Coronavirus, Joan Rivers, and The Princess Bride TPP235

Play
Joan Rivers Reality Tv Show Permaculture Installation

In this episode I tell an epic survival romance story to commemorate victims of the coronavirus and urge folks to do their best to prepare for this and all threats to their survival…

Please listen to this episode for practical preparedness tips:
Basic Preparedness and the Prepping Pyramid TPP246

My (non-verbatim) Show Notes: 

2012 respected consultant on emergency and disaster preparedness and permaculture design

my partner and I landed a well paid gig for permaculture /preparedness survival make over for Joan Rivers’ Joan Know’s Best reality tv show, rest in piece, rest her soul, amazing important wise elder matriarch of the entertainment industry

honor and blessing to work very closely with her, for that day of shooting, brought out big stake truck, moved our chicken tractor, and mini pond, and mini herb spiral, faux backyard permaculture set up

there had been an earthquake in la, mild but enough to feel it, a few things fall of the wall, they might have captured footage of it during the reality tv show filming, the producers after that real earthquake said, we should actually do a subplot within an episode on disaster preparedness, what it would look like for Joan, daughter and grand son to do an emergency prep process

they had a scene showing they needed batteries for flash lights, doing intuitive inventory of what you need to survival, if there was a disruption of systems of support, critical services cut off, would you be able to render your own first aid, provide food water shelter clothing, they got footage of the family going through the motions seeing how unprepared they were

they went to an amazing local survival equipment wholesaler/retailer, it was like disney land for preppers, they were a company they supplied first aid kits, fire extinguishers, water storage tanks, tools, camping gear, I could go on, their catalog was like porn for me, you go in there and wish you could buy everything, just want to live there, if you were an employee and shit hit the fan you’d be stoked, they should have had guns though, maybe someone should establish a gun store right next door to defend it in a shift hit the fan

so I was living out this romance novel story out on this land, peak of a man’s love life, beautiful romance, crashed and burned in a very archetypal and mythical the arch of the whole relationships, set foot on her property to establish permaculture systems which she had wanted for years, just didn’t have the right person to help, there was an opportunity she put out to the spiritual community that she had this land and wanted to make it productive, I hit her up and said this is what I’ve been trained to do and I’d be happy just to have a place to pitch a tent

it was the end of 2011, lots of 2012 energy, wow if I could be bugged out on some land in the mountains where you’re tucked away in the wood lands, less zombie pressure, higher income bracket, going from where I was at the time, when I met her I had been doing an urban survival permaculture training center garden, I built on top of an parking lot at a big punk warehouse artist colony venue

I developed the rugged outdoor survival life style, in the middle of south central la, surrounded by gangs

I wasn’t trying to scam on her, wasn’t hitting on, it just kinda happened, I was attracted, I respected her, she was almost 20 years older, loved the heck out of her, we did beautiful things together

I was grateful to get the fuck out of the urban center, it was sweet spot, in the mountains, but sill close enough to the city to do gigs and stay in my band

but I wanted to live on the land focus on the land, first building my little camp, sproutables as stable food, I still have embarrassing footage of documenting the projects as they went along

as I got my camp established I started to make a masterpiece out of the land, did the permaculture design, set up composts, garden beds, earth works

this was my dream, that I had been cooped up literally in urban projects, now I got to have this giant canvas

I was filled with love and light, and at the peak of virility

I can’t help getting into the romance, we had this banter, it was quite charming

very much the as you wish, sweet wesley, princess butter cup, princess bride kinda thing she’s like a millionairess, owning her property, in a house that she built with her ex-husband, and with their ill-fated marriage and divorce left her with the house all to herself

a shamanic priestess in her own right, I was drawn for the ceremonial opportunities happening there

at one point she had been developing feelings for me, I begun my tantric path and was resolute in being open and non monogamous, doing long trial periods and setting up agreements where we put leases on each other’s bodies, not just permanent access, it’s gonna be metered out and we’re gonna hold true to contracts

that’s not the most romantic part of the story, sorry that’s my virgo, living and learning hard lessons of getting trapped in toxic relationship situations

she was thrilled to see her property come to life, thrilled clip fresh greens, harvest chicken eggs, she was a crack chef, holistic lavish parties

she was healing, in a cycle of healing with some issues that forced her to stop working, she was really actually, for me to come in there at a time where she had so much liquid capital for so many decades of her professional career, and I get there, having come out of the south central punk ghetto, having really figured out survival, minimalism, living outside, I had just come out of that sort of self imposed ranger school if you will, in some ways very extreme and comparable to that, in some ways I’m doing a disservice to ranger school graduates by saying that

I had seen of the colony reality show seasons, sophisticated social experiments, group of volunteers, strangers, with skill sets, put into social experiment of urban survival post disaster, constructed scenario, global pandemic outbreak, they were put into a survival theme park, they peppered in all these different tools and supplies and equipment, had to ration food, solar power, water purification, latrine, living quarters, defend perimeter, it was like a survival obstacle course staged by the producers, of course they hyped the sexual drama and politics, lots of stage, but overall done very well, really brought out patriarchal douche bag in one of the characters, they probably played it up but this guy played a real jerk, if they had a yogi there and they got that guy chilled the fuck out they would have been happier

I was fresh off the urban survival experience and watching the colony season, I wanted to put myself through that, the experience of deprivation, like a full time drill, I was on extremely tight budget, I was very very very poor financially, that was part of the drill, it made it all work

she was brought down to my level even though she owned property, the cost of heating that place, the water bill, commuting, family expenses, it was stress inducing, so for me to be able to come in there with very sophisticated simple and elegant techniques for living frugality, eating sprouts every night, and what I called ben feed, own trail mix, not paleo and bad for teeth and gut though, thought it was great that was no added sugar, but too much carb and dried fruit sugar, so not the best wisdom at that stage, but able to subsist

sprouting grains and legumes make them healthier, less toxic, less carbs

so between fresh chicken eggs every morning, fresh greens and herbs eventually fruits and some berries

I pretty much brought sustenance to her from my humble 5 gallon buckets and mylar bags, I was nourishing her and providing for her and at that everyday it was like farm boy fetch me a bowl of sprouts, as you wish

it led to a moment where she was commiserating with a couple of fellow elder priestesses about her empty love life, and I walk by them, when they saw me and they heard her talking about her woes, they said that’s your man, he’s right here on your doorstep

when we sat together and talked love the first time, I said, something to the effect that I’m like a reference book at the library, you have to share me

another thing she said was that she did test me though, there was an epic project that had to be and I knocked it out for her, and that was part of it too

also she said she fell in love with me when she saw me leading a group of other men repairing her teepee,

she seemed to have been sniffing out the alpha pheromone, though I’m not overtly alpha in terms of being agro or competitive

I felt it for her and she felt it for me, and it was negotiated to be openish, we had a sacred contract ultimately for a period of months of monogamy

we were successful, she was the sales and marketing and spokes model and I was the inventor, builder, introverted, designer, not people person

she was extraverted, our videos still exist where you can see how charming she is

it was the peak of our romance and success together, me building my wares and her selling them, legally registered by new cottage food law

cottage food paradigm shift

we were one of the first, we were rockin, had permaculture workshops, I was in the process of starting an officially recognized permaculture design course with a novel at-your-own-pace format for low income people

we had meet ups, workshops, other instructors coming in, weddings, we sold 150 amaranth seedlings to a wedding production as wedding gifts to all the attendees, can’t imagine how prolific those plants have been, amaranth is my spirit plant

glorious achievements, romance novel come to life

we started going to classes at that survival equipment store, I got my first aid training there, we went there together

we also did the cert training at the local fire station together

we were getting into tactical permaculture, vision of creating seed pellets to be used in airsoft guns so that you would know by what was planted where the kill zones were, better avoid where all the wild flowers were clustered

we had a legitimate, top tier tactical training marksman involved with the project, we started to draft out the ultimately survival permaculture tactical theme park design, motes, edible perimeter defense like sugar cane, blackberries, imagine stick fighting training with sugar cane, or chewing on your night stick while being a warrior defending your goddess temple community, sugar cane staff, for a bit of extra blood sugar if you need to run or fight, imagination runing wild, but it was starting to happen, archery, martial arts training gear, kicking post in the office, talk about warrior goddess temple, permaculture goddess temple, the whole 9 yards, a lot of people have beautiful memories of the time as well, it was epic

so we had started to work with the survival store, and one of our sex magic rituals yielded the mascot of the brand I had established years ago

she had to reel me in and tone done my zombie apocalypse rhetoric, she advised some re-edits on my basic preparedness manual to take out the zombie talk, smoothed out the edges so she could see to other high class soccer moms

I rebranded a more family friendly business card, and the survival store had the business card on their bulletin board, her handy work of getting the business card out to people

so the Joan River’s production crew searched for survival training, found the store, went there and asked if they do home consulting/installation, I believe they said no, but oh here’s this business card from those nice friendly homesteader folks that shop here and trainer here, so they gave the production staff the business card

we got a call, I didn’t even know who Joan River’s was, I think she got the call, and she seemed keyed up, of course Joan has a big place in my heart since space balls, but I didn’t know her name

she was like hey they want to pay us to do this thing on the show, there were some things they were pushing on that I thought would be poor representation, I was worried that we’d be made fun of, make a joke of, and my colleagues would tear me apart of I miss represented the art and science to the masses, preppers and permies can be pretty vicious in terms of political correctness, and one-upmanship, ego bullshit,

but I decided to go along with it, nothing was a huge violation of the principles and science, one thing I really didn’t like but let it slide

I don’t think I’ll burn in hell for selling out

the shoot went well, the chemistry was great, we lucked out, because it was 50/50 if we were gonna be the laughing stock, if you’re Joan Rivers’ laughing stock and she’s gonna bully you mercilessly with her lines, you’d have to have thick skin, I expected since were the crazy wingnut survival freaks, doing this backyard makeover

ultimately it worked out well, in our favor, because the whole series was that Joan had moved in with her daughter to drive her crazy and try to control her life with her humor and divaness, that was the premise of the whole show

it worked in our favor because Joan was authentically on board with us, she got it, she asked about our backgrounds, I said I’ve been a survivalist since I was on the street as a young teenager, saw dark things and had to learn to survive

and my partner grew up more holistic, ranch, rustic, agricultural life, farmer relatives, americana

we clicked so Joan even said you look good together, the most golden compliment you can ever get, what can’t you do if you can impress Joan river’s visually that was a huge compliment all thought one of her staff thought I was my partner’s son, lots of funny moments

they have a whole day of footage and only use a few minutes

so joan hires us to do the consultation and backyard make over and she’s thrilled and gung ho to have us appear to be tearing up the lawn, we’re going to be growing vines all over the place, build a chicken run, turn the pool into a living edible natural pond and fish farm, and so the great thing was that joan was totally on board with everything and stoked and gung ho, and the antagonism was with her daughter

the lines that joan said I couldn’t have paid her a trillion dollars to say, about when the shit hits the fan the neighbors are gonna be lined up down the block to get my eggs, we’re gonna be sustainable, and she was sincere, she was old enough to have a clue about self sufficiency and hard times

it was a beautiful experience, here we are now years later, 8 years later, no longer in that relationship, no longer on the property, I can only hope since we parted was in a pretty ugly meltdown, I love to hope we’d be able to not rekindle but reminisce on what was mostly good

it was pretty acute collapse at the very end after wild success in love and business and the sky being the limit, if what we did for joan rivers was good enough for her even as a joke that’s a pretty good endorsement, we did we teach for the local government emergency committees

got a business loan, we had a mascot, a brand, we were selling buckets of survival food, sprouting kits, trainings, its damn shame, it all comes down to monogapathic behavior, she could follow the letters of our agreement which gave me freedom to be a healer

I told her I was gonna be a yoni worshiper and healer and that’s my path and training before we met, and you’re gonna have to come to terms with that, it doesn’t mean that I’m even that I’m having sex with anyone I may be touching people they may be touching me, that’s where I really fine tuned my deal with women, looking at what are the actually permanent irreversible risks to having an open relationship, incurable stis, sexually transmitted infections, that’s the only permanent way of affecting negatively a primary partner that you have, you’ll heal a broken heart, you’ll get over feeling upstaged and deprioritized, if there’s longevity and strength and security in the relationship, everything else that’s emotional you’ll heal from even it seems so traumatic, what you can’t escape from is incurable stis, to me I say, my deal is like look what we have to design around is that one thing and we can have our hearts open as wide as we want, and our legs spread and our pants off, to the world of everyone else, as long as we understand and acknowledge that how much faith do we really place in just using condoms, do we have boundaries around outercourse, or dry sex, or non fluid bonded sex, there’s ways to intelligently avoid the risk of stis, I know this breaks some hearts, and there were times when I was not willing to reciprocate this in my younger life, but by then I had realized the beauty and the nourishment of a diverse sexual, romantic, and sensual cornucopia of lovers, and patients and clients for healing, and friends, and the idea that would sacrifice all of that to keep one person from losing their mind, it was a horrific melt down of her feeling like she was losing me and losing control of me, I take full responsibility for what I did that was inappropriate, immature, not of high moral character in the process of how this went down,

we would still be friends, we would still together I would still be on that land, still be taking care of the trees I planted, all the life I brought to that land, I would still be stewarding that and would still be in her words the man of the land and we’d still be living happily ever after

I was showing her through my permitted actions what I needed to be happy, fulfilled, and doing my dharma

it came down to one moment that really shifted for me when I started to really branch out, it wasn’t because I was bored with her or sick of her

there was a video that was shot, my experience of modeling for a camera to do tantric session work with a total stranger to me in that day, when I saw myself in that footage, I’m not vane at all I have the least vanity about my appears, I feel unphotogenic, and as JS said, I have a face made for radio,

its not just oh im shy about it, I really break the lens from a lot of angles and I know that, I design my content with that in mind, its not like oh I need to be a star now but when I saw the video, tantra for couples using the five sense

I saw the energy, the level of focus, such a fan of Jean Claude Van Damme, loved his controlled, metered, measured, self contained manner, from spiritual practice and martial arts practice, the refined shiva healing energy you could see it in the grace of my movements

I may not be a 10 on the surface, with big muscles, perfect teeth, perfect smile, photogenic, a-list actor material, that didn’t matter, I could consider myself a 6 on the surface and what was beneath the surface was resonating and emanating so beautifully to my soul, I can really do this work and have it be really compelling, this really does confirm that this is my calling and my path, and remain open

I’ve never cheated, I’ve prenegotiated or precommunicated my intentions, ended one relationship before having sex with a new person, I’ve cheated emotionally if you want to use that dirty word that id on’t like at all, I’ve indulged myself in pleasures with other people emotionally that I didn’t communicate or invite my current primary partner to be a part of and for them to wonder about that was painful for them, still not technically a cheater, I have not hooked up with someone and had sexual intercourse with them without previously ended the relationship before them, I have that gold star on my shoulder for not being a cheater,

but she was not gonna go by the original agreements that we had even though I was not willing to renew the sacred contract, she could have had her take and ate it too, it was just really sad, if she would have been able to share tiny slices of the cake with the understanding that I would not be jeopardizing her health, and that I could have the discipline either not to do anything that could involve transmission of stis, or have barriers, or have testing done, there’s just so many ways that you can navigate that one ultimate deal breaker and there was just no negotiation whatsoever, so it melted down in a very rapid and ugly manner, maybe some day she’ll be on the podcast to ball break me back on that

it was a power couple par excellence, we were doing business together, living together happily, it was really tragic and sad that that happened, I guess this was the time for that story to come out, its relevant to current events because that was the peak of me teaching survival and preparedness, obviously I haven’t stopped living that way since I left, I’ve always maintained ample food, water supplies, first aid, kept healthy and fit, glued to the news, evacuation routes, positioned advantageous in terms of zombies, my career path collapsed losing that space, I still sold some supplies and kits, it really stopped when I had the sexual shamanic spiritual emergency, all that is to say it’s been 8 years since I was at that peak and I have done my solo survival, haven’t been imposing it on people either, roomates, that don’t give a fuck thinks you’re paranoid, every prepper knows what that feels like, family, co-workers, getting people on board its painful for everybody, and it takes those moments of oh there was an earthquake oh shit who do we call, now its time to take him seriously

it’s like you’re crazy paranoid prepper until one moment when the lights go out or there’s a tremor then I’m the savor, whatever, honestly we are like ambulance chasers, its like oh now you’re ready okay what do you have to put on the table, how much money will you put towards buffering this for next time, because it could be the next one big time

so anyone paying attention to the coronavirus outbreak, it will have an official name soon, exposing corruption in government response, digital quarantines, limited by gps, apocalypse 2.0 its crazy, studying this, trying to be ahead of it, maybe I’ll be one of the first to go, you never know, you could be the strongest person, with muscle, and twist an ankle and die in 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food, 3 months without love

those are your enemies and that is the battlefield, those time frames of conditions that can kill you so I could go at any time, all of my preps could be nullified by anything

but I have done my homework and due diligence, to have a clue and be woke about this stuff

now is the time for people who are having that acute moment of waking up to the vulnerability and all of our taken for granted, normalcy bias, it can’t happen to me

still cognitive dissonance around this virus, I don’t have the medical knowledge to have a strong opinion or a lot of facts to back up any claims about how scared anyone should be where ever they are, I know the places in the world where this is being taken very seriously, that is the sci apcalyptic experience, where everything that preppers do to be ready to either quarantine themselves, or escape the quarantine but do it ethically and go somewhere where you will be ethically quarantining yourself, but to be rounded up in camps is the preppers last, that is the ultimate thing to avoid, you’re subject to rape, search and seizure, being exposed to the virus, exposed to risk of incarceration if you resist or don’t comply, state’s measures are very corrupt

chinese doctor tried to alarm officials of the virus, is now dead of the virus, and was forced by police to sign some fake confession that he was fraudulently alarming the public

there’s been all kinds of fuckery in every country around these kinds of things

I’m not telling anyone to panic, it’s just for me, the modifications that I will make to my lifestyle are pretty minimal because I try to stay away from crowds anyway, I try to do more fist bumps than hand shakes, and when I hear some body snivel or cough I got into a controlled, germaphobic, hypochondriac high alert mode, of don’t touch your face, you can scratch your eye with your knuckle, your knuckle doesn’t touch door knobs, and when you cough and sneeze you can do it in your elbow

I’m not giving medical advice, for myself I look at this and go okay this is cycle of opportunity for me to preach and teach about basic preparedness, I guess what I will do to not be too heavy handed, I’ll put a link in the show notes to the podcast episode I did where I read that basic preparedness manual that has pretty much all of the fundamental procedural building blocks of how you can be better prepared for anything, when the shit hit’s your fan , not the fan

job loss, injury, cut off from income, its not just end of the world event that’s going to force you to institute your procedure and protocols for preparedness It could be something simple

it’s not gonna become the zombie apocalypse show, but it’s the right time to tell that story, so many mythical moments, I loved that woman, I loved that land, for a farm boy like me, that’s as good as it gets, it’s a damn shame the way it went down, but if I’m 80 years old in rocking chair and people ask me what some of the peaks of my life were, I’ll be like well, I’ll tell you story next time there’s a little tiny earthquake that makes you want to prepare for the next one, or next time there’s an outbreak I ‘ve got a story for you, this will be the story I tell

survival and preparedness getting back to the land it can be romantic it can be beautiful it can only get more polyamorous, it can only get less monogapathic, but for all intents and purposes if it was good enough for joan rivers, hopefully what I’m saying is good enough for you, to want to say yeah, what am I gonna wipe my ass with if there’s not a sycamore tree near by and I’m out of toilet paper, how am I going to look at ways to improve and enhance the number of gallons of water that I’m storing on site because a gallon per person for day is a low estimate of what you’d want to have if you were cut off from the main, or the main supply is contaminated, I think it’s worth it to take this moment to really figure out what strategies you may need to have in place

if martial law at any scale or you could just by happenstance, they’re quarantining people now all over the world, different directness of exposure to this virus, for all I know, for all you know, we could find out tomorrow that you were in a place where somebody had a confirmed case, then you’d get a knock on your door, and get taken away, don’t quote me, I’m not making official public service announcements, I take this very seriously, I ain’t going out like that if I can help

like everything else, it too shall pass, but even if it doesn’t graze your life and doesn’t put a dent in your routine, it’s a moment to commemorate

how often do you put yourself through the meditation of lights out, food supply cut off, income cut off, possibly being injured, possibly being infected, being affected by a war zone, unexpected disruptions in all that you take for granted on a daily basis

if you meditate on the vedic pantheon, you should also meditate on shitting hitting the fan, and shit hitting your fan

there was a guy who was the closest thing to a purple breathing hippie yoga master tantric on the survival podcast

there’s an anti-woo-woo bias, as you can imagine by the more conservative, libertarian, and to some extent more christian ranks of the survival movement, yet there is this interesting interplay of the bush hippie and jar head, the bromance, I’m in that dance

but there was this hardcore survivalist prepper yogi on the survival podcast, I’ll be reaching out to that guy

this coronavirus is a catalyst to do your drills, check your inventory, audit your physical preps and your plans, your protocols and procedures, and just be ready for things to get possibly worse, because of this virus or any other viruses, this is just another not so friendly reminder, goddess bless all the souls who’ve already passed from this virus, and let’s do our best not to join them in the big fema camp in the sky

namaste