In this episode I’m joined by prominent sex blogger Courtney Cleman who has co-developed a compelling approach to confronting monsters in the bedroom. She goes over a list of negative self-limiting attitudes, behaviors, and habits that overshadow many love lives in the modern world. We have a great time comparing notes and connecting dots to reveal how a lot of the sexual insecurities and vulnerabilities of women actually apply to men as well.
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design and ever more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin I want their beloveds welcome to Township on podcast episode number 113 I’m here with Courtney kleeman the co-founder of Kate and Courtney it’s a Blog all about sexual empowerment for women and three much for everybody to explore sexuality education in a new and modern way and they’re also going to be starting up some in person and built such a sex education coaching work in New York soon and so we’re going to hear all about the story of how they blast them together into this form into the media space and also was planning for the future so if you would Courtney please said give us a bit of background and how you what led you to this pass Highland thanks so much I’m Courtney and I’m very excited to participate in the founder of Kate and Courtney and where in New York City law say at this point and I’m late summer this year and started because my business partner and your friends cheat and I looked around and we thought women Dorothy Day have a lot of issues going on a long time and you know it’s just not very very sad and we think there’s a real job in sex education for adults and personally decayed and me we believe that the foundation of happiness is really not typically good at having intimacy with strong and long-lasting so how about them with signs Bay practical real-world advice on how to enjoy sex enjoy intimacy parlay that into a long-lasting happy relationship if that’s what you want and if you want something and be free with yourself because you know about an orgasm it’s pretty much the big the best medicine you can buy for so many reasons thank you so much for doing that important work I’m definitely more finding myself in the alternative on the alternate spectrum and there’s kind of a tenancy amongst people who are more biggest poly or or her open to sort of get build a really positional kind of space where it’s it’s it is almost over or projection on the people who want to sustain long-term monogamous pair-bonded relationships and it’s it’s kind of a false dichotomy you don’t have to be in Warren camps of the transit the old Paradigm in the new paradigm where it’s just there’s a lot of binary thinking still that I’ve come across so I’m I’m I’m very interested to hear more about how you’re helping more I don’t want to see traditional but we could just call it just couples. You know couples that’s two people and they’re making a living together to sharing space usually coconut levitating and possibly building families and there’s a lot of challenges for that so what are some skill sets that you have found most useful in in helping equip couples move is to sexually and with their communication and in other other intimacy type of skills is a long-lasting relationship it doesn’t have to be monogamous actually it’s really what you’ll flavor of happiness in a relationship is their own set of issues but whether you are in a polyamorous relationship relationship to talk about we have the same key Concepts and then issues with intimacy you are article monsters in the bed and the most intriguing what I want to take Explorer with you you yeah definitely is that how we can resolve deeper wounds and traumas and conflicts in a conscious manner through sexual play and release and all that energy work exactly you know everybody has past experiences and all of us have some negative experiences does ideas and beliefs and and so we will we all have our flavor of issues with the article actually talked about and what you were just asked me about it common problems people have a common problem is with all his stuff orgasm people have a lot of issues about how do they work at they feel like it takes too long maybe maybe they only can orgasm I’m in 30 passes on to the partner so that the entire experience gets so that’s that’s something we talked to a lot of people about and really our message is there is no right way to orgasm and of course we can show you a lot of picnics how to great so do you want to come out line that article a bit or are we just going to mention the title but I would love to to have you you know share some of that and definitely get people excited about reading the whole thing but just kind of some some highlights from it will be great to talk to a lot of people on Cade has the first one is the orgasm images of a lot of women are and you really have to be in the moment and Body Image definition of small detail same way in fact I mean if you bring your energy bill if you just said and done to stay that way but that it’s important and get over the body and then I think it impact men and women equally and you know there’s a lot of research on that but ultimately you just have to be confident that you’re confident shut the bleep terrible insect I mean I’m not even sure that it said but we can definitely talk a lot more that’s hardest year for the little lighter there from past experiences with a lot of people have trust issues I’m in a very difficult to enjoy sexual experience if you don’t trust another person because is all about your vulnerable and being able to be letting call if you don’t trust it not possible that you guys are important creature creature is the bag I don’t want to go down on you and then you think everyone is going to but it is being out in the moment And1 hang up and ask negatively impact your ability stop in Tennessee weather yeah me too it seems it seems like they are all vying for power in in the moment sort of rotating between each other or they’re fighting each other to get the key to get in the cockpit of a consciousness of of the person you know if you have body image issues and will be very difficult to orgasm because you’re you’re thinking about your butt or something like that right so what are some of what what is some of the facts that you can come up with in a year is come from and I really do some cell therapy and convince yourself that it it doesn’t matter if it’s okay if you are perfect unless something hurt unless you really have physical pain on motion of pain you are perfect so I think it’s about doing the talking to people absolutely learn how to do this thing. If you have questions about passed on trying to conquer called what layer is it kind of getting in the way of us being happy and address it appropriately and you know Jerry Rice stats well you know something is coming to me is that the body is the body image issues usually it’s at 6 I guess it’s expected that a woman is going to be self-conscious about her body type shape color except for a visa fee whatever is in Vogue in the trans of modeling in music videos of what I’ve seen critiques and studies of the the time sort of a time lapse or a flipbook kind of experience what was considered x-rated almost going back to the earliest forms of Photography and it really started with the ankle and they were using ankles to advertise products in Richard Eight is Enough thank you for pretty well aware that in let’s say if I’m getting this right medieval times or in in previous errors with in Western culture it was sexualized to be voluptuous because that was a symbol of wealth and abundance financially where is if you were too thick thin that meant that you were emaciated and starving and therefore where have the lower class so it was completely inverted and then now I would say recently the rise of non-white new music artist let’s say to keep it pretty bride has his a new hourglass Renaissance that isn’t about course it’s actually about genetics and in only certain people women have The Hourglass genetics so there’s a market for butt implants and it’s just such a moving car and so much money is being made but I bet that’s all kind of say that you would have to be living under a rock not to see these the how you list leads to all kinds of body dysmorphic disorder is and you know the classic eating disorders and then now where where to put the implants and measuring yourself against all these things so that’s that’s pretty well-established for women but doesn’t get talked about probably as much as hell if you’re if you’re a man and you were tall and lanky or short and stocky and you don’t have a certain range of proportionality of your rib cage to your neckline to your the symmetry of your facial bones and all the ways things that would make you a Ken doll or whatever one of the action heroes or also a whole other obviously Marketplace for that but you how do you deal with men who have forms of real story about whether or not they have washboard abs or whether or not you know they’re there was light you know can you bring up a grade point because body image issues actually in popular men and women almost equally I just think that women are more likely there’s just more it’s more, maybe we’ll talk about how it impacts women and you know women are more likely to talk about it and it’s very Troublesome and actually they’re absolutely a lot of men taking a lot of a certain way and it’s you know it’s a vicious cycle right it’s really vicious cycle because you’ll all you will always be chasing the certain body type I’m trying to talk it out I’ll try to read about it and really realizing that it is not something you can never chase and it’s really by you energy and confident that’s what makes you sexy and that’s what that’s What Makes You popular and that’s what makes people gravitate towards you at all the time right with you having a pretty unsuccessful love life and it just tells you that it’s not about Judy but you know where is magazine some pictures and of course otherwise we’re just going to be chasing you know chasing something unattainable I need to see a lot of people do that relationship there in Tennessee and you know it and you know what you help that but it takes a little bit of time it’s not it’s not just one conversation usually well yeah this is deep study I definitely want to spend the time on this end and was something that came to mind for me was just this I think it was in the early 90s hit we came out it was a film called singles and it was based in the East remember that it wasn’t it was like the Seattle music scene kind of think of the grass area in and they had all these different people who were living in the same apartment building and some of them were sort of hooking up and phasing in and out of things and always different character archetypes for love and relationship said and it was genius I I feel and there was there was one line that comes to mind is app for this conversation which is when there’s a whole story there’s a hoe separate 7 storyline of one of the one of the women feeling like she had two smaller breasts and so she went to go and see around house the doctor said no you’re perfect the way you are and you know this guy is he mr. Ryder mr. maybe and maybe you know you should accept yourself as you are and and I was feeling any soccer transform one of the things that happened that was revealing was it to her Rock rocker boyfriend and his name I think it was Matt Dillon bachelor’s Nigella that’s right she said she asked him when he had all these hourglass Amazon Women posters all over his walls and she would just see them feel dwarfed and insecure in an inadequate and so she actually asked him on my breast too small for you and he gave her an honest answer and said sometimes and yeah it was comedic moment cuz he was kind of built that he was meant to be, no fish. Not not so much a douchebag and his own world and not turned into seeing check for sensitive but if I I could say that I’ve experienced the same bias from the other direction but you said are my muscles big enough for you and the answer is sometimes you know so it’s interesting how that you’re working on it makes me feel that if there is too if there is a dynamic that was spoken about but it’s it’s somewhat it could be equal then what was the harm in okay you get to have a Chippendale stripper for your birthday and I get to have a Playboy bunny stripper for my birthday and that outlet is that something that you could have come across this allowing couples to you know fill in the gaps in ways that are healthy and not don’t involve dishonesty or cheating absolutely absolutely people should have a safe and honest relationship now absolutely to them some couples having an orgasm there’s no right way to do it as long as it stays and I believe it’s actually becoming more and more common to have a more open relationship make it easier to meet people enjoy coming back to stay together for a long time because you are absolutely true and honest and we tend to be very embarrassed about it and this is one of the reasons why because we make people happy or whatever your Flavor of Love infection so yes if you want to enjoy things yesterday I definitely Korean so this is would be a paradigm shift for most people to the unspoken assumption is that once you make a commitment to be in a relationship then fruit for most people the way we were literally programmed is that what that commitment means is that I will no longer fantasize pursue think about desire anyone other than you and if I do it’s just it’s breaking our commitment it’s being it’s it’s the form of infidelity even if you’re not married but that’s sort of the standard narrative about it but what what it could be in sin still actually support in a firm couples I think the swingers have been research about how swingers swinging for example as you live longer and your relationships your primary last longer because a year or more if you’re going out and meeting new people and being sexually adventurous with new people you’re going to stay fit you’re going to not just let yourself grow you know and text so I’m taking I’m just let myself go cuz they’re stuck with me and nuts bad habits that can happen when you give up when you stop trying to impress people so that that’s one dimension of it and then I couldn’t agree with you more I couldn’t agree with you more and you know they’ve been numerous studies done about having a support having Social Circle having a support system having a big part of something highly correlated to how long you live so this is your group if you were part of this group and absolutely asked to your house because you are you know what pack animals with I couldn’t agree more right on well yeah this is this is good so it’s whatever is hearing this and is feeling stuck or limited it doesn’t that you don’t have to make the most extreme your shifts right away but just to be able to say no here’s what I feel inadequate about I mean there’s women who I wish I could say to them is it really because you want me to be more muscular cuz I can go do that or week I’ll find a wingman who’s more muscular but we have such an important part connection white white white give that up and then you’re going to complain to me later about how you’re you’re you’re in the cycle of dating bad boy douchebags who fuck you over and he likes it or not so nice guy problems department and I’m trying to sell this while we’re at locate and I are huge fans of nice of nice guys that when people say I want this. Of the other and it has to do with something something superficial it’s an ultimately communication actually resolve everything so I told me think about it shut up I’m in everybody fantasizes everyone has their personal desires every single person in the world if you need with respect to their sexuality what time is the mine which one is the law how hard they wanted everyone is unique and thinking that he fantasizing about someone else it’s just get around that it’s very sexy Beyond somebody really muscular turns you on and sharing this experience and think about what turns you on the most important thing is actually setting up ground rules you really want to discuss everything I everything that comes to mind frequency what would be your relationship with those people where do you meet them how do you meet them everything should be in the open and of course you may not be able to chill you know you can create your own that you’ve all but if it’s really about communication is open and you can explore meeting new people together Again Sports and you can share experiences because you really have you know you are a team that has the life that would be my best advice okay and some experience with them when talking to people about this topic you know I totally different wavelengths with all this said I feel that at the individuals are so deeply fractured and wounded by modern society and all of its ways of penetrating our self-image with media it’s it’s whether you’ve been sexually abused or sexually missed you use whatever degrees along the life pastors there’s just a I feel like there’s a need to create Sexual Healing Fellowship amongst groups of people will wear where we really really give size kind of eccentric waves of thinking where you know I see that when two people are alone together trying to get each other off it’s kind of like pressing the gas in a break at the same time and worship worship rotating alternating pattern that is kind of a energetic circuitry if you will select electrical engineering if you want to if you want to have maximum energy purifying the chakra system than one person or the receiver fully relaxes and The Giver or givers preferably in my opinion Focus all their energy on on bathing in hydraulic Lee pressurizing and helping to for her person to purge out all of that baggage sold those bedroom monsters and then begin to know themselves at a level of their Essence in their higher self that doesn’t really usually get Explorer to receive when people are in orgasm race just the two of them and neglecting so many erogenous zones that you would need 12 hands to cover just the most basic human or not to mention the ones that are very idiosyncratic where it could be a tone of voice tone or word or a song I mean or something if you were to design a sensual erotic healing empowering ritual for a person you need more than one other person to do it to maximum capacity so I’m sort of becoming a marketing engine or this public service living breathing public service announcement that we’ve got to socialize sexual sex sex care like healthcare butt sex care and it’s got to be a team sport and that the results is my experimentations with with this approach have been so profound that I just never want to go back to that what feels like a really kind of simple ways to get a bigger flame and but there’s also more drama and it’s more personalities so if it’s that the interesting thing about the time designing a sacred ceremonial ritual you know procedure is that people kind of other roles to play and it’s and if you’re if you’re making a cedar of orgasmic pleasure for somebody who is the receiver of the devotional energy then there’s not a lot of sloppiness and there’s not a lot of oh my this is like that third wheel or the Unicorn as a lot of those issues when you just have sex parties that aren’t really there not really pretty according to a rotational principles over or like a is a certain Symmetry and clock we’re in and just a beauty of a de Mando way of doing things energetically so it’s kind of a mouthful but I would say it’s I think it’ll be an ideal to strive for more than just how to please your man you know and yeah that’s the way to do that but what if what if a woman comes the hardest watching her man gets fucked by three guys to see how do you say okay then ask them what your wildest fantasy is and helps them and Safeway HR classes in late summer we’re going to have that as part of our classes because I feeling all your senses and most to the north of us. list of all the Santas an important that it just gets deeper and for people who are bored so that’s something that you mentioned early on was said that there’s just a you know a couple of state do they have children that get bogged down in daily life and just multitasking and there’s less time and there’s less space if you’re so this expensive virtual experience specially when you’re applying energy towards your goals and you have a bigger Mission then it never gets boring because you’re always you’re always a directing it towards your goals and your your personal development do you want to talk about how some of what you were what are you doing to help people get over the the the boredom and the just a routine miss that comes with knowing each other and just sort of stopping it at a shallow level of physicality and boredom sucks and it’s just it’s just natural and then I’ll have a gold shield sex position and when he will have sex with one person only you typically go to the you just go to those people eating food with having sex and figuring out how to tell if this is what I wanted to bring you things then that’s it could be sex toys that could be sex position from places to have sex at that you want but it’s really just an open mind and doing your thing otherwise it’s like everything else thank Estelle and we talked to a lot of people enjoy successfully it’s amazing how easy to get people are much more open-minded and accepting when it comes to feel each other’s hands when they come to class when you talk to someone who just like a long long long time we’re just young people oh and I was going to say and I’m sure you see that when people explore whatever Lifestyle the Explorer it’s just one day for it when they get to do what they really fantasize about what makes it sound wonderful I’m so glad you’re doing if you want to talk about your offerings more and exactly you know how how you would like people to connect with you and will you have coming up and then any other words of advice that it’s really been a pleasure to get synapse formation into to compare notes yeah I know we are New York City based on the website is Cade and courtney.com and we have Janelle we’re have articles and all sorts of traffic you could would love to hear from you and will we can. We can talk to you privately or we can run out and we’ll open up open up around midnight and we’re going to have classes for for people who are dating for trying to establish a relationship established just to learn how to orgasm how do you how what are the different ways how you can orgasm because there’s so much more than one if it is so much more than just a clitoral orgasm about male orgasm and pleasured and will need that you should you should absolutely hair and try to catch your partner but also enjoy yourself and so are classified balance and you know this is what you could do for filling experience beautiful thank you so much yeah well, I’m looking forward to continuing to catch up on your block and we will be in touch again weather for Texan Ranch Brandon Boyd over here to help people and answer questions then to you know wishing everyone a wonderful love whatever whatever you want to do beautiful all right thank you so much you have a great night. Calm and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and improving the podcast your donations will help establish permaculture goddess temples every bite illogical employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email bad by Tasha Punk. Com Thomas gay