We discuss the effectiveness of the lover license test and how she’s been able to apply a more disciplined approach to setting timelines and boundaries for intimacy.
We both work to understand and develop best practices and strategies to protect our hearts and bodies as we progress on our mutually supportive journeys.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello dear beloved’s welcome to Township on podcast episode number 47 I’m here again with magic fucking pussy and we thought it would be a good time to give kind of an update on what we have learned as we’ve both been attempting to practice the well attempting to live by the best practices as outlined in the lovers license test because we both should know better so we’re going to put ourselves on the hot seat and tell all here so hello MFE welcome back thanks for having me in the discussion so when we did that when we went through the lovers license test together I would say we were both in attempting to experience new and in different loves in our lives our formal chapter who had been you know we decided to I guess one of you want to just say in your words how you want to describe like the the peaceful non breakup disillusion of our are sort of a sacred contract and maybe yeah well that’s exactly what it is we we never broke up where we never formed control boundaries or terms either which was new to me I never met anybody like you at that was so open-minded to the concept of relationships and what a good relationship and friendship should be and so we talked about how we could be on board with the same ideals and morals what paths we wanted to share together and I believe from the beginning we really just fell in love with each other as human beings are personalities everything we just you know we we really did we just were like I loved you I love your energy to you know and so we took it from there and you educated me on what was going on in the world that I was oblivious to because I in a lot of ways lived in a bubble I did not watch the news I felt like it was all just selling fear and chaos and in my mind I thought it’s all exaggerated you know which system extent it is a lot of it is you know the sad realities that are going on at that are out there and so just being aware of what I could do to make a difference in an appositive Dynamic you know just planting gardens and promoting that and promoting goddess worship because we know the patriarchal system we live in is just clearly not working and so we have lost our routes to Mother Earth and that’s what we need to do right now and I I’m on board with that and I realized coming from Paradise I couldn’t possibly appreciate it the way that somebody could if you didn’t know you were born and raised in a desert and then you go there and I still can’t quite grasp it like that but I appreciate it so much more and I ultimately that’s a lifestyle I want to embrace you know in the end and if I choose to have children which I am I’m not quite sure yet it would have to be the perfect partnership and if I did that’s where I want their routes to Spring from awesome and I support this prayers and intentions and because I know that your destiny to have a a beautiful very tight loving family structure and knowing that that’s your attention I’ve always wanted to support that and just ensure that you have the best selection of the finest stallions to choose from and because the world is we’re so close to really me and my International League Of Time sheikah colleagues men with women and otherwise we’re getting so much closer to a real needed Paradigm Shift where are the qualities that that we’re working on ourselves and trying to make you were making really good money teaching other people couples and singles you know how to fall in love madly with themselves first fall in love with nature fall in love with the Divine masculine and feminine energies and then be able to be net producers of blissful peaceful loving energy that’s calming and reassuring to people who are still lost in their egos and it’s like the people who are going to encounter the most of the time lost are going to be lost in their egos and really just really filled with baggage that they don’t know how to deal with they don’t have very little if any skills to really consciously work through that material so that they can be in their Essence more often and more of the time and be giving and showing up with that loving Essence their own interactive entity’s is the true meaning of Namaste days to see the Divine reflected in another as it is within you so so weak yeah we spent quite a bit of very deep intensive devotional time together studying practicing the Arts healing each other inside and out you know and and then I would say we completed quite a bit of that work and then and then your you expressed your intention to start to pray in that more stable permanent monogamous or monogamish lifelong partner who would be fertile and would give you the option to create a family and and I’m totally supportive of that and then as you began to pursue you know potential start accepting applications you know again going on dating websites and whatnot. starting to seek out that that that one man that one man who with is perfectible let’s say if she is perfectible willing to be is perfectible and willing to be perfected based on tantric wise I mean lots of not was punishable by any kind of you know punitive legal structure per se but just lies more like the laws of physics where it’s like you know he puts create heaven on Earth let’s let’s dissolve hell on Earth by peacefully by creating heaven on Earth that’s kind of a you know and I’ve been working on these Notions of like he will fill the vacuum of love so that’s one not it’s not a a scriptural or a Judicial law it’s like a natural law or no law of how these Dynamics work so we can harmonize and design with these constants of you reversal law and get better results manifesting our truest desires when we are able to identify them so yeah we had always been clear it really I think what we got more and more clear how diverging our paths were you know we attempted for a time to it really make them well explore the synergies basically authentically honestly explore the synergies put together vision boards that you know work for both of us and and follow a path until you know things you know change and so we just left a very open and and and very adaptable to the moment and ultimately our futures have really diversion terms of what we both want and need and in what we’re being called to do and more and more as I realize I’m being called to be a ninja out there organizing in the in the pan sexual world and in the gay world and bringing Tantra there and devoting being of service there sexually emotionally you know in order to be part of the my own vision and prophecy to Perma fi and psychedelicized gay world like that’s you know something I’m called to do also more and more being called to create spiritual pornography and so more and more I realized it’s it’s too much to ask a person who wants to be more settled down to like be on board with that even if it’s a lot of could be a lot of fun it was just a different diverging paths and so as you said we didn’t break up because there was no cheating or lying or Madness or jealousy or possessiveness or obsessiveness anything like that there was a very graceful you know shift in energy as yet we’ve been able to sustain a sacred friendship and been able to support each other’s you no affection and it adoration needs whenever it’s appropriate given our configurations of other people so we have been living by those principles and we have been I think role-modeling a new and better and maybe in an ancient fight A Renewed sort of resurrected pathway is Friends helping friends stay fully loved so that as they go out into the sexual romantic Marketplace they’re not desperate or needy and therefore not making poor decisions and have the resilience and the strength and the the love reserves to let lower vibrational people Just Bounce right off like quicker and quicker without digging their meat Hooks and without causing using manipulative tactics to get somebody vulnerable and weekend so I’ve been you know psych if I know that you’re here for me in some capacity and you know I’m wherever I am for sure then we’re less acceptable and we can also support each other and as we’re going through drama with other people who were trying to initiate onto a path of higher conscious love and it’s not it’s pretty can get pretty gory and ugly and crazy and in sad sometimes and there’s you know there’s a glorious moments to share and there’s like horrific moments to share so that’s what we’re going to get into a little bit for a while here is kind of an update on like what we’ve been doing with our love lives since we were very focused very much exclusively on each other and then starting to Branch out and having some cycles that we’ve been through so anything so why don’t you start and share what have you how how is being countrified by the works I’ve run into your life make alter your course of action as you you know move forward in your love life oh well I actually just want to take a moment to say that I so admire your heart and your desire to beautify this planet we need more of you out there and it makes me love you even more and I will always support you and you always have the room with the queendom you know that and so just because I tend to like joke I joke around all the time and say that I’ve been brainwashed into monogamy because I didn’t know there were other options out there growing up and so it just feels the most comfortable for me because I think of it as something that’s that is sacred to me it feels a little bit more I just exclusive I don’t want to say exclusive I want to say it’s just special somehow but again that Speedo Me growing up with fairy tales and you know in the man and the woman and live happily ever after you know just the two of them they never include another guy named Bob or a girl named trophy or whoever heard you know so yeah so it became clear I believe in my first mushroom trip. I saw how we had no excuse me our first mushroom trip together so it became clear that I saw all of the other String Theory realities and it almost like look like branches of arms and legs coming off of me that each Direction and each action I took went down a different path of just spiraling little realities and I saw how we had the potential to become great healers together if we so choose and made all the right choices in that an alignment of that path and at the same time it meant soccer face and it wasn’t wrong I was just I could just see it so I had was detached from the emotion of this is my destiny it wasn’t like that it was just this is a possibility and that’s possibility and there you go and there’s another and you know you know Shust and it’s so I just I want the option to have a family I’m not 100% but I want the option to live with what I feel has been my whole life you know dream of meeting the prince charming and you know all of that I’m sorry I did Crest but anyway it’s just new tactics in new filters and although you we both know it’s kind of unrealistic yes here’s the thing about that is that I hear ago or two years ago I would have not forgot those answers correct and that’s for me and you know I know that there were tricky and I was not that open-minded and being an Aries it is a personality trait that we’re kind of controlling and possessive and I’ve been like that I’ve wanted to beat the guy to the punch and leave him before he left me hurt him before he’s hurt me and then I realized how you know. As functional that kind of thinking is and I stopped it but on autopilot I made a mess of my life and I went down the wrong path and I’ve learned from them and so I know that if I meet somebody that I have great chemistry with and I can see the best potential of them they don’t have to be at 9 today as long as they have the potential okay cat trying to get in the door he can open doors cuz I was saying I have the ability to meet someone and see the best potential them possible they can be a little overweight or underweight and I can look right through that attitude doesn’t deter me I I know what they’re capable of I know that if their mind frame is you know right and they’re willing to make the best of themselves and do you know if they’re willing to do things for me and I say and they’re logical and I say hey we need to take care of our Temple better are you I’m bored let’s make this fun do we need to have more sex or is sex going to be a treat after the jog up the mountain and you know that kind of thing so kind of interview someone and see whether you know they can be the best they can be worth their just you know not willing they’re not really but not willing I’m a lazy person to know judge have fun you know so my Adventures my episodes with dating have been a lot of phone interviews and then I I could tell whether the chemistry fizzled right away and then I didn’t need to invest any of either of our time into a meeting I met one Lebanese man handsome man a little overweight didn’t care you know no biggie I love to eat Taro you know here I was concerned because I didn’t know much about Lebanon about the culture and I was thinking oh that they were more of a I don’t know controlling male society and that women had less rights and so I really kind of grilled him about that and he told me that they spoil the women the men were very romantic and I told him why I’m an American woman and my ideas of a relationship might differ from yours and he assured me like oh I’m not controlling I would let you be you and you know he was successful in his business he had a business in the movie production I guess you would call it and then went to the chief Pacific but he was very successful and told me basically if you were my woman then I would fly around and you could do whatever you wanted and if you want to stay home you could and at everything on paper looks great and I thought if he is so in love with me that I could do whatever I wanted that I could build Gardens and use this money that obviously if there’s you know chemistry I would never condone myself or anybody using another person if there is not love their but I saw how he doted on me and I felt like there was some potential for you know a great relationship a great lover here and at the same time and this is just talking this is just you know meeting for a drink you know we we had plans to cook together I was talking to other men at the time and I lean toward another male and and I let him know right away I said you know I just feel more of a connection with this man he he just said I laughed more honestly it was just more of a cultural connection to that I whenever I was on the phone with him I laughed more at butterflies at all that and so I was honest with him right away and he was really upset he said basically he was hurt that he didn’t realize I was talking to anyone else I said that told me like that was a cultural difference of dating just because we had met and we spoke on the phone and exchanged you know texts you know maybe not even every day every other day he was said you know I can’t believe you’re talking to somebody else while you’re talking to me so I thought that was a real good yeah a red flag that I I bypass The Suitor number one and and his downfall despite his better qualities and everything and so will yeah feel free to be as elaborate as you want about these things cuz we’re going to identify the patterns and we’re going to help men who listen to this I mean every man who fails should catch up on all these podcast so he can do better next time that’s the whole point of what we’re doing because it’s the thing that asinine behavior of mostly men and we’ll get to the women’s part when I talk to her you know what I’ve been going through but and we’re not perfect either we have our shadows and we’re going to disclose our shadow material as we go along but yeah so let’s this is a teachable moment list let’s say that something that we’re discovering as we monitor your suitors behavior and your kind of running things by me as a filter soundboard for things that are happening like I’m noticing this tendency for guys to think that you know once they get in the race of sake you don’t show up it’s not like just because you get allowed to participate in the race doesn’t mean you get to like slash the tires of all the other cars that are there in the race and just because you get there you should like when the race because you got there and you maneuvered you know surreptitiously to put your competition out of business know what you should do is know that you’re in the running now you got picked up but you’re not the only contestant here so the thing to do is to if you’re smart like put some effort into suppressing your lower less presentable Tendencies like hyper possessiveness and trying to impose you know just having a to do you know of being butthurt and stuff it’s like this why I keep hearing it’s not the first one to to be behaving in a manner that is like really a turn off because you’re just trying to have fun with people let them know that they’re going to have to like spend some time becoming friends spend some time can you make it more than a few days or weeks or hopefully months without having an episode that makes me realize you’re just a little boy in there are learning about sex and that’s a very skewed you about what sex is what SEC should be and there’s something about that that needs to be changed not from what’s on the internet but to bring other people to to those kids education and part of part of that has to do with most of the sexual imagery that’s online is there for males and there’s not that much of a of sexual imagery that’s out there for females though it certainly there but people do have to be looking for it more and for many of the boys growing up who who see sex on the internet that’s what they often might see but that doesn’t mean that that’s what’s normal and they’re also places on the internet where they can get more love for Trails of how that can be done and whatever sex acts someone might be looking for or inquiring but another part of this which I don’t want to just let Slide by underdress has to do with your talkin about the girls responses to to the boys efforts to have sex and what they’re wanting and that has to do with what boys and girls and what adolescents grow up with about their own sexuality and what’s normal and what’s not normal and what’s okay and what’s not okay we’re still in a time when adolescents have the mindset that that boys should be the ones to initiate girl should not initiate and that puts all of the burden on on the boys and it sets up a dynamic between the boys and the girls wear and what kind of like you said the girls are saying we’ll all he wants is to have sex and he wants to have it this way well let’s start with you all he wants is to have sex part and so why isn’t there more of an equality between boys and girls where they’re both wanting to have sex and they’re both seeing sex as something positive from an early age because the alternative is that is too kind of demon eyes the boys for wanting to have sex and the girls aren’t really wanting sex they’re just wanting to be you loved and that is a whole dynamic between boys and girls between men and women that I think is really important part of all of these relationships that we need to take another look at I mean it was addressed many years ago in shortly in the psychological literature one of the people that was looking at that was Wilhelm right back in the 30s about the sex negative view that was in society and there’s much of that it’s still there we haven’t really gone all that far from that especially in compared to how we think we’ve come miles and miles but it’s really only a few feet right like you’re saying there’s so many unspoken hidden Frameworks that are not being addressed like you know when I was out to speak from experience when I was when I was a boy coming-of-age into my hormonal sexual self I was afraid to go up and write something on the chalkboard or point something out in the map because I had a tent pole in my pants cuz I was right turned on by the teacher or somebody else in the class and there was no masturbation room to go take care of myself at home or at school so we’re just not designing for this energy to flow through our cultures and you were living with the fear of being exposed as being a sexual person and being ridiculed for it in ways that girls never were but that’s the typical experience of grown-up mail and having that as a dynamic between males and females in that very tender. Of age right so you know we’ve got a few minutes left I really appreciate your insights and I think I’m at a point where I feel like the way to frame this discourse is that it’s pouring is not a Public Health crisis or public health hazard sexual holistic sexuality education is in the lack thereof is the Public Health crisis and see exactly more of the Public Health crisis is about sexual repression sexual oppression about teaching teaching people generally but especially teaching girls that sex is dirty and teaching girls that boys are bad for wanting to have sex then if everyone kind of grew up on an even playing field of seeing sex as positive seeing love is positive and being able to talk together about about those things to talk together about love to talk together about sex to talk together about what you want and what you don’t want and that’s okay we will be in a very different environment than we are today absolutely exactly so if there is to be a new political office of a quote horns are not to be confused with SmartStart sorry but a pornstar that person was to be open-minded enough to take some direction and possibly offer to hire you to consult what kinds of programs designed so you know just outlines you know big picture thinking you know if you were to be able to be respected for what you’re saying and it is a we want to address the issue of institutionalized sexual repression and so where do we begin to unravel that not this is just you know food for thought to redefine the title and take pouring out of the picture but it’s not about pouring it’s about sexuality and sexual acceptance and how can we how come you bring sexual acceptance into the public dialogue and into into the educational system and into into the kind of dialogue that parents have with your kids that that seems to me to be a big part of that role of Tsar though I don’t know that that’s the right term but to to change the language that we talked about these things so we’re not talking about about about it with sex negative sex by a sex pejorative kind of language that skews things from the get-go and set and sets us up to lose from the very start right statement sexual organ action is the product of sexual repression it’s going to come out and pouring it’s going to come out on prom night all of that pent-up frustrated aggressive certified you want to call it Satanic call it Satanic whatever you want to call but you can have to bring the light to the darkness and and get some help with that so I think the case is closed and I really what we’ve accomplished in this call setting some new terms for discourse and really putting the the family and the family therapist in the community and the school teachers more in a position of of leadership than political will litigation legislation and political offices so in terms of where you started is to encourage parents to know themselves to be honest with themselves to be honest with their own prejudices and biases to be honest with their own fears to be honest with their own misconceptions so that they don’t pass them along to kids and to be able to listen to kids more than they talk to kids and to be able to have a dialogue rather than a lecture with their kids and that changes the relationship between parents and kids and helps kids to grow and to feel accepted beautiful beautiful all right thank you dr. schub so much and if you want to give your contact information so people can start to seek your help sure you can find me at a doctor Carl’s Subs. Com that d r c a r l s h u b s or once drink.com and phone number is 310-772-0520 that’s local here in Beverly Hills great thank you so much have a wonderful day too you too thanks very much thank you for listening to the podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition to sustaining and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email event at Tantra Punk. Thomas Day