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In this episode I share an important announcement that I’ve fallen in love with a land project and will be living the dream of romance with the wilderness
My Non-Verbatim Show Notes:
working on a land project
from now on daily reports, maybe stack them up if their short
my state of nature to be in the hills, the forest, the trees
most actualized life chapters, where I’ve been blessed to serve gaia and some sort of wealthier than me matriarch of a peace of property
there’s often been a romance novel cover mystique going on
i’ve been an ecological gigolo to some extent, luckily not the situation now
hasn’t always worked out the best
now clearing up karma, and maturing, and growing up stuff, more aware of red flags
in twilight of 30s feeling, this is the next best chapter
peaks and valleys of life
peaks when out there, feeling free, devotion to nature spirits, deep listening to the will of the ancestors of the land
i’m a paint brush for the land, soil repair, soil building, interdimensional source of healing, being a bandage on the land
in harmony with the human needs, the land needs, the soil needs,
social permaculture design, dabbling feng shui,
i really feel the energy flows when there is order brought to the disorder
the disorder of junk and clutter and generations agricultural paradigm shifting, so many different hazards, and decaying and rotting materials, really becomes a meditation to keep the surface of your skin intact, when you’re harvesting scavenged materials, when you’re gathering and macguevering, and a-teaming up a design
beautiful multidimensional, fully immersive art project, those are the peaks
the valleys are the times when i have to do the daily grind in the city, which i have been doing, almost full time, mostly urban permaculture installation work with various crews, in that sense morale is always dragging, its great to have solidarity, working for clients, seeing the transformation, flipping lawns to gardens
nudging the paradigm slowly, being the flagship project in suburban neighborhoods, it’s fulfilling and rewarding, more than most jobs
been blessed to work with super flexible and gracious teams,
understanding of LA traffic and respect for need for autonomy
crews have been so grateful for my help, and flexible with my schedule
installing drought tolerant native plants, sculpting land for rainwater catchment, all different techniques applied to make a site more sustainable, but at the end of the day, we’re still installing pvc, still using toxic glue that kills your brain, there’s this juxtaposition of the conventional paradigm, and the ancient futuristic permaculture paradigm, i strongly dislike to be such a purist radical, but i want to be doing this work and this play and this art in a more taoistic sense, not treading so hard on the earth, not just blazing in, what’s expected as contractors,
the hustle, the life of the contractor, cheep beer, nightly ejaculation, coffee every day, junk food
i want to be the barefoot gardener, who listens to the plant, doesn’t use any toxic material, re-use materials on site, an artisan approach
it’s a huge luxury because few people want to pay for workers to work slow
being a worker, whether your boss is an angel or demon, i’ve been very blessed
but it kills my soul not to be working for myself
at the end of every day you’re back to square one, making very little progress on your own property or your own garden
it’s draining and demoralizing
i’ve been very frugal, so that i can save and hodl crypto and to the hodl plus strategy from the bitcoin podcast, you’re not spending frivolously on anything, cutting expenses to the bone so you don’t have to sell off, do good by your future self, let your days be gifts to your future self, dollar cost averaging, stacking sats, always adding to your stash of whatever fraction of bitcoin you squirrel away for the future
assuming the overall uptrend is going to continue
on and off about 15 years I go from working for other people on their sites on their projects, just doing a daily grind to having way more spacious freedom to put all of my effort into a single site which feeds me, which shelters me if possible, which serves the intent and mission of the owner of the property, where you feel like a samurai gardener, I’m a landless peasant in the grand scheme of things, but when I can break free of daily grind of traffice, and commuting, but be steeped in an ecosystem where one day builds on the next
you develop this map of all the materials, where the plants are where the water flows, what the neighbors are like, what local sources of seeds and compost, and it becomes a grand theater
as adventurous as any video game ever was, the holistic fulfillment of it, moments where things really snap together is way beyond a video game, it’s not virtual reality its reality
you get to have heart opening, experience
every time you bump into a new plant or critter you hadn’t noticed and you get to study their beauty and no one tells you your slacking off cuz your vibing with a creature
tarot card reading, spoiled to take a step away from steady pay check, leap of faith, but knowing it’s the right thing for my soul to be focusing doing what I know best
this time under far better sexual political dynamics
its been a huge problem in the past
what do you call the drummer who breaks up with his girl friend, homeless
build karma, not destroy it
a lot to appreciate, significance of transition
it’s the bug out location, I’ve been living in bug out mode
prepper’s have a language of bug out bags, bugging in, bugging out
dug in for another round of zombie apocalypse training camp survival paradise, lots of fun
forest garden of eden music video as archival footage/portfolio/demo reel of my permaculture projects
shows the timeline of my evolution, urban, suburban, rural projects
feel like it’s the crown chakra of a career, feeling like I won the game, of course it’s just another level and the game continues, but you finish a level and you’re on to a new one, really in resonance with life energy
not as much of a horny whipper snapper
dakini said you go from testosterone arousal to oxytocin arousal cycle
I’d rather just do me tonight, I don’t feel pressure to go out and get laid somewhere, never successful at hooking up, never had a one-night stand
all that is to say, I’m still not interested in settling down with a woman, but settling down with the land, without feeling like a loser if not getting laid every night
many years of involuntary celibacy, I had no game
some blame I could point at those who traumatized me, but have to point at myself for not manning up sooner
dakini says you’re shifting your sex drive towards oxytocin
20 years of holding up a “Free Boners” sign, eventually had to take it down because it’s all gone, if you didn’t jump on it, it’s gone
a woman’s got to put in effort to turn me, because it’s not like it’s my first rodeo and I’m going to have a panic attack, because “it’s actually happening”
thinking about coming of age, a woman’s body is an enigma during puberty, a woman’s body is like a ufo, it’s that alien
then it’s a balance after you’ve been deflowered, do you get spoiled, do you take it for granted, do you lose that awe, and honor and respect?
Twins movie, cynical line about how virgins respect women, then lose it once they become players
hitting the nerve of the tragic sense, in the words of Garth Algar, I’m no longer a stranger to the ways of the woman or something to take effect, how long do you retain that sense of awe and wonder
I feel like it’s been painful, but a healthy balance to go through this life mostly celibate
I told myself the other day, no matter what women did, how long it lasted, how it ended, at least you know that you told the women you love that you love them, that’s all you can do
there’s always a list of people you’re chasing, and people who’re chasing you, people you’re running from and running to
Kenneth Ray Stubs on the podcast said to the effect of, when I was younger I was too horny to meditate, it took until I was older to be able to do the advanced spiritual practices
Growing up I didn’t catch the jokes about men’s waning virility, now they sting when I watch movies where those jokes were made
the first lost erection feeling like a transmission drops, WTF!
Was making love, pretty stoned, it could have been that, but at the age of 35, what’s wrong with me, I’m not feeling completely mind blown, lost the youthful sense of 100% immersion in electrifying stimulation, maybe we lost the spark, but it was unexpected because my lingam had never been uncooperative before, never been asexual but had to imagine that’s the feeling of dissociation from the actualized
then there’s the coolidge effect, men become sugar daddies to younger women, older women become cougars to younger men
I didn’t intend for this podcast to go this direction but it’s on point because, you can’t leave the city if you’re still chasing women, because you can’t see beyond the weekend
the need to get off, the compulsion to ejaculate, the compulsion to not be alone, to not be single, the horrific discontent to not be in a relationship
dating apps hamster wheel, slot machine crank of dating apps, mining old friends to see if their single yet, all consuming, ego self esteem, hormones
luckily I never was too spoiled, definitely still women who make the “shwing effect” happen like clock work, so it’s not game over, but it’s an interesting limbo state of I’m still extremely passionate I still feel a lot of eros, but it’s less hormonal and it’s more of an oxytocin mode, so the way women want to feel emotional attention that’s what turns me on, often that’s the gripe and why tantric men are in demand because the should be able to speak to the heart
in early days, of man I’ve got blueballs, or I’m going to prematurely ejaculate, a man is trying to calm himself down and meet the shakti, shakti can be raging like a stormy sea, but you gotta be the storm that creates the waves of shakti, bring the energy in
now I feel more like a woman
not interested in having drunk unsafe hook up sex, jealous that I missed out, but not interested any more
turned down a lot of sex in the last few years, we need to spend time designing a designer way to share energy and practice sex magic
not all women have the patience for developing a deep practice
now with a bit of financial security, ability to grow and compound financial permaculture and financial continence
deeper practice in resonance with the tao
in order to garden safely, or safer, not getting scratched, so many hazards, staff infection, getting sliced up, bundling raw garlic into gauze, blazing through, same energy approaching women
it’s a beautiful sweet spot to have some savings, make a property profitable and pay for itself, do sweat equity, multiple value and revenue streams, things start as a trickle, like a spring, a tiny drip, you can do a bit of earth works and store more water
financial healing, establishment of wealth and a slower more mature, more mid lifey kind of energy and approach
I think this is gonna be a good decade, a new way of inhabiting the body, more taoist and slower paced way of working on a land project
do the best permaculture, some people say don’t do anything on the land until a year of pure observation, just meditate and watch patterns
they say 99 hours of design and 1 hour work, verse 1 hour of design and 99 hours of work
the yield you get from more observation, you have a deeper more expansive diverse way to get the most elegant solution
kick down fertility system, one animal’s output because input for another
never before have I had such grace walking a piece of land where I can just move very slowly
in emergencies and disasters you do have to hustle, but if you don’t rush and you don’t run, and you’re not hustling daily, you really have a million times less chance of injury, and breaking things, tripping, hurting someone else, spilling something, over pouring something, every clumsy cartoon thing, it always comes from that financial knife at your back,just digging into you, I need to hustle to finish this job because it’s by the job and not hourly, or I need to be busy because everyone else is busy
its not healthy, it’s not sane, it’s super dangerous
chronic backpain, usually manageable, use some yogic practice
this will be the year of me developing an “on the mat” asana practice, up to now I’d rather being doing combative dancing
haven’t felt called after many exposures to different teachers of “yoga”, but I probably will be doing it more, probably realizing I have been missing out, time to get on the mat to get the benefits of that practice, looking forward to that, all comes back to feeling less rushed, less of a hustle
entrepreneur pushes boulder uphill, the wage earner is running on a hamster wheel
you push the boulder uphill moonlighting, and it slides back down while you’re on the day job hamster wheel, not many get the boulder cruising down the other side of the slope
most people lose their ass for 5 years before they turn a profit, you should be prepared
a lot of gratitude I have for this opportunity, hopefully not having to rush and hustle and speed around and be dangerous, I think I can swing it so there’s a nice balance of going back to work in the city and top off supplies and accounts until I get to a point where there’s a functioning business model producing revenue
glad to document via the podcast, not going to start out with video teaching, not trying to keep up with the Jones’ on social media
after a humble paleo meal of canned and jarred food at the low end of the health food market, no grain, no dairy, no added sugar, I can do a podcast update
hope not to offend vegans, vegetarians, it didn’t work for me, I still have hell to pay, I feel better, body works better, long standing conditions that are not pleasant that most people have, allergies, weak immune system I feel like I’ve strengthened, I feel better now than I did in my 20s
become a bit of a home brewer, its not a vice but it’s a moderate pleasure that I indulge in, holistic debauchery
luckly weened off cheap beer, never really like being drunk, really didn’t like being hung over
falling in love with home brew fermentation, participating with a biological process, gardening the process, it’s a beautiful thing, it’s a blessing, helps to get through some of the lonelier nights, and helps me be intoxicated with the love of the goddess
incel in the flesh, but blessed in the astral realms with dakinis, the romance of the goddess
nice to have some party favors and ritual elements that help to open the 3rd eye and the heart, losing the inhibitions towards the divine feminine sex goddesses, enjoying a more private more solo practice, not feeling the sharp pain of missing the party on friday night, missing the opportunity to socialize and make an appearance, collecting phone numbers
I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it, for me and most men, you’re gonna feel pressure, I dont’ know about next generation, porn and video games causing apathy towards sex, but anyway no way for me to talk about gardening with out talking about sex goddesses, and porno, etc.
intention to refine the masculine energy to put it to work on something constructive
I often think of the feeling, of being on my knees, putting care planting a nursery potted plant, I’m creating its home in the soil, doing this yoni puja this breast massage, that’s the Mr Miyagi, wax on wax off, that’s the permaculture tantra, what I would be teaching my teenage son if I had one. I have a duty of care for people coming of age who discover my work.
I gotta think responsibly about the Deenagers
Gardening as a pathway of restorative justice for sex offenders, a way to train sacred sexuality
Better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war
a lot of sex education to be gleaned form a permaculture training experience
the 9th form of capital, sexual permaculture thesis, designing for the energy sector of sexuality in a way that is post-monogamy, post-theological control, post-shame, post-guilt, post-patriarchy, getting to more of a sex at dawn paradigm
always made a joke of about a nude permaculture design course
doesn’t have to be a silly joke, there’s nude yoga
there is a place where this hippy, free love, LSD 60s sexual revolution, now there’s more deeper connection to shamanism, tantra, and permaculture
more intelligence with ecology
people are opening up with relationships, more influenced by tantric practices, despite distractions of social media, video games, and porn, there’s quite a refinement of the seed forms of the 60s
on that trajectory of what was started with my parents, they weren’t the wildest party animals but they were on point with back-to-land projects/training centers
things are evolving
it makes me think about 2012, I was a 2012-er, hard not to be after all the Terrence McKenna, that was a huge pressurized urgent, move fast and break things, that can be very dangerous in a horticultural landscape, we got through it,
I tried to accomplish a lot, I developed the ability to lead by example, I don’t feel the need to tell other people how to live
I think I can be content with this oxytocin based sex drive, with really delicate and deliberate romantic cadence
integrating gardening, heart gardening
I’ve tried to involve lovers in the process, some have been on board, others not
Always tried to seduce women into the garden space, to have them fall in love with the plants and the soil and become as clinging and needed to the land as much as my heart or cock
May only the greenest and purest of hearts and souls and minds be a part of my dark green magic from here on out
I have the blessing to play my cards right and put in my best efforts
Try to live by the 4 agreements, hopefully the problems to have will get better and better and the solutions will as well
learning to study patterns, ala the Permaculture Designer’s Manual
spend a night on youtube watching permaculture videos
Bill Mollison and David Holmgren, developed the design science, it’s like a bundled package of ecology and anthrology, engineering, earth sciences, economics, an amazing array of interdisciplinary approach to sustainable human settlement design, zero waste, there’s a lot to unpack
the simple way I can put it, whereas Ted K. went into the words and became coercive, Bill M decided to apply the wisdom of the forest and fight back with positivism, designer ecologies that function as elegant and efficient as a forest
it’s movement, sometimes think it’s elitist, its not religious, it’s not ideological, it’s scientific
if you’re gonna be an architect you’re going to have to learn all kinds of different roles and laws of how things work
we’re building civilizations with toxic materials, slaves, requires wars, and all kind of hell, we could be building our settlements according to design principles of nature
making sure there’s zero waste
you could live in a designer forest where everything that you placed in that designer forest is useful or beneficial, food, fiber, fodder
hydrates, seeds, extends itself
use the template of the wild forest, in that template you plug in edibles, medicinals, benefit that plants, animals, the soil, agro forestry is another term
not square gardens of patches and rows, not fields, not orchards, not monocrop
that’s the least efficient, most lethal and toxic
Just like Bruce Lee, Jeet Kune Do, bringing stuff together
There’s no other game in town, it’s an open source technology, not controlled by a central entity, it’s a decentralized movement by design
saw a beautiful luscious wild RABBIT, seemed quite healthy, I got a sense from seeing it that it was very happy and healthy
cackling of COYOTES in all directions
SQUIRRELS scurrying about
a shiny LADY BUG, unmistakable red dot, always a reminder to my analogy about the goddess Kali as a beneficial predator that helps you control the garden pests, as above so below, as within so without
found a big sprawling cuban oregan plant, respect to the Sunset Nursery for supplying my first plant, my favorite local nursery
CUBAN OREGANO like a succulent, big juicy flaps, meaty, has texture
lone BLACK SOLDER FLY larvae, made a new compost bin for it, affinity as the smokey ash black reminds me of my encounters of the dark goddess
ROSEMARY BUSH
Bromance with lead designer/land keeper, holism, spirituality, martial arts, being fuck yeah stoked about everything you’re vibing on, whether biking or skating or punk shows or girls, the excitement and enthusiasm for working together in a really harmonious way, playing fort, having that be doing this really fun stuff and trying to be productive and profitable, and create value, community, and education
Don’t like the word retreat, would rather be making an advance, what if Burning Man and the Rainbow Gathering happened at Occupy Wall street?…
The word retreat is not my favorite word for spiritual gatherings or workshop gatherings, for lack of a better word, we’re both on that path of building a robust spiritual holistic, regenerative tool set, guinea pigging things on our selves, battle test our immune systems, our diets, not just lead by example but all take on clients
my dual life as a sort of renaissance sex worker of sorts, don’t know what to call myself now, sort of artisan, somewhere between a professional and hobbyist in that realm
this is a place where my dear brothers could circle up for some deep men’s work
don’t want to be a cult leader, taking extreme precaution from becoming a cult of personality
precluding that possibility is a part of design
excess manure is lethal poison if not designed to integrate in a dispersed manner to feed the soil
music icons vs cult leaders
ethics and responsibility of meme producers
its all about rotation, it’s all about decentralization, the term is an ensemble cast that’s the solution to patriarchy, to dictatorship, share the love share the power, share the influence, know when to delegate, know when to lift other people up above you, I’m gonna try my best, by all means accept feedback, look at shadow
I left the same work crew in 2014 to go to the northwest to live out the dream of romance with a piece of property
When I left Babylon then, my dear eco-bro said, “Do Good”, so I’m gonna try to do good again this time
Permaculture or tantra, like ida and pingala, they’re complimentary
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In this episode I share a lab report from mid 2019 which documents an important break through in my sexual healing with psychedelic goddess worship research. The mixed and mastered version of the Psychedelic Goddess Worship track on the Sexorcism the Tantric Opera album proved to have powerful potentials to induce what I’m calling “shaktification as non-invasive demonectomy. My (non-verbatim) show notes are below.
