In this episode I’m joined by co-host M.F.P. Together we take the beta version of the “Lover License Test” for hetero males. This episode stands as a study guide for all those aspiring lover licensees who want to ace the test! After listening to the study guide, please take the test and share your high score with the world with the social media links provided at the end of the test!
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Tantra Punk your guide to sexual Liberation healing and empowerment as a certified Tantra counselor and certified permaculture designer I’m here to help you grow spiritually sexually and ecologically my online and in-person counseling sessions and training programs are price to fit any budget I’m looking forward to helping you design a never more Divine Life Path please send me an email to Ben at Tantra Punk. Com and our journey together will begin hello their beloveds welcome to Tantra Punk podcast episode number 33 I’m here with magic fucking pussy and we’re here to discuss the lover license test for hetero meals aka the boyfriend license test which has a fine interesting background that will get into but first I love to introduce my co-host magic fucking pussy if you’d give us a little background on your title I think you’d enjoy it why hello okay I suppose I’ve always known that my pussy with magic but my cousin was the one that confirmed it she she told me about this guy that was in love with her and I was fascinated because he was a a dancer for JLo and one of the famous videos I can’t disclose his name but I was saying you know it at the time she was still in love with her ex and so we were talking about guys and I was saying how my ex was paying me a thousand a month to you know basically consider working things out with him and I was like what is it you know it’s just they they just want her pussy jokingly and she told me didn’t she no magic vajayjay runs in the family and I just fell as the moment I was like I have magic fucking pussy yes I knew it and I did I had known that you know my ex will attest to it when I met him he was sleeping on an air mattress his credit was in the toilet he was paying an astronomical percentage on his Hyundai his ex had left him or well he had left his back I don’t know if they wish they split she took everything that’s all I know he is terrible luck and within a year his business was booming and so much so that he was going to quit his job and do it full-time and eventually he did and he is a huge success now and and I knew that that story repeated with every guy that I’ve been with and I’d only connected the dots very recently and lovingly you know I’ve been given the name magic fucking pussy and it stuck yeah I casually in conversation we were just talking about our life histories in and he said I don’t know I guess it wasn’t magic fucking pussy and I said excuse me did you just say you have a magic fucking pussy and you like yeah and so that’s stuck with me too because I realized that is a really simple way of transmitting the ancient wisdom and teachings that the Yoni in Sanskrit meaning gates to heaven really in it that the penis length you know called Ling on this is the one of translate is the one of late we’re really talking about using pleasure and sexuality with magical intent in for the purposive magical manifestation hopefully to manifest things that are serving to our own lives into the greater good in the healing of the planet and being in the Dharma path so it’s a it’s hard to sometimes get people to understand what worshipping genitals actually why that’s important and what that means but when you just say it simply like magic fucking pussy had some more than modern parlance and people care like yeah well you should be praying and you should be having intentionality towards Bennett beneficence in personal spiritual growth financial abundance and actually connecting this Powerhouse of energy and connection to Soros into all of these few no powerful forces and actually using intention so I thank you for every time I bring this my face to say those words into affirm the magic of everyone’s pussy and so you two can and I think you’re a natural you have you ate like you said it’s in the runs in the family and and I think I’m it can be trained it can be you know you can be a natural but this is what we’re trying to achieve with them all these efforts of making love in a magical manner so thank you for that that introduction and and I am sure there’s much more magic to to come in the future I’m so we’re here now to discuss this product of magical manifestation that that’s been in the works for me for I guess a couple of years now I was at the DMV studying for the knowledge test for R22 re get my license again in the state of Oregon and and as always doing the test or studying for the test reading the questions on the practice test I might also in the middle of my studying to create curriculum for men to be become better level lovers to Tantra training and so it was very much you know and I’ll have a moment that the label comes out it would be so fun easy and simple to filter out a lot of the douchebag behavior that men kind of casually get away with and women or just spending so much of their time gossiping and commiserating about the antics of douchebag men and it would make it so easy to filter that behavior out or at least shed light on it and put it into question by creating a standard Where to view need to be licensed to love and if you haven’t passed you know at least the written test you know and then after that of course this could be built up to a whole boot camp a hole in a voluntary training at a boot camp and then levels of Probation and punitive training where you have to go to Lover’s school because you got caught doing something and appropriate you know in that would be a diversion program just like on college campuses they have gender awareness sort of you know diversion programs from more stiff punishments and it’s all about education and new skill development sensitivity training and all kinds of establish distance but the the thing that I thought was lacking was a sort of tongue-in-cheek easily accessible webapp kind of interface where you know you bump into somebody or somebody’s hitting on you you know how to party in before you give him your number or you say you know here contact me once you pass the license test show me proof that you have your license that you’ve gone to the test and then we can talk with until then I have to keep you in the douchebags own until proven different and so you know a lot of people have been men and women have been contributing to the the database in my own mind over the course of years and so I think magic fucking pussy has lived through a lot of these negative patterns that we’re trying to overcome and to provide solutions for because we both have young people in our lives that we care about deeply we want to see have a better less dramatic initiation into the Adult World of Heroes and love and relationships and we know we can either we made mistakes that other people can avoid and learn from my wisdom so what the intention is for the rest of this podcast is to go if we’re going to go through a test drive of the testis is like the beta test I just finished putting up you know maybe there’s too many questions maybe there’s not enough maybe they’re confusing at times or or you know just an effectual for some reason so we’re going to just kind of give it a crash course test and work through some of the potential issues and it’s going to be an ongoing evolving test that hopefully will be you know they’ll be a suggestion box so people can actually contribute you know edits and and suggestions for edits in suggestions for new questions and also this is just the beginning because this is just for hetero males of course every different type of Love configuration should have its own tests because they’re different issues obviously for hetero females for by pansexual all the different configurations if there’s a lien on calling out for that people to step up and help to extend this if it works and I think it can save hearts and it can save lives and I believe that it really is a value is such a great concept thank you for for making this then I I’ve been on dating websites and I I feel like this is what it’s missing the element of accountability to their to their ability to love you know it’s perfect the lover license you know they should pass a test and when you hear the questions it’s so obvious what the answer should be and yet so many men do not account for that day they just they obviously do not know and how their actions speak volumes so thank you for getting us started you’re very welcome all right so here we go we’re going to start at the top here with the intro page lover license test head Romeo let’s work together to raise the standard of the average Lover from the typical douche to a God among men all right get started question number 1 of 71 When approaching an attractive woman you should smile make eye contact ask for her name then introduce yourself smile make eye contact give a thoughtful compliment before introducing yourself or smile make eye contact use a prefabricated pick up line then judged the response before introductions which one do you think it is I love choir smile make eye contact give a thoughtful compliment and then introduce yourself perfect guy come on a lot of these should be self-explanatory I’ll make it. Make the general comment that like you mentioned the right answer for the most part is pretty much pretty obvious that you would really have to be a douchebag to choose the wrong answers here you really have to not have a clue and I think just by reading these it sort of gives if you were to say you were women in the man cumming says yeah I passed the test here’s my proof I’ll show you my score and and then you know that they actually had to read through everything to get to that point they had to read all the stuff so that you can check them on it so even if it’s obvious you know it’s it’s useful to have that as a screening process so we’ll move on now when in a group setting your lover gets left out of the conversation and looks uncomfortable you should one ignore it she’s quiet and shy always or anyways to bring up a special moment between the two of you and share the story and get her involved in the conversation while standing next to her showing her little affection 3 ask her in front of everyone why she looks uncomfortable and why she isn’t talking or for tell an embarrassing story about her to get engaged in a conversation this is such a great one I love this question because it is obvious you know to to include her number to include her in the moment babe you know bringing up a story something fun to her that will get her excited and open up but so often you know we just we don’t we don’t know it and instead it’s like you know you’ll embarrass the other person or what’s wrong what’s wrong something wrong did I do something wrong and it makes the situation so much worse when it has nothing to do with you and in fact it’s just you know we just need a little encouragement to bloom thank you all right okay a woman you’ve been casually conversing with expresses her disinterest in you after you invite her out on a date the best way to end the interaction would be to say one okay but you don’t know what you’re missing two whatever have a nice life or 3 I’d still be honored to explore friendship would you like my number yeah obvious number three the teachable moment there is that obviously we know when guys get butthurt because they don’t get what they want right away and they’re not willing to give options and that’s always the answer you don’t if you don’t if you get told no in almost any circumstance it will be okay to ask for options or give other options if you’re not being obnoxious about it so it’s you never know someone turns you down because they’re in a bad mood maybe they’re just fresh from a breakup you have no idea what their story is they’re guarded and not going to tell you it’s so you leave the options open by giving them an opportunity to contact you later and who knows you know what can possibly happen so you have got nothing to lose by doing that and you earn so many more points when you behave gracefully and you gracefully Dismount from like a purse the potential fumbling in the situation so it’s not an insult it’s a great place to be because we’re still considering you if you’re in the friend zone right okay go to find a lover with a compatible life purpose you should one regularly volunteer at a local charity and build deep friendships with full faith that love will come as a result of your good works to pray and hope that she’ll come into your life by surprise or three go to a singles bar and hit on as many women as you can and hopes to find mrs. right oh yeah another obvious when you know volunteer at a local charity or just very the circle that you want to meet people in and love will come there a lot of people are not looking for love with the township principal in mind of the higher purpose of building a mission statement together in that mission statement could be fulfilled in 2 weeks or 20 years or lifetime or many lifetimes the length of the the love agreement and the sustaining of the purpose fullness of the love is really up to whatever your mission is together but the but the main point is to not just have frivolous sex which deplete you know has some not going to even go into that with all the other podcast episodes give plenty of Shadow material on what can happen when you make mistakes you make a man mistake some people call it but you know the the point that I want to make with this it’s so vital in Tantra training and teaching is that you don’t want to waste your energy and you want to find Synergy so Sinners you that goes beyond skin deep in the way that you’re going to maximize the potential to have Synergy is to associate and draw from a pool of people who are already engaged in something you’re passionate about and then you’re not wasting your time and wasting your money how many drinks can you afford to buy really how many dinner dates can you show out for but if you’re going to volunteer to place to keep were there for the right reasons because their hearts and something you’re already in the door mazzone and whoever you meet there if it takes a while you’re going to be there in Richmond yourself doing the right thing and building your karmic Capital if it’s not too crude of an expression or you will get your karmic commissioned by one means or another if you don’t meet that person right there in that environment you will have built up a glow that attracts the right person maybe from riding the bus home that day you never know but just remember that the vibration of of of finding Synergy in a in a purposeful in a way whatever that is that’s the goal here is to be in the right vibration so can’t go wrong with that and I think it’s a good good wisdom from the ancient times here okay an example of an open-ended question to ask during a flirtatious conversation is one do you believe in God or to what are your spiritual beliefs if I may ask weekly to and very good open ended questions yes if it’s so much more inviting to want to know where her mind and that’s flattering very good before approaching a stranger you find attractive you should one breathe deeply several times visualize your heart area expanding with loving energy imagine a positive interaction and outcome to psych yourself out to not take no for an answer or three have as many drinks as you need to feel courageous yeah I number one but everybody does number two and number three and that definitely visualization it if huge and hugely underestimated positive mental movies and if you need a little liquid courage you know everything in moderation including moderation you get the point why do women sometimes prefer to meet for coffee or tea on the first date one by keeping dates short and sweet they can screen Mormon until they feel a deeper connection to its cheaper and less formal than a traditional dinner date three being offered to pay dinner often comes with subtle sex spectations or for all of the answers are correct well yeah they’re all they’re all definitely correct I prefer to pay for my own coffee even on a first interaction so that at men do not they do feel when they buy you anything I drink couple of drinks dinner they do feel a type of entitlement like why didn’t you answer my texts why aren’t you answering my call now I bought you something and your user and and then you know the ego comes out and so yeah definitely just meeting for something informal just so you know a friendly conversation we like we like that stuff when sending an introductory message to a woman on a dating website you should one read your profile and compliment and aspect of her personal growth and development or to compliment her looks and tell her what you like to do to her sexually all right so I think we should spend a couple minutes on this one cuz it’s a fun one because I spent a lot of time on dating websites doing pretty intensive research and really studying patterns of everything from the most extreme form of douchebaggery which is the the infamous dickpic phenomenon and wish the approach of hey baby looking fine you know I like to do know Ariana and a woman’s inbox on a daily basis getting flooded with a 2250 to a hundred until your inbox is full of those kind of comments really gets old fast from what I’ve been told and it doesn’t indicate that you spent the time you know making an effort to find Synergy with her all this is a common interest I see you’ve done this with yourself you’ve cultivated something about your life that’s interesting beyond your physical appearance and right if you have any thoughts on that absolutely from from my personal experience yeah there’s a lot o you’re beautiful you’re gorgeous your Hots and a lot of those I just ignore really even if they’re a good-looking guy because it like you said it it does not show that they took the extra stuff to actually read my profile Seafood him about you know a lot of times on face value we do go by face value we look at the picture and if you passed phase when we take more of an interest but a lot of times if I see that they’ve made a comment to connect or to compliment something that I have written about myself that I deeply care about that I I will actually have a connection with them and go deeper to find out more about them even if on face value I can see oh I don’t know like you know welder that you know I won’t connect with this look like he takes care of his Temple very well but you know I will give him the time because he’s giving me the time cool on a first date you should always one avoid negative criticism of past lovers and focus on discussion of your current and future love life goals or to share as much of your past relationship history as possible so they understand your romantic issues and concerns yes number one avoid the negative criticism of past lovers for sure you know it I don’t know why I’ve been guilty of this too it’s easy to do that to talk about past relationships and for some reason we think they want to know but it doesn’t it puts kind of a Dark Cloud over the relationship in general because now we can see ourselves as one of your past lovers that you’re criticizing and you know thrashing and nobody likes that if you’ve ever been in a relationship and you are now single what is that mean it means you have a 100% relationship failure rate and if you were ever been in more than one relationship in your life and you were currently in a relationship then you have whatever percentage of failure rate so if you were in 10 relationships and you’re currently in one that is currently successful you have a 90% failed relationship failure rate if you started one relationship and you’ve only ever had one and you still have it then you could say that you have your successful at 100% ratio but you know we never think of things in that turns are just like oh yeah we going with the flow and if you know some love lost someone gained or whatever and we’re all do we go see accept that but if you would think about it and then if you look at the the marriage or the divorce rates you have a fifty-fifty roll of the dice when you fall in love with somebody but everybody assumes on every new love this is going to be the perfect thing or nothing happens if bad and nothing no one does anything wrong and if anything bad happens it’s definitely not my fault and so that Tennessee to avoid taking responsibility for relationship failures is that isn’t full effect and so that’s one one interesting and funny anecdote about how really we should come into new relationships with an understanding that we’re all human and we’re all struggling to do her best into vet to do better and we all have a part in why things if you know not work out before and to not lead with projecting blaming other people for white why things have been bad in the past so my ex this is my ex that and just be like you know my goal is to work on this aspect of myself because I keep attracting you know I keep attracting this pattern and and I’ll be up front about that but I don’t need to tell you the Gory details that every person and how they were wrong and bad and you don’t have to tell everything that was wrong about about you you just say when I’m looking to what my next spiritual growth lessons to overcome is around this issue and so if you’re interested in like consciously working through that with me then we can have fun dancing with the Shadow and you know what you know I’m saying that’s what’s the empowered and conscious forward-looking language that we want to use to thank you yes so that another take me and then we’ll move on it is I like to suggest people don’t use the word ex say former lover and then you’re not trying a big X on the chalkboard with your nails go with that all right if you’re really horny and starved of affection when dating you should one hide your desperation and try to act like you’re a stud who gets plenty of action or to develop a spiritual self love practice that helps you exude abundant positive energy Oso fleuve people fear that positive energy the best way to process and we’re sure your baggage is too one weather in a relationship or single participate in men’s support groups that emphasized physical psychological and spiritual purification or to fall in love and wait until the honeymoon phase wears off to reveal your dark side and hope they love you enough to deal with it number one yeah enough said it’s this is detective Chief stuff when falling in love with someone you’ve only known for a short time you should one commit to building a solid friendship foundation without imposing unrealistic expectations or to make long-term promises to be in love forever Foundation see friend zone through those are the ones that last by having any type of penetrative intercourse you should assume one you may have STIs that you’re not aware of too condoms don’t guarantee protection from STI transmission 3 your partner could have STIs that she’s unaware of or not disclosing for all of the answers are correct in here because most people just don’t know why I didn’t even know that when you ask for an STD test and you say test me for everything they do not test you for everything they really don’t feel you have to go out of your way to find out what they do test for what they do not and you’ll be shocked people you know I know I know that I was really shocked that everything does not mean everything so do your homework protect yourself I don’t think he okay statistics show that the majority of committed couples cheat knowing this fact before getting involved in a committed sexual relationship you should one expect that there is always a chance that you or your lover May cheat and prepared a mutually agreeable strategy of handling the situation without dishonesty should it occur or to find someone who promises to never never mind this is something that you don’t hear often on Jerry Springer you don’t see people on I’d like to do it polar opposite of Jerry Springer where you see functional healthy resolutions to the issues of all the things that you see going wrong in that in in in that drama Vortex so yeah this is you have some personal experience of this I have personal experience with this essentially a it breaks down to you know like that that statistical analysis if you go into if you treat your body like and your love with half of the respect that you treat a business contract or lease agreement you’re going to have mediation arbitration clauses you’re going to have term limits are going to have built-in strategies for dealing with conflict should it arise and you know it’s going to arrive in interpersonal relationships so going in blind and saying we don’t need to discuss our STI status we don’t need to discuss you know what are patterns of past Behavior then we’re everything’s going to be perfect and we’re not I’m just going to go with the flow and you’re going to read my mind I’m going to read your mind we’re going to be telepathic and right after the sunset live happily ever after the reality is that in the modern world there is huge financial implications to two pregnancy this huge life shifting applications to SD I transferred some of them lethal some of them you know there’s all kinds of different concerns that we have now and we’re really not we’re really tight and bound in terms of our lack of self-love and are codependency issues so you know there’s a lot of steak getting involved with somebody romantically and sexually so knowing that there’s so many ways for it to go wrong and there’s also a very natural it’s not demonic it’s not it’s not evil it’s not sinful to have erotic desires for more than one person at one given time and it’s actually very natural and the whole thing is yeah statistics show that you know majority of committed couples cheat but if you go into it knowing that and you just say hey look now we’re monogamous we’re going to commit to be monogamous but should one of us desire to change the relationship and want to hit it if you know a to the point where you’re going to cheat or you’re going to put it on the table we need to talk about this first is it a deal breaker or are there a hall pass type of did you eaten that we could have for a week or could we change the relationship without all of the drama and the fighting and the lying and that you know people are going to do what they’re going to do if they really want to do it and it doesn’t matter who you date you could date a librarian and they could cheat they’re going to find a moment if they really want to do it so you just have to go in and just know it’s you know facts are facts it’s a possibility it’s not going to be about you you’re not going to be no be destroyed and I would hope not and that’s on you you know just work for your own codependency issues and be understanding hi and that there’s a lot more embedded in the future questions or the the the rest of the questions there’s more embedded on strategies for actually integrating what some people would in an enlightened manner call new relationship energy so if cheating the word cheating which is a negative Nails on a chalkboard kind of word in terms of the cursing in Black Magic involved with putting that word out there it’s like oh you’re interested in new relationship energy I understand that I feel that sometimes too it’s the goal of a committed relationship should be to create a sacred container that has so much High potent love quality love and attention and affection built into it so that it can withstand and survive with resilience these fleeting episodes that can be very destructive if you’re not managed properly and denying their existence is not an effective strategy and we all know that so yeah so if you acknowledge that there’s going to be times when on both and there’s all those people who are actually wired to be very very non-monogamous and his people for Wired to be very monogamous so it’s also important to do that screening some people say date your own species and now with the you know the internet is starting to evolve to in just recently continue to more statuses and more configurations are being added to the whip to the list of drop-down menus on the dating sites as we speak everyday almost I’m seeing new terms pop up for sexual orientation relationship style so it’s not going to be hard as we move into the future to find people who are more leaning towards your style and therefore avoid a lot of the drama and of course reading the book sex at dawn is going to provide you with Aunt for logical evidence for how people have managed that impulse to be non-monogamous for really all of human prehistory and it bit monogamy as an institution of private property and wealth and paternal distribution of property down the family line that’s all very recent and should be questioned without going into too much detail there I I think we’re in agreement that The Hanger people are going to abuse drugs people are going to let you know and seek new romantic new relationship energy and knowing that this is just a part of human nature and exist we can design better more we just called harm reduction you know we can make this much more easy to integrate why did ancient Masters Of Love advise that lovers keep separate rooms if not separate dwellings one because some people snore and or hog the blankets to because for love to be healthy and sustainable individuals need to be able to retreat to their own spaces as needed to defuse conflict avoid overexposure and maintain a courteous guest host dynamic I love this yes definitely to sustain a healthy relationship we need around space and you know it it shouldn’t be there should be no offense taken I think that every couple should have their own room actually married couples I think marriage is would go so much better it would be healthier last longer just if we had our own space and we got to choose when we wanted to be together because sometimes I want my lover just around in the home but I don’t want him like on top of me all the time 24/7 I would just love him to be in his own room doing his own thing and then every now and then just come in and do you know groped me or something crotale baby if you don’t have a deep loving relationship with yourself you can’t be an adequate lover to others because one whoever you attract an estate of self lovelessness will be equally if not more depleted to You Be Loved efficient and end up taking more than giving like a vampire or three both answers are correct if you don’t fill up your own battery then you’re going to suck somebody else’s or you’re just going to attract the depleted battery that you are another depleted battery very clear knowing that women typically have mood swings at various points in their menstrual cycle you should behave as follows one accuse her of being crazy when she acts out emotionally to learn her cycle together and concrete strategies to be supportive an extra compassionate or three avoid her when she’s tripping out the fact you know like I always hear guys say that women are crazy I’m a woman yeah oh yeah you know how would you like it if someone just came once a month and shot you up with some extra estrogen progesterone it just it makes you go Haywire we say things irrational and I can’t help it it’s just it’s part of being a woman as women continue to fight and win battles for Liberation and empowerment you should assume that one being called out on your shit is an opportunity to learn and potentially an opportunity to earn the love of an empowered and liberated woman or to all feminists hate men and you should avoid opinionated women definitely when a woman is upset and expressing her concerns with your behavior you should one sit at or below her level uncross your arms give eye contact tilt your head slightly to the side take notes with a notepad and ask if she’s done talking before you respond or to stand over her with your arms folded rolling your eyes and interrupting whenever she makes a claim you disagree with a very obvious I think the notepad takes it to another a little extreme I think I’d be mocked but I I would let you know if he’s serious then I’d be flattered and there’s also that did it is kind of in introducing idea of the things I could Talking Stick you know in group meetings where it helps to you know regulate the flow of interruption when the Talking Stick rules respected where we couldn’t have to be a stick but that was a Native American traditional techniques so we can be you know this is Crystal or something semi sacred if you better if it was like not the TV remote control or something like that but it’s your turn to speak and everyone you know and the thing is people tend to not it takes a lot of training and I can definitely say I’m not there to be able to only address one issue at a time and then stop talking cuz you end up wanting to implicate so many different instances of things and so that’s the thing if you urge to respond when someone else is talking especially overheated matter you’re going to have all these idea all these urges to respond come up and it’s a person goes on and you don’t get to respond when you feel like you need to without interrupting and then you might lose all that so that’s you know if you have well actually if if there’s a mediator present they could be the one taking notes you know about what they say there’s many different ways to do it but I guess it’s just introducing the idea that there is a if you really really want to solve problems in a relationship it’s good to rely on extra mechanisms whether it’s a facilitator is going to help keep track of issues that are brought up or you know if you come prepared with your a list of your concerns or you write a letter is so powerful to just take the time and private write a letter of your grievances read that to your lover so that you know that you got all of your thoughts out and they didn’t interrupt you cuz they’re going to listen the whole thing and then you can die like about that but but yeah you get that idea interrupting people is really one thing you could add to this that you’ve told me about when you’re having an argument you recognize that it’s getting heated and it’s like are we having an argument or is it is what it is closed off the stick comes out you’ve got it hold it and the clothes come off because definitely definitely we throw all of the grenades when when grenade is thrown me take that backpack out we’ve been a harvey during anyways it’s been like harvesting the grenades in there and we throw them all but it’s hard to throw grenades when you know your lover is naked right on whatever works for you and your beloved what’s the best toilet seat practice 1 leave the toilet seat up she’ll realize it she’ll realize it’s up before it’s too late to leave the toilet seat down at all times and develop the habit of sitting when you pee to avoid The Chronic stench of splattering overspray and sticky toilet seats or 3 leave the toilet seat down peace standing up and make a game out of trying to keep your stream centered inside the bowl I didn’t even know this was possible men you can learn to sit down and pee then please please Yes mine future lovers definitely going to take note of that one okay true love one last as long as quality attention is mutually provided or two is only true if it lasts forever I thought we all think it’s number two and number one though we provided yes and as long as it’s quality attention you know you can’t fault somebody giving her best right yeah to love and to love three days better than a lifetime of false love I think to keep the spark of passion alive in a long-term relationship you need one to expect that your lover will figure out what turns you on and be spontaneous throughout the years and creative on Valentine’s Day and anniversaries or to daily affection weekly date nights in monthly romantic Adventures oh well yeah daily affection it doesn’t have to be you know a monthly romantic thing but I see what you’re saying yeah just make it make it true and I don’t trying to see if the other person is mind reader I’m borrowing this from another mentor and it is great wisdom the sort of pyramid of of successful long-term relationships I dare anybody to apply this method and and and see if it works for them or not but I think if you would think about this as a fractal pattern and if you almost working couples that are that are Workaholics and don’t give adequate time for love sex and insensual connection they’re going to believe that they’ll both be in the mood at the same time and it’ll happen spontaneously and we’ll just happen naturally and it’s you know whatever they don’t really put a lot of I’ve been putting an effective strategy in place so it’s simple way to do it is saying yeah you use the couple’s that’s that say okay we may be totally disconnected all week cuz you’re flying all over the world building a million dollar business and I’m being super mom soccer mom doing my own home business and and homesteading whatever couples are doing these days but if they and so they can be totally disconnected you know even if they’re running past each other during the day but they have that little group you know I’m passing in the hallway or or a little those little bits of of the Cimarron keeping the simmer going even if they can’t you know have passionate lovemaking or fully romantic dinner every night or whatever it’s like maintaining the simmer with the daily affection and then guaranteeing each other a weekly date night I think that’s a mechanism that you have something to look forward to in that keeps it fresh and then mother Nancy rennick infectious like you don’t always do not always going to be able to take a trip to the retreat center be no love boat or foot have her but something different something unique something that takes you out of the routine out of the house and not just a day cuz you know what date and I could just be like hey we’re going out to eat or favorite restaurant we’re going to decompress and talk about where we’re at cuz we’re so busy or whatever so anyway that that’s just something that people might not think of him if you’re in it if you’re in a stable relationship and you can start doing this I dare you to have it you know tell me I I bet you it’s going to work only just put it to that way and I’ve I’ve added to that something in my life when I was in power couple super high high stress high-stakes Business Development together if you know we would give each other the permission to call for emergency hug brakes and dance break so if we were burning out on whatever tasks who are doing or where feeling like we needed to charge up the battery we would and we were doing home business together so it was easy to just like call for a break to be able to just go into the the the cuddle Puddle Duck and sometimes it would last as it be 5-10 minutes sometimes it be like fuck it do this is so Exquisite oxytocin flow and we’re just going to pass out not even eat dinner and just listen to the birds chirp until the sun comes up so all right checking in is a healthy practice of one asking your beloved how she’s doing and feeling so she can express her daily stresses and flush frustrated energy out and inappropriate and frequent manner or to interrogating your lover to find out if she’s been talking to past lovers or meeting new guys behind your back when checking in is is definitely asking how she’s doing asking about her feelings love that she say don’t be a tyrant when we’re suspicion but something’s going wrong you’re not talking to me oh my God what’s going on now let’s have a talk all the time everyday when conflict arises that you’re unable to resolve with your lover you should first seek a mediator that is one a trusted mutual friend who has an unbiased care and concern for the health of your love and is willing to volunteer time to help to a professional who charges money for services or three your best friend who was looking out for your interest yeah I mean I would say a professional is not the wrong answer but definitely just a mutual friend you know that’s that’s all you need somebody that both people can trust to give a great you know I’m biased opinion what’s the first you should first seek a mediator so it’s kind of like the professional is a last resort why because the professional doesn’t often get hired to solve the problem quickly they get hired to string you along and keep you coming back for more and more and more and so yeah that some just something to be to be warned against and I think if we had more godparents of relationships in our friend circles as opposed to opposing warring factions where you’re like a couple is in a boxing ring and when you have trouble you go to your corner to get your support from your yesmin and she goes to her corner to get support from her yes women and it’s just there’s not like a reconciliatory spirit there for the most part so there needs to be somebody who cares about your love who wants who understands it and is there playing a role of like the Godparent of the relationship and they know the higher purpose the bigger picture another to remind you but don’t you aren’t you all like too busy working on your dreams together to be caught up in these squabbles that come on and then they reset and recalibrate so you have a big view that makes the molehills dwarfed by the big mountain that is your new thing you’re trying to get to the peak of together you know so ask your single friends for their opinions what you’re supposed to think that I think that you know you can you can learn from the wisdom of Elders who have gone through and made the mistakes that you’re probably going to go through or you can just be hard-headed and learn all your lessons the hard way but I mean we’ve had to learn a lot of hard lessons in the absence of the eldership but I think if we take on that there’s a yeah mean it seems obvious but really the way you put it is medicine for me to think you know it’s a dignified path to be an aspiring Elder and then it makes you not be so how do I can help you defeat that that that grinding pressure that oh my I’m going to lose my looks and I’m going to lose my energy and I’m going to be in the state of deprecation towards death and that’s very much the greatest fear of the western manicured Uno photoshopped airbrushed identity like you’re not really giving any hope that aging will be of any benefit in here just marginalized further and further so I thank you for that serve very much still give that time sacred eldership dignity not a light title to hold I think the true Elder wouldn’t really feel comfortable in it cuz it’s defining attributes of an elder that is really one that can help that role be the best it can be is one that is is really accountable is really present isn’t so on the move that if you can’t you know be relied upon to be there for the people that it serves now needs to ideally be in the in the fellowship of other Elders to kind of keep it in in in check in a way like we have to watch for the Cole group kind of phenomenon where people you know place a lot of weight on that person and in a way that can privilege them in certain ways and also lead to potential like power distortions and things like that you know it’s it’s only human that people will make mistakes and so having that kind of accountability of other people and also that time yeah you have people heart or a different there’s always like in every phase of life with the lifecycle there’s there’s like the maturing phases and so there’s like you know there’s a baby elder there’s enough adult Elder and then Senior Elder and so it’s just we have to learn at each stage of Life how to become the mature version of what that stage is and says just something to think about as well and it’s good to to get your feet wet early on in life so that you know we can have deep roots and and the and those are the kinds of people to like in the Tamara situation out of the black community they have a circle of Elders who are basically people who have grown with a community enough that they know the people in their community and then they serve a role as potential kind of like the Matchmaker but you know in a way where people can approach them in and ask them like you know I’m interested in this person and they can help you assess whether this is the right time or what is a good or bad idea and you know they can kind of that. Whole courtship in a way that you know really I think I wish there were more of those people around here don’t you let me relax you know learn the hard way what does that we’re just not compatible certain people in The Matrix the I mean yeah I’m not I’m not a political scientist of the Matrix but I will say that what got me peaked on the ecstatic trance dance group ritual ceremony festival thing was it really when I saw I think it was maybe the second movie or maybe it was the second or the third but there was a scene where they’re just getting down to like Juno Reactor I think was a soundtrack of a butt there is something beautiful about seeing the different the warrior culture Guided by elders and of course there’s different the archetypes playing out in Conflict split that to me was took it further than then the Star Trek Federation is a futuristic Elder guided Council guided kind of reality so that was kind of fun but yeah so that’s what came to mind when you’re at we’re talking about that be so cool if you’re early sexual oracle’s who you go to you know if we’re going to give you insights and maybe even have name your child for you or something cool like that you know be so cool but right on then will I worry about at the hours so do you have any closing touch you want to share or any other resources or should we just I’ll post the the links that you mention and I’ll definitely encourage people to stay informed and keep an eye out for your anything coming up you have any appearances or anything exciting like that coming up you want to mention I think yeah I think I covered a lot of it and I just wanted to maybe plant a seed while I have the airwaves here about something that I’d I’d eventually like to work on presenting which is around insert Intercultural relationships and also decolonizing our relationships as well and just thinking about how how we can heal some of these ancestral traumas and use that has as as a means to strengthen our relationships and also our society right on I’ll be looking forward to everything that you’re you’re expressing in the world and I hopefully yeah maybe sometime in the future we can talk about skill sets for Beyond Christian monogamy that would be a great topic so yeah how would you feel about that maybe we can sometime in the next few months follow up with something like that. Maybe by the by the time I’ll have more of a personal lived experience to a base conversation around that I think you know in terms of people who are already I don’t know how many listeners here are on a Christian spiritual path without that many but if the energy and gnosticism and sacred marriage not going to the alchemical top in the in the Gnostic tradition but I I wouldn’t make any claims to be an expert in that area but it’s definitely something to look at cool alright then we will be in touch and will follow up sometime in the future and thank you so much so be I really enjoyed it and I know it’s taking us a while to get this to get this done but I think it was perfect and I couldn’t ask for anything more so you have a wonderful day. Take care and keep for listening to the touch upon podcast please go to www.crunch.com and cook on the Donate button to help support the show in addition is to see me and if you want a podcast for donations will help establish permaculture goddess Temple every bite ecological employment for single mothers Please Subscribe and share your favorite episodes if you have questions or comments feel free to leave a voicemail at 818-275-1593 or email been at Contra Punk. Com Thomas Day