I’m this episode I’m joined by Wilrieke Sophia, a powerful and empowering intimacy coach who I feel has vital medicine for humanity. She’s been brave and courageous in her personal journey to grow beyond cultural conditioning and rules as she’s explored open relating. She shares an overview of her journey and we get into the depths of the emotional, sexual, spiritual opportunities and challenges she’s overcome along the way.
She blesses us with a reading of an amazing piece she wrote entitled “A Letter to the Women Who Sleep with My Man.”
Please visit her website at:
Wilrieke Sophia is fascinated by intimacy and interaction between people. How can you connect as deeply as possible, on different levels and in different ways? Once she was a very shy and insecure girl herself. Many years of exploration taught her how to accept herself on the deepest levels and surrender with a smile to life. Her path brought her into the realms of tantra, BDSM, non-monogamy, healing, shamanism, mindfulness, meditation, and her horses taught her about empowered leadership and dynamics between individuals based on body language and charisma. Wilrieke Sophia holds a degree in forest- and nature conservation and is the mother of three daughters.
Wilrieke Sophia was the first to facilitate Cuddle Workshops in The Netherlands. Through her company Exploring Deeper Wilrieke hosts a wide range of workshops, retreats and individual sessions based upon a unique blend of cuddling, consent, tantra, conscious kink, sexuality, cuddling, authentic relating, healing and coaching in The Netherlands and the rest of the world. She loves bringing inspiring teachers from all around the world to The Netherlands. Wilrieke is also a passionate writer, writing for her own blog as well as a guest writer for e.g. Elephant Journal, Postmodern Woman and Rebel Society.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello Temple Evansville, Township on podcast episode number 139 I am being joined by Will Rica Sophia and she is a blogger at exploring deeper. Com she’s Aunt Missy coaching facilitator kinky timesheet kit mother and also the author of a amazing piece called a letter to the women who sleep with my man and I first came across that piece on the polyamory weekly podcast that she was featured on and I got to say it brought tears to my eyes it was so nourishing to the soul and so I’m such a breath of fresh air and it says as a man who is is constantly struggling to feel share the higher conscious more expensive more open-minded loving potential unconditional loving potential + communities and relationships and friendships it’s the resistance that comes from that Disneyland thesis about romance and monogamy is Judge it’s so I can be so toxic and I don’t want to say everybody’s wrong for it but it’s it’s just there’s a lot of ugliness around around that end with ology an archetype in it really takes the beauty of people who were living in a respectable healthy and sustainable way that are exploring and experiencing new and better and more love and figuring out how to work through issues and get along and so just this this letter that was this open letter that was written it’s just probably the most powerful piece of media I’ve come across yet that just really changes in and I’d say break some of that that cursing and and opens up new avenues for folks so we’re going to be blessed by getting into that later but said to start with that will Rica please if you would just tell us about your personal background history you’re doing some amazing things and just loves to get caught up with everything thank you for that wonderful introduction and Ice Stacy this wonderful words to bite my writing yes so why don’t you start I turn you believe in you know are changing paradigms and researching why we do the things we do I’m basically that’s that’s why I called my my business because I love exploring deeper every aspect of my life and I guess I’ve always done. It from being very young and you know always being the different one in the family like I was the first one going to University to study I was the first one to move out of the village and there were many other things there was the first one to two steps on a plane and travel somewhere that’s your people from foreign countries and see you traveling to see other countries and so the exploration of part of me has always been there yeah that also started in relating when I met the father of my kids have got three daughters I’m not with the father anymore but when we got together I was 23 I was super shy I had a very limited sexual experiences it was my first-ever long-term relationship and when we get together we got this children in the relationship and then there were three kids did that part and then we were like a k we’re like monkey baby nurseries yet we both have limited experience with other people is this at the rest of our lives can we never kiss or touch anyone anymore and also there is so much love that we share can we not share that with others and who is to decide we cannot do that like Society tells us what a relation it look like you know is that what we should do then I felt it felt very fulfilling and then we were talking about you somehow we both came up with like what if we were changed shape of the relationship or this contract that we have with each other on our behavior and what if we talked about and explore how we can do it differently so we both read a lot about it we’re at other bloggers we read books and we agreed first in theory and then later on all started like like practically taking stabs like Explorer sharing the love we have and connection in any shape or form with other people as well we often Define Relationships by the acts that we do a lot of people having sex means that this is the person we have a relationship with whereas we wanted to change that Paradigm to letting the relationship the defining factor of a relationship so over the years we like very slowly started exploring what happens if we have a girlfriend together what happens if I have a relationship with a married couple happens if we have lovers and yeah it is started with lots of trial-and-error lots of crossing boundaries that we didn’t know that existed lots of checking in and yeah we learned it was beautiful and also very intense like I’ll never say that Leah Maria czy but I learned a lot about myself and about a year-and-a-half ago we decided to I like I like to say not stop the relationship to change the relationship romantically involved with the father of my kids anymore I’ve been single polyamorous lifestyle of honey for a year-and-a-half I experienced some lower supposed to be very much celibate digesting that almost 10 years of relationship that I have with this person and everything I explored and tried in the time cuz I also went into deep processes with Tantra with conscious King and with other things so I took time to digest. And then I decided to do some research like if I want to be in a relationship right now what would it look like and what year would it be and I just a few weeks after that research I met a wonderful man and he’s my primary partner now and his best friend with whom he has like a platonic friendship forever 20 years she’s my lover so we are in some very interesting trying at the moment Sebasticook that’s like yeah that’s a brief overview of my adventures in the land of polyamory space on your personal life so it sounds like you were the one to mainly proposed the idea of exploring deeper and it with your your prom. The father of your children and how is that can you tell take us back in time to just what was triggered or what came up or what was the what was that conversation like you know what and whatever you tell your earpiece so comfortable sharing I’m curious that’s always the sort of interesting really scared to even have a conversation because you just doubting everything and it could be catastrophic so bring up the conversation could be like dropping a bomb on an existing relationship but we initiated this kind of together I always have been the more active one of the birth of us over the years and there’s things that that challenged us let me see I think I identify Genesee so as a word so much I don’t really believe in jealousy so much I think jealousy is a sign of insecurity so if I feel jealous it’s not so much that I’m jealous but there is something in me that I don’t trust for example if I’m afraid that he likes someone else back to Dundee that came up and it still comes up and it’s an insecurity of me not leaving I am lovable and likable so one of the things that I that that word was challenging and has been challenging in that relationship was the ability to look into the mirror of what the other person showing so it requires like in my opinion open relating requires an equal capacity of looking into that mirror and not pointing at the other person so I like how you’re doing everything wrong but to look into the mirror like hey you drink something which is hurting me so why do I feel hurt right now what’s underneath is this is a boundary I have is is an insecurity I have this is apostrophe, pause emotions that I haven’t worked through yet so what’s going on this is one of the challenges I had a relationship is that that wasn’t quite equal that some point I was like it’s not just me and my challenges so it’s is really need if you both go there and also was very much needed I think you see if he really super super super clear on bottom dries pictures for example if we had an agreement like hey it’s okay for you to date with someone else but I don’t want you to have sex with them right now then if my partner was she said in his definition sex would be penetration where is it my definition sex also includes oral sex and putting fingers into another woman’s body and frame it wasn’t so then there was some batteries close to trust every now and then and that was so at some point we really have to sit down to get a ride down okay this is this is what this means and this is a canis is not okay we do have boundaries and we do have girls right now where is you know there’s many shapes and forms of having an open relationship from having us the rules and regulations and having ownership and I you can do everything you want to do and also to navigate that like we started with lots of rooms and then we have no rose and then we shall post wasn’t working and middle way yes there is I think there’s to get some clear care of the logistics of the open relationship like what what are boundaries hell are we dealing with foundries what’s your cake can you sleep over it when you come home and when will you tell me you know these practical things is that is is a big thing that can cause a lot of challenges and issues and possible at bums for messing up a relationship and the other one what is the ability to look into the mirror and to feel like I’m being triggered owning this tree grand opening my feelings and I’m going to do research and I’m willing to face our spare some willing to do this in a research I think those two are very very necessary yeah I’m and the boundaries thing money is Communications a communication as self-reflection all so well that sounds like you did the U you didn’t just read a book and everything works magically in perfectly like you were assembling you know some furniture something at all fit together and it just worked it sounds like he had said he had to build it from scratch and actually you know throw away a few different versions that didn’t work until it finally worked and then and then even then it supposed to be repaired and stuff so I’m sure Morgan is in like this is never done this is not this is never done that even though I’m in another relationship and it’s yeah we started with this relationship I can tell you how we do it now like how I designed this relationship is it was it was quite different from other relationships that I’ve ever had so this relationship relationship with this man he is not living in the country where I am I am living in the Netherlands he is a pretty living in France and partly a nomad traveling the world right now he’s in the jungle for a couple of months and we met in a Miller lens between like we completely beside each other we got to know each other over a few days at a tundra festival and we were like a ride this is just something special I need to do some research are like maybe this is maybe this is a relationship so that would be 5 weeks between the meeting done and the next time we would see each other and we sleep took the time to write both separately relationship agreement and relationship agreement for for me it’s like a contract with myself and I’ve I’m a writer so I wrote 10 pages on what’s my desire in a relationship what are the intentions I have for like this research with myself and the research I want to do with the other person brake sound like it when it’s travel I want to keep throwing myself I want to be able to reflect each other and The Price is Right in two Dimensions I had and desires and then I’ll set you write down deal-breakers like what could happen or what practical practical things could be there that would definitely not work with me like for example he’s looking for Community to live in if that would be summer in South America things will be a bit complicated cuz that’s quite far for long distance relationship Breakers and we both also wrote down a user manual like if I’m grumpy maybe just feed me before trying to talk to me because you know the grumpiness is probably nothing to do with what’s going on I’m just hungry so we both write them done and then wrap them and them in those five weeks time for it and rewrite each other is a relationship agreements and then we agreed like I this is this is compatible there are some things that could cause friction and I might even be deal-breakers but we know them already will we won’t find out 5 years from now and then be like her shit this is 5 years wasted but we already know them and we consciously choose to create a relationship so we redesigned the relationship and then we call it a calibration so we we we have this relationship agreement we created Mexico like if we going to have sex with others will do that protects it without SpaceX we are the primary relationship like this is one of my things like everyone’s primary relationship and not be one of multiple relationships that are like level it’s just not my lifetime full respect for that but it’s not my desire for Sunday at the moment and the we created that says container and then and now we’re still in the calibration face and I think they’ll never end so there is a size container but we still getting to know each other and there’s some you know something something something happens and everything okay there was a battery we just now it so let’s use that instead of being like all this is this is painful and this is not good we are using it like are you know what we can actually use this to make it that’s if you create more intimacy between us as it is how we doing it now and it’s I think it’s a wonderful way of creating and designing a relationship that’s awesome yeah I have that I strive towards those ideals and and I’m I’m I will feel so blessed that when the day comes that someone with the level of attention to detail that you have is actually sharing that opportunity with me cuz it feels like two people who want to I mean one of the that’s so limiting and so damn thing really is that idea that oh you can’t you can’t plan anything you can’t everything has to be spontaneous it has to hit you like a you know it has to knock you off your feet and you have to lose your mind head over heels and fall in love and all these is really treacherous dangerous it’s like you think there have to be some hazard sign that says watch out you’re in your blind at all these red flags when you’re not really super conscious and aware so you just really actually you’re being drugged by by your own neurochemistry and so you know to come into that and intervene and slow it down actually put really real initiatories sort of initiation to the Temple of my body you’ve got to go through these steps you got to talk to the soups and disqualifies a lot of people who don’t have this month’s with myself like if I would ever have a relationship again and I’m 34 I don’t want to waste time in relationships that are not you know are not what I really really want and there is always Tennessee especially for if you’re wired like me you know I I kind of like confirmation I’m me and I have this anxious attachment as system where you know I like and it’s very easy when you’re on your own to just settle for less than what I really want so I really spend time figuring out what it is that I want and I told myself I’m just not going to do I’m not going to 2 4 Less you know that I’m liking myself so much right now and it took me a few decades to get there and I’m lucky myself so much right now that I rather be alone than being in a relationship that’s not having something to my life and that makes such a huge difference outside of people I attract you because Sunday I was blinded by matches that were probably amazing amazing people but just not much for me I might it open doors too many people there actually an amazing match for me awesome yeah dude I feel like the quality that you’re describing is something that is almost it’s like an event horizon for people who can’t think I guess they call it serial monogamy but it’s like the the cycle of people who go so get so lost in in a relationship with someone and then when it when it I’d say so you know if it’s really dysfunctional it is inevitably going to stay lit when that happens it’s it takes the pain as trying to sort out your essence of who you really are and you know that and then just that you just kind of a mess you know but with all the wounding and the people rebound and they jump into other relationships before they really discover themselves or set intentions for who they want to be it’s literally Unthinkable to them too to get to a point where you’re describing where you’re actually content and feeling excited and joyful about Espino having your own time yourself and actually cultivating yourself and sharing that sharing not giving you not betting the farm on on one person as soon as you get the opportunity but you’re actually you’re giving people samples of yourself and you’re letting them you know you’re sampling them and they’re sampling you and you’re not you’re not selling yourself short or you know selling yourself too cheap and in that that level of having a really high valuation and in your own sexual property record on sexual Capital you’re not you’re not just throwing it away on the market you know your ear metering it out and that’s something that people just cannot I mean a lot of people that can’t imagine having that much contentment with self-love and you know could you describe that a little more cuz I think that’s that’s that’s the key ingredient if you don’t have that you cannot open up tomorrow you can’t enjoy most people cuz you’re not enjoying yourself so that’s in any kind of relationship also monogamy for me is very a very great model and I know I could even see myself going back there at some point in my life when I feel that that’s the most beneficial for my gross is prices of a kind of filling the void that we don’t want to feel inside with other people I think this is also the biggest trap in non-monogamous constellation is it slow because I’ve been there as well you know when I was in the relationship with the father of my kids like there were some parts of the relationship that were not mazing like like sexually it was a feeling for either of us and it was and it happens that we both filled that void with other people instead of working through it so I would like to instead of facing the pain of that I meant talking about you and seeing what’s underneath so I think that part is not relax you do shape of the relationship but more to the willingness of self-reflection and the winningest suits you have that kind of life you know because this life of self-reflection and explain the four that I choose it is a conscious choice and Anita once you go down there’s no way back but yeah it says I think this Pitfall saying voice is not related to the shape of a relationship and in my opinion yes sexy to self ego-self know they’re there for me there was a time that I was the most shining secure girl imaginable like I was so shy I’m very tall for a woman and still I would be like the invisible Wallflower at parties you know even if you would invite me I would feel like the wind really want it but me there I was super insecure about my looks about my body I try to make myself physically small so I still have like a terrible posture because of that I wore shoes two sizes too small because I thought my feet were too big yeah there’s numerous examples I have very few friends I was always with my horses yeah it was super super shy super super insecure and you know I now give cuddle work Sims 4 years and I never touched anyone I never cuddle people I never looked and at some point during all this traffic is traveling I travel a lot when I was younger I when I was studying I started forest and nature conservation side cherries the topic that was very dear to my heart which did not involve too many people and was like getting permission to go to the forest all day and be on my own but at some point I felt was not for feeling the way I want you to fulfill my life and when I was studying you know I was I always was the crazy one with the binoculars knowing all the birds by name and I was you know it was the way it was and then I start studying and they were all the way at 1 and that’s very connecting is very bonding when you’re all you know happiness cute it from the popular group all your life abundant and I actually learned what it’s like to have a real conversation and I learned what it’s like seeing the people in the eye and then I started to have some friends who gave me a hug and it was like Risha but I don’t you know like I melted and I learned like actually this is this is amazing and treated traveling you spending hours on trains I was on a train from Moscow to Beijing and I just stared out of the window I wrote down everything that went on in my mind and I start sitting there and you know this reflection and this is not a process of that changes you ever night this is a prices of yours where I learned to be very compassionate for my shy side so you know I would now if you see me you’ll see that off and I’m like rubbing my chest or having a hand on my belly like there’s so much compassion right now for everything that I feel so when I’m insecure I’m insecure what do you need now and I’ll figure out what I need so I learned to accept myself in all aspects but I’m a woman with a full spectrum of emotions that I’m not necessary dramatic but that I just feel a lot and that I’m very expressive in my trial I might scream about this just who I am and I love myself. I’m a bit crazy sometimes and so gradually that changed and also you know I always thought I wasn’t pretty and then I think the open relationship help me a lot of them because I think I saw two men and women came to me and they were like you’re pretty and I was like what are you talking about but then you know I’m also my hypothesis of I’m not pretty against the hypothesis of wrong maybe this is not the time then telling myself if I just entertain the idea that I’m wrong and I’m actually really cute you know that just playing with the idea I don’t believe in like I you cannot place anywhere you should change your thoughts it’s just not working but playing with the idea like what am I nice to you if I change this. I’m sorry for myself just as nice appears to be much more fun there and that encouraged me to change my on paradigms about some other things as well yeah life has got much worse I dropped the insecurity bit by Grant and I’m still dropping it bit by bit you know there’s still some fear is like one of the Spheres I have is like I fear being too much like being too emotional being to presence being too sexual or whatever it is that I think I’m still working on dropping them that he had this is definitely not going prices but still worth it yeah beautiful thank you so much yeah I feel that it’s it I feel the same way I feel like there’s like an inner voice of I’m too hideous to be in public that a lot of people been there myself and it’s it’s when people would contradict that I would think they were crazy in lying or something I bought it was your agenda what are you trying to get you know it takes time and really I like the way you’re talking about in just some almost like I feel like you’ve become the demon whisper if you just start to tickle those voices and get them to actually warm up in and out and it’s a c i can be such a dysmorphic they call you know what body dysmorphia isn’t right where you just you see you have a completely distorted perception and even to other people they don’t they don’t they’re not exaggerating the imperfections and in your the symmetry of your face or this whatever shape of your body and they just accept you and see you and feel you if you’re glowing that’s what they are attracted to a I feel like that’s why it’s taken well yeah definitely so as if we can get to get a little bit to inquire a bit into the de politics of this stuff looks a little bit so if you’re a parent now and you can you imagine that or what what was your sort of narrative that I mean I can I cook this is my synopsis of it I’m really curious to see what he would say bye but I still like the the agenda of the beauty miss machine of all of the magazines and TV shows and music videos and glamour you know machine the commercialized glamour machine if you will it’s it’s it’s preying upon diversity of peoples natural forms and diversity of every thought is a diversity or am I supposed to be the end of this is beauty medicine so that they said that to you other the storyline for love and all that and and so as a as a mother now having lived through that in and now you come out the other side with a glorious Redemption and salvation of becoming that and do what do you do and where what do you recommend about how to play like you said shift the Paradigm in and just make sure that that that that level of of isolation in sort of the private hell realm of being insecure and being not feeling really confident how are you how are you supporting that Paradigm now is a mother I’ve got three daughters so I got a lot of opportunities to work with that as there’s even more paradigms to well I’m I’m the kind of parent she doesn’t I did like to force any kind of Paradigm on my kids so I will not tell them to have an open relationship for example like I’m not telling them to not eat candy but I do tell them what sugar does to your system so that they can make a conscious Choice themselves what they want to eat and I had a beautiful conversation today with my nine-year-old my oldest daughter and her teacher was she was explaining to her teeth to her teacher that she loves it but this is what I do text her not once a red bell by teacher like we don’t eat so much candy. She’s not rebelling that she’s like what I know now I know what I can choose and I know that I can choose to eat candy because I know what it’s doing for me so this is what I want to do with them as well when it comes to anything you know I have sometimes one of my daughter she’s insecure about her teeth do you know where the little little a space between front teeth then I’ll just show him some videos of Madonna Like You know it’s just fine if you don’t like it we can fix it and that’s why I want to do it all show them what you said your pursuit of that so I love to go to a sauna or see you some nudist beach with them just to show them different bodies I’m turn me happy sign in my body and telling them about you how it works I’m not hiding anything from them but I’m also telling them you know to to have one relationship with the other friendships are the owner I’m just very I just want to support I’m not hiding anything and we talked about like we talked about things to the extent that they once because you know they’re still quite young and they don’t have strong Concepts yet about relationships or sexuality so I’ll just do their level and I’m just being very open and honest with them about why I choose to live this way and also I believe kids learn the most from examples or did I spend research that shows people learn most from examples so it’s really it’s my mission to live in the most amazing life myself to show my kids that this is what it’s supposed to Bubble so he’s also I’m also doing this like yeah I benefit because my life is pretty pretty damn amazing but also for my daughters to show them like you know you don’t have to fit in a pair of shorts that’s what you want but I’ll let that be your conscious choice but yeah this is this is what’s possible and this is my choice and you know whatever your choice is I’ll support you that’s awesome. That really is that’s amazing philosophy I hope everyone really adopts that to just it’s just feel like what I’m hearing you say you have this positive pressure energetic positive pressure to to to feel tip to not be miserable and to feel grading to do whatever it takes to find what makes you feel great so that you can be a role model of not just how to follow the rules and how to you know get a job and have a stable marriage or whatever it is that you’re supposed to do with yeah Mommy you’re doing everything according to the rules at the man set but you’re miserable so I don’t know if I want to listen to anything she said she like there is enough in my life to be insecure and certified and it’s it’s it’s really you know my lunch awesome it’s oh so pretty damn challenging and I’m choosing to be happy and I’m like the last week’s I’ve been telling people when they ask me how are you I’m saying retry out of myself and I like embracing a healthy sense of pride of being have even though life is so slippery challenging my time awesome awesome I agree Wilkes so if you don’t mind I would love to at this at this time Have you shared that letter and and really I think we found it I will have will have a bit of time to discuss that afterwards but if you’re okay with it I would love to have that I’m not be sure cuz it’s such a treat it’s called a letter to the women who sleep with my man and it goes like this very sister thank you thank you for opening your heart and opening your body for my beloved thank you for being vulnerable with same thank you for sharing Precious Moments in organic police with him thank you for enriching his life you can give him things I never can for the simple reason that you are not me you have a different flavor there are different things that excite you that make you tick that frighten you with that you had to another mirror to look into you can show him things about himself that I never can you have walked at the different paths than I did you have a different past with that you can teach you things I never can thank you thank you for being so brave and courageous to see him into receiving because you know of my existence I see you I see that it takes guts to take off your clothes for a man who has a woman who knows about you you didn’t run away instead you came closer you touch the skin I touched so many times before you kiss the lips I kissed so many times before you curled up in the arms I tried asking so many times before you’ve seen the body as I saw so many times before he’s Lovely isn’t he with all my heart I hope you enjoyed every moment you spend time will spend with him I hope he will enrich your life as you and Rich to I hope you shared you Bliss Beyond imagination there’s only one thing I asked a few see me don’t walk away when you meet me again I understand if you feel nervous about me and that you are not sure how to communicate with me you don’t have to know you see this path sometimes scares me Reckless there’s this little girl inside of me who’s afraid she will lose her beloved each time he is away it’s easy to see you as my enemy my competitor like women have done for such a long time but you’re my sister we have the same fears and we share the same longings I asked you to be vulnerable with me just give me a hug you don’t have to say a thing which is right man is so message that feels easier for you let’s not compete but mead invulnerability as equals we are sisters and we have something in common him I love you thank you I look so tough. Oh wow take a couple of breasts does it impact everybody this way after you got to bring a box of Kleenex down the street watching me like you know the real story of this one if this article says it’s really funny actually I wrote this I just wrote his on a day where I was like you know I have to write like I’ve got these urges to write things I just had the urge to write this time and in a wave of bliss feeling very Blissful about everything and connection to your sister and I really like this and I just put it away on my computer and then it was a Monday morning where I was like yeah let me just post something maybe I still have an article somewhere that I can put it online and I came across this one again I just posted it like this Monday morning just let me post something and it wasn’t in a few hours and it’s it’s it’s been a little while since I’ve I think about 3 years ago or something and it’s still impacting so many people and so many people sent me messages of five years and it’s been changing lives and people have used it to open up to me it’s unbelievable is incredible and I feel so grateful that the impact of this you know it’s not I don’t mind I don’t care that I was the right things I really don’t care about you basically but I’m so grateful for you know for the for the weight of this for your for the fact that people are thinking about relationships and I’m so so grateful that is touching hearts that even now like like you connect me with me and people connecting with me if I do believe in each message is message that I got each time someone gets Tears in their eyes it’s is bringing me tears into my eyes and I just feel super grateful for for being in this together because you know this would never resonate with so many people are we were not in something together so that’s that’s what I’m feeling very grateful about wow yeah they just keep on rolling on are you going to write a romance novel and that’s just that was just the the Prelude right if you got it and it’s been finished it’s about all of these things about my whole prices from being shy girl to where I am now and is still waiting for an editor as soon as I find an editor who can help me like putting it in real English because I’m still native speaking person I hope it will be out there soon yeah I hope I hope that way in Turkey. well I just got it I get it feel that it’s just that it brings up just I’m just feeling into all of the all of the shadow of competitive the shadow of Sisterhood which is just Relentless competitive competitive abusive emotional violence and in the debt it’s still I think it starts with a mink and correct me if I’m wrong but I say where it was very recently that somebody a female friend of mine is also a tantra instructor in and she is just doing the really difficult but really rewarding work I’ve actually building women’s groups and kind of goddess work together with women and and just been trying to figure out you know how to harmonize all these emotional torrents of energy and all of these conflicts of interest over man and and resources and popularity and who’s the the top Priestess and all these patterns and and then it is when the things she said to me that I had kind of overlooked as it kind of you know someone naive in this department is just that we get really rainbows and unicorns about Ya-Ya sisterhood is powerful and it’s the way you know it’s a really I believe it’s the way forward but then when a lot of women think about what sister had actually means that it’s torture and torment and Idris merciless ongoing years of the little man and understand like wow it’s because is it or I’ll ask you is it because siblings in a scarcity industrial culture you know who they’re competing for the scraps of attention that come from parents were totally distracted and probably not happy and so just that Cascades down and there’s just it’s a big is the heart of it all there’s just this the scarcity of love and attention and affection that makes people have to go feel like there’s never going to be enough so you have to fight for what little you might get from your father and that becomes your you know this this this scrap fighting over scraps is at does that seem like where this is all coming from that’s so challenging to overcome with with a delight of Sisterhood movie it doesn’t it doesn’t really resonate with me this one I think I do see this a lot I also work with women’s groups and what I see is that you can also look at the evolutionary perspective of it which also means that women had to compete for a 40 alpha males right so maybe card is genetic I can imagine it part of Steel genetic you know where where we think we’re very far and evolution I’m very well developed in all kinds of ways but you know we still have to do is start animalistic brain and nervous system and hormone system analyst. So I think that’s there and also we are raised in a culture that is very much fear based on his very much Basin and security you know if she look at women’s magazines and fairy tales and pup star is so you know there is just this image that we all know a very skinny women you know of this this beauty models Beauty Perfection and perfect perfect Beauty image that we have created which is basically impossible it’s just way more interesting for commercial right if we think we lack if we think we’re not perfect then we at least by all these beauty products so I think we are being raised with lots of insecurity lots of competition comes from there you know even when girls are small I can already see it happening with my girls and their friends and definitely when I get older in high school like I very clearly remember my high school experience why I was the outcast as I said before like I was taller so I was pleased with that likes to and Ike you know I’m I am a curvy woman and at all so still when I walk into a room or if my man is looking at someone who is shorter and skinnier I immediately thinks she’s better if all sense and then competition has already started you know then there’s no vulnerability so we need to break those walls down every time we need to break Chinese rules of fair these walls of thinking we’re unlovable all of these things and yes of course how we were raised but I think this is not related so much to women just women you know we are all race with an addiction for love you know how do you get someone addicted by giving him something and taking it away from them and this is an experience pretty much every one of us has you know when you’re doing something right as a kid our parents will be like yeah well done amazing and as soon as we don’t clean up our toys behind us or walk the wrong way they’ll be like not this is not great but they take away the love and approval we will try our best and as censor ourselves and change yourself to fit in a mother of a child that receives most loved oh yeah that’s right there and especially we have siblings who may get more love in our perspective then that will happen to all of us have opening in our lives like previous relationships or whatever it is that contribute to this the sister who and what I see is working it is to really see each other and it’s so so what I want to do with this with this article is not create this vulnerability if I see other women as a danger as possible possibilities that take away the love that I have in my life right now the source is that love then I’m in competition and I don’t see them as human beings so one of the things I do is when my beloved that has a lover that he sees my office I want to meet her because then I can see her and see for myself and it sounds weird but I can see for myself that she’s a human being and not some some Dark Cloud that somewhere there but an actual human being and then we can talk and I can share my vulnerability and one of my teachers he always says be a walking permission slip so I’ll be her permission slip to be vulnerable with me I’ll be about our boat and that is magical like I still have some of my best friends some of my best female friends are actually ex-lovers of ex-partners and those relationships have stopped long time ago and we’re still best friends just men men come and go but women who are raising children but most importantly you’ve got to have solidarity really and that’s that’s beautiful to thank Chad text to the you can meet some of your best friends through after the pastor that has been replaced chicks before dicks in one of my friends likes my friendship with her over any Explorations I would like to have with him so she would be uncomfortable for whatever kind of reason I want him because you know that this is more important in that case then I said it wrong to really see each other and to communicate about it and maybe electron it is possible to you to have some experience is such a really do that too if I have I have an encounter with a man who has a relationship I always ask if I can contact her like even if it’s just a message on Facebook or something but just to tell her like a stank you thank you for your courage is sharing your man and this is who I am and I had a wonderful experience I’m very grateful yeah I am very much keen on creating a Sisterhood Bond so it’s not just me having a experiences with some man but really you know it’s more than that like open relaxing and polyamory is more than just experiences with another person in for me in my TV. That’s awesome and I’ll say I’ll just put it a word out there for the men who whose knees are shaking and White Knuckles turning white hearing all this stuff I got to say that the the I would say the most the most satisfying and nourishing moments of my life has been in addition to or even equal to what’s a sexual gratification with more multiples with multiple lovers it’s actually witnessing the harmony of women really safe and comfortable with each other and dancing together and and sharing that Vaughn and then I really see what’s missing and what’s been crushed and taken away and that is such a beautiful thing to behold that is so mesmerizing to see that and and I see how powerful is and it makes sense why the patriarchy would be afraid of that and want to crush it but to give me to I swear I have a partner in the lover and they say hello to each other and they give each other well men’s hug that’s just bringing tears to my eyes are so beautiful it’s not just the women in the 6:30 ghosts always so beautiful and so and all it takes is are you ready are helping myself out so yeah do you want I will wrap up I guess you want to talk about a bit about more of your Professional Services and how people can connect with you and what to look forward to in addition to this novel the Earth at your book that you’re going to be working at least I got my blog on exploring deeper. Come there is there are quite a few articles about call me I’m worried and I’ll monogamy and courage and fear and emotions and intimacy and relation yeah basically I’m fascinated by Intimacy in a full spectrum of it so not just sex but also cuddles a kink contra III love all of that and what I do is I offer workshops and mostly in the Netherlands but I must have traveling and willing to travel so in other European countries and I think I might come to America for the first time this year so I also work shelves from evenings two weekends to retrieve I give intimacy coaching so online like this way we’re doing right now or in real life hands on their people can come to me and if we talked with Elsa touch yeah basically that’s what I do and I sometimes bring people that I find super interesting to the Netherlands to help them produce workshops here as well and anything that comes to mind so yeah it’s it’s also about non-monogamy sometimes I’m at places and I do a lecture or I tell my experiences and yeah and body to experience a lot of what I do is not just talkin but creating a space irina’s create safe spaces for exploration so I pray it works out for you can explore and see the imprint of searching my experience is so that you can take that back into your life and it’s not just hopping from worship to Workshop but really changing your life yeah yeah and it goes from me I do kinky things from these things Centric things and everything in-between that sounds wonderful and thank you thank you thank you so much for being the wonderful glorious person as you are and yeah I’m looking forward to that more of your travels and Adventures and and exploring deeper. Calm and that so people can connect with you and in follow-up and yes I have any last words you want to say any wisdom you want to share and then we’ll call it interview you can easily find me there on Facebook if you remember my name is Luka Sophie and you can easily find me also on Facebook and on that all the channels that we have nowadays yeah so I’d say I don’t believe in any Paradigm or fixed shape of anything whether it’s sexuality or relationship or intimacy whatever our parenting your flavor of it you know it’s your flavor and it’s so beautiful to have the courage to go in words in Words before going out but you can never connect with anyone else cheaper than you can connect with yourself so Having the courage to go in with you to talk during it’s not easy on easy but it’s so so worth it it’s so worth it and relationships are a wonderful field of exploration and so beautiful I’d I really encourage everyone to to find their own voice into find during slavery and also when you found it it might change though it’s not me find it might change every day and please give yourself permission so you change your mind to change your way of living that you know this is the life we Scott let’s just you know I enjoy it as much as we can and share as much as we can beautiful alright well thank you again so much we will definitely be in touch of literature you’re very welcome I very much enjoyed talking with you take care of a great evening thank you thank you for listening to the podcast please go to www.drudgereport.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and improving the podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples Pepper Bike ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email fan at Tasha Punk. 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