe in what we are taught and what we actually believe about what we were taught cuz again I think shame is off and hiding sometimes it’s very obvious but sometimes we don’t even really realize that it’s there because it’s so commonplace and I would like to think that we are making progress for sure but we still have like the sweat-proof mentality for example and the Beast by shaming and it’s it’s really sad and at the same time we see all this progress right that you know gay marriage and more transgender awareness and the things that we definitely need but there’s two which is why I conversations like this in your shell is so important because the more we do this you just never know who you’re going to read she might be reaching somebody who has no access to any information you know it’s it’s really powerful I think the audio you know audiences webtv articles are so much out there and so many ways to get the information out and access it which is huge all right well again yeah just said joy to be alive this is the Dark Ages or are becoming far more illuminated with the yeah all of our good works out there and I appreciate you being willing to get into some of the edginess of the politics around this and I’m curious if you know I feel like maybe what a few things could could start to be more like a second to the Revolutionary and the sort of marginalized otherwise might sexual my Violent Femmes just don’t like the term sexual minorities because I believe it actually is the majority being honest with itself the majority would if they were honest would be somewhere on the spectrum of not binary and not you know even mono normative yeah but the way it’s been a war it’s been a real battle for I like the term queerdos which I consider myself one of you know to to fight for civil rights in for recognition and for all kinds of no basic safety and an egg knowledge meant on so many levels and it’s been an adversarial battle for so long and I I feel like I’m wanting to brainstorm a bit around ways to proactively go back into the the system or the religions The Establishment and find those who are already sort of you know working from within the Insiders in the military the Insiders of you know people in the church who are who are out and nms feel like that this masturbation piece having sex before marriage that’s a big you know that’s a big battle but the masturbation it’s kind of like each one of these these debates I guess you know maybe they will become very prominent political debates masturbation education is you know in the platform of a party that would be countries but I have this this funny question for you now that I’ve kind of laid that out of it is at if you were to be drafting a masterbation public education campaign that may or may not actually be adopted by the federal standards for school curriculum but it’s just sort of a you know within the legality of billboards and bumper stickers and mailers and what not a public education sort of campaign how would you sell it cuz I have a couple ideas but I love to hear what you have what you would are working on possibly in that department is actually but not everybody should you know I think we need South recognized serve people who are asexual I’m just have no interest in and you know it well there are also asexual people who masturbate so there’s a lot of missing missing information are but that’s a tough question I do think that it would be amazing to Simply encourage for one thing for you know people involve us kids did to take a mirror and and look what the down there and learn the different parts and and you know tutorial would be great and end there so many beautiful ways to do it and even just giving permission I think permission to the freedom you noted to experience pleasure and to encourage it is huge and I think one way politically that you know it should be helpful is knowing that it’s a very safe form of sex and it’s amazing to me that people who are against birth control are also against masturbation so it’s it’s really confusing but I’d love to hear what you have to say it sounds like you’ve put some thought and I feel like I need to keep thinking well yeah this is so exciting exciting conversation for sure you speaking to your mission and purpose of educating women about their pleasure and their pleasure potential really which is so underestimated so many people so now it’s getting its full glory and sometimes thanks to pouring really here and there but as people desire to reverse-engineer the pleasure that they’re seeing him at least in queer porn and certainly lesbian porn and porn feminist Forum you know how do you get to that level of ecstasy do to the body and so it’s you I just did now I just want to buy land and knowledge that that that there is hope here the idea that if the canonize rhetoric of the church around this the whole sexual Narrative of what it means to be in holy matrimony and in service to God by reproducing through the sex act of course in the dark missionary position only for male pleasure and probably not going to last more than 30 seconds to a few minutes with untrained participants right is that is the standard narrative that we’ve all been well exposed to in some level at some level is not drilled down by it imagine if it was understood that the most holy thing on earth is really the female multi-orgasmic experience if that is the biggest dilation of the valve to heaven where we can hear the angels singing and jumping and you know see that it’s just like the most Divine experience possible and just start there as our The Stairway to Heaven eunos is the orgasms that women have so if that was an overnight it if that was the position of becoming a having a discipline path of strict this & do’s and don’ts so that she could experience that then you would be an obligation for specifically males to train themselves by masturbating to be able to control their ejaculation and sustain themselves and have sexual continence is as acute as a keyword so that they could help induce that experience in their beloved one and only sexual partner for the rest of your life in a close relationship in service to God to reproduce more God worshippers or whatever else is going to stay in the program but I just don’t see why they demonized masturbation and don’t value I mean do you have any sense of what obviously it’s a patriarchal religion and they’re wanting to they’re wanting to deny female empowerment on every level but do you encounter any any of that I guess that the religious Dogma around it from you know any of these perspectives or if you been able to get you two people you’re right about the patriarchal aspect of it I think it’s about control and so the more pleasure a woman has you know you’re not controlling her anymore as kind of visits to take the date they seem to be taught and I think they don’t you know people who practice many of these religions aren’t realizing all of this again there’s layers so they just are taught a certain thing and one thing we know about sexuality is that it’s very selfish feeling what we believe is very helpful feeling so if if a woman believes that she can have multiple orgasms she’s far far far more likely to experience them that if she believed she cannot orgasm at all and so I I think it’s really yeah it’s really interesting I don’t know that Hello Kitty has broken through per se but I I have had a lot of really interesting conversations and I think it’s important to have those talks to people who do things differently and you know one time I was sitting on a plane next to a woman whose daughter had come out as gay and she was really struggling as a very religious person and it was so beautiful as we were able to have a real Soul connection kind of talk I think partly because I was a stranger right it came up because she was asking what I do when I shared about girl boner little bit and so it was for me having a religious background me I was born in a religious family and my grandfather was a pastor at a church where there was a lot of repressive behavior and teachings that’s been a benefit for me now because I do understand where a lot of it comes from it and I understand where it comes from with good intentions and I think it’s important to respect people’s Journeys and go you know they’re trying to do what they believe is right but there are ways to to you know be religious and embrace all of this and you’re so right about the divine nature of all that pleasure me it’s so powerful and I think that’s where a lot of here comes from you know it’s it’s really strange yeah it’s it’s very strange it’s very backward and improver some you know I will not to be I guess the thing is to sort out and kind of help figure out the commonality and see where we all want we all want to be D possessed of demonic influences and forces I think that’s agreed agreed upon. And whether it’s modern diagnosis of disorders and you know all the things in the DSM manual however you frame it you know they would have just call it demonic possession or being Bewitched to have an eating disorder you know but if pleasure cures that than we should make the math and say that we need to develop Technic technology to see to cure diseases and isn’t that what Christ did of all things you know also the pressure on on especially women at but all genders face pressured it to look a certain way and a lot of ass about control too so we can turn it all around and I think it also helps you know what to tell people like you can have your morals and your beliefs and you don’t because I think sometimes we talk about sexual empowerment people assume that what that mean positive means is try to have as much sex as possible and that to me is not the goal I do think that if we if women were more empowered sexually from a physical standpoint of gendered button and men were were taught to delve into their emotions and embrace intimacy and didn’t weren’t taught that that is not manly you know then everyone would benefit so much and women as a whole would want more sex they would have more desire they didn’t enjoy the physical parts more men would have been emotional parts more you know so it’s but I also think that it’s important to know that in my opinion sexual positivity and embracement is all about identifying and exploring and learning what that means for you and what authentic sexuality is and so that maybe that you’re a guy who doesn’t desire sex very much and that’s okay like you. You don’t have to want sex everyday to be a man and it may be that as a woman you want to masturbate everyday or you want to have River Partners consistently you don’t like whatever that means so you know I don’t know that answer your question but I do think it’s it’s it’s really fascinating and I think you know it can get really complex and we try to think of like all these big issues and what I often find is the most powerful is Hugo okay well where am I at and where do I want to be and an even think it’s okay that I have shame because I think we can beat ourselves up for that too cuz they’re so mixed messages out there but just say you know what can I do to just know myself more I think there’s power in that right yeah you can be shamed by certain groups by not being liberated enough fast enough to ya will ya appreciate that definitely honoring everyone where they’re at across the Spectrum and yeah we we’ve covered some good religious stuff and some education stuff so I’m curious I always like to ask if you you know given your knowledge and experience you pretty well-versed in where there be key leverage points to make the greatest shifts and and really suffering by empowering people with tools and techniques in new ways of thinking and even old ways of thinking that my predate some of the issues that we’ve been stuck in here but if you had let’s say not necessarily a position of in office as political Authority but let’s just say the power and influence of a rockstar or you know more as somebody who’s at the top of the the culture making factory you know in and it sounds like you’ve had plenty of experience in those in that Machinery of culture you know maybe we could talk about just some of what you dreamed of what your dreams would be if you were to really be just infinite influence in infant infinite resources to not necessarily rule the world or like I said be the most powerful dictator of course but someone who people would wear that respect and looked up to an end and I’m just being empowered leader you kind of have out-of-the-box Big Dreams that that we could just sort of hopefully subscribe to energetically you know you know I think the biggest help for me would be to to help people really see their own worth and I live very very authentically and I I know I stay authenticity quite often if I said it 10 times as interview and it has become a little bit of a catchphrase but to me that has been lost quite a lot and I think in some ways again we we have moved forward but our sexuality needs to be normalized we need to feel okay about it I can’t tell you how many messages I got from namely women every single message since I started girl boner has almost had the exact same question at the heart which is is my OK like is this a wrong thing about me how do I fix this thing like what is this problem I am and I really think that even though I’m on the the past my Gateway is sexuality because sexual empowerment I think it’s still a very lacking thing in there so much misinformation and misunderstanding and gross to do but at the heart of it it’s that it’s being okay with ourselves like I’d love to see a time where we didn’t need anybody to teach you about sexual empowerment like it should just be this normal thing like we are all just Who We R I I heard a Michael Pollan that the food and nutrition writer is say before that he wishes there was no need for nutritionist. Because I totally already saying like it’s become this this this pressurized you know machine where there’s all these numbers and we have to do it perfectly and we have to be a certain way and this is bad for you and good for you it and we can lose ourselves in that mix and so I’d love to help people just really embraced their uniqueness it and who they are so that they can live a full life is where we you know begin to to not only have a wonderful life that we can enjoy certainly not without challenges but it would be with the challenges we want you know like the challenges that are worth it because we’re able to be ourselves and so that’s it that’s the biggest thing I would love for people to to not have to stress so much about being perfect and being sexual in the right kind of way. It’s just to say this is me and and now what cuz one thing I learned from my own journey is when you go through something like an eating disorder or depression or addiction you really learn how much energy it takes to to be destructive toward yourself and when you are able to move past it or through it or for some people that’s continual recovery you have so much energy and brainpower and time to do so much with it’s so precious to me now because wait again no pun intended was listed and now I don’t have to be so stressed out over it if you can if you could spend that much time being self-destructive and having negative self-talk it’s incredible you’re born again in NFL not creepy house you’re talking because I feel like if you even with you know where ever any of us out there as blockers and podcasters and Educators there is a lot of power and leverage just in being able to ask for help from fans and from listeners and to kind of crowd Source content and crowdsource just answer you know could be topics for sure it could be really anything but now I’m feeling like did these messages you have about being your authentic self you know that that could be some powerful pop chorus hook you know where you’re the these gems of that you know the essence of your insights could be made into poetry and then made into tracks in and it would be something to say have a contest you know a listener contest you note to hear his money like if you wrote a poem or you wrote some lyrics or you said take the girl boner lexicon of resources that you’ve been creating and Give Them Wings into the culture give them the ability to know that just came up for me right now thinking about that we thinking on that thank you well thank you cuz now it’s like we both creative space for the unimaginable to be called called for thinned yeah I just I definitely want to see these these insights I mean it I feel like there’s so many songs about both sick with a free sample them one of my one of my tonsils sort of mentors said I’m just she’s very into just open kind of free-flowing you know designer relationship kind of sexuality and Ness think it’s not for everybody but but she was just pointing out that she could not the radio anymore I guess Spotify or whatever it is whatever it is that you’re scrolling through for your musical entertainment and it’s going to be I’m either in love with somebody and I’m going to kill myself if they leave me or I’m attempting suicide because they just left me or something very extreme I mean I kind of I added those that paraphrases words but I think the words that she was worried it was the hardest the heartache that sells and there’s this sort of cursing of everyone into these boxes of relationship all funneling into these political economic units of the nuclear family and marriage were still in that and that Paradigm and I’m not going to say it’s bad but I will say that it’s it’s bad if it imposes that on people who were interested in other things but if you don’t even know that exists how are you going to have re-imagined so if you have these very radical things that you’re developing and they were made into a an anthology of empowering Tunes you could really I’m sort of a closet musician so that’s yeah that’s so interesting wow yeah I just think there is such Power Inn in the Arts in general to I think it’s one of the most magical ways to reach people in it there’s so much influence and honesty there when people accept it more I think when it’s how is dead as art were much more likely like we will look at you know nude paintings and stuff like that it’s it’s interesting cuz I have a a book close all that Publishers are beginning to consider again and my agent has been sending it around and it’s non-fiction but it’s about sexuality and she sent it to one of the biggest erotica Publishers and they thought it was too risque which was so surprising to me and that I realized it’s when when sexuality is real it’s scarier two people right now like they’re still a little there still some of that going on where people are weak we can accept it in fiction and we can accept it in and you know these other kind of mediums but when it’s when it’s actual real in your face it out fact it is harder and I I do think that there’s something to as you said there’s been erotica forever and I think it’s some of those those Avenues are some of the most powerful Jimmy bring it into you know music is is so powerful if you as your as you’re helping women achieve these more advanced states of arousal and fulfillment are they are they leaving their boyfriends in the dust and are they starting to I mean if I feel like the the way that the the spell that you know guys are sort of keeping over women it really only works I mean it’s just that I don’t know I’m sick of 1950s having sex in the bluff in the back of a car I’m just sort of imagining what where what that that sort of archetype around sex sex is a 3-minute act. And a woman should only ever expect to get that much out of a man and maybe he’ll sweet-talk you and give you a little bit of foreplay and convince you that he loves you or maybe he won’t or maybe he won’t even ask your permission and it will be raped and but it’s really like this tiny box of what sex is he even is and then you know what I mean so many women as you know never orgasm mini I think more the majority of women only orgasm with toys by themselves or with other women who know what they’re doing and give a fuck about orgasm for females in so I know a lot of guys are behind the curve scratching your head going you know why why can’t when they’re getting lonely and it women are having a more empowered language around this and more empowered experience in just this huge Awakening since let’s say that was all there was allowed to be thought of you in the shaming and masturbation maybe you would never know even in private alone her potential but I’m curious if you’re seeing the the sort of Exodus of women out of toxic relationships with from men who don’t care to become masters of their own bodies and their beloveds bodies in an interesting way when I was beginning my road to sexual empowerment was taking a college course that was the beginning of the end with the partner had at the time and terrifying anybody who’s listening to listen to myself going to break up but I do think that the first of all here with a toxic partner than if I would be able to honored if I couldn’t read it to you being away from a toxic person but but there is a challenge that’s very real when one person is is growing in themselves and end on this journey to authenticity and empowerment in understanding their sexuality and if their partner is not and is not because especially as you just mentioned it maybe does that maybe you’re with a guy who is quite happy with the way things are because his pleasure was erased he’s getting what he want you know and so yeah that that can be at that can create a really difficult spot but I think what’s important is to recognize how powerful it is to be with a woman who is on that journey and speak in that Journey with her is like the most beautiful thing like my chills have chills right now thinking about it it’s so and and to be a partner to that person first of all We Will Cherish use toll you know you will benefit so much like I had one comment from a guy on my block who was morning my other readers saying she’s ruining men for she’s ruining women for men and I just got mad that I was teaching encouraging women to be more independent and not to be that 1950s archetype and and I just it’s sad to me because that that person maybe he will meet somebody who doesn’t want to change and that’s who she is and you know great for them if they’re happy with it but but it’s very sad to me that that he will never know and guys like that will never know what it is like to to grow in that way with somebody it is sacred it is beautiful and the pleasure you know because the pleasure from one partner is can’t help it radiates and an effect the other person and there’s like this Cosmic thing so I I just would encourage anybody who is feeling stock yeah it’s really hard especially if you’re with somebody who you really care about and you love them and but you’re growing in different directions I mean not that happens and but it doesn’t have to be the end of it can be a huge growth opportunity to get to work together and to Define that place and I think having conversations is hugely important than talking about the stuff especially the stuff that’s that’s really difficult call Ed vulnerable because the more vulnerable that we allow ourselves to be the better and I think there is ways to prevent it and say hey I’m discovering things about myself and it’s scary and it’s vulnerable and it’s crazy but it’s amazing and I want you to be part of it you want to join this with me you know that they’re really loving ways to go about it and and the loving person even if they’re not hopefully I’m bored and I feel super uncomfortable they’re going to want what’s best for you so and that’s always the case and it just may be that this is the thing that shows you their true colors 2008 so it’s yeah it’s interesting I should take a poll have I have I made you break up with your partner and I really don’t know well it’s it’s it’s a new conversation template red you could do a blog post about the tips for the ultimatum when you say you either going to learn to be at Choice with your ejaculation which is a nice way to say grow up and be a man and I mean I’m a man and I’ve had to go through this process but I made it to the other side There’s Hope and glory and exactly what you’re saying you know when you live when you’re a man who lives to witness the Ecstasy of a woman and to actually experience the the sort of positive feedback loop of multi orgasm then you really it’s a game-changer and it’s it’s you don’t have to think about dirty socks and your grandma to hold back to ejaculation if you know how to breathe and that’s a whole nother that’s kind of weird you know a lot of me and my fellow male educators are we’re trying to create more dutiful lovers for women in your camp for accelerating and evolving in but that’s an important thing the whole lot of women I interviewed they talked about so what did your journey begin well I was in a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling and I discovered that I’m capable of La Porte I said by but it was also a process where they kind of had to choose do you want to support me and do you want to admit that you don’t know everything and that you might need to learn a few new things and we can enjoy it certainly the most enjoyable thing practicing sex I mean come on exactly exactly so yeah do you deep so do you have you what kind of responses have you had I guess from women who are on this path of empowerment dr. Megan Fleming clinical psychologist and therapist in New York City and a broad range and the only for women but predominantly and you know there’s a big range certainly there’s that theme of their shame and they’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with them and usually well always answer is there’s nothing wrong with you and then helping them to see you know that that they are fine and wonderful and beautiful and and give them send some guidance but I hear a whole lot of different responses I have heard from women who are struggling to you know get their partner or two to be more on on the same page with them and I’ve also you know heard from a lot of of women who say thank you because I thought I was the only one because the way I started with girl boners I just I just opened up my life and started talking about my own experiences because I realized that once I started people started to respond they they weren’t likely to start the conversation themselves especially publicly but when I shared about me they all my gosh and example one of the topics that still very popular is having a higher sex drive than your partner and so many women right to me and say I thought I was the only one I thought my partner just didn’t really you know I thought I was I was not attractive or whatever where I thought it was some anomaly and or one of my most popular series actually that I’m going to be jumping into again next month is on dating a sociopath because I was in a relationship with one and and thank you I learned a lot and I am super grateful now it because of what is giving me but I think I partly started the series because of a friend of mine was going through something similar and I realize that you know she wasn’t a place where she could tell her story but I can tell mine and and so I still here almost every week I would say and I did this year is over a year ago from somebody to share the story and so yeah the questions are all over the place but there’s definitely a sensitive you know there’s a huge desire for pleasure a lot of the questions are about getting more pleasure how do I know whether it’s with a partner or you know from a partner and and I see a real desire for that and I think that’s huge I think that’s a huge change that I’ve seen and even in the last you know five six years since I start a girl boner is that there is much more embracement of women’s pleasure and there’s there’s still a lot of you know confusing messages out there but I think that they’re really hungry for that and also I have to say I have a lot of guys who listen and they’re wonderful and they are conscientious and they care about women and they care about women’s pleasure and I got multiple questions about you know they’re concerned that they’re not pleasuring their partner enough and I just really appreciate I think it takes all of us and to have these conversations and again there are a lot of damaging method affect guys too so it’s the conversations are huge I would say that the the most common thing I hear is they want more pleasure they they’re struggling with something that usually has to do with accepting themselves or they want their partner to be happier and I hear that from all all across the gender spectrum is people really care about each other and that list me up every time ye that selfless thing and you know as you’re saying this I’m remembering that if I was a teenager or in my early twenties and I found your podcast I will be glued to it and it would be the same would be like I don’t know why I’m having these old I’m having these old like a pop culture references yeah but it’s like the idea of Imagine imagine Boys in it in their Treehouse Clubhouse with like a tin can wire to try to hear what the girls were saying so that they could actually have a clue and it’s like this there should be and I think that’s just something to activate an issue this this kind of I don’t know I feel like the masculine sort of socialization since really violent video games and pouring of come about that there’s really like a hardening of the heart and just sort of a even more callous kind of like pimp culture II you know you don’t even if if you’re supposed to just treat women like disposable fast food then you’re not really an enchanted by The Mystery of the feminine you’re not really exploring your own Fantasy Realm when you imagine what it feels like to just think of someone you have a crush on I mean it’s just like a flattening of that you know some glad to hear you say that there are Seekers out there of the Mysteries of the family and I feel like yeah I hopefully this is there more women will say you got a really educate yourself these these podcasts are out there what you’re doing is is available and and it just seems like such a mischievous Street to be able to listen to women talk about what pleases them if you’re a man and you want to get the girl you know I mean they’re sitting in a tree houses listening but it’s not so it’s it’s very against you what that really is like the rawness and the the intimacy and I yeah I would love to see more you know especially the younger guys really treasuring that cuz I really do think they care a whole lot yeah deeply and authentically for sure but beneath all of the fronting and even though the posturing and fronting to be homophobic I mean if that when that gets dissolved you know then there’s so much more openness to all kinds of expiration and pleasure so well well I’m glad I’ve got a heart boner right now just listening to all this good stuff I think we’re definitely here at the right time and I’m so excited to 2 to get into I just binged listen to podcast so I’ll probably will start at the first one and go all the way to the last I just have this huge download and yeah hopefully I will be in touch again in and definitely just want to send lots of positive prayers and blessings your way and definitely will be ya sharing your great works with my listeners and 20 people your way so do you have any do you want to talk about your websites and you know what you have to offer and what people should be looking out for in the future and any last words for now sorry yeah and thank you so much I so appreciate that support and this has been really really fun and very insightful I have a lot going on tonight my website is August McLaughlin. Com you can also find it by going to grow a boner. Org and I blog there you can find extras articles that I write link to the two books that I’ve written and I hope to have a nonfiction book out sometime in the near future so and it’s being marketed Publishers right now and she’ll comes out every week and I love hearing from people so if anybody does listen and they want to let me know what they think or if they have a question I am I seriously protect people’s privacy so you can always reach out to me through my website and I’m everywhere on social media please reach out I I love to hear from you and I just hope that everybody out there will you know take a breath and a moment to look within and just start taking steps to be more authentic and to embrace yourself exactly where you are knowing that everything of that especially those little baby ones are impactful beautiful all right August thank you so much have a wonderful night and I look forward to next time all right I’ll see you so much for listening to the podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition assassini and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or team event at Orchard Park. 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