In this episode I’m joined by Kit Murray Maloney, an outspoken orgasmic organizer who’s been working and playing hard to start a proud self-pleasuring revolution among women. While male masturbation is taken for granted and catered to by the mainstream culture, female pleasure is still in many ways in the dark ages. Kit shares about her great work to re-enlighten humanity about the potential for healing, empowerment, pleasure, fun, relaxation, and more with female masturbation and orgasm.
She’s established a movement around the Pleasure Pledge where women commit to pleasure themselves thoroughly for 3 weeks straight, to learn more please go here: https://www.thepleasurepledge.com/
We discuss the need for thoughtful user experiences with online porn and her efforts to curate a more refined adult entertainment selection. We also commiserate on the need for shamanic pornography to become a thing so we can show religious pornophobes how sacred sexuality is to be respected rather than feared.
Please visit her main website here:
Kit Murray Maloney is driven by her core belief that a celebration of women’s sexual pleasure, including female orgasms, will heal and better the world.
For the last two decades Kit’s been an activist, academic, and entrepreneur committed to channeling her passion for gender equity into a celebration of women’s sexual pleasure. She’s earned a Masters degree in Gender and Social Policy from the London School of Economics and has been featured in Marie Claire, Self, and Glamour magazines.
Kit launched O’actually as a multi-media platform for open and honest dialogue to release taboo of women’s self pleasure and to promote beautiful erotic work made by women for women. Kit is also the founder of The Pleasure Pledge, a free 21 day program inviting women to celebrate there daily orgasm.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin podcast episode number 17089 being joined by Kid Marie Maloney who is the founder of oh actually and the pleasure pledge and she is a deep believer in celebrating women sexual pleasure and yeah please kid we haven’t had an extensive background of each other so please enlighten me tell me all about your beautiful wonderful self and how it is that you got involved in the sexuality sex positive and Liberation kind of movement wonderful friend thank you thank you for creating a space of the podcast and four and having me on it and I am yeah as you mentioned I am the founder of actually which is a space that is committed to engaging in the sphere of adults entertainment with intent around bringing some more openness and honesty and to that realm so that we can receive more pleasure and really lift out of some of the shadows and taboos that I believe are are cementing Us in real blocks around Shane and sexuality and so actually is really a space around that entry and celebration looking at something like foreign adults entertainment and moving beyond our assumptions that we might have and the taboo that we might carry and go in list and openness around what might be possible when we relieve some of the tension around the top who even within the realm of sexuality specifically in the round with sexuality and then the pleasure of that is a space to celebrate women sexual pleasure and it is a 21-day invitation to remember to celebrate their daily orgasm and there’s lots of support through that with daily invitations that offer women away to further nurture on and prioritize and enjoy their selves as orgasmic features and an experienced extremely wonderful and I can see I can I do this should be what the Surgeon General is getting behind to promote this I don’t know if you remember there was a time when there was a female search General who was fired for suggesting essentially that masturbation will be a great form of a defense against HIV spreaded believe that was what happened but women solo sax or masturbation is something that still trade such tremendous and yet I stand for it being this incredible healing power and so it is such a it’s a tragedy to me that we take this beautiful resource that we all have within ourselves and shouted it and a lot of misunderstanding and Tabu and so the pleasure pleasure is such a beautiful face of our whole system is set up to receive is there and if women shoes they can decide to bring Partners into that experience and there are times in our life where we can also choose to have that entire experience all in our own systems has she just thought it would be an interesting blog post many years ago girlfriends about understanding that they would instead it was a beautiful beautiful and honoring through there and free of celebrated in community of sister head and from that unlocked a much wider and even more richer program an offering to the world of the Worlds talking about it’s coming up on February 1st 2000 some okay so I’m this is his if it says your your gift to the world it sounds like you were you were on a mission to do the sort of meme me medic Alchemy Alchemy to get a movement in motion and action is so I imagine you’re doing Outreach in I’m just curious what is the what’s the strategy and what is the sort of scope of your of your aspirations for this cuz I believe it it really can and should go far and wide so yeah I’m excited to hear about what’s going on behind the scenes first question and this is the first year where I’ve decided that the pleasure pledge deserves her own space so she’s going on and I realized over years of running both of actually on the pleasure pledge simultaneously that there are definitely overlaps particularly because I am the founder of both and so my stamps for women’s safety of their safety within themselves safety of their sexual experiences and as well as their healing is a thread that has been part of my work for 99 and lifetime I believe and so it feels nice to to give the pleasure patch this new space to thrive and we are inviting more awareness through our conversations like this social media brand Partnerships as well and it’s really my belief that an orgasm orgasm solo sex is something that is a key ingredient to women’s holistic vitality and so I see this as a space that is very much based on sexuality but honoring sexuality is a key component to our house and so I think that there are ways to open up this conversation that really reached my way of like oh yeah but just as you say it like this should be something that like the health department is like no side effects better sleep and wildly wonderful and positive potentials that’s my job that’s so cool yeah you know it reminds me throughout the years of just being a sex geek and whatnot I do recall it might have been a documentary or somewhere where I saw that there are there are countries in the world where literally it is their government agencies and offices that that hand out pamphlets about masturbation and how to do everything you would you would you would hope that our government pay course it’s it’s a it’s not it’s not trashy it’s not really you know over the top as far as being provocative it’s just like like a first aid manual her like acne treatment manual or something exactly awesome so please if you would please tell me more about just your personal how did you come up with this idea what I love the story and I love to hear more about the other your other the sort of the inaugural test study subjects that you worked with in the beginning and get some other stories of how they experienced it but I was curious to go back further in your life history with your what was missing in what was wrong and what didn’t provide you this you know out of the gate so that she had to develop it like what’s your sort of story of heroism around that yeah so I trying to decide how far back to go so I was as a teenager what kind of Fancy Pants all girls private school in Boston and everything for the eight years that we were there was still didn’t us about going to college and getting into the best possible, and yet there was no training or no conversation around what college would be like and I’m dating myself here but it was a late one day decided I’m actually going to go on to it wasn’t Google it was like or something and start searching about what the college experience sexual assault and I was 17 and horrified and terrified and I look back at that seventeen-year-old girl and I’m really impressed that she was able to be as conscientious as because I was two teachers and adults at the time and brought them needs to tistics and was told that I was I shouldn’t worry about it I was there was no conversation actually I have this beautiful experience where an aunt of mine took me out to lunch and the summer before I was to go to college and she’s basically just sat me down and was like kids who are scared to go to college and I told her as well as I was with her guidance that I stepped onto my college campus aware of the groups that were already set up to address issues of sexual violence on campus and raise my hands to participate in them and so pretty quickly I was leading them and growing them and engaged in administrative and policy changes and it really was making identifying key component of my college experience and so as you can imagine it was incredibly powerful in some ways because I was able to effect change fan belt community and be part of community and the other signs it was incredibly taunting and why on Earth was I as a 21 year old given this responsibility with my friends to be riding so that I done went and got my Master’s and gender and social policy in London at the London School of economics and was really against sexual violence in the world I smile not because I think that is a lofty goal is mad because that is so clear to me as like what my mission in the world has always been since I was younger and kind of the foreshadowing I had not process my own sexual trauma yet and so I stepped away from the work for a couple of years and did some other activities and then I in 2012 I want to go back into making the world a better place for women I want to have it’s always going to drive to me to be focused on women sexuality and could I navigate this through a focus of pleasure and that was really the impetus it started oh actually was could we talk about Up Entertainment so we could be released taboo around pleasure as a way of honoring what the world might look like if there wasn’t any more and then I do believe that when we heal ourselves we will have that celebrates and honors women’s bodies in them and sexuality in women’s pleasure and orgasmic potential and I am all for it so that was how I started on February 2019 be the fifth annual public butter fudge does not hundreds of thousands millions of a saying in February that for this 21 days are going to focus on ourselves are flygare healing and growth and expansion in our lives in the world beautiful as so I’m assuming also that that’s correctly that span of time if everyone is basically synchronizing on that pledge then that would be a huge marketing opportunity for companies than brands of products that are already doing Valentine’s Day campaign so if you don’t want to be a douche boyfriend you should buy vibrators so you know that are for pleasure pledge and you should learn how to be an assistant and you should step up in that way and actually I mean I will be beautiful I could just imagine that a pleasure pledge gift kind of Kit grab bag company information face and celebratory products and I love it too because it’s this really special time in a year where January closes and we step into February and I don’t know about you but the release of a January guilty intense that’s amazing well thank you for that actually I thought it would be funny at one point to do like a synchronized masturbation every twice a day depending on if your morning person but at 6:09 a.m. and 6:09 p.m. everyone should be either doing that if they have the luxury or at least pleasuring themselves and in I think we will shift like the axis of the earth a week yeah if I resend some measurable synchronized meditations and prayers and just light up the whole planet as we all know how beautiful it is to collectively meditate our minds at meditation are in such an orgasm as as such as some water and Shirley healing because you’re bringing that high high frequency of pleasure and joy into your whole system very well said yes I totally agree and I like to step back a couple of little bit into where you had been doing the activism around you know I like to call a sexual self defense that kind of covers a lot of a lot of FM Beyond just street fighting and mugging what not there’s there’s a whole Continuum there’s a whole Arc of violence that can be interrupted earlier with different forms and strategy so I’m a b I’m really into that that’s the old as well and in in appreciate that that you have been working on east campus safety in & Beyond and then something that comes to mind something that comes to mind is that a friend of mine also in the field not too long ago was sharing with me that this notion that female orgasm is can be can become so Elusive and so difficult to induce for for this one factor that she mentioned among many factors are one of it was that I guess there’s new Neuroscience coming out that’s pointing to that they’re being a part of the brain that if you don’t feel fully safe and fully relaxed you pretty much can’t you eat you would need to feel physically safe to Stew for the orgasmic energy orgasmic triggering an energy and all of that that whole chemical cocktail and that whole electrical storm to really take place if it’s like an inhibited when there is a sense of of a lack of safety for the most part of course there are people who would they get they get off on on on different fetishes and you know that there’s different different ways to look at that yeah this is so very happy that you brought this up because I just want to clarify to like a couple of things that are happening within that like in general this notion women needing to feel safe in order to receive and enjoy pleasure just and she would have thought of fact I think right and so that is wonderful where that can go a little bit wonky at fast is Ever Getting It confused or taking that pendulum swing a little bit too far if you will so that it implies that victims of violence who did receive bodily pleasure during their assault are somehow not telling the truth about the lack of consent in that hasn’t sat in case any listener is feeling concerned about what surrounding getting any sort of bodily pleasure certainly beautiful provided us with which is that ease of access to orgasm is going to be first created within a container of safety answer that is always what we want to be going for an and committed to and that isn’t a beautiful that orgasm is that much more accessible different statuses fetishes might not have that container of safety they might be perceived but usually fetish groups actually have a much stronger containers then we might and so if you’re saying to somebody I want to experience is going to be tightened through a through the app and your XYZ is something that may or may not be taboo and may or may not be in, but what you’re actually asking for it and therefore you’re presenting yourself in a container safety hope that makes sense. I totally concur with you about the safety of the container around fetish The Fetish community and I was taking on a pretty deep journey within the upper echelons of it at one in one chapter of my life and I mean cuz it’s always been somewhere throughout my life but I got to actually live in SM dumb and got his Temple for about a year and till I was exposed to a lot of things that people have kids but but it was there that I really got to to develop a high respect for containers with in containers in and you can feel safe to be made slightly on safe and that can be how it all works but everybody’s different but I just see appreciate also being able to talk about this stuff and then and open a space up for it so you actually when you say adult entertainment are you you’re talking about about pouring about I was it is nuanced and complex like all of life certainly all sexuality as far as my understanding of it is and so I know actually it’s a highly curated selection and some of the filmmakers don’t use entertainment honor the hall I Hazard a umbrella term and and it can be spokes of erotica or torn or anything else but this guy I am I think you know we have goodness me I am particularly like in this moment today I had some very angry comments friend to see all the pain and hurt as a woman who follows around what it means to step into engagement around pornography and I think for me one of the things we spend most reassuring about this face as that it counter-intuitively has really reminded me of all of our humanity and also how important it is to create dialogue around things that we supposed to be unwilling and a lot of women do to this really new porn video porn wildly accessible very very influential and and so to leave it on its own in the shadows seems so not okay to me and it is it’s over it’s turned into this real conviction of like let’s talk about it and let’s talk about what we think is okay and not okay and is it in planting Aspen what’s the difference between fantasy and our relationship to our practices of solo sax versus our expectations and desires for real world sex and are we navigate to overlap and the distance between those places and how can we start to see differences as well as commonalities and how we use to measure I’m also in that space and so it’s it’s refreshing to hear more purposeful and in passion-driven visioneering in that space for sure in as and I agree it’s also it’s with rapidly shifting a lot of things and it could be it could be for the best or for the worst or or probably a bit of both but I’m yeah something that I’m curious about is how are you integrating are you out how does it integrate with your projects is this something that you have like a cute you were curating content that you suggest to folks to use for their the pleasuring enhancement purposes is there like a sum of a studio or you producing independent content or how does it all work with your pleasure actually right now my insurance is that we have provided a safe and beautiful directory and guy for you to choose what type of that offense of Human Experience you’d like to have in that moment so lately and then you are directed to the makers to we have with folks that I talked with people that we’ve done really promote people’s work who is Open Nest an honest man Honest Tea around sexuality and I actually have also included because I realized in a lot of inner dialogue with myself are some sites that are some types that are good for us to take around other people’s enjoyment and other people’s practice says around their sexuality is a paternalistic and unhelpful and probably found Saul particularly keeping in mind how women your sexuality with so many of the pornographic sites out there are so our goal is to have that introduction feel like more of a dipping the toe in the water than being a shots the I thank you for doing that in a really is it makes me think of what you’re providing is almost like a a condom before your eyes for your soul so going on the mental industry is pretty much driven by ad revenue from free content now so I mean free content being posted on website posted on websites that that are just riddled with potentially malware scripts and the pop ups and in all kinds of manipulative marketing strategies to get you to to to rig your dopamine cycle ratchet up so that you’re you’re being sort of like you said pushed and you know what I’d say push towards more extreme the rapidly extremely hyper rapid acceleration from really mild material that you’re trying to maybe look for something specific but then it it’s they know what you’re doing they have patterns and rhythms in its mass and they’re just driving you pushing you often towards some stuff that’s going to be traumatic ultimately it tends to lead in those directions so if we could be creating a portal or accurate experience where there’s some guard rails and a little bit of at least hopefully some warning signs or something where you know I would be helpful and for not to be predatory as a visit as a marketing experience in general you know for it to be something for her if I want to get aroused I’d like to have liked it you know romantic like candle light dinner Ambiance of an experience of consuming the media and not be in like this thing you know if the lake I just ran over that like a lot from of actually and I just think if we ingest provides that you know a candle or two before you get there because there’s also really awesome really beautiful but I just for me and for a lot of the people that I’ve talked to you it’s a really nice thing to just have a little bit more of a guide in a little bit more of a sense that you are at the Hound yourself to what what material you want to consume rather than feel as you say either pushed or like you are not in control of what is going to be awesome Oso if you were to be let’s see speaking to a an audience of adult content producers what what are you hoping will be some of the new new trends what what can be done to his they’re always innovating and they always want to be on top of the next the next whatever so if you curious like if you if you if you could be a designer producer-director just with your words just imagining that people listen to this might be in the process of wanted to create content that would be acceptable in and embraced on your platform it really again goes back to what is your intent and around joking mean hats and getting people to more and more extreme versions of pornography usually ends in the intent to make money because usually the end goal is that there’s been enough of a her to get somebody into a paid membership site and that taste of torn I believe has a very different CEO and a very different than many of the other works its way out there to celebrate women’s orgasms to create something that is bringing additional levels of beauty to The World’s End so in speaking with sound anchors we have our biggest category on the site is celebrating female cell makers end in talking with them before reaching them on the site I really get a sense of what is their poor intention and the ones that are on Sauron oh actually are folks you have beautifully articulated that to me as really adding value of an expression to erotica wanting to be part of the worlds that erotic humans can be celebrated and a genuine had an inspiring healing way so that he turned up sell you to something else so that we can make it. Is that the court intent of people’s mission in terms of making it so I would also say I guess I wouldn’t let them more of us who are willing to celebrate erotic an x-rated content and engage with it and create it and it might look like to have more women behind a camera more people of color buying puts a smile on my face so I would want everybody to talk to Healing centered person too and by all means that’s also will actually have something that I might submit off to you for two that towards that end yeah and this is certainly the vibe that I’m that I’m on and I’m hoping to I’m hoping to find others already established in the industry and those who are outside of the industry and maybe haven’t considered it as a as a of a vector for for extreme positivity and extreme transformation because so many people are glued to the the the sort of stream of content that one little drop of something hewing in there could have a massive ripple effect in this this pain of human consciousness so I feel like my calls to action is for shamanic pornography to be a thing that that would be very Redemptive for all the witches who were burned because in all of the tantric group sexuality things that were against the irony that that I feel in my heart around the this it’s like okay if I was speaking to the pope right now I would say you and your henchmen have spent hundreds of years demonizing everything having to do with self-pleasure and with lesbianism homosexuality group sexuality and all forms of mysticism witchcraft sexual magical ritual and then all the sudden just basically in the last few decades the the legal landscape has opened up to allow for the some of the most what will you would consider to be sinful content to be produced and now it’s like the the consequences of all those centuries of repression are being expressed in these type super violence super non-consensual addictive or habit forming in there with a woodsy is 4M even Pat Robertson said demonic demons can be can be basically transmitted through washing a video on a screen and the information on a prospective you can understand how that’s possible by changing your vibration and in allowing in things that will give you a spiritual cold and yeah they stop by so it’s I feel like the the wisdom of Elders in which isn’t shamans coming in and saying at 6 will abuse and Trauma can be healed sexual abusers can be healed and Jen and redeemed through this stuff and so why is it that was dominating all of this content is stuff that is like I’m so flippantly I just can’t get over the irony you know so library of shamanic pornography and I really think that this like he’s hit on so many are convincing us that there is some houses and pushing the stuff more and more and more and more into arbitrary regulation and that is not rooted and you know one of my like it’s a little bit snarky of me I will process that but one of my favorites is guess what state in the United States consumes the most pornography the Utah go Enterprise I want a free-form subscription I want the Christian porn Christmas stocking stuffer kit let’s just get some real this year so that we can buy all of ourselves and create spaces for healing and beauty and bring back I love what you’re saying like an honor and of how different versions of sexuality have been and distrusted infested infested and two ways of demonizing things that actually have real potential to bring a really beautiful marriage if so yeah yeah a hold of those are very beautiful words I want to say we got a bit of time left if you feel like you want to just go I say I feel really really satisfied incomplete in what we what we’ve covered in I guess it’d be great to hear from you any any what else whatever else you want it you care to share and then certainly the website URLs and what people can do to connect Waze to find you and and maybe what’s next with what’s on the horizon 2 end to compete for this evening other I just have to say I am so excited to be at your work in the world through actually. Com or and the pleasure patch.com I’m also on all the social media actually or kicked me and group on Facebook for others and so come and find us there right now it is set up to be a Sisterhood of people who identify as being a woman so I know that that is a really beautiful space for women to come together and explore in community what it means to prioritize our orgasmic pleasure and also know that I have always looking for ways to bring men into our community and support them and their healing and their sexuality so there are programs to come for that in the future I just don’t know exactly when and where and why it’s not to be exclusionary it’s just in case and meet they would need 21 days off billion Wicked thoughts which is the Neuroscience behind our internet activity within the space when I was first time in years ago she was like women are needing and looking torso in that since I said go for it as a man I don’t get it Illuminating in our world right now men do not need the level of outer and inner permission for pleasure women are really appreciating the pleasure price as his permission slip that you know first maybe can be written by me or the pleasure patch but then becomes and to Paradise pleasure and it really does make sense to me then experience dependent right on well you don’t makes me think that I’m not for the necessarily the I think you mentioned it earlier kind of depends on what things can pendulum to Square One Direction yes so you know in this context I feel like I’m I’m kind of dismayed at seeing the the counter porn nofap kind of thing about it’s basically like okay you either jerk off to porn or you don’t touch yourself at all but in the in the sweet spot in the middle of it which is what the tantric wisdom in the Dallas wisdom is really all about for men is that you want to have as much physical stimulation as possible and you want to start to taper down the amount of ejaculatory orgasm if you have but still be able to have multiple orgasms and still be able to fuel those heightened levels of pleasure but not always be quote spilling your seed so there’s people who were in my you know me men’s tantric movement and they’re they’re doing these challenges for men is 21 a month or week or just work yourself up to longer periods of time of total not ejaculation in some people are some people go years I don’t I don’t choose that path although it has its merits if you have certain objectives but but I wonder if there will be a parallel movement because the more women pleasure themselves in in the twentieth the 21-day pleasure pledge if men are having solidarity non ejaculatory three weeks if not ejaculation but stimulation and they’re going to view way better effective at giving those orgasms providing the Arkansas to their female lovers there’s a way for you to harness your sexual energy by keeping your ejaculate inside but also elevating your abilities 22 you know what I mean anything there are so many total pieces of information that I gathered over the years around is just what that experience is for releasing energy and the male body and the release of semen vs. the building on connection to Life Force energy in the way in which women orgasm and I’m so I know where we can come together and so it’s interesting cuz in in are the fall and desire for equality I think sometimes that pendulum if you will get ourselves into this send this notion around saying this because when we think about sameness we lose this honor and have differences that is really basting a lot of trees and how we experience sexuality and pleasure an orgasm letting letting me go there for another final and bit of banter but yeah definitely we could go on for days and hopefully we will be in touch soon as this this approach has yeah well I will see what I can do to spread the word and and definitely will be in touch in in wishing you the best so once again thank you for your for your time and I will be in touch soon and have a great night VW. Concho Park. Calm and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition of sustaining and improving a podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple after bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episode if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Tantra Punk. Com